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Speaker 1
Into the wild, I'm going. Into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom challenge since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild
Speaker 2
I hid.
Speaker 1
It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 3
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya. It's been
Speaker 1
a wild freedom change since I left my rules back home.
Speaker 0
If you are like most of my listeners, you are devouring these episodes and you're probably wishing that you could speak to the women that come on this show, learn from them, even get to know them in real life. Right? Well, I would like to invite you into my inner circle. It's called The Lighthouse. The Lighthouse is my highly exclusive online membership, and it's where most of the women on this podcast are hanging out. It's by far the best social media platform on the Internet. It's highly curated by yours truly, and our team personally vets every single member coming in to ensure the highest caliber community imaginable. I'm talking a full feed of free birth announcements every day, engaging in intellectual conversation about everything taboo under the sun, a ton of group calls every month to connect and be in circle, not to mention the now seven year old matriarch search engine that will quickly replace your Google searching. We only open our doors four times a year and half that time we only open it to those on the wait list. Add your name to the list in the show notes below and consider taking your place among us brilliant sovereign wild women because it's just simply better when we're all together. See you on the inside, sis. Alright. Welcome, Kaseya.
Speaker 4
Hi, Emilee. Thanks for having me on the podcast. I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 0
Yeah. I'm excited to hear your story. Your photo that we shared is is burned into my my memory. It's a beautiful photo, but for some reason, that photo became this whole back end Instagram drama about me almost getting kicked off of Instagram. And it it's weird because it's just it's not even, like, a very graphic picture. But I don't know. It got caught up in some sort of getting censored, and every time I would appeal it and it would come back, it just kept me in this loop. And then, anyway, it was this whole long thing. So I associate this beautiful photo now in my life as I was always like this one. Mama. You're just holding the baby. Like, it's not even, you know, that crazy.
Speaker 4
Oops. Many haters out there, though. Maybe not
Speaker 0
And robots.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 0
Who knows? Who knows? Gotta keep they're trying to keep the the beauty off Instagram.
Speaker 4
Well, the video video has been taken down now because of that, I think, but it's on YouTube.
Speaker 0
So Mhmm.
Speaker 4
Women can watch it on there.
Speaker 0
Mhmm. Nice. It's really annoying. Okay. But we are here to hear the epic tale of you rebirthing your first child. So just take us to the beginning. When does this crazy idea come into your consciousness? What is this pregnancy like? You know, when do you hear about all of this? And, yeah, just tell us your whole story.
Speaker 4
So I'd say for my most part of my early twenties, I was getting involved in a lot of conscious communities, and that's when I started to live with a bit more intention and really live on my own terms. And I think that was a changing point for me of breaking away from the pressures and expectations of what I should be doing with my life and more tuning into what feels right with me. So I'd always wanted to have a home birth, and my mum was the first woman I knew who had a home birth, and that was in the ninth. Yeah. Her first birth with me was in the hospital, but that birth made her adamant on a home birth with my younger sister. And she always used to say that she could have done it without the midwives and they were actually doing her head in the whole time. So I had that imprint in my mind of home birth is the way. And then as I started to approach conscious conception, I found the podcast and started to speak to women who I personally know who who have had a free birth, which is amazing because not many women seem to know of someone in real life who has had well, not in real life, but no like, a woman or something. So I reached out to those women and and would pick their brains on what it was like and why they decided it was for them, and that totally resonated with me.
Speaker 0
So you you just happen to have friends who have free birthed? Yeah. They've That's amazing.
Speaker 4
One of them has, done the radical birth keeper course called Ruby. Nabila has free birth three of her children. Mhmm. Chantal, Ruby's sister. So in Manchester, there's quite a few women that we know of. That? I
Speaker 0
can. That's so cool.
Speaker 4
And they were they were so supportive. But apart from that, I was the first person in my immediate circle and friendship group to have a baby and to free birth.
Speaker 0
So you knew your whole life, home birth, but when does the concept of free birthing like, how does that is it through your friends, or how how does that, even as an option, come into your awareness?
Speaker 4
I think it was visualizing birth and what I would be doing and who who I would be with. I thought, why would I have strangers there? Midwives in the UK, if you decide to have a medicalized birth, you don't know which midwife you're gonna get, so it is a stranger. Then I was thinking I want to be comfortable. I've paired birth before being compared to having sex or going to the toilet and having a pair of one, things like that. And I wouldn't want to be observed by anyone I didn't know or even a multiple multiple people. The idea of that was really off putting. So I was very I was scaling it down. Mhmm. It was always gonna be me, my partner, and the baby. Yeah. Simple.
Speaker 0
I mean and I guess this is such an interesting conversation every time because, you know, arguably, everyone would feel that way if they thought about just that. Right? Like, of of course, no one's excited to have a stranger there. Of course, anyone would prefer comfort. And yet the vast majority of women choose to override those, let's call them preferences, because why? Because they're afraid and because they believe, whether they're factually right or wrong, they believe that they and or their baby are truly safer in, well, an uncomfortable environment with strangers. So how how does that how does that, like, ideology not capture you? How does that like, how do you contend with the average consciousness?
Speaker 4
For me, I'd say choosing a wild pregnancy was really essential to getting to the point that I felt confident enough and ready to free birth because I started the pregnancy with one foot in, one foot out, I'd say. We went to the first antenatal meeting to have a scan and ultrasound. And It was horrible. And you see the baby on on the screen, and you're supposed to be
Speaker 0
When I lost you. It froze again. I didn't catch anything after you said that you went to the first antenatal appointment. And then Oh. Say say all that again, please.
Speaker 4
Yeah. So I went to the first antenatal appointment, to one, I needed to make sure I thought I needed to make sure that I was on the system in a way to help me with my maternity documents later on. And also, I think it was a bit of people pleasing, wanting to have the image of the the ultrasound image to show people of the baby, those kind of things that I'd seen in movies, and I thought this is kind of the route that you take. But being in the sonographer's room was totally awful. I actually felt a little bit like a Handmaid's Tale a a hand made out of Handmaid's Tale. The woman who was using the ultrasound equipment was speaking to her, assistant or student and completely ignoring me, speaking in their medical language, not really involving me in the conversation. It's quite painful. They were men making comments like, oh, the baby the baby's a bit plain off and doesn't want to be seen. And my partner was saying, well, you know, it is radiation. Maybe that's why. And he felt a bit helpless because I was clearly in a bit of discomfort. They tell you to drink lots of water before you go, and then they press really hard on your stomach. So that whole experience affirmed for me that I can't continue coming here because I I don't have a voice here. I'm not seen here. It's not enjoyable. So from that point, I started to really research why women were also choosing wild pregnancy. It wasn't just a, you know, a preference. It was to protect birth from the offset. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it
Speaker 0
sounds like your partner was pretty down from the beginning.
Speaker 4
Oh, yeah. He's amazing. We had a conversation in the car because I we've been together for eleven years, and we always need these check ins to make sure we're both on the same page. So I said to him, you know, are you really okay with the way that I'm deciding to have this birth? And he said, yeah. Absolutely. If you wanted to birth in the hospital, I wouldn't have wanted to have the child. So because he's quite radical. Yeah. He's quite extreme. So I thought, yes. Yes, Remy. Okay. He's he's on board. I don't need anyone else. For me, having his support was more than enough.
Speaker 0
Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. It's a funny response. Okay. So you leave that ultrasound being like, nah. This isn't for me. This doesn't feel right. And from that point on, you choose to have a wild pregnancy and align with free birth?
Speaker 4
Yeah. So from that point, I got all my books together, which was amazing. This was the most incredible time of my life because birth education for women in the UK is is is just not a thing. It isn't. When we're in primary school, high school, we're always told to avoid a pregnancy more or less through the fear of it. So being able to educate myself and find out how incredible pregnancy is and how intelligent birth is and that I'm able to have this experience, I was just sat there every night reading as many books as I could, listening to the Free Birth Society podcast and meditating with, I liked Yolanda's birth meditation playlist, and I also used all of my birthday money. This was in the October to pay for the free birth society, free birth course.
Speaker 0
Wait. You get you get birthday money?
Speaker 4
Yeah. Okay. I'm so
Speaker 0
jealous. Who gives you birthday money as an adult?
Speaker 4
Well, they would all what would what would people usually buy? I I just said, go just get me money this year.
Speaker 0
That's awesome.
Speaker 4
I'll put it towards the course.
Speaker 0
I love it. Oh, so you, like, told whoever, your parents or something, that that was what
Speaker 4
Yeah. It was my mom. She she was the one that gave me the money for it.
Speaker 0
Aw. I just was picturing, like, a birthday card with the five dollars in it, you know, like, from grandma or whatever.
Speaker 4
Oh, yeah. I still get that. Yeah.
Speaker 0
Love that.
Speaker 4
Yeah. I'm very grateful now. Yeah.
Speaker 0
Oh, that's so sweet. Okay. So your mom, let's talk about her for a minute. So she obviously plays a part in this. Yeah. So what's what's that like? What's her level of support or what what she has to work through?
Speaker 4
Yeah. So, my mom, like I said, she had a home birth, which was pretty radical for her Mhmm. Peer group at the time. And she's brought us up to be quite holistic anyway. So if you are unwell, it's not straight to the doctors. It's more, let's, you know, sit with it a minute. What's the symptoms, herbs, alternative medicines? So that's how she raised us, and that's her view on on on wellness. So when I when it came to discussing my birth plans, she was pretty much on board, though that did change slightly throughout the pregnancy. So as the as you get closer towards giving birth, that's when everyone's fears start to come up, not just your own. But, yeah, I can speak about that later on. But throughout the pregnancy, you know, she was really supportive and didn't have any yeah. She was quite interested in it, but she always said I don't want to be at the birth. Mhmm. That was hard to accept at some point, but I worked through that on my own. And it it turned out for the best that she wasn't there.
Speaker 0
Exactly. And it's there is a level of maturity and and respect, I think, for her to be willing to opt out and know that she's not the right fit, right, versus I hear about all these stories of the mom coming and ruining the birth. You know? Ugh. So what else do you wanna share about your pregnancy? How did you navigate the fear, the the the social aspect of it? You know, what was all that like?
Speaker 4
I'd say, well, pregnancy can be a little bit lonely at times because you don't you're not part of the herd who has common stories to share about this happened at my midwife appointment, and this is what my baby scan looks like.
Speaker 0
And You're like, I just, went for a walk today.
Speaker 4
Yeah. I don't
Speaker 0
really have any
Speaker 4
It's all very boring in a way. And Yeah. For sure. Part of women a a lot of women maybe like the idea of having some drama around it and going to an appointment and hearing that, oh, my baby's measuring too big, and now I've got to take this or do this or I can't have my home birth. And I just wasn't I wasn't I was never into that. I wanted to speak about the the magic that was to come. Like, I'm having a child. My life is gonna change. What's what's my relationship gonna look like with my partner? I wanted to talk about the birth. And there wasn't many women that well, there was a lot of women I could do that with. It was more my friends who had not had a baby yet, but we're all on the same mindset as me, and that that gave me a lot of comfort. And I also had a doula. So in Manchester, in the UK, we have a free fund a funded free doula service for black and South Asian women because of the statistics of medicalized birth are so shocking. I can't remember off the top of my head, but I think it's, like, one in four women, black or South Asian women, may die in childbirth in the hospital. And that is a really terrible figure considering that that group of women make up about five percent of the population.
Speaker 0
Wait. One in four are dying?
Speaker 4
I think yeah. That that's that was the statistic at one point, which is why there's funding.
Speaker 0
And and so they throw them a free doula? Like, that's the thing that's gonna save their lives while they head into a hospital that's killing them? What?
Speaker 4
Yeah. The I think
Speaker 0
What is the doula gonna do? What?
Speaker 4
Yeah. It is it
Speaker 0
puts the
Speaker 4
blame on someone else because
Speaker 0
at the moment, I
Speaker 4
don't think she wants for doulas at the moment in the UK, so I think that's probably why. But the funding the funded service that I had with my doula, I was really grateful for because I knew of, my doula Naomi before becoming pregnant, and she's very much on the same page as me. So it was nice to meet with her monthly and speak about those things I wanted to speak about, like, I'm having a baby. What's life gonna look like now?
Speaker 0
So you were a you were given a free doula even though you were birthing in system?
Speaker 4
Oh, sorry. I didn't explain that well. The funded doula service is not available through the NHS. It's the funded doula service is a separate organization, but they can gain funding because of the statistics, if that makes sense. So their bid was approved because it supports
Speaker 0
No. Totally. I just mean but, like, you got her you got to use that service even though you weren't birthing in the hospital where the murder is happening.
Speaker 4
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 0
And did you have her at your birth?
Speaker 4
No. And not?
Speaker 1
I
Speaker 4
I didn't it's so I I feel terrible saying this. I didn't trust anyone apart from my partner. And I think having someone there, I know I know myself I would have been trying to outsource the stream that I needed. And and I know that because even with my partner, there was times when I just wanted him to hold me and just take off some of this this intensity. Please, let's share it, and it's not possible. Just not possible. Thank you, Pauline. So I I thought I had yeah. I knew that was coming, and I thought, nah.
Speaker 0
So when you brought her into your pregnancy, were you transparent with her? Like, what was the setup of you were like, I want a friend that's a doula, but you're not coming to my birth? Like, how Oh, yeah.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah. And I knew that we wanted a free birth, and she was so happy to support a pregnancy and a birth where the mom was taking total agency over her own, journey. She was she was so impressed and happy that I was reading the books and doing the work. And I just wanted to have someone, like I said, to talk about things with because because it does get really lonely. Apart from now, I had my friends and, like, a few WhatsApp groups where I knew of these women in other parts of the UK that had had free birth while pregnancy. So, yeah, she was really on board with that. And she didn't take offense from it. And I think the fact that it is a free service worked in my favor because if you pay for something, you well, I feel like, oh, I need to make, you know, make my worth, like, use it and get my worth out of it. But I think because it was free, I was a bit like, I can take that, leave that. You know?
Speaker 0
And you probably wouldn't have paid. No. You know? Like, it was the perfect scenario for you and exactly what you were looking for.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 0
So you mentioned earlier that heading towards the end of your pregnancy is when everyone's fears come out and there was something about your mom. You wanna take us into the end of your pregnancy?
Speaker 4
Yeah. So towards the end of the pregnancy, it's cast my mind back. I was getting really big and very uncomfortable with having lots of contractions, as in everyday having contractions. But I I I liked them. They were at the front of my belly, and I was kind of observing them like an out of body experience, and it wasn't painful. I was just thinking, you know, labor could come anytime now, but I'm not putting any pressure on it as a first time mom. But the the week that the labor portal opened, everyone around me seemed to notice that. And out of the blue, I was having these really difficult conversations. And it wasn't just with my mom. There was another family member who had called us and said, even though she knew all about our plans to free birth and was on board with it, she called and basically just dumped all of the fear, onto us and said Woah. You I was naive, and I need an independent midwife. And we my partner won't know what to do. He'll be flapping and someone she knows. Her baby died at home with a home birth. Everything you can imagine that you're not supposed to, she said it. And, I had a conversation with my mom where she was getting really worried and concerned.
Speaker 0
Was this on the phone? This person?
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 0
And she was just dumping on you. And what are you doing?
Speaker 4
I'm really sensitive at this point, so I froze and didn't have much to say. The aftermath of it was taking it taking it out of my partner a little bit because it caused an argument between us, which is what happens because the pressure is is so intense then. I ended up having an emergency call with Ruby, who I mentioned before. We jumped on a call, and we went through all of the birth emergencies just to put my mind at ease, and then I felt more in my in my center again. And I got a little bit in my ego too. I thought, you know what? I'm gonna prove you all wrong here because this is so possible, and you're simply projecting fears. And it comes from a place of love, but the timing of it is just totally wrong.
Speaker 0
So then your mom, she also is jumping on board in some way there, it sounds like?
Speaker 4
She she had a lot of fears come up, that week. And
Speaker 0
Was it fueled by this other person?
Speaker 4
No. No. No. It wasn't fueled by someone. She my mom even, said at one point, you know, which was shocked to hear. She said, how will you know how to push? How to push? And I thought, well, mom, you've done this before. And she said, I know. I know. But I think with with parents, now I am a parent, I think you do have fear for them in in a way that you don't for yourself. Because she said if if she was about to have this birth, she would choose free birth for herself. But seeing me, it set off a different level of fear in her.
Speaker 0
And she also didn't free birth. You know? Like, she she is still coming from a place where she did have a medical provider at her birth, and it's very, very likely that this medical provider told her when to push. It does just because she had a home birth doesn't mean shit about that. You know? So, yeah, it is it is a trip, man. It's all really, really wild.
Speaker 4
Oh, I'm telling you. Yeah.
Speaker 0
So how'd you guys work that through, and, like, what was the vibe as you entered birth with her?
Speaker 4
When I went into labor. So these conversations were happening on Wednesday, Thursday. I went into labor on Friday.
Speaker 0
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 4
Yeah. And I didn't I didn't make contact with any family members to let them know. That was how I managed that. I by the time my the conversation came with my mom, I was very much in my center, and I there was a bit of pushback there. But, yeah, by the time it came to the actual lay oh, but then again, saying that when I was in labor, because it was a bit of a, well, long labor, I guess. On the Saturday, she called me and said, I was thinking about you and, how are you getting on? And I was I was really in it. So I thought, I don't really wanna tell my mom that I'm in labor, but I couldn't help it. And I said, I'm in labor. And she went, I knew it. I had a dream last night, and, yeah, the baby's coming on Sunday just like when you were born on a Sunday, and it's a boy. So we had this really beautiful conversation. She was obviously she we're very connected. She telepathically knew that I was in labor without me even telling her. But she left me to it, and I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 0
Anything else you wanna say before you head into your birth story?
Speaker 4
Just that I had a really beautiful blissful pregnancy once I stepped away from the system. And I think if women do want to have a free birth, that is the first part of protecting that space. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's all I I'll tell you about the pregnancy. Yeah.
Speaker 0
It was mean that the women who are up for the work of wild pregnancy and the detangling and deprogramming and, like, obviously, you lay down the foundation of your birth in how you choose to have a pregnancy. It's just a lot less likely if you stay in the system in your pregnancy that you're going to have your wits about you enough to also opt out at the very end. I mean, it does happen. It definitely happens. But Yeah.
Speaker 4
It does happen. I think the the premise of wild pregnancy that I like the most is it really forces you to sit with all of the uncomfortable feelings. Yeah. I I did have a beautiful, blissful pregnancy, but there wasn't times when, like, I went to, teach in a yoga retreat in Gambia in Africa. And we went to eat and I had this food on the beach, and it was really bad. It gave me bad belly.
Speaker 0
Oh, no.
Speaker 4
But you know when you've got food poisoning, the cramping in your stomach. Okay. So I'm I'm on the toilet in Gambia thinking, catastrophic thoughts. There's no admin service out here. There's my partner's not here. And I was just worried about the baby. And on the way home, which was a two hour journey back to the villa, I was constantly, like, checking trying to check whether I was bleeding, and my friend just put a hand at the time, put a hand on me and was like, it's okay. Baby's fine. So there was loads of moments like that where I just had to sit with, okay. What if, at this point, the baby decides not to say stay or you know, it wasn't easy. But, again, it just prepares you for how uncomfortable labor is. Mhmm. So I'm all for the wild pregnancy.
Speaker 0
Totally. And and you have to go through those you know, and then the next pregnancy, you get diarrhea again, and you're like it won't even occur to you that the you know what I mean? Like, you keep moving the needle of going through these, these things. Yeah. Of like, oh my gosh. Am I okay? Is baby okay? How do I know? I don't know. And then it just kind of becomes more and more integrated and just less scary, I think.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah. Actually, the night of labor, I we went out to eat at a local Caribbean restaurant, and I had fish. So when we got home and and later on in in the night, I woke up to these pains again, and I thought, oh, food poisoning from that thing. I'm never eating this again. But it was actually late. It was actually contractions. Thank god. Fine. Yeah.
Speaker 0
Food poisoning twice in one pregnancy is not fair.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Well, that that was the start of labor. So Friday night, I was having these contractions that were more intense than the ones I've been having for a week prior. I didn't wake up my partner. I just got into the shower, and I was bent forward and let the shower go on the my lower back and felt this really nice relief. Really excited, actually, thinking, yes. This is this is happening. I'm ready to meet my baby. Well, I had a singing circle booked in with the girls. So throughout my pregnancy, one of my friends, she's an artist, and she I asked her whether she would do weekly song circles at my house because I knew that singing would really help with, you know, relaxing my pelvic floor, being all connected and such. So we had these, weekly circles, and that was due to start at ten AM. And I'm in the shower from, like, three till four, and then six AM, I'm on the toilet or everything's opening out. And I'm thinking, oh my gosh. How am I gonna have the girls round? But I think, you know what? Let me just enjoy my plans. I won't cancel on them. It came to ten AM, and the girls are starting to come in. I went to the toilet. My mucus plug had come away. And I thought, oh, here's another sign. I couldn't I I did plan to not let the girls know that I was in labor because I didn't want everyone to be like, how are you getting on? Are you okay fussing me? But you can't help it. It was just such a joyous moment. I shared it with everyone who came in that day, and we were singing for about three hours of beautiful songs of joy and peace and love. Cute. It was beautiful. And my contractions were still coming early into the singing, and I'd sit down and breathe through them. And I thought, oh, imagine the baby comes with all my girls. How amazing would that be? But by the time that they'd left, the contraction has pretty much slowed down and almost stopped. I think it was that relaxed. I don't know. So as they all, headed home, one of my friends at the time said, let's not contact Casey now. Let's just leave her to it. I thought that was nice. And it was just left me and my partner for the rest of the day, and I thought, oh, are the contractions gonna come back? You know, that I thought the baby was coming tonight. This is Saturday. But, no, I tried to get some rest that evening. Too uncomfortable. Not sleeping much. And then things started ramping up again. Three AM in the morning. So I thought, right. No circle no singing circle today. Let's do
Speaker 0
you did. Let's do
Speaker 4
it. And I'm in the shower, opening up the bowels. But what's happening at this point is I'm getting these
Speaker 0
Does that mean you're pooping in the shower?
Speaker 4
Yeah. Oh, sure. I never said that on the fire. Why? You're so you I was been there. No judgment. Well, it's just not how it's
Speaker 0
make that I won't make that the name of your episode.
Speaker 4
Yeah. It was a very humbling moment, but it was also in it was also a really, like, serious moment in the shower. More serious than the day before because the day before was really giddy. And this day, I was I was quite like, oh, okay. I wanna connect with all the moms around the world who are in labor right now, all the animals. I was I was just feeling very wild and primal. I think it's from pooing in the shower. You know? All of your sensible like, sensibilities are just gone, aren't they? Yeah. So, yeah, that was Sunday morning. And then things were just very constant, but it's tiring. Having the contractions and breathing through each one, it it is. It's it it takes up energy, and I was constantly hungry. So I was feeding myself, but then going to the toilet and the pressure that was putting on my bum and was getting the hemorrhoids towards end of pregnancy because I was so I was in a lot of pain going back and forth to the kitchen, to the toilet. So my partner, he said, right. Let's get into the garden. I'll put a fire on, and you can just relax. And it was a beautiful day. In Manchester, we don't have many days with blue sky. And so now especially if because it was around March time. So I sat in the garden with the fire on, feeling the sun on my face, really relaxed, and the contractions started to slow down. I thought, oh, I could be in for another few days of this now. How am I gonna do this? So I ended up joining, a couple of forums online, free birth forums on Facebook. This is not how I imagined being in labor, you know, on the screen. Crazy screen time. You know, just thinking, trying to find out, like, how long does slow labor last? Well, obviously
Speaker 0
As if you're as if
Speaker 4
you're as if you're no answer.
Speaker 0
Oh, dear.
Speaker 4
I knew all this from doing the course, from listening to the podcast, but all everything just yeah.
Speaker 0
Well, just we're so desperate at that stage. Like, we're so desperate to to try to find any sense of what to expect and to hang on to control, and it's such a a frivolous you know, fruitless. What's the right term? Yeah. It can't be done, but I totally understand.
Speaker 4
Yeah. The the the hardest part of labor is the mental game easily. And I even sat there and thought, now I know why women go for elective c sections, and now I know why they obsess about the due date because it's this illusion of having some form of control over when the people arrive. So it gets to about six o'clock, and I'm done. You know? The sunset. I'm having these I had this call with my mom, and you remember she said that the baby was arriving on Sunday, and I'm thinking, oh, what if mom was wrong? It's nearly the end of Sunday. A few other people had started to pop up by then. Even though you tell people not to check-in, they're gonna check-in. Came over? No. No. Not to the house. They caught they were calling and texting. Are you getting on girl? Yeah. Any any sign of the baby, that sort of thing. But that additional pressure, it it was it it's irritating, isn't it? And it's not what you need. So we we switched off the phones. No more Facebook forums. And I said to I said to Remi, let's go upstairs. Let's just go to bed. And, yeah, we go upstairs and I'm sat on the bed. And I have a little moment where I'm talking to the baby and saying, you know, it's really safe to come now. I've been telling you this whole pregnancy, just stay in the womb. Stay with me here, but now it's safe it's safe to come. And I'm speaking I'm speaking to God, and I'm saying, just I'm ready and have a cry, and that helps. That was a real big sobbing. After that, things started to relax a little bit in my body, not not feeling so much, like, weight and pressure. What did we do then? Oh, yeah. My boyfriend said, let's put on a comedy to take your mind off it. So he puts on forty year old virgin, which I'd never seen before. It's really funny. Yeah. So we sat, and I was sat on the bouncy ball in the bedroom watching the film. And that laughter, I think, was really good for bringing the labor on because by halfway through that film, things had started to ramp up a bit. I thought, oh, this is it. You know? I said to Remi, I think you should start getting things ready. Get the get the, blankets. Because the we've got wooden floor, so we needed a bit of support for my knees on the on the floor. So get the blankets. He changed the lighting, set up the tripod because I really wanted to capture the birth. So he's busy himself getting all those things done, And I'm just using all of my internal, like, yoga cues to relax into the contractions, which is really difficult. Well, it's difficult in that they are all consuming. You can feel a contraction everywhere in in the tips of your toes. You can feel it in your eyelids. It's everywhere. So I'm I'm just moving around. And, I thought at this point from reading so many books that I'd come out of my thinking brain.
Speaker 0
I'd
Speaker 4
just be more in the body, but I had so many thoughts all the time just coming in about what I should be doing and what positions I should be in. So I was hoping that I could reach this point of, like, just more of the the embodied experience that's not so heavy in my mind. So, yeah, the the he had some, like, folktronic medicine jungle music on. That was part of my birth playlist, and then that started to get too much. And I thought, now now we're headed we're heading towards a serious part of birth because birth is already dramatic enough. You don't need all the drums and stuff to make it this big performance. So we turned the music off, and I'm on over the bed, knees on the ground, hands on top of the bed. And I'm just sway swaying, just feeling really uncomfortable as if the the my back's about to open up. And Remy said my partner said I was making quite high noises, and he'd from doing a lot of the courses and reading books, he remembered that it's best if you make these low guttural sounds. So, apparently, he was behind me. I didn't see this on the video trying to, make moon noises behind my ear. And I thought I didn't hear any of this now, so this is when I'm just totally in my zone. But, yeah, he at one point, he said breathe because I was forgetting to not forgetting to, but it's very hard, I found, to take a deep breath in. It's easier to focus on the breath out and let the breath in take care of itself. So I'm focusing focusing on that, and I'm really speaking to the baby at this point and saying, like, you've got this. Like, we're ready. You know what to do. I close my eyes, and this must be the point of transition because it felt as if my body was no longer my own. And this huge surge of energy just started to come down straight from the crown of my head through my spine all the way to the base. And it was like I was at literally at the edges of the earth Mhmm. Bringing in the baby, bringing in that that bit my baby's spirit. So once once that experience had ended, the head came out, and I was just totally I I was just so rejoined that I didn't I didn't feel any pain. It was more like, wow. The baby is here. I can feel the baby's head, and we're doing this. And I was saying, I'm so proud of you to myself, to the baby. And Remi said, after after the birth, he said, when I saw the head, the baby looked so perfect and peaceful. It had this split thought, like, what if what if the baby's gonna be stillborn? That's the thought he had. But he put it to he said in the moment, he just put it put it to the side. He's really good at that. He's very good at not letting his emotions spill over. He's he holds space really well. So, yeah, the baby's head's out now, and I think it's nearly three minutes, maybe longer. But I knew that you can wait for the next contraction, and there's no rush whatsoever, and there's no harm in the baby's head being out whilst they're connected to the placenta. So I'm enjoying the rest and just thinking, wow. This is this is it. I'm here. I've I'm also having thoughts like I've I've really done this even though there's so much more to come because the placenta's not not out yet. But, yeah, the next contraction, the baby doesn't move, and then well, maybe the maybe he did some spinning in there. And then the contraction after that, body came out. Remy caught him in his hands, which is obviously the best moment of his life, and I'm so glad that he got to experience that. And I said, oh, well, can you, pass him underneath? And I'm in a bit of shock at this point. Yeah. I can feel, like, my body's shaking, and I know that the baby's there, but I'm just, like, looking into into my baby's face to to really ground myself in the moment. And I'm speaking to my baby, and it was I didn't I didn't know he was a boy at that point. And I just looked down to check, and it was a boy. And then we both start crying, and I could go again. It was just so it was just so amazing. It was it was out of this world. You can't describe no one gets it until you've done it yourself. So, yeah, I was holding him, and I said to Remi, can can we call the mums now? That was the plan. I should have waited in hindsight, should have waited until after the presenter was here. Who knows? Call the mums. My mum lives around the corner. She arrives in less than ten minutes. Remi as well lives pretty close as well, so she arrives not sure.
Speaker 0
They both come before your placenta's born?
Speaker 4
Before the placenta's born. I know. I think because I looked down, and it was more blood than I expected. Not a you know, I think when you're new to birth, there is a lot of fluids. And until you see it yourself, you don't realize. So I was looking down, I thought, oh, is that a lot of blood? But I felt fine. I was I was looking I was engaging with the baby, and I was really hungry. And I just said, well, let me just get onto the bed and and rest here a minute. So my mom and, Remi's mom come in, and they're overjoyed. So we have this moment while we're all on the bed and just in absolute awe of my son. Then before you know it, an hour and ten minutes has passed. Now most people don't know that you can wait for the placenta way longer than the doctors ever allow you to birth the placenta. And I had explained this to Remy's mom and my mom before. But in that moment, that is when their fears start to set in, and they're like, why is the placenta not here yet? You know, shouldn't you be birthing the placenta? So that was a bit annoying because I'd let them into my space, and now I'm on it I'm on someone else's timer. I know. So we're going back and forth with me being out of it. Remember, I've just had a baby, so I'm still in, like, that stage of adrenaline and shock. And I'm saying, it's fine. You know, just just it will come in its own time. It got to a point where I said write everyone out, meaning the moms, not Remy. So they went downstairs. But the house is you know, it's twelve o'clock at night, so it's really quiet. You can hear everything. And I can hear them on Google looking at retained placenta and Twittering on. Wow. It internal figures being concerned, it it does affect you on a physical level, mental level. So I was saying to Remi, right, we just need to get back into the the birth space. You know, let's just start again kinda thing. And we're doing that, and then all of a sudden, my mom just burst into the door. And she says in a very authoritative mom voice, right. You just need to push that placenta out now. So funnily enough yeah. And I give thanks for this because, I would have hated it to go another way. I have this contraction. I bear down and pop out comes the placenta. So I've been I went back and forth for a while after my birth when I was processing how it all went with, should my mom have been there? But then I had my mom there and maybe I needed to hear, you know, mom's voice in that moment saying, you just get that placenta out now. And it came out. And then after that, everyone was chill. It was it was a joyous moment. We sat on the bed until four AM in the morning. Blooded sheets had been cleared away. Soup had been prepared. And I was just retelling the story. Like, I I did read once that when, someone has been through a traumatic moment that it is best to just tell the story straight away. And birth isn't trauma in that way, but as soon as you retell the story, retell the story, it helps you to really process it, I
Speaker 0
think. Yeah.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That that's what happened.
Speaker 0
And so how does those first couple days go and nursing and yeah. How old is baby now?
Speaker 4
Eight months.
Speaker 0
Okay. So how's it been?
Speaker 4
Incredible. Really smooth. Before having the baby, I thought I would have won lots of visitors round, but I was on such a high. The visitors were coming thick and fast to the point where my mom had to put a visitor's bench in the bedroom. It was it was like one in, one out. And I and I I loved it. I did because I got to tell my story, and people were coming around with food. We had a lotus birth, which helped deter people from holding the baby, which is a good trick for anyone who is thinking about being, like, lots of visitors in. My sister who lives in London, she came up for a month and was looking after meals.
Speaker 0
Aw. That's sweet.
Speaker 4
Holding my hair and clean my face. And my mom was amazing. Remy's mom everyone was great in that process. I was a bit shocked with the early breastfeeding stages. Again, it's similar to the peak of labor where you're, like, looking for someone to to take a little bit of this strain and and help you. But when you decide to exclusively breastfeed, it's all on you, and accepting that makes it a lot easier. So the sooner I started to accept that, I got over the fact of how constant mothering is, and I am the main caregiver, and that's okay. And ever since then, I've just I've loved having my son here. I love having a family. That's really changed the way I view the world. Nothing else seems to nothing else seems to matter now. And, yeah, I just look forward to having more children as well. I'd go again now if if if it happens.
Speaker 0
So how would you say that free birthing has changed you?
Speaker 4
It's given me I already had this, but it's given me this deep sense of trust in myself. It has made me even more of, even more suspicious of systems that health care, government, all of the big ones. It has formed such a deep bond with my partner that we often just get glances at each other. And and I'm like, that that is my person. Like, he just gets me. He gets he gets, okay. He just, he gets it. Like, we're on the same frequency. We've spoken so much about what frequency is and, yeah, we're vibing at this level. But until you've been that path together, it's like, yeah, we're from the same place.
Speaker 0
So And
Speaker 2
and the
Speaker 0
the intimacy and opportunity that he got to witness you birth in power. You know, most most men's initiation into fatherhood is watching their wife be sexually assaulted. You know? It's so, so the opposite. It is so brutal. And the animal, you know, body in the male is, like, watching his woman be acted upon, you know, be violated, and he's not protecting her. He can't. Right? Because they've chosen to put their protecting her, he can't. Right? Because they've chosen to put their trust in a bunch of strangers in a system, right, to be, you know, whatever whatever the right term is, to be a part of the herd. And so there's such a spiritual cost to a couple when the story for a And he's a part of it, or he cut the cord because the doctor told him to when she never wanted that. I mean, it's so dark, and it is to ruin a family. You know? And so then we have this free birth family emerge. I mean, they've always been around, but currently, right, we're in these big discussions and this big discovery of one of the most incredible things that happens in a family, in a free birth situation is what you're describing. This shared frequency, this sense of, like, you know me in a whole new way. You've you've watched me, like, fucking struggle and wanna quit and, like, all this stuff, and then you rose to power. And he saw that, and he holds that in your family. Like, that is what the father should be doing. That is what the husband should be initiated through. And it just is so it's just so evil and painful that that is not the situation out there for most men and that their initiation, not just into, I mean, their initiation into fatherhood, you know, is to be cut out. They're not they're not important in the hospital at all. They have no place. It's so, so, so fucked up, and that that's the beginning. I mean, so much of my coaching practice is full of women who were abused in the system. And, obviously, I'll, at some point, be like, tell me about your marriage. Like, how has this impacted your marriage? And she's, like, so full of resentment and hurt and feeling so abandoned that this abuse happened right in front of this guy, you know, who married her and promised to protect her. Anyway, it's so it just it's so meaningful to me, and it's so important to talk about that aspect of your relationship because that is it's, like, untouchable. You know? That when when you guys go through hard times in your life together, that you have this as one of many. It's not your only piece of foundation. Obviously, you've had eleven years together, but this is such an anchor of intimacy and trust and and connectedness that will that will serve you guys so much in your life together. You know? I mean, I know you know this, but it's it's so big.
Speaker 4
I know. And I think the way that we welcomed our son into the world has impacted the way that Remy is now a father in that he's so confident. I hear of some dad too. You know, the baby's crying, and they'll stand outside the shower waiting for the mom to have the shower. He he he he is like I
Speaker 0
mean, I know free birth dads that do that too.
Speaker 4
Maybe it's a topic. Yes. Of course. On job. He has supported me so much, meals, massage, you know, just knowing that I need when I need a moment and I need to tap out. And I think it's because he's felt so part of the experience. Yeah. It's not he wasn't pushed out. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It is evil. What what you said, I agree, it's evil, what the hospitals are doing to the most sacred ceremony of our lives, which is birth.
Speaker 0
It's very intentional, and it's very successful. You know, a fractured family will be codependent on the system, on pharmaceuticals, on therapists, you know, the whole the whole thing. You know? And then what do we see with free birthing families? It's like, fathers stop working out of the home a lot or they start you know, women women stop working out of the home. You know, all of a sudden, there's this deeper bond and togetherness that their you know, families aren't up for the same bullshit. Like you said about being suspicious of the systems, it's, like, damn straight. You know? And free birthing families don't then just, like, surrender their babies to the public school system and to pediatricians and to it's whack. Like, we're not doing that. Like, we don't birth in power to then pass them off. You know? It's a full it's a full claiming of our little pack. You know? And it's just the beginning.
Speaker 4
It's super radical. And I was surprised because you meet so many people. I'm a yoga teacher, and I meet a lot of yoga teachers and people in the wellness industry. And I thought they would be on the same vibe, understand this whole connection of why it's important to free them and why women need that total agency. But then when it comes to it, that it's it's like, yeah. We're just gonna go to the hospital or we've you know what you're writing me on when it was COVID, and that just exposed all of the people who said that they were into wellness or really conscious, but then suddenly we need to rely on big pharma for this injection. So it's like
Speaker 0
Well, it's like I it it's like everyone is moving the needle. Well, not everyone. Some people who identify as conscious. You know, anyone who's trying. Let's put it that way. Because there's plenty of people who are asleep and totally committed to staying asleep, and they are not moving the needle. Right? So I'm not talking about those people, the, like, zombie people out there. But then there's, let's say, everyone else who, on some level, thinks they're conscious. They are trying. They're trying to do better than their parents did. They're trying to be healthier, whatever. But, ultimately, everyone's moving the needle at the pace that they can handle, right, at the pace that they're up for. And so someone like you is up for moving it a lot. You also had a good baseline story around the home birth and your mother and, you know, of course, there's, like, more to your life story than just that, but that is a beautiful imprint, right, to get to shape your story, you know, that you're creating now. But, anyway, we're all moving the needle at the pace that we are up for, and some people do it really fast and some people do it really slow. It's not really on I guess what I'm saying isn't it's not gonna come out as articulate as I would like. But if total embodied sovereignty is the arrival point, I don't think most people will ever get there, and that's okay. I don't know that this is our only go round of our consciousness getting to play in a physical realm. I mean, who knows what's going on out there? But everyone is at at their own pace, and it it is frustrating. There is a lot of, I would say, hypocrisy in it. You know, I used to be, you know, in the LA, like, yoga world, and everyone's, like, you know, chanting and doing their daily meditations and, you know, eating in the way that they think is conscious, and then they just go in for their inductions. And it's like, what what kind of spiritual bypass is happening for you? And, also, it's okay. Like, it ain't what I'm up to. It's not what I'm interested in. There's a lot of ego wrapped up in it. There's a lot of identity, you know, but but, ultimately, people are doing what they're up for. And most people aren't up for a truly sovereign embodied life. They're just not. It would require too much maturity, too much skillfulness, too much responsibility, and all we can do is live by example. Right? All we can do is focus on ourselves, walk the walk as we think it should be walked, and it will cause a ripple effect. You know? But I try to remember that it's not it's part of why I do coaching. It's just like, it's not better or worse. It's not on a scale like that. It's really highly individual for one person's particular consciousness imprint of what they can handle. You know?
Speaker 4
Yeah. I hear what you're saying. It's just frustrating because you when you experience it, you're like, no. You deserve this.
Speaker 0
Of course.
Speaker 4
And I wanna shout it from the rooftops, and I want But
Speaker 0
it it requires someone They would literally have to be willing to fully face themselves, which is a big ask. Most people are not up for that. That requires a level of resourcedness that, you know, I think the vast majority of people out there are at a much level lower level consciousness where they're still trying to, like they don't even know who they are yet. They're still trying to figure out, like, having some baseline security within their own system, much less you know, and what's obviously cool and that you and I both know this about free birth is it's the opportunity to fast track your self love and intuition and connection to self is available within our blood mysteries. It's not just birth. You know? Really, all of our blood mysteries. It's all available in our coding should we choose to use it as a consciousness raise. It's right there. You know? And, yeah, it's totally heartbreaking, and that's why we have to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 4
Yeah. That's why I'm so grateful for the podcast as well. So, yeah, thank you. Thank you for all of those days during pregnancy where I'd listen to women speak on this channel and be be joyful for them and celebrate them. And the free birth society course really helps too. Just the way that, you know, is so comprehensive, I think, and it covers all bases. And now that we've got such, like, a big community of radical birthkeepers, I just love I absolutely love and honor the work that you're doing, and I think it's so incredibly beautiful and powerful and impactful. So thank you.
Speaker 0
Mhmm. Yeah. Thank you. It's it's it's really rocking. It is really like, women are just like, yeah. Let's go. You know? It's so cool. It's so Yeah. So, so freaking cool. And it's the most fun that it's literally just, like, pretty much my, you know, my my core message is just, like, wake up to yourself. Like, you have everything you could possibly need, and here's a bunch of women talking about how they woke up to that. It's just such it's such cool medicine that it's it's about waking up, you know, to yourself. And, gosh, what what a yeah. It's so amazing. I love all these stories and how different all the women are, and yet also we're all just, like, totally the same, you know, of our motherhood, you know, trajectory and just trying to, like, do right by our kids and do better from where we came. And, yeah, it's so amazing. And there are all these little communities popping up. I mean, that's the most exciting thing because that's what makes this all sustainable. You know? And I'm so proud of you. I mean, you set you set a really high thermostat setting for your family, you know, and that your son and any future children just get to know this as normal is a really big deal. It's a really big deal. And I don't I don't know what will happen in our kids' lifetime, you know, of of of what we're doing. I don't know how far collectively the middle the needle will move or not. But, you know, I always just return to, like, my family. Like, what am I doing in my family, and how am I increasing the health of my marriage, increasing the health and consciousness of my household? And that will radiate out. You know? And my my primary focus is on the thermostat setting for my household, and that is, I think, the most revolutionary thing we can do. You know? It's like, focus focus on your family. Focus there first and foremost. It doesn't matter beyond
Speaker 4
that. Outside.
Speaker 0
Yeah. So many people are, like, focused on these, you know, big planetary issues of nonprofits and humanitarian stuff, but their marriage is shit, or they're they're disconnected from their kids. And it's like, okay. It's just far more effective if we start tree trunk out. And, again, that requires enormous intention and maturity and consciousness and skillfulness, and, I mean, it's all inside out work.
Speaker 4
But it's all like you said, we all have the tools available for it. I do believe that.
Speaker 0
Alright. Well, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations.
Speaker 4
Mhmm. Thank you, Emilee. Thank you so much.
Speaker 0
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below, and, of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the good word of sovereign birth. Don't forget, you can watch our podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories, and you'll also find our viral free birth collection of epic raw birth videos on our YouTube. Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out all about it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and, of course, our annual women's gathering, the matriarch rising festival. Our exclusive private vetted membership, The Lighthouse, is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life. Together, we rise sisters. We must speak our stories, fully claim our lives and support one another. This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our gorgeous Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 2
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. Magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored, eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding, the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging out babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons all your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star.
