Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild, I'm good. Into the wild, I'm here. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom change since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 1
Today on the show, we have the beautiful Mallory who birthed her first child in the hospital with an epidural. Mallory shares how much pain she was in postpartum, both physically and emotionally. She then has a second birth in the hospital, but this time with no epidural and hardly any interventions, and it was in her declining everything the hospital had to offer that she realized she didn't need to birth her children there ever again.
Speaker 2
So, I never thought about being a mom or birthing. I was never a baby person. And it's just so funny because, like, once I became pregnant for the first time, it all, like, rushed into my, being, I guess. Like, it was just all of a sudden all about pregnancy, all about, you know, what kind of mom I was gonna be, and, just all about, you know, how I was gonna raise my kids and all that. But my first birth, was in two thousand ten. I, you know, we had insurance. I went to the OB. It was, like, very standard, very typical. Looking back on it, it was not. It was, you know, bad, I guess, considering my fir my fourth birth, you know. But, I mean, it was very standard. I went to all my appointments. They did all the checks. I didn't really research much. You know, I didn't have to because my doctor was in charge of my pregnancy and, you know, whatever. And I I'm I'm I live in a relatively small town, and so none of the trendy, like, I say, I don't mean trendy in a in a bad term, but, like, doulas were not popular. Midwives were not popular. Like, I don't even think I really knew what either of those things were. You know, there were midwives at the practice, but, you know, just a couple of things that kinda stick out with my first birth was, the midwife or a midwife at that practice really pushed the flu shot on me. And I yeah. And I, like I mean, we aren't doctor people. Like, I we didn't run to the doctor for everything. We never got flu shots or, you know, any of that. But she was, like, highly offended that I refused the flu shot, and my husband was with me at that appointment. And, you know, we were very adamant, but afterwards, that just really stuck with me. It's like I'm expressing no, and she would not let up. And so I was like, okay. That's just kinda weird. And the fact that she was a midwife, I was like, I thought they were kinda supposed to be a little bit more women centered. You know? But fast forward to that birth, it was in the hospital. I wanted to try and do it, without an epidural, and it was totally because I wanted the trophy. It was not, you know, because I wanted to embrace birth. It my my mind was not thinking that way at all yet at that point. But, you know, I I went in there. The lights were on. The room was crowded. People in and out. My my mom and my mother-in-law and my husband were there. And, you know, everybody's just kinda chatting and, you know, I'm trying to focus on contractions. I didn't really prepare in any way. No, you know, hypnobirthing, breathing techniques, nothing nothing like that to help me cope with the pain. And I was just, alright. Let's go. You know? I ended up asking for the epidural just because it got, you know, too unbearable. I I pushed for probably two hours. They had me start pushing around eight centimeters. Yeah. And I I remember I'm laying in bed. I have the epidural. I can't feel a thing. So they're like, push when you feel pressure. I'm like, I can't feel pressure. I don't know like, what am I I I had no idea. And so they're, like, coaching me, to push. And every time I push, I could feel the nurse, like, stretching my crinium with her fingers. Yeah. And I'm totally normal. You know? That's what's supposed to happen. I so I didn't think anything of it. Avery was born, about two hours later, and I was just so exhausted. I remember asking I was like, I'm not gonna be able to finish this if I can't have something to eat. Like, I have no energy left. And the nurse is just like, I'm sorry. You know, we can't let you have anything. And so my husband found, like, some candy in my purse, and I, like, had to sneak it, you know, but just that yeah. It was it was looking back, I'm like, that was horrible. That was absolutely horrible. Sex after Avery's birth was painful for probably a solid year. Like, I don't even know if I got a an episiotomy. I I tore. I don't know if it was, natural tear or if it cut me, but, I mean, ever it was just and thinking back, I I feel like I was holding trauma there. That's why it, you know, it took so long for sex to be comfortable because of what I had gone through. And I didn't realize that at the time, but just, you know, learning more and being able to process what had happened, I I know that now. But my my second birth, my daughter, I had done a ton more research, still nowhere to the level of discovering, you know, unassisted or free birthing. But, I made a birth plan. I was so excited about it. I was like, you know, I'm not wearing a hospital gown. I'm not doing IVs. I'm not doing an epidural. I'm laboring in the tub. Like, I was I was so excited. I was like, this birth is gonna be so much better. And, I remember bringing the I typed out my birth plan, and I remember it I break brought it into the, one of my doctor's appointments, and I handed it to him. And I was just like, here, I have a birth plan. He kinda looked at it, and he was like, well, I mean, we can put it in your file here, but just bring it to the hospital. And I was just like, okay. So you're not gonna ask me about it. We're not gonna talk about it. You know, you don't wanna I I I was just like, okay. And so that, like, totally took the wind out of my sails. I was like, so you don't you're not educating. You don't care. Yeah. You don't care. Like, so, you know, what I want to happen, you yeah. You don't care. But in the hospital, the labor was much better. I stayed in the tub the whole time and drastically reduced pain. I ended up, birthing without an epidural, which I was I was so happy. I was like, I'm never getting an epidural again ever again. It was a horrible decision. And that was actually the first birth that I experienced the fetal ejection or, yeah, fetal ejection reflex. And, I don't even know if I knew what that was at the time, but, like, I I it was just amazing. Like, the almost like everything went into slow motion as she was birthing, and I I felt, like, every movement, I felt the crowning. You know? There was no ring of fire. I like, it wasn't everything that I had prepared myself for, the pain, it was drastically less. With my third, it was very similar. I didn't even, I didn't even type up a birth plan that time. So I was like, they don't care, so I you know, I don't care. I'm just gonna nope. Nope. Not doing this. Not doing this. Nope. You know? Like, I I had a ton more confidence. All of my doctor's appointments were me just, like, going in there and be like, do we have to do this? Do we have to do this? And they're like, well, no. As far as, like, checks and, you know, measuring bundle height and the, little dopplers. I'm like, is that necessary? Like, can can I just go, you know? And by the end of that pregnancy, it was just very clear that I didn't need anything they had to offer. Mhmm. You know? And I I hate that it took me three births to really find that confidence. You know, and I'm not of course, I'm not speaking for all women. This is just me, but, like, I I didn't need any of that. My body didn't need any of that. I believe that women don't need any of that whether or not other women, you know, believe that themselves. It it's a journey. It definitely is because, you know, I I went down that journey for sure. But, I mean, the the birth it's a birth. Oh, gosh. I I went I was in the tub and they were, like, trying to check me in the tub and, the nurse is like, baby, I gotta check you. I gotta let the doctor know, you know, how how many centimeters you are. And I'm thinking I'm like, can't I tell you, like, when I'm starting to feel labor happen or, you know, the birth happen? Like, it was just so painful, and I remember just, like, practically begging, like, do you please don't? It hurts so bad. You know? Like, maybe I have to. I have to. And then it's I hate when people my age refer to me as, you know, baby or honey or whatever. That's disgusting. I'm like, I'm not your baby. I'm not your honey. Like, Just stop it. And I know it's a southern thing, and some people just hit the habit. But just that that stuck out in my mind. It's like, I like, I'm not lesser than you. I don't know. I just felt lesser the with with all of those births. So I ended up I got out of the tub because legally, you know, you're not allowed to birth in the water, and I actually It's not a law. Well, I see. I know that. You know, I It's not like they don't
Speaker 1
no no legislation gives a shit enough about us to write that into the law anyway. It's just a hospital preference. Yeah.
Speaker 2
That's exactly what it is. Like, all of these things, like, if I literally just started pushing and gave birth in the tub, like, what are you gonna arrest me? You know? Like, it's it's not illegal. But, but during that, the, him coming out, you know, I started to feel the fetal ejection reflex, and, I wanted to for whatever reason, I was really conscious on not wanting to tear. Like, I wanted to do this pregnancy very slow or do that birth very slow and controlled and, you know, on my time. Like, I didn't want any push coaching or anything like that. And so, that was the first time that I wasn't, like, laid back on the table. I was kind of sitting up a little bit, and my legs were together. Like, I didn't wanna stretch them out. I wanted them to be together. And he was coming out, and one of the nurses kept trying to pull my leg up in the stirrup, my one of my legs. And I would pull it back down and, like, he's literally coming out when she's doing this. And I put it back down, she yanked my leg back up to try and put it in the stirrups, and I go, no. Like, in between pushing. And by that time, he was out, and I'm just like, what are you doing? Like, I like being in the is that that's not necessary. And, like, you know, I was I get so just frustrated because thinking back to how all a lot of those things went down, and I was just like, man, I wish, like, I I wish I had the power now within myself and the confidence looking back at that girl who was birthing, being, you know, for lack of a better word, pushed around, told what to do. I I just I don't know. Like, it the each of those taught me something, and it's healing being able to, like, rehash it out and identify things that made me uncomfortable. And, you know, because I've got two daughters now, so they're they're I don't want them to have to go through that. You know? But let's see. Third birth, you know, that was that. And so I was like, okay. You know, I did two births without an epidural. I thought that was, you know, good. We were done with kids or so we thought. And I never, like, tracked my period. I I just I was kinda wild in that way. Like, I didn't pay much attention to it. So as far as, like, knowing when I was fertile, no idea. You know? We did the pull out method. My was very confident in that, and and I had always wanted, like, four or more kids. Like I said before, I I was never a kid person. I never thought about, you know, amount of kids I was gonna have. I never thought about names, which was so interesting because, you know, I never ever had, names picked out or, you know, girl names, boy names, or whatever. And each one of my kids' names were given to me from the other side.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
It so so cool to so, Jaylee, that's my first daughter. We, had a really hard time deciding on a name. Like, for whatever reason, that was my first daughter, so I was like, it has to be perfect. She's, you know, my my angel princess. Like, I can't pick the wrong name. She has to have the most perfect name. And leading up to the birth, we still didn't have a name picked out. And the night I went into labor, I woke up from a dream, and I woke up and I'm like, her name's Jaylee. That's her name. Like, it came to me in a dream. It came to me, you know, from the other side, I guess. And the same with Beckett. That's my second son. And then, Kully, our fourth daughter, the free birth baby, like, I wanna say the day or so after I found out I was pregnant, her name just popped in my head. So I'm like, she totally gave me her name. Like That's awesome. It was looking back, everything was so meant to be. But, yeah, so we find out we're pregnant with Kully. Cole, my husband, is in total shock. He was, like, you know, just went into panic mode just because, you know, he's the guy and kids are expensive and whatever. And so it took a little bit for him to kinda digest that. And from the very beginning, I knew. I was like, okay. This we're not doing the hospital thing. We're not I'm I'm not doing it. And I had no idea of free birthing. I had no like, I I I wanna say I thought it was probably illegal. Like, I I didn't think you could legally birth without anyone. Mhmm. And so I was like, well, I'm just gonna sit on that for a little bit. I'm not gonna try and stress about it. You know, we found out we were pregnant at four or five weeks, you know, really early. So I was like, we've got plenty of time. And I started calling around to all of the doctor's offices or the OBs in my town because I just wanted to see what my options were as far as prenatal care. And I every single one of them, you know, I explained I I plan on birthing at home, but I would like an appointment or two. I knew I wanted to find out the gender, so, you know, I needed to figure out how to get an ultrasound to find that out. Not one office would see me. Wow. Yeah. And I like, after the first one that I called, she's like the lady I talked to, she's like, well, you know, we have, we'll go buy your insurance, and do, you know, the whole insurance plan, but you can't you have to do all or nothing. So, basically, even if I decide to not birth in the hospital, I still have to pay the full amount as if I birthed in the hospital, which that's the most expensive freaking part. You know? And so I was like, I'm not gonna do that, but every single office, and I probably called, like, five or six. I had looked into by that time, I was starting to, like, really Google midwives and doulas and birthing centers. And there was a birthing center, like, maybe an hour and a half away, and it was, insurance didn't wasn't accepted there. It was, you know, pay out of pocket. We just didn't it didn't feel right. It was an hour and a half away. Mhmm. I you know, everything I read said that you could still possibly be transferred to the hospital, and so I was like, well, that's staying away from that. And, eventually, we found, one midwife who worked independently in town. And, a friend of mine was pregnant around the same time that I was. She delivered before me, but she ended up using that midwife. And so I was like, okay. So, you know, we'll see how how everything works out with you with the home birth. And then, you know, if you're happy with that midwife, then we'll just we'll end up using her. And, so we we took our time, though. I wasn't, like, rushed to, you know, interview or do a consultation and, whatever. I was maybe, like, four or five months along when I actually called her to set up a consultation. She came to the house and, you know, she was very nice and she, like, looked around and she's like, yeah. You know, looks like a great place to have a baby. I'm excited. And, you know, we're like, yeah. And, she's, you know, just telling us the rundown. All the appointments would be basically the same frequency as if I were to go to an OB. She, you know, runs all the tests, does all the tests, same, group b strep, which I tested positive for group b strep with my first son and did, you know, the whole antibiotics, all that. And the I think this was a decision that was made with me between me and my doctor, and I had the same doctor for all three births. And the decision was made that, you know, he kind of explained that group b strep can come and go and, you know, you can test positive once and then retest and be negative and whatever. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So to play it safe, what we decided to do was to just receive the antibiotics eat with each birth. Like, I didn't even get tested
Speaker 1
because Oh, my god.
Speaker 2
That's so crazy. Yeah. Now looking back, I'm like, how could you even think that's okay?
Speaker 1
Well, I mean, yeah. I get it though from
Speaker 2
from a doctor's perspective.
Speaker 1
It's it's, you know, it's kind of in the same vein of, like, let's just c section everyone at thirty six weeks and and not even wait around for normal birth.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Like, let's just
Speaker 1
let's just throw antibiotics on every mom and baby because somebody might slip through the cracks. And regardless of the fact that antibiotics actually kill babies.
Speaker 2
Yes. And, you know, by that time or by my fourth birth, I had started to do a little bit of research about how it just kills all the gut flora that they're, you know, going through whenever you're birthing them and, like, they're just covered in all that good bacteria, and the antibiotics just take it all away. And I'm just like, I was so just disappointed, you know, looking back. I'm like, I should've I should've just gotten tested, and who knows? It would've been negative. But I think about that, and I'm like, even if it would've been negative, I probably would've been scared into receiving the antibiotics anyway. You know? I've so whatever. I mean, it but, with my fourth birth, that was in or my fourth pregnancy, it was in the back of my mind. You know? I was wrestling with, should I try and get tested? Should I you know? I don't know. And it's crazy. All the home tests you can buy online and just have delivered to your door, and you can test yourself for all kinds of crazy things. It was it was amazing. Like, I really kinda got immersed into the underground, like, medical, universe, I guess. Like, it's it's funny what all you can really get your hands on, you know, if you want to Mhmm. Stay out of doctor's offices or kinda, you know, take care of yourself in that way. But, so, anyway, there were a few things, you know, group b strep was one of them that I wanted to just, you know, either get tested or find out what to do about that. I knew I wanted an ultrasound to find out the gender. Still hadn't done a whole lot of research on, you know, the dangers of that. But so there were these it was like there were these things that I was holding on to that went along with the industrialized birthing system that I hadn't figured out how to let go of yet. And so that was why, you know, using a midwife was still I was taking that into consideration because, you know, I still hadn't learned that I didn't need anyone. I I've hadn't fully embraced that yet. But, anyway, we met with the the midwife. She came. We did the consultation, the whole spiel. She told us our or, you know, her prices. And and, the whole time, I'm just like, I wish she would just do, like, an a la carte thing, you know? And I I think I asked her at the consultation. I was like, do we have to do all of these appointments? Do, you know, do I have to get checked for all of these things? And, you know, can I just, like, pay you to attend my birth? Like, that's what I wanted. I wanted a birth keeper. You know? I just wanted someone to to be there to kinda to lean on and to, you know, watch me and help me if I needed it. Like, that's all I wanted is just, women support, I guess, which I just love that you've created this whole radical birthkeeping school that offers just that. Like, that's what women want. They just want someone to be there with them. They don't wanna be governed or controlled. They just, you know, they want just love and support, and that's what I was looking for. I and it I just wasn't finding it. Everything was a dead end. I tried searching around for doulas. I emailed a couple in the area, just never got an email back. Like, everything was a dead end. So I was like, you know what? This is the universe telling me, do this on your own. You can do it. And that was kind of my mantra. Like, the whole time I just declared to the universe that, you know, I am a woman. I women give birth, women have babies, all is well. Like, it was just I was very protective of my mental space, my mental energy. We didn't tell a whole lot of people at all what we planned on doing because I didn't wanna hear what they had to say because I knew they had not done the research that I had done. I mean, we were we were both just very protective. And Cole, my husband, like, we were on the same page from the beginning. Like, we had, we had peace with the path we were going from the very beginning. So I didn't have to deal with anything, you know, coming from him because, you know, we were very on the same page looking back with how all the births went. And, you know, he was eager to learn and listen to me tell him what I had learned. So, that was so, so nice having a supportive husband, because, you know, it was new territory and very, taboo for lack of a better word. You know, this was back in two thousand seventeen that we were you know, I was pregnant. Kully was born in two thousand eighteen.
Speaker 1
Hey, women. Emilee here, popping in to let you know that we are currently open for enrollment for the Radical Birthkeeper School. This is an online intensive, authentic midwifery course that is jam packed with an insane amount of critical information. We also guide you week by week to launch or rebrand your birth business, and we dive deep into the self mastery tools that you hear me talk about here on this show. If you're ready for a transformational twelve weeks with integrated and long form mentorship, join us and step up to serve women in full embodied integrity. Classes begin March first, so head over to w w w dot radical birth keeper school dot com, and invest in up leveling your birth business and leadership skills, all in a container of radical sisterhood. See you soon.
Speaker 2
So we kinda decided to table the whole midwife thing for a little bit and just sit on it and see, you know, just if if anything else came up. I didn't wanna stress about it. And so, we did that and the midwife, had planned to go out of town for Christmas or New Year's or something. And I think we were going out of town too at that point. So we're like, well, let's just, you know, chill out for now and we'll circle circle back after the first of the year and just, you know, see see where everybody's at. And, so we did that. And after the first of the year, I, texted her, and I was like, I'm gonna try one more time and just see. Like, I literally, all I want is an ultrasound and for someone just to sit there at the birth in case, like, something happens. Like, that's all I want. I don't wanna go to the hospital. I just want someone who knows more than I do to sit with me and reassure me and, you know, just help me if I needed it. And so I texted her asking that. I was like, is there any way, you know, I'll pay extra. You know, it's not I, you know, raise your price per appointment or raise your, like, allheart birthing price. Like, I I just don't need all of it. And, see, I can't remember her exact words, but it was basically well, these were her exact words, and I still have the text on an old phone. She said, birthing at home is a luxury. And I was just like, what? So for centuries upon centuries, all these women who birthed that home, like, that's a luxury that just Mhmm. Those words, I was just like, okay. This this seals the deal seals the deal for me right now because it just wasn't it wasn't in alignment with what I was wanting to hear. But she said, birthing at home is a luxury. I would suggest, try to get on Medicaid, and they will pay for a midwife at an OB a hundred percent, and you won't have to worry about, like, all of our services or whatever. And so I was just like, okay. That that just feels it right there. You know, obviously, a midwife isn't the route that I wanna go. That was literally the only midwife in my area. So, I mean, it was it was a weight off of our shoulders in some sense because it was like, okay. You know, that that makes our decision for us.
Speaker 0
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
But, I mean, from then on, I just enjoyed the pregnancy. I didn't have to worry about appointments. I didn't have to worry about childcare, you know, for my kids, dragging them to appointments. It was just very low maintenance. And, my mom you know, because I wanted her to be at the birth, and I knew that she would it would not be comfortable for her at all learning that we were gonna have an unassisted birth. And I called it unassisted up until that point because that that was the only vocabulary I had learned, you know, through googling and watching YouTube. I had not found your Instagram page yet at that point. I had not found your podcast podcast yet at that point. And so the term unassisted, that's a scary word, you know? But you're not unassisted. Like, you know, I've I've heard you mention, and other women mentioned before, like, you have your ancestors, you have your the wisdom inside your body. You know, you're not you're not birthing assisted. Like, you're very, very assisted. Totally. But I was just very nervous to tell my mom. And she would ask you to be like, so how's, you know, the midwife hunt go? You know, have you found a doctor that you can birth with yet? And I I had, like, tried to drop little hints. Like, I don't know. We're kinda you know, we're definitely gonna do it at home. I don't know if we're gonna have a midwife yet or not. And I could tell she had a lot of fear. She was respectful of me, like, not wanting to project her fear. Like, I I could tell that's kinda where she stood. And so we didn't really talk about it a whole lot, and I I wanna say it was only, like, a week before Kelly was born that we actually told everyone or, you know, at least our parents. Like, not that we owed everyone an explanation, but those who were interested, you know, and cared about us. We told, you know, them that we weren't gonna have, anyone there. It was just gonna be us. And, you know, of course, it was like, oh my god. You're crazy. You're, like, what are you gonna do if this happens? What are you gonna do if this if this happens? And it's like, I've I've read about it, you know? I've I've researched as much as I felt I needed to, you know? Just with, you know, what if what if the baby's breech, and what if the cord's wrapped around her neck, and whatever. And I don't know. We we were just very at peace with our decision. We ended up finding a private sonogram, place about an hour and a half away that would just do a quick thirty minute sonogram. You know, nothing medical, no anatomy scan or anything. It was strictly, like, a gender reveal. And so I did that. We found out it was a girl. And, a cool story with that, the, sonogram technician, she was, you know, moving around on my belly, and, she got a really good profile view of Kully. And she was, like, pointing out that my placenta was above Kully, so Kully was, like, laying down looking up at it. And as soon as she said that, Kully reached her hand up and put her hand on my placenta and just, like, held it there. And the sonogram tech was like, oh my gosh. Do you see that? And I was just like, yeah. And she's like, do you know what she's doing? She's like resting her hand on your placenta. It was so to me, it was so intentional. I she like, she was in awe. She was like, I've never seen a baby do that. Mhmm. So, just all these things were just very reassuring, like, that Kully was communicating with me just as much as I was, you know, praying and talking to her and just creating my reality. Just little things like that. I was like, alright, baby girl. You know? Like, we got it. We're we're a team. This is gonna happen. You're on the same page as I am. And, you know, I I wasn't familiar with spirit babies or anything at that point. I guess I guess I was because, you know, I I knew what was going on, but, like, the term spirit babies. There's all these things I learned about and discovered and knew intuitively, but, like, I didn't have the vocabulary to go with it yet at that point. It was I don't know if that makes sense, but, but I'm gonna be
Speaker 1
We know we know all this stuff instinctually instinctually anyway. Yes.
Speaker 2
Yes. We do. And that was I feel like that was the journey for me with this pregnancy. Like, that's why I just the whole time, even though things probably should have felt scary about the decisions I was making, they weren't because I I just I really listened to myself. I listened to my body, you know, I listened to my baby. I may not have realized it at the time, but she was communicating with, you know, me, and I'm I'm sure my husband felt it too. But, like, with every decision we made, we were so at peace. There was no
Speaker 1
And you also had already seen what the hospital had to offer you, and you were over it.
Speaker 2
I was over it. I was so and with every doubt we may have had, like, well, you know, are we making the right decisions? What if this happens? What if this happens? Thinking about, okay. Well, maybe we should consider birthing in the hospital. I instantly got a wrench in my gut. Like, hell no. That is the last place I wanna be. So Mhmm. Like, I really paid attention to that. Like, is is if any fear crept in, the hospital was still more scary to me. You know? I I just I had experienced too much. I had seen too much. And, during that pregnancy, I had visited a couple of friends and family who had had their babies in the hospital, and each one, something stuck out or there was a story or something happened that just really reassured me, no. Like, that that's not an option for us. So just just little nuggets along the way. Just kinda, set it set it in for us. Like, this is what we're meant to do.
Speaker 1
So tell me your story.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So I I knew I wanted, this to be documented. So we hired a birth photographer, and, we met with her. And, you know, I was like, well, I wanna make sure you're comfortable with this. Like, we're we're having it at home or have a baby at home and there's there's not gonna be anyone else there. And she's like, well, did you have a bad experience? Like, well, I mean, I say yes. Most people would say it was normal, but, but she actually she was like, I don't know if you know this or knew this, but I was a labor and delivery nurse for a long time before I started photography. And I was like, really? And that I was just, that was one more thing that kinda just fell into place. I was like, well, you're hired. If you're cool with this, I'm cool with this. Let's go. Leading up to the birth, I I had estimated my due date to be around June twenty fourth, and that was a complete guess because like I said, I I never tracked my period. I I it was a total guess as to when my last period was before I got pregnant. I had always gone at least, like, forty one plus weeks with each baby, So I was comfortable with, you know, forty two, forty three week birth. Did that happen to go past June twenty fourth? And it did. It was the fourth of July, and I had started just feeling, mild contractions. I was, leaking a little bit of fluid, like, bloody mucus, and I had lost my mucus plug, with all I mean, I I know everybody loses their mucus plug, but, I remember losing it. I know a lot of women don't notice it or whatever, but so I was like, oh, sweet. You know? Mucus plug is coming out. Baby's on the way. But that went on for, like, two days, which was interesting because all of my births were like clockwork previously, where the mucus plug came out, we were in the hospital by midnight, the baby was born the next morning. And so this went on for two days, and I was like, great. The one that I'm doing by myself is a wild card. But, you know, I just went with it. The let's see. Labor labor really started kicking in around ten o'clock that night. We had gotten in bed, and I was gonna try and get some sleep, but I had had a couple of pretty good contractions. So, my husband and I got out of bed. I called my mom. I called the birth photographer to let her know, our kids were fast asleep in their beds. It was just so, so nice because, you know, in the past, we would always have to call my parents, get them to come get the kids, wake the kids up. You know, it was just one more thing that that we had to worry about, and they were just tucked in their beds. And, I had made a birth playlist. I turned that on and was just listening to music. I was kind of tidying up the bedroom. I put on a little bit of makeup. I, I was just like, alright, let's have a baby. You know? Like, I was so excited about the birth pictures. We had set up a GoPro to film it, but we were just so caught up in the moment. We forgot to turn it on, and I'm so bummed about that because I would have loved to go back and watch, you know, everything. But, I got in the tub, labor in the tub. I knew, you know, that's where I wanted to be, so I I didn't waste time getting in there. I was just relaxing. Contractions were, you know, starting to get pretty intense. Totally bearable, though. The birth photographer showed up. Her and my mom are just kinda sitting on my bed. Cole is sitting there with water and just kinda, you know, waiting just, you know, if I need anything. If if any of the kids woke up, he was just kinda on standby for whatever I needed. And I I just it was almost like everything just happened in slow motion because it was so calm, so just peaceful. It was just insane. And, I had one pretty good wave that, like, vibrated my whole body. Like, my whole body, like, jittered. And I remember I was on my knees, and after that happened, I was like, woah. And I, felt my hand down there, and I felt her head. And I was like, no way. I was like, this it's only been, like, an hour, and I I could probably, like, go walk a mile right now. Like, I I haven't been in enough pain, you know, like but that's what I had based, everything on because that's all I knew. Birth was incredibly painful. It was, you know, tough to get through to to do it without meds. And so I was just like, this this is crazy. Like, there's no way she's coming out right now. And so, talk
Speaker 1
about rewriting your whole story, Yeah. Yeah. And I
Speaker 2
told my mom, I was like, y'all don't go anywhere because my mom was kinda, like, poking her head in the kids' rooms and just, you know, walking around, just, you know, whatever. And I was like, y'all stay close because it is happening. And, I pushed a couple of times, her head came out. I had to get, like, repositioned and get comfortable. And I, looking back, I I realized, like, I was like a restless dog. You know, like, when a dog's in labor and they, like, are pacing around the cage
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2
And panting and whatever. That's totally what I was doing. I was, like, just a complete primal mammal state. Like, it it was just so awesome. And, so I finally get comfortable, and I I push her out. Well, at first, like, her only her head is out, and I'm just I'm chilling. I'm waiting for the next, you know, wave to just go with my body and let her come out, you know, on her own. And, she all of a sudden starts kicking me from inside, and her head is, like, wiggling outside of my vagina. And Cole, my husband is like, are you doing that? And I'm like, no. What do you think I'm doing? Keckles right now? Not like, that's her. And it was like she was just trying to kick her way out, like, let me ready to be in the world. And so she comes out. The cord was wrapped around her neck a couple of times. Cole just unwrapped unwrapped it because I think all my kids had their cord around their neck, and so that wasn't, like, anything scary for me. And, you know, I had
Speaker 1
One is so intuitive, like, you just unwrap it. It's not very complicated.
Speaker 2
And those are the things, like, that and I don't mean this I don't mean for anybody to take offense because I was naive and clueless. I was there too. But, like, those were the questions that we would get. Like, well, what if the cord's wrapped around their neck? Neck or how are you gonna cut the cord? The story.
Speaker 1
That's the whole, like yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Like, how are you gonna cut the umbilical cord and just all these things? It's like you cut it. You unwrap it. Just very like, you just do it.
Speaker 1
Because there's far more complicated parts to know about, and why are those always the things that everyone
Speaker 2
asks about? Yes. And, you know, they're like, well, what what if the baby's breech? And it's like, you just push it out. You know? Like, it's it's okay. Just all these things that you know and that's why I I just really guarded my my space, my mental space, because I knew that these were things that were not taught to women. They were not taught to moms. It's just not a part of all our culture anymore. And but I I I was okay with that because I was there at one point too. Like, I I was, I just wonder. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody was. And so that's why I just I had no desire to talk about our birth plan, with anyone because I knew what the conversation was gonna be. And, you know, I just I didn't have time for that at at that point. Mhmm. I just wanted to focus on me, you know, my baby. But, but she came out, and I just I held her in the water. It was a complete bloodless birth. Mhmm. Like and that was another thing. I was so I was hoping that she could be born in Cull because in all of my other births, they broke my water to Mhmm. Speed labor up. And in this one, you know, obviously, I knew that wasn't gonna happen. And I was like, you know, that would be so awesome if she was born in Hull. And the, photographer, she was like, did your water break? And I was like, I don't I mean, obviously, it did, but I I don't know that there was no blood in the water. It's crystal clear. I don't know what that means, but, you know, I I didn't look into that. But, I could tell the photographer was just like, wow. Like, you know, just kinda because I'm sure that was the first unassisted birth or the pre birth she had seen. But, probably, I I meant to point this out. Like, a week before she was born is when I found you on Instagram and started listening to your podcast. And that would be, like, my routine. I would put the kids to bed. I would go lay in bed, and I just devoured every single podcast episode. And I was this is what I have been searching for the whole time. Like, this is what I needed to hear. I needed to hear stories of other women who, you know and I would even venture to say that my my, pregnancy and birth like, it was all very low maintenance. Like, I never had health issues to deal with. You know, nothing like that ever popped up. And hearing all of these women who overcame what, had they been in the hospital, would have been a huge medical issue or a huge medical intervention or would have ended up in a c section. Like, that's what gave me confidence. And, I mean, I've I've probably listened to every single episode you had out at that point, and I just wanted more and more. It was just I was just like, man, this is the world I wanna live in, you know?
Speaker 1
And then you made it happen.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I I was just like, it it was written in the stars. It truly was.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
But, so after she was born, we just kinda hung out in the tub for a little bit. It was only, like, one thirty in the morning. It wasn't super late. My mom called my dad, and she was like, hey. You know, Mallory had the baby. You wanna come come see her? And he's like, what already? You know, because they live right next door. So he, like, came over, and he was Aw. He's just like, you just had a baby. Like, you got a baby? He's like, what are you gonna do? I'm like, I can get in bed. Mhmm. And so everybody left. Well, before that, I was, I had gotten back in the tub to birth the placenta. And you know, I, I was kind of feeling contractions like to push it out, but it, it wasn't wanting to come out and I had not learned a whole lot about that. So I didn't know, like I, I just listened to a podcast of yours a couple of days ago about how a woman's placenta didn't birth itself until twelve hours later. Like, who knew? Who knew that was possible? Mhmm. And so about an hour had gone by and the placenta had not come out yet, and I was starting to get a little bit nervous just because I wasn't familiar with how to handle that. Sure. You know? And so I ended up I was like, hold on. And I just, like, pulled it out by the cord. Totally. I'm ready to get this thing out and relax. And so, I pulled it out, put it on ice, put it in the fridge, but I'm done, dehydrating it. And so we, you know, cut the cord eventually. It was, you know, completely white. I was, excited because with all my other babies, it was it felt like a rush to cut the cord after they were born, you know? And after learning why that is absolutely not okay, I I you know, I try not to have, like, guilt for not making better choices with my other births, but, you know, it is what it is. It's it's the story that that happens. So
Speaker 1
Well and and, I mean, I don't personally believe in guilt, but but if, like, I don't think there's ever, like, a good reason for it. But I would say it would be different if you learned better and then didn't do better.
Speaker 2
I know. Like, that would that
Speaker 1
would be kind of the betrayal of
Speaker 2
Yep.
Speaker 1
Of self and of of your intuition. But you it sounds like every single experience you learned and you learned and you shifted and you shifted and and obviously, you know, you why would you have known that they weren't gonna give a shit about your birth plan, you know? Because Yeah. It's we expect this crazy idea of human decency when we go into the hospital, you know? That's crazy.
Speaker 2
It's insane. You know?
Speaker 1
And so Yeah. I think it does take a second to be like, woah. Okay. Everything society has told me about this system is not in my favor. Got it. Like, that's a big deal.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And with each new thing I learned, it convicted me to my core. It it was just like, there's no going back after that. There's just not. And, so, yeah, we, we got in bed. We were on such a birth high. I bet. I have never experienced anything like that in my life. Like, we were wired. Just the adrenaline was pumping. Like, we were just it was that's why I said everything just seemed like it was in slow motion. It was just like time slowed down for us to be able to enjoy every single ounce of that experience. Is is that's the only way I can describe it. Like, everything was just so perfect. We you know, I had bought a scale and I had bought some little teachers in case of, like, hemorrhaging or, you know, anything like that. And, you know, we weighed her. I had made a little birth chart thing to write down her her measurements and all that, you know, and we just we got in bed and just stared at her. We nursed. We like, we were just we were on a birth high, both of us. It wasn't just me. It was both of us. And, we finally went to bed. It was probably between four and five. We, like, had to turn off the the lights and be like, okay. We need to go to sleep because we have three other children. They're gonna be up pretty soon. Totally. But, it was so cool because it was, like, Christmas morning for the kids. Like, they woke up kinda one by one and came in bed and, you know, because they they knew what was gonna happen. And I was okay with them being there depending on what time of the day she decided to come, but, you know, it just so happened it was in the middle of the night. So it was like a surprise. They, like, walk in and they saw the bathtub and, like, everything would, you know, which they had helped us set up the bathtub. They were very involved in the whole process. But, you know, they, like, creep up in our bed, and it's like, oh my gosh. I have a sister. Sister. Like, it was it was the best best best thing. It was so awesome. And, by the time all of them had woken up, we kinda just snuckled in bed for a little bit, and, you know, everybody was getting hungry. So we made our way to the living room. I just sat on the couch with Cully, homemade coffee, he put cinnamon rolls in the oven. The kids are just, like, googling over Kully. Like, it was it was just it was better than any Christmas morning.
Speaker 3
Mhmm. It
Speaker 2
was so awesome. My, parents ended up coming back over. And, you know, my mom, she just kept, like, over and over, she was like, I I just can't get over how calm that was. That that was just amazing. Like, that's that's all she could say. But, it was just so cool. What a gift. Yeah. The the placenta, my original plan was to be hydrated. I had bought, you know, an encapsulation kit, and I had a dehydrator and all that, but I was on the fence between doing it that way and then, like, the I guess, it's the traditional Chinese medicine way where you just, like, steam it and eat it raw. And that's what I ended up doing. And part of it, I was I just didn't feel like going through the process of encapsulating it. I was just like, whatever. I'm just gonna cut it up and just put it in my smoothies, and it was a godsend. I had so much energy. Like, I didn't experience the energy dip. I slept so much better. Nursing went so much better. I would anyone who's comfortable with it, I would totally recommend eating your placenta. I like, it was it was definitely a good decision for me, and, yeah, I just cut it up in small little pieces, and every time I would make a smoothie, I would just put one in, came and taste it. But yeah. And I
Speaker 1
would even add, you know, if if you are gonna just go the smoothie route, there's no need to steam it. You know, just you can just rip
Speaker 2
I did. Yeah. I mean, now that I think about it, I don't think I did. Mhmm. But, yeah, we we just had a baby and we're all Exactly. Lives. Like, nothing was interrupted. There was no transition. There was no hospital hangover. There was no follow-up appointments. You know, I didn't have to the only thing I had to do, in Florida, there's, like, a home birth packet that you have to fill out, which is basically all the paperwork that a hospital and doctors fill out. You just do it. And I had to take her into the health department so they could to turn in my paperwork and then also so they could witness that I in fact birthed a child and that she is alive and fine. But, I mean, other than that, you know, it it was we just went on with our lives. We just we had a baby and lived happily ever after. Aw.
Speaker 1
I love it. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you sharing, and I can't wait to share some of your gorgeous birth photos. They're really, really something.
Speaker 2
So much for having me. Thank you for what you do. I've I've watched just this your your whole movement grow from, you know, like, five thousand followers on Instagram to what it is now and just what you're creating, this whole birth keeper school. I just like, I'm so excited. This is what the world needs. The world needs this. Women need this.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I mean, we need all of it. All of us are doing doing this, you know, doing our contribution to it, and it it's so incredible. You know, it's, like, such a continuum of of the healing that that we're bringing to this planet to Yeah. To live in our truth and birth in our truth and to talk about it. And yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today.
Speaker 2
Thank you so much for having me on.
Speaker 1
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching, learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on free birth society dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise, and the revolution starts inside each of us. Our opening song is by Shyla Rae. And now, I'll leave you with our Freebird Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 3
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The beak it line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging out babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons all your prisoner. We reject your fear. We choose love, everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star. Wild woman, she still lives inside. Wild woman, from you I will not hide.
