Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
Today, we have the story of an intended free birth turned hospital delivery. Linnea is from a very small town in upstate Michigan. After being physically and emotionally abused at the local hospital with her first child, she was left traumatized and knew she could never return there when she became pregnant again. She decided she would feel safest birthing at home on her own terms. However, as she got close to pushing in her bathroom, her boyfriend got scared and called nine one one, and they whisked her away. Linnea did her best to return to the place of her first birth and still found a way to birth on her own terms. This story speaks to the importance of having your whole team truly on board with your plan and what can happen when they are not.
Speaker 2
Alright. My name is Linnea. I'm living in the UP of Michigan. It's really unpopulated up here, but I'm by Northern Wisconsin. I have two kids. My oldest is turning three this May, and my youngest is three months now. I had him this past December right before Christmas.
Speaker 1
And he was your free birth?
Speaker 2
Yeah. It was technically done at a hospital with the OB nurses, but I birthed it my way. So I suppose you can call it unassisted. I was nineteen when I got pregnant with my first, and I was so excited. And I did all of my prenatal care by the books. You know, I figure we have two OB doctors in the whole area that I get to have, so I picked the one that I was familiar with from nursing school. And I really enjoyed my journey with him. And then when it came time for my last appointment before I had my daughter, I had asked, you're not going out of town again, are you? And you said, yeah. I'll be gone all weekend. Well, I knew I was gonna be in labor, and I said, well, this is gonna be fun. You know? Who am I gonna have? And when it came time for me to get ready to go to the hospital, I didn't really feel like I wanted to go. But my boyfriend was freaking out, and he's like, we have to go. We have to go. I'm like, okay. Fine. Let's go. Once we were there, the nursing staff was really rude and aggressive and restricting me to the bed. Soon as I got there, they were pushing pain meds on me, and then they didn't tell me that when you have this pain med, you can't get up and move around, telling me not to make noise, telling me I'm not breathing, but never encouraging me to breathe and do positive things. So after that experience, I said I'm never doing this again.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
I want more babies, but not this way. This is not how it's supposed to be.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
So fast forward, I started working and leaving my daughter then was really difficult for me, and I feel like it a lot of that had to do with the traumatic birth experience of her. I felt like I always had to be around her to protect her, so leaving her was hard.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And then I did go back to nursing school. I got my RN. And right before graduation, I found out I'm pregnant with my second. I was very excited, but I said, you know what? We're not doing this the same way. Mhmm. My whole pregnancy, I tried educating my boyfriend about home birth and why it can be better and why for so many people it is better and safer for them and their babies. And he didn't wanna hear it. He said, nope. People have babies at hospitals because things go wrong, and I'm not gonna be here when something goes wrong if you're doing it here.
Speaker 1
That's hard.
Speaker 2
Well, that's not very that's not encouraging. And I said, this is really important to me. We can make this work. So I had an OB doctor because that's what my insurance covered was an OB doctor at our local clinic. I also had two choices this time around. I had the same doctor I had last time, and then I had a new doctor that I wasn't familiar with. So I went with the new doctor, and he's a little younger. So he was a little bit more open to my wishes, but he was still under hospital policies and said, you know, I I hear you, but my hands are tied.
Speaker 1
What were you trying to what were you saying?
Speaker 2
I was saying I don't think that prenatal care is one size fits all. I said, I don't want to go through with your routine labs and tests and your routine procedures unless it becomes medically important that I do. Appointment was the intake exam with a nurse practitioner, and she said, okay. Well, here's your cup. Go pee. We have to do your labs. And I told them no. I said, I refuse to do that. I don't need you to tell me I'm pregnant. I'm here because I am pregnant. And they didn't like that. Mhmm. And then they're like, well, time for your pelvic exam. And I said, no. Thank you. I said, what exactly are you looking for anyway? And they said, I think you said
Speaker 1
in the beginning of your pregnancy?
Speaker 2
Yep. My first appointment, they wanted a pelvic exam and labs. Mhmm. And I told them no. I said, you know, I know the signs of an infection, and I do not have any of them. So if that changes, I will let you know. But until then, I'm not having this done.
Speaker 1
And you've already had a vaginal birth.
Speaker 2
Right. So I I I told them that I have had the same sexual partner, you know, for the past several years, and we have both been monogamous. And I am a very, very low risk for STDs, and that's what they were looking for. So I I told them, no. I don't feel like this is important for me to have, but thank you. And they looked at me like I was nuts.
Speaker 1
So Oh, man.
Speaker 2
Then this nurse practitioner, she said, well, if we're not doing labs and we're not doing your pelvic exam, why did you come? So she asked me if I knew when I ovulated and, well, what day I conceived actually. I told her, you know, we had intercourse on this day. I ovulated that weekend. So it was sometime in those couple of days. Then she charted that I didn't know what my concession conception date was. Wow. And I needed an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy. Wow. Well, I wasn't sure what I was in for yet, so I went to my ten week appointment then. And first thing that happens before I get introduced to my doctor or anything was take your clothes off. This is a vaginal ultrasound, and doctor comes in with a medical assistant and a speculum and culture sticks. I said, what are you doing? He says, we're doing a pelvic exam first and screening you for STDs. I said, no. You're not. And we had to go around about that. It was probably a twenty minute argument between me and him Wow. About urinary tract infections and STDs. And I told him, if I don't have symptoms of a UTI, it probably isn't a problem. And he said, well, isn't it true that sometimes UTIs don't have symptoms? And I said, yes. But in those cases, they don't need treatment either. So I wasn't worried about it. And I talked to him about, how uneasy I was about delivering at this hospital. I said I'm having my prenatal care done here because this is where my insurance is covered, but I would really like to use my pregnancy to explore other options for birth. And he said, okay. I can understand that.
Speaker 1
Did you explain forward Did you explain anything about the trauma of your first birth?
Speaker 2
Absolutely. I felt that that was the most important part because I needed to have a good relationship with my new doctor. I needed to fully trust him in order to have my baby at this hospital with him. I needed to know that he was going to respect my wishes and, you know, really be there for me because I'm the patient, and it's my body, and it's my baby, and it's my birth. So, you know, I went through my prenatal appointments somewhat regularly. They recommend, you know, every four weeks at first and then every two weeks and then every week. I went and I got my blood pressure checked, and the nurse practitioner talked to me about the GBS screening, and I denied that as well. And she said, you know babies die from this. Right? And I said, yeah. Babies die from a lot of things. And she said, but you need to have this done. Then I don't feel I do. So she didn't like that answer. She said that, you know, it's my choice. And as long as I know what I'm doing and what risk I'm taking, then I guess she she guesses she can support me.
Speaker 1
I mean, that is that is the essence of informed consent, you know, that you're practicing there is the right to say no. And under the medical oath that these people take, it is their oath, their commitment to medicine and to their patients to support your plan of action, not the other way around.
Speaker 2
Right. So this nurse practitioner, I I liked that visit with her, because I did feel supported.
Speaker 1
Good.
Speaker 2
You know, that was probably the only visit I had that I felt really supported. There was one visit, before that last one with her where I had switched to the other provider, the one that I had with my daughter. And before he even started talking to me, I knew it was gonna be a bad visit. He just had this look on his face like he hated the fact that I was there. Mhmm. I don't know if him and the other doctor were talking or something, but, he comes in the office and he says, hi. What can I do for you? And I said, well, I am this far along in my pregnancy. I'm seeing, you know, this other doctor for prenatal care, but I was thinking of maybe switching to you instead. And he just shook his head. And he's he told me he's not into delivering dead babies. Woah. And that if yep. And that's what he said. I'm not into delivering dead babies, but if you wanna have a home birth, then that's on you. And when you have to come to the hospital, I have a legal obligation to take care of you, so don't worry about that part. Woah. But, no, I can't have you as a visit. You're too much of a risk. And he clapped his hand on my knee, and he said, thanks for coming, but don't worry. You won't be charged for your visit.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
And he walked out the door.
Speaker 1
Oh, that is intense. Is your is your partner with you for any of these prenatals, or are you by yourself?
Speaker 2
I'm by myself. Wow. So I'm sitting in this office, staring at that open door that he just walked out of, holding my two and a half year old daughter and crying with my big pregnant belly, wondering what the hell just happened.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
So, you know, I'm sitting in my car, and I'm crying, and I'm calling my boyfriend, telling him what happened. So he came and sat in the parking lot with me and just waited for me to get done so I could drive home safely. It was a really rough day. At that point, I just kinda decided, heck with these guys. This is my birth. I know that I can do it by myself, and I know that there's other options there. I just have to find them. So that was basically all of my prenatal care that I did get, and I didn't have any complications with that at all. I was happy with my choice, and I would do it the same way again.
Speaker 1
And at this point, is your boyfriend more on board because he's seen what you've been going through, or where is he at at this point being so close to delivery?
Speaker 2
He is saying screw the home birth. We're not having blood all over the walls, and I'm not cleaning up all that mess. And we are going to the hospital, and that's that.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
He was telling me that having home birth would traumatize him. It would traumatize our daughter when something bad happened to me and the baby. Aw. And that would be on me. He told me that if something happened to the baby and I lived, he would kill himself in front of me, so I had to deal with that guilt. Woah. And it was really, really not good supportive relationship about that.
Speaker 1
Yeah. You must have felt so alone in this process.
Speaker 2
I yeah. I was very alone in the process, but I still stood strong through it because I knew it's what I needed and what I wanted. And, I mean, the mention of a home birth with a midwife to any of our parents was a really bad idea to even bring up because it was just harassment after the hack about what do you mean you're having a home birth? What do you mean you don't want a doctor? What do you mean you're not going to your prenatal appointment? And I just assured them that people have babies all the time. It doesn't matter if they have a planned hospital birth with an OB, they could still deliver in the car on the way there. Of course. And they're okay.
Speaker 1
It's like I mean, it's dealing with it's actually dealing with brainwashing, you know? So it doesn't matter what you say. They are so brainwashed. They're I mean, it sounds like, unfortunately, your partner too, like, convinced that everybody's gonna die if you don't walk through those glass doors.
Speaker 2
Exactly. So, I mean, I just took it among myself. I kept it to myself. I didn't tell anyone in my family what I was doing. I had a couple of close friends that I was able to reach out to for support about I mean, not that they really liked the idea of having a home birth, but they were good enough friends to say, hey. You know you know what you're doing, and I trust your your opinion and your decision. So if you feel this is what's best for you, congratulations on sticking to it. And whatever you need, let us know. So that was really great to have that, but they were not actively involved in my planning. Yeah. That's that's all the support I really had. Even with all the statistics and stuff that I was throwing at my boyfriend, he said he doesn't care about that stuff. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care what I got off of Facebook or what I got off of Google. And I told him, you know, I went to school for four years, and I have my RN. And by now, I know the difference between a legitimate source and something that's bogus. Mhmm. And he said he didn't care. We're not doing it my way. He does not care.
Speaker 1
Wow. So then what happened? So
Speaker 2
I went online. I used YouTube to find unassisted birth videos. I went on Pinterest to read stories. I found an unassisted home birth resource list that was written by Sarah Petruno. She's, she practices shamanism. But I really enjoyed her list that had herbs that she had researched and found the most important, and just kinda gave a little synopsis of her story. And I really enjoyed that post that she had. I also read a lot of books. I read The Secret by Shonda Byrne. That was by far one of my favorites. It just focuses on the power of positive thinking and how having the right mindset brings good things to you. Mhmm. So, you know, I I used the first two trimesters of this pregnancy, rebalancing my mind after the trauma of my first. And that book helped a lot. And also Laura Shanley's Unassisted Childbirth book was another big favorite. I also read a couple other books, including some by Ina May Gaskin and, I kind of skimmed through some other books, but I mostly focused on unassisted birth stories, pictures, videos. I looked online for how to handle variations of normal, went to emergency transfer, and I joined a Facebook group geared towards unassisted birth. And I found that extremely supportive and helpful reading their birth stories and seeing their healthy happy babies all this time later and hearing all those moms say it was the best birth I had out of all of my children and I would do it again and again and again. And I said, yes. This is how birth is supposed to be. This is how women are supposed to feel. And between all of those resources, I told myself if I see a commercial on TV of a woman giving birth in a hospital and it looks like she's not having a good time, I'm shutting it off. If I see a movie where I know there's, you know, birth scenes where she's screaming and doctors telling her what to do and all of that, I'm shutting it off. I wanted all of that picture out of my mind so I could rewire it Good for you. To have the positive birth that I wanted.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
That's that's basically what my whole pregnancy looked like was rewiring my mind and trying to keep the negativity out of my life, just focusing on me and my pregnancy and growing and birthing a beautiful baby and just having a really well rounded experience.
Speaker 1
So take us take us to the birth. Walk me through that experience.
Speaker 2
You know, that is the most interesting and my favorite part. My due date based off my last period was December eighteenth. If we went off the first ultrasound, it was the nineteenth. But if we went off the days where I could have conceived, it was somewhere between December twentieth and twenty second. And I had a feeling this baby is so laid back and so down to earth, and I always say that my kids have colors. Their personalities could be represented by a certain color. My daughter is like a glittery yellow, a pretty spring yellow. And my son is a hearty, woodsy, rich green Mhmm. Like a a big pine tree. And funny enough, the twenty second is the first day of Capricorn Mhmm. Which is, you know, an earth sign. The one before that is this Sagittarius, which is a fire sign. And I said this baby is gonna wait it out. I just know that. And I had a couple days before I had him, I was having some regular contractions in bed with my daughter. I was sleeping with her. And I was thinking, man, is this a real thing or is this not? I saw them in my back. They were pretty strong, pretty uncomfortable, very regular. But when I told my boyfriend what was going on, he freaked out. He he said, you know we're not doing it here. Right? You know we're going to the hospital. And my contractions stopped altogether.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Of course.
Speaker 2
Like, altogether, they stopped Mhmm. For days. I didn't tell him about how I was feeling about anything besides I don't feel good about going to the hospital. I feel good about staying at home.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
And if I felt labor y at all or uncomfortable at all with the pregnancy, I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna hear it. And it was the twenty first now. I wake up, make breakfast, go to the bathroom. Ta da. There's a giant mucus plug. Well, this is exciting. When is labor actually gonna start? I don't know. So I'm kinda hanging around the house, don't feel any different, thinking, is today the day? I don't know. And I called my sister, and I said, hey. Let's go Christmas shopping. So we're in Walmart. My daughter is kind of fussy, and she's she's big for her age. She's almost three years old. She's fifty pounds. She's the size of a five year old. She's so tall. And here I am, couple days past my due date, or at least the due date I was given. And she's fussing in Walmart, and I'm carrying her on top of my giant pregnant belly, trying to kiss my shop. I'm squatting down to the bottom shelf trying to pick stuff up. I'm reaching up high, putting things back on the hook. And you wouldn't have thought I was pregnant, except I was probably waddling like I had a watermelon stuck inside of me. And I'm thinking, I'm getting kind of uncomfortable. Not contractions, just uncomfortable. I think I'm ready to get out of here. So we check out. I go back to my other sister's house, which was in the same town as the store. And they're saying I looked super uncomfortable, but I didn't feel uncomfortable. They said, you're really moving around a lot, and you're, you know, you just seem like you can't get comfy. But I didn't notice that at all. I felt fine. And if I had my hand on my stomach, I could feel a contraction. But it didn't hurt, So I figured, Braxton Hicks just practice contractions for the big show coming up. And, you know, past the whole evening out like that, all felt good. Went home. My sister went home. She said if you need anything, just call. Said okay. Thank you. So I'm getting my daughter ready for bed and about to put her jammies on and read her bedtime stories. And I'm I sleep I was sleeping in her twin sized bed with her. So I'm like, man, I wonder if this is a good idea to sleep in here tonight. I just kinda had a feeling maybe it wasn't. Well, we had bought this really annoying Christmas ornament. It was on our Christmas tree, and every time something moved, it would start singing a Christmas song. But it was terrible quality, and it was so repetitive. My boyfriend was downstairs playing video games, and the light was triggering it. So it just kept singing and singing and singing and singing. I thought it was so funny. So I put my face on the floor by the little air duct vent that we have going between the her bedroom and the living room. And I said, how do you like our new Christmas ornament? He said he's about to shoot it. He hates it. And I'm laughing and laughing and laughing, and I get up off my hands and knees, and my water breaks everywhere. I felt the pop. I felt the warm gush, and I said, oh my god. This is so cool. I didn't I didn't have any pain. I didn't have any contractions. I was just so excited. So I put my face down by the vents again, and I said, hey, honey. What? My water just broke. Are you serious right now? Yeah. Well, now what? I said, come upstairs and help me get these blue pads out so I don't make a big mess all over the floor. I had one ready right by the bed just in case it happened, but I needed a lot more than that. So he came upstairs, helped me put some mats on the floor. I'm just sitting on them. He's like, now what? Now what? What do we do? What are we doing? What is the plan? And I said, you know, I've been trying to figure that out with you for nine months now, and now you care. So
Speaker 1
Did he seem
Speaker 2
more funny.
Speaker 1
Did he seem more open now that it was on?
Speaker 2
He told me that he gave up trying to persuade me because he knew that I was gonna do whatever I wanted to do regardless of what he said.
Speaker 1
Great.
Speaker 2
And I I told him, you're right. That's what's gonna happen. So he was just wanting me to be the director here. And as nice as that was, I kinda wanted him aboard ahead of time because, you know, during birth, there's a time where I'm not gonna be the one saying what to do anymore.
Speaker 1
Of course.
Speaker 2
You know? I'm gonna be focusing on other things, and he should anticipate my needs. But I said, I'm gonna go downstairs. I'm gonna fill up the bathtub, and I'm gonna sit in the bathtub for a while. And he said, that's it? That that's all? And I said, yeah. Why don't you get, you know, our other kid ready for bed and I'll call my sister to have her come over and hang out with Andy so, you know, you and I can focus on what we're doing. And he said, okay. So my sister comes over. I'm in the bathtub, and she comes and checks on me. And she says, how are you doing? I said, I'm fine. I'm just sitting in there. You know, no big deal. I'm having contractions, but they barely hurt. And she says, do you need anything? I said, just, you know, get Alex to come back downstairs. I want him to be with me. She said, okay. And bathroom door opens up a little bit, and I expect to see him. But it's my sister again. He says he doesn't wanna see this, so he won't come downstairs. And I just stared at her, and I said, does it look scary in here? Does it look gross in here? She's looking around. She says, no. It looks like you're just sitting in the bathtub. And I said, that's exactly what's happening, so tell him that. So he came he came down after that, and he says, what are you doing? I said, I'm sitting in the bathtub. And that's it. Yep. That's it. I'm sitting in the bathtub. And he's kinda keeping an eye on the clock, you know, for contractions, but they really weren't bad at all. And he's super uncomfortable. I say, well, you know what? Let's call the hospital. We'll talk to the OB nurse. We'll just let her know that, you know, she could get things ready for us, but not sure if we're coming in or not yet. And the OB nurse was actually my teacher from the nursing program. So that was both uncomfortable but comforting. Uncomfortable because I knew her, comforting because she knew my past with the traumatic birth I had.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And she knew what was important to me. And, I mean, I figure, you know, maybe this will be good.
Speaker 1
And at this point So are you still, like, a hundred percent you're birthing at home, or you you're really trying to navigate your partner's concerns, obviously? Like, where's your head at this point with your plan?
Speaker 2
My plan was stay at home until I feel like I shouldn't. That was the plan.
Speaker 1
That's a good plan. So
Speaker 2
I'm trying to talk to her, but I I'm pausing during my contractions. And she's saying, you know, it feels it doesn't sound like you're too uncomfortable. It sounds like you probably had a while before you had your baby. And she's kinda just talking in circles a lot. My boyfriend's on the other end of the phone kinda barking orders at her saying, no. She doesn't want that. Nope. We're not doing that either. We wanna go there. We wanna have the baby, and we wanna leave. We don't wanna stay the night. Nope. We don't wanna stay the night. No. We don't want monitors. No. We don't want this. Don't even ask about meds. Like, you know, just telling her what I wanted to, but in a more assertive way than I probably would've. And it was a big help because I was focusing on my contractions, and she listened to him, so that was nice. And I said, you know what? Why don't you just get things ready, and maybe we'll see you tonight? She said okay. So we got off the phone, and I got out of the bathtub, and my contractions hit me really hard all of a sudden. I don't know if it was the water that made it so nice and peaceful or if it was just that my contractions really kicked up getting out of the tub. But either
Speaker 1
way emotionally, you know, your partner was stepping up and and helping you feel like your needs would be taken care of if you did go to the hospital. That probably felt that probably felt good.
Speaker 2
Yeah. That it really did. Yeah. So, you know, I get out of the tub. And before I even know what I'm doing at all, I'm on my hands and knees with every contraction with my head close to the ground. It was so difficult to get up off the floor. It was just what my body needed to be doing. And when I got up, it was just to the toilet to sit on the toilet through a contraction or two then back to the ground. I really couldn't get comfortable, and I had asked my boyfriend to apply counter pressure. That helped. But my contractions, according to him, jumped from twenty minutes apart. The next contraction was fifteen minutes. The next contraction was ten minutes. The next contraction was five minutes. The next contraction was two minutes apart. They were not sticking around the same interval for more than one contraction, and then they stayed at two minutes apart for the majority of the rest of my labor. And he was noticing that I was becoming more uncomfortable, less vocal. Well, I was making burst noises but not talking.
Speaker 1
And this wound up this wound up being how long from actual delivery at this point?
Speaker 2
You know, I couldn't even tell you. I didn't look at the clock once. We get our daughter ready for bed. It was about ten thirty when my water broke.
Speaker 1
And And he he wound up being born at what time?
Speaker 2
One zero two.
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah. So you're
Speaker 2
Well, it was a two and a half hour labor. Yeah. And my boyfriend is freaking out now. He says, Linnea, I'm gonna call an ambulance. And I just breathed out okay through my contractions because I didn't care. I didn't care about anything right now. I'm having a baby, and that's all I care about. And I don't care what he does.
Speaker 1
Were you pushing him?
Speaker 2
An ambulance. Nope. Not yet. I was just letting my contractions do all the work for me. I didn't have the urge to push yet. If now and then, I think during a contraction, I probably pushed a little bit, but not not voluntarily. I just let my body do its its job by itself, and I just went with the flow.
Speaker 1
And did he have a particular reason for calling nine one one or just that was probably always
Speaker 2
yeah. He was panicked. He didn't know what to do. He went upstairs, and he told my sister that he called an ambulance because he can't do this. He's freaking out, and he just feels better having someone who knows what the hell they're doing. But he could have known what he was doing if he would have listened to me. Yeah. Of course. I mean, I know how to have a baby because our bodies just know that, and it comes with instinct. And, you know, I was familiar with what to do in different circumstances, but whatever. I figured at this rate, by the time the ambulance gets here, we're gonna have a baby anyway. So what does it matter? Well, I could hear a man's voice in my hallway, not one that I I recognized, talking to Alex saying, this is my first call like this. You seem really calm. Why do you seem so calm? And Alex says, you missed it. I was freaking out too. This man was a police officer. Alex said there was about fifteen cops in my house. And I don't know why there were that many. I don't know if there was that many. But he was panicked. There were police officers in our house just as the first responder. And then when the ambulance got here, there was a female paramedic who came in the bathroom. She says, why are you in the bathroom? What are you doing? Are you using the toilet, or what are you doing? She seemed really annoyed. And I said, I'm having a baby. And she said, are you crowning? I said, no. Not yet. She said, then we need to go. This isn't a good place to have a baby. You need to get to the hospital. And I said, I'm fine where I'm at. I'm I'm good right here. And she said, no. Where are your pants? We're going. She found pants. She tried putting them on me. I told her no. I wanted to have the pens on also before I went anywhere. I said, I'm not wrecking my pants. There was no more water coming out at that point, but I'm like, no. Like, just no. Leave me alone. I'm fine. I kept telling her, I'm really fine. She says, but we need to go. She was really panicked, I think, but she was trying not to let me see it. Well, I get out of the bathroom, get to the living room, which is maybe twenty steps away, have another contraction or two or three, I can't remember. And my boyfriend's getting my shoes for me and I said, no, not those ones. I don't want those shoes. He says, man, put them on. I said, no, I don't want those. Those don't go with my pants. It was so stupid. And they're like, come on. Just put your shoes on. Let's go. You need to get to the hospital. I'm like, no. I think I'm good. So I was taking my time, just doing what I was comfortable with doing. Get to the kitchen, maybe forty steps away from my couch, have another contraction. It probably sounded like I was having really good sex, but, you know, I didn't really care. I was kinda laughing inside at what the officers were thinking. Mhmm. You know, I knew they were nervous, and they hadn't ever been on a call like this before. So I I really was laughing inside. I thought it was hilarious. I get outside and the paramedics are like, oh, don't walk over here. It's too icy. I said, you know, I walked on it this morning and this afternoon. I think I'm good. They're
Speaker 1
like, no one walks around. You're a you're a crazy out of control person.
Speaker 2
Exactly. Yeah. And I said they yeah. They wanted me to walk all the way around my car, and it was just silly. And I get into the ambulance, have another contraction, then this paramedic wants to strap my legs together on the gurney and all this other stuff and start an IV. What? And I said, what are you doing? I said, I don't want an IV. She said, well, they're gonna start one anyway, so I'm just saving them a step. And I said, no. I was gonna refuse that. And she just went ahead and did it anyway. And I was so uncomfortable with my legs being strapped. And I said, you know, I have the urge to push. And she said, we're not at the hospital yet. I said, but I have the urge to push. And I'm pushing when I feel like pushing because no one's gonna tell me no. And we get to the hospital and go through the back entrance of the ER.
Speaker 1
So your legs
Speaker 2
There's an orb
Speaker 1
legs are strapped in the ambulance while you're having the urge to push?
Speaker 2
Yes.
Speaker 1
Oh, gosh.
Speaker 2
It was very, very uncomfortable. We get to the to the hospital, and there's an OB nurse standing there with sterile gloves waiting all excitedly because she thought she was gonna have an emergency room delivery. Well, she asked me, babies aren't delivered. They're birthed. So, I mean, I I didn't feel like I wanted to give her that credit because of me having a baby, not her. We get into the back elevator to go up to OB, and she said, dang it. I thought we were gonna have an ER delivery. I was so excited. And the paramedics said, yeah. I'm really glad I didn't have to do it in the ambulance. I really didn't want to. As I'm sitting here listening to them have this conversation about me, and I'm just so annoyed. But I'm like, you know what? I don't care. I really don't care. Get to the upstairs and right into OB and into the delivery room, and the nurses are trying to rush me off the gurney. And I said, no. Let me finish my contraction. It was a good one. And the female paramedic is like, hate to rush you, but I got another call. I gotta get gotta get going. And the male paramedic was like, just give her thirty more seconds, people. She'll be fine in thirty seconds. Sure enough, I was. I walked a couple of steps from the gurney to the delivery bed, squatted on the floor, and I said I'm staying here
Speaker 1
Nice.
Speaker 2
As long as I feel like it because they were trying to get me onto the bed. And I said, no. We're not we're not we're not doing all those monitors. Get them out of there. Like, I don't want that. And then Alex got there. He was rubbing my hair, and I told them get me water. Get me a birth ball. I said, just let me do this my way. They were really persistent on getting me onto the bed because it's easier for them to see. I didn't care. Don't care what's easy for them to see. Well, I'm thinking, you know what? I'm feeling really close now. I'm okay with getting up on the bed. I didn't know how much I really wanted to stay on a floor. So I got up on the bed, and as I got up, I pulled my pants down, but I left my good pens in place. And the nurse was like, what about these? Linnea, you have to take these off. And I'm having a contraction, and she's like, take take these off. Take these off. And I said, just rip them. They're the pants. They're disposable. I don't care. Do you think I wore underwear that I care about here? No. I didn't. And she must have just been panicked or something because, I don't know, to me, it was just common sense. You know? There depends. And she said, just rip them? And I said, yeah. So she did. But I don't know why she needed them off so bad because I didn't let her near me anyway. I told them disconnect the IV. I let the headlock stay in place. No fluids. No cervical checks. I let them do one fetal heart rate check with a Doppler, and that was all. And I had told them over the phone when my water broke, there was no meconium. It was all clear. It was all good. And they are just kind of, Linnea, we need to see what's going on. Linnea, tell us what's going on. And I just said, everything is fine. And they didn't know what to do, probably, because they probably didn't have any patients like me in a really, really long time, if not ever. And I am on this bed, on my knees, leaning over a birth ball at the head of the bed. And they're trying to convince me to go towards the foot of the bed where they can drop the bottom of the bed down and I can use that, then they can see better. And I told them, no. I'm good where I'm at. I like it here. And I'm just bossing them around. More water, more counter pressure. You know, this is my circus, not their circus. And, you know, I kinda just instinctively, I put my hand over my vaginal area, and I could feel the baby coming down and going back up. I knew when I hit transition because my legs were shaking, but I never felt panicked. I was always very, very calm. I just said I'm transitioning, and then I could feel the baby coming down, and I kept my hand covering myself the entire time. I wanted to. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to catch my baby. I wanted to do this exactly how I would have been doing it at home. And I moved my right leg up so that it was kind of my knee was bent at a ninety degree angle up by my face. The rest of me had stayed perfectly still. I was talking to baby. Nope, baby. Other way. Come on down. Nope. Come come this way. Come see mom. And I am focused on only that. And I can hear the nurse behind me saying, what do you feel? What do you feel? What do you feel? And I just said, I feel baby coming down. It goes back up, comes back down, and I'm just talking to baby, coaxing it out. And then I started getting kind of uncomfortable on my legs, so I had to move my hand away for myself to switch positions. The nurse kinda took that opportunity to get all up in my business down there, and I didn't really care because I could feel the the baby crowning. And as soon as the head was delivered, she said, okay. Now another big push, and I told her no. I said, is there a cord? And she said, no. I can't feel one. I said, let the contractions do the work. And she said, well, you can't wait that long. You need to push. I said, is there a problem? And she said, no. But you need to push. You can't wait to get the body out. I said, no. I'm not pushing. I'm waiting for my body to do it. She said, okay. And it was taking longer than I thought it would. I pushed a little bit voluntarily. It didn't make a difference. Didn't help the labor. It didn't help the birth. It didn't do anything. It was uncomfortable, actually, physically. And when the next contraction came, it pushed the whole baby out, and I heard the nurse say, okay. Okay. Clamp. And, you know, I was still returning to Earth from that, and I wasn't really comprehending what was going on. I wanted a lotus birth or at least a keep the cord intact for a couple of hours when I was ready to cut it myself. They cut it right away, and they brought baby over to a warmer, and they started doing respiratory resuscitation. And my boyfriend was crying, and our baby was blue and limp, but I didn't see that part. When I looked over a minute later, I could see baby turning from blue to pink, and I didn't feel worried.
Speaker 1
Did you ever get did you ever find out what they at one minute?
Speaker 2
Two. Okay. He was a two. And I am still on the bed, peeking over every once in a while. Every time I look, he's pinker. I wasn't worried about him.
Speaker 1
What was he at five?
Speaker 2
Babies are happy, dude.
Speaker 1
What was he at five minutes?
Speaker 2
I can't remember exactly, but it was somewhere I think it was between a four and a six. But, I did get my my medical notes, my medical records, and the doctor was not there for the delivery, but he wrote his synopsis off of what the the nurses had told him and then what was happening when he arrived. And he said that baby was just not holding his oxygen stats up well enough, so they just continued to oxygenate artificially for a while. I think it was twenty three minutes total they were working on him.
Speaker 1
He stayed in the room?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Every everyone was in the room. After I I'm guessing Alex probably saw baby pinking up and was feeling better about it. And then when the doctor was there, Alex kinda turned his attention back on me because I was uncomfortable. And he said, what's wrong? Are you okay? He seemed worried. I said, I'm not done birthing yet. I still have a placenta. And he said, oh, yeah. Said, but you're okay? I said, yeah. I'm good. I'm great, actually. And, you know, I I had my hand down. I was rubbing the cord. I just was so admired. I was I loved it. It was so cool. You know? That kept my baby attached to me. That is part of my baby. I I like it. I it's my friend. It's not some gross thing that you're told it is. You know? It's it's a good thing. It's positive. So I sent in a little love, saw a gush of blood happen. I figured, oh, the placenta detached. It didn't come out on its own with the position I was in. I'm thinking if I would have changed positions, it would have came out. But, when doctor was content with our son and his respiratory status, He came over to me. I heard him he said, how do you wanna do this? And I said, I'm I'm comfortable where I'm at. I heard him say forceps, and I felt something on me, but I wasn't comprehending what was happening. And then he applied some pressure to my abdomen and some traction to the placenta, and it came out it felt much better. That's not how I wanted to birth a placenta, but that's how it happened.
Speaker 1
Wait. You think he used forceps for your placenta delivery?
Speaker 2
He he I heard him say forceps, and I felt something cool on me.
Speaker 1
Interesting. I
Speaker 2
never heard of him. I don't think he used a forceps to deliver the placenta. I'm thinking he probably used it to get a better visual.
Speaker 1
Oh, to open you up a little?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Okay. Because I yeah. I I knew that the placenta had detached Mhmm. But it just didn't deliver on their terms. If I would have been more involved in a conversation If I would have been a little bit more coherent about my surroundings, I would have said, let it be. It'll come out on its own. But first thing I asked after I knew he had helped it out was, is there any fragments? And he said, no. It's all good. I said, okay. That's fine. And he said, well, now I have to check you for tears, so you have to turn over, which I did. There was no tears. He said there was a little, what did he call it, road rash?
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
But he said stitching it would make it worse. And I said, well, yeah. If it's not laceration, why would you even wanna stitch it?
Speaker 1
So what position did you deliver in?
Speaker 2
I had one knee down, one knee up. Like, it's kinda hard. Imagine, like, a very deep lunge.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I see it.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It was kinda like that leaning forward on a birth ball. So I wanted immediate skin to skin. Baby was good. They were done with their respiratory stuff. And instead of giving baby to me, they're like, well, let's weigh and measure and do all this and then do skin to skin. And I'm thinking how annoying, but whatever. It doesn't take long for them to finish that up. You know, I got baby on me and just let him be. Some time passed. I don't know how much. And I tried nursing, but baby wasn't ready. He was pretty tired. I didn't mind, you know. He'll eat when he's ready.
Speaker 1
How when did you get out of there? How long did you stay there?
Speaker 2
Well, because I refused the GBS screening, baby for forty eight hours to monitor for infection.
Speaker 1
Did they give antibiotics to the baby?
Speaker 2
I refused that.
Speaker 1
So But he stayed in the room with you?
Speaker 2
Yes. The whole time. The only time he was not in the room with me was when they had to do a newborn screening.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And when I took a quick fifteen minute shower, that was all. Otherwise, he was with me. So we had him on the twenty second. We were discharged on the twenty fourth, and I was up all night making sure I had all my stuff together, and I was ready to go. Like, as soon as doctor came in for discharge, I was like, I'm just gonna run out the door with my baby, and I'm not coming back. Well, doctor came in. He said, no rush. Really, there's no rush. Stay here. Make sure you eat breakfast. But it was more of an order than a reminder. And I'm thinking I'm gonna have breakfast at home, but, yeah, thanks for bossing me around some more. And by the time Alex got there with our daughter, it was almost lunchtime because mornings with her are hard to get out of the house. And the nurses that were coming in the night before we were discharged, she came in my room and she said, I just wanted to come in and introduce myself to you before we do anything because I know how anxious you are and, basically, that I don't want them to do anything routine. And she just wants to make sure that I understand she's not gonna make me do anything that I don't wanna do and that being with her is safe. And I was like, what the hell are you talking about? Why does everyone think that I'm this crazy lady who doesn't let anyone near me?
Speaker 1
I mean I don't know. In a What
Speaker 2
is going on?
Speaker 1
From a perspective on our culture, you know, a noncompliant woman is one of the most threatening things in our society, you know, and that's all that you've been is noncompliant and that I mean, the to do that in obstetrics and in the patriarchal model is, like, shattering. And and, you know, women get painted crazy constantly constantly for actually just having boundaries or autonomy or anger. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Exactly. Yeah. And, I mean, this nurse, she also works in ER. I've seen her use the same impact approach with mental health patients when I was in clinicals. This is the same hospital I did my my nursing rotations at. And the way that all of these nurses were approaching me was don't poke the angry bear. Mhmm. And I was so annoyed, and I was telling them that I was very annoyed. You don't need to talk to me like that. You can talk to me like a normal person. I'm not being noncompliant. They asked for a set of vital signs. Yeah. Sure. You wanna do vital signs on the baby? Just do it in the room with me. Don't whisk them off to do a temperature. You don't need to do that. And in all reality, the approach that I was getting in the in the hospital after I had my baby was more stressful. It was putting stress on my postpartum healing. It was putting stress on my bonding with baby because they were talking to me like I should be questioning myself. Like, I should be questioning my decisions and my thought processes, and that isn't right. Like, you know, I own my mind, and they own theirs, and they're different. Sure. But that's not bad.
Speaker 1
Well, Anne, you know, the larger problem with your particular situation is you didn't belong there. That wasn't the safe right place for you. And, unfortunately, your partner put you there, you know, and it it I mean, that's that's that's the reality that he wasn't able to hold the space for you and support your choices because his fear, you know, overarch your desires and your needs. And it put you in a place that as you try to navigate your individuality in a system that doesn't know how to respect that, it caused more and more and more problems, You know? And and Right. What I'm wondering in the in the postpartum processing ex you know, period for you since December, where are you at now? You know, being months out of it and having had a pretty wild story, with with a lot of triumph and and also, you know, with with some serious frustrations or, what's the word I'm looking for? You know, not being supported in in all of it. Where are you at now with with your birth story? How do you feel about it?
Speaker 2
I feel very good about it. Like I said, even with the respiratory complications that my baby had, those couple of minutes where he was pinking up right away, I have never been worried about that. And altogether, my experience was very, very, very good. And I would love to get the full unassisted birth experience next time. My boyfriend says no more kids, but we'll see where that goes. I have all my stuff ready. And, I'm thinking that, you know, for my future pregnancy or pregnancies that I'm just gonna use all that time to stay relaxed and put trust in my body and in my baby because my body knows how to birth. My baby knows how to be born. And in the event that, you know, something goes out of what's expected. You know, I'll just prepare myself more and refresh myself on what to do in those situations.
Speaker 1
Well, it doesn't sound
Speaker 2
like fully.
Speaker 1
It doesn't sound like you're the one that needs to work on getting on board with this. You know, it sounds like you're very knowledgeable and capable and intuitive and determined and, you know, educated, and you've got all the pieces. Obviously, the missing piece is if someone on your team is freaking out and is gonna call nine one one when you get, you know, when you really get going, you know, that's obviously what needs to get worked out in the future. And I I hope that you do because it does sound like you have just everything that you need to do it your way. And and I wanna really honor you in your ability in the face of a system that had no idea how to support you. And unfortunately, you know, a partner as well that you were able to navigate the hospital system, you know, and your delivery on your terms and, you know, that in transition and in delivery, you were able to be checking in with yourself and communicating your needs. And, you know, I love that you said you were bossing everyone around and, you know, it's it's that, you know, in a lot of ways, that's a hard birth story that you that you navigated, but at the same time, so triumphant and so autonomous and so so you, you know, so much of your strength coming through and that you chose your position and that you said no to things and you you did what what felt right. And of course, it birthed a beautiful baby with no tears to your perineum. And it's just I really admire you. It's a it's a big story that you're carrying, especially from your first one as well, and that you really were able to feel, you know, your own terms even with nine one one and transferring and transition and all the craziness to your story that you really held on to yourself through the whole thing is just so inspiring. I really appreciate you sharing your story. It's gonna, I think, be really inspiring and healing to have out into the world.
Speaker 2
Thank you. Yeah. It it's it's an important story to me, you know, because, you know, obviously, it's we went through that together, But, also, it's important for other people to know that story too because regardless of if they are planning an unassisted birth or a home birth with an assistant or if they're planning on going to a birth center or to a hospital, it's important to me that women know what's important to them. And they're able to trust their surroundings and themselves, more importantly, to have the birth that they are designed to have, to have the birth that they deserve to have, to have every birth be a positive experience regardless of what happens along the way. And as I've said before, I feel like it's important for women to well, and family is really partners equally as responsible here to prepare for a possible unassisted birth in the case that one expectedly happens, that you know enough about birth to make decisions that you need to make and be prepared for the unexpected. And Absolutely. Also you you know, it's it's a really good time to figure out more about yourself and your relationships and what you need for your birth, like, like, regardless of if you're gonna have an assisted birth or not. Your needs are still important. The mom is just as important as the baby during a birth, and I feel like we often get forgot about during birth because it's all about mom as the incubator and baby's the shiny new package. Mhmm. You know, moms are important too.
Speaker 1
Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your story, and I loved having you on and getting to know you and hear your strength. And, yeah, I'm very grateful for you sharing in this space.
Speaker 2
Thank you. I'm I'm very grateful for the opportunity to share that, and, hopefully, it empowers and encourages and inspires other women and families to have the birth that they deserve to. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
Awesome. Alright. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 2
You're welcome.
Speaker 1
Have a beautiful day.
Speaker 2
You too. Bye.
Speaker 1
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
