Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm
Speaker 1
going
Speaker 0
into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child, since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I am. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 2
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom change since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 3
Hi, women. I'm happy to be here with you all hoping that you're still feeling the New Year vibes and making this month as good as it can be. Just a quick check in here. Matriarch Rising tickets are officially on sale. Oh my gosh. Please come. It feels so close already, and we have sold out every year. So please don't wait. Grab your ticket, make your plans, and come to my land for the time of your life. W w w dot matriarch rising festival dot com. Also, a time sensitive announcement, we open enrollment for twenty twenty four's Blood Mystery School next week. If you're listening to this as this episode is released, there's just nothing like this program. I'm so proud of it. You will become a cycle coach, a cycle breaker, a woman and girls initiation facilitator, all in one epic sixteen week program. It's a really big deal. It is deep, deep work. Go check out the website. Learn all about it at blood mystery school dot com. Enrollment opens Tuesday, January twenty third, and we begin classes February twenty first. Don't miss this. We only run it once a year. Alright. So today on the show, we have my friend Stella. Stella comes from a large family of Nigerian doctors. And after she gave up the idea of med school, she found herself in the radical birth keeper school. Stella experienced huge paradigm shifts and really deconditioned herself from her medical upbringing so that she could become the woman, the mother she wanted to be. While navigating the grief of losing her mother and the joy of meeting her spirit daughter prior to pregnancy, Stella decides to choose a wild pregnancy and birth completely outside the medical system. Hi.
Speaker 1
Hi.
Speaker 3
Welcome. Welcome.
Speaker 1
Thanks. Happy to be here.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Me too. Our little babies are so close in age, so we've gotten to really track with each other throughout our pregnancies and our first year of mothering these babies. So it's very fun.
Speaker 1
Yes. For sure.
Speaker 3
Alright, girlfriend. Let's get into it. You free bird
Speaker 1
into it.
Speaker 3
First baby. How crazy are you? Back to loco.
Speaker 1
All the crazies.
Speaker 3
Into who are you before you get pregnant and what shapes, you know, pretty flipping unique story of a woman who, with her first baby, decides to not involve the medical system. So
Speaker 1
Yeah. Tell
Speaker 3
us what you got.
Speaker 1
Okay. Where do I begin? I think my my inkling is to kinda start with the whole my calling into motherhood and how that kind of unfolded. I come from a family of six plus half kids, and, I just always grew up in a large family, like, a big Nigerian large family. And, my mom was a doctor, and seeing her, I always thought in my life I would become a doctor. That was just kind of like, okay. Mom's a doctor. I was just like her, have the same name as her. Like, she's, like, my purview as to how life is supposed to go. And so growing up, I always thought that. And kinda as I gotten I got older, I was, like, super interested in birth, but just birth came up in my life. And, by the time I got to college, like, I started, and the the the day I was at orientation, I was like, wait. Fuck this. I don't wanna do pre med. Like, I just saw, like, the classes they were suggesting. I'm like, no. Mm-mm. This isn't for me. So, like, I thought that, baby calling was out the window because that was the only my only lens towards the birth world was, like, become an OB, and there you go. So I kinda thought it was over and gone with, and I went in a fully different direction. I started to study mass communication and media and got into, like, the video world and, marketing and all of that. But it never went away, like, that kind of whisper in my ear about, like, this calling to work with mothers and children. But it was just kinda you know, it was there on my shoulder. Fast forward post college, years after college, I was actually in Costa Rica and, you know, the typical I took I did an Ayahuasca ceremony and everything was revealed to me. I experienced such things.
Speaker 3
It is a theme on this podcast. Yeah.
Speaker 1
I know. It's so funny because I listen to, episodes, and I'm like, yep. That's about right. Ayahuasca will definitely slap you in the face and help you realize, like, okay. It's time. So I was in Costa Rica. I think it was this was twenty twenty one or something. Did Ayahuasca, and lo and behold, I felt my baby's spirit, aura, everything very strongly. I had already, like, kinda felt like this little girl in my life that was, like, maybe through my family line that was, like, ready to come through any one of my sisters. Like, that's just how it felt, like a very familiar soul. And then she visited while I was journeying deep into this journey, and I just was like, oh my gosh. You're here. I had a name, Haven. And I, just was like, okay. Like, I know you're coming soon. Like, who's your daddy? And You're single? Let me know. I wasn't single. I was already dating my now husband, but Okay. I was I was, like, maneuvering, like, is this you know, are we doing this? Like, we were still just dating. We had just met months before. So, like, who is this child, and is it his? And I felt, like, this expansive love. Actually, when I asked that question, I thought of him. I felt, like, this expansive like, I could feel the love that he had for me, and it was strong enough to procreate. And it was, like, right. It felt so right. So I'm I'm, like, coming back with this experience. It's so funny because I read my journal the other day of it, and I'm like, woah. Like, this was real. Like, this was I I was still, like, coming down from the ceremony and writing these notes. I could tell because it looked like shit. And I'm, like, trying to, like, not be shaking. So, yeah, that happened early twenty one. My mom then died months later two months later. And, actually, we're gonna get real deep. Might as well. Because I see, like, how Spirit is, like, orchestrating all of this. My mom died, I think, the the day the first day that my Jeron, my now husband, like, we had sex in such a manner where we could procreate, if you know what I mean. Like, the first time, I didn't get pregnant. I didn't get pregnant, but, like, that window, that portal opened. And then literally the next day, I find out that my mother died in Nigeria. I'm I'm telling you. It could have been literally the same hours. I don't know. Woah. So, like, there's, like, this big, powerful, energetic, like, thing happening here. Right? And I don't I can't explain it all. I can't properly put words to it, but it was it's right. Right? It's right. So then, simultaneously, I think right when I got back is when I started Radical Birthkeeper School. And so I'm like, this is, like, a whole new world to me. Like I said, I come from a, like, a medical I grew up in my mom's doctor's office, like, literally working there at probably, like, way too young of an age and just, like, helping around, you know, cleaning stuff that a seven year old can handle. But it was a family business. You know? And, that so to to come into this world and I and I got interested in the world because I had traveled a lot. And, during my travels, I saw that, like, this whole world of birth and motherhood, like, I think in the US has been so bastardized by, like we've taken away, like, mother nature from this process so much. And all around the world, people were still having their babies, and these babies were growing up in fields and walking around and learning stuff, like, by nature, with nature, having babies, and it wasn't this big show. Like, women having their babies going home and taking care of them, and it, like, wasn't this big deal. So that kinda got me, like, starting to wanting wanting to deconstruct some of, like, the the paradigm the industrialized paradigm that I had been learning growing up. You know? But it was a little scary too because I'm like, is this dangerous? Like, I didn't really tell anyone I was taking RBK. Jerod might have been, like, one of the only people that knew, and he was like, yeah. Do it. And, like, he was so for it because he too, like, was understanding, like, there's there's it's it's so much bigger and so much, like, more simple at the same time. Right? Right.
Speaker 3
Just have your baby. So So you the the Ayahuasca is phony into your mom passing and then RBKs after that, right,
Speaker 1
when you get home from
Speaker 3
go because you go to Nigeria.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So that was that was even before. I was in Nigeria with my mom before she passed, and then I came back, like, at the peak of, like, COVID was just starting Mhmm. Twenty twenty. The next year is the Ayahuasca ceremony, and then, also, months later, she she passes, and then RBK starts. So it's like a lot happening all at once. Like, my world being rocked over and over and over and over again.
Speaker 3
Seriously. Yeah. Because you don't get pregnant until after RBK. Literally right after. Gotcha. Okay. But when you said open the portal, you mean, I'm I'm understanding now.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. Just, like, just the ability that we can now start yeah. The consciousness. Yeah. And, like, we can now we're we we started calling in this baby, you know, and not even knowing, like, my mom was passing. So it's just like all of these energetic shifts. And, yeah, I go through RVK, and I'm like, oh my god. This is crazy. You could just have your baby at home. What? Like, oh my gosh. Well, this is amazing. Learning the physiology of birth, learning the beauty and the intentionality behind the design, and, like, the simplicity of it. And the fact that birth, you know you know, it it's it's it's a ever it's ever evolved evolving thing, what I'm learning and how I'm starting to shape my perception and understanding of how birth works. And I understand that that'll always be growing, but it was, like, to have such a radical difference in what I had been coming to understandably, I think, was really good for me because I'm very I'm a very, like, neutral person. I can be. You know? I see both sides really easily. So it was, like, a way other side of the spectrum shift, and it was really what I needed because it was, like, I didn't coming out of RBK, I was like, there's no other way I wanna bring life into this world but in the comfort of my own home. I was sure of it at that point. You know what I mean? Mhmm. And so, yeah, I get pregnant right after. And I'm, like, trying to start a birth business. I can low key feel like, I don't know what I'm doing. I've never even been in a birth before. But I was like, oh, maybe the first birth I'm meant to be in is my own. Like, maybe that's the the way this is going. Like, let's go for it. You know? And so thus begins, like, a fully wild pregnancy, which, you know, was, like, way outside of my paradigm as well. Like, to just, like I remember asking a question during our weekend, and I was like, you know, to hear, like, you don't need to go to any prenatal appointments with a, you know, with a doctor. I was like, really? I'm like, okay. What about, like, just one to make sure everything's okay? Like, what about, you know, all of these things? Like, are can we really be as radical as to not see the doctor at all while you're pregnant? Is that real life? Is that possible? Is that wise? Like, is that even a good idea? And I remember you saying something along the lines of, like, yeah. Sure. You can go in and see a doctor if you want, but just know, like, now you're in the system. And then if you, like, just stop coming, like, they're they have that marker on you. And I'm like, oh, no. And then I was like, wait. But, like, why we we operate under the assumption that something is wrong in pregnancy. And that in and of itself was a big shift that I had to, like, I had to encounter in my in my mind and heart and just say, like, wait a minute. I'm going into this thing in full trust. I'm a full trust in my body, my baby, everything. And if I feel an inkling, if I feel anything different, I will listen to that. I'm just gonna intuitively explore this pregnancy. And that's what I did, and it was joyful. It was such a beautiful experience. As the the day after I found out I was pregnant sorry. The day before I found out I was pregnant, I was meant to leave to go to Nigeria for my mom's funeral. So I think this is what you're thinking of. She ended up being buried months after she actually died. Right. Had to get the whole family to Nigeria. There's all this stuff going on, COVID, everything. So it took us a while. And another thing that's, like, super synchronous, I'm, like, six months later, I'm, like, going to Nigeria. I'm also finding out that I'm with child. And it's like, woah. A lot. A lot. Right? So I I tell Gerard, and we're, like, freaking out. And I'm like, okay. Bye. Deuces. I'm going to I'm going across the world. And so I end up in Nigeria. I I'm the only one who knows. I'm pregnant aside from, like, some of my I I told my siblings and my dad, and my dad is like, this is too much. Like, his reaction was just like, woah. Like, oh god. Especially because we weren't legally married yet. Also, you know, traditional family. And so, you know, Nigeria happens, but I felt so right. Like, I got to be like, you're you're you're here with grandma, seeing grandma go home, and, like, you're here you're, like and you're getting to witness this in from my womb. And, like, it felt so special. Like, my aunts gave me a name, like, a nickname just like in Nigeria. It's just so uncommon to give out nicknames, and they gave me this name, Omeka Nmeya, which means just like your mother. You're like your mother. And when they started calling me that, I was like, oh my god. That's her name. That's, like, her one of her middle names because I was kind of exploring, like, what are you what's gonna be her middle name? And the way mine did it and a lot of people my mom did it and a lot of people do is, like, you'll give your kid you allow people in your family to give them a name to kinda you know, names are are are spells. You're casting spells over this person. Right? Every time you're saying their name, you're, like, calling meaning out into them. So, like, names are very, very, very significant in my culture. And so to to be given a name by my aunt's like, it just felt like I didn't know. I was secretly in my head, like, oh my god. I think that's her name. And I wrote this whole, like, long thing in my notes to her with her name and a whole message about, like, I think this I know who you are, and this is who you are. And, like, this energy is so strong, and, like, I can't wait for you to come to our side. And then at the end, I said, if you're a boy, please don't be confused. Yeah. I just think you have a lot of divine feminine energy within you. But don't don't be confused about who you are. But I just knew. I just knew. Everyone knew. Everyone was like, that's a girl. So, yeah, I go through this pregnancy. It's beautiful. And then I around month or week twenty, I was about almost five months in, I started to get this really sharp pain. And then, you know, Google. Google's not your friend, but, of course, I Google sharp pain on my right side. It was like, you have preeclampsia. You have this. You have this. All these things start, and I'm like, oh my gosh. I chose to, like, be monitoring my blood pressure and urine. Like, I got urine shifts. I just wanted to have that on my own. So I kind of was, like, monitoring it. It had gone up a little bit bit from what it was normal so that I start like, oh my gosh. Something could be wrong.
Speaker 3
And why positive. Why did you why did you choose that? That's kind
Speaker 1
of a I actually an a friend through RBK said that that's what she had done. She was like, you don't have to. You're you're likely fine. But if you want that reassurance for yourself and you just wanna, like, monitor your own stuff, like, this is what I did. I got a a blood pressure cuff, and I got urine strips just to make sure there's no protein in my urine. And I was like, okay. You know? I especially knowing that, like, I might be getting questions from family and stuff, I was like, let me at least just, like, have this, and, it'll feel good for myself to kinda have a a marking a marker on it. So I kinda did it very loosely. I wasn't, like, you know, constantly checking, but I just checked in every once in a while to make sure my blood pressure was cool. And it was just, like, a little higher. So then I was like I told myself I need to go to the hospital go into the hospital. And I it was, like, five hours of, time wasted. Nothing. There was nothing. You know what I mean? And I say that also knowing that, like, I have family members who've gotten to the hospital and had different experiences. You know? And so I'm like, while I don't regret going in, I now know I just really didn't have to for myself, and, like, it felt like a waste of time for me. That's, like, a What do you mean? Like, as simple as it.
Speaker 3
What do you mean you had family members that had a different experience?
Speaker 1
Like, I had a family member after my birth who was experiencing pain, went into the hospital. It was a whole other story.
Speaker 3
And Like it they found something serious.
Speaker 1
Mhmm. And Gotcha. Her baby, you know, didn't make it through pregnancy. And so Aw. That was tragic. Completely tragic. And I I told her about my experience, and it was way different. And so I I while I'm, like, I that's why I say, like, I'm, like, still in this process of, like, really understanding, like, where my where I put my foot down, where I say, you know, you gotta trust your gut. You gotta trust yourself. It's, like, evolving, I feel. Mhmm. But I can't you know? For me, I'm like, yeah. That's, like, someone I love and I'm so close to who had such a different experience in going in. So I that's why I'm like, I don't regret it, but I I didn't need to. You know? And I and I ended up not having an experience like that, and I'm grateful. But it's that was a part of the journey. You know? I I went in, felt like I didn't need to, and I never went back. I did hire a doula, and she was comfortable attending the birth without a midwife or anyone just as, like, my person. So in my mind, I was like, you're kind of, like, my birth keeper because there's no other person in Cincinnati that I know of that doesn't. Had she attended births
Speaker 3
outside the system before?
Speaker 1
Mhmm. Yes. She had. And so she was, like, she was comfortable with it, and she was the only person I had met and talked to that was comfortable with it. So I was like, hey. Let's roll with it. We met a few times without throughout my pregnancy. That's even another thing in retrospect. I'm like, next time I don't need that. You know? So I I just appreciate the fact that this pregnancy, I was able to fully, autonomously choose my care, choose, you know, like, choose to do my own care, and whether you know? And, like, I I was calling the shots, and that's where I'm, like, really understanding. Like, that's the point that I am able to actually be the the the woman in charge. You know? And I'm not I'm not relinquishing yeah. I'm not relinquishing that. And so, like, that is what matters most to me. And so yeah. That was and and then also, like so five months in, I go I was able to travel, and then at around seven months was was matriarch rising. So I go to matriarch rising with my best friend. I'm like, I need you to come. I don't know about I I'm, like, still testing the waters with all these people. I don't wanna go alone. I'm, like, so pregnant. And so she came with me, and we just had such a beautiful time and, like, just, like, floating around under the sun, like, full belly. And there's so many other women that were just the same amount. I think I was, like, a week ahead of you or so. And then, you know, a bunch of other women that were right where we were, and we learned village prenatal. And I just felt, like, so like, this is care. This is pregnancy care. Just being around my sisters, being with like minded women who are just, like, in full love and support of other women. And, like, there's no annoying questions pregnancy and, like, why I'm choosing yeah. Like, you know, why I'm choosing what I'm choosing. Like, I'm not, like yeah. Like, are you sure it's not twins? You know? Like, all of the bullshit that I, you know, I get. And, like, no shock in that I'm not, you know, engaging in the medical system. Whereas, literally, with my family, like, there are some people that I straight up lied to because I was like, I don't wanna hear what you have to say. So, yeah, yeah, I have a midwife. I'm doing my appointments are going great, blah blah blah. And then some people where I told half truths and stuff, and then, like, you know, again, that's another thing where I'm like, hindsight's twenty twenty. Looking back, I'm like, I'm not gonna do that again. I don't need to, like, twist my story or, like, fumble my you know, like, make you believe that I'm doing a certain thing because of your fear. Like, I just need to I just this is the way I'm doing it. And guess what? Like, it's it's the safest route for me. That's what I want. And so but, you know, because I didn't wanna deal with the questions and all of this stuff, I was just like, yeah. Sure. Sure. I'm a tell you what you wanna hear so that you don't, like, insert your your fear into my very, like, like, safe space. Like, I felt so safe.
Speaker 3
So how who in your life like, who what what did your bubble of truth and, you know, like, look like? Was it a pretty small group of people that knew the full plan?
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. I would say very small. I would say, like, a few of my best friends knew everything, and Gerard knew everything. You know, my stepdaughter. Other people, like, as soon as I say would say something, they're like, what? If I got, like, any inkling of worry, they didn't get the full story. You know? Just like, I'm not dealing with you. So it was very few. It was very few. Even my sisters, like, knew that I was just gonna have a doula and all of that, but I think they thought, like, maybe she would monitor if I need to. Like, it was just, like, you know, not as free free birth as people you know? But even the for the term free birth, most of my community didn't even had never even heard that. You know what I mean? So, yeah, it was very few people who knew the full narrative. And I like that. I wanted to keep it that way, but I also you know, later on, I'm like, man, I feel like I have to keep up with, like, what I'm telling people and, like, lying. And, like, I was out of integrity fully. Right. And, like, that part was, like, the the contention that I just had to do like, grapple with because of how I chose to go about this.
Speaker 3
And, Then what happens after she's here in terms of the the mistruths or half truths? Does everyone in your life now know that you lied?
Speaker 1
People who have asked. People who have asked. Yeah. Most people haven't asked though because everything went well. They don't care they don't care
Speaker 3
to know. This episode.
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know. We'll we'll see who actually decides to listen to it. I doubt you know? And And and if they listen to it, like, I will say if I if I didn't fully tell you the truth, like, I, I own that. You know what I mean? I fully own that. But, also, I hope you hear my words as to why I did that to protect my space, my spirit, and my journey. And, next time you'll know. No. Especially if you listen to this, I'm not doing shit. I'm gonna be at home drinking chives all pregnancy long, and I'm gonna have my baby in the bathtub. Like, that is literally my plan. So, yeah. So I guess so fast forward, I'm going through this whole pregnancy like this. I really enjoyed it. I traveled a lot. I really had a beautiful pregnancy. Obviously, it came with all of the heartburn and all of the all of the things that pregnancy comes with. But, I remember you kinda popped up, like, right at, you know, maybe forty weeks where we started communicating a lot more and, like, just, like, how are you doing? How are you doing? Like, are you, like, loopy yet? And, like, just exchanging how we were feeling. And it was, like, right on time because I was starting to get to that, you know, antsy part of, like, the first pregnancy where I'm like, is she gonna come early? Is she gonna come late? Like, I feel so big. Like, all the things. And it was nice to have someone to talk to who, like, was actually sharing sharing truth from experience. So I said, like, I think I'm starting to get, like, you know, like, sensations are getting stronger, and you're like, okay. It could be another six weeks. And, like, it helped me, like, come back to reality that, like, you know, I actually haven't experienced this before, and I could be experiencing a ton of different things. And it doesn't mean anything or it means everything. Like, just be very open about how this baby is choosing to present herself and self and come forward. And, that was very necessary for me. I would say I think it was, like, around just before forty weeks, I started to get, like, strong sensations. I was out at an event. And so I, I had, like, one of those contraction stupid counters on my phone, like, to tell you, like, oh, now it's time for this this. And so I started tracking them, and it literally was like, alright. Now it's you should you should probably get your bags together and head to the hospital. And, like, in my head, I knew I wasn't ever going to hospital, but I did start, like, telling my my, my doula, like, hey. This you know, she might be coming soon or not she, but the baby's coming. And she's like, okay. Just keep track. And I told you, and you're like, okay. It could be, like, another month. And I'm like, okay. Like, let's just roll with it. And thank god I you know, this was my route because guess what? Had I gone into the hospital, this was two weeks before Haven decides to come forward. I could have been dilated. I I I I guarantee you I was at least a little dilated. I, you know, they would have just started tracking all this stuff and, who knows? Maybe say, she's ready. Oh, no. It's not happening. Let me shove a balloon up you and, like, make it happen now or do this and that and that and, like, all of these things where it's just, like, exasperate this.
Speaker 3
And I mean, and that you and that you don't have prenatal care. Right? So you would have gone in as a black woman with no prenatal care.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 3
Like, not a great look
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 3
For the system, unfortunately. And then you would say you're in labor even though you're not, and so then they would have induced you. Yeah. And then you would have had a c section, and you would have had the blood pressure medication.
Speaker 1
I
Speaker 3
mean, it's scary. The the gamut.
Speaker 1
Right? It's scary. And, like, yeah, let's touch on that a little bit. As a black woman making this decision, I had fear off the strength of my skin alone that if something were to go wrong, I would start being like, the witch hunt would would start, and I would be I would be framed as this negligent mother who, like, did this thing, didn't have any care, and was, like, being you know, all the stuff, all the stories. So I had a little bit of that fear, but I also, like, came to understand, like, I am so much safer as a black woman choosing to be in my own space and to, and to not engage with the system at all who might who might then you know? They they're gonna create their own narrative. They're gonna create their own narrative, and, like, I don't want any of that. I don't want anyone involved in my story that I don't choose to be. And so, like, I I just feel in general in the biggest, on the biggest sense, as a black woman, I'm safer choosing this route. It's as simple as that. And not even, you know, as a woman, period. Right? But, with all the anxieties
Speaker 3
It's, like, factually true.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I wish I had the the clear numbers, but I don't have numbers because people always wanna see numbers. But, like, yeah. It's just like, let's look at history. Let's look at, let's look at the way, you know, we can look at black mother mortality rates being increments higher incrementally higher than non black people, non black women. And then you can also look at, you know, epigenetics and, like, just the the the history of trauma and, abuse that has been the forefront of this particular branch of medicine. If we're looking at OB, you know, like, the whole history of it all, it is literally formed on the rape and torture of black women. And so to to to to not see how the system is still infiltrated by this this very dark beginnings that we still are using a lot of these, methods and ways of doing things is still in practice. Like, yes. I'm safer just being at home. Yes. I'm safer the way my ancestors have birthed their babies since the beginning of time. Like, that's the way I'm choosing to do this. I want to I want to call on them. I wanna call on my mother who now in spirit, I could feel her energy so strong. She was a warrior on earth, but, like, she was a she's a warrior on in in the spirit realm. Like, she has been guiding, protecting. Like, I can feel her, like, so strongly. And, yes, I'm gonna go off the strength of that, of my ancestors, of my people, and of my, like, wisdom that is telling me this is the way that I wanna come. This is the way that haven, this safe safe haven is going to come into this earth. And, yes, I'm gonna trust that. And so I think, like, through it all, I would love for more people who look at like me to know that this is not just for white women. This is not just for, you know, people in other countries or whatever, like, whatever false perceptions. And I see the work being done. I see more and more people starting to kind of wake up to it. But, yeah, like, feeling like a catalyst because I have not known any. I have not known any personally in my life who have chosen this route. So, that was kind of, like all of that stuff was, like, really, really driving this decision too, like, in a big way. And and so, yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm being told to go to the hospital from this from this, like, contraction. I hate the word. The contraction counter. And I'm like, okay. No. That's not happening. And lo and behold, I had two more weeks of spontaneous labor until the actual, you know, active labor started. And so, like, on the morning of September twenty second twenty two but I, like, I have a video where I woke up and I, like, shot myself. I'm like, it's nine two two two two. I think it's happening because I literally had woken up to, like, a burst, a gush. Like, when I, like, thought in my dream, I remember thinking, like, maybe I was half asleep. Like, what if my water just broke? Open my eyes and that was another thing that I was, like, woah. Like, very, like I don't know. That was, like, intuition or what. But, yeah, I burst, and I'm like, babe, it's happening. And, like, it just was, like, so such a fun, like, start to the day. It was probably, like, seven AM. You know? And so I had, like, hobbled over I think I texted you too. Like, I think it's starting, but it looks like there might be a little meconium. I sent a picture, and you're like, yeah. A little meconium. Good. Like, it could be another if you were always, like, the reality check, you're like, could be another seventy two hours. I'm like, oh my god. Please no. And, but, you know, there was a little maconium. It wasn't a big deal. And I just like the it just started. Just the waves. Just the waves. I called Britney. She came. And I had an aunt that lives two hours away, and she's, like, my one aunt. People call her a hippie because she's, like, you know, the only one that's not a doctor. And she but she's, well, she's a PhD doctor. Don't yeah. These titles are very important. Okay. So she she but she's not a medical doctor, so she wasn't, like, asking me the the certain questions that were, like, triggering. And, so she comes. Eventually, she shows up, and it was just, like, the perfect environment. It was just the four of us, including so that being Britney, my doula, my husband, my stepdaughter, Leila, and auntie Rozier, and my doggy. And
Speaker 3
So your so one auntie knew the full truth?
Speaker 1
She also didn't know, but she didn't really know the difference. She literally came, and she asked Britney, like, have you have you checked her? Like, check my dilation and hers. But she didn't know. I've had touching her, and she's like, oh, okay. She just doesn't know nor care. Okay. So she's like she, like, wishes that she would have had home birth. So she just kinda was, like, an observer and kinda the perfect person to be there because she she didn't really she just wanted to make sure I was cool and cook for me before she left.
Speaker 3
Nice.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So, you know, it was I nine hours of surge after surge after surge. I remember just being, like, at one point, we had a birth pool and, like, the downstairs of my house was, like, set up, like, totally a vibe, music playing, candles, incense burning, like, just had affirmations that I made with my stepdaughter on the wall, and we were just kind of, like, going. I was eating in the beginning when I could and, like, just, like, got to flow through. You know? And, yeah, I mean, they picked up. I think I got into the pool a little early because, you know you know, it can slow down things. I don't necessarily know if it slowed down, but by the time it got more intense, I didn't wanna be in the water anymore. I was like, ugh. This is gross. It's, like, getting gross. And, I made my way upstairs. I'm, like, on my bed. Like, I just want it to be over. Like, getting to that point where I'm like, even if it doesn't end, like, I just need a break. Like, I just need a break. Because it just felt like it was, like, it didn't stop. It started and just went. And, like, begging for mercy, but also just, like, loving it. Like, man, it's no joke. Your hormones are there to lead you through this shit. Like, you're like, we are resilient. Like, we're designed to do this. And so I guess it's like holding on to that. Like, we I'm designed to do this. My body is doing way all of it. Like, I'm really not really doing much but complaining. I got into, like, ugh. And, yeah, it made eventually, I was like, I have to poop and made my way to the bathroom. And, yeah, just keep it just kept rolling in. And I got, like, toilet, and she was really she was coming. And, yeah, at some point, I think I, like, just got on hands and knees, and that was, like, the the best position for me to, like, like, surrender, like, the control to the waves, but then also have a little bit of, like I wasn't, like, completely you know, I had a little bit of I don't know the word. Umph. And, that's when, like, everyone ended up in the bathroom. My aunt popped back up, so she had, like, disappeared. I think she went outside and was just, like, chilling. That's why I'm like, she was the perfect person because she had disappeared and then popped back up. And we're in the bathroom, and that's when it got kinda chaotic. I'm like, is it coming? Like, ah, like, screaming. Like, Britney kinda got into, like, go mode and was like, you know I mean, I was I kept asking her questions like, can I you know? It it's so interesting because another thing that I've kinda reflected on is, like, even having her there, I'm I'm kind of leaning towards her to, like, like, can I do this? Can I do this? And, thankfully, most of the time, she was like, you can do whatever you want. She was, like, eight months pregnant herself and was, like, kind of, you know at at some point, she was sleeping in the corner. I peeped her, like, nodding off in the corner. So she was just, like, very much reminding me, like, I'm just here. You can do what you want. When it got to that point, I was like, okay. Got it. Got behind me. Got to go mode. And there are certain things we hadn't talked about, before the birth, like, what I want exactly whenever she comes out or this or that. And, so she kind of I was, like, pushing. I got her head out and, yeah, that ring of fire. I just remember, like, that burn. But I just I also just, like, feel like I literally was gone. Like, I wasn't on this plane. Like, it was just, like, my body is doing this. I'm here as a vessel, and, like, here she is. Like, come out. Come out. Come out. And so her head comes out. I think, like, later few pushes later, she just, like, plops plops onto well, actually, no. My husband kind of got her. He had a towel because she was super slippery. Got her, and she was just kinda, like, plopped onto the towel and, like, didn't make a noise. It's funny looking at it because she it just feel like she just, like, came out like, woah. Like, that was a rush. Like, what what just happened? So she comes out. And the one part where I, like, hung up on this is not ideal to what I wanted in retrospect, but, I, like, tried to, like, turn my leg over, and I almost hit her head a little bit. And Britney was kinda like, no. Wait. Wait. Wait. She's kinda limp. She's kinda limp now. Hold slow down for a second. And then I I waited a beep, and then I was like, no. Give me my fucking daughter. Turned my leg over and just, like, swooped her up. I think they were jarred by the fact that she hadn't made a sound, but I'm like, she was just fine. She was peaceful. She came out, and she was like it's not like she wasn't breathing. I swooped her into my heart my arms, and she made her first little yelp. And it was just that. You know? Like, my baby here in my arms. Like, it was I the only reason I feel like I remember what happened is from seeing it because I was, like, completely transported. You know what I mean? Like, completely just, like, on this this, like, high of, like, oh my god. This thing just happened. Like, she's here. She's here. And, like, they announced she's a girl ahead of time before I, like, had seen Woah. Another thing stupid, but I also knew. So I was just like, I know. Give her to me. You know what I mean? Like, in the moment, didn't even think think of it. But, you know, certain things where I'm like, okay. I will be the first next time. I will see. I will lift up my baby and know what it is. You know?
Speaker 3
And a lot of those things, if the birth keeper doesn't guide those conversations, a first time mom
Speaker 1
Oh, no.
Speaker 3
Doesn't necessarily think about claiming those details prenatally.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
You know? Like, don't announce it. You really have to, like, get ahead of that, I think.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. And that's another thing. Yeah. Where I know, one and this is what I learned from school and facilitating. I would never cross that boundary. But, also, I know now to bring that conversation as a birthkeeper, and I would hope that any any birthkeeper or woman that's stepping out of, like, the medical paradigm and doing this thing, whether you still claim to, you know, call yourself a doula or whatever it is, just like these are the things that need to be discussed. These are the things that need to be clear because it it's to the you know, a year later, I still think about it. You know? So it's like you just don't wanna rob the woman of anything. And, you know, I know none of it was intentional. Like, I know it was just like we were in the moment. It was heated and, like, all of these things. But, yeah, those are just my little reflections on on how it came. But like I said, I was, like, so ecstatic that I didn't re even realize what was happening. I was just like, ah. And, we were home. We were home. I literally okay. I got back on the toilet. We put the bowl in the toilet. I plopped out the placenta. She came out. No problems. Go ahead. Thank god. And I'm just like and she was a fat, like, meaty piece of work. Yep.
Speaker 3
Like,
Speaker 1
thank you for all that you did. And, like, I just love the placenta. Like, I just, like, grew to understand, like, this beautiful relationship. I didn't really wanna encapsulate it or anything. I just was like, I just wanna hold it and feel like you were the first person to, like, nurture my baby. Thank you. Thank you. And so, you know, I hobbled in my bed, laying there and, like, let all of the blood, all of the stem cells nourish my child. Just let it be. And, eventually, Leila and Gerard came, and we burned the cord together and just got to, like, sing to her and, you know, been a do. Thank you. Okay. I'm taking over now. And, later, like, a few days later, I was able to make, like, a a a imprint on a, like, a board, and, like, I wrote all her name. So, like, I had asked aunts and uncles and sisters to give her a name Yeah. And, like, wrote it all on there. So that was, like, super sweet. And, you know, I just, like I literally someone was like, what do you wanna eat? I'm like, I want pizza. And, like, I'm, like, laying in bed with this new child eating pizza, and that was, like, the night she was born. I didn't I didn't go down the stairs of my house for, I think, five days. Like, it was blissful. It was extremely blissful. And you had just done, like, the postpartum in bliss. And I just remember, like, that just those words sticking with me. Like, I want my postpartum to be blissful. Like, I want you know, the narrative is just so negative about postpartum. Like, how do I set myself up for, like, success in this? And, you know, it looked like like, my aunt that was there. She cooked and, made sure I was cool. And then another aunt came. In Nigeria, what they'll call it Umogu. Is that the that's the name. I'm probably saying it horribly. But it's basically, like, when your mom comes and she'll stay with you for however long to make sure you're good. And so my aunts kinda took that place, and I was super sweet for them to come in shifts and, like Would
Speaker 3
they would they stay with you? Like, would they stay
Speaker 1
with her? Mhmm. Yeah. Like, my aunt just stayed one night, and then another one came. And then other people were just bringing food. But then even, like, almost a year later, my my one of my auntsets, she has lots of sisters. I saw all these aunts. One of them, she who hadn't been able to come, she came for, my brother's, like, a ceremony and then still came to the house and cooked a bunch of food, and we froze it. So it's just, like, everyone just making sure they're doing their part. Mhmm. And
Speaker 3
And what was the what was the kind of response, if any, with this beautifully connected and supportive and also quite medical family
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
And then you having this home birth, is it just like once she's here, it's just, like, total celebration, all good vibes?
Speaker 1
Yeah. I think that, you know, it's it's nuanced. I feel like there's some people who haven't necessarily said it but maybe didn't agree with me, like, having birth at home where it feels like the energy is a little different. Like, it's obviously, it's all love and, like, joy that she's here and she's healthy, but maybe little comments that insinuate, like Mhmm. You did this, like, kinda crazy, you know, or, like, thank god everything's fine, that kind of energy Mhmm. To where I just, like, whatever. I don't Whatever. I don't you're not gonna know the details. Like, you're not gonna get the fun magical story,
Speaker 3
and that's fine. Should just be like, did you know obstetrics is based on the torture of black women? Like, can we talk about
Speaker 1
Didn't want didn't wanna put it out there in my ass.
Speaker 3
Can we talk about that?
Speaker 1
You know? It's been
Speaker 3
like crazy.
Speaker 1
It's, you know, it's kind of like, I I let you I'll let you kind of have your perception of and, like like, I heard I've overheard, like, one of my aunts who had talked to me right after said, like, I look so exhausted. I'm like, the fuck? I just pushed the Whatever. Who doesn't look exhausted after I push the baby? Like, are you trying to find something? Because I was so happy.
Speaker 3
I was like, literally There was a little bit of Yeah. Calibration there.
Speaker 1
Yes. Yes. But even my aunt who was, like she I had talked to her, like, you know, while I was pregnant, and she was really worried that I wasn't getting any ultrasounds to the point where she's like, I'm losing sleep. Like, I can't like, you need a because she had had a a a history of, like, being in lay labor and delivery. So she thinks, like, you know, she who knows what she's seen? So she was, like, really nervous that I wasn't, like, going this route. And I was able to be honest with her. Like, we have a good relationship. I was able to be honest. Like, hey, auntie. Like, this is just this is the way I'm choosing to do it. I'm not so she just stopped asking me questions. Yeah. And then she came afterwards, and, like, everything was good, so it was all good. And so I got to, like, share more with her. And, you know, it's just like the the fear is something bad will happen. Mhmm. You will be hurt. The baby will be hurt, and you're not gonna have anyone that can save the day. Mhmm. And so for for it to go well, that that's, like, almost automatically alleviated and lifted, and no one's really talking about it or thinking about it. But it's also, like, why is the assumption that something will go wrong? That's what I wanna interrogate. And, you know, it just is what it is.
Speaker 3
Well, I don't think I don't think it's necessarily an assumption that something will go wrong, but it's you know, everyone's been indoctrinated to think it's insane to not have the safety net, air quotes, of a medical provider supervising.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
You you might be one of the women where everything goes well, but we can't trust that you will be. Right.
Speaker 1
Yeah. It's a pure lack of trust in the in the in the process. Yeah. All of these things. Definitely. Yeah. And I you know, it's just yeah. It's indoctrination. And it and it's a lot of things that I have just done the work of unlearning. Like, I just you know? So I'm not afraid of it. Mhmm. And then I see, like, some of my family members who are like, woah. I want that too. And so maybe are taking a more natural route and, like, and kind of questioning now, yeah, why are so many black women dying? Like, yeah, why why is it this way? Why can't I just and so that's what I want. Like, if I'm going to influence anyone, it's just so that they can make their own free choice. Like, that's where I see where free birth lies is that you are free to fully, like, in walk in autonomy in this decision and, like, do do what you deem best. And and then if you decide to engage and things don't go your way, like, I hope that you can find freedom in the fact that that was your choice. And and this is just how it played out. We don't we don't, at the end of the day, control any of this, and that's what I think was the most beautiful thing about birth is, like, the surrender. Like, how it shows us surrender in the most beautiful and non like, we have no choice but to relinquish. And that was what my experience was when when she was ready to come out. It's like, I have no choice but to, like, push when my body when the fundus is pulling down on my uterus and, like, it's clear that, like, I can I can make a mighty push right now and get my baby out? Like, I could feel all of that. I don't wanna be numbed. I don't wanna be, like like, asking when I can push or, like, or, like, not not being able to actually understand what was going on. Like, that is, like, raw birth. It's just it was it there was no mistake in the design. There's a reason why animals go away into a corner and have their babies. And so I you know, to return to that primal, beautiful nature of birth, I think, is a benefit to the entire it's all it's a benefit to humanity because I know, like, Haven will grow up with something different in her. Mhmm. You know? She'll grow up with something different in her. And I was born in a hospital, and I shot out ready to go. My mom, like, when she tells the the the story of my birth, she's like, you were a big baby. And, like, I was just, like like, came two days early, and, like, she my mom did induction. No. No. Wait. Wait. Yeah. No pain medicine. So I don't know. People think that's natural birth. We'll just go with that. She had it been that way. Right? And so she, she says that I just, like, shout out, and I'm, like, ready to go. But then the stories of my siblings' birth, all of us have different stories. And I think our personalities are reflections on very much how we came into this Earth. And I think, like, too many people we're so disconnected. We don't think that it has much of anything to do with it, and I'm like, no. That that's have maybe everything to do with it. There's no way to prove it necessarily, but I see a difference. You know?
Speaker 3
Totally. And then it also leads to the cascade of what happens after. So when a baby is born
Speaker 1
That's part of it.
Speaker 3
Free, you know, that baby is more likely, of course, to follow the biological design of the mother baby, you know, design. So it's gonna be she's gonna co sleep. She's gonna breastfeed. She's not gonna get jabbed up with sixty seven shots. She you know, or he's not gonna get circumcised. Like, it it it's a domino of what happens next, right, that then also greatly influences the health of the baby, the personality of the baby, you know, the the whole dynamic between mother, baby in that first year
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
Right, versus the mom who gets the c section, who then goes to the pediatrician and gets the baby gets all the jabs and get.
Speaker 1
Hydro. Oh, but popped up. Right. You know what I mean? Exactly.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It's just such a
Speaker 1
I think that a lot of a lot of people mistake the criticism of a system that is doing women wrong with judgment. Like, no one is here to judge women and their choices. No one is here to make someone feel bad about, how their baby came erstide. Like, no one is here to to to attack the mother. The criticism is at a system that does not allow, one, nature to take course in in in many ways, and, two, the woman to understand, choose, and, like, be in full power of her body. Like, that's what I'm criticizing. And so, like you're saying, from that trickles down, all of these other needless intervention, all of these other, like, maybe misconceptions about stuff like breastfeeding and sleep and all of these things that kind of disrupt the mother baby diet. And then it just leads to disconnection. And it leads to a lot of pain, and people are wondering what's wrong. You know? What's wrong with my kid? And it's like and then they start blaming themselves. It's like, no. This is the whole thing is fucked up. The whole thing is, like, is, like, maybe intentionally designed to be fucked up. And it's like and it's affect and it's affecting everyone. It's affecting the entire universe. How different would it be if the matriarch truly was, was honored as it should be and everyone's roles was was was, exalted? A matriarch system a matriarchal system is, like, circular and well rounded, and everyone is included in the way that they're meant to. Not women are in charge and domineering over everything. No. That's not what an actual matriarchal system is. But the patriarch, that is actually what happens. You know what I mean? Where it's, like, you know, it's linear, where they're the lead, and they're telling everyone else what to do. And it's like, no. Actually, what if we went back to that circular, rhythmical nature of, like, mother nature of how she does things and how, like, the divine feminine is actually approaching things where they say, like, it's all holistic. It's all this and that and that and that and that and that. There's not diagnosis symptom diagnosis, and then we're good. It's like, no. It's everything. Like and that's, like, I just really feel like that's what it is at the end of the day. It's, like, it's so dynamic and why there's room for a lot of compassion and love and nuance and experience because every woman is gonna have a different experience. And, there's a lot of spontaneity in nature. As much as there's a there's a pattern, it's all spontaneous. I mean, it
Speaker 3
takes it takes a lot of it takes a lot of maturity and skillfulness, I think, for someone particularly who's been wronged by the system or feels, adhered to the system to hear critiques about that system and not take it personal. Mhmm. Right? Like, that's that requires a level of maturity and emotional intelligence that I would say the average person doesn't have. And so there's a lot of confusion, therefore, and a lot of misinterpretations of a lot of the work that I do, a lot of the work that Yolanda does, and and our other, you know, allies, because, of course, yes, we're we have to critique systems that oppress us. Of course, it's our social responsibility as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
Right? Not just obstetrics. All of them.
Speaker 1
Right. Right. Exactly. And you're not you're not, like, sending putting a burning cross on a doctor's lawn. No. We're we're you know, it's I want to look at the system, not just the individual. And within the system, there's gonna be a lot of individuals that do things that I don't agree with. Right? Of course. But that's but I'm criticizing this overarching thing that does not properly teach the physiology and nature of birth. Yeah. And and and it's to the detriment of people's lives. Mhmm. For real. You know? So, anyway, we could go on and on. I'm sorry. But, like, this is I feel so so so so grateful grateful that I ran into this whole these truths about birth and about the way it works and about my power as a woman. And, like, another, like, kind of flashback, because I remember when we were inter I you were, like, interviewing for, RBK school, and I had said something about empowering women. And you're like, well, I would argue that we don't we're not empowering anyone. The one the the women already have their power. You know? It's about it's about remembering that the power is already mine. No one can really empower me. It's already here. It's already within me. It's already the design of who I am. Like, my my my peace as a manifestation of God is to be in my power. And so, like, that hit me because I'm like, woah. Yeah. I don't actually do that. Like, I don't say what women can and cannot and should do. Like, all I can do really is, like, share my peace and my story and my part. And, like, hopefully, from that yields way more stories of freedom and stories of people who are saying no more to the torture and, like, the
Speaker 3
And empowerment is a temporary state, whereas, you know, being powerful is an embodiment. And when you are powerful and in your power, what I find what you find is it's contagious. Right? It's there's there's this kind of contagion element to Mhmm. A powerful woman that is it's what we're doing. That's what this is all about.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 3
Mhmm. A year later, how would you kind of summarize the gifts of what you've chosen and discovered in sovereign motherhood?
Speaker 1
Mhmm. Yeah. I mean, I see a little girl who is strong willed, who is already very aware, who who can, like, look at you and communicate herself even though there's no words.
Speaker 3
We're talking about your daughter.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I see I see her becoming, like, this completely fierce woman that I I nod to the fact that she was able to come into existence in such a way where that was the very that's the very foundation Mhmm. Of, like, who I, you know, who I see her becoming and who I want her to be and who I want her to be.
Speaker 3
And that it's perfectly allowed.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 3
It's allowed from the birth. You know? Yeah. Yeah. But nothing's scaffolding.
Speaker 1
Nothing exactly. Nothing is getting in the way of that. And still, like, I want I want it to remain like that. Like, now we're making decisions about, like, what this looks like in her education and what this looks like, you know, going forward and, like, what it you know, how it all makes sense for our lives. But existing in the right here and now, I see that Haven is, you know I I believe that who she is and who she's becoming will always circle back to who, like, I am allowing her to be and become. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like, in who like, there was nothing in her in in her introduction into this world that impeded her autonomy. And I I really want her to understand what that means. And, I I I see it that, you know, a year later, I can only hope and imagine that that is what is making her the the little the little girl that she is. And it it only goes from there, and I feel I I believe it'll continue to spiral and, like, help her to just grow into herself and into her power and to understand it at the depths of, like, the core of who she is. Mhmm. And so and, like, I'm fumbling along myself. Like, I feel I, you know, I see myself doing things saying things where I'm like, oh, I wanna try that different next time and, like and that's what I do, and I try it different next time. Or I, I'm, like, really proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for, like, sticking to, like, my this path. And, you know, despite other people's opinions and thoughts on it, like, I I I'm proud of me and my husband and our our our actual, like, like, actually practicing what we're preaching.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And I, you know, I see that's gonna reflect on her. That's just gonna be a part of who she is. Mhmm. And it's super cool. It's super cool. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Beautiful.
Speaker 1
Mhmm. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for everything, your work. Thank you for putting this out to the world and, like, continuing to do it despite maybe a lot of scary things that people say and do. You know what I mean? Like, you are just like you're you're you're you're keeping you keep on keeping on, and so thank you for for for doing it. And, yeah, I appreciate I appreciate you and Yolanda and just being a part of, you know, just a little part of of this bigger, movement. Mhmm. You know? I I can only do my part. I can only, like, understand the what I understand and and move from there. You know? Yeah. So yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 3
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it on free birth society dot com and leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the word of Sovereign Birth. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out about all of it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below in the show notes. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, and the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and, of course, our annual women's festival. Our exclusive vetted private membership is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters. Together, we rise. We must speak our stories, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution, and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our epic Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red. Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line we define from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, Keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension, I will fly and bring her back from the star.
