Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child, since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'll go into the wild I am. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom since I've left my roots back home.
Speaker 2
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. I've got another awesome episode for you this week per usual. I have one of my students on this week who free birthed her second child after graduating from the radical birth keeper school, which we see so often and really nothing tickles me more. Before we kick it off today, I want to let you know that we are celebrating over here at Free Birth Society because I just released my newest collaboration with Yolanda Norris Clark, and it is fire. It's called the Compass, foundations of radical birthkeeping, and it is the first of its kind. The Compass is a groundbreaking self study program for women embarking on the path of sovereign birth, reclamation, and authentic midwifery. The Compass is everything you need to anchor yourself firmly in the realm of sovereign birth and to gain the confidence you need to leave the system. This program will equip you with the language and context essential for understanding the political and psychological intricacies of the medical birth system. You know, if you're here with me, that we are in the midst of a seismic shift in birth awareness. As a birth professional, if you don't have the language and foundational understanding of what's wrong and abusive about the current birth model, you will be left behind. You hold the power to break the spell and birth the truth And to know where you are going with purpose and clarity, you need to fully comprehend where we came from and how we arrived here. I am so stoked to get this out to the public. Go grab it now at free birth society dot com slash compass. Okay. So Naya thought her first birth, a home birth with a medical midwife, was as good as it gets until, of course, she free birthed and experienced a truly ecstatic and entirely undisturbed birth from beginning to end. Nya shares how she leveled up during the RBK school, learned to take self responsibility for her life, and was therefore able to choose an entirely drama free birth. Enjoy.
Speaker 3
Okay. We're not.
Speaker 2
I mean, you know
Speaker 3
the drill. Yeah. I feel like I've listened to so many of these.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Exactly. You know what we're here to do. So Yeah. You just recently birthed, and I'm just so excited to hear the full story. You know, I I know little bits and pieces of your first birth and, you know, got to know you through the RBK school. And, of course, I want you to share your your birth story today, but I also want you to share a bit about, like, who you are now, you know, at both as a free birther and as a free birth educator. Right? And having having graduated and really created this whole, amazing business after the school. So take us to wherever you want. You know, I guess we need to hear the story of your first child. So, yeah, start us there.
Speaker 3
Awesome. Thanks, Emilee. Yeah. I there's, like, such a wild transformation here. I'll try to fit it all in. So I had my first child about two and a half years ago, my beautiful daughter Aurelia. And she was a very semi unplanned, but totally energetically planned baby. I moved to Maine super spontaneously, met my soulmate, like, right away. And within a few weeks of us dating, we were like, let's have a baby. And then everyone in our family was like, that's not a good idea. So we kind of backed off on that idea a little bit, but not really. We got pregnant about six months into our relationship. So that pregnancy was just like a huge initiation right for me, not only into motherhood, obviously, but also into what it was like to not be a maiden, to be at a new level of commitment with someone who I kinda was still getting to know, and to just really, like, instantly level up my life, like, get serious about my life. Because I was totally living, like, the maiden way before that. So I was vegan, and I just, like, had so much to learn about the the world. Yeah. So right when I got pregnant with my first, I knew that I wanted to stay away from hospitals. And I also just kinda knew I didn't wanna give birth at a birth center. I really just knew that, like, I wanted to give birth at home. I don't know really how I knew that because I had no one in my life that I knew of that had had a home birth, like, no one. And when I was younger, I remember my mom telling me some, like, horror stories about home births that she knew of that ended in transfers for whatever reason. So I had no, like, nothing besides my intuition telling me that that was the right thing to do. My mom's own birth with me was a hospital birth with, like, vacuum delivery and episiotomy and all this stuff. And then the doctor ripped her placenta out in chunks, and, like, weeks later, she almost bled to death at home with, like, with me there. And, so she has, like, this whole story that I've known my whole life, and I've that's all I knew birth to be. But I just was like, clearly, that was the doctor's fault, so I'm not gonna give birth in the hospital.
Speaker 2
It's all that funny how we go either way with these stories. Like, you either smell the bullshit or you believe the fear and Yeah. Yeah. You're you really shape your life around, you know, what we take of these stories.
Speaker 3
Oh my gosh. Yeah. Really. And I think one of the, like, interesting pieces to my whole kind of arc here is that I, despite knowing this, was still, like, so attached to the medical system. I had, like, so many stories about myself and my body and just so much attachment to that system. So in my head, I'm thinking, I'm gonna have a home birth for sure. And then I was like, but I need to go to a hospital to, like, get my pregnancy confirmed. And I I didn't understand how the whole, like, medical midwifery system worked. So I thought it was, like, back in the day when you, like, go there and then a physician, like, meets you at your home for the birth, you know? So that's what I thought was gonna happen. I went in for my very first, like, confirmation of pregnancy, and I sat down and this old man, I don't even know if he was a doctor or what his position was, but he sat down and he looked at me and said first thing that comes out of his mouth, no joke, he says, sir, are you gonna keep it? Yeah.
Speaker 2
Oh my god.
Speaker 3
Isn't that insane? And I was young. I was twenty two, but, like, not that young. Yeah. Like, yeah, that was
Speaker 2
There is no so young that that comment would be appropriate.
Speaker 3
Totally. Totally. So I was, like, yes, and I want a home birth. And he kinda was, like, oh, well, we don't do that. And so I just was, like, oh, well, then I guess I'll leave. So that it was like a huge waste of time, but luckily that's all it was. Yeah. So I get home, and I'm talking to my partner, and he knows nothing about birth. He didn't even know for sure if he wanted children. He's never been keyed into any of this. He has no reason to be, and he just said, well, you can just do it by yourself. And I was like, I don't know. Like, that just that thought kinda scared me, and he was like, seriously? Like, you don't think you can just do it by yourself? And then I said, you know what? Actually, like, I have this friend who has a friend who runs the Free Birth Society podcast. And I had heard of you and the podcast, like, years before through our mutual friend and suddenly, like, remembered that women do this. Totally. And that I had just kind of, like, written them off as, like, crazy or just, like, extreme people. And I told them, I remember this conversation so clearly. I said, like, well, if I wanted to give birth on my own, I would basically have to become a midwife. I would basically have to, like, learn as much as a midwife learns, and they go to school for years for this. So, like, I can't do that in nine months. I just didn't understand that it it was so much simpler than that. So I, like, convinced us out of that idea. And we hired a midwife who was incredible throughout our pregnancy. Like, truly exactly what I needed throughout the pregnancy and I would say throughout, like, ninety nine point nine percent of the birth.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Like and she's still a dear friend of mine today, and I still call upon her for, like, ceremonial sacred things. But she is still licensed, so I didn't invite her to my recent birth. But we walked through just, like, this really beautiful journey together throughout pregnancy. We did so much deep inner healing work together. We were doing, like, ritualistic work. Isaac and I, like, really facing childhood wounds, digging up all the shadow work, like, every single month, new shadow work, new healing, and, like, rapid growth together. And I I do think that that was part of the reason why my birth just, like, unfolded so smoothly despite a lot of, like, odds stacked against me. So at the end of that pregnancy, I started having, like, a huge falling out with my family who had traveled all the way to Maine from Hawaii for the birth. Mistake on my part. Like, for your
Speaker 2
invitation. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Because, again, I just, like, didn't understand how the dynamics would be, and there was, like, a huge flying out around the fact that I was having a home birth. So I, like, officially uninvited them to my birth, which was a big deal and just, like, completely felt like I was, like, breaking up with my parents.
Speaker 2
So they're together and you invited both of them to your birth?
Speaker 3
My mom and my stepdad. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Who is like who's super close. Like, he's my he's my father, you know? And my younger sister. So they were all there, and I had, like, a huge fight with all of them while they were here. No. When I was forty one weeks, and I told them, you guys need to go home. Like, I can't do this. It was this huge falling out. We were screaming, crying. It was awful. Wow. Yeah. I remember, like, after this giant fight, I tried to drive away. And it was February in Maine, and I couldn't get my car out of the driveway because of the ice. So my stepdad had to come and pull my car out of the driveway, like, while we were fighting. It was it was awful.
Speaker 2
And what was the fight, like, about, really?
Speaker 3
It it really was about me be going beyond my due date. Like, as soon as I hit forty weeks, they were just like it it was like everyone changed. Including my midwife a little bit. And myself too. Like, I went my whole pregnancy feeling like super confident in my ability to birth. I skipped all the testing and stuff besides ultrasounds, which I was just, like, super indoctrinated into thinking that's what you do. And then forty weeks rolls around, and suddenly everyone was, like, making jokes about, like like, oh, like, this baby's gonna be in there forever and all this stuff. And I was feeling super sensitive about it, and they started subtly, like, saying, so when are you when are you gonna do something? Right? Like, when are you gonna get an ultrasound, or when are you gonna schedule an induction? Like, what what is your midwife doing? Why isn't your midwife doing anything? And I just remember being like, woah. Woah. Like, I'm not doing anything. And and at some point, I finally just called them out on it. And I was like, if this is the energy that's going on, like, y'all can't be at my birth. And that, like, initiated a huge thing. And, yeah. So it was just it was an insane time of life. Also, our dog, one of our dogs was, like, in the process of dying at that point. So there was, like, this whole other huge, like, letting go of that. And my family left. They went they got back on a plane to go back to
Speaker 2
Hawaii. Is so dramatic.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It was so dramatic. It was, like, really I had to I had to, like, turn my phone off completely for multiple days just to, like, get out of the drama. And I totally was just, like, I was so on the drama triangle this whole time. I was just, like, so clung to the drama. And in that drama, I kinda told my midwife, like, that we need to start doing something to get things going. So she came over with castor oil when I was, like, forty one and a half weeks. And I tried it. Thank God it didn't work. Like, it didn't initiate labor, but it was obviously a super awful experience. I was, like, shitting my brains out at forty one and a half weeks pregnant, like, all day. It was just no fun. Right? And, like, now looking back, not the way you wanna start labor. So yeah. And I didn't understand any of the risks associated with that either. It was just like my midwife brought it over, so I tried it. So that that all kind of unfolded. And then, like, the day my parents landed in Hawaii, my waters broke spontaneously. I just it was able to go into labor, and I had a beautiful twelve hour birth at home. I had probably two hours worth of completely pain free transition, which was, like, incredible. It was just the most, like, blissful, transformative, like, psychedelic, trippy experience ever. My midwife was there for probably five hours of it, four or five hours of it, and she just, like, sat in the corner on a chair and watched me the whole time. She was super, like, energetically supportive. And then as I kind of felt like I wanted to push, I said I want I said I think I might be pushy. And she said, would you like me to give you a vaginal exam? At that point, we had discussed not having any vaginal exams. So the question kinda took me by surprise, and I think I just kinda was like, yeah. Okay. It was super uncomfortable. I really wish I hadn't done that, and I wish that I had just been like, no thanks because I know she would have respected that. But it really that that moment really keyed me into how truly vulnerable a woman can be even to just the slightest suggestion in labor.
Speaker 2
Like And it's harder for us to say no than yes. So it's even it's even interesting, like, the way in which we make suggestions in the birth room, you know, could be more sensitively tuned to to that. You know? Like, it's it's harder for us to say no.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And that's something I try to keep that experience in my memory, like, anytime I'm at a birth. Obviously, I'm not giving any vaginal exams, but, like, anything that comes out of my mouth, I'm, like, is I know is being taken into such a higher sensitive frequency that, like, even if I don't think it's a suggestion, it could be taken as a suggestion. You know? So that was kinda my first moment of really realizing, like, oh, yeah. This woman is a licensed midwife. Like, she has paperwork that she has to write down saying that she at least tried to give me a vaginal exam
Speaker 2
Well, not just one time. Not just that, but also that she is she has been, taught to believe that a woman spontaneously pushing is potentially dangerous and that she needs to go deep inside your most intimate parts that are working to melt away to make sure that your pushing is truly intelligent and that your cervix is completely gone because as you know, there's also this weird thought that you you shouldn't be pushing if there's any cervix Yeah. Even though that, of course, happens all the time and is actually a part of moving the cervix out of the way on and on and on. So Yeah. Right? There's so much beyond just the, like, charting that it's it's that she's she actually believes that the most helpful thing to you is to finger you as you begin to feel pushing sensations.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Totally. Of, like, this like, even if she doesn't want any vaginal exams, this will be the one that, like, you know, maybe makes or breaks a dangerous situation
Speaker 2
or whatever. Let's make sure you're actually allowed to push.
Speaker 3
Yes. It's really good. Yeah. And that was that was the vibe that I got from it. And I remember, like, reflecting back on this much, much later thinking, like, oh, you know, in reality, like, that was maybe the first moment that I felt like my midwife just didn't actually trust me. Like, I said my truth, and she questioned it. And that was that was enough for that little split second to feel just a completely different energy shift than what the rest of my birth had been, which was this very supported, very loving, very empowered, like, super powerful feeling to all of a sudden being like, oh, maybe I don't know what's going on here. Also, you said yes to the suggestion,
Speaker 2
and who knows how the energy would have gone and gotten worse
Speaker 3
had you said no. If I had said no. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Totally. She would have started to be like, sweetie, this is this is really important to do because what if you're pushing on a swollen cervix, and we don't want you to transfer. Like, this is what helps you stay home. Right? Like, you're just one tilt away. I mean, you're one no away from from that with all these, you know, medical professionals. It's really it's really interesting.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I I think maybe some part of me knew that. Like, I didn't wanna have a conversation. I was pushing. Right? Like, I didn't wanna have a conversation. Just get it over with. And so that's what we did. And I do think that, like, my energy around, like, this doesn't have to be that big a deal. Let's just get it over with. I do think that helps. Like, I wasn't gonna let myself feel victimized in that moment. So I just, like, said yes, which, you know, obviously, I feel some personal, like, responsibility and regret for, but it didn't ultimately, like, it didn't cause an issue in my birth, like a like a recognizable issue necessarily. It it altered the energy of my birth in that moment, which makes me sad, to reflect on for sure. But I definitely, like, as soon as it was over, I snapped right back into my, like, that primal kind of energetic powerful sensation, and I, like, made my way into the bathroom and got down on all fours, and I birthed my baby. There is also this part of my birth story here where there's been a genuine discrepancy and, like, no one fully knows exactly what happened, because it I birthed, like, behind me. I was in, like, a child's pose, and Isaac was ready my partner was ready to catch her. And my midwife was, like, back taking pictures. So I have a picture of the baby's head fully out and Isaac's hands like under. And that's all I remember. All I remember is feeling the baby come out. But Isaac has told me that he watched the midwife like hook a finger under the baby's armpit. Just kind of as she was coming out to kind of, like, slide the baby into Isaac's hands. So I wouldn't say she, like, pulled the baby out, but, like, kinda pulled the baby out. And I obviously, that's not something I would have felt with my body. I didn't see it happen, so I don't know. But I did
Speaker 2
it's not like you made it up.
Speaker 3
No. Exactly. Like that.
Speaker 2
And it happened. Did you ever ask her
Speaker 3
about it? Yeah. So I had, like, a full during my recent pregnancy, which was two years later, I had, like, a full on debrief with my midwife because because we're friends. You know? So we, like, spoke on the phone for hours and hours, and I just, like, poured my heart out about all the things that I felt like I wished had been different about my first birth. And I, like, took responsibility for my part in it and asked her to take her responsibility for her part in it. It was a really, like, beautiful conversation. But she did say that she she just said, I don't remember pulling the baby out. I remember the baby just, like, flying out into Isaac's hands. Whatever. She goes to lots of births. She probably didn't remember it. But, like, Isaac, I believe my partner, you know, and he said that she pulled the baby out. So there was an intervention there that I was just, like, completely not spoken to me, that, like, no one told me in the moment. I found out months later. Right? When I was just like yeah. That that like, the actual intervention itself didn't even bother me that much. It was the fact that no one even said, and there wasn't an emergency. There wasn't a need for it. There wasn't any I I was just having a normal birth, pushing my baby out, and someone just yeah. Someone just, like, wanted to get their hands on my baby.
Speaker 2
I know how it is, like, looking at Instagram. It's like, all these birth photos will be in my explore feed, and it's, like, these otherwise beautiful pictures. And then there's just gloved hands, gloved hands, gloved hands, gloved hands. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Baby gonna do? Like, if there's not a gloved hand there. Like, oh god. Like, there's no way this couple would be able to figure out how to guide a baby out if there wasn't a medical provider with gloved hands. It's just like, damn does that not ruin a picture.
Speaker 3
Totally. Totally. And I think after I I think it was Yolanda that in the RBK school, she was talking about just, like, no one has to catch the baby. Like, you can just birth the baby onto the floor, and it was, like, my mind was blown. I was, like, how did I because we had this whole I was like, Isaac's gonna catch the baby, blah blah blah. Like, my butt was, like, two inches off the ground. I could have just, like, birthed the baby onto the floor and picked her up myself, which now I kinda wish I had done. Right? You know? But, again, like, all it was all just happening, and I, like, instantly flipped over. I, like, lifted my leg up over the cord so that I could, like, flip over. Baby was in my arms instantly on my naked chest. She was just crying. And, actually, no. That was my recent birth. She didn't cry. I totally forgot about this. She didn't cry at all. I held her, and we just, like, locked eyes, and she just made, like, these tiny little sounds. She was super, super peaceful from the very beginning, and it was beautiful. It was like this this incredible I like, it took me a long time to really sink into what just happened of, like, oh my gosh. They're, like, this is a baby. This is a baby. Seriously. And I think I said that, like, oh, this is a baby. And, yeah. It was it was beautiful. And I'm I'm so so grateful that I had that experience at home. And I I am also very grateful that I had just enough medical intervention to know that I didn't want to hire a midwife again, but not enough medical intervention to, like, traumatize me. And I'm waiting for it. I feel like I got very lucky with that.
Speaker 2
You know? Totally. I don't even know if I'd call those medical interventions. You know? Because, like, we I mean, they're from the medical paradigm, so I guess they are. But they're, you know, there's no, like, instruments or pharmaceuticals. Like, this is stuff that that women will do to them you know, do to other women in supposed free births too. You know? Like, it's a
Speaker 3
disruption for sure. But I can't
Speaker 2
like, just enough for you to see the sensitivity and the significance of the power dynamics in the room too. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Absolutely. Like, it was just looking back at those tiny energetic shifts was enough for me to be like, oh, yeah. Like, I really didn't need that. And I remember telling her afterward, like, you really didn't do hardly anything. Like, I could have done that without you. And she was like, totally you could have. You know? So it very, like, interesting conversations we've had over the years about about that birth. I had an incredibly, incredibly challenging postpartum with my first baby. That was something we just, like, completely didn't even think about. Mhmm. I swear to God, after I gave birth, my midwife was like, okay. Would you like me to go get your underwear? Like, do you have, like, bleeding underwear or, like, depends or something? And I was like, what? Why? Like, that is how unprepared
Speaker 2
I was. Well, so she didn't, like, help prepare you for postpartum. That's interesting.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So she sent me, like, a list of things to buy, But we didn't really, like, talk about it or why I would need those things, and I don't think I took it very seriously. So I just kinda bought, like, the things that I thought made sense, and I didn't understand why someone would need period underwear. I was like, well, I'm not gonna have my period
Speaker 2
for a while.
Speaker 3
So I just didn't I was so uneducated, and I let myself be uneducated because I had a midwife. I think that was this other piece to it was that I allowed her to, like, hero me and mother me through so much or I wanted her to. And I do think that she did a really good job at, like, not mothering me and heroing me in all these ways that I, like, kept trying to ask her to do throughout the pregnancy. But I also like, no one no one really sat me down and was like, hey. This is what postpartum is gonna be like, and this is how you need to prepare for it. Yeah. So I felt very victimized by postpartum. And because we didn't prepare, because we didn't know anything, my partner went back to work on day two. So I was home alone with a dying dog who was, like, shitting everywhere. Oh my god. Insane. Yeah. So and I had this brand new baby, and I because I was so like unprepared and uncared for, I bled for like a month afterward, and I was in a lot of pain. Like, it was just it was incredibly hard. Breastfeeding was super, super painful for, like, at least the first two months. And I just I've heard other women say, like, oh, breastfeeding, it hurts, and you just power through it. So that's what I did. And, you know, eventually, it became not painful. But there was just so much that I I didn't know, and I was turning away help that was trying to come to me. And I wasn't asking for help that I felt like I needed, so I really, I had a lot of, like, growing up to do through that postpartum and then still dealing with the aftermath of, like, my broken family situation with my
Speaker 2
parents. Right.
Speaker 3
Texting them pictures of the baby being, like, here's your grandkid. Sorry we were fighting. Like, you know, first grandbaby ever. So it's a huge deal.
Speaker 2
But also, fuck you.
Speaker 3
Yeah. But also, like, I'm still super mad at you and, like, I would like an apology too. Oh, god. How messy. Yeah. It was it was so messy. So I'm sorry.
Speaker 2
But, like, how dare they? How dare they fly to where you live to get involved in your birth and then freak out and infantilize you and be condescending to you and question you. Like, how dare they? No.
Speaker 3
That's so amazing. That was that was, like, basically what I said to them. Yeah. Yeah. And so there there has since been a lot of healing through that. And I I I will never forget I, like, before I got pregnant with my second, I heard one of your podcast episodes with a woman who had had a similar situation. I don't remember who it was, but her first birth was a home birth, and there was just so much drama with her family around it. They completely fell apart. And then as she became pregnant with her second and chose free birth, it was like this wound with her mother just slowly healed itself and became this, like, really, really beautiful healed relationship. And I remember listening to that thinking like, woah. I wish that could be me. And it totally was. Like, I it took a long time, and it was really hard, but my mother and I because that was, like, the primary conflict was my mother and I. We we really worked to have the conversations, and we visited each other multiple times, like, with the intention of working this out. And we we healed it, and we both owned up to our peace in the drama and apologized, and it was really incredible. So by the time I got pregnant with my second with my son, we were really on the up and up. And from the beginning, you know, I had and in that time, I had done the radical birth keeper school and learned all these tools that completely, completely changed my life and my view of how that drama went down and taught me how to take responsibility for all of that drama, which I really think just, like, catalyzed everything going forward. Like, I learned how to take responsibility for that birth and how that unfolded. I learned about, like, wild pregnancy and and all of these choices that I made in my first that I just wouldn't have made if I had known better. And, yeah, I I, the Radical Birthkeeper School was for sure like the turning point for me in like coming to terms with all the drama that happened in my first birth and then making a complete shift. I quit my corporate job. I was working for child protective services.
Speaker 2
Dude. You're like a movie, Naya. This is like a movie.
Speaker 3
I you're not the first person to say that. I felt like I was in a movie. I was literally working this is, like, maybe the most embarrassing part of my story. I was working at a job, taking babies out of mother's arms. Oh. And sometimes for, like, good reason. Right?
Speaker 2
But Yeah. But says who?
Speaker 3
But says who? Me? Right. Me? Like, an unrelated party who works for the government? Yeah. So I, like, I gave birth to my baby and, like, knew that I wasn't gonna vaccinate her, and instantly was just like, oh, I can't go back to work with an unvaccinated baby. So there was this huge cognitive dissonance forming from, like, the life I had built over here and this new life that my birth was, like, pushing me into, this, like, home birth, empowered birth. I wanted to be a doula. So, you know, all this stuff. So I started, like, trying to meld those worlds together through, like, attending hospital births as a doula and, you know, just all this it didn't work. I was in cognitive dissonance, and the Radical Birth Keeper School just, like, snapped me out of that. I was like, I can't go to hospital births anymore, especially after I had a home birth, and I know, like, how good birth can be. Right? And, like, spoiler alert, it gets way better than, like, even, you know, an uncomplicated home birth, with a midwife. So I yeah, I had this huge turning point. I like rectified this issue with my family. I started attending births outside the system, and I started doing more independent work like online work supporting other supporting other birthkeepers and just other women led businesses in general and really starting to see this picture of what, like, sovereignty in life actually looks like. Like, realizing I can just be a mother without having to take my kid to the doctor and get, like, instructions on how to care for my kid on a monthly basis. You know? Like, I'm
Speaker 2
just they don't give you those. No. You know?
Speaker 3
No. They don't.
Speaker 2
They were more vague than
Speaker 3
that. Yeah. It's really just about injecting them. And from from what I've heard, right, because my kid has never been to a doctor. From what I've heard from other people who have taken their kids there, the advice that they do get is, like, not what I'm about. You know? So I just yeah. I it was this long, slow, arduous path of, like, me coming back to my intuition. All the while my husband is over here just, like, in his intuition knowing all this stuff, no one taught him this stuff. And he's just over here being like, no. Of course, we're not gonna vaccinate. Yeah. Of course, we're gonna have home birth. No. Of course, we don't need a midwife. Like, all this stuff. And I'm like, I have to go through this deep questioning process within myself of, like, is that really true? Like, can we really do that? And so that was incredible to have his just, like, chill, unwavering support as I worked through all this stuff. And by the time I got through the RBK school and was, like, telling him all this stuff, he's like, yeah, babe. I know. Like, I know you had this in you. Like, you just needed to to figure it out. So then we, again, like, unexpectedly, but also kind of intentionally called in our second baby, probably sooner than we would have liked, but that was the timing that we'd let happen. So, yeah, I I was experiencing implantation in, like, the most crazy way in this pregnancy, and I I love this, like, piece to my story because I had traveled to California for a birth. Actually, it was my aunt, giving birth, and she was she was choosing birth outside the system, and she wanted me there. I didn't make it in time for the birth, obviously, because I had to travel three thousand miles to be there. But I got there, like, a few days after and took care of her in postpartum. So I was there, like, taking care of my aunt in her, like, sacred postpartum after her incredible free birth. And I went to this epic full moon women's circle with another RBK from the Free Birth Society membership in this hot spring in Ojai. And, like, we were naked, like, shining our yonis up at the moon and, like, howling and singing, like, hugging each other and crying for no reason. It was, like, maybe the most, like, witchcraft thing I've ever done, And it was so incredible. And I got back home and, like, back to my aunt's house and started having, like, crazy ins like, insane sensations in my womb and, like, low back pain. And I was, like, swaying on the bed and moaning like I was in labor, and I thought I had a kidney infection. So I, like, loaded up on seizures and photos. Yeah. I was like, oh, I, like, ignited this kidney infection.
Speaker 2
I did the wrong spell. I did the wrong spell.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Exactly. So it was just a baby. So so I got home and discovered I was pregnant. I got super nauseous, and they took a pregnancy test. And I was like, yeah. That makes sense. So I had the most, like, jam packed full wild pregnancy. I traveled out of the state five times in my pregnancy. I did a road trip. I got together with some, like, high school girlfriends. I went to a wedding when I was thirty nine weeks. I just had, like, so much fun, and I did hot yoga up until the same morning that I gave birth. Yeah. I just, like, I went from this first pregnancy where I was kinda asking my midwife her opinion on everything and still, like, doing more radical things than most people do, but not feeling very good about it. And just not being sure of myself and not listening to my intuition to just doing anything and everything. Living your life. Yeah. And I really, like, took advantage of that heightened sense of intuition, and I was eating super well and super, like, robust. Like, I was eating all the time and feeling super good about it. And, yeah, I just I just loved this pregnancy. It was so good feeling. And the whole third trimester was was kind of punctuated with these intense pleasure days, just like days that were all about pleasure in my body. And I was, like, so open and and, yeah, just a very sensual, good feeling, amazing pregnancy, and I loved I was teaching tons of yoga. Yeah. So I felt really incredible, and I had I really didn't know, like, when my forty week whatever date was, because I didn't have a menstrual cycle between my first birth and getting pregnant. So I kinda just picked a date on the calendar, based on when I started feeling nausea in first trimester. I was like, okay. Well, maybe that was, like, six weeks. And I just picked a date, and it was the exact date that I gave birth. And I've I always tell people, like, literally, you could pick a date on a calendar, and it'd probably be more accurate than, like, getting an ultrasound for your due date or whatever. You know? So I just kind of, like, intuitively was like, yeah. I think it's gonna be early June, maybe June seventh. And then as I like, halfway through towards the end of pregnancy, I was like, no. I think it's gonna be June fourth, which is the birthday of my deceased grandfather who was, like, by far my closest, most special family member, that I had a really, really close connection with all throughout my childhood and really, really seriously grieved his death for many, many years and still, like, pray to his spirit and see him in dreams, and all this stuff. So when I realized my baby was probably gonna be born around then, I knew it would be on his birthday. And and it was. So, yeah, that yeah. It was, like, I I guess I had an exactly it which was also a full moon, so I think I had an exactly nine moon pregnancy, which is pretty cool from full moon to full moon. Yeah. So I think that's everything from the pregnancy. It was just like an insane insane wild time.
Speaker 2
How did how did it go this time around letting your family know that you were gonna free birth?
Speaker 3
Well, because of the work I had been doing, I think it was just kinda obvious. Like, I don't think I actually ever said out loud, I'm gonna free birth to my parents. Mhmm. You know? But, like, I have this Instagram account where I'm talking all about free birth and how, like, good it is and how important it is and all this stuff. And I'm, like, actively attending births outside the system and telling my mom about it. And so when I told her I was pregnant, I think it was just this, like, yep. This is just what Naya does. Like, Naya's in this world now, and we're not gonna question it. And and I really think that was due to me fully, like, standing in my power about it, like, fully saying, this is what I believe. This is what I've believed all along. Like, this is what I do for a living. I've seen this happen, and it's this is the way. And so when it came time for me to be like, I'm pregnant again, there was no discussion of, like, well, what are you gonna do for prenatal care or whatever. It was yeah. Like, my mom just asked me, like, how I was feeling, and she was very supportive and loving the whole time. She loved, like, seeing pictures of my belly, and she you know, we we just didn't talk about that part of it, which was right for us, and it allowed us to have, like, a really beautiful connection throughout the whole pregnancy. Yeah. I think there were times where I had wished, like, oh, I wish she would ask me a little bit because, like, obviously, this is my passion, and I love talking about it. But I'm so glad that it was just simple and easy, and I really feel like I chose to not have a drama filled pregnancy and birth, and that's what happened. Like, I committed to letting go of drama, and I didn't have any drama.
Speaker 2
I mean, that's how it works.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Which, like, blows my mind, and it blows other people's mind when I say that. I'm like, no. I literally just chose to stop having trauma. And it was it was really incredible. Like, I think how like, choosing a drama free pregnancy and birth was, like, the most important choice I made out of all of it because that underpins all the other choices. You know? I don't want the drama of intervention. I don't want the drama of, like, oh, is it time to go to the hospital yet? I don't want the drama. It just don't. And that made it so easy and simple to just be, like, I'm just gonna live as a pregnant person, and I'm just gonna, like, live as a birthing woman, and, like, the baby is gonna come out. You know? Yeah. So it felt really easy. And then, obviously, on top of all the, like, physiological information that we learned in the RBK school about how truly safe and physiologically optimal it is, it felt like a complete no brainer at that point. Like, there was no other no other option considered there. It's not even a conversation. So I yeah. I went through it feeling just, like, very free. Very, very free, which which was, like, incredible. Free from myself and my own baggage and my own drama and free from the system and all of their drama. And and I I really think that it made, like, physiological difference in my body. Like, my body felt better. Mhmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Okay. So tell us your birth story.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 3
So on the morning of June fourth, we woke up. It was a Sunday, and, we had plans to go to a nine AM hot yoga Vinyasa class. And I had been kind of feeling the day before, like, that spacey kinda high kinda feeling like, oh, I think birth is happening. And I had this date in my head of June fourth, so I kinda knew. I had had a little bit of, like, weird fluid gush on the Saturday before, just, like, random tiny little burst of fluid, like, could have been pee, Not really sure. So I just was like, should I stay home and rest? But ultimately, I decided I'm gonna go to the yoga class. If I start having contractions and I don't wanna keep going, then I'll stop and, like, just let it be. So I went to the yoga class, which was by far, like, the best yoga class I've ever been to because I was in that, like, super high, like and I was sweating. It was, like, ninety five degrees. I was doing tons of super deep squats. Like, my body was so open, and it was amazing. And then afterward, we went to the grocery store. And I think Isaac was also, like, tapped into the birth energy because we were walking around the store like we were high. And we are so sober. We are, like, so so so sober. And we're walking around the store being, like, oh, we need all this food. So we just, like, loaded up on so much food, like, the most impulse buying we've ever done. We got, like, the nicest, like, most delicious food. And we went home, and we got home around noon, and we put our daughter down for a nap, and we all fell asleep. And then Isaac and I had sex, kinda knowing it was gonna be, like, the last time before the baby came, and we fell asleep for a little bit more. Or maybe we had sex first and then napped. Yeah. I don't really remember that timeline, but we slept, and I woke up at, like, three thirty or four in the afternoon with just the, like, tiniest, tiniest, crampy, little pinchy sensation in my womb, and I just told Isaac, like, to sit. I know that, like, today is gonna be the day. And that, like, tiny little pinchy sensation kind of got a little rhythmic for, like, maybe every thirty minutes or so for a while and then maybe every ten minutes. But it was, like, every ten minutes for most of it, and it was really, really, like, way less than a period cramp, like, so small. Yeah. So chill. So, like, Aurelia woke up from her nap. Isaac and Aurelia went outside, and they were, like, playing in the woods and just kind of puttering around. It was like this kinda gloomy, wet, rainy days. Like, everything was it was just like a wet day. Right? Like, hot yoga, sweating, like, a little bit of fluid here and there, and then this, like, gloomy moist day. So I was just kinda puttering around the house, cooking, cleaning. I just, like, couldn't stop eating. I was nonstop eating. I had probably, like, six to eight full cooked meals that day. I'm not even joking. I was eating so much, like, up until the baby came out. And then I had another huge meal after the baby came out. I was and every bite of food was, like, orgasmic. It was so good, Emilee. Like, really yeah. I was loving the food. And so I just kinda did that, like, puttered around the house. I set up my little birth altar. I had had a blessing way ceremony a few days before, and all these women brought, like, these beautiful things for me to put on my birth altar. So I built that out, and just enjoyed, like, put on some music, had had a good time, and really didn't, like, notice the sensations hardly at all, but I knew at some part of me that I was, like, in labor. So I think it was around six thirty that they came back in. We had another meal, and we sat down to watch our favorite show in the world, Avatar the Last Airbender. And we I was texting my friend who is a just a mom friend that I love, and she was in town with the intention of supporting me in postpartum. And I told her that, like, if I wanted her at the birth, I'd let her know. So I texted her and I was like, yeah. I'd love for you to come over and just, like, be here and hang out with my daughter if she wants to hang out. I'm like, I think today's the day. And, but it seems like it's going really slow, so take your time. You can come over in, like, two hours. Well, she she took her time and showed up in two hours, and she got there five minutes before the baby came. So it was, like, ten minutes after I sent that text. All of a sudden, it was a hundred and eighty degrees different. Like, I was we were ten minutes into the first episode of Avatar, and I literally was like, you gotta turn that off and close all the windows right now. And go ahead. And I just, yeah, I was in it so fast, so rapidly. So I just, like, was on the ground on all fours just writhing. And this was, like, incredibly intense, incredibly painful. Like, I'm not gonna pretend I had a pain free birth. It was super painful. It was insane, and I what got me through it was, like, fully narrating out loud my entire experience, which I didn't do intentionally. It was just coming out of me. Like, I I knew it.
Speaker 2
Like, now I'm gonna put my hand on the floor. Now I'm gonna move my hips. Now I'm gonna Yes. Literally. That's funny.
Speaker 3
Exactly like that. And and also narrating, like, all of my thoughts. You. Yeah. I really think I was, like, channeling my, like, yoga whatever. It I was also speaking aloud every single thought I had. So I would be like I'd be like, oh my god. I didn't think it was gonna hurt this bad, but I know that birth hurts. Like, I've seen birth hurt all the time, and so it just like, I just have to get through it. And, oh my god, I feel another contraction coming. Oh god, please help me. Please help me. Okay. That one's over now. Like, it was nonstop. Wow. That's funny. Probably super annoying for Isaac. But it was it just it I was, like, speaking in tongues. It just came out of me. And for whatever reason, it was helpful. It was, like, helping me regulate my breathing. I don't know. I had no inhibition, so, like, I wasn't worried about what anyone was thinking of me. Isaac went and set up Aurelia with a movie. He put on Moana for her in the other room, and our house is super tiny. So she was just, like, right on the other side of the wall from me. And he started drawing me a bath, and I made my way into the bath because in Rilla's birth, the water really, really helped. That was, like, what instantly snapped me into that, like, pain free psychedelic state. And so I was like, oh, yeah. I'm gonna get in the water. Pain's gonna go away. That didn't happen. I was, like, pretty disappointed. I got in and I was, like, why is it not getting better? Probably because I was, like, in transition. So I got in the water. It was, like, kinda relaxing, but not really. My daughter got in the water with me for a little bit. I had some contractions. We, like, had a conversation. I told my daughter, like, I'm working really hard because the baby's gonna come out, and she kinda understood but didn't care.
Speaker 2
She's old at the time of birth? Two. Yeah. She's so little.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like, two and a few months. So, Yeah. She she was, like, whatever, mom. Yeah. She, like, didn't care. She wasn't scared. She wasn't weird about it. She was just like, okay. I'm gonna go back to my movie. So she went back to her movie, and I kinda went back and forth between my, like, ground station of pillows, blankets on the floor and the bath. But it was a long walk between them. So I think a lot of that, like, walking back and forth also made it, like, I don't know, kinda got things moving. But I was just feeling every single sensation, and that was something from my first birth. I remember hearing other people say, like, I could feel everything. I could feel my cervix opening. Like, I could feel myself dilating. I could feel that my pelvic bones opening, and I remember thinking I didn't feel any of that my first birth. I just felt, like, the pain of the contraction and then my baby coming out. And now I know what people meant when they said that. Like, I was so so so keyed into every little sensation in my body that it was all the more painful and intense, but also, like, so cool and fascinating. And that, like, observer back part of me was saying things like, wow, this is so cool. Like, this is so amazing and so beautiful, and so I got to have this very powerful, like, dual experience of just being, like, fascinated with birth and with my body. And that only you know, that back and forth only lasted for a few hours until, like, I on the way to the bathtub again, I told Isaac, like, this is the last time I'm going back and forth, so, like, please bring the blankets and stuff to the bathroom. Because if I wanna get out of the tub again, like, I'm not walking anywhere. So he did and made me, like, this really awesome little, like, blanket pillow thrown right outside of the bathtub. And I got in the bathtub, and it was around that time that our photographer had arrived, who was a woman from my women's circles. Like, she had been coming to Village Prenatals for a while. She knew that I was, like, all anti medical system and was super awesome about it. She was, like, fully fly on the wall, which was so cool. And so she showed up and just did her thing. I didn't even, like, notice her there, and I kinda got into this, like, more quiet internal, like, whimpering kind of state, wondering, like, where am I right now? Like, how much longer is this gonna be kind of thing? So I decided to, like, feel inside myself, and I I shouldn't even say decided because I just did it. My body just, like, put my fingers inside fully out of, like, I don't know, just instinct. I didn't consciously decide that at all. And I felt the amniotic sac still intact, and that was, like, the coolest feeling. I was like, woah. This is so beautiful. And I remember thinking, like, don't poke it too hard. So I just kind of had that little cool experience of knowing what it was like to, like, slowly and gently feel inside myself in an intuitive way as opposed to, like, having another woman do it in, like, an like, a nonintuitive way. And it was, like, not obviously, it wasn't painful at all. It was, like, borderline pleasurable. And my baby's head was, like, right there. The sac was still intact, so that gave me, like, a little bit of kind of boost of energy. I then just intuitively got out of the bath and onto the floor in kind of like a, like, all fours position where I was leaned over like a big pillow. And that's when my dear best friend, Stephanie, arrived, and she just very quietly walked in and sat down on the edge of the bathtub next to me. I think she, like, brushed a piece of hair out of my face and said hello, and I instantly, her presence made me feel, like, so good. It wasn't like I, like, I was relieved that someone was there for me. It was more that I was like, I love this person so much, and I'm so glad she's here. Like, I just wanted to, like, embrace her. I just felt so good having her near me, and she just literally, that's all she did was be near me, and I loved that. Isaac and Aurelia were off somewhere else in the house. I don't know what they were doing. And then I think it was really that, like, wave of relaxation and just, like, joy that my friend was there that helped my waters to release. Because, like, as soon as she entered the room, like, two minutes later, my waters exploded everywhere, and it felt so good. It felt, like, incredibly pleasurable. And I then, like, found my body moving my right leg up into a lunge position, and I remembered that, like, observer part of my brain remembered that piece of information that I think I heard sister Morningstar say at one point, which is that, like, a woman will intuitively move into the most optimal birthing position when she's left undisturbed, whatever that position is for her. And I, like, watched my body move my leg and thought to myself, oh, I'm doing it. Like, that's so cool. So I was in this lunge, and in the next, like, exhale, my baby was coming out. There was no pushing. There was no, like, head out, wait, turn, nothing. Like, I just waters exploded, and I looked down and my leg is up, and my baby is just, like, being, like, exploded out of my body in this incredibly powerful way with, like, no effort from me whatsoever. I mean, obviously, it was effortful, but I wasn't intentionally pushing. And I caught my own baby. Like, I had my hands around his head kinda or, like, you know, around on his head as he was coming out. And then he just, like, slid out into my hands, and he was screaming. And he was so like full and chunky and healthy looking, and I just brought him to my chest. And it was I was in the most ecstatic, blissful, incredible joy I've ever experienced in my entire life. Like, I it was it was so, so very different than the feeling I had from my first baby, and I thought that was the most joy I've ever felt in my life. And I think that's what, like, just keeps recurring to me is this thought of, like, I didn't even know it could get so much better. So good. Like, so good. I just I couldn't, and it lasted. It lasted for weeks into the postpartum, and that was really, really cool. Yeah. So we just we had our moment, and I was still narrating. I really wish someone had gotten a video because I would have loved to pull up on
Speaker 2
my face for work. And now I look at my baby. Yeah.
Speaker 3
I was just I would it was yeah. It was nonstop. I so I asked my photographer, and she said that, like, shortly after the birth, maybe, like, ten minutes after, because I was just sitting there observing my baby. At some point, I was like, oh, someone needs to get Isaac. So Isaac someone got Isaac. I think yeah. He was he was nowhere to be found. He was just with our daughter. And so he came in, and he was like, oh, the baby's here. And he asked me, did do you know if it's a girl or a boy? And I looked. It was a boy. We knew. We knew the whole time it was a boy. There was no doubt in our mind. So I was like, oh, yeah. It's a boy, though. And that was really cool. Oh, I remember also the cord. Looking at the cord was so vibrant and so blue and so beautiful, and I loved I loved seeing the twisty cord and everything and just, like, being able to touch everything myself and just this very primal, experience of, like, there's no midwife here to, like, do anything, so I get to just, like, play. It was very playful. Like, I can play with the cord. I can play with the placenta. You know? So maybe ten or fifteen minutes after the birth, I start, you know, whatever subconsciously, like, speaking out these, like, incantations about the placenta, and I didn't even realize I was doing this. My photographer told me later that I said something like, I'm ready to get this placenta out of me now. And just as those words came out, so did the placenta. Just, like, slid out. I didn't do anything. It just came it just plopped out onto the ground, and that was really nice and easeful. And I was able to just, like, open it up and look at it and feel it and everything. And we after we severed it, we, like, held it up and swung it around to show my daughter, and she thought that was really funny. So we kinda slowly made our way into the bedroom, into the bed, and Isaac made me my, like, favorite meal ever. Super juicy red bloody cheeseburger on sourdough bread, and I scarfed two of them down. And then we, after a couple hours, we did a umbilical cord burning ceremony with, like, candles and whatnot. And that was really, really beautiful and just very nice and slow and peaceful, and our daughter got to hold a a candle with the help of my friend. And, yeah, it was just it was all very simple and very easy. Like, it was just a part it was, like, how we spent our afternoon. It's just a part of our day. And he was born right before nine PM, so, like, we got to go to bed at a normal time. Yeah. And that's actually how it happened with my daughter too. She was also born right at nine PM. So I had had a full night sleep before and a full night sleep after both births. I'm so grateful for that. Like Nice. Such a privilege. Yeah. So it was really it was really, really just very simple and peaceful. We all got tucked into bed, and he breastfed easily. No pain whatsoever. Like, just just easy. Everything was easy. And we woke up the next day in our new in our new beautiful life, and I had the most incredible postpartum, the most blissful, amazing postpartum, like, everything everything was, like, orgasmic. Every meal I ate was orgasmic, like, laying there with my baby, cuddling my baby was so good. I felt so good that I, like, wanted to go back to working. I had I was building websites for some people, and I was like, I'm so excited to, like, dump some creative juices into my work. Like, I yeah. It it was, like, the most joyful, blissful time ever. And Isaac was home with me. My friend was taking care of us. Like, it was yeah. And that was obviously a result of, like, us changing our life very intentionally to be able to support a postpartum because of the things we learned, like, through the radical birth keeper school and, like, taking responsibility for our life so that when these things happen, they can be joyful, you know, rather than just, like, being the victim of this experience like like I was the first time. So, yeah, it was like a very full circle kind of experience, and I still feel like now I'm almost three months out. And I still feel like I still have those days of, like, postpartum high and bliss and just, like, looking at my baby and feeling this deep cyclical joy. That's all I know how to describe it as. Yeah. It's oh, so good. Yeah. I wanna do it a bajillion more times.
Speaker 2
I know. I remember, like, on day two laying in bed trying to calculate my age with how many babies I could pull off with, like, all the other stuff I wanna do. I was like, okay. I didn't know how many could I have.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Oh my gosh. I've done the same thing.
Speaker 2
Tell me a little bit about your decision to have a birth photographer there because that's yeah. Like, I mean, a part of me of course, I say this lovingly, but a part of me, like, doesn't believe you that you didn't notice her because, like, how is that possible?
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
But, like, how So tell me about that? Because, like, of course, it's, like, such a cool idea, and she got such great photos of you. And, also, that, like, is a lot of people at your birth.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So and that was it was literally a last minute decision for me, and I would not have done it I wouldn't have rather had it any other way. So she's, like, a personal friend of mine that had come to our women's circles a a bunch, and she had done family photos for us in the past, so I knew her vibe. Mhmm. She had heard my dream birth story, like, a bunch of times, and she basically told me one of the things that I have routinely over and over again felt really sad about was that there weren't more pictures from my first birth. And so she came to me and was, like, very, very kind, offered me a pay what you can, and said, I'm just gonna put myself on call for you. You don't have to commit. You don't have to sign a contract. We'll talk about money afterward. Pay what you can. Just if you're in labor and you think that you want a photographer, I will be there. I know all your boundaries. Don't worry. So that that made me able to have a more, like, intuitive decision in the moment, and I should correct myself. Obviously, I realized she was there. And she, like, walked in the room, and she was trying to be so hard of a fly on the wall. But, like, I saw her, and I was like, hi, Angela. I you know, I see you. It's okay. We can talk. Yeah.
Speaker 2
I know.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. Like, she was being so cautious, and, like, she didn't even come into the room. She was in the doorway.
Speaker 2
So like, she of the pictures, like, didn't bother you? Like, didn't
Speaker 3
No. Not at all. No. And I think I think part of the reason is because she got there so late in the game that, like, I was already so in it, that, like, it just those kinds of things weren't registering for me. And it didn't feel like she was it didn't feel like she was there. So, like, I noticed her energy and her persona, you know, her personhood or whatever. But I didn't, like, I didn't. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But I didn't, like, notice the sounds of the I don't actually think she had, like, a shutter sound.
Speaker 2
Who did I say?
Speaker 3
I didn't notice the camera itself. And because Isaac and Aurelia were in a different room, and I was, like, in this kind of dark corner in the bathroom, and all the lights were off. And my friend kinda just, like, sat there super quietly next to me. I felt Yeah. Like, very alone.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 3
I didn't feel like there were a lot of people there. When I look back, I'm like, oh, there were, like, four people besides me in the house, but it it was so undisturbed. It didn't feel that way. But I don't think I would hire a different photographer. Like, I don't think I would just, like, look for photographers and
Speaker 2
then the photographer can hire them. Fit for you.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Totally. And I'm so glad I did it because I I like, those photos are They're insane. Priceless. Oh my god. Yeah. They're insane. Yeah. They're so awesome. So I'm really yeah. I'm really, really happy, with that decision. But for future births, I probably won't. I'll probably just, like, have Isaac snap a couple. Yeah. I was very happy with that with, like, the people that I invited into the space just literally witnessing me, and that was it. And, you know, I think my my friend who, like, she had had a hospital birth, and she had she didn't, you know, she had never witnessed birth before. And so she was really just there, like, as my friend to see me in that state, and that was, like, really, really special to just feel her energy. Like, that was all I wanted from her, and that was exactly what I got. Yeah. Love it. Yeah. Yeah. Such a powerful like,
Speaker 2
every meal in postpartum is orgasmic.
Speaker 3
Oh my gosh. So it was
Speaker 2
Like, Isaac must feel like the most incredible chef.
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He and he he's, like, a chef. He was a professional cook for a while.
Speaker 2
Amazing.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So, like, he totally was, like, going all out, with the meals. Oh my gosh. He's gonna hate that I tell this story, but, actually, one of the meals, he thought it would be really funny to play a little joke on me. And he brought me this, like, beautiful tray full of, like, awesome oats with that goddess ghee on top and, like, cinnamon sprinkled on top and this array of fruit and, like, bacon and all this stuff. And he put a tiny little carpenter ant right on the top of the yolks and just served the tray. Were in a live Yeah. A dead one. And he was like, I put some extra protein in the oats. No. Oh my god. I was it took me a second, but I was cracking up. But, yeah, we had such a good time. And, actually, I had I had the only real, like, challenging postpartum experience was the afterpains, which did get worse the second time. Mhmm. They were, like, three days. It was super intense. It was like I was in labor again. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. It was so hard. Tinctures helped. But the more, like, pleasurable orgasmic experience I had, the more intense they were. Right? Like, all the oxytocin was flowing. So I would, like, look at my baby and be like, oh, I'm so in love with my baby, and I would eat this amazing food. I love this food. Yeah. And then it would hurt more, and I'd be, like, stop feeling so good. Yeah. It's just this little cycle of, like, feeling really good and then the after face. Bam. And yeah. Like, maybe a little bit of an upper limit problem.
Speaker 2
But so intense.
Speaker 3
Yeah. But it helped me to just, like, tap back into that, like, resting kind of recovering mode. Because I did feel so good. I'm glad I wasn't tempted to, like, sabotage myself and get out of bed. So I I, like, committed myself to staying in bed for three weeks at least, and then I started kinda walking around and whatnot. But I didn't physically feel like I had to because my body felt so good. Like, I remember actually thinking that, like, my body felt, like, better than it did before getting pregnant. Like, I felt so good and healthy, and I just wanted to, like, bask in that. And I committed to staying in bed for three weeks, and I think that helped to continue that feeling. So now, like, three months out, I'm feeling, like, in incredible health, like, better than I was before, which I've heard in, like, ancient Ayurvedic wisdom. They say that, like, those first forty days determine the next forty years of your health, and I am really seeing that. Like, I I think I actually did some serious deep healing of maybe some physiological wounds that happened in my first postpartum and, like, full circle completed that. So, yeah, I mean my my free birth has healed so many wounds of my life, like it, you know, I watched my wound with my mother heal, like my relationship has healed in many ways, like it even helped me to heal, even helped me to heal, like, whatever kind of awkwardness or tension there was between my midwife from my first birth and I. As I came into my power and realized that I didn't want her there, like, we were able to have a friendship now. You know? So, like, just so much healing has occurred through this of mind, body, and spirit, and and I think even healing with my daughter that I didn't even know needed to happen. Like yeah. And healing of my business. Like, my my business feels like it's going in the direction that I really want it to be going out to. And yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. Like, birth birth absolutely changes your life one way or another.
Speaker 2
Well, like, it can.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
It can. It has it's a it's it's one of those peak, you know, markers on our graph that it has the potential to rapidly accelerate in either direction. But I don't think, like, every woman necessarily feels super changed. You know? But, obviously, we see it in the free birth world. And I think, you know, what you're speaking to around all of this healing is is kind of what I'm talking about that that not everybody has a free birth and feels more in their power, but a lot of women do. And it's like, like, it's a possibility. But you didn't just free birth in a vacuum. You cleaned up your life in order to free birth. Right? So it's like, yeah, it's this apex of the of the whole thing for sure. And what you said, like having Isaac at home, being really intentional about who's there and who's not, and, you know, healing stuff with your family. I mean, all of these markers create a total a totally different shift. And so the healing what am I trying to say? That that part of becoming fully embodied and in your own power creates the, it's not just opportunity, like, creates the reality where you can alchemize all your because you are going to be a lot less tempted to project power dynamics on them. Right? Yeah. So then all of a sudden, you can actually heal and actually be in in a much deeper, layer of intimacy with the people around you because you're not just, like, outsourcing.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I really, like I had no idea how much I was outsourcing until I made this shift in my life. And and looking back, like, it's incredible that I that I was still doing as well as I was in life because I was I was living in victim consciousness so hardcore, and it feels so good to be out of that and to have that, like, fully crystalized by the birth and and really by the postpartum even more so, like, that it was like that final ceremony of this long rite of passage that I kind of created for myself, and I called in other people to help me formulate this rite of passage journey. Like, I called in the healing with these different relationships, like you said, alchemizing these relationships, and the birth was this big, grand, final ceremony. I just I can't think of any other better way to describe it. It was the most ceremonial, joyous day of my life, and I just it reinforced in me so strongly that that any woman can claim that if she wants to.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So how can women find you?
Speaker 3
I am on Instagram as loyal mama birth That's w o I l d mama birth. Wild is like a play on words for old wild world. Yes. You can find me on Instagram and all my all my contact and website and info, everything is on there.
Speaker 2
But what if someone's not on Instagram?
Speaker 3
If someone's not on Instagram, they can go to wildlife wellness dot com, w o I l d, well wildlife wellness dot com, and all our info is on there. We do, all sorts of radical birth stuff online, and I do radical birthkeeping here in Maine. And then my husband also does, like, nutritional ancestral, like, food healing stuff too, which is on there as well.
Speaker 2
Awesome. Well, thank you. Thank you for your time.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Thanks so much, Emilee. Thank you. I really, like, I I thank you in my heart all the time, but it's not very often that I get to look you in the eyes and say thank you, but thank you so, so much for this work that you're doing and for the podcast and the RBK school and everything. Like, you have been such a a huge mentor and turning point in my life, and I'm so grateful.
Speaker 2
You are so welcome, Anne. Can you please come to MRF next summer?
Speaker 3
Yes. If I'm I really, like, literally thought that I I was, like, so close to buying the tickets, and then I found out I was pregnant. And I calculated the baby time, and I was just, like, are you effing kidding me?
Speaker 2
Just don't be pregnant again.
Speaker 3
Yeah. No. I don't wanna get pregnant again that soon. So No. No. Or if I do, like, get pregnant right before or whatever, so I'm, like, in second trimester golden time at matriarch rising. But, yeah, I won't be on the verge of giving birth next summer.
Speaker 2
Alright.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Thank you.
Speaker 3
Lots of love. Thanks, Emilee. Have a good day. See you.
Speaker 2
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it on free birth society dot com and leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the word of Sovereign Birth. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out about all of it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below in the show notes. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, and the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and, of course, our annual women's festival. Our exclusive vetted private membership is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters. Together, we rise. We must speak our stories, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution, and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our epic Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging out babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star.
