Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
Today on the show, we have the wise and wonderful Dominique. She chose a home birth with a midwife and doula for her first in the Bronx in New York. But upon reflection after the birth, she realized she would have preferred to have just been alone with her husband. So when she became pregnant with her second son and moved to Texas, it was an easy and intuitive decision for her to have a mostly unassisted pregnancy and then free birth. We talk about breastfeeding while in labor and what it was like for Dominique to tandem nurse her two young children for two years.
Speaker 2
So my decision to have a home birth, with my first son kind of came about a few years prior to me getting pregnant. I'm not really sure what the initial event that sparked it was. I just remember being on YouTube, and I ran into some videos about, about home birth and natural childbirth. I learned all about midwifery and what a doula is, and I was so fascinated. I just kept reading books and watching more videos. I ran into some documentaries. And so when I did get pregnant with my first son, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that that's what I wanted to do. My partner, however, at the time, we weren't married. He was not at all in support of home birth. He was like, that's crazy. Like, no. I don't think it's safe. So I said, okay. Let's watch some documentaries together. We also read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. And I'm trying to remember. I think we watched The Business of Being Born, a few other other documentaries. And after that, he was more on board and we had some conversations. We took, a six week a six week holistic childbirth preparation course. So, that was really intense. It was three hours every week and they went over everything. It was really awesome and we got to really, delve into this idea of all aspects of childbirth and all different ways of birthing. And so he became really, like, one of my biggest advocates around this. And so the birth, I met my midwives in my second trimester. It was a team of midwives. And And I also had a doula, but I didn't meet her until probably about two or three weeks prior to the birth. And this was what state? This was in in Bronx, New York.
Speaker 1
Oh, right.
Speaker 2
Okay. And, so the visits went well. Everything was going great. I felt like I had a pretty good relationship with my team of midwives. I had a, I'll say, a better relationship with one of them than I did with the other. I just felt more of a connection with her. And, And, unfortunately, during the birth, she had to go out of town. So the I remember the labor was about eighteen hours with my first son, and everything was so smooth. I mean, we had soft soft music going. We had a tub there. It was just very chill, very relaxed, and, I felt very in control of my body. And I don't know. It was just something I had been preparing for for so long, and, it was very just very Zen. And my the second midwife, her energy was a little bit, a little bit excitatory, I think. And so we kind of had a bit of a clash there to where I felt like I didn't really need so much assistance. I just kind of wanted to be left alone. But she kept trying to say, well, you need to do the you know, go on the squatting stool, and now we need to get you doing this and that. And so, there was a bit of a of an energy clash there. And then, she got scared that I was going to, I guess, have maternal exhaustion, and she kept mentioning that I might need a transfer. And I'm like, no. I'm fine. And, I mean, yeah, I was tired, but I was I think I would have been fine. And so she's like, well, we're gonna do I recommend we do an assisted pushing. So I was like, okay. Fine. We did that. And in the middle of while I was pushing, she kind of had a bit of, I guess a breakdown because she wanted me to push a certain way and I was doing the best I could, but I was also trying to, like I don't know. It just got kinda crazy. And so everyone had to kind of, like, tell her, look, it's okay. Calm down. And it I don't know. It's it's almost like the focus of the room went on to her for a bit of a second. And I'm like, hello. There's a baby here trying to come out. So that I'll say the that part of the labor was the last maybe thirty minutes of it was really, it took me a while to write my birth story after that because I was so angry. But then when I look back over the entire experience, it was beautiful. Like, just the support I had from my doula was awesome. She was very good at keeping everybody, calm, but also she was so attentive to me, and she helped me to, remember all the different positions I could get into to be comfortable. My partner at the time, he was very supportive. And they just facilitated such a great environment for me to labor. And so, I'm trying to recall everything because it's been a while, but it it was just a really beautiful, relaxing experience. And even though I had that awkward moment with the midwife at the end, that doesn't, speak to the whole experience. And I was I knew at that point that I think I would have been fine with just me, my partner, and possibly the doula. So then when I got pregnant the second time, I'm like, let's look into unassisted because, I've been educating myself for so long about this process and, newborn procedures and, different herbs to take. And, I mean, you name it, I could probably teach an entire course on preparing for childbirth. So, I figured I think I would be fine. And I know that, what to look for if I reach a point where I'm not sure what to do. Then, you know, I'm open to being transferred or whatever. But I really I felt comfortable and confident in my body. So unassisted, my my we had gotten married to my husband at the time. He was very he was very, okay with home birth. The unassisted, again, was a bit of a hurdle for him. And he's like, I'm not sure, you know, like, are we qualified if something happens to the baby? And so, again, we went into a very, educational period of reading blogs, reading books, and watching videos.
Speaker 1
He's like, I just got comfortable with home birth, dude.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I was like, Yeah, let's intensify this a bit. Yeah. And so and, so, yeah, that was really cool. Just his openness to to learn. And and I kept having to kinda nudge him towards throughout the entire pregnancy, but he came around, let's say the latter half of the third trimester to where he felt like, okay, we can do this. You know? And also recalling the experience we had with the midwife, he kind of agreed with me that it would be better if we didn't have the distractions. And I'm grateful for you know, having birth professionals, but I just don't think it's I think that if you for me, being that I'm comfortable in my body, I know what I'm doing and I felt really confident, it would be best if it were just us. Right. It's
Speaker 1
like this it's like this trade off when you're when you are comfortable and confident in your ability to do it, then really, you would only need them or you would only have a midwife, like, in those just in case situations. So then it becomes this trade off of, okay. Yes. It would be nice to have someone here and just in case, but then that price of admission is I have to have a stranger here possibly trying to interfere with my birth and get involved when I don't want or do a trade out in the middle of the labor like you had. So it's interesting because it does wind up being this, like, yeah, like, trade off of is one really worth the other. And I think, you know, like you, a lot of a lot of free birthers make this assessment that it's like, like, no. It's not worth
Speaker 2
it. Right. And so, the second my second birth, I think I had a prodromal labor because now when I was reading through my birth story and kind of looking back over the Braxton Hicks and what I was going through the last few days before I actually went into labor, everyone told me that the second birth and on is gonna be so much faster and everything just happened so quickly and that was not my experience at all. So, now I'm in Texas where we, ordered some supplies and things like that, a birthing pool and made sure that we had things to, for the umbilical cord. And so, here I am stocked with all my stuff. I had created some herbal preparations for, perennial care after birth and things like that. So, I was kind of just waiting around, twiddling my thumbs with this big belly, waiting for the baby to come. And I went up to I lost count. I think I was close to forty two weeks, which was the same with my first. And, so yeah, I went into labor one night. It was August first. My husband made this very spicy bowl of curry, and I don't know, I guess that's what sent me over the edge. And, I started having very, very intense contractions. It wasn't so much like the first labor where, with my first son, I had these kind of gradual surges where you can kind of feel it kind of tightening, tightening, tightening. And then it was very, very gradual, very graceful, and almost predictable. Whereas this was a completely different ballgame. So, I had one contraction. Maybe fifteen minutes later, I'd have another one, and then seventeen to twenty minutes, I'd have another contraction. So I wasn't sure if I was in early labor, active labor, or what was going on because there was no pattern, but they were all a minute and a half in length. So, and they were intensifying. They just weren't getting closer together. So, this went on pretty much through the whole night. I did the cat cow yoga position because I think the baby was posterior. I had a lot of, pressure in my lower back. And, so I did that for a while until I needed to kind of change and do something different. I found myself, on all fours leaning my torso over the side of the bed because that was the position I was most comfortable in. My husband offered to do a rebozo and he's like, Oh, let's try the double hip squeeze. And I was so trying to get through each one that I was, I just, I was like, Don't touch me. And, so I was very I don't know, I think I was very snappy because I just I didn't feel as I guess I didn't feel as in control this time. And I kept in my mind trying to compare this labor to the previous labor. And so I was like, well, this is different. The contractions are different. And so I had to kind of bring myself back to center and be present and realize that this is a different baby and this is a different labor. And so I need to switch up my game plan to see how I'm going to, get through this. And so, I still wasn't sure I was in labor until probably about, three or four in the morning. I started to get nauseous. And I, like, I never I never get nauseous. And so we both we both knew that this was definitely a sign that that was it. And, sometime, I I believe after that is when I noticed my my mucus plug, but it was such a small faint amount. I think I had lost it in the days leading up to, being in labor. So it wasn't like one big event as in my first, labor. So, I'll say probably about four or five in the morning is when I asked my husband to fill up the tub because I was like, I just need to get in the water. So we put a bunch of Epsom salt in there. It was warm. It was soothing. I must have stayed in there maybe thirty, forty minutes or so. And then I was like, okay. I wanna get back into bed.
Speaker 1
And is your older is your older son asleep this whole time?
Speaker 2
Yeah. He's asleep. No. He was I got lucky this night because he used to wake up probably five to seven times a night for comfort nursings, and it was like that constantly. He woke up one time around two something, and my husband was able to rock him to sleep, which was a miracle. Yeah. And then he woke up again a couple hours later, and this time he was adamant about nursing. And so, I remember I told my husband, Just put him on the bed in front of me. I was I was still on all fours. -Wow. -And, I just started saying, Give me strength, give me strength, give me strength, you know, trying to stay focused. And he nursed for maybe three or four minutes, and it took, I think I had about two or three contractions in that time. So I just felt like it was
Speaker 1
-You were in, like, active labor when you were nursing?
Speaker 2
-Yeah. -And we did it. -And we did it. If I didn't give him some milk, it was just gonna be a bunch of screaming. So I'm like, let me just -Sure.
Speaker 1
Deal with it.
Speaker 2
-bear down and do this. I got lucky. He went to sleep and he didn't wake up again until nine the next morning. When I thought of that, I feel like the body has some kind of way of signaling because the first time being that he allowed my husband to rock him to sleep, like, that's something that we we never were able to do prior to that. It's almost like he intuitively knew that it was cool. And I don't know if there was a hormonal change that changed the breast milk that made him sleep a little bit longer or what, but I just find that that whole process to be amazing.
Speaker 1
Totally. I wish you had a picture. I wish you I love the image of you, like, over the bed nursing. I wish they had a photo of that.
Speaker 2
I know. I know. We didn't take we didn't take any pictures. I didn't even think of it until after the baby was born. Well, I think
Speaker 1
it's common with free birthers if it's only your man. Like, he's not gonna be thinking about taking pictures if he's the only one there. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And, so, yeah, I, a couple a couple hours after the first bath, I asked him to fill the pool up this time. And so he goes back and fills the bathtub up, and I was just going, Why did you fill the bathtub? I told him to fill up the pool. And I'm flipping out, and by the time by the time I got in the water, after about, like, ten or fifteen seconds, I was completely just calm because it was so soothing.
Speaker 1
In the bath or the or the pool?
Speaker 2
In the bathtub. Okay. Yeah. We have a garden style tub, so it's it's pretty big. Yeah. But, yeah, I was just happy to to have the comfort of the warm water. So stayed in there for a bit, and I did a little a little bit of stretching and moving around. And, this time, I think I got out probably after twenty minutes or so. I just couldn't seem to really get in a position that was comfortable. But at this time, in my mind, I was still somehow convinced that I wasn't in labor. And then I thought I was in labor because my contractions were still about seventeen to twenty minutes apart. Wow. And so, went back in the room. Couple hours later, got back. I told him to fill up the pool this time. I was like, make sure you actually fill up the pool. We had the hose
Speaker 1
and everything set.
Speaker 2
He goes and fills the bathtub up again. Oh my
Speaker 1
god. You've gotta be kidding me.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So I go back in there again. I'm like, I told you to fill up the pool. Do you
Speaker 1
wanna get divorced right now?
Speaker 2
Seriously, at that point, I was livid in a
Speaker 1
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2
He knew exactly what he was doing, so I get in the tub.
Speaker 1
Did he not want to fill up the pool? What's the deal?
Speaker 2
I think that he realized it would be faster to just fill up the tub, and he knew I wasn't gonna stay in I wasn't going to stand longer. I think also that he had a better grasp on where I was in labor than I did because I just remember his presence being so calm the whole time. He was just so Zen about the whole thing. That's awesome. Yeah, the third time I was in the tub, I was only in there for about maybe fifteen minutes and I felt this like burst of hunger and he said, Okay, let me just grab you some grapes. And that was different for me because during my first labor, I couldn't eat anything. I couldn't keep anything down. I was nauseous the whole time. And so I felt like I almost had a bit of a break, but I was just so hungry. So here I'm just cramming down these grapes in the tub. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I feel like I have the urge to push, but I don't know if I'm in labor. And he says, You know, if you He's like, If you feel the urge to push, go with it. And so I'm like, Okay. So I gave about two or three pushes, and I started to feel this descending like, you could see my belly was descending. Wow. The bulge was going lower and lower. And so I'm like, oh, my gosh. Is this like at this point, I realized I was in labor. I didn't feel any more pain. I didn't all I could think of was I was so ready to meet my baby. Yeah. And so I'm smiling. It's like something completely different came over me. And
Speaker 1
So wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. So did you never get consistent contractions?
Speaker 2
Did I I'm sorry. Can you repeat the question?
Speaker 1
Be quiet, Charles. Did you did you never get consistent contractions?
Speaker 2
Never. Wow. Not during the second birth. Never. They were all the way up to transition. They were seventeen, twenty minutes apart.
Speaker 1
That is so wild. I love the I love the idea. I like the image of you in the tub pushing, being like, maybe I am in labor.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Oh, so And so, I I was still comparing it to the to the prior labor. I don't know why I did that to myself, but Sure.
Speaker 1
It's normal.
Speaker 2
So I so I could see my belly descending. And Okay. Oh, I remember I inserted a finger because I wanted to see if I could feel the baby's head, and I felt the entire bag of waters coming through the birth canal. So I'm like, Brian, Brian. I called my husband. And I was like, you have to feel this. And so he filled the bag of waters, and so we were all excited. And so, yeah, about a couple minutes later, my son was born. And, I was kind of up on on my knees, like, in an erect position, which was just very different for me. And I had my husband when he when the baby was crowning, I asked him to apply counter pressure to my to my perineum. I just felt like, it was a lot of pressure, so I thought that would be a good idea. And it helped. The baby came right out. And I remember the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck, and so I wrapped unwrapped it. It was wrapped three times around. And we laid him on my chest, and he let off this little high pitched squeal. It's the funniest thing ever. And I was like, oh, my God. I hope he doesn't actually cry like that because
Speaker 1
Like a little pig.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It was so funny. But, oh, and I forgot to mention, we didn't know what the gender was. We decided to keep it a surprise.
Speaker 1
So Fun. So were. About the umbilical cord, you know, because that's obviously something that people are told is this super dangerous thing, but, you know, we know that it's not most of the time and that it's very common. So had you when you saw the head be born and you saw the cord, did you already know what to do, or was it just instinctive? Can you speak to that a little bit?
Speaker 2
Well, I had done some reading and heard about the cord wrapped around, but I just saw the baby and I saw the cord and I sprung into action. I just gently took the cord from around, and I wasn't concerned so much because I know that they don't breathe through their nose until, you know, they're out. But, I just assumed everything was fine. And I don't know. I didn't I didn't have much with that, Preston. I just started to unravel it. And, he was quiet for maybe, like, thirty seconds or so, and just because his nose had fluid in it. But after, I suctioned his nose really quickly, and that was it. He was letting out his little squeals.
Speaker 1
That's beautiful. So what was your and then what about the placenta?
Speaker 2
So, at that point, I stayed in the tub for probably a couple more minutes. We brought my, my oldest son in to meet his brother. He just kind of looked, then he walked back down the hall. -Yeah. -It's like, I'm good. -So then, in our room, we had Chuck's pads and things down. So I got into the bed, and the placenta, it took me a while. I think it took me maybe an hour to deliver the placenta. And for one reason, I was nursing the baby, and then I was just kind of reclining for a bit. So I think the position kind of took it a little bit longer. So, after being in the bed for a little bit and just kinda bonding with the baby, I got up. We I went in the bathroom, and I had a, like, a little bowl. And so I kinda squatted over the bowl and placenta came right out. And, I think we had the baby's umbilical cord clamped up to that point. And so we had a little tie. We put that on. So everything was very laid back. There was no rush after he was born to really do anything. We just kind of hung out. We clamped his the cord after it stopped pulsating, but that was after since I was there so long before delivering the placenta, we probably didn't clamp it until maybe thirty, forty five minutes after he was born. So it was had definitely stopped pulsing by then. Yeah. And cleanup was super easy. It just it was such a relaxing process. I I really want women to know that if that's some if unassisted birth is something you wanna do, it's totally doable. It's beautiful, and it's very calming, and not anything like what's portrayed in the media. I know.
Speaker 1
I wish I wish we could just call this birth and then call hospital and midwife assisted birth assisted birth. You know, like, this is just birth. You know? Because even the term unassisted is, like, you know, I don't know. I think it's kind of silly. Like, you know, you had your partner there, you had your own confidence, you had nature, you had, you know, faith. Like, there's so much, you know, in you know, I just Yeah. I always think about that, how we Because the default now is this heavily assisted birth, it's to even call normal birth unassisted, kind of does it like disservice, you know?
Speaker 2
It does. Yeah. It it makes it sound like it's something else outside of the norm.
Speaker 1
Mhmm. Totally. So what was your prenatal care like with the little one?
Speaker 2
I did not let's see.
Speaker 1
Did you see
Speaker 2
anybody at all? I did. When we when I first got pregnant, we were still in the Bronx. And so I had an original I think I had maybe two prenatal visits with him. When I first found out I was pregnant, I went back for one more after that. And then I had a fetal anatomy scan at twenty weeks. And, and that was it. We moved down that was in, I think January, and we moved down to Frisco in March. So, at that point, we were getting settled in and I was fine. My pregnancy was going normal, so I didn't bother finding another provider when we came here. I didn't feel like I really needed it.
Speaker 1
And how did your guys' families respond to this choice? Did you tell them beforehand, or did you not tell them till after?
Speaker 2
Yeah. We didn't tell anybody we were doing unassisted. Yeah. Just, so I think that everyone learned a lot during, the my first son's birth because my mom was there, his mom was there, and we talked to people about having a home birth prior to and then after seeing everything was fine. It just became kind of a normal conversation. As far as unassisted, I didn't think it would I don't know. I just didn't want the chance of anyone saying anything negative because I don't think that it would have been I just don't think it would have been as well received. Because people, they get afraid. You know? And they don't know if they see birth as kind of like a medical emergency, and they think that if you're there by yourself, what if something happens and you're not qualified? And so home birth is one thing to accept for for people to accept unassisted birth. I just don't think that I would have been able to have a productive conversation around that.
Speaker 1
So did you tell your family that you were home birthing with a midwife?
Speaker 2
Well, I told them that I was home birthing. We didn't really get into details.
Speaker 1
Gotcha.
Speaker 2
So it was kind of, like, strategically avoiding having the whole conversation.
Speaker 1
And then what about once the baby was born, then did you like, do they all know now?
Speaker 2
Yeah. They all know now.
Speaker 1
And what was their reaction?
Speaker 2
They're just like well, their reaction was like, girl, you are crazy, but you're so strong. I admire you. And, wow, I can't believe that. And so, it's been really nice just to be able to Also, one benefit to not say anything prior to is to just tell people this happened and let them see the results. Of
Speaker 1
course.
Speaker 2
I think it they approach the conversation with a different mindset as opposed to thinking about what the possibilities are. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
Totally. Of course. Yeah. And so do you have any like, anybody in your community there in Texas who who have done this, or are you a lone ranger?
Speaker 2
I am a lone ranger. I found some online groups. I was a part of a Facebook group called unassisted I think it's called unassisted childbirth. I can't really remember. And, so I was able to talk with some of the women in there, and they were kind of cheering me on throughout the journey. And so it was nice to have that. Also, the woman who wrote unassisted childbirth,
Speaker 1
was Laura Shanley.
Speaker 2
Laura Shanley, yes. I corresponded with her. Her website was very helpful. Because I wanted to know, like, legal things, what to do about birth certificate and things like that. And so, she had a lot of free information on her site, but I also sent her an email and talked with her. And so that was nice to, kinda have that as a resource.
Speaker 1
And and so did you tell, like, one how old is the baby now?
Speaker 2
So he's gonna be two in August.
Speaker 1
Okay, and so you were kinda new to Texas when you had him, right?
Speaker 2
Very new.
Speaker 1
So then when you started making mom friends and stuff, did you share your story and how was that received?
Speaker 2
No. I haven't actually told very many, very many people. Yeah. To be honest, I'm I'm also an entrepreneur, so I get kind of caught up here and I don't I don't get out as much with other parents. I try. Weekly we go to the library and stuff like that, but I haven't had as many I don't really have, I will say, a supportive group of mom friends. I have other friends, but they're not people with children. There is, however, a community here. I'm in Frisco, and Plano is a neighboring city. So they have, a shop where they sell, like, baby wrap, like, different types of wraps and carriers for babies, and they do all kinds of moms groups and stuff like that. And that's something that I would like to participate in. It's just here kind of getting settled in, everything kind of happened so fast and us having one vehicle. It just it gets a little difficult. And do you
Speaker 1
think you will have any more children?
Speaker 2
Yeah, we're gonna wait probably about three years. Nice. And, sorry about that. And, yeah, I'm hoping maybe when my oldest son is four or five, that would be a good time. Oh, how old is he? So, he'll be three in July. Oh, they're little together. Yeah. So I had, the first home birth was in July of twenty fourteen. The second one in was in August of twenty fifteen, so I didn't have much of a break.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Wow. That is very close together. Oh, man. Yeah. So that was that like a pretty big surprise when you were pregnant again?
Speaker 2
Yeah. I found out, I was I think I found out when my son was four months and
Speaker 1
Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 2
My first response was, I was crying, and I felt I had a lot of emotions around it. I felt like this is unfair to my my baby. And, I don't know why I thought that. I felt like I was somehow taking away from him. But I nursed him throughout the entire pregnancy. Everyone told me, oh, your milk's gonna dry up at some point, so just be prepared for that, and that never happened. And, Do
Speaker 1
you tandem nurse, or is he off off feeding now?
Speaker 2
I actually just weaned him about a month ago.
Speaker 1
How'd that go? So you were tandem nursing for two years?
Speaker 2
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1
Wow. How was that? That's wild. No wonder you didn't get out to the other mom groups.
Speaker 2
Yeah. You got your wife full. Yeah. That's that's true. It was it was a lot. It got a little, exhausting at some times, especially when when my youngest was first born. Can you imagine my oldest waking up six, seven times a night? And I have this new baby. I'm not getting enough sleep. So the first few months were kinda rough. Yeah. And Did
Speaker 1
you just have them both in the room with you?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Most of the time, we all my husband ended up sleeping on the couch most of the time because there just wasn't enough space, you know? But, yeah, I had both babies in there with me so I wouldn't have to go back and forth down the hall. Eventually, I got my oldest son to sleep in his own room. I had a lot of emotions around that because I'm like, Oh, he's all by himself in there. But it was okay. He did fine. At the first whimper, I was down the hall nursing him, and I come back in with the baby show. Oh my god. I don't know. It was like it took some superhuman strength because I remember feeling very, very, very exhausted, for those first, I'll say, four months after my youngest was born. And then I started to get more into the hang of things. My oldest started to sleep through the night. And then that was right around the time. See, the thing with newborns, obviously, is they sleep a lot. So right when my oldest started to sleep through the night, little ones started waking up constantly. So I'm like, No. But, yeah, so the breastfeeding journey has been it's been awesome because I've learned a lot about, I guess, self care.
Speaker 1
That's what I was gonna ask. Yeah. What what if how did you navigate self care with Tandem Nursing for so long?
Speaker 2
Making sure that I force myself to take a nap when I have a quiet moment because I'm the person that if I have something I wanna do, I will just keep plowing through it because the kids are asleep. And, so it's taken me a little bit of time to to just give myself permission to take a nap, taking more baths. And now I I get out of the house a lot more because for the first year, I was kind of cooped up in here because I was so busy with trying to run the business and, also be present for my sons, and I felt guilty if I wasn't there with them. And so I started going to, like, a women's breakfast group. I meet up with some friends once a month. We do that, and then I started going to a meditation group. I go I went there on Wednesday nights, and, now I'm doing all kinds of stuff. So
Speaker 1
so was there ever a point with the older one where you were like, oh, it would just be so much easier to wean him so that I could just be feeding one baby? Like, what what was it in you that was so willing to persevere?
Speaker 2
That's a great question. I did I did feel like that sometimes where I was just like, ugh, I can't do this anymore. But then I thought about, okay, well then what's the alternative? Stick him on formula? Put him on cow's milk? Like, no. I'm not gonna do that. And so I just I would have conversations with myself. This is what I said I was gonna do. This is why I said I was gonna do it. I want my I want the bonding experience, first of all, to be able to have that bonding experience with my son. I also wanna be able to give him the antibodies and the great things that they get through breast milk, all the benefits of, you know, brain development. And, also, what would go through his mind if I were to just cut him off? You know? Like, how would he feel emotionally, and, why is he nursing in the first place? Most of his nursings were comfort nursings. You know? He didn't need the milk. And so I had to just ask myself, is there a reason to cut off this source of comfort that he has when he's just one and a half, two years old? You know? And so that's I had to have those conversations a lot because I'm human. You know? I get tired. But
Speaker 1
Yeah, it's hard work.
Speaker 2
I'm like, I can do this. It's temporary
Speaker 1
in the grand scheme of things.
Speaker 2
Exactly, yeah. Just remembering why I chose to breastfeed in the first place. So I wanted my goal was to breastfeed until my children are three and then let them make their decision if they want to wean after that. That sounds noble and all, but so I weaned my son about a month ago. He'll be three in July, so I almost got there. But it's a lot, you know.
Speaker 1
So how did the weaning go while his little brother's still feeding, so he still sees that? Was that challenging?
Speaker 2
For the, you know, for the first like two days, he seemed like he was a little bit jealous. But what we did is I nursed him during the daytime when he went down for his nap, and at night, I allowed my husband to put him to sleep. So he'd read him some books and sang to him and and whatnot. And so that went well for a couple days. And so then during the afternoons, I started to just hold him close to me, and we'd sit in the chair and I'd sing to him. And at first, he was looking like, hey. Where's the look? You know? Like, what are we doing in this chair?
Speaker 1
And so what I want. So was he like reaching for your breast and you were denying it?
Speaker 2
Well, he was just kind of he was just kind of nestling his face in. And sometimes he would kind of look at me like like, what are we waiting here for? You know? But he he's a pretty cool kid. He went he went with it, and, he would lay down, and it took him a minute to go to sleep. I could hear him in there talking and, you know, laughing or whatever. But after maybe a week or so, he he's cool now. Like, he'll When I take him in for a nap during the days, I just sing a couple of songs to him. Actually, about three days ago, he stopped me in the middle of the song, and he says, Mom? And I'm like, Yeah? He said, Close the door. He wanted me to leave.
Speaker 1
I'm I'm good.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And I was like, okay.
Speaker 1
That's hilarious.
Speaker 2
Little mister independent. Yeah. So he's he's done really well.
Speaker 1
Well, you know, and it really speaks to your perseverance because, you know, I mean, kids who are breastfed and properly bonded to their to their moms are independent. You know? Mhmm. They they are like that. And so you you put the, you know, probably at some times very grueling work in to give of yourself so much for so long, but it's obviously paying off and will continue to pay off.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Well, thanks. That means a lot.
Speaker 1
You I mean, you'll continue to see it. And yeah. And give yourself that credit because it's very real. Like, they will be healthier. They are healthier. They will continue to be healthier, But also just the the comfort of being independent is not random. That is like burned, you know? And in our culture, we have it so backwards. Like, we don't, but most people have it so backwards because they're coming out of those generations of cry it out and that kids are manipulative and, you know, all of this, like, bullshit, you know, whereas you're like, no, I'm gonna actually follow my maternal instincts and care for my children and then reap the benefits of it as they grow up. You know, because a lot of women are literally told not to tandem nurse. They're told stop breastfeeding when you're pregnant. You know, they're actually told this stuff. So I I'm happy that we touched on that part of your story because I'm definitely gonna include that because it's just, you know, I I've worked with women who want to keep nursing their baby while they're pregnant and their doctor's telling them not to or their, you know, mom's telling them not to. So yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah. But my son's pediatrician told me, his weight was fine, but she said you have to be careful because he's your milk is gonna decrease, and it's not gonna be enough to feed him. And that was it just wasn't true. And I went online looking for anything to reinforce this belief that I could feed my baby throughout pregnancy, and I couldn't find really many articles or anything of people talking about it. So I should have put it on the blog. But, yeah, definitely more people need to know. You absolutely can nurse throughout the entire pregnancy.
Speaker 1
And he, I mean, eventually was on was eating other foods. Right? I mean, he was on
Speaker 2
Yeah. He he had solid food. He started a little early at I've started him at four months. But, yeah, he was
Speaker 1
You're like you find out you're pregnant and you're like, you're gonna start eating food now.
Speaker 2
That's funny. Yeah. And, you know, the funny thing is I think maybe I was so nervous because of listening to the pediatrician saying, well, you have to be careful. Make sure he's getting enough calories. And so, so, yeah, my plan was to wait until six months. But at four months, he started eating, like, little carrots and Mhmm. Things like that.
Speaker 1
Totally. Yeah. I'd be nervous too if someone was telling me that. Absolutely. Wow. What a story. So cool. Just so Yeah. I just I love how how simplistic this story can be for so many women, you know, that it's like you already had the intuition to have a home birth. You tried it the midwifery way, and you're like, I'm good. You just did it yourself with your partner, and he sounds like he was just so wonderful during it. This just I love it. Such a beautiful story. Any anything else you wanna add to it?
Speaker 2
All I can say is, that one thing I've told a few people that were that told me they're interested in home birth and their partner is would never buy into it. I had the most, like, rational thinking partner ever who would never have considered that. And just by allowing him to see some resources and, the documentaries really helped. So I think if you're in a situation where your partner doesn't understand or support home birth or unassisted birth, just gathering as much of those materials as you can to make it kind of fun and entertaining for them to learn can help them to, maybe come around and see that you're not the only person on the planet who thinks that way, that there's a whole bunch of people. And just seeing learning the history a little bit about midwifery and how women birthed before the fifties and, you know, all of that helps. And, also, going going with my gut, you know, I learned to just trust. And, I knew about unassisted birth before I had my first, but I'm like, well, it's my first time. Let me just get some help. And, you know, like, I've learned now to listen to what your your heart is telling you because I feel like that's always gonna be the best course of action.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Definitely. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate it. Absolutely. Awesome. Thank you. Have a great day.
Speaker 2
Thank you so much. You too.
Speaker 1
Bye. Bye. That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
