Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in child childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
Today, we have Melinda from Wyoming. After two midwife assisted births, Melinda free birthed her third in the privacy of her home with her family surrounding her. From her husband missing her first birth to driving six hours round trip to her midwife's office with her second to free birthing her third, Melinda shares how liberating it was to experience her third pregnancy being the one in charge. Hi, Melinda.
Speaker 2
Hi.
Speaker 1
Hi. Welcome to the Free Birth podcast. I'm happy to have you here. Thank you for taking the time.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I'm really excited to share my stories with you.
Speaker 1
Why don't you go ahead and just give a little quick introduction about your your mothering history?
Speaker 2
Okay. I have currently have three children. My oldest is four. My next, child is a son, and he will be three next month, and then an eighteen month old, and I'm pregnant with our fourth. And, I've always been interested in home birth. I grew up in a church, really, that had a lot of moms who did home births, all midwife assisted births. So it was all very normal that it it just grew I grew up with that as being a normal option, like a an option that was considered to be safe, to be something that normal women did. It wasn't, like, seen as really far out there or weird. So I've always had that as part of my background. And actually, when I met my husband, I pretty much told him, if this if we're gonna be together, you have to know I'm not having my babies in the hospital unless there's a major emergency. I'm just, you know, I'm I wanna have my babies at home. And so he knew from the very get go that that's what he was getting when he when he married me. So with my first two babies, I had midwife assist of births. My first midwife with my daughter was an amazing midwife. She was a direct entry midwife, which means she was not licensed by the state that we lived in. However, she had been practicing for over twenty years, and she was willing to work with moms who a lot of, doctors and some midwives will consider high risk, either going past their due dates or multiples or breach. And so she was really supportive of me. She was very hands off in a lot of ways, and I think she is kind of even though I wasn't thinking free birth at the time, she has really helped me just to connect more with myself and with my baby and kind of just laid the groundwork where where it really did come around eventually when I did decide to free birth later on. So she was she was a great midwife.
Speaker 1
And she was out in California?
Speaker 2
And she was in California. Okay. And she was I mean, she was the classic case of you go to your prenatals, they last, like, two hours. She's this grandmotherly woman, and, I mean, she literally felt like part of my family by the time I went into labor with my daughter. And, she was I didn't realize this at the time too, but she was kind of doula and midwife for me. She was very she wasn't just there to make, like, medical stuff. She was, I mean, she was she was rubbing my back. She was right there down with me in the tub while I or next to the tub rather while I was laboring. She was very hands on, and I didn't realize at the time that it's very abnormal for midwives. But she was I think she did a lot really to make my first birth experience to be, a good experience overall, especially because my husband did miss that birth. He was out of town for work, so
Speaker 1
she was Oh, no.
Speaker 2
I know. I know. Oh my gosh. So she was she was amazing. She really was. And, that's my first baby, she was born almost two weeks thirteen days past her due date. So that she's kind of a baby too where I realized I tend to go late or
Speaker 1
What was your husband doing out of town two weeks past
Speaker 2
your two fifteen? Well, see, this was actually partly my fault. I got to this mind space where it's like, I'm going to be the first one pregnant forever. Mhmm. So with an emergency came up with work, I just was like, just go. You're gonna be gone, like, twenty four hours. I'm not having this baby, like, ever.
Speaker 1
Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 2
And so both of us being first time parents in a bit, not really thinking that one through, he did. He he left on his trip.
Speaker 1
And It was just you and the midwife?
Speaker 2
No. My mom my mom and one of my sisters were I was already planning to have them there anyways, and so they were they were also there. Oh, that's wonderful.
Speaker 1
So it was a whole family. You're holding all your women in your family.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So then my husband arrived about an hour after she was born and we waited I waited until he got there to find out if it was a boy or girl because we did not had it didn't know. So he still got to be kind of involved, you know, with that and checking to see if it was a girl. And I was so shocked because I was convinced I was convinced I was pregnant with a boy that when he said, oh, it's a girl. I was like, are you sure? He's like, yeah. I'm I'm sure. So so that was my first birth experience, and, it was it was really good for the for the most part. I think the hardest part really was I did experience, the, fetal ejection reflex with her, and it was so much more powerful and overwhelming than what I expected that it kind of freaked me out. So I think that was the most interesting part of her labor, that and realizing that labor is really a mind game more than it is physical pain or physical things going on, Because to me, the hardest part was, I don't know if I can do this for another, you know, ten hours. And it was just really hard keeping myself here, like, this moment, this contraction. And so I just I didn't I expected that I I expected the hard part to be the physical part, and it wasn't for me. It was it was a mind game just to stay here, stay present, and not be, like, I can't I can't keep doing this, like, forever or for, you know, a very long time. So that was the that was kind of my first birth experience. And then actually my labor wasn't that long. It was only seven hours. So it it really wasn't that that bad, in hindsight. At the time, it was overwhelming in some way. But so with my second, we lived in Nebraska, and I had a very hard time finding a midwife because Nebraska is one of the states that does not allow midwives to legally attend home births at all. And so it was really, really hard even finding a midwife who would talk to me. And, as far as I know, there are not and there really are not that many underground midwives in Nebraska. So I did talk to a couple of midwives in adjoining states who would come into Nebraska to attend women. But still, it was kind of hard finding someone who I felt comfortable with. We finally did find a woman who was who lived in an adjoining state, and she was licensed in her state, but not of course, not licensed in Nebraska, and she was willing to work with me. She, I was totally not ready to consider freeborn at this point, so we were driving three hours one way for my prenatal visits.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
And this is this is kind of what got me started thinking about really thinking about free birth because I remember one time driving home from a prenatal and looking at my husband and saying, why are we doing this? I go to these prenatals and, I mean, I decline most testing anyways. I don't do the glucose monitoring. I don't do ultrasounds. And so everything my midwife did are things I can do for myself. Mhmm. I can I can weigh myself? I can do fundal height. I can check the baby's heart, right, with a fetal scope. I can do all these things. So we're driving three hours one way for, like, nothing. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
I
Speaker 2
mean, it just I didn't see the value in it. I really didn't. And in like, I really did not click with this midwife as well as I did with my first one. She was always a birth professional. She was not she did not it was it was just more of a, midwife client relationship as opposed to her really becoming part of our, I don't know, family, for lack of a better word. Like, my first midwife just really felt very personable, and she she never did, my second midwife. And, there were several things. She also there were several warning signs, I guess, you could say throughout my pregnancy with prenatals that she was probably not a really good choice for me because she would keep saying things. She would keep threatening to drop me basically if certain things happened. And, like, if my I remember when she tested my hemoglobin and whenever that was, and my hemoglobin was fine, but she would say, but if it gets to this level, I have to drop you. And I just it added so much stress to me because at the time, I really didn't understand and she didn't even help me really come up with ways to keep my hemoglobin levels in a good range.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
It just felt like it was completely out of my control and if this happens, like, I have no control over and she's gonna drop me.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
As a client. And so, it just it added a level of stress that was really not helpful. And then I had some issues too with being light headed and she just, wanted to like every time I came to her with an issue I'm having this problem, she wanted to diagnose me with gestational diabetes. And she never really asked questions or like that was her first go to. And so she finally did. I finally diagnosed with gestational diabetes. It didn't help with the issues I was having. And so with the light headedness and just feeling off, and my sister is actually the one who suggested to me, maybe you should consider that your iron is iron levels are not where they need to be. And so my sister is the one who helped me figure out what was actually going on and what I needed to do to fix the situation. And so there were just, like, things along the way that really I think I should have listened to and probably not gone through with it with actually having her come to my to my labor. So anyways, when I did go into labor finally and this time instead of I went into labor two days past my due date, I really shocked I was convinced I wasn't a labor because I was expecting to go two weeks past. And then, I don't know, he decided to come closer to my due date. But I, his labor was about seven hours too, and it was this labor was so much better. My husband was there. It was I often think, and I even told people, like, if all of my labors could be like this one, I would have lots and lots of babies. Because it was, I don't I do not remember the pain from this labor. I I seriously do not remember it. It was such an intimate experience just with my husband being there and the just he with him being involved. Like, he was all I needed. Like, in hindsight, like, if it had just been him and me, it probably would have been the best experience ever. And, he would he was truly he was truly amazing. He kind of surprised me actually since he missed our daughter's birth. You know, this was still, like, our first labor together. I had no idea how he was gonna do, but he was absolutely amazing. Anyway, so he was he was awesome. And we I put off calling my midwife for the longest time because I was half hoping the baby would come fast enough, that she would miss it because I still wasn't one hundred percent you know, I didn't really like her. But we waited and waited and waited till we thought I was far enough along that she could drive three hours and it would be fine. But she drove three hours, and I still have not had my son. And the first thing she said to me when she walked in the door was something's wrong. He should have been bored by now. So that immediately changed the tone in the room. It changed how I was feeling. Of course. And, I mean, from that point on, it was just it was just more stressful. Like, there was I was not stressed prior to her arriving. So Wow. Then also, I had told her ahead of time, I don't want any cervical checks. I'm or I will ask you if I decide I want one, but I don't think I don't want one, just to let you know. And so but she immediately started pressuring me. She did listen to my son's heart rate. There was nothing wrong with his heart rate. So, like, when she had told me something's wrong, I mean, there was nothing she didn't tell me there's any reason to think something's wrong other than the fact the baby's not born. His heart rate was fine. And so I she, listened to his heart rate. His heart rate was fine. She started pressuring me to let her do a cervical exam to see if I how far dilated I was. I declined it, but she kept pressuring me until I finally agreed. So she did the exam. I've forgotten how far dilated it was, but she felt a bulging bag of water. So then she was pressuring me, well, let me break your water. And I declined that, but she kept pressuring, kept pressuring, kept pressuring until, I finally agreed to that as well. And so she was also saying all these emotionally manipulating things, like, let me help you. Don't you want me to help you? And my thought was, well, yes, I want you to help me, but not the way you're suggesting. Like, I don't I don't want you breaking my waters. I didn't want the cervical check. Like, she was offering things I did not want, and she should have known I didn't want because I had told her that in our prenatals. But anyways, I finally agreed to let her to break my waters. And my son was born quite quickly after that, within ten or fifteen minutes. And he was born with the quarter on his neck two, possibly three times. And she unwrapped it and gave them to me. And then I came to find out though that apparently she had another mom in labor. And so she left within fifteen minutes of my son being born. She was only at our apartment, like, from the time she arrived and told me something's wrong, he should have been here by now, to all the cervical checks, I'm breaking my water, my son being born, and her kind of checking on him a little bit, she was only there, like, an hour, hour and fifteen minutes, and then she was gone. Wow. And so that was, to me, a very negative experience. So, yeah, I think she was part of the biggest reason or she she was one of the reasons that really got me thinking about free birth for the next time because I felt, I felt like I had trusted her to some extent through all the prenatals that we had that I had told her what I wanted. And in hindsight, I can see maybe I shouldn't have trusted her as much, but I did at the time. And then I felt like she really did not do what was in my best interest or even in the best interest of my baby by pressuring me, by breaking my water. And did she like, the question I never asked her, but the question was always in my mind. Did she rush me so that she could be this other mom? And well, that's I mean, that's not evidence based at all. That's not that's not what I paid her for. I paid her I, like, I wanted her there for me and for my son.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And anyways. Wow. So that was not that was not at all a really good experience.
Speaker 1
I'm curious, did you ever share any of this with her? Did you ever debrief afterwards?
Speaker 2
I did not. I think I probably could now, but it took me a very long time to well, I mean, it's only been almost three years, but it took me it took me a while to really work through why I felt, oh, I can't even I don't even know how to describe it. Why I felt, like, why I would wanna cry when I would talk about his birth or think about my son's birth. Because, I mean, I've heard so many traumatic birth stories. I know this does this doesn't really fit in the scheme of other women's traumatic birth stories. So I kept I kept just I don't know. It just didn't feel like it should have been as big a deal to me as it was. And then trying to explain to my husband too why it was affecting me so emotionally was hard as well because he didn't he didn't quite he didn't quite get it. Like, I would try to explain to him. It took me a while to be able to explain to him why I felt emotionally manipulated and just like she had not with her let me help you, don't you want me to help you questions and then her not respecting when I declined care. And then it took me a while to try to
Speaker 1
Yeah. You created a relationship with her that ultimately she betrayed your trust and and betrayed your trust around the autonomy of your own body that you had already verbalized to her that you expected and that should be a part of midwifery care. So, yeah, maybe it's not, you know, the most traumatic birth story I've ever heard but any any sort of violation against your body in such a vulnerable time, you know, that's very real. And I'm glad you were able to find the words eventually because, you know, I do I do see so many women struggle with this dual reality where parts of their labor can be wonderful and other parts of it can be really hurtful and or painful. And to hold those together, it it seems like it's Yeah. It's very hard for partners to understand that or for, you know, people's families and Right. And I hear you know, people's families.
Speaker 2
And Right.
Speaker 1
And I hear that. So yeah.
Speaker 2
Well, I really do like to share my story because that story in particular now because I've I've found that a lot of women assume that when you're getting a midwife, that you're getting someone who cares about you as an individual and your baby. I wish. And they don't expect there to be, like, birth trauma or birth or midwives disrespecting their clients or things like that. And I just I have not found that to be the case. Like Mhmm. I mean, I had that negative experience. I've heard so many stories from other moms too where midwives have just not not looked out for the best interest of their clients. And so you could have a you can have an awesome midwife, you can have an awesome OB, you can have a horrible midwife, you can have a horrible OB. Like, it's it's not it's not relegated to just, you know, OBs are bad. Midwives are good. It's not that. But Hundred
Speaker 1
percent. Absolutely. So Yep. Absolutely. So So then why don't So before you hop into your your free birth, I was curious with your third I mean, I understand emotionally how then after that experience, you know, you would be moved towards wanting to explore it on your own. So is there anything else, you know, that you would want to share about how you found yourself in in this third pregnancy being called to do it unassisted?
Speaker 2
Well, I think a lot of it had to do with since I did grow up thinking home births and midwives were normal and I and my sister one of my sisters actually had been interested in midwifery when we were in our teens. And she ultimately didn't choose that path. But, like, I I had been educated about the safety of home birth, about how to handle a lot of things at home and different things. So I had a lot of just knowledge going into it about how to handle a pregnancy or even possible complications in birth that I wasn't super scared about that. Plus, I did have two births now that were real I mean, pregnancies and labors that for the most part were really low risk. Like, I had no problems postpartum. And so I think that all played into me just thinking, you know, I could do this. Like, I don't I don't need someone else to to make sure I'm okay or to, you know, hold my hand through this. And then, of course, it really helped that my husband was, I mean, a hundred percent supportive. He never he never looked at me funny. He never questioned me. It was just I think we both just kind of evolved through our first two pregnancies and births to when we like, it was just a joint decision, and he was a hundred percent completely supportive. And so if he hadn't been, I would I'm I'm sure I would have been second guessing myself and okay. Well, should we do this? Should we not? Like, how am I gonna how is this really gonna work? But his support, I think, was was probably pivotal in that.
Speaker 1
Gabe saw.
Speaker 2
And just and me never, like, never really like, once we decided, it was just I don't it was just it just felt right. Like, that's kind of weird to say, but it was just it was just right. It's not weird at all. I don't know how else to explain it.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I totally understand. That's I mean, I I I'm still working on cooking up my first baby, but I have the same the same dynamic with my partner and it's you know, I've also spoken to women who don't have that dynamic with their partner and it's exactly like you said. You'd be so much more prone to second guess yourself and, you know, when you have a partner who just totally supports your maternal wisdom and and the Yeah. You know the knowledge and and choices behind why you make the choices you'll make for your body and your baby, you get to really experience the deep levels of you know, victory that that you've clearly gotten to experience.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It helps too though that I have a mom and a sister who are very supportive
Speaker 1
Yes.
Speaker 2
To, who just, like, I think if I have questions or whatever and I don't know an answer, I can call them and say, hey. What do you think about this? Or where could where do you think I could find some answers? Or I don't know. They're just they're just very supportive. And so I think having those three people, my husband, my mom, my sister, who are a hundred percent on board just really helps me, especially when I do get negative comments from people. I can always just say, you know, call them and say, you know, someone said something to me, and they'll be like, it's okay. You know? They just, you know, this is your baby. This is your body. This is you've made an educated decision, and they can always just get me back into a good, I don't know, headspace for knowing, yes, this is an informed decision that I've made to free birth, this is a good decision for me, for my baby, and so anyways, having
Speaker 1
that And the bottom line is these choices are completely paradigm rocking. Like, this is this you know, you living in in choices around free birth and and, you know, the community that you and I are in is completely shattering to the brainwashing that's been bestowed upon our society for the last hundred years. So it's so, so, so beautiful that you have the support you deserve, you know, because this is it's very confronting for a lot of people, the choices that that we make around this. So I'm I'm really happy you have that support.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Well, it would be a lot harder if I didn't because I don't know if it's just the hormones of pregnancy or whatever, but especially now that I'm close to my due date with our fourth, it's just if someone says something that insinuates this is not a good decision, it really like, I have a hard time shaking that off. It just gets taking it's hard for me not to take on someone else's fear and negativity. So I need all these I need these positive people in my life to just help me
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Remember that this this is not my fear. Like, this I don't need to take on someone else's fear and negativity. And so, yeah, I honestly, if I didn't have that support, I don't know that I if I would be free birthing because I'm not sure I would be I honestly don't know if I would be strong enough to to to keep myself in a positive,
Speaker 1
space. I
Speaker 2
don't know. I don't yes. Yeah. Pretty much.
Speaker 1
Totally. And, you know, it does speak to that to that really heightened, you know, almost, like, psychic sensitivity that women have when they're close to delivering. And, you know, it it it's very normal and common for women at that stage to kinda shut down, like, you know, get off social media, stop watching TV, stop talking to strangers, and really kind of yeah. Nest up. Because it is like you you do really get this psychic, spiritual, you know, air about you that I'm glad you mentioned that because it it it is such an important time to surround yourself with love and light.
Speaker 2
Well, it is I am getting to the point where, honestly, I really wish I could just hole up. I have I have a I have a month until my due date, although I do tend to go late, but I kinda wish I could just hole up and really not see people because I'm starting to get people questioning. I when people find out your home birthing and then if they find out your free birthing, it's like a magnet for people's horror stories.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And I'm just like, I don't really wanna know your horror story right now. So do you have a really helpful.
Speaker 1
Do you have a good trick for setting boundaries?
Speaker 2
Not really. I not really. I probably should go with some better ones. Other than other than, my husband did tell me you need to stop opening conversations about birth because it just stress, like, when I'm not pregnant or early in pregnancy, I can talk to people and explain my decisions or why I've made things. But as I get closer to my due date, I just get I'm I am more likely to take on someone else's negative energy or fear, I guess, the closer I get to my own due date. And so he just told me, you just need to you know, now is not the time to be talking to people and trying to help them see
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
You know, why free birth or home birth is a safe option. So with my free birth, we, got let's see. We got pregnant, so we knew we knew from the beginning that we were planning a free birth, and it ended up being a really good decision. Because by this time, we were living in yet another state in Wyoming, which act actually has there's very few midwives in Wyoming, and they're kind of clustered around a couple of the bigger cities, Cheyenne and Casper, not at all close to where we are. And so there there are no midwives who serve my area, and I would have to drive to them in labor, like, an hour and a half, two hours, or more to and that I I mean, that's just not Getting in a car in active labor has never been on my list of things I wanna do. So, that was that was one thing. And then, also, I knew I another reason it was important to me to free birth is because with my first daughter going thirteen days past her due date, I knew it was at least somewhat likely I would go late with my third. And in Wyoming, midwives are not allowed to attend women past forty two weeks. And so I knew I didn't want the stress of if I get to forty weeks and forty one weeks and then being pressured to, I don't know, even try natural induction methods, which I am not in favor of. Like, that's not something I would choose to do. So I didn't I didn't I knew I didn't want that. So we decided it was just it was all it all worked out really well that we had decided to free birth ahead of time, and then coming to Wyoming, it was like, well, I'm glad we made that decision because it would be really hard to find a good midwife here where we are now. And so my pregnancy with her was it was the best pregnancy I of my three that I'd had so far because I didn't have any midwives stressing me out or telling me this, you know, I and I and I was I mean, I was this pregnancy, my third one, I did do my own prenatals. It was so much fun. Like, the first of the month, I would do my prenatals and I would check fundal height and weigh myself and listen for the baby's heartbeat and do all these things. I got myself a blood pressure cuff. I was monitoring blood sugar. So I was monitoring a lot of things that my midwives would have been monitoring if I'd been seeing one. But it was just it was so freeing not to have someone else, just telling me I was just praying doing it all for myself, I guess. And then after my second midwife my midwife with my son had just she had her own fears with with birth and labor that she had put on me. Just not having anyone putting those fears on me was just so freeing. It was it was a very good pregnancy. I really didn't have any problems in her pregnancy. It was it was a really smooth pregnancy. And she did we did end up going. She did go past forty two weeks. It was seven she was seventeen days past her due date.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
So I'm very glad, again, that I avoided the stress of having a a midwife trying to I don't know. I don't know what a midwife would have done if she would have been pressuring me or dropping me or whatever as a client. But I'm glad to have a deal with that and that I was able to be completely just wait for my baby to decide when she wanted to come. And so when I did go I had so much, pre labor with her, prodromal labor. I had I spent twelve hours in labor on my due date that I was convinced was the real thing, only for it to completely die down after twelve hours. So for the last seventeen days of my pregnancy, anytime anything would start, I'd be like, oh, this isn't it. I mean, there's no way. I was getting to that, like, the same place I've been with my daughter who was thirteen days past. I'm going to be the first woman pregnant forever. Like, this is I'm gonna set rec like, this is it. I'm never having this baby. And so when I did finally go into labor, I think there was a lot of just denial that, like, this could actually really be it because it had, you know, it was I was so I was seventy days past. I'd had so much pre labor that it was just yeah. Anyways, I think my husband and my mom my mom was here for this one too. They they all know I'm in labor before I do because I always just keep saying, this isn't it. I'm sure they're gonna stop. But, but, anyways, that one, it finally kept going. And this labor was my longest one and my hardest one. She was my daughter was, posterior and just the pain was really bad. It was the worst back labor ever. It was really very unpleasant, to say the least. And her labor was ten hours, which felt really long to me because my since my first two had been seven hours. But she she did finally make her appearance. The one thing, though, that I think is really interesting about this about her story is, let's see, around I guess I was about five hours into labor when I had actually been lying down for, like, thirty minutes when labor had just kind of plateaued. And, again, I was thinking this is probably we're probably just, like, this isn't really it. I'm gonna have to do this again some other day. And then they started back my contract started back up. I got in the shower, and I was going to try to check myself for dilation. And when I reached out to to try to to check myself, I felt something really weird and really odd that I had no idea what it was. And I called my mom in to come look, and she was like, yeah. I don't know what this is either. And to me, it felt like there was something coming out of my vagina that it I my first thought was, is this a prolapse of some kind? And I I didn't it surprises me that I didn't panic. I always thought, oh, I'm gonna panic if something goes wrong in labor, But it's almost like I suddenly became very clear headed, and I knew that I knew what I needed to do. Like, it wasn't I wasn't freaking out, and I wasn't, like it was just it was kind of surreal that I just handled it very calmly, and I had no idea what's going on. My mom didn't was like, yeah. I'm not sure what this is. And so I looked at my husband and said, I think we need to go into the hospital and have this checked out because I don't know what this is. And if it's a prolapse, I don't know if I can I don't know how that will affect giving birth vaginally? And so we did pack up. We went into the hospital, and it was on the weekend, so we had to go in a small town hospital. We went into the emergency room, and it was it was kind of funny, actually, some of these nurses. I go in, and I'm still walking and talking in between contractions. I don't know if they completely took me seriously that I was in labor. But, we go in and I tell the one of the nurses at one point that I needed to use the bathroom and she and I knew I just needed I just, you know, I needed to pee. I went in there and I had nurses knocking on the door wanting to make sure that I wasn't actually giving, you know, having the baby in there by myself. I was just like, that like, it was so different from my home births where people kinda leave me alone. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And I
Speaker 2
just couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself, like someone knocking on the door and being like, you know, what's going on in there? I'm like, I'm just using the bathroom. And so, anyways, we finally got checked in. We get back into the into where the the OB part or the hospital or the maternity part of the hospital is. And they start just hooking me up to monitors and doing a cervical check. And it was so funny. This nurse too, she she's like, let me just check you and see how you're gonna tell me. And then she checks me. She's like, yep. You're in labor. And I'm like, yes. I know. I know I'm in labor. And so she she did that and she asked me, did you know that there's something unusual going on down here? And I told her yes. I mean, that's why we came in. We wanted to have we hadn't really told anyone, oh, we're planning we're planning a free birth or oh like, we were just answering literally just the questions that were asked of us, and we just told them that we had just moved to town, which is actually true. We we'd only been there about a month and a half, and I didn't have my, you know, prenatal any prenatal records with me. I I don't even think I remember to take the ones that I had written down. And so we just kind of answered their questions. They weren't volunteering tons of extra information. But they hooked me up to the to the electronic fetal monitor, and I, of course, immediately heard my baby's heartbeat. And I knew it was well within the you know, it was normal, like, she wasn't in distress. And so that I immediately just really relaxed, was like, okay. This is I mean, at least the baby's fine.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Like, every everything's good there. And so it took a little while for the doctor to come in, but, I mean, during that time, the nurses taking my his my history and wanting they eventually do figure out that I'm, like, past forty two weeks because, you know, they are asking when my last period was or, you know, date of conception or something like that. And I was really surprised. I thought they would kind of be, like, a little weirded out that I was this far past my due date, but no one said anything to me about it. It was just like, oh, well, you're forty two weeks then. And I'm just like, yeah. I'm forty two weeks now. And so they were they were nice about that. But then I noticed though too that my husband and I kept having to ask them questions about what they were doing to me because they just come over and one nurse just starts prepping me for an IV. And I'm like, well, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm get I mean, I'm gonna give you an IV for pain meds. And I was like, I don't want pain meds. I, you know, I I'm not interested in that. And so she was like, oh. And then a little bit later, I look over and she's prepping something else. I'm like, what are you doing? And she's like, oh, I'm getting the Pitocin ready. And I'm like, Pitocin? And she's like, yes. It's for after the baby's born. And I'm just like, no. I don't want that. And so it was just it felt like a lot of work because every like, they were not asking any questions like, oh, do you want some do you want an epidural? Or, oh, do you want this or do you want that? It was just it's like we had to keep an eye there were, like, three nurses in my room. We had to keep an eye on everybody and be asking them what are you doing and I don't want that and declining all these things. And so it was kind of it was just it felt like a lot. Fortunately, my husband was there, and he helped with that keeping an eye on everybody.
Speaker 1
Can I ask can I ask a couple quick questions?
Speaker 2
Yes.
Speaker 1
So do you, by any chance, remember how dilated you were when they did that check?
Speaker 2
I do not. When the OB did come in, he felt the bag of water bulging. So I was, I mean, I was significantly dilated enough that my water was bulging.
Speaker 1
And how did you notice your experience in the hospital affect your labor versus at home?
Speaker 2
It kind of I think it kinda slowed down when we were in the hospital. It I did have some pretty good contractions, but they were not they were not as, they were not as close to go. I don't think I didn't feel like it was really active labor, so to speak. It didn't feel like that to me. I think it really slowed down. And, of course, at this point too, you're in a room with a lot like, I labor mostly in dark. Mhmm. And I tend to, like, not wear anything at home when I'm in labor, so I'm, you know, I'm wearing a hospital gown, there's lots of people in my room now, and the lights are on. I think all of that really it just it slowed down. It didn't stop completely, but it slowed down.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
So
Speaker 1
Okay. So then what did the what did the little question wind up being?
Speaker 2
Yeah. So the when the OB came in, he checked he checked dilation, got the bag of water bulging, and he told me that this whatever this was, it was just a like, one edge of my perineum had swollen. And so he did not seem concerned about it at all, which in hindsight, I'm kind of like, how did we not know that it was just a swollen like, I'm not sure how we totally missed that, but we did for whatever reason. And, he told us that and we had told him, you know, well, we just want this checked out. And if this is not an emergency, we want to go home to have this baby at home. And the the OB was very respectful. He said, well, my you know, I have to tell you that I think it's safe to have a baby in the hospital, but if you guys want to go home, you can sign out AMA against medical advice and, you know, that's that's fine. And so he gave us I mean, he told us that, but he gave us no trouble. He just we told him, okay. Once I knew it was just a swollen hernia, it didn't seem to like, the OB didn't seem to think it was a problem at all. And we just we signed out against medical advice and went home. And then, let's see, she was born three or four hours later. Labor once I got home from the hospital, labor really picked up, and it was still really hard. In fact, you know, it's a good thing I wasn't at the hospital because it the back labor was so bad that I probably would've I probably would have done the epidural.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
It was it was pretty bad. But then she was finally born, like, three or four hours later now, I can't remember exactly, in in our tub here at home. And, it was just it was so nice. Just me and my husband, my mom came in. When my water broke with her, there was a meconium in the water, and then my water broke. I saw the meconium, and I noticed that, which is why I actually sent my husband to go get my mom just so that she could be there in case we needed some help with the baby after the baby was born. And he walked out from our bedroom to the kitchen, and by the time he come back, her head had already been born. I mean, my water
Speaker 1
broke, and
Speaker 2
she was like, you know, she was like, you know, here I am. And so she was, it was another contraction or two before her body came out, and then she just she came out, and she was my she's my first baby. It took her a little while to start breathing. I kept rubbing her back and talking to her and kinda just holding her and looking at her and different things. And, she finally she would kinda take a breath and then make a little bit of a noise and then, you know, a long time to be another breath. But she was she finally started breathing, started picking up, and she was it was I mean, she was perfect. It was, like, it was a very good birth experience. And I think that's another reason, though, too, why I'm really glad I was not in the hospital because especially with meconium being present when my water broke, I know that probably would have probably not you know, might've panicked a nurse or doctor. Well, I'll tell
Speaker 1
you exactly what would've happened is they would've they would've cut the cord at delivery, and she would've been taken to the warmer, and she would've had, you know, deep suctioning, and she would have had, you know, some level of resuscitation whether it was needed or not. And you wouldn't have had her back, you know, at the minimum, what, five minutes or something? But it could have been twenty minutes.
Speaker 2
Yeah, I was just telling my husband this. Like, we were talking about this yesterday, and I was like, if we'd been at the hospital, we would not have been the first people touching our baby. No way. It would have been, yeah, a while.
Speaker 1
And she would have, you know, been denied her blood, you know, her the placental blood and, yeah, she would have had a lot of pretty aggressive, intervention, you know, that that wound up being totally unnecessary. So did you do any sort of suctioning at all or or just We
Speaker 2
did we had a bulb syringe and my mom did do a little bit of that. I now know that's not really the best way to handle that, but I should have just used my mouth to use the suction to suction my daughter's mouth and nose and that's what I would do in the future if I were to have something similar happen.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
But at the time, that was what I need to do. So we we did have a bulb syringe. And, yeah, I just kept an eye on her. And, I mean, she was breathing well before her cord stopped pulsing. So it wasn't it really wasn't that big of a deal, which is kind of why I like showing that because, I mean, that's one of the things that I have, you know, moms around me freak out about with meconium or your baby's born and is blue, which my daughter was not pink when she was born. She was blue. And this is people think this is really freaky, and yet I'm so glad I was at home because as you said, you know, I was the one holding her. I was the one rubbing her back. She was getting she was still connected to the placenta and the cord. She was getting oxygen, and I'm just glad that this it was handled we were able to handle it this way instead of as you described with the suctioning and the I I mean, whatever else they would have done to itself. It really I'm I'm just glad I was home considering the meconium, and then she was born. It took a few minutes to start breathing. So I'm I'm glad we were here for that and not in the hospital.
Speaker 1
And, you know, it speaks, you know, towards the free birth as well because if you had been with like, in out here in California, if you had been with a regulated midwife, in California, you know, and there had been time, you very likely would have transferred because of meconium.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was it was good. I'm glad I'm glad we were here. I'm glad we were able to we did come home from the hospital. My husband actually declined an ultrasound for us while we were in the hospital, and I'm really glad he did because if they had seen meconium in the water or something weird going on, plus my daughter was ten pounds, went out, so if they had said, oh my goodness, big baby, like, there's so many things that could have just really you at the hospital could have really changed that.
Speaker 1
Over over forty two, larger baby, meconium. Yeah.
Speaker 2
I I had a lot of things that would have been that would have most likely, if I'd stayed in the hospital, it would have turned out very different than it did.
Speaker 1
So And all of those things are variations of normal. You know, none of those things are real concerns. I also I also keep thinking about your husband stepping away and the head being born that he better not leave your side with this fourth baby. I know. That's what I'm thinking this time too, but, like, I'm gonna tell him.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Once my water breaks, you better not go anywhere if you wanna he's he's been wanting to catch a baby since, well, he wasn't there for our first one, so second and third, and he's just he's never managed to do it. And so I'm like, if you wanna catch a baby, you better make sure you're in the right position
Speaker 1
Mhmm. As
Speaker 2
soon as my water breaks because this baby's most likely just
Speaker 1
Flying out.
Speaker 2
Come out. Yeah. Pretty much. So
Speaker 1
And so postpartum, did anything, you know, worth noting in your postpartum? I'm assuming, you know, you bled a normal amount and breastfeeding was easy enough. And
Speaker 2
the only other thing worth, I think, mentioning just because, again, this is something considered abnormal in most hospital settings at least, is with my son and with my free birth, my placenta took a really long time to be delivered with my son. It was three hours. And I know, like, I I know someone who works or worked as a nurse in the labor and delivery at her hospital. And she had said, you know, if that placenta is not born within fifteen minutes, the doctor's aggressively trying to get out of the mom. And so just the fact that it was for three hours is a bit unusual, but there were I mean, there was no problems. Actually, I bet with my son's birth, I eventually pulled my own placenta out because the contractions were starting to get really uncomfortable again. And, my and I just I pulled it out myself because I was like, I'm done with this. I'm ready to be done with the whole birth thing. I just wanna be enjoying my baby.
Speaker 1
So wait. Your your midwife with your son left before the placenta was born?
Speaker 2
The midwife did. She left her apprentice. Her her apprentice was there with me who actually, in hindsight, I liked her apprentice way better. Like, I'm I'm glad I'm glad she was the one there with the local sex thing than the midwife. But, yes.
Speaker 1
The blessing in disguise?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Pretty much.
Speaker 1
And then how long did the placenta take with your free birth baby?
Speaker 2
You know, I honestly I'm not sure. Like, I was this isn't something I was tracking, which is actually kind of nice because, I mean, your your midwife's always tracking, like Mhmm. Are you on schedule or whatever? I I don't know. I I honestly don't know because I was in the tub for however long with her just getting to know her and loving on her. We moved to the to the bedroom. I mean, the cord was completely stopped pulsing at this point. I I think we'd even cut the cord because I think some I mean, other people were holding the baby at this point. So it was quite a while after birth. It I didn't let it it didn't get to the point where the contractions were really starting up again. I just it was I I don't know. Ninety nine.
Speaker 1
It's not really I mean, in my experience, I've seen home birth and hospital birth. You know, it's it's not really that abnormal. It's especially the more women that I've been talking to who have, you know, truly undisturbed births, having it be one, two, three hours Yeah. Has been very common to hear.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And, you
Speaker 1
know, with some midwives, they're more comfortable with that and they don't Right. You know, they don't they don't interfere. But, right, like, exactly like you said, the hospital, it's it's really less than fifteen and and sometimes even less than that. And, you know, some placentas do detach very quickly, but Yeah. Obviously plenty don't. So it's it's again a variation of normal. You know, you didn't obviously have excessive bleeding and and anything scary happening. It just it just took a little while. Yep.
Speaker 2
And then yeah. And then everything else I think was pretty normal other than I like to tell people how big my babies were and the fact that I didn't tear. Like, my smallest baby was eight pounds, twelve ounces. My biggest one so far was ten pounds, one ounce, and I've never I've never had tearing or anything like that. Because, again, that's something that some I had one mom one time, what are you gonna do if you tear? Like, I mean, that was her big thing.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Like, what are you gonna do? And I'm just like, well, I mean, I I do have things that on hand for if I do tear, but it's just when you're up, when you're moving, when you're, I mean, you're doing what's when you're able to move and get in a in a good position, you're just so much less likely to tear. And, yes, I've had I've had big babies with no tearing. So I like to tell I like to tell people that when I'm telling my stories because, like, again, I'm just I feel like I've had several things happen that are considered outside the realm of normal even though they're not they should be considered normal.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
You know, going late, having big babies, you know, whatever else it is that I just I want I want more women to feel in control, like, that this that being pregnant, giving birth is not scary. You're not like, it it shouldn't be scary. It really shouldn't. And I just I so I try to share certain parts of my stories at, you know, different times, different places when it's appropriate just to hopefully help minimalize some of these things because it's just it's not that scary or it shouldn't be that scary.
Speaker 1
And that the variations of normal are so much wider than the obstetrical model suggests. Yeah. You know, it's such a narrow, finite, you know, space of of what's normal and what's allowed, but, you know, your birth stories, multiple all of them really highlight the very wide, wide range of variability that's all normal and all healthy.
Speaker 2
Yep. So those are my birth stories so far.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I love it. And and so you're preparing for this one. Is there anything different that you're gonna do this time or any how how do you feel being a month away?
Speaker 2
Oh, my goodness. This is the first one. I am I'm I mean, I'm so excited. I cannot wait to labor again. I cannot wait to give birth again. I am just I am so excited about this one. And I was, like, in the past, I've always been excited to meet my babies, but, like, the whole laboring thing, even at even if I'm my third one, you know, I'm just like, oh, I don't know if I really wanna do this again. And this time, I'm just so excited. I am so ready to do this, and I'm just really I don't know. I'm really I'm I'm ready. I'm not doing as much prenatal care this time. I'm not doing as much formal prenatal care, which again is very, very freeing. I think I've done a lot more reading and research just about a good diet. And I I mean, I felt this is the pregnancy where I have felt the best as I've really kept, better track of my diet and making sure that I'm getting nutrients that I need for my food. But I haven't felt a need to monitor things because I feel amazing. Awesome. And my, you know, the baby's heartbeat is amazing. Everything just this has been my best pregnancy so far with the least amount of stress, with the least amount of just, like, not not worrying about what's happening with me and the baby. I just it's been a really good experience, and it's gone by so quickly. I can't believe I only have a month to a month and a half left, and I'm so excited about this. I'm so excited about meeting my baby.
Speaker 1
So So beautiful. It's such a beautiful arc of with every pregnancy and with every labor, you took more and more responsibility and followed your intuition more and more and to see, you know, of course, that it's reflected in your pregnancy, that you feel even better, and that after this super positive one, that you are even more excited for your labor. And it's just all these these foundational steps that you're taking. It's so so cool to see that arc.
Speaker 2
I've sometimes I find my catch myself thinking, you know, I wish I would have known about free birth or been comfortable with my first, but I remember something that a midwife told me, Carla Hartley, actually, who's a friend. She just told me, you know, each and every step of your birth journey from your first birth, your pregnancies, it all just it all leads to where you are now. Like, you you wouldn't it's all part of the story. And so it's really helped me just look back on that and be you know, all of those things all of the things that happened with my first birth, even with my second birth with the midwife that I really didn't like, it's all it's brought me to this point. It's all been steps along the way, step steps of learning more about me, about pregnancy, about labor, about delivery that has brought me to this point. And, yes, you know, that my labor with my second and that midwife was not the best experience, but I don't I don't regret any of it. It's been it's all brought me to where I am now, and I've learned so much through all of it that it's it's just it's brought me to where I am now, and I'm I'm grateful for all of those experiences. I'm grateful I'm really grateful, though, that I am now at the place of free birthing
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And that I I get to I get to do this again.
Speaker 1
Everything you're saying just it completely embodies the essence of what it means to birth free, you know, in in accepting your past and and accepting all of your your births and your pregnancies and and really just moving forward with it as lessons and gratitude and and choosing to continue birthing freer and freer. It's it's Yeah. So beautiful.
Speaker 2
It's been a good journey. Hard at times is you have to, you know, work through things or whatever, but it's it's been a good journey.
Speaker 1
Well, thank you so much. Really appreciate you sharing your stories and I'm sure they're gonna really help other mamas listening to this who are also going through similar journeys.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Well, thank you for letting me share. I love talking about my babies and my birth. So
Speaker 1
Awesome. Alright, Melinda. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2
Thank you.
Speaker 1
Alright. Take care. And we will tune in with Melinda after she has her fourth baby and her second free birth. That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
