Speaker 0
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Speaker 1
Into the wild, I'm going. Into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom challenge since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I hid. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 2
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya. It's been
Speaker 1
a wild freedom change
Speaker 0
Women, it is twenty twenty five, which means it is time for you to take your place in the sovereign birth movement. I am thrilled to announce that our absolutely groundbreaking, life changing, consciousness shifting, super popular program, the Radical Birthkeeper School is now open for enrollment. This is your chance. We run the Radical Birthkeeper School once a year, so now is the time to jump in. You love this podcast. You're obsessed with birth. You want a better world for women and families. So here it is. I am inviting you to join the eight hundred and fifty women from over thirty countries who have taken this program and now are confidently bringing this work forward, protecting the sacredness of birth, being an option so desperately needed for mothers and babies. From women brand new to birth to curious mothers pregnant with their first child to disillusioned midwives and doulas, even OB GYNs and nurses, women are flocking to this new paradigm of birth consciousness and the Radical Birthkeeper School is the gateway. The RBK School is the place to gain the language and the knowledge to communicate and step into the sovereign birth paradigm with confidence. If you feel the call, answer it by taking your place in the RBK School. Head over to w w w dot radical birthkeeper school dot com today to preview the full curriculum, hear from our many graduates, and learn more. Mentorship, sisterhood, lifetime access, the knowledge, wisdom, and guidance you need to take your place in the sovereign birth revolution all totally unlocked. Be the change, join us, radicalbirthkeeperschool dot com. Every now and then a product comes along that our entire family can't get enough of, and lately it's masa chips. Delicious chips made the way food was meant to be. Just three simple ingredients, organic corn, salt, and beef tallow. No seed oils, no fillers, no ultra processed garbage, just real whole food that nourishes rather than depletes. What we put into our bodies matters. It affects our energy, our mood, our resilience, and yet the food industry today is completely disconnected from what's real and nourishing. Just like birth, food is one of the most powerful ways to claim sovereignty over our bodies. And, it's no surprise that a sovereign birthing family is who makes these chips. When you snack, snack on something real. Go to masa chips dot com slash discount slash free birth society, and use code free birth society for twenty percent off your first order. Welcome, Eve.
Speaker 3
Thank you.
Speaker 0
Nice to have you here. Yeah. It's been a minute. You were in RBK many years ago. It feels like now. Yeah. And I'm just excited to hear your full story as it has as it has shaped up for you. So just take us to the beginning. Who are you as you become a
Speaker 3
mother? Yeah. Yeah. My name is Eve. I'm from Finland. I was was at the RBK school round spring round twenty one. But my journey as a mother started when I met my husband about ten years ago. I always knew that I want to be a mother. I was nursing my my, dolls and everything. I was really I really wanted to have a lot of children, and then I fell in love. And we were we were in different countries for the first year. But when when he when he moved to Finland, we knew that we wanna get pregnant pretty soon. And I was, twenty five at that time, and I thought I was gonna get pregnant, like, right away. It was quite quite shocking to experience two two and a half years of not getting pregnant. But when I finally did, I was really happy. I wasn't at all aware of, like, anything other than the normal route to go to the prenatal care and then give birth in the hospital. And I had a nice, easy pregnancy. I was really, really excited. And it was the last month of my pregnancy when I heard about actually, I heard about home birth here in Finland, and but I was like, no. That's not for me. I don't have the time, and I could never do it. But I got interested in preparing myself in some way, and I ended up in taking a hypnobirthing course, which gave me a lot of interesting new new information at that time about preparing myself, and I actually had a great birth, as I thought. That time, after the birth, I was well well prepared. I thought I wanna have an unmedicated birth. I thought it would be, like for me, it meant, like, a natural birth in house in the hospital. And I got it. It was really fast. It was easy, I thought. I was really surprised. I was like, oh, no. I I didn't know that birth can be this fun. You know, I I had only heard all the horror stories, and I didn't expect it to be that great. But the mothering journey in the beginning was really hard for me. It's it was like, like, now when I reflect on that, I know that I had a nice and easy birth, and then I just somehow panicked and sabotaged myself. And I couldn't breastfeed, and everything went really, really bad in the first weeks and the first months. But I still loved my experience, to give birth, and it felt really interesting to me. I wanted to learn more about birth.
Speaker 0
So knowing knowing what you know now, what do you think went down that prevented the breastfeeding?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I've I've analyzed that a lot, and I know exactly why. I just, I guess I just went the mainstream road. I went to the prenatal care. I got all the fear fearmongering about the weight of the baby. I just panicked. I I really I really feel like I just didn't have the right support at that time. I didn't have the confidence. I was, like, really prepared for the birth, and I thought that, yay. I did it. I got it. And and I somehow, maybe I thought I manifested it myself. And then with the breastfeeding, I just lost all my all my confidence. It's just so so weird to think about it, how how in panic I was. I had no no community around me. I had no friends with with babies, and no it was a whole different time for me. Now I have so many women around me, and I I'm so supported and could have been really really different. But then I was just yeah.
Speaker 0
Okay. So that happens. And then what do you wanna say about, you know, moving us into your next baby?
Speaker 3
Yeah. So the first year was tough, but I in the months, I just got some kind of hold on the mothering. And I think after the first year, I was like, okay. I'm the mother of this baby, and I had grown to be the mom I I wanted to be. And, yeah, I read everything about birth. I ended ended up learning about home birth, and I at the beginning, it was quite funny. I was like, yeah. Next time, I could give birth at home, but, it's, free to give birth in the hospital. So I will just do it in the hospital next time as well. And it's so funny to look back at the process, and it gives me so much, like, understanding for other women to to see my own own route as well, how it how it went and what was the process. So after the first year, I was quite sure that I will give breath at home. And I kept reading and kept reading and kept learning about birth. And then, my daughter was one and half years old, and I heard about free birth about a Finnish woman, Maria, who's also been to this podcast, and then I heard about your podcast. It was the first way to learn about the stories of other women. And I remember the specific moment I it's such a big moment in my life. It's it's like that huge light bulb moment when I was, we hadn't talked about getting another child yet, but we knew that we wanna get, get more children. When I was listening to your podcast, it was the first episode I listened to, and it was about, the history of birth and about all the all the, horrible stuff they do in the hospital. And it was like, you could just give birth at home by yourself. And I was like, oh my god. This is the truth about birth. I it just hit me. I was like, oh my god. This is the truth. And I was so excited. I listened to many episodes and then told everything to my husband. I was like, yeah. I've learned this. I wanna have a baby. I want a free birth. And he was like, okay. Let's do it. And then, two weeks later, I was pregnant. It happened so fast. So this was the pregnancy I I, where I lost my baby. It was really intuitive. It was, I really took the wild pregnancy seriously. I was like, I don't even take any tests or or anything. I I have done that later, but in my later pregnancies. But that time, I was like, I don't take any tests. I want this to be as wild as possible, as intuitive as possible. And when I got pregnant, I just slowly learned that I'm pregnant. And that baby I felt that baby really strongly. I felt really connected to her, and it was such an amazing initiation to my, like, new new kind of motherhood where I trust my instincts and and just live my life. But there's also funny parts in that pregnancy where I called the prenatal care services, and I was like, yeah. I wanna book a time, and I want a wild pregnancy. They were like, okay. We are we are booking you all the scans and all the tests. And so I just processed that, and I never went there. So I just stayed stayed out and kept going on with my pregnancy. And at the time, the first first couple of months, I was thinking about having a doula. I knew that there was not gonna be a midwife, but I was thinking thinking about one one doula. But at one point, I just knew that I wanna do it by myself. I think I was in a process somehow still because, all went well. But then at around twenty eight weeks maybe, I started bleeding a little. I had some weird discard. I didn't know what that was. Discharge. And then at thirty thirty weeks, I I started contracting for couple of days quite intensely so that I really had to focus on them, and I was really confused. I was like, it's not gonna she can't be born yet. It's, like, two months until my my birthing season. So one evening, I, I went to labor. I think I didn't realize it that time, but I started contracting really painfully. And in comparison to my first birth, I didn't have any painful painful contractions before I started pushing, so it was really different and quite painful, and I was really confused. And then I made the choice to now looking back, I would have just stayed at home, but that that point, I was like, okay. I'll live next to the hospital. I just walk there and and, go get checked. And I I went there. They didn't have any any record of me being pregnant or anything. They were really, really confused, and they wanted to have an ultrasound. And then I was like, yeah. Let let's do it. I just wanna know what's going on. I know that something is wrong. And when they did took the ultrasound, they they were really worried. The doctors came to me, and they were like, your baby is not okay. She has a really big head and really, tiny body, so she's there's something wrong with her. And they were really, really, they didn't understand how it's possible that I didn't I hadn't have any ultrasounds before, but that was the first one, and I didn't believe them. I I I was like, no. My baby's fine, and I was in a shock probably. And I was saying that I I'm gonna go back home, and I'm I'm not gonna stay here. I don't want any medication. I don't want anything. I'm just gonna go back home. But I stayed in the hospital, and and they started started to talk about, like, we have to give steroids and stuff for the lungs and everything if if she will be born now way too early. And I was like, no. No. I I'm not gonna I don't want to. I wanna go home. But then I ended up into the they they were just it was like a room full of panic. They were ripping clothes off me. They were putting hospital gown on me and putting all the drugs and IV and everything. And then they started talking about c section that there's no other way you could not you couldn't possibly give to a birth to a baby that it's a head up and has a huge head, and you could never give birth birth to that baby. And I was like, no. I was gonna give birth at home, and it was like, they were like, no way. And then it's the last fifteen minutes where I I was just hoping for the contractions to stop and so that I could go back. But they went on and on and on, and I as I know now that I have really fast births, it was progressing really fast, and the baby was going to be born really soon. So yeah. I didn't even remember to call my husband. It was also, like, quick and shocking. And then then they told me that, okay. You are ten centimeters now. You're gonna die if you let that baby come out. You're gonna die. And there was a female doctor, the surgeon, I think. She was, like, shouting at me. She was in panic. She was I was like, let me give birth, but she was in panic. Then I called my husband that I'm here at the hospital, and the baby's gonna be born now.
Speaker 0
So she was still alive at this point in the story?
Speaker 3
She was alive. She was born alive. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 0
Did he make it to the surgery? No. That's intense.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It happened really fast. They were shouting at me. I still try to stay in their birthing room so that I could give birth to my baby, and I was laying on my back. And then they just waited for me to say yes so that they could drag me to the or take their carriage to the next door to the OR. Yeah. Next
Speaker 0
door. Whole the whole premise here, the reason there was so much speed to this was because you were progressing so quickly. Your baby was coming, and they wanted to interrupt the baby coming out of your vagina because they made up a story that you would die if you birth this baby.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 0
That's the premise of all of this. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. That's that's it. And, also, that they didn't know the condition of the baby, so they thought that she might die as well. They were still trying to save baby thirty weeks, and that that she has her head is so huge that maybe either of you would neither of you would survive that birth. So then I was like, okay. Just just take me. And it wasn't an emergent emergency c section, but it was, like, a so urgent that they did this vertigo cut. It happened really fast. I was, like, half half past six, I was in the hospital, and half past seven, they cut her out. So I was there only for an hour.
Speaker 0
Why do you why do you say it wasn't an emergency, but they did the vertical cut? Like, what what in what do you mean? What is the distinction in your mind of how it wasn't an emergency?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I don't know. I I thought at first when it happened and after it, I thought it was an emergency c section, but I wasn't, like, put to sleep. So that's how they
Speaker 0
do time you had time to do the epidural?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. So they did the the epidural. Yeah. Exactly. And I had just some kind of sedative or something.
Speaker 0
Did they ever tell you why they did the vertical cut?
Speaker 3
No. I I really I I had no idea why they did that. I I never ended up asking or I just thought at first that it was an emergency. I thought it was, like, when it's vertical, it's an emergency c section, but then some people told me that you weren't put to sleep, so it wasn't. But still, it was, in here yeah.
Speaker 0
Sorry. Look. I mean, here's the thing. Emergency is subjective. What is emergency? That's just someone deciding that, and there's no universal rule about what an emergency c section looks like. When, let's say, emergency c section is called, it is common. Obviously, the the point of it is get baby out ASAP. So knocking mom out, she doesn't have time for the epi, sometimes doing the vertical incision, but not always. That yeah. There's no there's no universal rule here, but, also, this could just be this doctor's style. You know? Like, they knew that they were putting you on the C section track long enough to do the epidural, but it seems like from what you've shared, they did think it was an emergency mostly because they didn't want the baby to come out of your vagina, which it was about she was about to do, it sounds like. But, you know, there's no one way that classifies an emergency. So but what's interesting about this is it really could have just been how this maybe this is like an old school doctor. Maybe she wanted to practice her vertical incision. Maybe. I mean, there's so much possibility here that really has very little to do with you. And, also, I'm sure in their minds, they all thought it was some form of an emergency, Not based on anything being wrong, it sounds like, but more so that you had the nerve to birth your baby fast.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting to to think about because I I have thought about a question that why why they they normally do, horizontal Mhmm. Like, cut, but now they didn't. It it's yeah. I didn't know why.
Speaker 0
But, again, who knows what this doctor does?
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 0
Maybe she learned vertical and that's her preference and no one has told her not to do it. I mean, it could it could actually be such a wide range of you know, they get to do whatever they want. And under the guise of emergency, they definitely get to do whatever they want Yeah. As we know. Yeah. Okay. So then what happens?
Speaker 3
Yeah. In that panicky situation. Yeah. So I was in the operation room, and, yeah, I was laying there, and I was awake. And it's so horrible to describe, but it's like, I didn't feel any cut, anything. It went like it was fine, but I felt when they put their hands inside me and they started to like, I felt that the baby was so tied in there that I was like, she's not she was in no way coming out of that, like, in that way. And they I felt it felt so horrible. They were just, like, pulling her out as really, like, as strong as they can. And then I started hearing this like, it sounded to me like this really psychopathic, like, comments. Like, congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. And I was like, okay. Where's my baby? And then they were, congratulations. And then my baby was gone, and I didn't see her. I didn't hear her. I, I didn't. And I think it was like this congratulations. Congratulations. It was horrible. Then the next thing I hear in about maybe ten ten to fifteen minutes that, yes, your baby was taken to the to the NICU, I think. And your husband is there, And, she's alive. She's still alive, but we have done everything we can to to to help her survive, but she's we can't do anything. So it's it's over. But she's still alive, and do you want do you want her? Do you want her? And I was like, yes. I want my baby. Bring her to me as fast as you can. So my husband came with the baby. I think this was all in these, like, rooms next to each other, so he came right away. And he was, like, shaking his head that like, at that point, I really knew that baby wasn't okay. Like, until that point, I still had some because I had so little trust to the system, I still thought that they just took a baby out of me, which wasn't ready to come out. Then I got her here up up in my on my skin, and I saw her I saw her tiny eyes were still open, and I heard her taking last few breaths really, like, slow and really hard, and then she she died.
Speaker 0
Thank god she passed with you and on you. What a just what a special important moment she got to have with you.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It was really special. I'm so grateful for that that I got to hold her, and I heard her take her last breath. And my husband got to see him right away after the birth, and he got to look her in the eye. Yeah. That was the moment my, like, my lion mother woke up in me. I was like, I'm never gonna give this baby away. I always do what they tell me to do, but this time, I I don't. I hold her for the I held her for the next twenty four hours. I didn't give her to anybody because they wanted to even when when they were taking me from the OR to like, in the OR, from one bed to another bed, they tried to take the baby from me. I was like, I can hold my baby, and you can move me. It's it's fine. And And then I was moved to to the room, and this was in the evening, so we slept the night with the baby. And in the morning, they came to the room, like, we wanna take some pictures of the baby, and I was like, no. I'm not giving her still not giving her. And, yeah, we had time. We we had we stayed twenty four hours with with our baby. And in the evening, she started to feel quite cold and all that. So then I was ready to give her give her away.
Speaker 0
What's her name?
Speaker 3
Hilma. Yeah. It's actually in a her birthday is in three days, so this is the time it happened four years ago.
Speaker 0
And was there was there something physically clearly, like, off about her?
Speaker 3
Yeah. It was, quite a relief then to learn that she was really that ill, that she couldn't have survived. Mhmm. She had some we did test like, we did let them do the testing to her, and she had just a random chromosome
Speaker 0
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Work mix up so that, she they were really, really surprised that she had lived in the womb for that long. Mhmm. Like, usually, that's kind of like, she had so many, like, nothing had been shaped probably probably in her body so that they were really amazed that she had lived that long. And I, for me, that pregnancy was, like, when I got over the the worst like, the biggest shock, I was like, it was all about my wild pregnancy. I I didn't know anything. I enjoyed my pregnancy. I was so connected to the baby. It was really blissful time, and I was so grateful that I didn't know anything. I I know that I wouldn't have done anything to end her life because, yeah, I I wouldn't have, but it was still really I was really grateful that I didn't know anything because it was, like then she could stay for for how long she wanted to.
Speaker 0
Mhmm. And she could have a complete life cycle. You know, this is such an important part because in modern times with obstetrics, you know, most pregnancies are being tested for genetic defects disorders. And, you know, when discovered, termination is suggested, is the expectation. And and even for the women who discover this through obstetrical technology and then choose to continue the pregnancy, their pregnancy will be full of so much stress and pain and anger and grief and and fracture, you know, because they're still going in for the scans. They're they're a part of the whole thing. You know, I I'm sure there's of course, there's a wide spectrum of what women do. But in my experience, if you're having a pregnancy in the system and you discover anything off about the baby, you have now set up a really, really stressful, overwhelming, scary pregnancy. And and from what I've seen, women report feeling deep disconnection from their baby, even disgust of having a baby inside them that they know won't, you know, live long or that might be, you know, different. Anyway, it's just it's really dark, actually. It's a really dark path and painful. And and, of course, losing a baby, you're not gonna get out of the darkness and the grief. Like, it's coming for you eventually. But you speaking to this, like, that you will always have thirty weeks of a perfect life with her. You know, you will always have that in how reverent of a memory that keeps for her in your family. It's so precious and and so honorable. You know? And and and it's all in hindsight, obviously, but there is this ignorance, this bliss thing with a wild pregnancy that is so precious. And I see it play out in various forms all the time. That's like even something not tragic, but something still crazy, like twins, Women having surprise twins, they're like, thank god I didn't know because I would have maybe shifted off my plan or I would have been stressed out and just getting to receive the second baby and come into that reality. You know, there's so many examples of the ignorance is bliss thing. But, anyway, yeah, I just really admire your what's the right way to say this? Like, it was so it was so perfect for you to do it that way for this baby. And sometimes we only learn things in hindsight. Right? But you really gave her a gift to just let her be perfect for her life.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. It was such a beautiful pregnancy, and I I really feel that way that because I didn't know I really could enjoy my my time with her. And I remember when I shared this story in the RPK school, and you told me it was the first time I hear heard about that. You told me that, yeah, she had a complete life. She had a full circle, and it's such a beautiful thought. I've carried it ever since. And and, also, I feel like with the wild pregnancy and with with, like, learning to be in the mystery the whole pregnancy until the end also made it made the loss for me so much easy easier. I was, like, already I already somehow accepted that anything can happen, and I didn't have any, like which having a wild pregnancy, you just think everything's gonna go perfect. It it wasn't like that. I I was prepared for for anything. Yeah. If if only I would have stayed at home and it would have happened completely at home, but, yeah, then I wouldn't have this experience.
Speaker 0
Yeah. But I understand. You know? So I do know some women who stay home at thirty weeks, and they understand their baby, you know, may die from that choice, and and I think most of them would transfer if they felt like the baby was trying to survive. But I also understand at thirty weeks going to the hospital, hoping that there may be something they can offer you because some babies will have a better chance with the technology there. The irony is that some babies will die because of the technology, so there is no one way. Right? There's only what we choose. Yeah. What a big experience. And your first child was only a year and a half.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. It was yeah. She was two at that time. Yeah.
Speaker 0
Two. So how does that shape you? Big question. But how does that shape you and and then take us into your next child?
Speaker 3
Yeah. At first, I was like, was I completely crazy for having a wild pregnancy? But quickly, it shifted so that I was really grateful for that. And, yeah, we came home, and my daughter came home, and she was like, where's the baby? And my, breast started leaking. I they offered me this, like, medication for not getting your milk upcoming in the hospital, but I didn't take it. And then because I didn't breastfeed my first one, it was really healing for me already because I didn't even have a baby, and my milk was coming in. And, yeah, there was a I really feel that, Hilma made, her short visit in in this life with us was, yeah, one of the biggest biggest things that had ever happened to me, and I was like a great pause for me in my life. And I actually had two jobs at that time, which I then both quit and stayed at home with my two year old, which I wanted to do. And, there was one conversation one, like, serious conversation with my husband that if, do we want to know if it's, like, if she inherited that from one of us or it was completely random? And then then we decided that we don't want to know that she we knew what she had, but we we don't need to know if it's gonna possibly happen again or not. And I really wanted to get pregnant really fast, but we wanted to wait for a couple of months because of the c section. And yeah, so before my third pregnancy, I I took RBK school, and as I told, I quit my jobs, and I started my own little business around birth. And, yeah, RBK school was spring twenty one, and then the next fall, I got pregnant. And I knew that I wanna have a wild pregnancy again. There was no question. I knew that I'm gonna free birth. There was no question. I felt like what happened with Hilma had prepared me so well that I didn't have a lot of lot of like, there was no question what I'm gonna do, but it was still really hard. It was so hard in the beginning. Like, I was so afraid of it happening again, and still I I knew that if I would ever go back to the hospital, like, yes, I'm now pregnant, They would they told me in the hospital when we left that next time you get pregnant, you come immediately. We do some gene testing, and you wanna know if this will happen again. And I was like, okay. I'm never never gonna do that. There's this, like, a placental biopsy thing where they put the needle to and there's a great risk of miscarriage there, and I was I would never do that.
Speaker 0
So you had a wild pregnancy with your third child?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Wow. Completely wild. Except this time, I took a pregnancy test in the beginning. It Doesn't change things. But, no, I I didn't go anywhere. No. No. I need
Speaker 0
You were you were just willing to deal with your fear and your worry and all the normal things that would come up after having not just a loss, but a loss with chromosomal, abnormalities. You know, that's a whole another, yeah, layer to this, of course. That's a big deal.
Speaker 3
That's a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah. It was. And I was really scared from time to time, but I knew that if I it was like I was scared. I was worried sometimes if it's gonna happen again. I just let that worry be, and I was like, if if it's if I have to do it again, I will do it again. There's nothing I can do to prevent it, so I may just as well enjoy this this pregnancy too.
Speaker 0
Well, that's really, an important point too, I think, for women to think on because, you know, all this genetic testing and and all of that, I guess, yeah, if you find something out and you wanna terminate the pregnancy, okay, you know, whatever. Do whatever is right for you in your life. But if you aren't going to do that, what's the point of knowing? Then you're just adding serious stress and and, you know, gosh, a whole a whole bank of things, which I think is such an important point. I mean, it it makes sense to me logically if you're gonna do something different with the information. Okay. Whatever. Yeah. But I just really appreciate that perspective because knowing that you would allow any baby that comes to you and through you to complete their life cycle, then why then why stress yourself out? Why over complicate it?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. It was really just going back to all the time to the trust and to doing what I want to do. I just want to live my life and yeah. So it it was quite tempting at one at some point, like, around twenty weeks maybe to if I just get one ultrasound, then I would know everything is okay. Then, it would be a relief, and I don't have to stress that anymore. But I just couldn't go. I didn't want to go. So it was I just had to had to deal with with my fears. And I really
Speaker 0
You you make a really good point around because of the wild pregnancy, you had to contend with the possibility of death. And, therefore, when you actually were surprisingly faced with it, you were better equipped. And this is a very good point because when women go into the system and some random stranger tells them your baby's healthy and great, then when their baby dies two months later or during birth, it's incredibly I mean, it's always disorienting, of course. I don't think it ever is not disorienting to some degree, but if you have been outside sourcing a lie, really, because someone can't actually tell you your baby is okay, they can tell you your baby is okay. They can tell you that our test didn't show blank, or this ultrasound shows a heartbeat, or this ultrasound, I think that you know, if they were speaking honestly, I think I see four limbs. You know, side note, I I've had clients in the system that, you know, were reported that all limbs were there and then were born without an arm. Like, you know, it's like, come on. You know? It's none of it is real. It's smoke and mirrors. They can't actually tell you shit. And the entire premise is based on that they can, and so women walk around with this totally false sense of security. And we're not doing women any favors with that because then when they do interact with loss, when they do interact with, an early birth, they're totally not prepared. They've never even considered it. Right? Whereas with a woman in a wild pregnancy, she's thinking about it all the time. She's contending with it all the time because no one can tell her, and she's not going anywhere for anyone to tell her anything about her baby. There is only what she thinks, what she feels, what she senses, what she worries about, what she you know, what whatever's going on for her is all of her information, which is really heady, very confronting. But I think for most women you know, I wanna say all, but I can't speak in absolutes, but I think most women who choose to birth outside the system and to not engage in, you know, the the circus of obstetrics do at some point sit with, I don't actually know. I don't actually know what will happen. I don't know if my baby will survive. I don't know if my baby's okay. Alright. Take it one day at a time. See what happens. And there's an inherent surrender in that that does resource you deeper if your story winds up with a loss. That is so powerful. Yeah. It's such a big deal. And, you know, you know, I worked in the system for so long, and, know, of course, I saw just as much loss in the system as I do outside the system. But those women, men, they they had never even considered. They had never even thought about it because they had outsourced all of their, you know, all of their sense of security. They didn't have to generate it from within. It's a big deal.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. I love it in wild pregnancy that you just you just don't know. You just have to accept it. No one can promise you anything. Of course, no one can never promise you anything. So it's
Speaker 0
So tell me about your free birth.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So the fears in the pregnancy, I got through them. It wasn't that bad anymore after the thirty weeks or thirty one weeks when when Hilma was, born. So the last couple of months was just being so excited waiting for the birth to happen, and I actually had I thought she was gonna be born in at thirty seven, thirty eight weeks because I had so many so much sensations all the time. She was actually actually born in exactly forty weeks, which is so funny, but she did. And, yeah, I didn't know everything was okay until I got her in my arms, and she was perfect and healthy. And, yeah, I was gonna give birth at home just with, with my my husband there, and I was quite sure that it would happen at night. I I just thought it it's gonna happen at night. And I was I was awake at night always at at half past two, and then she was born at half past two, which is yeah. Some say that it's a you can really sometime times it happens that yeah. But, anyway, my daughter was sleeping. There were a couple of evenings where I had some stronger sensations, and I thought maybe this night she will be born. But then I woke up in the morning, and she was not there yet. And then there was one day where we we we met up with some friends in the city in the playground with small children, and my friend was laughing at me. I was not there anymore. I was in completely different place really strongly in the birthing bubble already, but nothing happened in the evening. We just went to bed and slept for I slept for two hours, and then I woke up in the night at one o'clock. And I felt some some sensations. And my husband was sleeping, and my daughter was sleeping. And I I stood up from the bed, and then then I felt strong sensations. And they weren't painful in any way, but they were strong. And then I just knew that it's happening. And I was leaning on the kitchen counter, and I was laughing. I was giggling. I was like, oh, it's happening. I was so so happy, so excited, and I really enjoyed just being alone. I was like, I had one hospital birth and one c section, like, experience, and I was just so happy that I don't have to think about anything. I can just be here and let it happen. I loved it. It yeah. It was so so nice to just be there and feel feel the sensations and because I had a quite fast breaths or breath before, I I expected it to be quite fast, but it then progressed, like, so fast. I after one hour of these nice sensations, I went back to bed, and then I took my husband's hand and, like, grabbed it really tight. Like, okay. Now I would maybe want him to wake up and be with me. So he woke up, opened his eyes, and heard me. I was making some some noise at that point so that, yeah, he knew that, okay, she's in labor right now. And then the water splashed into the bed, like, everything at once. So I ran to the toilet. I was there for for the rest of the time, which was really short, about twenty, twenty five minutes. So I sat on the toilet, and I felt that I want to push. So I pushed. It was so enjoyable because I so one thing I remember so, like, such a nice part in my birth because in the hospital, I was always told don't push or when to push and all that all that. So I pushed, and then I was just I want to feel myself, so I I, I felt her head. And I was, oh my god. She's coming. And my husband was just cleaning the bed, which was full of, like, this, the water. And then he came to the bathroom door, and I felt like her head is emerging. So I stepped down to the shower, and I told my husband to I need some warm water. I didn't have any pool or anything. I didn't want to. There was no space, but I just wanted to go to the shower and want to have some warm water to help the burn burn. So he helped me. And then I was like, oh, okay. The baby is coming. You have to take some pictures. He put the lights on and started taking pictures, and baby's head came out and head was out. It was quite intense. And then I felt her rotate or it felt really tight and but then the body just came out. And I was so relieved. I was so relieved. And so I don't know. After after all I had experienced and after all the, like, forty weeks of wild pregnancy, I just she was finally there, and it was it was amazing. Yeah. I saw saw her. She's alive. Okay. She looks healthy. Looks normal. She has her cord around her, like, around her neck and also around her, like, body. A little bit they're really tight, so I just I had to work to get her get that, like, of her. And she was quite, she was silent. Her head was like, her the rest of her body was already quite pink, but her head was blue, and she had, like, a white mask, like, on her face. And for a while, I was like, what what what what do I need to call some emergency, like, now? Then I was just breathing, and I was just looking at her and just, like it just crossed my mind, but then I get back to to the baby and see what's going on in there, and then she started crying and turned completely pink. And it was a moment of relief. She was completely here. Yeah. So it was about ten, fifteen minutes when I then she was okay, and then I checked. Oh, she's a girl. My husband had seen it, but he knew. I guess I had told him more. He just knew that he's not gonna say anything, so I I discovered that she's a girl. And then we woke up. Big sister. She was almost four at that point. Here's your little sister, and I gave birth to the placenta. I just wanted it out right away, so I just swatted. And I had a bowl, and the placenta was out. And I was still sitting in the bathroom floor when I when she started breastfeeding for the first time. It was really really tight and really, like, she started right away, and I was really, really happy about that. Yeah. So it was half past two in the night night. We went to the bed. The placenta was in the in in the bowl, in in a sieve and then on a bowl, and we all went to to the bed. My husband fell asleep, and we started we we all slept until the morning. Then we woke up as a family of four. It was incredible.
Speaker 0
So how has this birth changed you or shaped you as a woman?
Speaker 3
I felt like I felt like I I I was I wasn't sure if I am capable of it. Like, I wasn't sure. There was no guarantee for me. But after I had done it, I was like, yeah. I didn't know, but I now I know that I can do it, and I did it. It was like for our whole family, it was it was so healing. It was like I had waited for it for so long, and then I had finally finally done it. I was just it was in the middle of the summer. It was really warm. I was just walking around and showing my, like, my baby is here, and I was so so happy and so proud and so excited. It's like, she's two and two little over two now, and it's all all been so always so easy and natural with her. And all like, breastfeeding and everything was so easy and never took her anywhere. It's, like, completely different way than with my first one.
Speaker 0
Well, thank you. Why don't you tell anyone interested, especially women in your country, how they can find you, work with you, listen to your podcast, anything you wanna share?
Speaker 3
Yeah. We have a beautiful women's community here in Finland for other women who are interested in home birthing and free birthing. And my podcast, in Finnish, you can find it through my website and Spotify, and Instagram.
Speaker 0
Yeah. Thank you.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Proud of you. Joy. Thank you.
Speaker 0
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below and, of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the good word of sovereign birth. Don't forget, you can watch our podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories, and you'll also find our viral free birth collection of epic raw birth videos on our YouTube. Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out all about it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and, of course, our annual women's gathering, the matriarch rising festival. Our exclusive private, vetted membership, ship, The Lighthouse, is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life. Together, we rise sisters. We must speak our stories, fully claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution, and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our gorgeous Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging out babes. Babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention, death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star. Wild woman, she still lives in the high. Wild woman, from you, I will not hide. They could not bend
