00;00;00;04 - 00;00;28;12
Unknown
Part of the drama that has gone down in our life in the last year has so much to do with putting it out there to my platform. Lets start community and calling in strangers. The spoiler alert as it is in havoc. Epic fail on all accounts. Welcome to season nine. This is going to be an intimate view into my life.
00;00;28;13 - 00;00;55;21
Unknown
This year was a doozy. This pregnancy has been such a catalyst for change, growth, and decimation. There were days where Jonny would feed the kids and then come into the room, and all of us would sit on the bed while I would eat, laying on my side. I couldn't even bear the sit up. So dramatic. I felt so bad.
00;00;55;21 - 00;01;13;08
Unknown
I thought 2025 was going to be so chill. Just as I started to get my bearings in the physicality of this pregnancy, a huge plot twist goes down.
00;01;13;10 - 00;01;43;20
Unknown
Hi everyone, welcome to season nine. I'm so happy to be here with all of you opening up another season of the Free Birth Society podcast. I am recording this at the very, very end of my pregnancy as our family prepares to welcome our third child into our arms. I recorded a lot of this season's episodes in this past month, so I just need you to excuse the groaning, the complaining, the burping, the weird breathing, and all the fun into pregnancy stuff.
00;01;43;20 - 00;02;10;12
Unknown
But on the bright side, I can assure you that we have some really inspiring stories for you this season and the combos just keep getting deeper and deeper. Please keep me and my family and this sweet baby in your prayers as I am called into the birth portal. It will be any day or week now, so it's extra sweet to be here with you all recording this on the brink of my life, epically changing and expanding yet again.
00;02;10;19 - 00;02;41;15
Unknown
2025 wound up so far being a pretty big year for me in many surprising ways, and it's only halfway through. But what I thought was going to be a very stable, very simple year asked for considerable work and growth from me and my business and in the vision of my family. So because of this, I have decided to open this season with a bit of a two part tell all with my two best friends.
00;02;41;15 - 00;03;21;07
Unknown
First, my beloved husband Jonny, doing our 40 week wrap up that we've done with both of the other babies. And then the second episode will be with Yolande, my creative work partner, who I have three programs under my company, Free Birth Society. So as always, I am showing up exactly as I am totally imperfect, committed, interested in self-reflection and growth, and in a near constant state of humility, inspiration, and using what life brings to me and asks of me to cultivate a wider capacity for joy, love, forgiveness, and connection.
00;03;21;09 - 00;04;02;25
Unknown
I've grown a lot these past two seasons of the year and truly stand in awe of my life and what is around and before me, as I have the privilege to be welcoming a third child into the world with my beloved. As I moved towards my 40th birthday at the end of the year, as the fruits of my enormous effort with FBS continue to grow and provide, as I watch my children thrive in such health and happiness, and as I find myself surrounded with such high caliber, brilliant, wise, supportive people holding my family and me as a woman, and I know this to be true.
00;04;03;00 - 00;04;32;02
Unknown
When you are committed to turning your shit your compost into rich soil, that becomes the lessons, the fertilizer of your life. The only way is up. So in these next two episodes, you will hear of my heartache, my challenges. You will hear me speak candidly of my failures, to which there are many. And I trust that you will hear some alchemist lessons that hopefully can be applied to your life as well.
00;04;32;04 - 00;04;58;06
Unknown
You know, I don't share a lot about my personal life on this podcast. The intention was always to highlight the stories and voices of other women, and it's been quite a ride learning how to stand in the public arena. You know, people attempting to cancel me, lie about me, discredit me, my work taken out of context, my character constantly called into question and torn apart and criticized.
00;04;58;06 - 00;05;33;19
Unknown
And while I do totally accept that this is what happens when you put yourself out there, yeah, we share a lot in these next two episodes about the growth and work that it has asked of me and us, so we share a lot. Obviously not everything that's not possible, but as I reflected on doing this 40 week pregnancy wrap up like we have for the last two pregnancies, I decided it was important to speak on this show about my failures, about how wrong I did so many things in business and friendship.
00;05;33;23 - 00;05;58;00
Unknown
Since the rapid growth and success of free birth society. You know, partially because I don't hear a lot of ownership out there of failure and the fruits that come with it if you're willing to compost it. So I'm proud. I'm relieved and happy to share that my business is stronger and more stable than ever, as is my marriage and the close relationships of my life.
00;05;58;00 - 00;06;28;20
Unknown
And I feel real appreciation for the fire walk that was asked of me this year to arrive to where I now am. And then in the second episode, Joe and I will share a bit about our MMI rebrand and celebrate enrollment once again. Being open a year later. We've done many great things together over the last eight years, but nothing as truly powerful as our ten month mentorship container, the Mattress Birth Mentor Institute.
00;06;28;20 - 00;07;03;16
Unknown
I am proud to share that 70 women are graduating this month from its first ever run, and we've gotten the feedback, made the changes, and just really trust that this upcoming cohort will be just, if not more powerful and ready for the transformation that our teachings, our tools and mentorship provide. We will be offering an MMI open House and a graduate roundtable to come learn in real time from us and our students, as well as a two part workshop series that we are calling grift.
00;07;03;19 - 00;07;23;21
Unknown
We had to. It is an acronym, and you can participate in that if you particularly if you are newer to what you and I are all about and want to get the vibe before you dive in with us. For those of you who have been waiting for the doors to open once again, go grab your spot. Get ready for a transformational year.
00;07;23;22 - 00;07;46;12
Unknown
Let's do your work and get you ready to truly take your place in the free birth revolution. Just a quick reminder. Also, while we're here that our private, vetted exclusive membership community, The Lighthouse opens doors only four times a year. So if you're looking for real women to make holistic, high vibes relationships with, drop your name on the waitlist.
00;07;46;13 - 00;08;13;19
Unknown
Join us on the inside. I do offer a very limited number of birth trauma integration sessions every month and one on one free birth prep sessions. So if you are ready to unpack your story with someone who really gets it, I'm here for you. And as always, we have our super popular bestselling self-guided program, The Complete Guide to Free Birth, that has been supporting parents to think outside the box and then birth in power since 2018.
00;08;13;19 - 00;08;31;12
Unknown
And if you're just wanting to dip your toe into all this crazy stuff, you can grab my free birth starter kit for free. See what you think. Let's get into season nine. I love that you're here with me, and we've got another powerful season in store for you. Also, shout out to my new podcast production company, The Epic.
00;08;31;12 - 00;08;51;13
Unknown
People over at pottage who have totally up leveled us for this season. Oh, and for those of you waiting anxiously with me for the Free Birth Society book and the free Birth study, it's all happening. Yeah, it's underway. And the best way to keep in the loop with me is just join my newsletter and of course, keep tuning in here.
00;08;51;14 - 00;09;21;27
Unknown
All right, let's go. Season nine. All right, everyone, welcome to season nine. That actually means it's been nine years. Could that possibly be true? Yeah. Wait, I don't think that's. No. Not quite. 2017. You can do the math. Nine seasons. I don't know what that means. 2017. Wait. Okay, now I have to do it. We did it. I did it in 2017, 1819, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25.
00;09;22;04 - 00;09;54;10
Unknown
That actually does make more sense. I'm at the end of my pregnancy. You're going to give me a big pass today because I am still working. I'm still attempting to think I am contracting strongly, which you will hear, I'm sure, during this episode. And I just couldn't think of a better way to kick off this season and have our season premiere be with my beloved third time guest, as he likes to remind me, my husband and soulmate, Jonny.
00;09;54;14 - 00;10;23;17
Unknown
Welcome. Thank you. Honored to be here. The only mail ever allowed. Three times. Three times. There may be a fourth. Yeah. So we'll put in the show notes the first two episodes. You know, I guess third time makes it a tradition. And so with my first pregnancy, we had just landed in Hawaii, where I birthed our daughter, and we thought it would be fun to do a 40 week wrap up.
00;10;23;17 - 00;10;47;15
Unknown
We called it. And so it was essentially a review of the year. And what motivated my reasons for making the choices that I did and how it was for him as the support. And anyway, we just kind of shared about my pregnancy, and then we did it again with our sons. So you can go back on previous seasons and listen to those if you're interested.
00;10;47;17 - 00;11;19;20
Unknown
Yeah. So we had to do it a third time. Now I will say out the gates this year. Who this year was a doozy. Benny and has brought this pregnancy has been such a catalyst for change and growth and decimation. If you read my newsletters, you've probably seen me talk about embodying the Phoenix and that that archetype, you know, that spirit has been with me a lot in this pregnancy.
00;11;19;20 - 00;11;40;06
Unknown
The idea of just burning it down, letting all that does not serve me and my family and my marriage just burn down and rise from the ashes. And so that is really what this episode is going to be about. It's not just going to be about the physicality of this pregnancy. You know, of course it was a wild pregnancy again.
00;11;40;06 - 00;12;02;23
Unknown
That's all I've ever done. In some ways, I don't have a lot to say about the pregnancy or preparation for birth as a third time mother. It's kind of boring. There just isn't much to say topically, as maybe I thought there was in in my first. People have been asking me how I'm preparing and our life is the prep right?
00;12;02;29 - 00;12;27;10
Unknown
And the first two or the prep in the first two? Yeah. And and I mean, I guess there is some stuff to say about my, my prayer of what I hope to achieve the wrong word, but maybe, you know, the level of surrender. And yes, miss, that I really pray to know that I haven't known in my first two years.
00;12;27;10 - 00;12;53;14
Unknown
If you're new to me and the podcast, maybe if you have the time and interest, listen to my other birth stories. Of course, they were very different from each other. My daughters was very long, totally average, but also long, culturally long, 52 hours and it was just a wild ride, but also in many ways not painful, spiritually painful for sure, you know.
00;12;53;15 - 00;13;17;01
Unknown
But not not like our sons, which. Oh my gosh. I mean, four days, that was only six hours. And it was just he and I and our son. And for days I could barely speak. I was in such a state of, I mean, integration, I guess, but the kind of shell shock of, of truly the physicality of how painful it was.
00;13;17;06 - 00;13;39;09
Unknown
And it was great and I did it. And don't let that scare you. You get what you get. And yeah, I just I'm really calling on more gentleness this time, which is an inside out job, right, as all of birth is. So I guess we might get into that a bit, but should we just start from the beginning?
00;13;39;11 - 00;14;06;03
Unknown
Yeah, at the beginning of the year cycle. Well, we got I got pregnant in November. So end of the year, I want you to pull some of the notes that I made out okay. So welcome to season nine. This is going to be an intimate view into my life and my year and my marriage and my family. And then we will get back to the the free birth stories after next week.
00;14;06;03 - 00;14;25;13
Unknown
Next week I have Yolande, my creative partner, on, to do a bit of a tell all that's going to piggyback a lot of what we bring up today, and then we'll get to the free verse stories for the rest of the season. So thank you for being here. And I just I know I say this every single intro and every single end of every season.
00;14;25;14 - 00;14;48;24
Unknown
It is amazing and so wild to me that this is the shape that my life and this movement has taken, and it's because you're here with me. So thank you for your interest of being here and your support. And let's go. Okay, so this is my third pregnancy and this is the first time that I got pregnant on our first try.
00;14;49;01 - 00;15;22;19
Unknown
So to take it one step back, I weaned my son at the end of the summer last year, and then my daughter and I went to Europe and had this France European mother daughter trip that created the ten day weaning for Jonny basically to handle, which went really well. Yeah. And pretty soon after that, we conceived a lot of women asked me how I knew that I was ready to call in another child.
00;15;22;19 - 00;15;46;00
Unknown
So I just wanted to briefly say that for me, what happens that has happened for all three of them is it starts to feel weird to me that the next isn't there. Like it starts to feel like something is missing in our family or in our relationship. And with our first kid, you know, we didn't have a kid yet, so maybe that was a little different.
00;15;46;00 - 00;16;11;18
Unknown
And we planned and organized our lives really for years to create the best possible setup to become parents, which moved off the mainland for the birth, for the birth, but moved out of LA, moved out of L.A.. Yeah, a lot of intention and kind of playing the long game. You know, you hear people in culture say there's no right time, which is such nonsense.
00;16;11;24 - 00;16;31;02
Unknown
You can make the time be right. And so we took a lot of responsibility for that and created a very dream scenario, took a lot of work, took a long time, and we did it. And then I noticed, yeah, that it at some point with our daughter, it just felt like we were missing our son. And so he came.
00;16;31;02 - 00;16;53;14
Unknown
And then that happened again. So I don't know, I think that's kind of interesting. I don't know that everyone would relate to that, but it just felt obvious that our third baby should be here. And so, yeah, first time calling this baby in which I was not expecting to happen. That did not happen with our first two kids, with our daughter.
00;16;53;15 - 00;17;15;16
Unknown
I mean, it only took to two cycles. And then with our son, I think it took 3 or 4. I don't quite remember. Right. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, right away we had gone to Texas to do the Free Birth Society podcast show. Oh yeah, that was fun. And I think it happened there in that sick ass hotel. Yeah, it was nice.
00;17;15;18 - 00;17;40;29
Unknown
Good hotel sex will bring babies. I think that's when it happened. And yeah, before I knew it, my cycle did not come. I decided in this pregnancy to not take a pregnancy test, which I thought was going to be interesting, and it really wasn't. It really. Like you just wait a couple of days and then it's super obvious that you're pregnant.
00;17;41;00 - 00;18;07;22
Unknown
I took probably like nine with our son and then maybe two with our daughter. Anyway, so yeah, I thought it was going to be more something interesting or hard and it really wasn't. I cycle very regularly. We had called in our baby. My blood did not come. That means a pregnancy. And indeed it was. I definitely felt shock in a way that I.
00;18;07;23 - 00;18;30;27
Unknown
I mean, shock is very common and normal, of course, when women discover their pregnant. But it wasn't really that positive, which I was kind of surprised by because I think I was really excited immediately out the gates with the first two. But my life has gotten really big and complicated, and I'm the breadwinner for our family at this point in our in our life.
00;18;30;27 - 00;18;59;02
Unknown
And we have just created so many projects and businesses and was like, made it so complicated. Yeah. So that came up a lot. It also happened on the first try, which we were like, yes, we're ready. Yes. Let's call it in. Oh shit. It happened on the first try. So it's on. It was a funny trips to pose between being ready and then also sort of being surprised that it had happened and not being ready at all.
00;18;59;04 - 00;19;19;03
Unknown
But that's what's nice about the length of a pregnancy is you get ready. You know, it's I think it's very normal to have quite a bit of ambivalence for a long part of the pregnancy. And then, you know, for me, at some point it's like, oh, I think I love this thing moving inside of me. And I think I'm actually excited for this thing that's going to be here.
00;19;19;03 - 00;19;41;00
Unknown
And it takes the time it takes. So yeah, I remember bawling to you on the couch, which I'm not a big crier. I really don't cry very often. I wish I cried more. We should, you know, work on that. But I don't cry very often. And I remember just crying to you. Do you remember that on the couch?
00;19;41;01 - 00;20;09;05
Unknown
Yeah. Just being like, what have I done? Oh my God, how am I going to handle it all? How am I going to juggle it all? You know, really being in a state of fear and scarcity, you know, with, with this very limited belief that is culturally groomed into all of us, right, of scarcity. I mean, it is the actual concept of scarcity, like adding is going to take away and it's not true, and it hasn't been true.
00;20;09;05 - 00;20;34;07
Unknown
And, and babies just bring so much abundance. And it's such an expansion. Right. It's a constant expansion to be mother in that, oh my gosh. In that week or two, I just felt terror and total insecurity and a real like, what have I done? And another scarcity piece to this was which is so backwards, but everything was so great.
00;20;34;08 - 00;20;52;05
Unknown
I remember crying to you being like, I'm going to fuck it up with this third baby. I'm sorry baby Kennedy. Great. You know? Yeah. Just like, oh, I'm going to get it done or I'm gonna I'm going to be overwhelmed or I'm going to fuck it up. And our family is so great and we're so tight and everything's going so well.
00;20;52;08 - 00;21;19;03
Unknown
So it's a real cap. Yeah. Anyway, so that's I just distinctly remember being actually very upset, even though I 100% chose it and I did it fully on purpose. But it's nice to let yourself have a tantrum from time to time. I like it. So yeah, I didn't do a test. That's not interesting. I already feel so. You know, in my body it it just didn't seem necessary.
00;21;19;03 - 00;21;42;04
Unknown
It was not as tempting as I thought it was going to be because, again, you just wait a couple days and then it's extremely obvious that you're pregnant. So yeah. And you were like, no matter what I say, do not go buy a pregnancy test. I wanted to see if it was going to give me something like inner Knowing, which was just that I was writing it.
00;21;42;07 - 00;22;01;20
Unknown
I read something, I can't remember who said this, I wish I could, but a long time ago someone said, or I read it, you take a pregnancy test because you already know you're pregnant like this. Why you take it? Which is not completely true. You could also take it because you want to be pregnant. But I mean, for me, I've certainly taken them because I've known I was pregnant.
00;22;01;20 - 00;22;34;24
Unknown
So anyway, all that's really worth probably mentioning about the first half of my pregnancy. Who is that? I was down, I was so, so down dysfunctional. You know, you said it was similar to my last pregnancy, but I don't I don't remember it being so brutal, I couldn't function. I feel for most of the first half. I mean, just so nauseous.
00;22;34;26 - 00;23;06;10
Unknown
Long nine, ten day stretches of migraines. Oh, not really that exhausted like some women are, but so sick feeling never threw up, ever. I would hang out at, I don't know, 80% or something. Couldn't handle watching anyone eat, couldn't go in the kitchen. Well, just everything was disgusting and, you know, all very, very normal, normal, normal, not interesting pregnancy stuff.
00;23;06;10 - 00;23;45;14
Unknown
And it was awful and I suffered and I was in like the best case situation of a stay at home, you know, amazing partner. You know, my kids were so loving and so sweet with me. I had everything I could possibly have needed, which this is a theme throughout. You know, as I reflect on my pregnancy and this baby coming in, I just I mean, I have so much gratitude for the choices that we've made that have created a scenario where then I can have what I have now, or we can have what we have now.
00;23;45;17 - 00;24;15;15
Unknown
So obviously, I run my own business, actually several businesses and I planned the pregnancy to be in the winter because that is my most chill time. But I still have to work. I mean, I still run stuff and there were days where I felt so sick I couldn't even look at a screen, so much less work. I couldn't even watch a movie or something, which doesn't actually interest me all that much, but you'd think you'd spend your first trimester just fucking off watching a movie or something.
00;24;15;15 - 00;24;40;28
Unknown
And I did not. The only maybe interesting thing to say about this, if you are in this phase right now, is I discovered, reading. Apparently a lot of people read, but I don't read. I haven't read since I dropped out of high school. People do read. Yeah, yeah, like for pleasure. I don't do that. And I couldn't look at a phone.
00;24;40;28 - 00;25;11;25
Unknown
I couldn't look at a TV. I was just laying there miserable days on end. And so somebody recommended the Court of Thorns, I think is the first book. It's a five set, five book set, and it's about fairies and magic and sex and all sorts of fun fantasy stuff. And so I picked it up out of just total desperation, absolutely thinking I would hate it and it would be nonsense.
00;25;11;25 - 00;25;32;09
Unknown
And I went so hard and then read back to back to back to back. I read like 15 faerie porn books in in like two months, three, three months. It was amazing. Oh my gosh, I highly recommend it. It's the perfect thing to do when you just feel like shit and you're hiding from the world and growing a baby.
00;25;32;10 - 00;25;55;23
Unknown
So that's what I did. I just laid in my bed in the back of our house and read these fantasy books, which is so not like me, has never been like me. Couldn't recommend them more. And then after you read those five, then her other series, I can't. Maybe it's like nine books. I can't remember now, but it's called What's It Called?
00;25;55;25 - 00;26;21;10
Unknown
You started a couple of them. The glass groaned. The glass throne is even better than the fairy porn. Oh yeah. It's such a pleasure. Oh my gosh, they were so great. They really, really helped me get through. So shout out to whatever that author's name is. Sarah. Something moms mamas can't remember mass. So that was the first half of the pregnancy?
00;26;21;11 - 00;26;42;26
Unknown
Not much to say. I mean, there were days where Jonny would feed the kids and then come into the room and all of us would sit on the bed while I would eat, like laying on my side, because I couldn't even bigger the sit up. So dramatic. I felt so bad. Nothing really helped, you know, it's just time you could eat.
00;26;42;26 - 00;27;08;08
Unknown
Were like yogurt parfaits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, reluctantly. And I don't like smoking weed, but that is the time that oh my gosh, it helps so much with specifically with the nausea and the CBD doesn't do shit. It also goes with the fantasy books. That's true.
00;27;08;10 - 00;27;36;26
Unknown
But I don't like I don't yeah I don't I don't like weed. It's not a it's not a medicine for me. It makes me feel kind of disassociated or something. I don't like it. But anyway, I'm so grateful for it. As a medicinal use in the beginning of the pregnancy, because it would be the thing, you know, just like one tiny little puff would be the thing that would make the next couple hours bearable, or where I could go for a walk or I could sit up.
00;27;36;26 - 00;28;00;06
Unknown
Oh my gosh, so dramatic. Yeah. So it was awful. And I don't have anything else to say about it, you know, although it is worth saying that the gifts in it, which I couldn't see at the time because I was such a committed victim, you know, of the symptoms, but that after it, you know, the skies begin to clear around 20 weeks or something.
00;28;00;06 - 00;28;32;12
Unknown
I don't quite remember. And as they often do for most of us, and in hindsight, I felt a lot of gratitude for that time and the way I had arranged it, because I spent so much time with my family, I spent so much time with my kids because I literally couldn't work. And you know, I will admit, it's as an entrepreneur who has a lot going on and who really loves her work, and my kids are well cared for and we have an amazing nanny.
00;28;32;12 - 00;28;55;19
Unknown
And like I said, he he he doesn't work outside of our home. And so it's easy for me to get into work mode where, yeah, where I'm not spending as much time with them as, you know, I would if I was a stay at home mom. Okay, duh. I worked full time, but because I literally couldn't, that was cool and just felt so good.
00;28;55;20 - 00;29;22;09
Unknown
How much time we spent together and felt so much gratitude for kind of being forced to slow down the. Which was also a really slow time of year for me. Usually. Yeah, it's cold. So yeah, we're inside more and cuddly. Who was. Yeah a good. And I think another obvious lesson is, you know, pregnancy forces you to slow down.
00;29;22;16 - 00;29;46;28
Unknown
You enter a different consciousness. You know, you're in such an altered state of consciousness that really only increases into expanding your consciousness to mother the next child and to go through postpartum and on all of it. And so it is, I think, perhaps part of the spiritual context of bitch slapping you so hard in the first trimester is to have you confront all that you know.
00;29;47;00 - 00;30;11;18
Unknown
And who are you when you slow down and confront not being in control and the sacrifice that it is to, I mean the total privilege to. But the sacrifice that it is to carry life and bring bring a soul here. So I couldn't really super connect to that during it. But once I felt a little more resourced, I did feel real gratitude for it.
00;30;11;23 - 00;30;38;14
Unknown
All right, so that's the first half. Thank you for keeping me alive. Really? Yeah. I mean, I thought a lot in that first half of like, you know, I'm very aware of how other women, you know, live and how not great their setups are. And, you know, women that work outside of the home while they feel even worse than I feel.
00;30;38;19 - 00;31;05;04
Unknown
Oh my goodness. You know, I just thought about that so much. And women of course you are at home with their toddlers as sick as I was or more, and their husbands are born 40, 50 hours. Oh, I mean, just I guess survival mode. You do what you got to do. But but that's part of my role as provider and I'm not financially providing it during this time.
00;31;05;04 - 00;31;31;10
Unknown
And so thank God. Yeah. I mean there's so many other ways that you can define that term. And certainly keeping people alive I would say qualifies. Yeah. Fed safe together. Yeah. I mean that's definitely something that we talk about in our marriage. You know, for those of you who aren't familiar with our dynamic or our household dynamic, I don't know why you would be.
00;31;31;10 - 00;31;59;26
Unknown
I guess we've shared a little bit about it here and there. But after we had our first child in, he always worked and was in the cannabis industry and I was in the birth world, and that was what we did when we didn't have kids. And then in we moved to Colorado after the Hawaii part when we had our daughter, and primarily because he got a really good job offer there in kind of more like corporate cannabis.
00;31;59;28 - 00;32;26;16
Unknown
And we had family there, and Colorado's gorgeous. So we went there and he worked a normal job. He was running a big team and, you know, out of the home, obviously. And I was at home with our baby, also starting free birth Society. I had already started it, but I was growing it and, you know, coaching and and we had the complete guide to free birth already out.
00;32;26;16 - 00;32;50;24
Unknown
But I was home alone with our baby as well, and it was so dysfunctional, even though it's the American way. Well, I would leave the house. You wake up like five before the sun comes up and work until drive 40 minutes, drive all the way across town. Commute both ways. Sucked. Are you one of the many women out there who's obsessed with this podcast?
00;32;50;24 - 00;33;15;27
Unknown
Binging every episode, feeling the stirrings of something more, but not sure how to bring the good word of free birth into your community. Well, let me tell you about my Birth Mentor Institute, our ten month high touch mentorship program that brings you out of the sidelines and into the arena of sovereign birth work. This is the most powerful and comprehensive offering Yolande and I have ever created.
00;33;15;27 - 00;33;36;12
Unknown
It's for the woman who knows she's here to serve, but doesn't want to play by the old rules. If you felt the pull to teach, to guide, to walk with women in real integrity, this is your path. We only run this once a year and enrollment is open now. The curriculum is immersive, transformational. You'll go through four distinct quarters.
00;33;36;12 - 00;34;03;27
Unknown
First, self-mastery because you can't hold women in birth until you've met yourself in the fire. Then 11 weeks of sovereign birth, work, training, everything yo and I know to get you solid in your knowledge. Next, we teach you how to teach and coach our frameworks, our tools, our methods all laid out. And finally, full spectrum business mentorship. Yes, you can make a real meaningful income doing this work.
00;34;03;27 - 00;34;28;07
Unknown
And we'll show you how our graduates go on to lead sovereign childbirth classes, attend births outside the system, coach women, hold circles and earn money from a place of true alignment and devotion. If you're feeling the nudge, if this is lighting something up in you, follow it. Go to Macho Birth Mentor Institute to learn more and claim your seat.
00;34;28;10 - 00;34;53;04
Unknown
Let's change the world together. One birth, one woman, one community at a time and then come home. And we're just describing a totally average setup for a family. We know that. But he would come home, you know, at sundown. I would be so over the baby thing. You know, I'd been alone with my baby all day and I wanted to do other stuff.
00;34;53;04 - 00;35;14;16
Unknown
I wanted to talk about other stuff. I wanted to work on my stuff. And he would be whooped. You know, he had been on his feet for 12 hours, and I wasn't about to, like, make dinner. I'm sure I did back then. I don't mean I don't be more because I was working, you know, I still mostly cooked in those days.
00;35;14;16 - 00;35;21;14
Unknown
Did you? I don't remember what is that? But.
00;35;21;17 - 00;35;47;26
Unknown
That's pretty bony. Bony? But yeah, I don't even remember. I just remember it being so dysfunctional and us not being connected. And it just having kind of a especially in hindsight, kind of a almost a darkness, like a heaviness to it. But if you were to just look at us from the outside, we were just like a happy, thriving, functional family.
00;35;47;26 - 00;36;10;29
Unknown
But on the inside, especially knowing how good it can be and all the changes we've made and how we are today, it just it felt kind of hard and kind of overwhelming and kind of heavy, which are not words I'm calling on to create my life or my marriage with. And it had been amazing. And that's not the kind of job I want.
00;36;11;00 - 00;36;39;16
Unknown
It didn't fulfill me, you know, it was HR meetings. And, you know, I had 50 employees under me and it was just like and managing stoners all day long and not being outside, even though I worked in this giant spaceship greenhouse and, you know, it was it was not what I wanted to be doing. And then I'd come home and just want whatever, chill or whatever and connect with you.
00;36;39;16 - 00;37;02;05
Unknown
And it was totally dysfunctional. Yeah. And it's hard to call it that when that is literally what everyone is doing. Everyone with a new kid, you know, that we knew we were around. I mean, it's the Western way. Of course they work and you figure it out and and it's inherent. You inherit these stories that you then play out that it's hard and disconnected.
00;37;02;05 - 00;37;29;22
Unknown
And and so we had a big wake up year around that. I think he worked that job for maybe a year, maybe a year and a half. And that paired with just a beautiful gift that was Covid. That combo, just like, bam, hit us so hard of what are we doing? This is not the trajectory of our dream life or dream location or dream ways to bring in money.
00;37;29;22 - 00;38;03;23
Unknown
And so yeah, the really, really short version here is we had big talks about it and we changed and we made huge sacrifices and shifts and took huge risks and got really, really clear that we didn't want to just be getting by or be. Yeah. What was ultimately survival mode. And so what would it take to first identify our real wants, you know, our real desires and how we want to grow a family and be a family?
00;38;03;23 - 00;38;25;15
Unknown
And then what are the moves to actually have that? And so yeah, so that's what we did. I'm going to leave it there so we can get back to the the topic at hand. But that move I mean that was probably the best decision of our life together up to that point. You know. And it was a gamble.
00;38;25;16 - 00;38;48;03
Unknown
I mean, we were it was like a six figure job. And, you know, it wasn't getting by week to week in survival mode financially, but your company was new and it was just starting to grow. And we were both making money. And so me quitting my job, you know, cut our income in half. And that was and I wasn't making enough to hold us yet.
00;38;48;05 - 00;39;14;24
Unknown
Yeah. But we we had faith and we trusted that this could grow into what we want. And it would shift our lifestyle so much that there would be more full fulfillment, more happiness, more alignment there than me being out of the house for half of the day, and then the sleep for a portion of what was left. I mean, the bottom line was and continues to be, we want our family to be together.
00;39;14;26 - 00;39;35;15
Unknown
Our kids are young for such a blink of a time, as are yours, and we want to be together. And maybe if we didn't have kids, you know, doing our own things like how we did in LA and stuff like that was totally fine. And we had a lot of togetherness beyond our jobs. But while the kids are young and just, we want to be together.
00;39;35;15 - 00;40;03;08
Unknown
We want two parents in the home. And and the phrase I've always thought is intact and it did not feel intact to have one of the parents out of the home for 40 plus hours. It wasn't healthy for us, for our marriage or for our relationship, you know, with our child. And now that we've done the other way and kept our family together for the last six plus years, oh my God, it just gets better and better and better.
00;40;03;08 - 00;40;35;06
Unknown
And we're all on one flow. Like everyone has their own individual flow too. He does different stuff in a day than I do, obviously, as to our kids, but we we feel like one real moving organism that has created the freedom and flexibility to change and shift as needed, right? Whereas when you have a, you know, a hard set of hours outside the home, you can't you are not likely to be able to be flexible.
00;40;35;06 - 00;41;16;06
Unknown
Anyway. This is probably very obvious. So yeah, that that was a big turning point in our life and in our family. And he stopped bringing income in on purpose to support the household and me so that I could grow FBS. And thank God he did because and it was it worked. It was the it was a major one, but it was part of a theme by which we try to live, of shifting when necessary, reassessing when necessary, getting rid of what doesn't serve us, moving forward in a different way, even if it seems hard or crazy, probably especially then.
00;41;16;06 - 00;41;41;12
Unknown
And you know, that was the shining example of that at that time for us. And, I mean, it was a great decision to to get out of there. You know, it's edgy, it's edgy. Like I said, we inherit these stories. And I've always been interested in questioning those stories and trying to be conscious and intentional about what stories I want to carry on.
00;41;41;12 - 00;42;05;03
Unknown
And so when I was catching myself playing out the, you know, it's hard or overwhelming or any of that and that that's just par for the course. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's like, our family is joyful. Our family is is happy in choosing this. And we love being alive and we love being in nature and we love being together.
00;42;05;03 - 00;42;37;23
Unknown
So, so show me the way, you know. And so we actually, I guess, to bring us into what we're about to pivot to starts to become just, you know, more and more successful every year with the reach of the pod and everything else that I go on to do. And so at that intersection with the, you know, worldwide chaos that becomes 2020, we duck out and we leave Denver where we were living and where his job was and where we had a rental home.
00;42;37;23 - 00;43;02;04
Unknown
And we duck out to this tiny little town in the Rocky Mountains in southern Colorado to just see, kind of to wait it out and to just be in the mountains, be away from all the chaos. The whole vibe of Covid hadn't super hit that town yet. It was pretty mellow compared to where we had just come from.
00;43;02;05 - 00;43;19;16
Unknown
Right before we left, lockdowns started. I remember worrying that like, we would be able to get a U-Haul truck to make our move, or that we'd get stopped on the well, it was pop it off. Nobody really knew how like how that would end up being. And we were like, we got to get out of here. We stayed in.
00;43;19;18 - 00;43;46;06
Unknown
There were helicopters over parks in Denver, families just eating picnics, you know, calling them terrorists for violating the whatever it was called the the quarantine and the real like, turning point for me. I mean, you I think as well was we had caught wind of Los Angeles city where we used to live cutting utilities to apartment buildings that were violating quarantine.
00;43;46;06 - 00;44;16;18
Unknown
And that really stood out to me as it should have to anybody that that was such a a no for me to. I'm so grateful we heard about that story. I think it was it was through social media. But realizing that things were popping to that level of, you know, overreach and chaos and government control, I just looked at him and was like, we can't, you know, like over our dead bodies, over our dead fucking bodies.
00;44;16;18 - 00;44;38;10
Unknown
Are we going to be in a situation where we can't give water to our daughter? Because my sister came to my home like, no, we're not doing this. We need to get out of here. And so we hid out in this little. Do you remember that? I mean, obviously the water, the water was our guiding force because that's what led us to this area.
00;44;38;12 - 00;45;05;00
Unknown
We're in western North Carolina, and we were looking in Georgia, Tennessee, western North Carolina, primarily in Virginia, I guess a little bit, primarily because of the water abundance and water independence that is here. So a lot of reasons brought us here, but that was actually, at our core, the true inspiration of how we honed in on this area.
00;45;05;03 - 00;45;31;09
Unknown
Being from the West Coast, water independence is not a concept. You you know, you actually it's water dependance. And you grow up learning to turn the sinks off. And there's so much regulation with water and it's water, it's like the most important thing. And so yeah, that became our our guiding. Now the challenge is too much. Now we have too much water which I'd rather have.
00;45;31;10 - 00;45;56;20
Unknown
Yeah. So we hit out in this little cute town and started dating out here and figuring it out. And you know, we we were totally in where so many people are at. We had never owned a home. We were not didn't really have very good credit. Didn't have. Right. We were still recovering. Tax history was new. Still. Yeah.
00;45;56;22 - 00;46;23;24
Unknown
You weren't working any anymore. It just, you know, we were just like a normal couple obviously trying to figure out what to do. And yeah, thankfully this was at the start of 2020 where prices had not gone cuckoo bananas yet. And so I'm just going to shortcut this and say we wind up our realtor winds up finding the place that that we then go on to live for five years.
00;46;23;24 - 00;46;57;19
Unknown
And it's a very, very rural. If you've been to the festival, you've been here. It's very, very rural. There's one library, there's, you know, one playground within 30 minutes. It's hard to get here. It's like 2.5 hours from any, any airport. But at that time we were into that and we thought that the world was ending for us who were non-compliant, and we were not going to get, you know, what do they call the little experimental?
00;46;57;21 - 00;47;22;29
Unknown
Yeah, experimental pharmaceuticals injected into our bodies. We were certainly not going to mask and cover our mouth holes for our or our trials. And so we just kind of watched as I'm sure you did as well, whether you complied or not. You know, we just watched everything change, of course. And at first we were looking at Asheville, but the Waldorf Waldorf schools were masking outside.
00;47;23;00 - 00;47;43;07
Unknown
I mean, it was such insane, insane chaos that did not resonate with us at all. We were not interested in that game. And so we were like, let's go rural. We don't need shit from the system. Then if this is how it is now, because we're not even going to wear a mask when we go into a grocery store.
00;47;43;07 - 00;48;10;21
Unknown
So I guess we're not going to shop at grocery stores. And so that that's kind of a very, very abridged version of how we got willing to live so, so, so, so, so rural. Obviously plenty of people live very rural, but we were more or less city kids that thought we needed a Whole Foods and thought we needed for our kids moving forward, like certain services or whatever.
00;48;10;21 - 00;48;39;10
Unknown
The consciousness of rural life didn't like, bother us because we were basically planning to just bubble up and do our thing and get some animals and put in a greenhouse and just become independent in a way that we had no idea how to do that yet, because we hadn't done it yet. So yeah, that that's part part of where we're about to go with this episode and what happens this year.
00;48;39;12 - 00;49;29;04
Unknown
I think it's helpful to flesh out the history, because I guess the bottom line is our assessment of what brings us here to this really beautiful, sweet little, tiny, tiny town with no health food stores, with very little services, with very little alternative or health consciousness. The assessments in which we conceded to that are very, very different than our assessments now, five years later, being obviously on the other side of the whole, you know, pandemic and also now having two children, almost three to star assessments five years later of choosing our place is really different today than it was five years ago.
00;49;29;05 - 00;49;57;12
Unknown
And we no longer want a super rural life. And we wouldn't have wanted it actually, if Covid hadn't have been in play. Not this rule. No, no, not like we don't want to be like DIY homesteaders. No, we want to be like on private land and be so grateful to buy that blue cheese at Whole Foods. You're not about to make the blue cheese.
00;49;57;13 - 00;50;26;17
Unknown
Not not about man. I'm not making the blue cheese. Not even sure how it gets. Blue. They're blue cows. I think that's it. Know. We are not. We are not the DIY, total sovereign independence visionaries that that so many people want to be or are actually trying to be. Total, total props and respect to the people with that time and skill set and interest.
00;50;26;19 - 00;50;53;02
Unknown
But you made a beautiful food forest. Thank you. And the greenhouse is sometimes poppin. It is right now, which is fun. And we have the chickens and we were going to do the cattle until we decided to move, okay. But more so than that is we're now more interested in services. You know, we can't find good body work, but around here, you know, there's only a couple mechanics in town.
00;50;53;03 - 00;51;43;07
Unknown
There's the extracurriculars for our kids or the alternative school options for our kids, or the tutoring options for our kids are pretty limited. But even more important, long term, which we're kind of skipping ahead. But I guess maybe we should just get to that about cause and failing, because the the sober reality check of the private school. Again, if you need a little backstory, assuming you don't know all this stuff about my life, I opened a private school in the beginning of 2023 with this hope in my heart that it would take, because that was how I could see this.
00;51;43;07 - 00;52;06;26
Unknown
Working for our family long term was to be the resolution that that I saw missing. And the only stuff here that we're aware of is, of course, homeschool is an option, of course. And then school wise, which is also community wise, is the public school, which is a lot of public pride here in that arena. Most people do that.
00;52;06;26 - 00;52;43;24
Unknown
And then there's a very, very, very strict, intense Baptist private school. Neither of those tracks are remotely on the table for for our children. And so this beautiful property came up for sale right after I birthed our son, and it just seemed perfect. And so, for better or worse, I jumped and used the boarded me. And we went hard on converting this little brick house on 17 acres into this kind of Waldorf magical school.
00;52;43;25 - 00;53;20;00
Unknown
Poured every dollar that came in to it, did a full on Reno project. Mold remediation, like land cleanup, was enormous effort. And plus all the red tape with county and state for getting licensure for having kids between X age and above, and because it was a fully legal compliant and finally got that approval. Yeah, he really handled the bureaucracy on all of those levels, thank God.
00;53;20;07 - 00;53;51;11
Unknown
Not for the faint of heart, although it's quite doable. So you too may want to start a school. It was really hard and expensive and I made so many mistakes. I mean, in hindsight, even the fact that I didn't test the community for real committed interest was so stupid. And one of my blind spots in my enthusiasm is I'll just be like, well, if I want it, of course there will be other people.
00;53;51;12 - 00;54;18;25
Unknown
Not only 50 kids will year one in a tiny, tiny little town. Yeah, so that was my own enthusiasm. Blind spotted me for sure. And just, you know, immaturity. I mean, I didn't I had never tried anything like this. And there's also a social component to this where families at that point were moving, families we didn't know. We only actually had pre known one of them.
00;54;19;00 - 00;54;53;06
Unknown
And families had moved here to be a part of the magic that we were creating. And around that point when the school launched, a lot of them fell off and there was a very dramatic, painful, I know what to call it, a reshuffling. Reshuffling. Yeah. And incompatible incompatibilities were revealed and families went different ways. And so that was a piece to this too, of I thought I had at least ten families like at my back supporting this vision and and I didn't.
00;54;53;08 - 00;55;17;22
Unknown
And so then I was like, okay, I'm just going to rely on the community at large like the the rest of the world out there. And yeah, I just I couldn't do it. I couldn't get the interest being a paid private school in a very, very, very religious area and to pay, you know, to pay the teacher a living wage, you know, tuition had to be such that it priced out a lot of people.
00;55;17;22 - 00;55;37;02
Unknown
And, you know, if you live in a small town, you know that everywhere is a half hour drive or more. And so to be expensive relative to what else is available and also have to drive a couple times a day, maybe 30, 45 minutes to get there. I mean that those are roadblocks that exist in a town like this.
00;55;37;02 - 00;56;13;02
Unknown
And I also think that in five years time, if we had had the bandwidth and money to keep going because we got approved for the voucher program of North Carolina, which means parents could send their kids for free on reimbursement, and also just proving ourself, you know, over time. And we could also do daycare aged kids. It was part of the I think there was a way it could have or would have eventually worked, but I was hemorrhaging money to keep it afloat.
00;56;13;04 - 00;56;43;09
Unknown
And, you know, by the time August of 2024, it was just last. Is that true or am I off year? No, it was like it was last year. Yeah, it was 2024. Yeah. So by August time arrived, we made the really hard. Oh crushing, crushing, sad decision. But ultimately absolutely the right smart business decision. Financial decision to close it and let it go and call it a fail.
00;56;43;10 - 00;57;05;13
Unknown
Call it what it was like. I said, we I didn't assess for interest and commitment. And then the other piece I didn't do was prepare for the first couple of years not to make money, which of course, like, I'm a businesswoman. I've been running businesses since I was a teenager. I know these things, and I just totally got in my own way about just being so exciting.
00;57;05;19 - 00;57;38;29
Unknown
Project. It was a heart project project, totally. And I wanted it for our family. I wanted it for our children, and that's really what was guiding it. And so yeah. In August, we call it we're very sad. And what that quickly opens up between Jonny and I, you know, in dialog is, oh, shit. If this school isn't at the center of our vision here, what the heck are we going to do?
00;57;38;29 - 00;58;03;07
Unknown
And what what is the long term vision of our children's lives? And we haven't really had that discussion yet because we we had a really young child. We had a two year old when we moved here. And then by that point we had a baby and a young child in our home. So we just hadn't asked questions like, what is her dating pool going to be like here?
00;58;03;07 - 00;58;48;05
Unknown
What are their job opportunities going to be like here? What are their mentors? You know, what friends are they going to come of age with and how are they parenting? So this is all important to flesh out a little bit, because part of the drama and just fuckery that has gone down in our life in the last year that we're about to get into, has so much to do with this kind of complicated, like sequence and all these different factors of the school moving rural during, you know, being like Covid traumatized, thinking everything was over and then having the success of FBS at my back.
00;58;48;06 - 00;59;26;26
Unknown
Me very innocently, very naively putting it out there to my, you know, air quotes community, my platform, let's really call it that. My company putting it out there saying we moved somewhere really beautiful, let's start community and calling in strangers other like Covid refugees basically. Right. And like free birthers because they were within the context of, you know, having taken my programs or listening to the podcast or connecting in some way of what I was doing.
00;59;26;28 - 01;00;08;23
Unknown
And so so that is happening, as I mentioned prior to the school, from the time we arrive here, I'm trying to call in, you know, like minded women. I'm doing slumber parties at my house and doing membership gatherings. I'm, you know, I'm trying to like, get people to see who resonates and wants to come be in community with us, realizing, you know, on some level, that the only way this is going to work in this super rural place with no perceivable, you know, holistic consciousness as if we import essentially.
01;00;08;25 - 01;00;38;15
Unknown
And so, again, just so naively doing what I can think of to do that. And that also inspires the festival, you know, wanting the membership women to all meet. And so just starting to call women here and, and being open to what may take shape. Yeah. So the really, really abridged version of this is it does not go well.
01;00;38;18 - 01;01;07;06
Unknown
The spoiler alert as it is in didn't go that well. Epic fail on all accounts. I mean, yeah, most accounts like we've had a great five years. Oh my gosh, I actually wouldn't change it at all. Especially now having like integrated the the lessons of many lessons were learned. Oh yeah. Mistakes were made. Oh my God. So many, so many fails.
01;01;07;10 - 01;01;27;27
Unknown
You know, we had joked about calling this episode our Community Fail episode because I'm not I'm not afraid to admit it. I mean, it is. That is exactly what it was. The school was also a fail. And that's okay. Like, that doesn't have to be. You know, I think people get really weird when you use the word fail.
01;01;28;00 - 01;01;46;04
Unknown
Like, I'll say that to other women and people will be like, no, it wasn't a fail. It's like, no, no, it's fine. It's for sure. This, you know, it doesn't mean that it wasn't worth it. It was worth it. You take big swings you miss sometimes. Seriously. And you know, my you've probably heard me say this on on the podcast.
01;01;46;04 - 01;02;01;25
Unknown
Something I think a lot, say a lot, and truly am committed to is I make a lot of mistakes, but I don't make the same mistake twice. And that's that's pretty true. Like I am out there.
01;02;01;28 - 01;02;37;04
Unknown
But by the time we realized the years were a mistake, we did not put them out. Yeah. In the barn. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You are great. Kind of. We have one for sale. Yeah. They're great. They're great that I bought just to help a friend out that year. We never needed so stupid. Okay, so do you feel like we've kind of properly fleshed out the historical context to get us into why the rest of the pregnancy is, like, why the rest of our years?
01;02;37;04 - 01;03;09;24
Unknown
So cray cray banana. Well, I guess I guess one other point is part of why we bought the big property where the festival is held was, yes, in part for the festival, but also to be community hub. We wanted to put up these little buildings where people who were interested in moving to this community could come for a short time to live, and then whatever branch out from there, which happened to some degree.
01;03;09;25 - 01;03;32;27
Unknown
Well, also, there aren't rentals here. I mean, okay, there are very rare. It's very, very uncommon to find a good rental here. So our thinking was if families may want to live, you know, in this town or nearby, they're going to need a temporary home to transition to buying, which turned out to be true for for some of them.
01;03;32;27 - 01;04;04;24
Unknown
Yeah, but but I guess the point I was trying to make was without that vision of Community Hub, you know, what are we doing with this property? What are we, 55 acres? Yeah. What are. What do we need all of this land for? What do we need all of these years for? You know, it doesn't match what our future shift is calling to us to to do so.
01;04;04;25 - 01;04;38;02
Unknown
Well before we get into. Yeah, I think where that assessment comes in. I think we can jump from in August when we close the school, we realize that this area is not really a fit for our family anymore. And so that's almost a year ago, and that felt very edgy for us to even like, like quietly say to each other because we believed that this was our forever home.
01;04;38;02 - 01;04;58;21
Unknown
We thought we knew where we were going to be buried next door on Moon Spring, I mean, and we this is like our 11th place together in our we lived a lot of years. So by the time we bought this place, we had been together for whatever, whatever, nine years, and we'd had ten places together. And so we had moved a lot.
01;04;58;23 - 01;05;24;06
Unknown
And so when we got here, we were like, okay, longest place we've ever lived. Put down roots. I'm never moving again. We drove a truck across the country. I don't want to do anything like actually with the RV. Yeah, yeah. And so again, I hope we're articulating this well, but like we moved here rural with a two year old not thinking about stuff that now with a seven year old were thinking about.
01;05;24;07 - 01;05;57;04
Unknown
And so when the school was clearly a no and we, you know, admitted defeat, we start to just between us be like, oh okay. So then that means we'll homeschool. Okay, we can do that. That's fine. What does that look like? Okay. So beyond education, which neither of us are particularly concerned about at this point, what does their life look like as they get older and and desire to be more in the world?
01;05;57;04 - 01;06;27;20
Unknown
The community, like I said, I mean, teenage years, dating pool, coming of age, learning about their bodies with the other kids, you know, all the stuff that we had never even thought about when we had one two year old job opportunities. So we started kind of playing around with the homeschool communities and again, very, very, very, very religious, very kind people, but not, you know, not finding a lot of like deep resonance.
01;06;27;22 - 01;06;58;29
Unknown
And so feeling just kind of stumped on that in August and being like, All of a sudden everything feels different and it doesn't feel the other thing worth mentioning that's going to sound, you know, incredibly privileged, which it is, is we're not stuck here. You know, we we chose to be here, and I make good money and we could choose to be anywhere.
01;06;59;01 - 01;07;22;06
Unknown
I mean, I would say that that's true for a lot of people, you know. But that's really what came up for us is we were like, okay, so is the same assessment still hitting and do we still choose it? And like we told you, the story of moving out of Denver. We've been pretty good at just being like, does this still match for the trajectory we now desire and that we now dream of?
01;07;22;08 - 01;07;54;02
Unknown
And we knew last summer that it didn't match right, but however we had had at that time. So I had said some families have fallen off by that point, but there were still two families that had moved here to this area to be near us and be in friendship with us who were still here. And so the truth is, we felt a lot of obligation about that, and we took that really seriously.
01;07;54;02 - 01;08;20;29
Unknown
And when we shared with these two families that we were considering moving, it didn't go very well. And actually one couple got very upset. And well, they both did in their own ways. It didn't go well. So we went home from telling the second couple and both of us feeling really badly and being like, well, where is our responsibility in all of this?
01;08;20;29 - 01;08;50;08
Unknown
And on the one hand, because they moved here to be near us, obviously. Yeah, of course. And we and we called that in like we said, come be here. We're here for good. We're building community. Right. So we took that really seriously and felt really bad about it. And so when we came home that night, you know, I remember laying in bed talking with you about it when the kids were asleep and just being like, well, let's just double down on a crazy idea how we will get there.
01;08;50;09 - 01;09;19;09
Unknown
We'll get there. So I think that's an interesting layer to this because, you know, within the context of the tools, if you're familiar with the drama triangle, like of course it was total heroin. It was totally me, us taking more than our responsibility. We did feel more than our appropriate share of responsibility to be with these families because of the the premise in which they had arrived or had, you know, built lives here.
01;09;19;09 - 01;09;44;10
Unknown
And so it just didn't feel good or fair or responsible or right to be like peace. We felt the commitment to them, yes, to those families, because they had made a commitment to us. And yeah, and they were not like, oh, go. They were like, yeah, what the fuck? And so we were like, okay, got it. Like you're right.
01;09;44;11 - 01;10;05;25
Unknown
And so yeah, that was kind of the beginning of the end, I think in many ways. And so that happened last August. And this is where we just have to mention the pool because it is funny. And we should maybe discuss some cost fallacy at some point in this. What will surely be a seven hour episode. Yeah.
01;10;05;25 - 01;10;34;24
Unknown
So we decided instead of leaving and that that didn't feel good. And in, you know, right relationship with these families, we were going to really double down on our life here. We were we were going to try to see if we could find what we were looking for, and we thought was elsewhere, if we could find it here and, and do the homeschool thing.
01;10;34;26 - 01;11;05;10
Unknown
And, yeah, involve ourselves in the community more and like, you know, hip hip hooray. Right. So one of the, you know, kind of laughable I mean, we're benefiting from it now, but we have had this situation in our house since we bought it, where the house is kind of strange, like it shapes around what was a courtyard, and it was kind of this overgrown, almost wannabe like Oriental garden or something.
01;11;05;13 - 01;11;30;24
Unknown
It looked like shit. And it, it we had especially being here where it's so tropical, the deck was starting to rot. And so it got to the point last year where the part of the deck was actually genuinely rotting, and we went out and night to the hot tub to do like family hot tub time. And our daughter stepped on one area and her foot went through the rotted wood of our deck.
01;11;30;24 - 01;11;52;19
Unknown
And so that was at the end of last year. And so we were like, okay, okay, we need to actually prioritize this. And so it kind of snowballed because yeah, this is not interesting at all, but it snowballed because the deck wraps around the whole house and we have this ugly garden thing that blocked the view, blah, blah, blah.
01;11;52;20 - 01;12;18;14
Unknown
So we had wanted to put in a pool, in an outdoor kitchen and this whole beautiful outdoor area for a long time, but it's an enormous project, both financially and just duration and logistics. It's an enormous project, and we've been burned and disappointed by basically every single contractor that we've ever used for our infrastructure in the last five years here.
01;12;18;14 - 01;12;44;08
Unknown
Such a learning curve. So few repeat hires. Oh my God, it's just such a rural mess. So we decided in this heroic, let's double down and make this house be our long term dream house and call in another baby. And, you know, keep working on our stuff and let's just bite the bullet and figure out the investment here.
01;12;44;08 - 01;13;19;03
Unknown
And and. Yeah, anyway, in hindsight, like, of course we're laughing at it because it was a heroic move that wasn't necessary, but it was our attempt at like justifying, investing in this vision that we were actually already over. Yeah. Anyway, we didn't we weren't true to our assessment. And also part of that assessment was we don't actually have to move on this knowing today, we kind of know that this isn't where we want to be, but our kids are young.
01;13;19;04 - 01;13;39;06
Unknown
Like, we don't have to figure it out today and we have a good life here. So let's put it in a pool. So let's put it in a pool. Well, and we had to deal with the deck. The deck was like actually now dangerous to put in another deck. There was a whole thing. This is not interesting. We had to put in pavers because would here rots because of the climate.
01;13;39;09 - 01;13;58;01
Unknown
It was just an enormous project and it it snowballed into this whole thing. I mean, if you own a home, I'm sure you know what we're talking about, of how if you do this, you got to do this. And before we know it, before I put it on a so that's that I mean, it's all we need to say about the pool.
01;13;58;03 - 01;14;23;26
Unknown
It's finally done. It's completely done. It took all winter and all spring, even though it was only meant to take, you know, five minutes. So. Okay. So beautiful. If you're still with us. Yes, it is beautiful. And I'm I'm so grateful for it. And again, so many lessons. It's fine. Yeah. It's fine. Oh, there's no writing deck. Okay.
01;14;23;26 - 01;14;55;17
Unknown
So where we're going. If you're still here is just as I'm getting my bearings in this pregnancy. And remember, up until this point, we're, like, recommitted to hayesville. We got the pool project, got baby on the way. We have these two families that we love that we're in relationship with. You know, everything. Like I thought 2025 was going to be so chill.
01;14;55;19 - 01;15;35;13
Unknown
I'm having such a big contraction right up. I thought it was going to be just like I thought I knew what it was going to be, and and it was going to be stable and simple. That's I'm not familiar with. But so it's not wound up happening. So just as I start to get my bearings in the physicality of this pregnancy, a huge plot twist goes down in our life and we're still not, like, totally sure what we're going to share and what we're not going to share.
01;15;35;13 - 01;15;58;02
Unknown
So we'll just kind of wiggle through this. But basically, we head down to Florida to go on a baby moon because I was finally feeling better. We were going to drop the kids off with, or we did drop the kids off with my parents and just go spend a couple days. Yeah, together alone at the beach, which is my happy place.
01;15;58;06 - 01;16;24;09
Unknown
Yeah. And so basically on our way there, we discover that a hate group has formed about me and my company. And at that point, it didn't have too much to do with Yolande. I mean, she's certainly roped into it now.
01;16;24;11 - 01;17;05;27
Unknown
But basically we catch wind of, like, shit's going down and and, you know, it's the internet. And so it's weird. And obviously most of you listening have not gone through, you know, being targeted in this way. And I don't really care to overly explain it. And while I have been targeted and gone through smear campaigns ever since the podcast got any popularity, this one was different because it was it was involving people who had been close to me or had been like, yeah, you know, in my life it wasn't just strangers on the internet.
01;17;05;27 - 01;17;36;29
Unknown
And very, very quickly, without anyone explaining to me what the hell was going on, we I lost some employees. Some members started falling out. Some students withdrew from our long school, some mentors for that school fell out. Like all of a sudden there was this, like, cooling calling. Yeah. And and with cool. With no explanation at all.
01;17;37;01 - 01;18;05;29
Unknown
So I'm just over here, like, being pregnant, running my life, doing my thing like I always do, heading down to Florida and and then this, this just like destabilization occurs. And so, yeah, I mean, I actually still have not had anyone explain what's happened, you know, okay. But yeah. So this this hate group forms and then I guess more have kind of like fluttered off since, since then.
01;18;05;29 - 01;18;34;16
Unknown
And it got some good traction in the beginning. And this is springtime. And it was hard at first to figure out what was real, because also a lot of stuff wasn't real. I was being sent screenshots that were mock mock ups. Is that the word? Like, what's the term? I don't know, not mock up, fake like think things that were not real, that looked real.
01;18;34;19 - 01;19;00;25
Unknown
There were, you know, people were sending me stuff of women coming out about things about me that were total lies that never happened. Like it was really strange. And there because it was all primarily anonymous, it wasn't really easy to figure out or track. You know, the frame in the beginning seems like people were trying to meet to me.
01;19;00;27 - 01;19;32;18
Unknown
Like, that's kind of what it seemed like. There was this let's expose her people, you know, anonymous people sharing their stories that were, you know, either completely fabricated, completely delusional or entirely one sided. And yeah, it was I mean, it's boring now. Like, it it seemed potentially threatening. But then the more I tried to figure out what the hell was even going on, there continued to be no sustenance to any of it.
01;19;32;18 - 01;20;05;02
Unknown
And so, you know, I was trying to figure out during the baby moon, like, is have I done something wrong? Like, is there something here that I need to respond to or deal with? What is this just another cancel culture model mentality smear campaign? And it took a little while to figure that out, because some of the characters involved, who were very actively trying to ruin my reputation, report me.
01;20;05;04 - 01;20;30;29
Unknown
I mean, it was pretty hard core. If you don't know about it, you don't need to, you know. And so, yeah, I mean, that that sucked and was scary at first because there were all these talks about like court cases. And I was like, you know, meeting with my lawyers. I have two different like teams of of attorneys and was like, well, they were like, well what what do they have?
01;20;31;00 - 01;20;49;09
Unknown
Like what's going on? What have you done? What is the what is the context here and now? I can't find any. You know, there's a student here that's managing get a refund. There's a member here who, you know, thinks the podcast is why she got sepsis, like I don't. I don't really understand. It's all a lot of smoke and mirrors.
01;20;49;16 - 01;21;26;04
Unknown
And so, you know, of course that sucked and was destabilizing emotionally. I mean, beyond just being pregnant, like one of the weird recurring themes that have happened in this one way fame dynamic that never happened to me prior in any of my relationships with women before. This is how quickly people turn, you know, and like, without explanation, without communication, without context, which only reveals the power dynamic that was always there and the pedestal that I never saw.
01;21;26;04 - 01;21;51;15
Unknown
And like, there's so much to this that is so big to wrap my head around and new in a way. Yeah. But so that that was just really bizarre and obviously hurtful and weird. There were so many lies and something I just keep returning to because of course people were like, are you going to say something or are you going to make a statement?
01;21;51;17 - 01;22;26;08
Unknown
And I just kept returning to something that I have thought a lot on during the two years I was called a white supremacist, when supposed friends outed me for not following the liberal anti-racist structure that they wanted me to follow within my membership was I don't need to defend myself, and I don't know if there's actually anything more liberating than really deciding that and knowing that within myself, and that as soon as I defend, I'm in the fight.
01;22;26;09 - 01;22;58;07
Unknown
I'm not above the fight, you know I'm in it. I'm fighting back, and I don't. I don't live that way. I don't like that. That doesn't feel like high vibes to me. That's not in integrity. It's just not very interesting. It's pretty low. Low vibes. Yeah. And so no one that was in my in-person lived life, whether it was ex-employees or ex friends, were willing to be in dialog with me.
01;22;58;07 - 01;23;35;24
Unknown
And so once I realized that, it kind of it took a different shape, you know, of just like, okay, so this isn't even real. Like there's there's no real relationship happening here where there can be dialog or repair or clear understanding. And so this is actually just a targeted attack. People were, you know, women that that I had known in the past were trying to get me reported to the FBI, not exactly sure on what terms, you know, they were making these big cases.
01;23;35;24 - 01;24;17;20
Unknown
That I was a sociopathic narcissist is the term that that I caught wind of. Yeah. And really these, like, thought out papers and emails going around of how to hurt me pretty, pretty like dark shit, man. Like, really to hurt a woman, to intentionally hurt a pregnant woman. So there's so many layers, you know, to airing this out and and to even attempt to articulate what that felt like and just thank God for my relationships and my own sense of self.
01;24;17;20 - 01;24;41;08
Unknown
Because as nasty as it was, it never confused me. You know, like you would say that to me sometimes, like when the worst stuff would come in of like, don't let them trick you. And I never felt tricked. It was more like disorienting because of course. And we talk about this on the episode with yo next week. This was always small.
01;24;41;09 - 01;25;05;20
Unknown
Like this was always. It took up space for a little while while I was, you know, trying to figure out if there was something here for me to do. But it was always peripheral to the main thing, which is, you know, obviously the health and connection of my family and relationships, but also my business continues, continued and continues to flourish.
01;25;05;22 - 01;25;40;20
Unknown
Nothing really got that impacted. You know, I'm sure I lost some people who otherwise maybe thought I was cool, and then they saw some shit about me on the internet and when another way, that's fine. But in terms of financial impact and like, yeah, how do I explain it? Yeah. Like everything was fine and really was turned out to be really helpful for me, honestly, because I, you know, you learn a lot when you're in the hot seat, you learn a lot when you're in the fire.
01;25;40;20 - 01;26;13;27
Unknown
And it inspired me to grow up in all these different ways. Yeah. You know, I think we probably want to mention like the whole private sector graduation because that's one of the biggest her evolutions. That's one of the biggest gifts of being so attacked, you know. And it got really bad. It wasn't just a hate group like organizing to the best of their like boring, pathetic ability.
01;26;13;27 - 01;26;43;15
Unknown
But it was also, yeah, trying to get me canceled on platforms. I mean, none of it worked, but it also led to threats, death threats, threats against my family being docks. You know, where your address gets passed around and hate groups and that stuff sucks. You know, I have children. I'm pregnant. We've been so, you know, open and generous with where we live and hosting the events and all of this stuff.
01;26;43;15 - 01;27;16;11
Unknown
And so that was a really helpful bitch slap, you know, awakening that I've just had such good faith with the public and in a really stupid way, which I will totally own, you know, and I have co-created this level of exposure, you know, the parts that are real, like my address is real because I have lacked discernment. I have welcomed people to my land, to my home.
01;27;16;11 - 01;27;47;16
Unknown
I have allowed strangers to come live on my land like eight times, you know, you know, and and unfettered, you know, that's that's the like, oh, you just gotta give yourself grace for the younger you. But if I were to feel embarrassment or some shame around how I've done things and how I've actually put my family in harm's way, I allowed strangers into our lives.
01;27;47;16 - 01;28;10;15
Unknown
And I realize now, in hindsight, I had made up the story that if they were coming in through the membership or the festival or like being in in alignment supposed alignment with me and what I was up to, that it would all be cool. And so then when it wasn't and there was very dark clouds, there were very lost souls.
01;28;10;15 - 01;28;58;21
Unknown
There were very insecure, wounded people that came to be near me and near our family entitled takers. I mean, some really like, not cool stuff, you know, has happened out even with some of the less intense versions of that just pure incompatibility parenting style, communication style, hobbies, interests, maturity. You know, there was mismatches that are you know, it was this with them, it was this with them and us and you know, so there were no no there was no vetting because there's my point, which is on me, it was like an open door policy for a number of, of people.
01;28;58;22 - 01;29;23;18
Unknown
My God, don't do that. You guys out there thinking you're going to start something like, have the layers of vetting. And I think a really younger, innocent part of me who was not in her leader, but who was in the like, I want friends and we want aligned people and oh, you free birth or oh, you. I don't know what thought Covid was a joke.
01;29;23;19 - 01;29;50;02
Unknown
Oh we must we get fixed. Want to move in? Oh my God, what a mess. So yeah, that didn't work. Duh. Major fail. The main pieces on our side were the lack of vetting. There was no time in getting to know each other. There was no dating. And so literally, you guys families moved here. Why is it here?
01;29;50;02 - 01;30;14;29
Unknown
I either mean the town itself or, you know, into one of our rentals or something. And so the stakes were so high because we've already fleshed out there's not much else going on here like alternative wise. And so the stakes are really high. Families that I now see were very lost and thought we were the answer, you know, which I can see where I was like pitching it as that for sure.
01;30;14;29 - 01;30;39;28
Unknown
I thought I was pitching like, let's co-create community. But I can see from different lenses how I created this opportunity to just totally take from us and just totally take advantage of our generosity. And, you know, all of all of what we had created in the hopes of calling and families, but again, with no vetting, blah, blah, blah.
01;30;39;28 - 01;31;07;26
Unknown
And so, yeah, it was a mess. This happened over the course of a couple of years. And, you know, our home was the hub. So it was, you know, the Emilee show in a lot of ways because she's the organizer, she's the driver, she's the assertive, she's the communicator, she's the conflict resolver. And so, you know, the barbecues were at our place.
01;31;07;28 - 01;31;34;00
Unknown
The playgroup turned into chasm eventually because initially it was your school at our place. And in my mind I'm like, well, we just have the place like we're just established first. And so let's just share all of that. I know that people have spun it as I'm the I guess, narcissist is the word they mostly use as like, and I can see how it gets spun that way.
01;31;34;00 - 01;31;54;23
Unknown
But what is actually true is that we were just established. I am incredibly generous by nature. It's just, for better or worse, how I am. Like what's mine is yours. And how I saw it was. I can see now it was a giant hero, you know? Move. But I figured we have the arts. We I have the passion.
01;31;54;23 - 01;32;19;25
Unknown
I have the business skill. Like I'll just set up the scene. And then my assumption, stupidly, was that the families that would come, it would be like, what can I give? How can I serve the not me, but the, the central, you know, organism of community that we were building. And that isn't what what happened at all. And actually that almost never felt like what was happening.
01;32;19;25 - 01;32;49;25
Unknown
It was mostly what can I get? And as that got revealed again, the stakes were so high for everybody. I didn't know what to do, you know? I mean, I can admit now to myself that in hindsight, I would have never gotten as close with the families that showed up if we had been in a different situation, if we had been in a normal city where you or a normal dynamic where you can, you can grow apart.
01;32;49;26 - 01;33;16;21
Unknown
Yeah, like you can have natural boundaries. I would have never gotten as close or let in or employed or spend as much time with or shared as much, but there was just something about the high stakes intensity and the heroine and wanting it to work. I mean, I remember seeing red flags in different couples and, you know, bringing them up to you and being like, oh, like, that's not great.
01;33;16;21 - 01;33;51;08
Unknown
And then just being like, well, they're who we got. We should hire him. They're who we got. We should move him into what I will admit to another, another piece I still get confused about within my own psyche is where the line is of just radically accepting someone and knowing when it's not a fit. And I don't know if I can articulate that as well as I want to, but I've seen myself do that in friendships over the years of of what?
01;33;51;10 - 01;34;17;01
Unknown
Now? In hindsight, I can be like, no, that wasn't a match. That was not a compatible, that was not, you know, equal. I, I know in those times I'll be like, just accept where they're at and we're all at different places and we're all at different spaces. And it's just shot me in the foot so many times. But there were too many intertwined power dynamics that I was completely ignorant to.
01;34;17;02 - 01;34;42;27
Unknown
Yeah, because it was our place. It was her organization, my the school. We employed a bunch of them in one way or another. Either she did or I did. And and that creates which I'm thinking was helpful. Totally is like, you need a car. Okay. Here users have ours. You need a golf cart for the foreseeable future. Use ours.
01;34;42;28 - 01;35;15;19
Unknown
You need to park your bus on our land for an infinite amount of time for free. Sure. Why not? You know. But. But it creates a power dynamic that is hard to manage in social circles. When conflict arises. Or you realize there's an incompatibility there, even without something like acute happening, to realize there's an incompatibility there, and that makes it messy and then falling away from the group, well, now you're over there.
01;35;15;19 - 01;35;23;29
Unknown
Everyone else is over here still going to your school. So now you feel super isolated. And who's to blame?
01;35;24;01 - 01;35;45;01
Unknown
Emilee, for sure, which I can only assume is where the cult leader. But I don't know why yo gets called a cult leader. I'm still, you know, I'd love for someone to. I don't I don't get the cult leader thing. I can see how it just. It doesn't actually make sense because we rented like our generosity was not does not a cult make.
01;35;45;02 - 01;36;05;12
Unknown
But I do understand. I think what they're trying to point at is maybe like the lens of unchecked power, like unchecked. I mean, it's not unchecked because I am checked and like, I have plenty of checks, but but the perception and you can just go over there. Exactly. Why don't you just go? Go over there. I'm over there.
01;36;05;13 - 01;36;31;20
Unknown
Which is what they did eventually. Yeah, but then it was they were like, ostracize this. So dramatic because they decided they didn't like you, right? And showed themselves out. The lack of maturity plays a huge part here because again, like so naive. But my assumption was always good faith. And the blind spot for me is I'm like, if I'm down for the conversation and I'm down for the hard talks, surely that will be reciprocated.
01;36;31;20 - 01;36;56;02
Unknown
And so I felt genuine surprise and shock when it wasn't by different, you know, women or families. It's like, but we're all here. Like, we have to we have to have these heart, doctor find the solution between us. Yeah, but were the only one willing to have those talks. So if conflict arose between some A and son be of two separate families because they got to me.
01;36;56;03 - 01;37;22;02
Unknown
Stop. It wouldn't stop hitting be at your school. Well, maybe isn't going to address it with mom a and so Emilee goes and addresses it and now she's the big bad wolf. Yeah. Again, it's another power dynamic that creates a lot of pressure within a social circle that never would have formed organically, and these families would not have found themselves together organically without.
01;37;22;04 - 01;37;46;27
Unknown
Yeah. Coming to the hub first. So doomed. Doomed to fail. I now see in hindsight for so many reasons and I don't I really don't mean to. And that was like our mistake. Exactly. That was our created mistake. Yes, it was a fabricated community that was unable to stand on its own. Yeah, well, it was never a community.
01;37;47;00 - 01;38;14;07
Unknown
A community is earned, right? A sisterhood is earned and practiced. It never got there. People moved here. But that doesn't make it a community that can only happen awkwardly. Tried to make it work for right? However, for various length of time depending on who. So so basically to go back to the pregnancy in the timeline here, this hate group pops off.
01;38;14;10 - 01;38;54;26
Unknown
It has now devolved of course, but there was a height to it and an energy to it, and it was coming at me from every angle and realizing that some of the women who had been here, who had been in my home, who had been, you know, had held my newborn baby, who had worked for my company, who we had been in what I thought was, you know, good relations that really added a helpful layer of self-reflection that we needed to do about knowing our time here was complete.
01;38;54;28 - 01;39;22;08
Unknown
And so, you know, it doesn't it doesn't bother me that there are rumors that were fleeing or that were now isolated or, you know, people send me stuff, people like the drama and are I mean, I have people in my life who are pretty fascinated with this fan group, the Hater Roddy, my love group, love group, they're my fans, you know, they're obsessed.
01;39;22;10 - 01;39;47;22
Unknown
They're obsessed. It's pretty obsessive, which is sounding pathetic. Oh, and okay, like whatever, it's here. I guess I'm more interesting than what you've got going on in your life. And so I'm the center of it, which is, you know, something for you, for you to work out. But I don't mind, you know, the rumors and perceptions, you know, because, well, of course, I can't control what other people think.
01;39;47;25 - 01;40;16;24
Unknown
They don't matter, and they don't totally don't matter. And we're obviously here very willing to offer, you know, what we're willing to share of context and, and our own journey. Because I am I'm proud of us. And I would never try to form some false narrative that that I am a victim and that I've I've done everything right and I haven't, like, always handled this stuff gracefully.
01;40;16;24 - 01;40;38;05
Unknown
And I know I've always tried really hard, but it hasn't worked in a lot of these dynamics. And that's okay. I mean, it is extraordinary. I guess the level of drama in which people have chosen to take it, like it's one thing to be like, I don't like or she's a bitch. It's another to be like, she's a sociopathic narcissist who should be in jail.
01;40;38;06 - 01;41;00;12
Unknown
I mean, I saw screenshots of women fantasizing about trying to get me in jail by the time I gave birth, so that I would have to give birth behind bars. Like, what the fuck is wrong with these people? That is wack, right? Because you were a bitch. Because I'm so sick. Cult leader who harms and is a scam and a predator.
01;41;00;12 - 01;41;26;07
Unknown
And I'm every single bad possible thing you could say about. It's like, okay, okay. Anyway. Okay. Love free birth hate. Emilee is the is the motto love. Love the things she's created, right? Hate her, but she is the worst. Yeah. So obviously, you know, nonsense. But that doesn't mean there wasn't a lot here for me. You know, there really was.
01;41;26;09 - 01;41;46;21
Unknown
And we in my business have made so many moves and up levels and and filled so many holes and oh my gosh, just it inspired the rebrand of MMI, which we'll talk about next week, which is so much better now and feels so much more in alignment. It really was the nail in the coffin to us feeling complete here.
01;41;46;22 - 01;42;23;20
Unknown
It wasn't what opened it up. But yeah, I mean we've known for we've known for a year. But but of course the families that have moved here that now hate us and talk shit about us online, like of course that impacts how we feel about living here. Of course, that that makes complete sense to me. And knowing that the festival, that was another piece that has nothing to do with this, you know, that I knew I was done with the festival after last year just because of the sheer amount of effort it takes, and that it doesn't profit.
01;42;23;20 - 01;42;48;01
Unknown
And maybe it could if I kept going, but it costs a lot to put the event on the way I like to put it on, which is pretty bougie. And yeah, it doesn't profit. It's an enormous tax on our family. You know, we spend a long time on it. It's also a joy. And it's another thing like the school like we love it and we love doing it together.
01;42;48;01 - 01;43;15;01
Unknown
And we're very proud of it. And you know, it changes women's lives. And it's so special for our kids. And like, there's so much good to it. But I knew that wanting to simplify my life, our life, minimize our entities, focus on our children while they're young, like doing this huge event, mostly on my own year round just didn't make sense, especially when it doesn't bring in any money.
01;43;15;06 - 01;43;36;17
Unknown
Another heart project. Yeah. So and it's kind of hard on our neighbors. Some of them. Yeah. We have great relationship with everyone around here. And you know, we we're just in a small little town on a dirt road and care about. Is there experience in relation to us? I mean, that's not why I would still do it. And they could deal with it.
01;43;36;17 - 01;44;03;23
Unknown
But but we do care. And so yeah, I'm totally aware of how the optics can get spun. But I think that's that's a part of being in the public arena. And like you have to you have to be internally resourced and stable. I just I can't imagine caring what strangers think. That that just sounds really exhausting and I don't I don't know how I would get anything, anything done.
01;44;03;24 - 01;44;29;16
Unknown
But anyway, so we got really clear on the heels of, of kind of digesting this awful, awful, you know, smear campaign, you know, attempted takedown that involved people that I cared for, that our family had cared for and been generous to. That was really shocking. And obviously there's no words for how shitty that is and how hurtful that is and how disorienting it was.
01;44;29;16 - 01;44;59;29
Unknown
But again, it was like this, Mac. I needed to be like, get your head on straight. Catch up. There's been something in me that has been very resistant to acknowledge the power dynamics and the way women pedestal me and the fan girling that I experience. And I really saw with this new iteration that I actually can't afford to not take that seriously anymore.
01;45;00;03 - 01;45;28;14
Unknown
And so I started saying to him, how do celebrities raise their kids? How do celebrities buy homes? How do famous people, you know, defining it by one way, relationship? How do they do stuff like what does it mean to be private? And that was something we wanted to mention on this episode, because this is just such an exciting, like next level of life's video game for us.
01;45;28;17 - 01;45;53;09
Unknown
And we're not like kind of by the very premise of privacy. We're not going to be sharing all of it, but by by going through what we went through, realizing that I had way overexposed our family and that I had been an open book on this assumption of good faith, which I was consistently not receiving. Finally, having this, you know, just like, okay, wow, I gotta I gotta change this.
01;45;53;09 - 01;46;13;01
Unknown
So I started over the summer playing with this idea of what does it mean to have my work be public, but I am private, and that isn't something I've ever thought about before. By nature, I'm a pretty open book, pretty just down to share and put myself out there. And it has really, really bit me in the ass.
01;46;13;01 - 01;46;42;26
Unknown
And to the degree that I have received threats about my children with my address on it, like, I can't, I can't afford that. And so I will admit that that is a part of our moving, you know, it is to create privacy in our life. I can't afford that. And the shitty trolls anonymously doing this don't have to deal with that kind of stuff, you know.
01;46;42;27 - 01;47;05;19
Unknown
But because I have put myself out there and spent coming into nine years giving you my free time because of this passion and because of what I see, what it can do, the downside, you know, or it's still an upside because I'm learning and I'm I'm spiritually evolving. But the downside is I need to learn to become private.
01;47;05;21 - 01;47;30;23
Unknown
Yeah. So that's that's the journey we're on right now. And we have found really amazing advisors and allies that have taken us under their wing to teach us all sorts of stuff. I mean, not just how to buy a home privately so that we can't get docs again, but also just what does it mean to practice discernment, like at the festival?
01;47;30;24 - 01;47;50;21
Unknown
You know, everyone's asking where we're moving to. And I'm just playing with saying we're just keeping it private. Of course, it will be revealed at some point, like it's not probably, of course. I mean, because I'll do retreats and not out of my house. You're not going to give a bunch of people the address directions to get here.
01;47;50;22 - 01;48;10;05
Unknown
I'm not going to do membership sleepovers. I'm not going to do a gathering. Our home will be private. We don't even want to get mail there. I mean, it's exciting. It's like a fun new learning, the way we're conducting our businesses. You know, we're learning all about trust and business trusts and family trusts, and that's all really, really cool.
01;48;10;05 - 01;48;32;27
Unknown
And a whole nother level of, you know, becoming sovereign that we're now ready to learn about and take on restructuring our businesses, closing entities and just using discernment. Like, you know, I have these two different mentors that, you know, have held me through all of this, and both of them, they don't even know each other, and both of them have said the same thing.
01;48;32;27 - 01;49;05;21
Unknown
They're like, Emilee, you don't vet like. You have to create levels and layers of someone before they get to be in your home or whatever. Be at a high touch, you know, event or whatever. So I feel very humbled by what's happened and also so inspired by it. I mean, the ways that I've cleaned up my business, like leveled up and just kind of filled some, some immature holes that I didn't even know about.
01;49;05;21 - 01;49;32;10
Unknown
And the ways that I've restructured my business and learning new boundaries, it's just been awesome. It's been really, again, like that Phoenix, you know, archetype I brought up at the beginning. And that's what it felt like. And it's felt like that's been the the work of this pregnancy actually. Yeah. It's like burn it down. We use this question that my mentor pitched to us a long time ago of just does it match.
01;49;32;10 - 01;49;55;03
Unknown
And just using that everywhere. Does it match to be in this town. Does you know the shirt match does. Does owning this property match does owning all of these things match. You know, and and having the courage to say no, because that leads us into something I wanted to mention before we wrap today is I learned this concept.
01;49;55;03 - 01;50;22;18
Unknown
I went to a women's retreat with one of my mentors, and it was all about alignment. And one of the things they taught us was from this book, quit, which I highly recommend. And it's this concept of the sunk cost fallacy. And so you might be familiar with the term sunk cost, but the idea is that we get as humans, we get so attached to where we're sinking our energy, money, time, whatever.
01;50;22;19 - 01;50;51;05
Unknown
And the cost fallacy is that we will continue a attachment to doing the thing for making the thing happen way beyond the time that it was actually most healthy to quit because of the level of investment. Either time, money, heart, whatever into it, you put a higher value on it in your mind than it actually should hold. And that's been a huge theme for us right now.
01;50;51;05 - 01;51;18;06
Unknown
In everywhere we see everywhere some cost, you know, assessing mainspring and and our vision and our vision, you know, of what this life here was going to be or what we thought it would be or how deeply we invested money, time, hearts, so much money and and ego identity. I mean, well, that's part of where the fallacy comes in.
01;51;18;08 - 01;51;43;19
Unknown
Yeah. Is it starts to become identity when and that could, should we let it create the conditions for us to hold on to it longer than we should? And, and that's what happened just past year. Yeah. We knew a year ago that it wasn't a fit, that it didn't match. And because of the sunk cost, we stayed another year and sunk more cost.
01;51;43;20 - 01;52;15;03
Unknown
We put in a pool, we spent a bunch of more money doing other things and should have quit when we knew. So that concept has helped us a lot, you know, I see. Of course people do it in marriages. We're 15 years in not going to start over with someone new. Oh, some of us fallacy it's everywhere. And yeah, that concept we've just really tried it on and it does take courage to face that there is ego attachment.
01;52;15;04 - 01;52;43;02
Unknown
You know, since I've announced we're moving, so many strangers on the internet have have DM'd me, like you said, you'd never move. Like when I sent a newsletter out. All these people will write in, like, basically like, explain yourself, you know, and it's it's like, well, the answer is courage. Courage to say, does this match? And and is another line that my mentor gave me is what does life want of me?
01;52;43;02 - 01;53;11;25
Unknown
And and that gets to change. It gets to change, which is so relaxing actually, if you're courageous enough to to let it change. I do love that land. So really special five years of vision and love onto that land and that and you can't move land. Yeah. We don't want to stay here. Yeah. Someone else will love it too.
01;53;11;26 - 01;53;37;05
Unknown
I hope so. Yeah. So the rest of the pregnancy, once I got my head wrapped around and my heart and spirit wrapped around the the drama that was unfolding and and what was here for me, you know, and what was here for me to learn, what was here for me to do differently. It's just opened up a whole new playing field of consciousness.
01;53;37;06 - 01;54;04;27
Unknown
I mean, moving into the private sector, learning what that even means has opened up all these cool relationships and and learnings. You know, being really clear on moving has opened up so much excitement and opportunity and possibility. And it feels awesome. So as totally crazy as it may seem, you know, for those of you who are actually listening to this episode, because you're going to go back and report to your troll groups, thank you.
01;54;04;29 - 01;54;37;10
Unknown
Really. Like also, I hope that you discover more mental health and happiness. But but thank you. And I accept you and I accept that I have people, you know, gunning for my failure and my collapse because it offers me a level of accountability and maturity and growing up and continuing to hone my commitments that I wouldn't have without it.
01;54;37;10 - 01;55;07;09
Unknown
And I discovered that with all of the different smear campaigns over the years and, you know, everyone who's more famous than me that I know is all like, welcome. We've had one of those groups for five years, you know, so part of this is just very personal evolution of my own, you know, resources and learning to live with projection and and with the pain and wounding woundedness of so many women.
01;55;07;15 - 01;55;41;02
Unknown
I know what I'm doing is extremely radical for a lot of people. I know that seeing me as a happy, healthy, successful, you know, woman holding this torch out on the edge, like, makes people's brains dry. Yeah. And so thankfully, I have the tools that I have and the support that I have internally and externally to keep learning what I need to learn and and stay on track and stay on purpose, which I, I feel very aligned with consistently.
01;55;41;02 - 01;56;09;17
Unknown
So beyond that, the end of the pregnancy was the festival, which was amazing. Oh, best one yet. God, it was so freaking good to the degree that I was like, am I crazy to stop doing this? It was so beautiful. It was so flawless. And I just got this image when I was there. The caliber of women that were there was really, really high, and the vibes were so high and there was so much appreciation and it was just awesome.
01;56;09;17 - 01;56;32;04
Unknown
It felt very in reciprocity, which not every year has felt that way. And I got this image of like, you know, these hate groups and all of this propaganda about me essentially serving as this protective barrier to my life. And lots of women got near that fire ring, let's call it, and they wanted nothing to do with it.
01;56;32;06 - 01;56;59;10
Unknown
You know, we had women who had tickets. You know, email us saying, now that I know you're a baby killer, you know, charlatan grifter who lets the toilets overflow at the festival. And just like people out for wanting to calls the cops on them. Yeah, I think think women. And of course, it never happened. Think for yourself. Does that make sense anyway?
01;56;59;10 - 01;57;21;17
Unknown
But, but but some women who who, you know, clearly aren't very good at critical thinking or, you know, thinking to the logical conclusion of a scenario. It did keep those women away, which I'm so grateful for because all the women that were there, they knew about the nonsense that had popped off and they chose to walk through that, you know, fire and be close to me.
01;57;21;17 - 01;57;45;25
Unknown
And you could just feel it. It felt so good. Yeah. So thank you to all the women that were there. You really filled something in me that, you know, had been hurting and feeling a little insecure, I guess. And that was really vital. And I was so pregnant and so uncomfortable and so itchy and so hot and worked so hard.
01;57;45;27 - 01;58;10;25
Unknown
And it was so worth it. So yeah, now we're at the very, very end. I mean, this is our 40 week wrap up and birth is on the horizon and things feel chill. Finally we're rolling into a chill season. Yeah. Which is so deserved and has taken a lot of effort to coordinate. We're going to use this shit out of that pool.
01;58;10;29 - 01;58;48;05
Unknown
Yeah, I mean, I just work naked outside while taking dips with my kids. Pretty nice. Yeah. Anything else we should say before we move into the AMA's, the Boeing little baby? I feel excited and intimidated to give birth again. It felt really real. Once Sister Morningstar and my friend Kate wound up doing this spontaneous, totally unplanned, impromptu mother blessing for me underneath one of the bell tents at the festival.
01;58;48;08 - 01;59;09;08
Unknown
And it was just us three. And then it turns out that there were all these MMA students around me that I didn't even realize and they, you know, listened to the baby and felt the baby, and we felt her head and they sang to the baby, and it really brought the baby more online for me in a, in a very real way.
01;59;09;10 - 01;59;35;08
Unknown
And it was so sweet for me to get to be the womb full receiving woman. You know, obviously I just am outpouring love and support to pregnant women constantly, literally every day of my life. And to have that maybe hour or so to receive from these sweet, sweet friends of mine. Yeah. And and bringing the baby here more.
01;59;35;08 - 02;00;03;10
Unknown
And ever since then, I've just felt her so much stronger. I mean, it could be a boy, obviously, blah blah blah. As sister says, let's assume it's a girl until proven wrong. And that's what that's what we're doing. Who's in there? Someone. Someone that moves a lot. Who's in Wales? Yeah, I'm intimidated and excited, and I do have a strong prayer to just align with it.
02;00;03;12 - 02;00;25;25
Unknown
You know, I resisted it so much in my last birth. It felt so overwhelming. It felt like, you know, when you're in the ocean and the waves are too strong and you just can't get above them, like being pummeled for six hours. And I still did it. And I love that birth. And I learned a lot about myself, and I healed parts of myself and blah blah blah was worth it.
02;00;25;25 - 02;01;05;05
Unknown
Worth it. But the damn it rocked my ass. And of course, that could be the case again. But my interest is like, you know, can I see it as a gift from beginning to end and not resist it? And I know being alone and just it being us creates the possibility of that and to return to that. So that is my hope and my intention and to remember that I, you know, can play more into like how I respond and what I think of it.
02;01;05;07 - 02;01;20;27
Unknown
It's not just you get what you get. You know, I'm active participant obviously, and postpartum will be so sweet as it always has been. Yeah, it's a magical time. Three kids.
02;01;20;29 - 02;01;52;19
Unknown
Going good. It's going to be right. Yeah. All right. We're going to take a break and then we're going to do Jonny's AMAs. A bunch of you send in questions you have for him. And so let's actually talk about third time dad supporting free birth. There's lots of questions there. All right. Okay. We're back with our iced coffees, empty butters.
02;01;52;21 - 02;02;21;20
Unknown
And we're going to get into some Berkeley topics. All right? These are my questions to you. Well, these are my fans. Questions to you. Okay. All right. First question. When do you plan to release this episode? Today. Okay. Do I prep Jonny in case of emergencies? No no, no, I don't I don't care. What are we doing differently this time around?
02;02;21;22 - 02;02;49;05
Unknown
I think, honestly, there's less planning and thinking about how we want it to go. You know, the first one, we had a birth pool set up. We had people fly in, people fly in. We had silks hanging from the ceiling. I built you like a birth playground that mostly didn't get utilized. And we don't we're not going to do any of that.
02;02;49;06 - 02;03;10;03
Unknown
The one thing I will do differently, for sure is provide you with a water situation that doesn't clink. I think it was a glass cup and a metal or glass straw. It was like this. Yeah. What was distracting and and too much also though, that he got me this for Mother's Day. Yeah. This here. That will be what we it.
02;03;10;04 - 02;03;26;28
Unknown
Yeah, that will be what we use. But that was my one complaint. Yeah. That's pretty awesome. My one complaint of the birth of, like, you and my birth was that you gave me a glass straw on a glass. It was so annoying.
02;03;27;00 - 02;03;51;06
Unknown
It was. It was, like, quite quiet. And obviously. Am I going to do naked Camelbak camel pack? That's not a bad. I guess. We have like a really small. We do like runners one. Oh, that's so funny. I can't even handle jewelry on me. I doubt I could handle a backpack. Okay, keep it close, just in case. Are you nervous to be outnumbered?
02;03;51;08 - 02;04;23;26
Unknown
Not at all. Yeah. Minor. Where are you moving? I'm sure everyone's asking away from Hayesville. We're keeping it private. I'd like to know how Jonny sees his role in postpartum. My role in postpartum is going to be pretty much the same as my role in the House now. You know, part of my my role is providing stability and safety, and.
02;04;23;29 - 02;04;59;16
Unknown
All the meals I make, you know, and doing the grocery shopping and feeding the chickens and, you know, getting the mail from the post office and getting the trash out and all the regular household stuff. None of that. Fixing everything. Fixing everything. None of that will change at all. Well, our dynamic is different than most households dynamic because I work out here in this little office and he makes the food and cleans the kitchen.
02;04;59;17 - 02;05;23;07
Unknown
I mean, our nanny also cleans the kitchen, but that inherently sets us up in a really different way for postpartum, is my point, because he takes care of me in a way that a lot of couples, the woman is pregnant, but is taking care of the man in that way. So then when she has the baby, everything has to flip on its side and it's completely different.
02;05;23;07 - 02;05;45;15
Unknown
But he nothing really is different. It won't be really much different. I don't know, he like bringing you food to the bed, which I still do sometimes actually love it. So yeah, that's not a big change. It's not a big change. Yeah. How do you see your role during the birth process? How do you get time for yourselves after baby?
02;05;45;16 - 02;06;14;02
Unknown
Oh, a two part question. Love it. My role in the birth process is the same in a lot of ways as how it is in the household of providing safety and stability and setting the space, and then not much else. Bringing the the water, keeping the waterfall, you know, being there as the rock in the room. What sticks?
02;06;14;04 - 02;06;34;23
Unknown
Yeah. And then obviously we have two small children in the house. So depending on how it all were to work out, if they're awake or asleep, I mean, I'll be on with them. Obviously we have two young kids in the house and, you know, if they're awake or if they're asleep, that'll change things that they need something. I'll be on with them.
02;06;34;26 - 02;07;00;06
Unknown
But last time my mom was here. And so when when my birth started at night, Jonny brought her our kid into my mom's room, into the guest room, and our daughter slept with grandma until the morning, until we were ready for her to come meet her brother. And we're not doing that this time. It just. It was so wonderful.
02;07;00;07 - 02;07;21;15
Unknown
I mean, I loved that we did it that way, but obviously, it's hard to know when to coordinate someone to come. She doesn't live near here. And so she wound up coming around 40 weeks. Oh, no. Sorry. Around 39 weeks. And then I think I birthed around just past 41. And so she was here longer than we anticipated.
02;07;21;15 - 02;07;43;06
Unknown
And she's so lovely. But also, we just kind of wanted our own space in our own flow. And yeah, I mean, it was great, but we just want to try something different this time. And I love the idea of just not planning anything that just sounds so chill. She happens to be in town this week. Yeah, she's here right now.
02;07;43;07 - 02;08;04;16
Unknown
If you're if labor were to start, yeah, she would be here. But most likely she'll be gone and then just come back at some point. I'll just move the kids to the spare room because they they sleep with us. That's my suspicion. Yeah, because we're all for in our bedroom. My suspicion is when I want to get loud, I'll want you to move them.
02;08;04;17 - 02;08;29;21
Unknown
Yeah, because I'm guessing it'll be in the night again. But what do I know? And our daughter is back and forth. But she's been saying that she wants to be there for when the baby actually is coming. And so I might go get her, you know? I mean, these are all minor details. My my real role is to be the rock and to set the space and to do what's needed.
02;08;29;22 - 02;09;03;09
Unknown
Yeah. Which in some ways is not much. And in other ways it's everything. Yeah, yeah. Well, the the the presence is everything. I'm mostly just witnessing because it is just if your first time, you know, parents listening to this like she's just got to do it. There isn't that much that the, the partner can offer. But being there with the water, getting her helping her out of the tub with the, you know, with the towel, setting the bed, redoing the sheets, you know, getting her food afterwards.
02;09;03;09 - 02;09;31;10
Unknown
These are small, obvious things, but they are very important. They're very helpful. But I just. Yeah, just having your presence was so critical to me last time. All right. What would you want a first time dad to know before birth? Before he supports a free birth? Well, I mean, I, I think my advice would be to not feel like you need to do much at all.
02;09;31;11 - 02;09;58;15
Unknown
I mean, it circles back to the previous answer of the small stuff, which is intuitive for me. And maybe it's not for every guy, but of, you know, towels and reset the sheets and just sort of being there as support. But there isn't any real coaching that needs to happen. There's nothing that I can tell her about what needs to be done, but keeping her hydrated.
02;09;58;18 - 02;10;30;04
Unknown
You know, there's not much else. It's going to be okay. And yeah, but what would you want a dad to know? Not advice. What would you want him to know from you that you know about witnessing birth? That he doesn't know yet that would help him. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. One thing that was surprising to me was actually how mellow the whole process was.
02;10;30;11 - 02;10;56;29
Unknown
We get this idea in our brain of this big dramatic to do, you know, because birth is always painted as this hospital emergency. But that has not been my experience with free birth is that it's actually more calm. There is a crescendo that can be somewhat dramatic at the end, but it isn't. The whole process is actually kind of boring from our seat.
02;10;56;29 - 02;11;25;15
Unknown
And you know, mama's working for however long, many hours usually, and that is a pretty slow burn and it's not going to be rushed. It isn't something that you need to be frantic about. It's a calm crescendo. So I keep looking at the wrong place. That's your big advice? That's your big what you want him to know? Yeah, that's not chaotic.
02;11;25;17 - 02;11;50;26
Unknown
But it's not chaotic. It's not an emergency. It's also not about you. Yeah. That's helpful. It is helpful. Like you get to have your feelings, you get to be nervous, you get to. You're there and you matter. But this hearse and it's her work. And the more that you understand that in your role, the better it goes. Yeah.
02;11;50;27 - 02;11;55;05
Unknown
You're supporting cast.
02;11;55;08 - 02;12;26;07
Unknown
Well, reflections from the first two berths. Are you bringing into this one? I think a deep level of trust in the process, in her, in the baby's ability to work with mama to do what they need to do and that it would happen whether I was there or not. Yeah, is important to know, but the trust that it's going to work and that it's going to be okay is is pretty important.
02;12;26;08 - 02;12;54;08
Unknown
And if it's not, you pivot. Yeah. You just deal with whatever happens. You know I feel like people don't understand like this idea of trusting birth. Like I feel like it gets perceived as this blanket utopian delusion that nothing ever happens. Like, if you trust it, you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's stupid. It's like. No, really, there's no such thing as trusting birth.
02;12;54;15 - 02;13;17;18
Unknown
You need to trust yourself and trust that whatever happens in your life, whether it's in pregnancy or it's in a car ride or it's on an airplane or it's at a football game, whatever happens, you will deal with it like you always have, because that's what being alive asks of us. And birth does work when left alone most of the time.
02;13;17;19 - 02;13;48;23
Unknown
Of course, of course. And we do birth the way we live. That's pretty obvious, but more than like. Not that you said this, but more than just. It'll just work out like, well, okay, whatever that even means. But if you need to pivot and if something doesn't feel right or you need to change your plan, you will. You know, people get so heady about this, and I feel like that's what keeps me not being heady about it is just I trust myself.
02;13;48;23 - 02;14;15;08
Unknown
And it's not that I think nothing could go wrong. Of course not. That would be crazy to think that that would be delusional. Well, you can only know what you know and only control what you can control, and working yourself up about a bunch of variables, whether it's positive or negative, doesn't really get you anywhere. Yeah. Other than into a stress ball.
02;14;15;11 - 02;14;45;08
Unknown
So deal with it as it comes. Of course, is great advice and deal with what is presenting itself. Have you felt scared in either birth? No. I remember feeling some nerves coming in to our daughters. Your first birth. But certainly no fear. And I may have been the least fearful one, actually. And it was also, again, I was surprised at how undramatic it was.
02;14;45;15 - 02;15;10;16
Unknown
And even when I made it dramatic. Yeah, it even and it took way longer than I had expected. And so the nerves can wear off the acute like tension that can be there at the start. You know, you get into our 6 or 7 and it's like, okay, it's it's not. Yeah. I didn't really feel any fear. All right.
02;15;10;18 - 02;15;27;23
Unknown
We have to go. We have another meeting. Do you want to say anything else before we close? No. Okay. This was really long and never ending topic. We'll have you back on for the fourth. Thank you.
02;15;27;25 - 02;15;34;11
Unknown
Love you. Love you. Thank you. Season nine, baby.
02;15;34;13 - 02;15;58;24
Unknown
All right, women, I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below. And of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets. So let's spread the good word of free birth. Don't forget, you can watch all of my podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories.
02;15;58;24 - 02;16;19;28
Unknown
And you will also find our viral free worth collection of epic Raw Birth videos on our YouTube channel. So make sure you're subscribed. We always have a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out about all of it at Free Birth Society. And I am at Free Birth Society on Instagram. Please opt in to my newsletter below so that you don't miss a thing.
02;16;20;02 - 02;16;45;25
Unknown
We offer courses on free birth, sovereign birth work as well as one on one coaching women's retreats so much. Our exclusive private vetted membership. The Lighthouse is definitely something to check out. If you were looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life. Together we rise. Sisters. We must speak our stories fully, claim our lives, and support one another.
02;16;45;26 - 02;16;51;26
Unknown
This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. Till next time.
