00:00:06:00 - 00:00:41:04
Unknown
Into the wild and go into the wild, I am. It's been a while. Freedom, child, since I left my roots back home into I don't go into the wild I had. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood and beyond.
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Unknown
Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative. We'll explore the politics of birth and will analyze everything that relates to our lives as women. From a feminist perspective, here's your host, Emilee Saldaya. Wild freedom check.
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Unknown
Saints have left my room bare home.
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Unknown
Oh, women, have you heard? The show is coming to Austin, Texas. Join me Saturday, November 16th for the first ever live recording of the Free Birth Society podcast. We'll have an amazing guest tell us her truly wild Texan free birth story, plus a tell all Q&A with me. It will all be emceed by the epic Austin beloved local Devon May.
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Unknown
An actual evening of hanging out with free birthing women basking in story medicine. Yes, please make it a date night or come with your besties. It's going to be so fun! Tickets are on sale now. Go grab yours and then come hug me in real life. Link for tickets are in the show notes. I'll see you soon. Well, thank you.
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Unknown
Thank you for having me. It's an honor. This is a fun start to to the whole the whole conversation. Because I'm just coming to this, realizing that you just had your second baby. Just what did you say 60 hours ago or something? Yes. He was born at 12:50 a.m., and it's 2 p.m. of the third day, so whatever that works out to be.
00:02:20:13 - 00:02:41:15
Unknown
Oh my gosh. Okay, so I'm getting you on your third day postpartum. Wow. So I mean, with that, you know, I really just want to pass this off to you. You have a, you know, a really important story with some really interesting layers to it that I want to get into. And then, of course, I'd love to have time to hear about how this last one went to be so fresh out of the experience.
00:02:41:15 - 00:03:07:21
Unknown
So who are you before you are pregnant with your first child, and why do you wind up making the choices you make? Yeah. So when I well before I knew I was pregnant, I was very, very much in the boss babe phase of my life. And I was in Las Vegas doing some presentations for this company that I worked for as a consultant.
00:03:07:21 - 00:03:29:18
Unknown
And I woke up the one morning and I wasn't feeling very good. The presentation didn't go very well. And because I was just kind of in this like, fog and I didn't know why. And so anyways, I came home and took a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant with our first, and we had just gotten married that summer.
00:03:29:18 - 00:03:53:14
Unknown
So we had been trying, but not not, you know, really trying. We were just not not trying, I guess. So it was a it was a surprise. And so kind of just did the thing that you think you're supposed to do when you find out you're pregnant and that's call your family doctor and book your, you know, eight week appointments or whatever it is.
00:03:53:17 - 00:04:16:23
Unknown
And like, oddly enough, I, I was not a doctor person as a kid. My mom was never really into that. She did take me for routine immunizations until I had my first seizure, which I'll get into. But doctors weren't really like, we didn't do checkups. We didn't. It was like, if you if there was something wrong, then you might go to the doctor.
00:04:16:23 - 00:04:46:07
Unknown
And that was kind of the extent of it. But still, that was the idea that I had growing up, is that when you find out you're pregnant, you call your doctor and you have an eight week appointment. So that's what I did. And then in the midst of that, so as I'm waiting to go to the doctor, I ended up getting very sick, like severe morning sickness, which eventually turned into hyperemesis, which again is a whole nother story that I probably won't have time to get into today.
00:04:46:07 - 00:05:14:00
Unknown
But this pregnancy I actually cured my hyperemesis with Germany medicine, which is fascinating. So, I mean, I think you have to talk about that. Sure. Yeah, I can, I totally will. And yeah, so when I go to this doctor's appointment, I am, like, desperate for some sort of relief from this awful morning sickness that is, you know, really imposing in my life.
00:05:14:05 - 00:05:35:10
Unknown
And I was like, I had it was one company, but we had two locations. And then I worked as a consultant for this, like, consulting firm, and this was all cheerleading related. So that's what my business was, was I ran a competitive cheerleading program. So it's it's quite popular here in Canada as, as it is in the States.
00:05:35:12 - 00:05:54:14
Unknown
So yeah, so that's what I was doing. And then I worked as a consultant for this consulting firm where I would help other gym owners just make a business out of their cheerleading fun thing. Right. So that was kind of the gig that I had going. So this sickness was really imposing in this heavy workload that I had.
00:05:54:16 - 00:06:22:17
Unknown
And so I was looking for some sort of relief. Additionally, I had from when I was a child, developed a seizure disorder. So when I was four years old, at one of my routine immunization appointments, I received the injection and then I fainted and had a seizure. From that point onwards, I would faint and seizure. So it's like a basal vagal response.
00:06:22:17 - 00:06:50:02
Unknown
So the faint is the is the first thing that happens. And then the basal vagal is the seizure that comes with it. And so from that point onward, basically any like medical intervention of any kind would cause me to faint and have a seizure. So I, I did still get some immunizations after that, but we were a little bit more like chooser with them.
00:06:50:02 - 00:07:15:19
Unknown
It wasn't just the full schedule. Yeah. So in school they would ask the kids to line up like class by class to go see the public health nurse for the immunization. And so I would have the liberty to say, actually, I go to the doctor's office for mine, so that I wouldn't have this, you know, seizure response at school.
00:07:15:21 - 00:07:48:05
Unknown
It happened at a variety of different, like in a variety of different situations. But so that was something that removed me a little bit from doctors. And the system was this fear of fainting and having a seizure as a result of whatever, you know, procedure. Or they wanted to perform on me basically. So I was never really was it clear to you and your mom that you were vaccine injured?
00:07:48:07 - 00:08:31:05
Unknown
I think sort of like sort of. My mom is very anti-vax now. She had a career in special education, and so she saw a lot of children who were vaccine injured, and she knew that they were vaccine injured, although it was a very unpopular opinion to have. But I think when it's your own child, maybe you just you might not want to see it or or maybe the severity of what she was exposed to in her work kind of made my, my injury seeing, yeah, seem less than.
00:08:31:06 - 00:08:58:06
Unknown
But eventually we figured it out, and I stopped completely. It's just so I mean, so many, so many people deal with this. So. And then the gaslighting of being vaccine injured and not wanting to claim that. And so many mothers today are, you know, reckoning with exactly what she had to face, you know, watching watching their children be harmed and then everything in their life is telling them to keep going.
00:08:58:07 - 00:09:25:23
Unknown
And it's just it's really sick. Yeah. It's really sad. Really sick. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that, that kind of, like, removed me from the system a little bit in my for my benefit, because instead of wanting to have these interventions, it actually, so my husband and I would watch birth videos to kind of prepare for birth.
00:09:26:00 - 00:09:43:07
Unknown
Right. Like this is what we're going to experience. And I would like sob and I would be having like full on panic attacks while watching these YouTube videos, just like, oh my God, like, I'm going to have to do this because they're hooking them up to monitors and they're injecting them with all these epidurals and all of this stuff.
00:09:43:07 - 00:10:05:21
Unknown
And I'm like, like I would I was shaking, and well, kind of I'll get into it again. But when I watched my first home birth video, I was just like, oh my gosh, that looked amazing. Like there was no part of me that was afraid or or anything of the sort. It was just like, that is what I want to do.
00:10:05:21 - 00:10:32:04
Unknown
And that's kind of what put me on this trajectory of what started as home birth and then turned into free birth because I couldn't get a midwife, luckily. And yeah, so anyways, it was just really interesting how like just watching that woman go through that experience was so traumatic for me that it was like a red flag, like, I can't do that.
00:10:32:04 - 00:11:01:20
Unknown
And then when I watched the home birth to go, okay, that that I want to do, well, I mean, does anyone watch those hospital bursts and are like, oh yeah, I can't wait till I'm sedated and numbed and disassociated and have strangers inside of me like, that's a very, very normal, appropriate, animalistic response to watching women be abused.
00:11:01:22 - 00:11:23:23
Unknown
Absolutely. And tortured and tortured. Really. That's very normal. You know, they say that like in birth culture, people are like, if you want to circumcise your son, you should watch the procedure. And if you can stomach that, you know, then then do it. And like, obviously no one can stomach it because it's absolutely horrific. I think it's a good practice to watch.
00:11:23:23 - 00:11:45:11
Unknown
Now we have this technology available to us. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And like just in the birth that I had a couple of days ago after the placenta came, a whole bunch of like plots came out, like after about like ten minutes. And I just thought to myself, like, if I had been in the hospital, they would have scraped me out.
00:11:45:12 - 00:12:12:03
Unknown
Like they would have done some sort of awful when my body is just it just does this, like it's just so perfectly normal. Yeah, yeah. So okay, so can I kind of backtrack to so the doctor's appointment. So I'm looking for relief of these, you know, morning sickness, hyperemesis symptoms which I did eventually get after being referred to an ob gyn.
00:12:12:04 - 00:12:39:20
Unknown
So I was seeing an ob gyn and I was taking Zofran. Is the brand name on dans? Is the drug throughout the entire pregnancy, which in itself is just is just something that I would never, never want to do. Like for people who don't know, it's a chemotherapy drug for children who are going through chemotherapy. That's an intense drug for a for an infant.
00:12:39:20 - 00:13:05:14
Unknown
It's not even a newborn for a baby in the womb to be receiving that drug, you know. So anyways, that was that was really scary in itself. But so I was seeing this ob gyn, I was having regular ultrasounds. I was taking on Danza Tron, and my mom the whole time, actually, when I was a kid, my mom always was trying to encourage me that birth wasn't scary.
00:13:05:14 - 00:13:25:15
Unknown
It wasn't painful that I should have a natural birth, and it just never really, I didn't really soak it in because, you know, there's this one voice over here that's your mom and really encouraging. And then there's like, all these 1 million really loud voices over here. That. And how are how were you born? Did she have a natural birth with you?
00:13:25:17 - 00:13:51:13
Unknown
Yes, I was born. I was born in the hospital. I think it was within about an hour after they got to the hospital. And my mom had a midwife. My mom says that she that she had, like, a a really positive birth experience. And I think for having a hospital birth with a midwife, I think that she really did have a really good experience.
00:13:51:17 - 00:14:17:09
Unknown
I wasn't separated from her after birth. She must have to say to say that stuff to you, because most moms aren't saying that to their daughters, you know? Yeah, that's very true. Yeah, yeah. So she was really encouraging me to, to kind of go that route. And then I went for a prenatal massage. This is kind of how I, how I move into the free birth path.
00:14:17:12 - 00:14:36:16
Unknown
I went for a prenatal massage, and the missus told me that she was a doula, and I didn't even really know what a dula was. I actually thought that doulas and midwives were kind of the same thing, which I think a lot of people do, which they aren't. Well, they kind of are actually like, well, yes, in a way, you know.
00:14:36:18 - 00:14:56:15
Unknown
Yes. So I called my mom after and I was like, oh, like I, my massage was today and the woman is a doula. And so my mom was like, well, I'm hiring this duo for you, like, no questions asked. I'm hiring her for you so that, you know, I couldn't say that I can't afford it or have an excuse for not having her in my life.
00:14:56:15 - 00:15:20:18
Unknown
So my mom hired the doula, and we had our first meeting, and I told the doula my birth plan. So my original birth plan that my ob gyn and I came up with was. And this is all to avoid having a seizure during birth, which would result in a C-section. That's the premise that this birth plan is written on.
00:15:20:20 - 00:15:47:21
Unknown
Oh yeah. So as soon as my contractions start, I'm going to go to the hospital right away. That way I can be fully hooked up to all IV and all, you know, machines and everything, anything that would trigger me to faint and have a seizure long before it would be considered dangerous. No.
00:15:47:23 - 00:15:50:10
Unknown
Oh.
00:15:50:12 - 00:15:56:04
Unknown
Oh, yeah. It was pretty bad. This is like a real.
00:15:56:06 - 00:16:26:08
Unknown
Oh, that's not a real story. Yeah, this is a real story. Oh. So. Yeah. Okay. So yeah. So that was the plan. And so I told my doula and like bless her heart because she took it so well when I'm sure she was thinking like, this is crazy because she was like very well, she was very open to the idea of homework as much as she could be, which I'll talk about.
00:16:26:08 - 00:16:49:18
Unknown
But, yeah. So anyway, so she suggested to me that maybe I just look into hypno birthing. Maybe birth doesn't have to be as scary as I think that it's going to be. Maybe it doesn't have to be this traumatic event with all the machines and the needles. Just look into hypno birthing and you know, you can have a nice natural hospital.
00:16:49:19 - 00:17:15:02
Unknown
Birth was kind of what she what she handed to me on a platter. So after that meeting that that's when I started watching these home birth videos, because all the hypno birthing stuff on YouTube is women birthing at home. Well, most of it is. And so that's kind of where I got that idea. So then I went back to my ob gyn for my, you know, next checkup.
00:17:15:02 - 00:17:40:01
Unknown
And, and I told her about this birth plan and I actually had it written out. So it was now like I was now on the, now the idea is like, no pitocin, like no IV, no epidural. And so I had it all written out and like, what's it called when you what's the term in the hospital when you don't want them to cut the cord?
00:17:40:03 - 00:18:11:12
Unknown
Delayed cord clapping. Thank you. This is the postpartum brain. So they cord clamping and things like that. So I show my OBGYN this new plan. So this is like completely opposite of the plan that her and I came up with. So there's probably a little bit of ego involved in her response as well. Right. So yeah. So I showed her this plan on paper and she excused herself from her office, went and got a pen and highlighter, Im pretty sure.
00:18:11:14 - 00:18:33:17
Unknown
Anyways, came back to the office and started like scratching things out on my birth plan. So the one that I remember specifically was the Pettersen for the placenta. As I said very specifically, I do not want Pettersen to release the placenta. It'll come naturally. She crossed it out and then explained to me why it would probably be necessary.
00:18:33:19 - 00:19:01:10
Unknown
So she's and she's crossing out the things that she's saying no to. Amazing. That's amazing. Hey, at least she was honest. It's even worse when they're like, yeah, yeah, the bait and switch, you know, like, oh yeah, we can do all of this. And then ha ha. Absolutely. Like in hindsight, I would have much rather have done what she done did then for me to go to the hospital, expect her to follow my plan.
00:19:01:11 - 00:19:26:15
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Because it wouldn't have been followed. Yeah. So I make it to the car without crying, and I get into the car and I just start sobbing because I am now feeling like I have no support. This woman that I, you know, thought I could trust to safely deliver my baby, I couldn't anymore. And so I started looking into midwives.
00:19:26:17 - 00:19:47:14
Unknown
But the midwives don't service our area because we're too far from, like, a major city for them. Meaning the medical midwives that are ordained by the government itself. Yes. Those ones. Yeah, sure. Everyone's following.
00:19:47:16 - 00:20:19:21
Unknown
To really clarify the difference, right. Of medical midwifery and and authentic midwives. So we're referencing the registered government agents that present as midwives that are given air quotes for free to Canadian residents. If you're a good girl, you live in the right distance and you follow the rules and your pregnancy follows all the rules, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, the match directory is finally open to the public through the end of the year.
00:20:19:21 - 00:20:52:12
Unknown
You can get founding member pricing and join the largest holistic directory of badass women professionals on the spectrum of sovereign birth support. We have women listed from over 30 countries and growing. This is the place to find your sovereign birth attendant, your women's circle, village prenatal, maybe even a massage therapist or postpartum chef. Be a part of weaving this World Wide Web, a holistic network that can connect women of sovereign values and ways of life together with ease.
00:20:52:13 - 00:21:19:06
Unknown
No more underground nonsense. This is the place that can connect us all to all of the wise woman offerings of our communities. Head over to Matra. Com and become a member today. So you start looking for government. So now I'm looking for a midwife. Can't find one. So then I approach my doula because I still kind of think that they're the same thing though.
00:21:19:07 - 00:21:44:10
Unknown
Like, you know, they sort of are, like you said, but they're also like they're super different. So when I went to her and said, hey, like, would you, you know, deliver my baby? She said, oh, like, I'll come, like I'll be here, but like, I will lose my license as a doula if I attend an unassisted birth. She doesn't have a license or her, like, certification or whatever.
00:21:44:11 - 00:22:09:09
Unknown
Yeah, but that's important. Yeah. Because doulas aren't licensed, there's no certifications are voluntary, and there's no punishment to not have them, which is a distinct difference from licensure. Licensure is going to happen from the state, the province, the government. And if you are not licensed in that trade, you can be punished for it. So I'm I'm we rolled out a certification for stuff.
00:22:09:09 - 00:22:35:16
Unknown
And women were so confused and they were like, we thought you were against licensure. Like certification is just like it's like nothing can just be like, here, here's our certification, you know, anyway. But yeah. So you came, you saw. Yeah. Depending whatever certification she stood with created a made up scope that states she's not allowed to be at a birth without a medical provider.
00:22:35:18 - 00:22:59:15
Unknown
Yes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, so at one point, she did say that she would just she'd go stand on the front porch when the baby was coming. And that way, you know, she would protect her. So she was, she was trying like I give her full, full credit for, like, really being kind of open to something that was a little bit crazy for her.
00:22:59:17 - 00:23:24:08
Unknown
But truly, what happened was I stumbled across the Free Birth society, which is why I'm so honored to be here, because, you know what? You what you do had such a huge impact on my life. Like, truly my life as a result of free birth. And I still remember, like, the first video that I watched. But.
00:23:24:14 - 00:23:52:21
Unknown
Yeah. So anyway, so I stumbled across the free Brooks Society. A friend had kind of said, like, hey, like you should watch these birth videos. And so that's where I ended up. And so the more that I just got in touch with, I guess, like the primal nature of human birth, not just animal birth, I, I realized that I didn't need anybody there, that this was just something that I was going to do.
00:23:52:23 - 00:24:15:05
Unknown
So I still I had my Jula, and she came after baby, and she brought, you know, something for us. I don't remember what it was. So she knew your plans, and it was all good. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. And while there's a there's another layer kind of within that too. So at one point we were thinking we had a friend.
00:24:15:06 - 00:24:43:13
Unknown
Had a friend who was a firefighter trained firefighter. And so she lied to me and said that she had taken like midwifery training through her firefighting school, which would have been like probably a three hour presentation from some government midwife who came in was like, if you're out of fire and a baby is being born like it was, it would have been something completely ridiculous.
00:24:43:15 - 00:25:05:13
Unknown
I've I've been to these trainings, the EMT trainings, and they are done on a dummy with no head. Okay. Like right there. It's so messed up the they don't they can't even bother to put a head on the person that you learned it. So yeah, that would be too personal. No, no of course. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So she weirdly lied.
00:25:05:13 - 00:25:27:22
Unknown
And what was her goal? To be invited to your birth? Yes. And I believe that her goal was to sabotage my birth. And so at one point, like a few weeks before he was born, I went over there, she said, hey, can we get together? I just wanted to talk to you about a few things. And I was like, okay, I don't know what you need to talk to me about, but okay.
00:25:27:23 - 00:25:48:07
Unknown
Again, I'm glad I went. Right. And as opposed to just inviting her into my space and then having her sabotage my birth. And so the again, she told me a bunch of crazy things, but the one that I remember was, I just wanted to let you know, after baby is born, I'm going to have to do a massage on you.
00:25:48:07 - 00:26:17:21
Unknown
It's going to hurt, but I'm just going to have to do that. And yeah. Isn't it. And so like looking back now I go, okay, that is it's just like it's the abuse being passed down because she's had two hospital births so she was abused. So this is now her opportunity to abuse somebody. And it's not conscious. It's just like this awful you know outcome of being abused.
00:26:17:22 - 00:26:51:08
Unknown
And it's even more complicated than just that because it's really pitched and like absorbed as necessary. And so it's like we know this will hurt. But like we need to to save your life, you know. So it's it's like even sicker in a way because there is a justification to it. It's a lie. But the way in which it's taught is that funnel massage will prevent you from hemorrhaging, you know?
00:26:51:09 - 00:27:25:22
Unknown
And so I get to do this thing that's totally necessary. Well, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, you're really moving your needle a lot in this pregnancy. Oh, yeah. Like we're starting with ob gyn, ultrasounds, pharmaceuticals, planning for really, really, like, dark twisted birth with your shitty, shitty, shitty doctor. And now we're, like, fighting off bad witches for your free birth.
00:27:25:23 - 00:27:53:02
Unknown
Like, this is a big arc in just a couple of minutes. Yeah, very much so. Which continues into, you know, my motherhood journey. Just kind of like major shift for for who I am as a person, obviously. Yeah. And like most of this started around 30 weeks. And so that's you know, sometimes I see women who are kind of on the same path as I was.
00:27:53:04 - 00:28:22:17
Unknown
And I just think to myself, like, you have so much time to change your mind. Still, like so much time, it's not too late to completely throw away everything that you have been told, taught and have prepared for up to this point. Like it's not too late. All you need is your body. That's all you need is part of why it's in large part like kind of fundamentally why I'm so fascinated by.
00:28:22:19 - 00:28:48:04
Unknown
The choice to sovereign birth or the act of sovereign birthing, because it's an act of not doing right, like it's to not get in the car. It's to not go somewhere like you can literally just not an a baby will come out. You can just allow life to happen. And you know what I mean? It's like and it's obviously because of the social structure.
00:28:48:04 - 00:29:10:02
Unknown
It's like this active deprogramming and it's an active state of engagement for allowing something else. But really just literally it's to not do anything, which is kind of a unique arena. Right? Because everything else is like you have to go and do it. If you're going to create something in your life, you're gonna start a business and you find your husband, you're gonna.
00:29:10:04 - 00:29:36:14
Unknown
But this biological act to allow it, this whole thing about free birth is really just allowing life and not fucking it up and not dramatizing it and not sabotaging it and not complicating it. And you know what I mean? Like stripped down. It's just to not do all this nonsense, which is, in a way, I think, very comforting that you don't actually have to learn anything.
00:29:36:14 - 00:30:01:07
Unknown
You don't actually have to do anything at all. It's not even like this big choice. It's just going to happen. Like free birth is going to happen unless you stop it. You're pregnant, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. I really like that way of looking at it. Yeah. Yeah. So. Okay, I don't really remember exactly where I was at, but maybe I'll jump everywhere.
00:30:01:08 - 00:30:34:15
Unknown
You're at the end of your pregnancy. You fought off the liar. The duel is, like, not into it, but she's still going to post-partum you. So I'll jump into, like, the breach now. Okay, so around 34 weeks, he's sitting breech. There's still plenty of room to move at that point, obviously. Around that. Like, that's why I mean, yeah, around 36 weeks is when the ob gyn starts to tell me that it's probably like he's probably not going to move.
00:30:34:16 - 00:30:57:07
Unknown
So that's when I kind of start to have this, like, new battle, because now I'm like at 30 weeks, I decide, yeah, I didn't realize you were starting you you continued seeing the doctor. Oh yeah, I did. Okay. So you're. Yeah, totally still in it. But then like, sidebar planning something else. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. Which, I mean, was part of my journey.
00:30:57:07 - 00:31:27:12
Unknown
And I don't regret it because I did learn a lot. And I can share that with people now. But of course, I wish that I didn't because of all of the fear mongering that went along with it. Right? Yeah. So I'm kind of like, okay, I'm going to do this home birth free birth thing. And now the ob gyn is telling me that he's breech and that's not safe and that I, you know, I'm going to need to potentially have a C-section and all of these things.
00:31:27:14 - 00:31:52:02
Unknown
And so then that kind of sends me off on this, like, trajectory of, like a lot of research and relearning about things, I guess my mom and I took, like, Doctor Stu Fishbein. I don't know if people are familiar with him, but he's like a he's known for breach vaginal delivery in the States. He does some doctor.
00:31:52:04 - 00:32:14:22
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he does some training courses for med wives and other doctors and whomever I, we signed up. There was no requirement. So we took his course and we were just like unlearning things, which is what made what you said before. Maybe think of it when you don't, when you do nothing, it's just going to happen, right?
00:32:14:23 - 00:32:35:12
Unknown
Like you don't need to spend. So in hindsight, you don't need to spend so much time trying to get rid of things if you just don't bring them in in the first place. But that's where I was at. I was busy getting rid of stuff and relearning things. And so then I kind of like backtracked a little bit and I was like, okay, you know what?
00:32:35:13 - 00:32:58:18
Unknown
We will go to Saskatoon, which is like the bigger city near us, and I'll free birth. Well, I'll, I'll attempt to free birth in the hotel room near the hospital. So I'm still like, totally being, you know, tricked into thinking that I can't do this and that's something wrong is something bad is going to happen. And yeah, eventually I did let that go.
00:32:58:20 - 00:33:24:11
Unknown
So I had this breech thing. I had this doula that was semi supportive, and then I had this friend who was going to abuse me after my birth. If she didn't call 911 during the birth, because that's her profession and, you know, just a whole thing. Yeah. So now so now we're 42 weeks. So he was born, 41 and six is when labor started.
00:33:24:11 - 00:33:44:01
Unknown
And that's like my own tracking from my from my period. The doctors had me at I think 40 and five like by measurements. But you can't when you plant a seed, you don't. You start. You count the day. You plant the seed in the dirt. You don't count the day that you know it starts to sprout. That's not how it works.
00:33:44:03 - 00:34:16:10
Unknown
So I it was 42 weeks when he was born. Labor begins. My husband still thinks that we are going to call the firefighter friend, and I just did. Well, I didn't let him in on that because I didn't want to. This was a lot for him, and I didn't want him to try and sabotage my birth. And now knowing he wouldn't have like he wouldn't have, he's super supportive.
00:34:16:12 - 00:34:38:01
Unknown
He was so proud of the fact that his wife, you know, had the baby at home and he was wonderful. But I had a fear, which is probably from other like talking to other women who have these less than supportive partners, that if I told him I didn't want to invite her anymore, that he would, you know, get nervous and try and call 911 or something.
00:34:38:01 - 00:35:01:13
Unknown
I didn't know. So I didn't tell him going into labor that I wasn't going to call her. But once I was in labor, I was like, no, no, nobody's coming here except for my mom. So my mom came, and yeah, so they got the pool ready. I labored in the pool for it was quite a while. And your mom's just, like, down with the free birth.
00:35:01:15 - 00:35:35:08
Unknown
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My mom was, like, coming over every day and watching videos with me, and, yeah, she was my my number one fan, for sure. Yeah. And still is. And. Yeah. So I'm out of everyone that, you know, surrounded me during that time. I'm most grateful for my mom. Like, truly. And. Yeah, so, so I labor in the pool for probably like 5 to 7 hours ish.
00:35:35:08 - 00:36:03:05
Unknown
I don't remember exactly what time I got into the water. But I would say it was about 5 to 7 hours. So a couple interesting things happened while I was in labor and just, you know, the more I learned about board. So I actually attend Berks now I just call myself a birth witness. I've done some certifications and things, but I, I just, I like to I just like I want to be who my mom was for me.
00:36:03:05 - 00:36:29:19
Unknown
Just someone that'll show up and not, you know, project any fear into the room like someone that'll just be there and will bring you a glass of water and will just be that person that a woman really needs. When you're describing a good midwife, just like absolutely presence that like we don't. I get that Canada, maybe you shouldn't call yourself that.
00:36:29:19 - 00:36:54:18
Unknown
But like for everyone listening, you're just describing a really good midwife. You're describing what I do. You're describing what we teach. You know, it's not like a third entity where we need a new name for it. This is the work of midwifery. But obviously it's all smoke and mirrors out, out in the mainstream. Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure.
00:36:54:20 - 00:37:02:10
Unknown
Yeah. So sorry I'm lost my spot in my story now.
00:37:02:12 - 00:37:25:06
Unknown
You were in the. We're in the water. Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah. So. So I have this friend and I just attended her birth, and so her, she had a v back her first birth. She was in the hospital, and she felt pushy. And they told her not to push because she was only, I don't know, five centimeters or whatever.
00:37:25:08 - 00:37:46:18
Unknown
But they told her to not listen to her body is what they did and sabotaged her birth as a result. And so I was in the water with my son and I was pushing for, I want to say four hours is about the time that I was pushing like, and it was because it felt good. When the surges came, it felt good if I pushed.
00:37:46:18 - 00:38:12:00
Unknown
So that's what I did. I just listened to my body. It was so simple. And then finally it was time to kind of like, push him out, like the final emergence. And so I didn't even really know that he was coming, which is interesting because with the birth that I just had, I knew he was going, but I guess I maybe, maybe it's because it was my second birth.
00:38:12:00 - 00:38:47:08
Unknown
Maybe that's why. But I didn't really know that he was coming. So like, I do have a video of the birth. It's on your Instagram also if. Yeah, if people have seen it, it's just like the body coming out because we didn't know he was coming. So the video was like, oh, he's coming, okay, let's start recording. And I really wanted a video because I wanted to be able to inspire other women, because I had watched so many videos, and I wanted to give something back to the birth community, because I was so grateful for all these women that had captured their birth for me to learn from.
00:38:47:10 - 00:39:17:17
Unknown
So yeah, so his body comes kind of all in one. Like his arms were still inside and he kind of like wriggled his arms out. And then four minutes go by until his head is born. So even on your Instagram channel, that was a lot of people were commenting on that video saying how, oh, that's so dangerous. And oh my gosh, can't believe you know, all of the classic things when things don't just fit into a perfect little box.
00:39:17:19 - 00:39:41:19
Unknown
But I had no fear. Like there was not an ounce or a thought in my mind of like, oh no, something's going wrong now. Like nothing. It was just like. And so one contraction past and it just it wasn't strong enough. It wasn't powerful enough to birth this head. And so I just waited. I waited for a stronger one.
00:39:41:19 - 00:40:04:09
Unknown
And a stronger one came about four minutes after the body came out. And that's when the head came out. And he was perfect. He was absolutely perfect. My husband caught him and and I brought him up and he was just perfect. He was he was very quiet, just kind of like looked around. And that was another thing that a lot of people commented on.
00:40:04:09 - 00:40:39:17
Unknown
The video was that he was so quiet after he was born and again, like, there was not a single part of me that questioned or doubted that what I had just done was anything short of perfect. Was there anything you learned from the Fishbein teachings that you used in your breach? No, nothing. No. The only, I would say the confidence to know that it was achievable, I guess.
00:40:39:17 - 00:40:52:20
Unknown
But in terms of like, hands on kind of things. No, this is correct me if I'm wrong. Like, my understanding of his approach is not like, just go with your body and it'll be fine.
00:40:52:22 - 00:41:15:15
Unknown
I don't remember, like a lot of details from his teachings, I do. I do remember that like his first, his the first thing he says is hands off, like hands off the breach. He means that for providers, he doesn't mean that for the mom. Yeah, yeah, I would say so. And he like, he teaches a lot of hands on maneuvers, which are just not necessary.
00:41:15:16 - 00:41:27:17
Unknown
So hands off, but also hands on. Yeah. Got it. Typical of a medical doctor. Well, and and, you know, my.
00:41:27:19 - 00:41:52:13
Unknown
Understanding of if people were to when people ask me to prep them for breach and, and all of that, you know, one of the kind of common understandings is that if you can, you hold off from pushing for as long as possible and let the baby get down, down, down, down, down, and let the head get down, down, down, down, down before your pushing.
00:41:52:13 - 00:42:19:15
Unknown
And yet you openly, comfortably pushed for four hours, you know. And this is where, you know, like my students and my clients and everyone who interacts with me, they want guidelines. They want to think about it in this way that it can't actually be. It can actually be delivered. It just can't be delivered through these. Like, if it's like this, you do this and then this will happen, you know?
00:42:19:16 - 00:42:44:16
Unknown
And that's how the medical system pitches it. And that's how, you know, we want it. But it just isn't like that. Because here's your story where you pushed your ass off for four hours. But, you know, I also do know stories where women didn't know their babies were breech and they pushed and their baby died. And they do believe that the pushing was a part of not supporting life, you know?
00:42:44:17 - 00:43:09:20
Unknown
So it's like, yes, all of this, all of this is here. There isn't a right way to birth your breach, baby. There's a whole array of it and there are no guarantees. And it's just, that's a really big arena to sit in, as you know. Yeah, it's a really big deal that there just aren't actually rules. Yeah.
00:43:09:20 - 00:43:36:08
Unknown
And I think, like, you just you have to take radical responsibility for your life and for your baby's life and for what you're doing. And I think that that's a really big part of of what free birth looks like, because things can go wrong doing anything. Things can go wrong when you like. Just the other day, there was a fatal car crash a couple days before our baby was born, and I thought to myself, oh, you know, that's life.
00:43:36:10 - 00:44:00:17
Unknown
Sometimes you live and sometimes you die. And that's just, you know, part of this culture that we live in, this like liability culture, right, where you want to blame everyone for what you got going on and no one wants to take responsibility. Well things can. Yeah. And there's another layer, though, that most people really, wholeheartedly believe that your baby has a higher survival chance in the hospital.
00:44:00:17 - 00:44:28:09
Unknown
So it's like it's it's like more complicated than just we have to take responsibility. And sometimes you live and sometimes die and death can happen at any time. Like, yes, all of that. But then also you and I are of an opinion and of a consciousness and of a reality where home birth and physiological birth and mother led birth is obviously setting our babies up for the most successful survival and revival possible.
00:44:28:09 - 00:44:52:00
Unknown
And that just isn't shared by the majority of people. Most people have been brainwashed. Don't give a shit. The facts aren't there. Like there's no actual facts that babies are doing better in the hospital. But you know, okay, there's there's this, you know, ideology. There's a brainwashing that's been going on for quite some time, as we know. And so that's another piece to it that I think is important for us to remember in these conversations.
00:44:52:00 - 00:45:16:07
Unknown
If everyone believed that you'd only survive going to the hospital if you walked and if you drove to the I'm sorry. Let's say, to the grocery store, like if everyone let me come up with it really quick. If everyone believed that driving to the grocery store was the only way to survive, and if anyone walked, they had a very high chance of dying, right?
00:45:16:08 - 00:45:34:05
Unknown
Like, it's almost like that. It's like ridiculous. It's totally ridiculous. So then when someone decides to walk, they're like, you know, it's like, oh, look, I did it. Like I walked and I got my groceries and wow, I really did it. It's not a big deal at all. And everyone's like, you just got so lucky. Yeah, I was going to say you just got lucky.
00:45:34:10 - 00:45:54:14
Unknown
Well, okay. Except that, like, I walk everywhere and I don't even have a car. And, like, this is a totally different consciousness than what I live in, but you know what I mean? So there's there's the conditioning. Of course. That's that's such an interesting. Yeah. Layer to this whole thing. Yeah. So. Oh for sure with him with the breach.
00:45:54:16 - 00:46:20:05
Unknown
Yeah. I'm curious if you want to speak at all to your levels of fear and anxiety around navigating the risk here, you know, and the great unknown of choosing to do this on your own. And like you said, of taking responsibility, knowing breach comes with its own set. All birth is risky, but it comes with like its own set and certainly has a heightened energy around it, for sure.
00:46:20:07 - 00:46:50:07
Unknown
And so how did you feel with all of that? Like how did you cope with it? Yeah, there definitely there was another layer of fear kind of plastered on top of everything when when that was presented to us, what really kind of sets or made me, made me feel more at peace, I guess with all of it was one of my last appointments with the ob gyn.
00:46:50:13 - 00:47:10:23
Unknown
She was starting to figure out that we were probably going to have a baby at home, and she wasn't going to be a part of it. And so at one of the last appointments, it might have even been the last appointment she gave me a photocopy of, or like a print off from the online textbook that she studied from in university.
00:47:11:01 - 00:47:35:20
Unknown
So it was like the Canadian Journal of Obstetrics, and it was the breech like pamphlet or whatever section of that book. And I read it, and to my absolute disbelief, it was actually for I mean, if you read between the lines, it was for breach vaginal delivery as the safer option. Like every single thing that's in this text is for that.
00:47:35:20 - 00:47:47:12
Unknown
And the rate at which, well, this is again here in Canada, but the rate that was in that book for.
00:47:47:14 - 00:48:12:09
Unknown
Like death of the infant for a regular head down birth was 0.01 and the rate for a breach baby was 0.02. So they tell you that the chance of your baby dying is twice as high. Yeah, but what they don't tell you is how low that number is. And that's in the hospital, where it's already more dangerous. So that was really when I was like, okay.
00:48:12:10 - 00:48:33:05
Unknown
And so another kind of layer in this whole story is this is all going on during Covid. My son is almost four, so I'm being bombarded by the lies of the medical system, you know, in every other way. So it's like, oh, you mean it's the same way that they lie about the Covid statistics and how they lie about this?
00:48:33:06 - 00:48:57:08
Unknown
Yeah, it's perfect sense. Yeah. So that was, you know, almost a blessing in disguise that it was like, you know, whatever. These two things kind of being thrown in your face as big lies at the same time. So. So I take it you didn't have any seizures during your physiological birth? No, none. Not at all. Yeah. And so you have this breech baby.
00:48:57:09 - 00:49:24:23
Unknown
He comes out, he's quiet, he's perfect. And you've done it. Your mom is there. Your husband is there. Is there anything else? What next? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we did one silly thing, and we took him to the hospital for a checkup. Yeah. Yeah, that was kind of like. And I don't I don't really stand behind this anymore.
00:49:25:01 - 00:49:45:10
Unknown
I think that it's really up to the woman, the mother, to make all of these decisions. But that was kind of something that my husband had said, like, okay, like, we'll I'm happy to have this baby at home as long as we can go get him, check to make sure he's okay after you. Yeah. So so that's what we did.
00:49:45:11 - 00:50:08:15
Unknown
We told you. Got your placenta out first, though. Yeah, we took him, like, the next day or even two days later. Just which wild idea that someone else that isn't the mother someone else needs to, like, sign off. It gets so misogynistic, and I get that it's unconscious. I'm not like saying your dude's a bad guy. It's just so misogynistic.
00:50:08:15 - 00:50:35:21
Unknown
It's so anti mother. It's so it's so deeply anti mother that there is a higher authority about this cub than the woman who just worked her ass off for a year to create it and birth it and know it and nurse it. It's so offensive. Yeah, yeah. And like even for my husband, like he has had so much growth as a man since that experience.
00:50:35:23 - 00:50:56:09
Unknown
Like we just had a baby. And like, there have been a couple times where he's like, hey, mom, is this normal? Like, come and look at this, you know? Whereas I think that with our son, it would have been like a Google on the phone, right? And so I just really noticed that like wrote and him, it's like, oh yeah, that's perfect.
00:50:56:10 - 00:51:16:11
Unknown
Like he's perfect. Like that's great. But he's coming to me. But that is, you know, since, since having our first son, that's four years of him seeing what it really looks like to be, you know, an authentic mother and just and like, we don't take our children to the doctor, like that's big. No, no, like that was the one.
00:51:16:11 - 00:51:48:22
Unknown
We took him to the hospital and that was not a good experience. And just I didn't like that they were poking him and they didn't like that he was away from me. Did you not know that stuff was going to happen? I did, yeah, okay, I did, I did, but not, where I went wrong in that first birth experience was I spent way too much time learning about how I was going to have this baby, and I didn't spend enough time thinking about how I was going to be a mother.
00:51:48:22 - 00:52:15:00
Unknown
So the birth came, and it was just kind of like, oh, now I guess I'm just, you know, like, I didn't really know who I was as a mother, I guess is what it was, and I needed to grow into that. And so it's a lot different this time around. And I'm just trying to not be sad about what I didn't know for my son and for my oldest son.
00:52:15:02 - 00:52:23:19
Unknown
Because that was just that was just my path. And I walked it. And I'm here now and I know better. But yeah.
00:52:23:21 - 00:52:48:11
Unknown
So what happens between that birth and then you becoming pregnant with this, this little guy and and what choices do you make differently? Do you have a wild pregnancy. And then tell us this recent story. Yeah, sure. So yeah. So after my son was born, we started looking at property. We knew we wanted to get out of the city.
00:52:48:13 - 00:53:12:21
Unknown
We were in a city. It was just like a small city. And so just before my son turned one, we bought this homestead that we live on now. So that was a radical shift for us as a family. My husband stopped working in the field and wanted just got like a job so that he could be home with his family and fill that role.
00:53:12:23 - 00:53:37:04
Unknown
We just we changed a lot as people. I close my businesses and I like I before I was ever pregnant, I thought to myself that I would have a nanny for my children while I ran these businesses. And I was this boss babe, and there was a woman that I worked with who that was her life circumstance. And I thought, oh wow, that looks wonderful.
00:53:37:06 - 00:53:57:23
Unknown
And then after having my son and trying to kind of do both, I just realized that my heart was in one place and not in the other. And everything going on in the world, I knew I wanted to be there to homeschool my kids. We were just changing a lot as people. Yeah. So we moved out to our homestead.
00:53:58:01 - 00:54:29:08
Unknown
We tried to get pregnant the second time for a while, and it wasn't so easy. The second time. We did have an eight week miscarriage at one point, which I just passed at home, and and that was that. And I wouldn't have done that any differently either, regardless of how far along we were. And then eventually we did get pregnant a second time.
00:54:29:10 - 00:54:57:09
Unknown
And yeah, had a completely wild pregnancy. And that was just so beautiful. I guess just to not have anyone interfering with what I knew was going on, like even at the end, I could tell that he was head down for a few weeks, and I could tell that he was breached for a few weeks. And I just thought to myself, like, why did I need this computer and this device to, like, tell me this?
00:54:57:10 - 00:55:23:06
Unknown
Like, that's so absurd. But I that's where I was then, and this is where I am now. Yeah. So when I first got pregnant this time, I had a little bit of morning sickness. And then one day in the middle of the night, it just, like, snowballed into the hyperemesis, which for people who don't know, hyperemesis just means extreme.
00:55:23:06 - 00:55:48:21
Unknown
It's Latin for extreme vomiting gravidarum. During pregnancy, that's all it means. And so it's just like for me anyways, and women that I've talked to about their experience with hyperemesis is just an uncontrollable vomiting that doesn't end. So it's like you don't need to eat anything or drink anything. You just like it's just stomach bile that just comes up and it's quite so brutal.
00:55:48:21 - 00:56:20:10
Unknown
What's the conflict in NM? Yeah. So so it depends on like your laterally and a couple other things. But for me I have a left handed laterally. So it was an anger conflict with a little bit of oh what's the word. So when I was a kid my, my mom left my dad, he was abusive. And so I had this like kind of like separation from everything that I knew in an instant.
00:56:20:11 - 00:56:39:19
Unknown
Like my I was four years old. My mom sat me down. My dad had been taken by the police and my mom sat me down. Yeah. And said, we're not going to live with your dad anymore. And my dad was never abusive to me. Well, he was like, he wasn't a present father, but he was never he never physically harmed me.
00:56:39:21 - 00:56:58:11
Unknown
So I still kind of had this, like, you know, idea of my dad's, like, great. Like, I love my dad. Like, I want to live with my dad forever. And so my mom sat me down and said, we're not going to live with your dad anymore. And I, like, freaked, screamed for. I think my mom said it was like a minute.
00:56:58:12 - 00:57:28:19
Unknown
Like she's like it was, oh, the loudest, longest scream that you could possibly imagine. And so when I had my session with this German new medicine practitioner, he said, like that, that was your d DNS, your d d jerk hammer syndrome. DHS, that was your DHS moment. Was that scream. So yeah. So it was sort of just like this feeling of abandonment.
00:57:28:19 - 00:57:54:08
Unknown
That's the word I was looking for abandonment and anger together. So once I was able to identify that conflict, then I could really sit with it. And what it took for me was I apologized to my mom for because I had kind of given her a hard time in my life for like, leaving my dad, being ignorant to what was actually going on.
00:57:54:09 - 00:58:28:16
Unknown
Right? Because he was physically violent to her. He was physically violent, emotionally abusive, like a lot. So just a matter of time before he was to you? Absolutely. Yeah. So, I mean, I can say now and know now that my mom made the right choice and did the best she could afterwards, but yeah, I did. I gave her a hard time as a, as a child and a young adult for, for separating me from my dad.
00:58:28:17 - 00:58:56:16
Unknown
So yeah, once you are a daughter, so it is your job. Give her a hard time, right? Yes, yes. I can't wait to find out what my kids give me a hard time about. It starts so young. I'm really shocked at how young my daughter fucks with me. Yeah, like, what are your own figs? How do you already.
00:58:56:20 - 00:59:27:10
Unknown
How are you already exactly like me? And just crazy. Anyways, so you apologize to her? Yeah. And then the next day I woke up and my symptoms were gone. Wow. Yeah. So something in the like, you know, even underneath the act of apologizing, just like the willingness to the willingness to sit with it, the willingness to. Yeah, like be open to something else.
00:59:27:12 - 00:59:53:07
Unknown
That's really cool. Oh, thank God, I'm so glad. Yeah. Because that, like, that was really scary for me because I thought to myself, If I'm going to be this sick this entire pregnancy, there goes my wild pregnancy. Like I'm going to be like, it's just going to destroy me because I'm going to need something. And I, I say need I mean it when I say it, though, I say it also knowing that it's not needed because there is a way out.
00:59:53:08 - 01:00:19:20
Unknown
But if you can't find the door, you need it because like, you need water to live. And if you can't consume water, you're not going to make it. Damn, you know, like it's just. And that's how intense, at least for me, it was. I know that there's like a wide like scope of hyperemesis and how severe it is for people, but like, I like down water when women like, feel nauseous, they just call it.
01:00:19:20 - 01:00:44:17
Unknown
They just like label themselves as HG. I'm like, shut up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like there's like what you're describing, puking bile and blood and can't keep us up. Water down like, oh, that is so hardcore and very scary. Yeah, yeah, I lost 20 pounds within. I think it was like three weeks if it was even that and I.
01:00:44:18 - 01:01:02:06
Unknown
So that brought me down to 80 pounds. Whoa. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm really I'm really. I just had a baby, so I'm like a baby weight. But as a, as a human, I'm very small. Like, I'm like five feet tall, five foot two, I think very petite frame. So that was it was a lot for me to lose that.
01:01:02:08 - 01:01:19:16
Unknown
Wow. Okay. So you work through. You don't have it anymore. You have the wild pregnancy. Anything else you want to share about your pregnancy with him before you tell your 60? Our old story?
01:01:19:18 - 01:01:38:01
Unknown
No. I mean, really, it was super uneventful, I guess. Yeah, it was just like you said and well, in one of your other podcasts, how it's like these stories are really uneventful. It's just that we think they're eventful because we've been told that they should be. But it was like it was super uneventful. It was just.
01:01:38:02 - 01:01:59:19
Unknown
It was wonderful. It was I was free. I didn't have anyone telling me what I should be worried about. I didn't have anyone projecting fears onto me. Yeah. It was just I was free. I felt I felt, I felt like I was in charge and I was, I am I was the first time too. I just didn't know it.
01:01:59:21 - 01:02:21:07
Unknown
But yeah, it was it was wonderful. So like I said, we homestead here, so I assumed that the baby was going to come early because I have been, like, working in the garden and like, doing all of this exercise, you know, that we're, we're told in like, old wives tales, like, if you want your baby to come go weed the garden, you know.
01:02:21:09 - 01:02:42:10
Unknown
And so that means is just it helps you pass time. It does. Yeah. True. It doesn't mean that the baby will come early. It's like, just go do something. Yeah, that is true. So, yeah, I guess I got my hopes up for nothing, but I was really thinking baby was going to come early, and then he held on until 40 and 40.
01:02:42:10 - 01:03:11:16
Unknown
And for, Yeah, this one labor started which is still here than the average. Yeah. I was prepared to go to 42 like I did with my first. And yeah. So yeah it was, it was wild. It was so much different than my first. Well I read portal while I was pregnant this time, which just resonated with me so deeply on every level.
01:03:11:19 - 01:03:31:09
Unknown
Loved that book. So I kind of was like trying to manifest and call in this like short birth experience. I had a couple visions of myself, just like plopping the baby out on the bathroom floor, like I was just going to go into the bathroom to, like, pee or poop or something. And I was just like, oh, I think the baby's coming.
01:03:31:10 - 01:03:50:19
Unknown
And so I had that, like, vision and which isn't exactly what happened. But, yeah. So we did have a pool. And that was the plan was to have another water birth, which is what I had with my first. I don't think I mentioned that in the story, but yeah, he was his body came in the water and his head came and the water as well.
01:03:50:21 - 01:04:14:11
Unknown
So that was the plan. So we had we were butchering chickens on Sunday and I started having some surges, but they were like with my, with my oldest, they were very like period like pains. They were very different than any of the practice contractions. So I was sort of expecting that this time they really just felt like practice contractions.
01:04:14:11 - 01:04:34:08
Unknown
And so I like totally didn't think anything of it. I'm like, it's not going to happen. Like we're probably going to 42 weeks or more, like it's nothing. So I wasn't really thinking anything of it. Then they started to get a little bit more intense, where I was like, I had to stop what I was doing during them.
01:04:34:08 - 01:04:53:05
Unknown
But again, I'm like, that's probably nothing. And then they start to get a little bit more regular. So I thought, okay, like this could be it. Like, we'll see. Again, I don't want to get my hopes up, and I'm certainly not going to start watching the clock, because that's just going to make labor seem way longer than it needs to seem.
01:04:53:07 - 01:05:15:10
Unknown
But I did text my mom because she lives about an hour away and said, hey, like maybe pack a bag, not promising anything, but just, just maybe I'll let you know. So then we had a really late supper. We ate at like 9:00 and and I've been very hungry this entire pregnancy because I'm not sick, so I get to eat seriously.
01:05:15:10 - 01:05:40:11
Unknown
And yeah, so I but I, I stopped eating my supper and I was like, okay, that's odd. Like normally I'm finishing this whole plate looking for seconds. And so I was like, okay, maybe this is something. So I told my husband and my son that I was going to go to bed. We all sleep in the same bed usually, but I said, I'm going to go to bed in our bed by myself and I'm going to try and get some out.
01:05:40:16 - 01:06:04:20
Unknown
Yeah, you guys just do you and I'm going to try and get some rest before baby comes if it is happening. But then another hour went by before I actually got into bed. So now it's like ten ish when I get into bed and there's they're kind of picking up like to the point where I can't fall asleep like I'm resting and it's totally easy.
01:06:04:20 - 01:06:26:04
Unknown
And, but I'm knowing that this is it at this point, but they're still quite easy. So anyway, so I'm laying in bed and then they get a little bit more intense. I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to go have a bath. And because again I'm like with with my son, it was 12 hours from the first contraction.
01:06:26:04 - 01:06:47:03
Unknown
So at the time he was born, active labor probably would have been more like six hours. But I'm still anticipating like quite a lengthy labor, so I don't want to bother anyone. And I kind of I was called to be alone. Like I didn't want a bunch of people in my space. I just wanted to be alone. So I'm not bugging anyone yet.
01:06:47:04 - 01:07:05:21
Unknown
I go have a bath and then I come back to bed and things definitely had picked up. So it's ten 1047 is the time stamp on the text to my mom where I said, you should probably just come. Like if you have to sleep on my couch, like, at least you're here and things are. I said, things are picking up quickly.
01:07:05:22 - 01:07:26:19
Unknown
This is what I said. It's my mom gets here by the time my mom gets here, I am. I'm in it like there's there's no talking in between contractions anymore. I'm in it. And there wasn't even time. Like, you know, you say you're in transition when you say you can't do it anymore. You're like, oh, you're almost there.
01:07:26:19 - 01:07:42:12
Unknown
She's saying that she can't do this for a minute longer. And like, I didn't even have time to think that I can't do this anymore. It was just like and I it consciously came into my mind and I just, like, pushed aside. I was like, oh, gosh, no, you're fine. You got this. You can do this for way longer.
01:07:42:14 - 01:08:06:18
Unknown
And then I started to feel pushy. And this was probably like 1145. So like an hour after I texted my mom, my mom had just arrived and I'm feeling pushy. And there was like a little bit of fear that kind of crept into my mind because I thought, okay, this is too early to be pushy. Like with Walker, I was pushy really early, but I had already, you know, been in the pool for a few hours.
01:08:06:19 - 01:08:28:23
Unknown
Like, this is way too early. But then I just, you know, close that portal. I'm not going in there. I'm going to, you know, keep going in this direction. Nope. Trust your body. If your body feels like it wants to push, just listen to your body. Your body knows best. So I allowed myself to not going to. It's not going to do it wrong.
01:08:29:01 - 01:08:55:14
Unknown
No. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. So I just kind of. Yeah, let that happen. And then my husband came in the room about 30 minutes later, I would say to ask me something about the pool, like what temperature I wanted it, or I don't know what, and I, I said I was like, I hope it's okay if I swear I think it is.
01:08:55:15 - 01:09:17:03
Unknown
I was like, don't fucking talk to me right now or something like super. Like I was just I was in it, right? It was like, don't fucking talk to me. And so he was super calm and just knew that, you know, he, he, he should just be there and not to say anything more. So he just stayed in the room and.
01:09:17:05 - 01:09:37:07
Unknown
Yeah. And then I kind of I was there was a lot of counter pressure. That was another thing I was going to say with my breach to is like, you were talking about how women or how people are told not to push with a breach, just like wait and wait and wait. Intuitively, I use counter pressure for like probably all four hours that I was pushing.
01:09:37:13 - 01:09:55:06
Unknown
I was just every single time a surge came, I just used counter pressure. And so I think that, you know, again, just listening to my body is what allowed that to work. It's like I needed to push, but I also needed to provide some sort of resistance so that his body didn't come out before the head was ready.
01:09:55:08 - 01:10:25:11
Unknown
And so I was I was doing I was using counter pressure again. And I totally thought that he was breech this whole time. But I think he turned in labor because he was he was breech in the days leading up to birth. Yeah. And so anyway, so I'm sitting on the corner of the bed and I said to my husband I was like, and I knew that baby was about to come because I went from like, dream state to just, like, dead look him in the eyes.
01:10:25:13 - 01:10:46:10
Unknown
And I was like, babies coming. And I didn't want the baby to slip out of my husband's hands and fall on like the corner of our bed frame. So I was like, I want to go into the pool. And then I felt the baby like, come up. So he was like very far down in the birth canal. And then all of a sudden he kind of like, just like sucked himself back up.
01:10:46:10 - 01:11:11:14
Unknown
And I was like, okay, this is my opportunity to go to the birth pool, which was in the other room. And so I get off the bed and I'm like, nope. And go right back down to the floor, hands and knees. And yeah, so he was born on the floor at 12:50 p.m., so about two hours of active labor, like from the point where I was texting on my phone, just got out of the bath, walking around perfectly fine to emergence, right?
01:11:11:15 - 01:11:43:20
Unknown
Am. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. That's quick man. Yeah. It was wild, fast and furious. But I think the difference was fear. So even though with my first birth, I, you know, was fearless, I still had so much, the brainwashing, I guess, that I had allowed to come into my space that I, I went into that birth with that fear, even though I said to myself, I didn't have any, I did.
01:11:43:20 - 01:12:08:11
Unknown
I was carrying it with me. Whereas this time I didn't have any of that. And I had actively called in this beautiful, fast, safe, autonomous, precipitous birth. And that's exactly what happened. Can you done your work? You worked really hard over the last four years to be able to arrive at that place.
01:12:08:13 - 01:12:25:15
Unknown
Definitely, yeah. So then when does Mom and Walker, does Walker sleep through the night and meet baby in the morning? Or when? When does the rest of the fam join? Yeah. So my mom was out in the hallway. Just kind of like, well, she I think she was she was helping my husband with the pool and kind of helping with Walker.
01:12:25:15 - 01:12:48:16
Unknown
And I really wanted my son to be there because he, him and I had both been watching birth videos because I wanted to prepare him for what he was going to see his mom do. So we were watching birthdays together, and he was very excited about all of it. And I just I got it together enough to say, bring Walker into the room because he hadn't slept at all.
01:12:48:18 - 01:13:00:20
Unknown
And yeah, so he came in and, and he said when, when you asked him what he thought of the whole experience, he says it was like a train coming out of a tunnel.
01:13:00:22 - 01:13:29:09
Unknown
All right, so he was there. He got to watch it. Dad caught the baby. And then a couple. Well, a couple days ago, I was still pregnant. A couple days ago. A few hours ago, my husband was like. Do you think they let dads catch the babies in the hospital? I was like, no, not a chance. And so just again, shows me how special it is, not just for the woman.
01:13:29:10 - 01:14:00:18
Unknown
Like it's it's a really big part of the man. Huge. Yeah. The father initiation. I mean, it's huge in the hospital. They'll they'll get the dad to participate in the abuse. You know, they'll have him hold her leg back while she's being sexually assaulted. And cut. They'll have him cut the cord. I've been to so many births where she doesn't want the cord cut, and then they have the dad do it.
01:14:00:18 - 01:14:24:06
Unknown
So then later, she's like, you did the thing I didn't want. Like they made you do it. Like it's really quite perverted. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's so sad. None of it makes any sense. It's obviously completely anti-life. It's completely anti-family, you know, it's like the opposite of everything that that that it should be that it's designed to be.
01:14:24:06 - 01:14:57:18
Unknown
And the father initiation in a, in a sovereign birth is like man like that father will literally experience hormone bonding that no other date on the planet will get, you know, like just the physiology of what he will get to be a part of and receive. And the way his brain will change is so important, so needed, you know, and then it's also like kind of really obvious when you see those dads.
01:14:57:20 - 01:15:20:01
Unknown
Yeah. Oh yeah. Totally. Yeah. And like, we'll just like the hospital abuse thing again I don't know. And I don't know if there's even any data to support this because I don't know many women who are allowed to try to have a vaginal breech in a hospital, but that would have been an opportunity for more abuse had I been in a hospital.
01:15:20:02 - 01:15:49:18
Unknown
Like I'm sure that I would have been cut, like I would have had an episode of me given the four minutes between, you wouldn't have already in head, oh my God. Of course, I mean, the chances you would have even gotten to a vaginal situation for breach is very unlikely. And even the the air quotes breached. Doctors often require epidurals like they have very certain like on your back, very certain requirements.
01:15:49:18 - 01:16:28:08
Unknown
And it's all very weird and strange. Yeah, yeah, but not you, girl. It is. Nope. And hopefully not other women who can hear stories and and gain that confidence. It's happening. You know, I think, you know, part of what this podcast in large part obviously has done is just shine shown a light on. Yes, of course, the stories, but also the system stories and the, the total nonsense and, you know, coercion and all the stuff that, you know, all the women who previously prior to free birth experience.
01:16:28:08 - 01:16:49:17
Unknown
And I think it just when it's in your face like that, it becomes a lot harder to to justify continuing on that path. Also, it's really clear that, like, no one on my podcast has any skin in the game. Like they're just like sharing their own personal story, which is just so cool. Like that's done. I always knew for a long time.
01:16:49:17 - 01:17:16:23
Unknown
I always, it always seemed obvious to me that women learned best through personal narrative that just always seemed in my birth work, like that was how the female brain worked, you know, like it wasn't about 75% of like, then it wasn't really like that. But women in the middle of labor would, you know, turn to me and be like, remember that one story you told me of that one mom who did this one thing and I learned really young, like, oh, that's how she's going to learn.
01:17:16:23 - 01:17:40:08
Unknown
That's how I can teach is through sharing the stories of women. And so, yeah, this is like a whole new level, obviously, but it's so cool. Yeah. And now that you say that. So after my son was born, I got very lightheaded like my, my birth that I just had a few days ago. And you had done that hemorrhage podcast, which was phenomenal.
01:17:40:08 - 01:18:10:10
Unknown
And I, like all of my friends now, are all free birth moms. So we've all listened to it and we all said how wonderful it was. But you talked in that podcast about how it's normal to feel lightheaded after birth, and how it's normal to lose blood after having a baby. And, yeah. So in that moment where I could have, you know, totally been afraid and been looking for my tinctures and, you know, whatever.
01:18:10:12 - 01:18:28:04
Unknown
I just felt really at ease. And I just listened to my body, and I knew I needed some sugar, and I knew I needed to just lay down. And again, I just I listened to my body, and it was that anecdote that I was just, like, telling myself in my head like, no, remember that story? Like, you know, it's going to be okay, you're fine.
01:18:28:04 - 01:18:52:02
Unknown
You're perfectly fine. You just you just had a baby. It's okay to feel this way. And and it was beautiful. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Such a surprise. Thank you. Find out you got a little baby. A little. But I did tell your team, like when I booked my time, I told your team I might have just had a baby on this day.
01:18:52:02 - 01:19:07:23
Unknown
Just letting you know. And you're like, okay. Yeah. That's fine. Just like, don't have the baby in the room, like, oh, no, that would be too distracting for me. I wouldn't be able to think so. Yeah. I thought you were going to say they were going to say don't have the baby on the episode. I was like, no, we should have done this.
01:19:08:01 - 01:19:17:13
Unknown
Awesome. Thank you so much and congratulations. And I really appreciate your time. Thank you. Yeah, it's an honor.
01:19:17:15 - 01:19:42:22
Unknown
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below. And of course leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets. So let's spread the good word of sovereign birth. Don't forget, you can watch our podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories.
01:19:42:22 - 01:20:18:10
Unknown
And you'll also find our viral free birth collection of epic raw birth videos on our YouTube. Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out all about it at Freebird Society. Com Afro-Brazilian Instagram and opt in to my newsletter. Below we offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, the Blood Mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in-person retreats and of course, our annual women's gathering, the Matriarch Rising Festival, our exclusive private vetted membership.
01:20:18:10 - 01:20:40:13
Unknown
The lighthouse is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life, together we rise. Sisters, we must speak our stories, fully, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you.
01:20:40:13 - 01:21:16:08
Unknown
I'll leave you with our gorgeous free birth society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red. I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored eons upon light beams of survival with standing the eradication of our power by design.
01:21:16:10 - 01:21:42:14
Unknown
I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity the picket line redefine from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and dragging our babes strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts. Keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons.
01:21:42:14 - 01:22:08:18
Unknown
All your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention, death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the stars. Just conception. While the moon. She still lives inside her.
01:22:08:19 - 01:22:15:16
Unknown
Wild woman from you I will not hide.
01:22:15:18 - 01:22:30:13
Unknown
They could not find your spirit away. So please teach me your way. I'm ready to learn from you. Why?
01:22:30:15 - 01:22:37:23
Unknown
I still run around with the wolves when it's time.
01:22:38:01 - 01:22:45:10
Unknown
I still run, run, run, run me where all one's wild.
01:22:45:12 - 01:22:52:18
Unknown
I still run, run, run. Where the wolves went. Sky.
01:22:52:20 - 01:22:57:18
Unknown
We all came from. While the woman.
