The Journey Of 4...From A Hospital Induction To Free Birthing Outside

Season #1 May 31, 2017

Today on the show we have Heather from Michigan, mother of four and a new midwife. From an induction at a hospital with her first birth, to two midwife assisted births, to then choosing a free birth outside in her backyard at almost 43 weeks, Heather shares the journey of how her birthing experiences led her to the path of midwifery and her own self empowerment.

Find more on Emilee and everything we offer at Free Birth Society at freebirthsociety.com, on Instagram at @freebirthsociety, and on YouTube at youtube.com/@FreeBirthSociety.

Disclaimer: Free Birth Society, LLC of North Carolina shares personal and educational stories and experiences related to freebirth and holistic care. This content is not medical advice, and we are not a licensed midwifery practice. Testimonials reflect individual experiences; results may vary. For services or scheduling, contact [email protected]. See full disclaimer at freebirthsociety.com/youtubeterms

Episode Transcript

00;00;03;11 - 00;00;37;24
Unknown
Welcome to the Freebirth podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth together. While unpack truths, share personal stories and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldana.

00;00;37;26 - 00;01;05;24
Unknown
Today on the show, we have Heather from Michigan, mother of four and a new midwife from an induction at a hospital with her first birth to two. Midwife assisted births to choosing a free birth outside in her backyard at almost 43 weeks with her fourth. Heather shares her journey with us of how her birthing experiences led her to the path of midwifery and her own self-empowerment.

00;01;05;27 - 00;01;37;17
Unknown
So my first baby, I got pregnant with her right about a month after I got married, and I was just terrified that I was even pregnant, and I just did what everybody else did. We. I saw an OB, and I got just standard care from her. And, actually, my health was not very good back then. I was a smoker, when I got pregnant with her.

00;01;37;19 - 00;02;02;15
Unknown
So, in order to quit smoking, I just. It took me a long time. I was almost 20 weeks pregnant with her. When I finally quit smoking. And I actually found out I was having a girl. And it became suddenly very real that I was indeed having a baby. And so I just, decided that I would just eat all the candy I wanted to eat instead of smoking.

00;02;02;15 - 00;02;24;05
Unknown
So every time I thought I wanted to smoke, I would just eat, like probably a pound of gummy worms or whatever. Wow. So I gained a lot of weight from eating all that sugar and not exercising. I was just not healthy at all. And how old were you? I was 23, okay, when I got with her. And I'm going.

00;02;24;07 - 00;02;54;06
Unknown
Guess your OB was offering very minimal nutritional advice. She never asked me anything about. Wow. She'd be like, wow, you gained 20 pounds this month. You know, it's a lot of weight. You would talk a lot of weight. And she. But she would never say, like, what are you eating? Nothing. Nothing. So I just kept I sure did what I was doing, and and then my blood pressure slowly started creeping up as the scale went up and up.

00;02;54;08 - 00;03;18;27
Unknown
And, when I was about 26 weeks pregnant, she was like, I think you're getting pre-eclampsia. Your blood pressure has been high, you know, your last two months, and we're going to do these blood tests. And so we kind of started doing like, increased monitoring, probably around the time when I was in my third trimester was when I was doing, like, the hardest.

00;03;18;27 - 00;03;42;13
Unknown
He's, going to the hospital for those and increased monitoring. And when I was like 32 weeks pregnant, she basically was like, you are, you know, you're not going to get to your due date. You have CML and, you know, I have to I was seeing her, I think, every two weeks or something at the time.

00;03;42;13 - 00;04;20;02
Unknown
And she was like, I just remember at the very end of my pregnancy, I was so uncomfortable, and I was so swollen and big, and but I was also so noncompliant. Like, she would ask me to be on bed rest and I would just do whatever I wanted to do. She wanted to induce me, I think I was 35 or 36 weeks pregnant, and I was like, no, I can't be induced this week because my baby showers this weekend, I just my health was probably the last thing on my mind at the time, but I was like, I can't have a baby before my baby shower.

00;04;20;05 - 00;04;42;19
Unknown
So finally, I had agreed that I would be medically induced when I was 37 weeks pregnant to the day and it was just a standard typical American induction. So the night before and you get the cervical put up on your cervix and you spend the night in the hospital and you hope that that puts you in the labor.

00;04;42;19 - 00;05;03;29
Unknown
But for me, it did not. I didn't feel any contractions, nothing from it at all. And I didn't sleep at all. That whole night, like so uncomfortable in that bed. And the next morning I got woken up, probably like 6:00, and got it was, you're going to have your water broke and you're going to get put on the pit.

00;05;04;01 - 00;05;31;05
Unknown
6 a.m. we're starting bright and early, so I was probably like dilated or like a two or something. I don't even know. Because the cervical did nothing, you know, my body just wasn't ready. But it shouldn't have been at 37 weeks. Yeah. And it's like it's stressful, right? It was horrible. Yeah. I made my take me out to dinner, and we have, like, this huge feast the night before.

00;05;31;05 - 00;05;47;28
Unknown
And like, I actually was like, you know, what would happen if we just didn't show up? And I think we were like three hours late for the induction. And they were like, we didn't even think you were showing up at this late. It's like, well, I had to go eat more. Not what I needed. But so yeah.

00;05;47;28 - 00;06;11;04
Unknown
Then they had my water broke, started on the pit. I had like a birth fall and I, you know, like, I was like, I just don't want to have an epidural. I want to, you know, do this drug free. But what I did not know that I know now is pitocin. Contractions are not normal contractions at all.

00;06;11;06 - 00;06;33;29
Unknown
So it was like, I, I like, describe it as like getting hit by a bus every 2 to 3 minutes. And they came super strong and hard and like I couldn't cope and I couldn't even get away from them. Like, even when I went to the bathroom, I'm dragging the heavy pole with me and they would come. The nurses would come in and like, beep, beep, beep, you know, cranking up the pit.

00;06;34;01 - 00;07;06;03
Unknown
And I was just like, I think I that started it. It started at six. And I think by noon I was like, I need the epidural. I can't do this anymore. My husband's like, yes, you can. You know, you don't want an epidural. It actually got probably when I asked for that material around noon, I got drugs in my IV to see if that would take that off because I was like, I can't do you know, you got, I don't know, I got a couple shots of something and probably what did they call it stayed all or.

00;07;06;03 - 00;07;30;03
Unknown
Yeah, or Demerol or something like that. Yeah. It just made my head loopy. Help the contractions at all. Yeah. It's a it's like, you know, someone who witnessed his birth but haven't felt pitocin. Personally, it looks like I'm watching a, caged animal trying to, like, claw out of a cage. Like it looks like they're being tortured.

00;07;30;05 - 00;07;52;18
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, it. I've only seen a couple plateaus. Abductions. Like from think women like dual or women. And it looks brutal, but from witnessing it, like I tell everybody, I'm like, it literally felt like I was getting hit by a truck. And it's, couldn't get away from it, couldn't get in the shower because got to be constantly monitored.

00;07;52;21 - 00;08;12;07
Unknown
They didn't have wireless monitors 12 years ago, so everything was all hard and, and they were kind of rolling their eyes at me. I remember when I was rolling on, on this ball and they were kind of like, you know, basically just kind of ticking the time down to when I was going to cave and get that up.

00;08;12;12 - 00;08;44;23
Unknown
Totally. And I sure did. Probably like by 1:00 I had the epidural and I was exhausted. I just, I didn't sleep the night before, I was exhausted. So I get this epidural immediate release, you know, and it's funny, you're like, I'm watching these huge contractions on this monitor and I don't feel anything is great. So what we actually just did, we turned all the lights off, turned my big fan on and my and kicked everybody out.

00;08;44;23 - 00;09;07;29
Unknown
And I took a nap. I slept I'm going to say probably like four hours. I just slept and slept. And then when I woke up from the nap, I felt so much better. But that's when I felt a pressure and I was like, oh, that's different. Like, you know, there's. And of course the nurse was like, the minute you feel pressure, you know, you tell me.

00;09;07;29 - 00;09;29;25
Unknown
So because we're going to check you. So I was like, well, you know, I feel something. But so she checked me shows. Oh yeah. You're complete. So and it was so fast at that point because I was like a complete, you know, what does that mean? I don't feel anything. I just a weird pressure. But the minute you're like, oh, you're complete, it's like bam delivery car nurse.

00;09;29;28 - 00;09;48;07
Unknown
Like, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, my sister gets kicked out of the room and there's this bright light, you know, my crotch. And like all this, you know, we're going to push every contraction and you're going to do three huge pushes and count to ten. And it's like a it's like a football coach, right. Go go go. Yeah yeah.

00;09;48;07 - 00;10;11;17
Unknown
The the nurse I think she was okay. But I was just like, I am not having a C-section. You know, and I don't care how long it takes me to push and, you know, the one thing I do give my O.B. credit for was I told her, you know, as long as everything's good, I don't want any time constraints on my pushing.

00;10;11;19 - 00;10;33;28
Unknown
I don't care if it takes me all night to do this. Nice. And she was like, this long. Is your baby tolerating it? And as long as you're making progress, you know, fine. I'll agree to that. So I ended up, the nurse, you know, helped me achieve positions probably like 50 million times. I pushed from I think I started pushing, like, right before 630 at night.

00;10;34;00 - 00;11;04;24
Unknown
She wasn't born and I'm 50 to 3 hours and 50 minutes. Yeah. And she was born posterior. And when I remember when, I pushed her head out and the and the OB says, okay, you know, don't push now. And I was like, forget you. I just I was like, forget that. Are you kidding me? Yeah. So I was and she was well, I almost dropped your baby that I heard her say to the to my baby like, you stinker.

00;11;04;24 - 00;11;24;06
Unknown
You were supposed to turn. When I asked them later, I was like, well, what? What does that mean? And they're like, oh, she was born, you know, facing up. And normally we, like the babies are supposed to turn and and face your bottom. Supposed to I love that, I guess supposed to, whatever that means, right. She was super hard to push out.

00;11;24;08 - 00;11;48;13
Unknown
They had turned my epidural off after about an hour into pushing so I could actually feel what I was more what I was doing, but I felt like, you know, like I did a pretty good job. You know, I had these nurses are come in, they're like, oh, I can't even believe you delivered vaginally. You know, we, you know, 90% of moms, first time moms who have a posterior, a baby, you know, there's their dissection.

00;11;48;13 - 00;12;08;01
Unknown
And we normally don't let people that long like normally we let you push like two hours. So degrading. Right. So I kind of. But with them talking to me like that, I kind of felt like, you know, I was kind of bad at. Totally. It's like both at the same time, you know? Right. Yeah. It's like you're you're lucky.

00;12;08;01 - 00;12;31;25
Unknown
But you also preserved this vaginal birth in the face of all odds, right? Right. So when she was born, she put her on my chest and that it was a it was another thing I learned back then that I didn't know that or that I know now. I didn't know then, is that epidurals can cause, something called an epidural fever.

00;12;31;27 - 00;12;56;25
Unknown
So they're like, oh, well, you have, you know, a fever. And, you know, we don't know why you have a fever. And so now there's a problem because now you had a fever. So now the baby has a fever. So they put the baby on me, and I got one look at her. And a nurse came up and said, I don't like her color.

00;12;57;02 - 00;13;21;11
Unknown
And the next thing I know, she was gone. And I couldn't even see where they took her. And they had taken her over to the warmer and put her under this warmer, and then took her temperature and said, oh, yeah, your baby has a fever. So she has to go to the NICU. And it was just like happening so fast.

00;13;21;11 - 00;13;54;10
Unknown
So I was like, you know, well, okay. I mean, what was I supposed to say? All right, Dawson, I'll be honest. So my husband was like, no, she needs to at least hold the baby before you take this baby away. So they said, okay, well, you can have five minutes. So they brought my baby over to me, all wrapped up with all kinds of goop in her eyes and put her in my arms, and I, you know, she was trying to look at me, and she couldn't see me, you know, I could tell she couldn't see me with all this goop.

00;13;54;13 - 00;14;16;18
Unknown
And they let me hold her for five minutes, and then they took her away. So they were like, well, that's fine, because she can go get settled and, you know, we can get you stitched up and cleaned up and, and your postpartum room, and then you can go see your baby. Yeah. No big deal, right? No problem.

00;14;16;24 - 00;14;49;19
Unknown
You know. Oh, do you want to breastfeed? Yeah. You can do that later in a letter. So, I had, like, a very minor little tear. I didn't have an a physiognomy or anything. But I do remember the repair because I felt the needles poking, you know, into my skin. And I remember my O.B. asked me if a resident could watch her do the repair, and I was like, okay, you know, whatever.

00;14;49;19 - 00;15;14;21
Unknown
Fine. Even though I had asked them that I didn't want any male doctors or residents in my room and that it was a it was a Di. So I was annoyed about that. But I, I guess I was just too tired and didn't feel like I could say no. So I remember her, she was explaining this repair like I could hear her step by step by step.

00;15;14;21 - 00;15;35;18
Unknown
Every little thing she's doing look at it, I'm doing this and I'm doing that and on and on it went. And it was probably like ten minutes, but it felt like so fun for me. And then she's like, okay, I'm done. And when I sat up, I just I looked at him. I was so mad. And I just said, I hope you learned something.

00;15;35;20 - 00;15;58;11
Unknown
And he was just mortified. And he laughed. And my husband's like, why did you say that to him? And I was like, Because I just was so mad that he was even here. So then I showered and I got taken my postpartum room and I called the NICU and they were like, you can't come right now, because who knows why putting her Evie in or something, you know, call back in an hour.

00;15;58;11 - 00;16;18;26
Unknown
So I called back in an hour and they said, you can't come now because it's shift change and, you know, call back in an hour. And so and and then they're like, well, you know, it's like 2 or 3 in the morning at this point she hasn't board. It's almost 9:00 at night. They're just get some sleep and come in the morning.

00;16;18;28 - 00;16;39;03
Unknown
And I was like, you know what? I'm not doing that. I want to breastfeed this baby. Wow. You know, when can I come and breastfeed my baby? I haven't seen her, but for five minutes since she was born, you know, like, what the heck is going on here? So I think that's when they finally let me go there.

00;16;39;03 - 00;16;56;14
Unknown
And of course, like, the NICU is like on the opposite end of the hospital or something. It was a like a very hard walk for me. I remember like pushing my wheelchair and then finally, like I was like, I can't walk anymore. I was sitting, I make my husband push me the rest of the way. But those nurses, of course, were like, you need to be walking.

00;16;56;14 - 00;17;27;11
Unknown
You need to be up and walking. You can't just get pushed around. So between that and finally getting to see my baby and they like they had a pacifier in her mouth and I didn't want her to have a pacifier. And they were like, well, I mean, you can't be here all the time. And then the whole breastfeeding thing, like they were telling me she has like dangerous jaundice and that she had to have formula or she would get sepsis, she could potentially die.

00;17;27;12 - 00;17;50;19
Unknown
Well. And I was like, well, I want to breastfeed. And they're like, well, which is actually one of the best, you know, responses to jaundice, right? Of course. But I didn't I didn't know any. Of course. Yeah, I, I didn't even know what John. That's what I had never even heard of it. So I mean, my husband and I were so kind of young and clueless, like, we really didn't know what we were doing.

00;17;50;19 - 00;18;09;11
Unknown
And we were kind of like, well, you know, my husband's like, well, let's just do what they say. You know, like most people, they know what they're doing. But the whole situation just completely undermined everything. I wanted them to do. Like, I didn't even change her diaper till we got home when she was over 48 hours old.

00;18;09;12 - 00;18;31;18
Unknown
They just did everything. Yeah. And they would let me say they were going to let me try to nurse her. They would say like five minutes on each side, and then after that give her a bottle to top her off because we didn't want this jaundice to get out of control. Now, the whole time they had never tested her bilirubin.

00;18;31;21 - 00;18;57;16
Unknown
They had never put her under billing lights like this. Like, I'm sorry, this was not like an emergency jaundice thing. You know what I mean? So I don't even understand what they were doing. They were just doing whatever they wanted. So that whole scenario between that. Oh, and then my whole postpartum care, that was nonexistent. They never brought me a breast pump.

00;18;57;18 - 00;19;29;20
Unknown
They didn't even bring me ice packs for my, you know, swollen behind nothing. I was like, hey, you know, I'm the one down at the end of the hall without my baby. Like, it just felt like I was like, this big inconvenience asking for ibuprofen and ice packs. And then, you know, they were taught me to walk more as I was pushing my, wheelchair down the hall, trying to get down to the NICU to go see my baby, that they were pretending was their baby.

00;19;29;20 - 00;19;54;00
Unknown
Like, that's what it felt like to me. Like I felt like they're just like it was their baby. It is their baby. I mean, you know, like, once it's in like you, that is 100% the way that it's you're on their terms and it's it's your baby is now their responsibility and and yeah, it's crazy right. So we just kind of did what they told us to do so we could get the heck out of there.

00;19;54;02 - 00;20;25;14
Unknown
And then so that was my first baby and then I had a horrible time. Breast. I mean, not horrible, but I had a rough start breastfeeding her. I my milk did not come in until she was ten days old because we continued to supplement. I didn't know like how to stop doing that. Like I had him. And then of course I had her on a Friday and my husband had to go back to work on Monday, and we got home from the hospital Sunday night.

00;20;25;16 - 00;20;48;15
Unknown
So I was on my own. Yeah, it was just really hard. I didn't know what I was doing. She was crying all the time and you know, they're like, well, yeah, just keep, you know, supplementing her, you know, because that jaundice that can get really dangerous and like, so I'm nurse or a nurse or like, you know, and then when she was done, we'd talk her off.

00;20;48;15 - 00;21;05;14
Unknown
And anyway, yeah, my milk didn't come in for ten days. I was sitting there upset one day and I had a family friend over and she I said, I just said I just don't want her to have this formula. I just hate it. It stinks. Is disgusting. I never wanted to formula feed anyway. We can't really afford it.

00;21;05;16 - 00;21;25;22
Unknown
And she was like, so just stop getting it. You're right. And I don't even know why. I was like, I had not even thought of that in my new mom. Foggy brain. Sounds like you know what? So I had my husband pick up the book, the woman we are breastfeeding on his way home, and I read it and I just got in my bed topless with my baby.

00;21;25;22 - 00;21;51;25
Unknown
And I mean, she cried, sure. But I just was like, no, no more bottles. I'm done with that. Stay in bed with her for like two days and she just, you know, she had always latched on great and it was fine. So I just had given the formula. So she didn't have any formula after that. And yeah, she finally self weaned that like five and a half years of nice.

00;21;51;28 - 00;22;16;01
Unknown
I was like the one that took you know was the hardest part was she didn't want to let go after that. I sure you're like still breastfeeding at 12 years. So yeah, she probably would if I'd let her know she. Yeah. So that the whole experience. I thought that was just ridiculous. It was like a circus. There has to be like, some other way.

00;22;16;01 - 00;22;38;18
Unknown
Like in the future. Should I ever have another baby? There has to be a different way to do this, you know, I'm going to find that way. So, at the time, there was like that mothering forum online. So I was kind of fumbling around with that, like trying to find, like, I don't even really know what I was looking for.

00;22;38;18 - 00;23;03;26
Unknown
I somehow found this group called a birth network that did like local meetings. And I went to one, and the person who was running the birth network meeting was a home birth midwife, and I was like, wasn't crazy. Like, people have their babies at home, like on purpose. Wow. That's crazy. You hadn't really thought much of it before.

00;23;03;28 - 00;23;24;07
Unknown
I had not thought of it. I didn't, and I sure as heck didn't know anybody who actually did that. I did so it was so intriguing to me that I was like, that is awesome. I'm going to do that. I'm going to if I ever have another baby, I want to have that. I want to have a home birth.

00;23;24;07 - 00;23;44;17
Unknown
I want to do that. And then I was like, oh, man, I got to convince my husband who's going to be like, oh, no way are we doing that? Was he? Oh yeah. He was absolutely like, that's that's crazy. We're not doing that. We weren't even pregnant. Yeah, we weren't even trying to get pregnant. There's four years between my first two.

00;23;44;20 - 00;24;13;15
Unknown
My first was such a hard baby. She ended up being pretty colicky until she was, like, six months old. That I couldn't I couldn't even think of it. And then I had all that baby weight to lose because I was like, candy. So I kind of started on, like a little health journey to, lose weight. So I wasn't even thinking about getting pregnant, but I was researching my options for when the time came, because I knew I just didn't want to have one child.

00;24;13;15 - 00;24;42;27
Unknown
Sure. So when we started talking about it, I kind of started dragging it. Those birth network meetings, they would have movie screenings. And that's back when that, business of being born first came out. And so they had like a at our local library. They had a screening of it. So I made my husband come because I was like, you can't just tell me we're not doing something if you haven't even seen the other side of what I'm proposing here.

00;24;43;00 - 00;25;01;23
Unknown
So I took I took them to that, I took them, they did a screening of Orgasmic Birth. I took them to that. And he kind of came around and he was like, okay, well, you know, when the time comes out neat with midwives, but I'm not, you know, agreeing to it right away. But I want to see what they have to say.

00;25;01;25 - 00;25;25;03
Unknown
So, luckily for me, it took longer to get pregnant the second time, so I was able to, you know, really work on him. I think during that time, you know, we're really we're trying to have this. We're trying to have another baby. It's taking a really long time. It's because, you know, we're disagreeing about what page we need to be on.

00;25;25;05 - 00;26;07;13
Unknown
Totally. And, so I think when it finally. Well, when I finally found out I was pregnant with my second baby, he was, I would say like 90%, you know, on board with, we're going to have a home birth, we're going to do this. But I just needed to find midwives. So when I was trying to get pregnant, I had joined this local kind of crunchy mom online forum group, where I met a woman who had had a home birth with her first baby, and she took me out to coffee and we had just the most amazing conversation about her birth.

00;26;07;16 - 00;26;36;10
Unknown
And so I got her midwife's number. And then, another local woman who had had both of her babies at home, her mom with a home birth midwife. So I got her number, and I think I had one other one too. So anyway, I set up interviews when I got pregnant with my second with these home birth midwives, and I met with all of them, and we kind of tossed around between like, you know, which one we're going to hire?

00;26;36;10 - 00;27;01;03
Unknown
We end up taking one of them hired her and but I still kind of had my foot in like, you know, what a of the other medical world. So I was doing dual care, and that made my husband more comfortable, too. I was doing dual care with my O.B. and not telling her that I was planning a home birth with a home with his wife.

00;27;01;05 - 00;27;26;23
Unknown
And so I was, you know, going through the motions of having a very healthy pregnancy because I had lost almost 100 pounds before I getting pregnant with him and wasn't eating all that sugar and was much more informed about diet and exercise, had an issue while you're pregnant, affecting your health. So I you know, she kept warning me.

00;27;26;23 - 00;27;53;00
Unknown
You you know, you'll probably you might get preeclampsia again. And I was like, I am not getting preeclampsia again. I'm not being induced again. I'm not doing any of that. Nice. Finally, I think I was like 37 or 38 weeks and she started kind of getting antsy. My baby was measuring kind of big, and she was like, you know, I think she was starting to think we were going to just go ahead and be induced.

00;27;53;00 - 00;28;14;11
Unknown
And I just kind of I just told her, I said, you know what? I'm I'm having this baby at home. Nice. They told us over that. Yeah, well, she just lost it, but she do she just she disagreed with me. She told me that my baby, you know, good luck. I hope your baby doesn't die. And then she called my dad.

00;28;14;11 - 00;28;33;27
Unknown
I couldn't even believe it. I was a married woman, pregnant with my second baby, and she called my dad, which I probably put his number, like, on my, like, emergency contact. Oh, it's not like paperwork. They didn't, like, know each other. They just. She know what's next. It's my dad to tell him I know it was crazy. It was absolutely crazy.

00;28;33;29 - 00;28;59;11
Unknown
That's the last conversation I had with her. She was like, well, good luck, you know? Let me know how it goes type thing. So after I had him at home and I had an awesome, you know, birth announcement put together and it said, like, born at home, I mailed her one. So I'm sure she like that. But, so my second, my second baby was a great home birth.

00;28;59;13 - 00;29;23;17
Unknown
Born at home, 42 weeks to the day when he was finally born. I spent two weeks, almost like from 39 to 41 weeks, trying to figure out how to get him out of my body. And, you know, like, oh, my grandma says, spread the floor and you go into labor. Well, none of that worked. You know, spicy food doesn't didn't work.

00;29;23;17 - 00;29;51;19
Unknown
Walking around the mall didn't work. And I will say it did a little bit of a mental number on the I was due with him in January and when January 31st rolled over to February 1st, I was like, man, this is not it's hard. This is not what what I was even planning. And well, not only that, but my first was born in March, so she has a February birthday and I just did.

00;29;51;21 - 00;30;15;16
Unknown
I had never wanted to have 1st February baby, let alone two. So anyway, when I finally gave up at like 41 weeks, I was like, forget it, stay there forever kid. I don't even care on worrying about it. Yeah, finally my labor started very, very subtly in the afternoon. Oh, wow. That's a contraction. Ten minutes later, there's another contraction.

00;30;15;16 - 00;30;39;09
Unknown
That's weird. Why is that? Why would anybody think that's weird? At 42 weeks pregnant, I don't know. You know, you should kind of know it's coming, but you're like, oh, at that point, you're thinking, I'm never going to the labor. But. Right. Exactly. It, it it was a nice slow, easy progression of, I mean, like contractions are not easy, but those early ones are they sure as heck are compared to pitocin.

00;30;39;12 - 00;30;59;08
Unknown
And like I could I cooked my daughter dinner. I gave her staff, I took a shower, I nice, I tried to lay it down like I did. I just kept, you know, like I sweat my floor. I didn't even call my midwife. I told trout I'd say his labor started in the afternoon, probably like one to an afternoon.

00;30;59;08 - 00;31;22;29
Unknown
I don't even call my midwife. Actually, I didn't call her at all. My husband finally called her at like three in the morning or something. Because I at that point, I couldn't even call her anymore. I was like, do you call her yet? But my husband, he, went into, like, cleaning. So he's cleaning the house and going to buy Gatorade and doing all kinds of stuff that I was like, didn't even matter.

00;31;23;01 - 00;31;50;20
Unknown
And shaving and showering himself because I actually hired a birth photographer for that first. So I don't know if he thought anything to look good or whatever. I heard he's like spraying Cologne in analogy. That's funny. But the, the woman I hired to take my birth pictures was that first woman I met and had coffee with, and talked to her about having her first baby at home.

00;31;50;20 - 00;32;16;07
Unknown
So it was it was just I actually gave her a heads up before I even called my midwife, which was kind of strange, but, yeah, just born at home at, like, just I think it was just before eight in the morning. My brain's kind of fuzzy at the details now, but, I do remember my my oldest daughter, she was almost four, and I heard her on the baby monitor.

00;32;16;07 - 00;32;35;05
Unknown
She had just woken up. She slept all night while I was laboring. And, I just felt like the labor. Like it never like I kept thinking in my head, like, it's gotta get that hard. Like I gotta be on the brink of death. Like I was last time. Because this baby's not coming out until I get that bad.

00;32;35;05 - 00;32;55;00
Unknown
And when I was thinking that my body was starts pushing on its own and I'm sitting, I was I was kind of like, I'm kind of a private birth her. So, I had a birth pill set up in the middle of the room, and I tried getting in it, and there was, my midwife and her assistant midwife.

00;32;55;00 - 00;33;13;22
Unknown
She has come and my birth photographer. And my husband. That's all. It was in my house when I got in that birth pool. I felt like everybody was staring at me. Yeah, because they probably weren't couldn't get. They work, though, because the first picture they show the midwife sleeping on the couch. Nobody was looking at me. It was all in my head.

00;33;13;25 - 00;33;32;18
Unknown
So I got I just put in the pool for like five minutes. I was like, yeah, forget that. Can't do that. Got out of the pool, went into my tiny little bathroom, shut the door and just was by myself and my husband would kind of peek in. I'd be like, get out of here. My midwife, I think she came in one time.

00;33;32;18 - 00;33;51;23
Unknown
The whole time she was at my house to check hard times one time and then left, and I didn't see her again until I was sitting on the toilet kind of rocking with. And I had heard it. Well, I had heard her, told me, you know, do you feel pressure? I think your water is going to break. And I was like, you know, I just feel lots of crap going on.

00;33;51;26 - 00;34;11;18
Unknown
Yeah. And I, I had heard my daughter wake up and my husband said, you know, Heather brings up she wants to, she wants to say hi. And I was like, I want her to see me like this. And he goes, well, you know, when you get a break. And I was like, there's no breaks for you. Realize what I'm doing, right?

00;34;11;20 - 00;34;28;18
Unknown
Yeah. Right. Yeah. I was like, at that point, there's no break. Bring her in here really quick. Get her out of here. So he did. I gave her a kiss in the bathroom. She got out. The next thing I know, my body, I'm, like, thinking, this is. This has got to get, like, way worse. You know, this is going to be like a two day labor.

00;34;28;18 - 00;34;46;16
Unknown
But then my body starts pushing. Nice. So I'm like, I think I'm pushing in here. And my midwife jumps up, she thinks her head and she goes, yeah, not on the toilet. Get in your pool. How do you feel about it? How do you feel about that? Just that like shift being told what to do. Is it like, oh, thank you.

00;34;46;16 - 00;35;13;29
Unknown
That's such a great suggestion. Or was it like, disempower? I think I was like, yeah, I think it was a good suggestion because I hadn't even thought that I was that close to birthing. I didn't even realize that I was literally like minutes from giving birth at that time. So when she was like, you know, your pool's ready when I get in the pool, I was like, hey, you know, why didn't I think of that?

00;35;14;01 - 00;35;31;12
Unknown
So I just happened pool and then of course I felt like this baby's way bigger now 42 weeks than my last one. Was it 37 weeks I was pushed, I was like, the head's not gonna fit. That's too big. It's not gonna fit. And she's like, well, we can see the head. So you're doing it. You're doing fine.

00;35;31;15 - 00;35;53;07
Unknown
So it took me like 20 minutes to push him out. Nice. And, he was 9 pounds, six ounces. And my first was 7 pounds, seven ounces. So about 2 pounds bigger. Did you have no parent? That's what I was going to ask. Yeah. No, no, Terry, nobody told me to push. No, he was telling me to hold my breath.

00;35;53;07 - 00;36;17;02
Unknown
I just did what I wanted. And she just kind of did, like a hot compress on my my bottom, which felt amazing. Yeah. It was to the point where I couldn't. Not exactly. Which is exactly what you want to have happen. So yeah that was great. And, and you know I did a herbal bath and walked up.

00;36;17;07 - 00;36;38;00
Unknown
I had them in my basement. Nice. So walk up walk up the stairs, got in my bed. After that my husband made me French toast, which has become the traditional because I had French toast after my first in the hospital for them. And my husband's not a big cooker, so when they're like, oh, he can make you something to eat.

00;36;38;01 - 00;37;00;27
Unknown
I was like, oh man, that's going to be frozen pizza or French toast or like, what are you going to try to make? Yeah. Can of soup. Right. So I was like, wow, what's the French toast again? That's how it was morning. So I was like, it's breakfast food. Why not? So, Oh, I delivered my placenta in my pool before my herbal bath with that baby.

00;37;01;00 - 00;37;21;07
Unknown
And, took like a little over an hour. I don't remember being a big thing pulling on it. It just was like, oh, there it is. So yeah, when I did that, I was like, oh man, I am like superwoman. I can do anything. You know? I had a nine and a half pound baby in my basement.

00;37;21;07 - 00;37;53;13
Unknown
I can do whatever I want. So I know I'm here. There's been that was very healing and restorative. Probably for your husband. Yeah. He instantly became, like, biggest home birth fan ever. Nice. That's of usually the guys do. Yeah, it's usually the guys do. They're great cheerleaders. Oh yeah. He was like oh yeah. My wife, you know, she just had a baby in the basement.

00;37;53;15 - 00;38;19;13
Unknown
Yeah. It was, it was amazing. And it was amazing. So we had a son, you know, he had wanted a son. My husband's an only son, so it's kind of like the big thing. You know? We got to have a boy. And so the whole thing was just great. So then a couple of years later, I was actually shocked when I found out I was pregnant with my third baby.

00;38;19;13 - 00;38;43;05
Unknown
When when my second baby was only two and I and we had moved and we were actually built the house we live in now, we were building, we were living in a tiny little rental house. It was actually only one bedroom and we already had two kids in there. So I, I found myself pregnant with another baby and I was just like, oh man, this is just I just had a lot of emotions about that at the time.

00;38;43;05 - 00;39;10;17
Unknown
But I was like, well, we'll make it work. You know? Whatever it is, what it is, and we'll deal with it. So, I actually didn't have any thought of calling anybody else. And then the midwife that had helped me the last time, and we had moved an hour away. So I actually called her and made sure that she would come out to where I had moved out to, and,

00;39;10;20 - 00;39;32;03
Unknown
She said, oh, yeah, sure. You know, I go out there all the time. So I was like, great. So we kind of just did that. The same care with her. And then, I don't know why I was still stuck on that dual care. I found a different OB practice, and I started seeing them, but this time I was like, you know what?

00;39;32;03 - 00;39;48;13
Unknown
I am just I can't even deal with doing that my whole pregnancy. And now I have two other kids right around these appointments with me. So I was like, you know, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to have that mid, mid, pregnancy ultrasound and then I'm going to be done with them. So that's what I did.

00;39;48;13 - 00;40;08;12
Unknown
I, I saw them as I was 20 weeks, I had an ultrasound. And I told them I would call them back to make my next appointment. I just never called and they didn't call me. Yeah. Which is kind of weird. You'd think that somebody, you know, in your practice who's 20 weeks pregnant, it's all for me to stop coming to their prenatal.

00;40;08;18 - 00;40;36;10
Unknown
No. You think that's like. That's. How are you doing? That's high volume care right there. They don't even notice. Right? So I we were hoping to be in our new house, which was not happening. There is no way our go into everything was building a house. It's like a huge can of worms that I would never recommend. So I was like, oh man, I guess I'm having this baby and this tiny little rental, you know, we're gonna make the most of it.

00;40;36;13 - 00;41;04;06
Unknown
And I was like, my son, my who was two when I got pregnant, I was actually quite worried about how he would do, because he was actually, we didn't know it when he was two. I just knew something was up with him. But when he was four, he was diagnosed with autism. So when he was two and I was pregnant, and he was nonverbal, and he was still, he was very developmentally delayed.

00;41;04;08 - 00;41;21;15
Unknown
And so I was like, how am I going to do this? I want my babies like my first was that my birth with him. So like, I want them at my birth. But I was worried about how he was going to do if I got sure or anything like that. So that was kind of on my mind.

00;41;21;15 - 00;41;54;27
Unknown
And then my sister wanted to be that birth, which, I wasn't even sure I was going to call her until when I actually did make the call, which was, about an hour before I delivered. She made it, though, so she made it. I was basically crowning when she walked in. Nice. Yes. So that worked out because I when I told my husband I was in labor, when I finally told him to call her, I told him, I said, tell her, don't talk to me.

00;41;55;00 - 00;42;20;18
Unknown
Don't look at me. You know, just don't say anything. She can come, but not to say anything. So my sister at the time, had had no, no babies of her own. And when I was planning my first home birth with my second child, she had told me she had this dream that I hemorrhaged to death. Well, yeah, before I delivered, of course.

00;42;20;18 - 00;42;40;15
Unknown
And I was like, I still have to have the guts to now, you know, have this baby at home that when you're telling me. That's right. So she had told me that is happening again. That is insane to me, like I how do you not have a filter? And sensitivity? I mean, that's insane. Oh, I'm so sorry. Shit.

00;42;40;22 - 00;43;02;03
Unknown
No, she she was basically like, you know, I hear my sister and I love you, and I'm worried about you. So this is what I dreamt. I know I had told her that. I said I never, ever, ever do that. Don't ever put that in any pregnant woman's head. I'm sure she's, like, nine months pregnant. She's thinking she's being helpful in some weird way, right?

00;43;02;05 - 00;43;21;23
Unknown
Yeah, I'm not sure. So she wanted to be at the my third birth. So I was like, well, I'll think about it. I'll think about it. Anyway, she ended up she did make it with like a second to spare because the very last one I was like, well, okay, call her, but tell her not to talk to me.

00;43;21;26 - 00;43;38;26
Unknown
So with that labor, I woke up in labor in the morning at like 41.5 weeks pregnant, and I woke up and I was like, oh yeah, there's a contraction, you know. And I was like, oh. And there's, you know. And so some kind of tightening up timing, and I was kind of, I was out on the couch because we only had one bedroom.

00;43;38;28 - 00;43;56;04
Unknown
So my son was still in my bed and then like a front part of the bedroom, my daughter was in her, twin bed. So I was laying on the couch and I was just. I told my husband I was like, I think I'm having contractions. But I was kind of trying to snooze through, I wasn't really timing.

00;43;56;06 - 00;44;37;05
Unknown
I was like, you know, I'm gonna go take a shower and, you know, I was like, call the midwife and tell her I think I'm in labor, but tell her, it's not time to come yet. Oh, that's the other part I forgot was, when I was about 38 weeks pregnant, my midwife took on a client with my same due date, and I had emotions about it because I had this feeling that that that client and I, the other woman and I, I said the minute I knew she hired her, I said, we're going to have our baby on the same day.

00;44;37;07 - 00;44;51;29
Unknown
And I would do I said, oh, no, don't you know, that never happened. Don't worry about that. And I said, I just know it. I can feel it. Yeah. Never, never. To be honest. I said, we're going to. I just knew it. I said, we're going to have our baby on the same day. I just know it.

00;44;51;29 - 00;45;12;29
Unknown
And and I hired you first as a working with you since the beginning of my pregnancy. So you are coming here and she goes, oh, you know, don't worry about that. That never happens. That's all she was saying about it. So I go into labor, I get in the shower, I said, call her, tell her I'm in labor, but don't tell her to tell her I don't want her here yet.

00;45;12;29 - 00;45;29;18
Unknown
Just hard and labor. So he does. And then, we lived in a tiny little house. We had a tiny, little hot water heater. So he had come in and he goes, you know, Heather, you're using all the hot water you need a, you know, if you want a water bath, you should probably get out of the shower.

00;45;29;18 - 00;45;48;29
Unknown
And I was so mad at him that he had told me to get out of the shower because it felt so good. But I knew I knew he was right. So I said, all right, you know, in my head, I'll get out of the shower. We'll let the hot water tanks fill up. And when I got out of the shower, I said, you know what?

00;45;49;02 - 00;46;09;05
Unknown
This is a little bit more intense, and I think you better call that midwife and tell her to call ahead and come out here. Now. She has an hour drive, so he goes, okay. So I went and I locked myself in my in the bedroom. All the kids were up at this time, so they were all they all got up and were watching cartoons in the living room.

00;46;09;08 - 00;46;33;08
Unknown
And I shut my bedroom door and I just lay down in my bed, and I was just writing those contractions, and I just felt like they were coming faster. And I would say this labor felt stronger sooner than my second. That felt way more gradual. Have way much more time. So when he called her, she got up to my house here.

00;46;33;11 - 00;46;55;05
Unknown
My husband came in and and said that she was there and that they were setting up the pool already. And, I guess what had happened is she had walked in, he was doing dishes and, you know, the cancer messing around. And he's like, hey, you know, like he thought we had all the time. And she she said she could hear me in the bedroom moaning through my contractions.

00;46;55;08 - 00;47;18;15
Unknown
And she was like, are we doing a water bath? Because if we are, yeah, get to the full set up. Right, right. And he was like, what? Already like just confused. Like he didn't realize it was one half. So like I said, I was. Oh. And then I remember I was just laying in the bed and occasionally I would get up and move around and I could see feet under the door.

00;47;18;18 - 00;47;37;22
Unknown
Somebody was stopping outside the door listening to me, and I was like, you know, there's, you know, there's spying on me. They're pushing it. And I knew who it was. It was either the midwife or the the apprentice midwife listening, probably timing, who knows what they were doing. But I was like, you know what? This house is not that big.

00;47;37;25 - 00;47;54;10
Unknown
I could hear them walking back and forth across the floor. They're like, can I get some freaking privacy? I know, and I was in my bedroom by myself in the dark, and, you know, my husband would come in and he'd be like, you're not alone. And he tried to rub my shoulder and I was like, I am definitely not alone out here.

00;47;54;15 - 00;48;18;04
Unknown
Like, that's funny. Obviously not alone. I'm with child like, you don't need to be in here. Get out of my face. Yeah. So I'm a very private person. Or at least labor. And as far as, like, you know, when the birth comes, I'm like, yeah, I want all my kids to watch. But, so the next thing I knew, I was really kind of like, I can feel that baby moving down in my bed.

00;48;18;07 - 00;48;41;09
Unknown
That's not, you know, not set up for a ladder. Nothing. And I midwives had come in the room and she said, what do you feel, Heather? And I said, the baby is coming. She was like, you're ready. Why don't you go in your pool? And so I did. I was like, okay, let's go. I jump in the pool.

00;48;41;11 - 00;49;04;10
Unknown
Next thing you know, probably within three minutes of jumping in the pool, I had my baby, my harness, and, it was it was good. It was good. Except I had. I felt like I had told the midwife that I wanted to catch the baby myself. But I don't know if she didn't hear me, but she had helped.

00;49;04;15 - 00;49;25;05
Unknown
We had both caught the baby. And the one thing I do remember, like I, I didn't have a birth photographer, but we took a video that birth. She put a hat on the baby. I really didn't want that. That was kind of weird. In, in our birthing area, hats were just kind of on the way out.

00;49;25;05 - 00;49;49;20
Unknown
Everybody was still having babies when I had my first home birth. And, and it was a new idea when I was kind of starting to have my second home birth of, we don't need to have these babies. So I kind of not wanted her to have a hat on and you know, and I was like there was a hat on my baby and I mean there's still a very good home birth.

00;49;49;22 - 00;50;08;13
Unknown
It was a good experience and my, my son did great. I had walked out of that bedroom and my son was watching SpongeBob and I could hear it was like, you know, humans are kind of under the sea. So I get in this pool and the TV is right about me. And I was like, oh no, I am not giving birth to SpongeBob SquarePants.

00;50;08;15 - 00;50;29;28
Unknown
Fair enough. They're all laugh, right? They're laughing. So they said, oh, you know, turn it off. So they did. They turned it off and and he did. Okay. And my sister, who had walked in out just as just in the nick of time, was holding him, I think, while I delivered and brought this baby out. Beautiful. So it was good that it took a little while longer.

00;50;30;00 - 00;50;52;08
Unknown
I couldn't get it out in the pool. I wasn't really having a lot of contractions. Midwife gave me some herbs. I went to the toilet. Not a lot. Was working to get this thing out. Oh, and right after I delivered that baby, they're all laughing because they're like, guess who else is in labor today? Yeah. Crazy right now.

00;50;52;10 - 00;51;15;24
Unknown
I said, oh, yeah, I know it, I knew it, I knew it was from the day, you know, you took her on. We were having our baby the same day. So now, she was sending her her back up to this other client, and her backup was a long. So she was kind of like, you know, we got to get this stuff out.

00;51;15;26 - 00;51;46;05
Unknown
And, you know, I. I hate to say it, I kind of felt rushed, but maybe I did, you know, subconsciously, like, okay, I'm like, the placenta comes out in a bowl, I get an herbal bath, I'm not even in my bed yet. And, my midwife is gone. She's gone to this other lady in labor. And she was like, you know, the the assistant can wrap up, right?

00;51;46;07 - 00;52;12;12
Unknown
You know, it's fine. And I said, okay, so I did my herbal bath and I think I got in the bed and, I mean, like the minute I got in my bed, that assistant was gone to the next one. Wow. So, like, there's, you know, dishes and stuff. And my sister was kind of like, no, you know, I don't help you clean up, and you know, like, yeah, she's like, wow, they're they're gone really fast, you know?

00;52;12;12 - 00;52;41;22
Unknown
And I was like, well, you know, somebody else was in labor. But I guess I would say maybe that did bother me. Sure that they rushed off like that. But when you pay someone, you know, however a couple thousand dollars to literally be at your birthday postpartum and. Yeah, right. She did the newborn thing. While I was in the herbal bath, she asked me if it was okay if she weighed the baby and everything when I wasn't there to watch her do it.

00;52;41;22 - 00;53;04;00
Unknown
And I was like, wow, okay. Rushed you? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, well, you know, whatever. Just bring me my baby at that point and then my herbal bath because I wanted to nurse her and well, and that's the thing. And that's what's so frustrating is, you know, what are you supposed to say at that point? You know, that that's the most like irritating is is what you're going to be.

00;53;04;02 - 00;53;20;01
Unknown
I mean, you know, also on a deeper level, we've been socialized to be submissive as women. We've been socialized to be polite, you know, and all of this stuff. And so, you know, she's putting you in a position where you have to be okay with it, even though you're actually not right. You know, it would be super weird.

00;53;20;01 - 00;53;39;29
Unknown
I mean, of course, I don't actually think it would have been is it's like, you know, if we had a different culture to actually say, you know what? I'm feeling really rushed. This actually is not feeling good. I do want to see my baby get weighed. So why don't you just, like, deal with that and not run a practice that puts me in a position where you know, you can't give me the full quick.

00;53;40;02 - 00;54;07;09
Unknown
The care that we agreed I would get. Right? Right. It pisses me off. I really, really do. Right well. And I really like this midwife, too. I mean, I, I adored her and of course, I felt like, you know, she wouldn't, you know, she wouldn't rush me on purpose. Like, you know, obvious and right. And you can't it's hard now from coming from a midwives perspective to it.

00;54;07;09 - 00;54;38;13
Unknown
It's tough. So bad when you've got two moms and labor at the same time. I mean how you choose it. I mean, what who calls you first? Yes. You choose the one who calls you first. And you, I mean, I would say you run a practice with enough solid backup support that has also spent time and bonded with all of your clients so that the other client who's in labor gets a full, consistent team who just wouldn't result of you because you're you're with somebody and you're going to be there for at least three hours postpartum because that's what's what's right.

00;54;38;13 - 00;55;03;23
Unknown
And that's what you expect. Right? There are this is obviously another conversation, but there are models that midwives could follow if they wanted to. You know, where where this stuff wouldn't have to happen. And I'm feeling particularly and passionate about that as I'm hearing your story, because I just interviewed another mom the other day who had the exact same story, who had a midwife show up and she was gone before the placenta was out.

00;55;03;26 - 00;55;24;02
Unknown
She left and she did. Then the placenta and postpartum was left to the assistant. And, you know, it's just pisses me off. But like you said, as a birth worker and, you know, for you as a midwife and me as a midwifery student and, and who loves and works with midwives, I do see it from their perspective. And it's, it's challenging in that way.

00;55;24;03 - 00;55;50;14
Unknown
Do. Yeah. And you know, but putting you in the position as the mother and because you love her and respect her and admire her and because you're a woman and have empathy for her position, you were willing to say, okay, I understand, but it left you with this like, feeling. And that absolutely did. So, her apprentice, I think she made me a smoothie.

00;55;50;14 - 00;56;00;22
Unknown
I was in bed. She laughs. My sister's like, oh, man, I learned all these dishes. And you know, there's a gross blender I have to clean now, you know,

00;56;00;24 - 00;56;23;24
Unknown
So. Oh, that's oh, that's the other thing. So then normally my midwife would come back for a one day postpartum and then either a 3 or 7 day and then a two week and then a six week. So, the next day I get a text from my midwife that says, you know, just the apprentice is going to come.

00;56;23;24 - 00;56;46;07
Unknown
Okay. And I was kind of like, you know, what can you say? Right? Like, you, you kind of just rushed out to go help another woman, which I understand. But now you're not even coming back for my one day. So I was like, well, so I actually, I think I actually text your back and I was like, so why aren't you coming?

00;56;46;09 - 00;57;24;09
Unknown
And she was like, she says she had her daughter had a soccer tournament or something across the state, and that she would make it up for me. She would bring me dinner for my three day. And again, no, not to not to beat a dead horse here. But if her model included a team of midwives that you had bonded with and that you already knew, you know, because also from from I'm thinking from the birth worker's perspective, you know, we know how stressful that is that she's trying to balance, oh my gosh, her daughter's you know, you're going into labor and she knows her daughter's things the next day.

00;57;24;09 - 00;57;45;23
Unknown
And then another woman goes into labor and she's trying to be everything. She's wearing 20 pounds once. And that is so stressful. To the midwife. Her doula. And so I totally feel for that and have been there and all of that. And, you know, I, I do think it is this larger conversation that needs to be had in the birth worker community of, you know, there are other models.

00;57;45;23 - 00;58;06;06
Unknown
We can be creative here. You know, there are ways that this all could have been prevented. And it's a normal and common story, unfortunately. You know that, right? You know, they're stressed out and you're feeling gypped. And all of that could have been avoided if if she worked with people who you already knew and bonded with and loved and trusted just like her, you know, so then it wouldn't have been a big deal.

00;58;06;06 - 00;58;31;05
Unknown
But sending like a stranger who just went to your birth and yeah, well, she wasn't a stranger. And in her defense, I didn't know. I do know her, apprentice. She's now her own midwife also. But, I didn't know her. She had never done any prenatal care with me, but I didn't know her. And, it's not that I didn't trust her, but she was pretty new to attending birth at the time.

00;58;31;07 - 00;58;58;17
Unknown
And, I don't know, I guess, like, as the consumer of midwifery services, I felt like I hired the midwife to do my appointments like she did. She couldn't. She could have at least asked me ahead of time. Like, if I can't make it, can my assistant fill in? Like, none of that was discussed, like ahead of time, right?

00;58;58;17 - 00;59;23;27
Unknown
It's actually could have been avoided if she if she had helped you manage your expectations more accurately, if she had been transparent and, you know, and, you know, transparency is a big issue in midwifery. You know, I don't find people to be transparent enough. And this is such an awesome example of being like, hey, this is what happens when when she told you, for whatever reason, there was another client with the due date, same as yours.

00;59;23;27 - 00;59;51;04
Unknown
That was a beautiful opportunity to say, let's explore what it can look like if this does happen, you know, and here's what it's going to look like. And let's prepare for that. And why don't you spend some time with this assistant and data or whatever, you know, so that it took some of the edge off, right? Yeah. I mean, and in regards to that, this other person, she, that other woman actually did call the midwife first and say, I'm in labor.

00;59;51;06 - 01;00;12;23
Unknown
And then I guess I, my husband called right after her with that first call that, oh, Heather's in labor, but don't come yet. And then it was when he called the second time and said, Heather said, come now. That was the first come now call she got. Was she I mean, but what if that other lady had said, oh no I need you here now.

01;00;12;23 - 01;00;41;09
Unknown
Right. Who I mean like that could have played out completely differently. Oh stressful. Yeah. Yeah. So she didn't come to the one day. It was fine. I mean I knew her assistant I'm friends with her. She's a great midwife. It was just me like oh you know, she, you know like oh well everybody's like, well, if she ran out on you and now she's not coming back here one day, and she did bring me dinner for my three days.

01;00;41;09 - 01;01;06;17
Unknown
She made a great. She actually taught me how to make it. We call it magical midwife stew. It's like a beef barley stew. It's so good. So she made that. I mean, we had a good postpartum time, and, it was actually after that first that I kind of thought, like, you know, maybe I could help women have home birth.

01;01;06;19 - 01;01;27;02
Unknown
And I had asked her about it, and she was she was very she was like, oh, absolutely. And you living out here now an hour, you know, out in the in the country versus where I live, it would actually even be helpful for me to have an assistant out here. It sounds like. Yeah. And this area of the state.

01;01;27;02 - 01;01;47;15
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, she was like, absolutely. You know, when you're, you know, you can why don't you come with me to appointments? You can bring the baby, and then when you're ready, let me know. And you can start shadowing me and my other assistant at birth. It would be the three of us, you know, you could you could observe.

01;01;47;18 - 01;02;14;15
Unknown
And, so I was like, okay, great. So, you know, it's like it was kind of an exciting time starting to work with her. And I did go and do a midwifery assistant training. And when I came back from that, I had my first birth with her. So I had started, you know, I would call apprenticing this particular midwife, she does she says she does not take apprentices.

01;02;14;15 - 01;02;41;27
Unknown
She only takes on assistants. You know, whatever you want to call it. So I had started attending births with her and, and doing different things, doing appointments with her. And it was a lot of fun and it was all new and very exciting for me. And, the second birth I ever did was my first solo catch was nine myself.

01;02;41;27 - 01;03;16;04
Unknown
So that was super exciting. And, I made a great friend. That woman is now a very good friend of mine. And, yeah, it's just it was great. So I had been working with her, you know, attending birth with her. And my third baby. She was she turned to a couple months after her second birthday, and I'm actually a runner, so I was training for this marathon.

01;03;16;07 - 01;03;34;09
Unknown
My third full marathon. And I was like, It's really weird. Like, I don't remember the last time I had a period. Maybe it's because I'm doing all I'm doing. I was running, you know, maybe. And I just was kind of like, whatever. And I kind of ignored it for a while. And I ran my marathon, and then I was like, you know, something's up.

01;03;34;11 - 01;04;04;26
Unknown
So I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. Wow. And I was I was very upset. I was, actually preventing pregnancy. I wasn't planning a pregnancy. I was deep into work. I was not only working now with that one midwife. I had started working with a second midwife. And I was really, really just trying to get experience and found myself expecting a baby.

01;04;04;29 - 01;04;15;01
Unknown
And I was like, wow. I mean, like, you know, kind of like with my third, like, we don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'm having a baby.

01;04;15;04 - 01;04;38;11
Unknown
But this time I was like, I, I don't know why. I was just like, I want to do this one different. I, I'm not going to be running to that OB for dual care. I don't need that, you know. Right. And then I was kind of like is that, you know like always in the back of my head I'm like, could I do this just by myself?

01;04;38;13 - 01;05;11;10
Unknown
Do I, you know, do I even need to have a midwife there. Talk to my husband about it. And he's like whatever you want. Yeah. You know, whatever. What are you going to do right at this point. Whatever you want to do I'll support you. So I the first midwife that I had originally started apprenticing with, who has been my midwife twice, I brought it up one time in her car while we're driving to prenatal and.

01;05;11;10 - 01;05;34;19
Unknown
And she knew I was pregnant. I Alex Hunter picture of the test. You know, like, oh my God, look at this. Crazy. So she knew I was pregnant, but I was like, I told her, I said, you know, my husband and I were kind of considering to do this unassisted. And like, I could tell she wasn't comfortable with it.

01;05;34;22 - 01;05;57;20
Unknown
She was like, well, why would you want to do that? You know, I do all my apprentices births for free, so it's not like it's going to cost you anything. And like, I don't know how to describe it. Like every time I would see her after I first brought it up, she would say something bad about unassisted, or she would talk about like, oh, did you see those?

01;05;57;20 - 01;06;27;04
Unknown
Knew she would see. Did you see those new, births? Statistics, home birth statistics, hunger, state safety statistics that came out. But they include unassisted births in those statistics. And they it and I was just like, okay, so this you know, and I finally I asked her, I said, you know, you said she she was a mother to, I believe, eight babies of her own.

01;06;27;06 - 01;07;01;06
Unknown
And I said, you had said you had some of yours unassisted. And, you know, she said, well, I did, because back then I couldn't find a midwife, and I hated it. I hated that birth with honesty. So she said that. And then we would go to her clients houses to where I was observing her do prenatal appointments, and the next thing I know, she would be talking to her client about the danger of unassisted.

01;07;01;09 - 01;07;22;17
Unknown
And then she would while she was talking about it, she would glance at me. So it was I felt like she was talking to me. Yeah, for sure. Through her client. Right. So then kind of the one day we're in the car and she, she had said, like I was like, well, I guess she was like, maybe she said, you know, you guys still considering that assisted.

01;07;22;17 - 01;07;47;18
Unknown
And I was like, well, we're considering all of our options. I'm excited. Anything at so early? That was the time to think about that. And she said, well, me and her other apprentice she knows will be there anyway. And when she said that, it really bothered me. Yeah. What does that even mean? I still hadn't even invited her.

01;07;47;20 - 01;08;11;21
Unknown
Right. And I still told her I was completely undecided, and I felt like she just invited herself into my space, and, that's my that's my space. Like, you don't come unless I invite you. Like, what do you mean, you're going to be there anyway? You're not gonna be there if I don't call you. You know what I mean?

01;08;11;21 - 01;08;32;17
Unknown
Like little things. So I was talking to the other midwife that I was now apprenticing with also, because the first with the first midwife, she was trying to keep me, like, geographically in my area, it was very slow. So I just really wanted to get more birth. So I reached out to this other midwife. She kind of took me on.

01;08;32;17 - 01;08;49;26
Unknown
We hit it off, great friends with her now, as she was like, you know what? More power to you. You want to have your baby by yourself, wherever you want. She was. She had three babies of her own. Her I'll have to hospital birth. And she said if I ever have a fourth, that's how I would do it.

01;08;49;26 - 01;09;22;13
Unknown
She goes, I had to bring my baby out, you know, Lion King style and be like, you know, this, you know. So she was still for support. I said, you needed that and I absolutely needed that. So one day I was on Facebook and, gosh, her name is escaping. You know, Karla Hartley, Karla Hartley had posted something about unassisted burgers and midwives, and I can't remember what exactly she said, but I had wrote on there.

01;09;22;13 - 01;09;45;25
Unknown
I wrote thank you, pushed into. The next thing I know, my phone was going crazy with text messages from the first midwife telling me that she was taking me off call. Oh geez, that I was. That her and I had different philosophies. Well, that is that is true.

01;09;45;27 - 01;10;06;22
Unknown
That, she didn't even know why I wanted to be a midwife if I didn't want a midwife at my birth. Oh, my God, she's so threatened. And that. Yeah, and that I hurt her feelings that she saw what I posted on Facebook because it was two tours. It was. Thank you. That she saw that and that she needed time to think.

01;10;06;22 - 01;10;35;27
Unknown
And from then on, I was off call with her and I just was now controlling. So. And I was so upset and it's it's it's not funny, but it's, I don't know the right word for it. It's she she only further pushed you towards unassisted. Like all of that energy is only validating why you would want to not have a midwife there at, she is representing midwives, you know, like, it's it's so counterproductive.

01;10;35;27 - 01;10;59;05
Unknown
And I guess as a larger generalization, it's so counterproductive to judge people, you know, because often we are pushed, we push them away from the thing we don't want them to do by judging them to do it. Right. Well, her reaction sealed the deal. Exactly. I immediately told my husband, I am doing this by myself. I don't want anybody there, just you and the kids.

01;10;59;05 - 01;11;27;06
Unknown
We are doing this, you know that sealed the deal. As far as any decision making at all. I mean, I was just like. And then I felt so upset and kind of sad. And because I had this relationship with this midwife and, and it was just over in an instant, I mean, to get over, right, to get dumped over, you know, following your over very personal truths is really sad.

01;11;27;09 - 01;11;49;19
Unknown
Right? Right. So, yeah, I kind of sealed the deal. And from that point on, I just started kind of planning on a home birth at or unassisted home birth. The other midwife I was working with, she did offer a few times. She was like, you know, if you need me, you can call me, but you don't have to.

01;11;49;21 - 01;12;13;05
Unknown
And I was like, of course, you know, it's and I know I could call any of the midwives I work with. They'd be there and, you know, if I needed them to. But she never like, pressured me. That maybe I was due in the middle of July with. And I thought, you know what? I was, like, kind of heard about people like, you know, having their babies outside in Michigan.

01;12;13;06 - 01;12;31;15
Unknown
It's kind of cold any other time of the year except like July and August? Maybe we could have this baby outside. And we have a great spot. We have a pond right off the back of our house, and so, so telling my husband about that. But of course, that particular summer was kind of on the cool side.

01;12;31;18 - 01;12;51;15
Unknown
So I had some anxieties as my due date got closer about where I was going to actually be. I was like, if it's 50 degrees at night and I go into labor and I'm having this baby at night, I'm not doing it outside in 50 degrees. The whole, so somehow I got it and I had I was like, you know what?

01;12;51;17 - 01;13;15;17
Unknown
I don't think this baby can't come out until August because it's going to be too cold. And I really want to do this outside, and I want it to be perfect. And, you know, this is going to be my big, you know, unassisted birth. You know, I got to show that midwife is going to be great. And, so, you know, 40 weeks roll around 41 weeks earlier, around 42 weeks earlier.

01;13;15;19 - 01;13;39;24
Unknown
And I'm like, yeah, they coming out yet that August. But so the morning of August 1st I woke up and I was like 42 weeks and like five days pregnant. And my husband was like, oh, I feel kind of weird this morning, but feel okay. I mean, that's so weird. So my husband, he goes, well, what does that mean?

01;13;39;24 - 01;13;59;17
Unknown
Should I go to work? And he works like 20 minutes away. So yeah, I go to work. You know, this could take all day. Who knows? Just go to work. I'll tell you later. So. Oh, of course, my, my other midwife friend, left the day before she drove down to Florida for a week, so she was gone.

01;13;59;21 - 01;14;29;16
Unknown
I couldn't call her even if I wanted her to. So she goes to work, and I'm start, you know, got this contraction timer thing on my phone, and I'm like, oh, that's how they're, like, eight minutes apart. Have these contractions, they're like eight minutes apart, you know? Whatever. Okay, I got some in labor. And I think I called my husband like an hour later and I said, you know, I come home at lunch.

01;14;29;19 - 01;14;51;14
Unknown
Come on the lunch time, probably a good time. And so he goes, okay, so. Oh, my son had since been, you know, diagnosed with autism. And so we have in-home therapy for him. And the therapist was scheduled 1230 to 230. He goes, well, you know, I gave her a heads up that you're in labor. You probably have the baby today.

01;14;51;16 - 01;15;13;06
Unknown
She says, just keep her posted. You know, you still wanted to come out. And I said, yeah, let's have her come do the therapy. He's not going to therapy. Just come in labor, you know. So the therapist comes, my husband comes home. Oh yeah I was like I want Wendy's I'm going to go get Wendy's. My house is like you're not driving anywhere.

01;15;13;06 - 01;15;32;17
Unknown
The nearest Wendy's from here is like 20 minutes one way. So that's 40 minutes from Sheffield. So you are not driving anywhere. I'll go get one of these if you really want it. But I don't think you're going to want it. By the time I get back. I'm like, yeah, go get it. So he went, got Wendy's with the taco, comes to my house, is working with my son, doesn't know I'm in labor.

01;15;32;20 - 01;15;49;04
Unknown
I keep going back in my room, I'm watching TV and I'm shutting the door. And then I would come out and I'd be like, oh, you know, hey. Then I'd go back to my room, you know, every five minutes. And, he comes back with the Wendy's. I took one bite out of the hamburger. I was like, yeah, I can't eat that.

01;15;49;04 - 01;16;10;19
Unknown
Yeah, your husband's like a total midwife. Now, I know. So I actually, I got in the shower and I got out of the shower because to say, oh, he was, you know, same thing with the hot water. So we were actually planning, an outdoor water birth. So he's like, I think I gotta get this pool set up.

01;16;10;21 - 01;16;32;17
Unknown
And I got to get it filled up and stuff. So I'm like, all right. So I'm in my room and the therapist is still here and I'm in my room and I'm looking. I'm watching him. He's setting stuff up, you know, and and I'm hard laboring now. Like, I put a Chuck's pad down on my carpet, and I was like, this little spot was.

01;16;32;17 - 01;16;54;12
Unknown
This spot was great. Forget that. I was like, I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, right. Wait. Hold on. Is the. Is the therapist still there? Yeah. Yeah. She's still she's still working with my son. That's awesome. You know. Does she know you're in labor yet? No. No, she hasn't I don't think she does. So in my head she doesn't.

01;16;54;15 - 01;17;21;12
Unknown
Yeah I don't think she does. So where are your other kids today? At school. No. They're home okay. Yeah. They're home. My oldest was nine, so I had told her I was like, you know, just keep keep the two and a half year old away from me. Basically, like, baby, I'm having a baby today. And I'll come out.

01;17;21;12 - 01;17;38;12
Unknown
You know, and I'll. I'll take my hand and be like, you know, good job, my son. And then I'll go back to my room. But, just keeping myself distracted. I remember I was watching, like, a episode of two and a Half Men to keep myself distracted. So then.

01;17;38;15 - 01;18;04;23
Unknown
I think my husband recognized that, like, labor was moving much faster than I guess I thought. And I was like, yeah, you know, I was like, either here or, you know, that point ready? This this is great. And he's running with shoulders and he's filling up the pool outside. And I was like, whatever. The therapist would leave, you have to sign the sheet.

01;18;04;25 - 01;18;27;23
Unknown
Like transferring basically my son from like under her care to our care. So I was I knew it was getting close to 230. I knew that this girl, I was like, she needs to she needs to leave. Like something needs the assignment sheets and it's not going to be me. So I'm yelling out the window to him, go sign the sheet and he's trying to get the pool set up.

01;18;27;23 - 01;18;50;25
Unknown
And so he comes and he goes and signs the sheet and I watch him. He's I just remember watching him establish his this running around stuff. And, I yelled out the window and I was like, is she gone yet? And he comes at any company. He's like, oh, she's cleaning up the therapy room. I said, no, you tell her to get out with this board, this poor lady.

01;18;50;27 - 01;19;15;06
Unknown
Okay? So he goes down to the therapy room and he says, you know, Heather's in labor. She goes, oh, okay. Okay. I'll he's, you know, you guys got to get going. Hi, John. My husband, he goes, no, we're not going anywhere. But she says the baby's coming like now, so you need to leave. Oh my gosh, I hope you guys laughed about that later together.

01;19;15;08 - 01;19;37;21
Unknown
Oh for sure, for sure. So she goes, okay. He goes, don't worry about cleaning out. Just she wants you to go. So she leaves. And I was like, is she gone? And she's finally gone. And he goes, yeah. And I said, okay, because the baby's coming now. This fight looks great. This is going down right here. Forget that.

01;19;37;21 - 01;19;58;06
Unknown
And he goes, Heather, the pool is ready. He's like, for the love of God. Yes. Why don't you go get in the pool? And I was like, I'm not going to make it. I'll tell you what. We built a very big house and it's a quite a long walk. I said, I don't think I'm going to make it out to that pool.

01;19;58;08 - 01;20;22;22
Unknown
And he almost quit being so dramatic and go get in the pool. Oh, my God, everybody tells you to go get in that damn pool. I know, I know. So I muster up everything I could, and I got from my room, through the living room, out my back to our. And I started having contraction in the grass and I thought, I'm either going to fall down and push a baby out in the grass, or I'm going to make it to that pool.

01;20;22;22 - 01;20;38;12
Unknown
So I just powering through. I hopped in that pool. Oh my gosh. Yeah. The video cameras on he is he has he has set your stage.

01;20;38;14 - 01;21;08;21
Unknown
Yeah. He set the stage. My you know, the baby's coming out. He's asking me, do you need towels? Do you need it? And he say something about more towels. And I was like, calm down. Yeah, the baby is coming out. You know, right now we don't need whatever. We don't need that. So. Oh, yeah. And then my third child, my now two and a half year old third child is taking her clothes off.

01;21;08;23 - 01;21;26;26
Unknown
Oh my gosh. So she wants to go swimming right. You know in the pool. So but I had a great birth with I just I pushed her out and I it's warm ahead of time. You know with doing that unassisted I was like you know once I had comes out third time I realize I don't know how big this baby is.

01;21;26;26 - 01;21;49;26
Unknown
And you know, we don't we don't have all kinds of time with their heads out and so she, like, zooms out the video like, zooms in on my crotch because he's going to start this time, right? And you see me, you see my hand loop a cord over her head. Cool. And the whole body just shoots out and I call her out.

01;21;49;26 - 01;21;58;21
Unknown
And by the time he got back from started his timer, I had pulled her up out of the water and I said.

01;21;58;23 - 01;22;19;07
Unknown
Oh my gosh. And your little, your third, your third little is is standing next to the pool ready to get in. Oh yeah yeah, yeah. And my oldest was there too, my son who was he was not. He just got out of that therapy session and he did not want to come outside. So that was the only birth he did not witness.

01;22;19;09 - 01;22;38;22
Unknown
So he came out right after. And. Yeah. And it was good. But yeah, it was just it was great. It was absolutely awesome. And, you know, I caught her myself and there was no hat. And when I, when I said, give me the towel, there was a towel there. And, you know, she didn't get a bomb threat.

01;22;38;22 - 01;22;57;10
Unknown
She didn't need that. I just wipe your face off. She had matched her water. I mean, that's almost 43 weeks, right? Of course. Well, I don't know what I wasn't expecting. That was my first baby of mine that had met in her in the water. So I guess I wasn't expecting that. So I was like oh give me a towel.

01;22;57;10 - 01;23;20;10
Unknown
I gotta wipe off her face. She's all goopy with this poke, you know. But yeah, then I felt after pains like labor with that, with that. And I was like, oh my God. So I'm like, gotta get this placenta out. So I was kind of giving it core traction myself. And I was like, I just want that thing out of me.

01;23;20;13 - 01;23;38;12
Unknown
And it still took like over an hour though before it finally came out. But I remember wanting it out even more so because I didn't want to cut her cord. I wanted to burn it. I wanted to take like the pictures, the cool pictures of the baby and placenta. Right next to each other, you know, still attached.

01;23;38;12 - 01;23;56;08
Unknown
So I was just like, get this thing out of me. And my husband's like well don't just pull it out, you know. And I think he turned his head for a second. And the next thing he knew, I had it in my hand. And I'm like, give me the ball. You're like a magician. Like, every time he looks, look over here.

01;23;56;11 - 01;24;10;05
Unknown
I'll, like, give me the ball. He goes, did you just pull that thing out? I said, what kind of? I pushed it out too, but I couldn't see a ball. You know, that's an eye hand here. Like, get off my back, dude. Yeah, from there, from there we had I was like, I'm ready to get out of the pool.

01;24;10;07 - 01;24;29;14
Unknown
So from there, we did have a long walk from where we had the baby outside. I went, you know, into the house, use the toilet, got into my bed. Did you get did you get your. Oh, we did, we did a nice cord burning thing with the kids. And you know that I got to wave the baby and, you know, did all that.

01;24;29;18 - 01;24;47;22
Unknown
Did you get your waffles? Oh, French toast and French toast. Sorry. Nice. Yes. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Here's what you know. Of course, by that time, it's like 6:00 at night. What do you want to eat? And, like, French toast. Obviously, after every time you have a baby, you are French toast. And I was like, well, that was a tradition.

01;24;47;24 - 01;25;11;19
Unknown
Totally half. If you do it, you're like, I'll take the French toast in that six hour old Wendy's. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't even know it. I think I threw that away. Oh, Wendy's not a good idea. You're an active labor, but yeah. Yeah. So I mean, and it was just fabulous. And, I, you know, I was just like, oh, great.

01;25;11;19 - 01;25;36;26
Unknown
Another girl, my third girl. Wow. But it was it was perfect. She's great. And how old? It says, how old is she now? She's two and a half now. Okay, so at the time of her birth, your third was two and a half. Yeah. Oh, that's such a big joke around here. Yeah. Be careful. Yeah, yeah. This is prime time.

01;25;36;26 - 01;26;04;11
Unknown
Yeah. That is, it's, Oh, man. Nope. I'm like, oh, I can't let that happen again. I don't even know how, after being so meticulous and wanting that like 3 to 4 year spacing between my first two. Yeah. I don't know how that worked out, but, yeah, it, the free birth, so unassisted birth was probably the best birth, of my four.

01;26;04;13 - 01;26;30;12
Unknown
I mean, I adore my I adore my midwife assisted home birth. And, you know, now, coming from a midwife perspective, I adore helping women. But there's I don't know what it is about it. It was just everything my whole way. There was, you know, no fear at all in my head while I was in labor about anything at all.

01;26;30;14 - 01;26;51;10
Unknown
There was no poking of me, prodding of me, checking baby checking heart tones. If for any given night there was a cyst at home birth. I never had vaginal exams or anything like that. So, I did try to check myself when I was in labor with my fourth, my unassisted birth. But there is no reaching anything.

01;26;51;12 - 01;27;19;14
Unknown
Well, me out of the shower. Like, what am I even doing? That's stupid. I'm not doing that a point. Yeah, no need. Unless. Unless it's easy for you. Well, we have to wrap up, but I want to. I want to ask you one final question. So coming up for me, so now that you've had midwife assisted births and a free birth and you are a midwife, how has that affected your care and your practice as a midwife?

01;27;19;14 - 01;27;28;26
Unknown
And how how has that shifted, if at all, the way that you are with women post free birth?

01;27;28;29 - 01;27;55;03
Unknown
It has absolutely shifted a lot. I try to be very, very mindful ahead of their birth, asking them, you know what? What do you see your birth looking like? What do you see your postpartum time looking looking with, I'm kind of limited as to what I can do when I assess other midwives. Quiet. You know, like I have to do things their way.

01;27;55;05 - 01;28;26;27
Unknown
So, it's it's shaping the midwife. I hope to be in the future, I would say more than what I'm doing. Right now. Especially with, like, trying to wrap up my certification and, but I would say I'm very aware when things feel off like that sometimes there's a lot of talking right after the baby's born.

01;28;26;27 - 01;28;47;01
Unknown
And sometimes I, I'm like, you know, we don't really need to be chatting like I, when I'm assisting other midwives. I can't just flat out say that, but it is in my head. And when I do have clients of my own and the baby's born, and if I can just even step out of the room and not say anything, absolutely.

01;28;47;01 - 01;29;10;19
Unknown
I want to do that because you know that that's in my head, especially from my third birth, that the shouting of, oh, got too loud because of labor right now. And I don't have the hat on my baby. And like, you're hyper, your senses are still, like, hyper active right after you had a baby. It's a strange, the things you remember.

01;29;10;22 - 01;29;28;25
Unknown
So I try to be aware of that for birthing women. Like, I don't want them to be sitting there thinking of their baby's birth and thinking, oh my goodness. The midwives were just, like, cackling it up, you know, like talking about this and talking about that. It should be a quiet time. I think. Of course it's not quite.

01;29;28;25 - 01;29;53;22
Unknown
It should be the mother talking, right. And her kids and her husband, and they should be the ones doing the talking. Like, why are the midwives always chatty? So it's made you a lot more aware of your own presence? Absolutely. Because it's reminding me of the part of your story. I think it was your second with the kind of being aware that you were being spied on through the door.

01;29;53;24 - 01;30;11;12
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Well, with my third there, I could see the feet. My second one, I was in the pool. I felt like everybody was staring at me, even when they weren't just them being there, I felt like they were staring at me. Well it keeps making me think of the whole cat in the closet. You know that cats go into a closet or a drawer.

01;30;11;19 - 01;30;31;09
Unknown
You know, they go somewhere very private and very by themselves. And, you know, women do too. Yeah, right. Well, at least I do. Yeah. I mean, it's common, of course. I mean, I've seen I've seen some women give birth, you know, with a huge audience. I mean, of course, at the hospital, but I'm talking about at home, you know, and it's.

01;30;31;09 - 01;30;49;18
Unknown
Yeah, some women really like it and can totally do it. But I would say the for me, the majority of births that I've seen, especially if they slow down or she gets into her head, you know, she's got to go have some alone time or some private time with her partner or her midwife or her doula or whatever.

01;30;49;20 - 01;31;10;24
Unknown
Sometimes, you know, I've seen just just the camera getting pulled out slows labor down, you know? Well, we call a party birth. That's what we totally hear. When they start having, they start inviting their mom and their sister and their cousin and their photographer, and then there's a doula, and then there's this, and then I'm like, oh, man, this is I mean, we just, you know, in the background we'll talk.

01;31;10;24 - 01;31;26;24
Unknown
Someone says, well, this is turning into a party birth. Party birth. We we tell the moms, I'm like, party birth. Sounds like fun. It's not. It's going to make your labor take probably twice as long. If it for every extra person you have. It's an add an hour on your labor. Who wants to be on labor all day with a party?

01;31;26;24 - 01;31;49;26
Unknown
But it's not me, you know, I'll take my five hour private labor over a 12 hour public, you know, one any time. And, yeah, I just, I personally, I mean, and I I'll talk to women to especially women that I'm helping and I'm and I'll tell them this is how I was. I was super private. If, you know, don't be afraid to tell me you don't want me there.

01;31;49;26 - 01;32;09;23
Unknown
I won't be offended. And it's not. You do what is right and it's not a performance. You know. Oh, absolutely. And that's that's I mean, we need to wrap up, but that is like, you know, with the moms, with their in-laws, you see it so commonly that or with their own mother, you know, so many people that are dear to her want to be there.

01;32;09;23 - 01;32;31;20
Unknown
And again, going back to this, like socialized submissiveness and wanting to make everybody happy and all of this, you know, I mean, how many births have we been at where the mom has at least one person there that she doesn't even want there, you know, but feels obligated to have there. And yeah, you know, I, I do see moms who are on their second, third and beyond definitely get clear.

01;32;31;20 - 01;32;48;16
Unknown
Of course, that first a first time mom, it's you know, what they think it's going to be like. And what it actually is, is, you know, it just takes experience. It just takes, you know, going through it and seeing that you do kind of want to shut yourself into a bathroom or that you didn't like everybody staring at you like you shared.

01;32;48;16 - 01;33;16;00
Unknown
And yeah, just takes experience for sure. Well, Heather, thank you so much for being on today. That was super fun. I love the variety and your stories and you know what a victorious arc to to get to have gone from, you know, an induction to wonderful, you know, but but pretty heavily, witnessed, you know, births and then and then to have this awesome free birth at the end.

01;33;16;00 - 01;33;36;02
Unknown
So it's beautiful. Yes. It was awesome. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Thank you. All right. Take care. That's it for today. Everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the Free Birth Podcast. Thanks for joining us. And remember your Body, your choice. Lots of love.

The Journey Of 4...From A Hospital Induction To Free Birthing Outside

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