Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
Hey, everyone. A quick note here. If you're enjoying the podcast and wanna support it, you can go over to patreon dot com slash free birth podcast and contribute. There's one dollar a month pledges, five dollars, and so on. Your support is appreciated. Thank you. Today on the show, we have Anna who birthed her baby in Florida. Anna knew years prior to meeting her partner that she was destined to free birth her child. After consciously conceiving her baby, she navigated a rough pregnancy, but never wavered in the knowledge that an unassisted pregnancy and birth was what was right for her. She went into labor in her thirty sixth week, what the medical model would call premature labor, and had a quick and beautiful birth resulting in a healthy baby that breastfed easily. Set set the scene. You were in Florida?
Speaker 2
Yeah, well, you know, the story really starts before that because it starts even before I met Austin and, we got pregnant, three years into our relationship. So about five or six years ago, I heard about unassisted childbirth, and I had heard of it not really as, like, a technical term that was, like, a legitimate option. It was just a raw food couple that I followed on YouTube lived in, Ecuador, and they had their daughter completely unassisted, you know, in the tub, in the water, and had the lotus birth, and, you know, just did everything that it clicked for me. Like, so this was, like, when I was single, like, not even thinking about having a family or if I would have a family. It was like, if I do have a child, this is how it's gonna happen. So then fast forward, I met Austin. I met him and I was like, oh, he's my dream guy. I'm definitely gonna have a baby with this
Speaker 1
guy eventually.
Speaker 2
A few years later, we end up in Florida. And, being in Florida for a couple years, we were talking about what it would look like and feel like to have a child and our parenting styles and, you know, just and then I don't remember exactly, I feel like it was a friend of ours that got pregnant, and that's when we were like, okay, let's do it. Like, it's a good age, and we're in pretty much a stable situation. You know, we had the farm in Florida, so that was like part of our lifestyle. We're like, oh, we live in a tiny house, like, we totally want this to be the way we raise our child. Like, everything that people say you can't do, it costs money to have a kid. And we're like, not really. Like, we're living on a farm growing food, like, and we used to have a bed to sleep in. Like, what more could you need, right? So, so yeah. And then we tried getting pregnant, and that was a conscious effort. So before we decided to have a kid, we were using protection, and I knew that when I I knew that I didn't want to accidentally get pregnant, like I've always known that in my young adult life, like I wanted it to be a conscious decision. So I had researched about, I read, Janine Parvati Baker's book Conscious Conception, and I had known other women that, you know, talk about conscious conception, so I was like, okay. And then I just, I read a book about, I think it was Deepak Chopra's book about pregnancy and and parenting, and he gives you guides to, like, how to envision your chakras and and and the golden light that goes through your chakras when you're intimate with your partner and how you call in your spirit child. And, so that really resonated with us. And within a month of trying, we got pregnant. And so, we didn't go to the doctor and we didn't feel like we needed to double check or anything.
Speaker 1
So how was it with your partner around your choices of coming into the relationship knowing that you wanted an unassisted pregnancy and birth? Was he immediately like, heck yeah? Or was there some okay.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So he he was funny. We joke because he is afraid of hospitals. So we joke that that's the reason he was okay with it. But he, he really felt like, yeah, that makes sense to me. Like, I totally trust you and your body. And, he just was totally along for the ride. Awesome. And I know how brave that is because I talk to so many couples that the the woman, you know, says I've heard this so many times. I would love to have a free birth and assisted birth. My partner cannot have it. Like, even the most, you know, conscious couples, the man can't handle blood or I mean, that's totally understandable, but, I was super blessed because Well, there's no and that's
Speaker 1
the blood thing's funny because there's blood no matter what.
Speaker 2
I know. I know.
Speaker 1
Even in a c section, you know, like, there's it is a bloody affair. There's no getting out of that. But I've always thought that was funny with the aversion to blood or or, like because it's usually paired with needles and, you know, kind of, like, medical stuff. So, actually, an unassisted birth makes way more sense than going into a hospital where you're gonna get an epidural, and you're gonna get, you know, all the, like, needles and all like, having to look at the heplock on the arm. And
Speaker 2
Yeah. But
Speaker 1
yes. It is so common, and it's, you know, it's it's really triggering for me, but I try to I try to have compassion for it because it's so common. But men are really brainwashed, you know, and it it's something I think about a lot because men only recently and what? The our parents' generation, were they invited into the birthing room? You know, like, this is we're like, the pendulum swung way to one side. And so we're we're starting to involve men, you know, in a way that they haven't really
Speaker 2
been. That's so important too. And I wish I remember the exact quote, but, I read somewhere about how just to be about the importance of the husband seeing their child born. Like, in the long run of their relationship, when a man sees this woman give birth to their child, like, it just connects them more deeply and they, you know, just feel, maybe feel differently about, you know, their role as the father.
Speaker 1
-Absolutely. -I feel so included.
Speaker 2
-Yeah. So that was really important to me for him to be a part of it all. And I didn't expect anything of it. Like, when him and I would talk about the birthing process, we'd watch, home birth videos together, and he would get emotional. Like he totally was in that role of like, I'm gonna be there to support you. And I told him, like, you don't even have to do anything really. Like nobody can do anything. The baby's just gonna be born. All you have to do is help set up the pool and get me water and encourage me when, you know, I'm getting down about myself, so. And he did all that perfectly.
Speaker 1
Was it just the two of you at the birth?
Speaker 2
It was, but technically we were on my father in law's property, and so he was, like, in his house on the other side of the property knowing I was in labor.
Speaker 1
But
Speaker 2
nobody else was present. My girlfriend, my best friend, was supposed to be there to be the photographer, because she's a photographer, and then since Lewis was born early, my girlfriend didn't get there in
Speaker 1
time.
Speaker 2
So it was meant to be that way, though. Yeah.
Speaker 1
The baby had other plans. Yeah. Totally. Okay. So then what was your pregnancy like? Did you ever see anybody? Did you just what did you do?
Speaker 2
No. It just didn't resonate with me. I had no desire for a midwife. Nothing against midwives. I think that's an excellent option. My mom really tried to push me to get a midwife. I you know, even if I wanted a midwife, I technically couldn't have afforded one. So that my mom offered to pay for it, you know, did all that to try to give me that option. I told her even if I have that option to afford a midwife, I don't think I want one. It just, it doesn't resonate with me. And the unassisted birth with the unassisted pregnancy per se is what I always knew that I wanted. So this was years of consideration that just felt right to me. And so I just kept going with it as long as it felt right to me. And, And that was part of why I had to have the baby in Florida. I feel like in the scheme of things is because I was alone. Like my mom and dad weren't there, and so I didn't have to feel that pressure all the time of going and getting things checked. I mean, how many times did my family tell me to go get something checked or check for this condition or, you know, check for so many things that don't really ever happen. They're so rare, so it's like
Speaker 1
Was it hard for you to navigate that energy from your family?
Speaker 2
It did sometimes, yeah. Like, I I can't I was in Florida, and I came back to California twice in my pregnancy, once in the beginning and once towards the end, and, they were they tried to be cool about it, like, but I had to really stand my ground. And, you know, in the long run, I'm blessed because nobody forced anything on me, nobody threatened me in any way. I mean, I've heard some horror stories about women's families that didn't support them. So, in the long run, it was okay, but they definitely had their concerns. And so being in Florida was very helpful for everybody because I was able to just have my time and space. And when I went into labor, nobody knew about it. I was early, so nobody was expecting me to go into labor. And so, it turned out to be a really awesome surprise.
Speaker 1
And so how was your pregnancy?
Speaker 2
It was difficult. Like, honestly, it was the most difficult part of all of it. Like, giving birth and the labor was easier than my whole pregnancy for me. Maybe I just wasn't strong enough to handle those discomforts, but I just had the worst nausea. And, I used cannabis for the nausea and that helped a lot, but I still vomited almost every morning and I hardly eat anything. And,
Speaker 1
for the baby locks.
Speaker 2
How long gone? First trimester into the second trimester. And then after after that was over, I had, I started with the heartburn. And the heartburn was so intense for the rest of that, the rest of my pregnancy that I just, I was just miserable. I just couldn't eat anything, like, it was the most difficult part of it all. And I was so trying to be health conscious, like, it stressed it stressed me out that I couldn't stomach a lot of the healthy foods that you're supposed to eat, and, that would stress me out. But in the long run, like, the last few weeks of my pregnancy, all I wanted to eat was watermelon. And I just think that that was part of the helping me become cleansed and prepared for labor.
Speaker 1
I feel that. I feel that. I feel that. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah, exactly. I just ate so much watermelon at the end.
Speaker 1
So you You felt pretty bad the whole time?
Speaker 2
Yeah, I did, and I was just, I mean towards the end I was just kind of ready for her to be born even though it was early. Like, I was like telling the baby, I didn't know it was a girl, but I was like, I'm ready when you are, like take your time. I can be strong. But it was definitely a lot of challenges for me, with physical discomfort.
Speaker 1
And how did you navigate, you know, sitting in this pregnancy that wasn't particularly an easy one, how did you navigate the not knowing? You know, the or or did that even come up much for you about the what ifs and, you know, not knowing, not having the extra kind of routine information about your child?
Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, I mean, I think those fears are, totally legitimate, and I think every woman has them, no matter how much prenatal care you get or don't get, but, like, I don't know, I let a lot of those fears just kind of dissipate. I mean, there's no magic way of just not having fear, but I just felt, everything felt right. It continued to feel like I was on the right path. I think that I would have known, especially, you know, as a pregnant woman, your intuition is so heightened. I was just, felt like I would know if something was off, or if I needed to get something checked. Like, I was just like, you know what, I'm gonna know. There's gonna be an inner knowing that I am, that something's not right, and I just went with that.
Speaker 1
Good, yeah. Yeah. So when you say she came early, what week did she come at?
Speaker 2
You know, everyone isn't really sure, right? Like people always ask me, are you sure? Because I didn't, you know, get a pregnancy test by a doctor.
Speaker 1
Yeah, but you know when you conceived, don't you?
Speaker 2
I do, I do know when I conceived, so technically I was almost thirty six weeks when she was born. And, I know that for sure because of my calculations. I knew it when I was ovulating and all that, but, she could've been, yeah, she could've been any day a
Speaker 1
little bit, you know, earlier, later than thirty six weeks, but I think
Speaker 2
it was around thirty six weeks, for sure. Well, I wanted to add, I think, earlier that I took a hypnobirthing class in my first trimester with Austin, so that was kind of like our tools that we had. And I listened to that, hypnobirthing, like, CD they give you over and over again every single night before I went to bed. So I feel like there was a level of self hypnosis that gave me the confidence to trust my body, and, I didn't use these tapes or any of the other techniques they teach you during labor, but if nothing else, I advise women, pregnant women, to to read the Hypnobirthing book and get the CDs because I definitely felt like that self hypnosis at night was like really really helpful for my, whole pregnancy and my labor for sure.
Speaker 1
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So I went into labor, I believe it was September ninth, and it was like at midnight. So basically I didn't have any Braxton Hicks or any like really early contractions. Like they pretty much just hit all at once, in the middle of the night, and I was able to sleep through a lot of those contractions, and, my partner stayed up to time them, but then I was falling asleep and so he wasn't able to fully time them. And I had to do a lot of hands and knees, that was like my coping mechanism. It was really hard to like sit up or anything else. And then when the sun came up, Austin got out of bed, and he was filling up the, birthing pool outside. So we had a little outdoor setup, it was in Florida, so it was hot in September, and we had built like a, little outdoor studio, so it was like on a platform with a roof, and then it had like a screened in porch thing. So I would
Speaker 1
do yoga out there, and
Speaker 2
it was really like a fun hangout, and that's where we set up my birthing pool, so technically she was born outside. Yeah, that sounds awesome. In the water.
Speaker 1
So you went into labor at night and spent the whole night just kinda getting acquainted with
Speaker 2
it? Yes, and, by, so by the morning he was filling up the pool and they were so excruciating. I mean upstairs in our loft I was like, I gotta get down there in the water, and so I'm like hurry up, and he's filling up the water, and then when it's full, I go down there, and I just remember, like, I don't remember anything really. I mean, like, ever since I got in the water, I really don't remember a lot of the pain. Like I just remember kind of doing a lot of cat cows, and, I got out a couple times to use the bathroom, and I couldn't eat anything because I was nauseous. So I just drank water and coconut water, and I just did a lot of cat cow. I mean, I know there was probably a time towards the end where I was feeling like this is when women ask for pain medicine.
Speaker 1
So how did you feel about going into labor at around thirty six weeks? It was that something that triggered any sort of anxiety or or nervousness?
Speaker 2
You know, it didn't. I just I don't know. It didn't. I didn't have that fear. I mean, I knew that oh, you know what it was? It was I had known women that gave birth unassisted at thirty six weeks, like, and then I knew a woman at thirty seven weeks. And so I did have those women in my mind as reassurance, like, if they can do it, I can do it. So yeah, I wasn't Yeah,
Speaker 1
I almost feel like I would be like, sweet, a smaller baby.
Speaker 2
I know, well in the end, that was a blessing because my family has very large babies and that was a fear of mine. I thought, oh my God, and then I was so miserable. I'm like, oh my god, I got, like, another three weeks of this, and then if I go late, I'm gonna, you know, have this huge baby. And yeah, I feel like there was gonna be more risk at that point. Our really only legitimate fear, Austin and I, was that if I were to tear badly enough that I needed to go to a hospital, that would be really the only legitimate reason we would feel like we would have to go to a hospital. But,
Speaker 1
you would have to tear pretty bad. Yeah. I know. Which we just don't hear those stories almost ever with Autonomous
Speaker 2
birth. That.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think. I'm sure I've talked to somebody. I've talked to so many now. But, you know, I actually, I think it was this one girl who felt like she actually didn't need to go, but she went anyway. But yeah. Wait. What else? I was gonna ask you something about the thirty six weeks. Oh, also, you know, if you had been with a midwife, you would have transferred, you know, and you would have
Speaker 2
I know. And people told me that. And I was like, well, then there you go. Mhmm. That's why you have a free birth because babies can be born at any time that they want to be and it doesn't always have to be an emergency.
Speaker 1
Well, Anne, I I you know, I wish that it was more of a conversation in the midwifery world, you know, because I I personally have never met a midwife who gives this option. But what if you were under the care of a midwife, and then the plan was if you have to opt out, you know, if you're under thirty seven or over forty two or breach or, you know, promed at home for a long time or whatever, the many, many, many things that rule you out, What if the option was inclusive of doing it yourself? You know, it's just assumed it's just assumed that you'll transfer into obstetrical care if you, you know, can't have a midwife, you know, by your side? But what if it was, Okay, you know, our recommendation is to transfer into obstetrical care, but the other option is you could just call me and let me know how it goes.
Speaker 2
Yeah, I know, right? I mean, as long as everything else checks out, the woman is healthy, the baby's, you know, having fetal movement and all that that they check for, you know, yeah, it's less than an option. I mean,
Speaker 1
I would even go a step further and say, even if they don't check out, the woman has the choice. You know? True. Yeah. It doesn't really matter, you know? If if the woman wants to make that choice and evaluate those risks, you know, I come back to this all the time in these episodes that a woman always cares the most about the wellness of her baby. Always. Always.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1
You know, that's just that's nature. That's that's just how it works. And so
Speaker 2
Right.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I think And a
Speaker 2
part of my, you know, reasoning for not getting prenatal checkups and stuff is, like, so, yeah, what if I do go and and and they find, you know, little some things here and there that could be wrong with me or the baby, right? Like, a lot of times those are either wrong or
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
Is that helpful? Misguided or they or they things change, right? Like breech babies move into the correct position.
Speaker 1
Well, sent to Privia. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like a lot of
Speaker 2
those conditions would just have scared me for no reason. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
You know,
Speaker 2
I It happens all the time. Yeah. So I feel like, why live in fear of knowing all these things? Every time I go to a checkup, I'd be afraid. And that's just maybe the type of person I am, you know.
Speaker 1
We're just we're in a era of over information. And, you know, no one's really asking because we, you know, we are we are in the religion of information, you know. Like, it is all about that. And so no one's really asking, is this information even worthy? Is it even actually helping outcomes? You know? And, I mean, yeah, I I totally agree. I think about that a lot too.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And my pregnancy was, like, the most deeply spiritual, you know, time of my life. And to have it, you know, going through all of these processes, having to go to the doctor and stuff, would really interrupt that experience that I had on that level.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. I think when you're not you know, it doesn't it doesn't mean that you can't have a spiritual pregnancy with someone else managing your care. Of course of course of course, people can and and do. But I can only imagine having no one else tell you, okay, here's the test this week, and here's this, and here's that, and here's how you should be feeling, and here's how, you know, wide your cervix is. And, you know, having having that full autonomy and choosing, not because you don't have access, but actually choosing to do this yourself and look actually choosing to do this yourself and look inwards and turn to trust in a way that, you know, our our culture has pretty much put to bed. Like Yeah.
Speaker 2
And this all just work. Yeah. And this just all works for me. It worked for me and my partner. Like, I obviously don't think that, you know, all these, all women are gonna feel the exact same way. And a lot of women get so much relief and feelings of trust from their doctor and their midwife telling them that they're okay every month, you know, or whatever they right? You know? Absolutely. So for me, it just I would've it would've made me nervous, and it just I felt a lot better just not going.
Speaker 1
That's exactly it, is that there are plenty of women who the idea of free birth makes them nervous and they feel so much more relaxed in a hospital with an OR and a NICU and a doctor managing their care and continuous monitoring and they don't wanna feel anything, you know, for whatever reason. And and, like, that's that's wonderful that we have that system so readily available for pretty much everyone in this nation. You know? But but it goes both ways. You know? And and, you know, you pointed out a really interesting topic I think about a lot is you didn't want the midwife, but, you know, a a lot of people who are free birthing would
Speaker 2
have
Speaker 1
a midwife if they could afford it or if it was legal in their state. And Yes. Because they literally don't have access to it and the hospital is not an option for them, meaning that's not a place where they feel safe, you know, then they're they're kind of forced to make this choice to free birth, you know, and that's Yeah.
Speaker 2
That that happened to a cup a close friend of mine. She, they had to choose a, free birth because they couldn't afford a midwife, but that turned out to be a really amazing experience. And so we're often just guided to make these choices one way or another, right? So, yeah, for me, even if I could have afforded a midwife, I would want one because Same
Speaker 1
with me.
Speaker 2
I've always wanted to have a free birth. That's something I've wanted for many years, and
Speaker 1
I guess I would be open to it if, like, I met some unregulated midwife who I just felt so much, you know, connection with. Like, if that just fell into my lap, you know, I'm completely open to that. I don't I don't have to have a free birth, but I just don't have that person in my life, you know. So like you said, you know, you're just guided towards what you should do. And if someone just, like, appeared, that was theme but then, you know, kinda what you already spoke to. Like, really, the reason I would have somebody there is honestly very fear based, you know, because it really would be the tearing thing. That that doesn't trip me out anymore, but it used to of, well, what do I do? How am I gonna get, like, sewn up if I need that? You know? But pretty much because I've talked to, like, thousands of free birthers now online and and on these podcasts and everything, it just tearing is extremely rare with free birth.
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, on that note about the midwife just showing up, you know, I was at one point early on my pregnancy looking for a doula. So I thought, I don't know what my thinking was because I knew I wanted a free birth and I knew I wanted to be alone, but something in me was like, well, let's just look for a doula. And I had contacted a couple doulas, but as soon as I said I wasn't having a midwife present, they wouldn't work with me. So eventually, I just took that as a sign that I should trust my feelings of just doing this alone. And that's what worked for me. But, you know, like you said, if I had a wonderful goddess doula that just said, yes, I would love to hold your hand and massage you and do whatever you need me to do, then I would have said, okay, great. Then I'm having this rebirth with this doula friend here. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1
yeah. I mean, and a certified doula is not technically allowed to attend an unassisted birth, you know? So that's actually Yeah.
Speaker 2
I learned that.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So that's where I started to kinda one of many, many, many reasons I became pretty disenchanted with the, scope of a doula, which is incredibly limiting, and not something I ever really agreed to, quite frankly. But one of the things was, you know, that that unassisted birth is bad, and you'd be liable if you were there, and don't you dare put yourself on the line to be there.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And, you know, that's that's I mean, it's fine for whatever anyone's comfortable with, but Yeah. I just I can't get down with that. Like, this is about women being with women.
Speaker 2
Yeah, and one of my doula friends was really helpful, like, was, you know, giving me advice along the way, you know, she wasn't working with me at all and she wasn't going to be there, but she was a friend, and so I ended up calling her. I had called her when my when my water broke, which I didn't mention was, the day before I went into labor. So when my water broke two days early or before she was born, I did talk to my doula friend and say what does this mean do you think? Like and she was like you're probably gonna go into labor the next forty eight hours. I was like, no. It's too early. Like and she was right. And then I called her after Lotus was born because the placenta took a while to come out. And so she was just able to give me advice, you know, and that was really helpful, and I was super grateful for that.
Speaker 1
So so your water broke the day before your contractions started?
Speaker 2
Yes.
Speaker 1
And did then how long did it take for the waves to kick in?
Speaker 2
Almost exactly twenty four hours later. So my water broke in the middle of the night, and
Speaker 1
And was it clear fluids?
Speaker 2
Yes. And the flu and the and then I was, leaking a little bit throughout the day. So that's how I knew for sure that my water had broke. And then twenty four hours later my contractions started, and she was born eleven hours later.
Speaker 1
Oh, nice. That is not bad. Yeah. Yeah. No. Okay. So take take me back to the birth. So now Okay. So we know your waters are open, but clear fluids. You're laboring through the night in primarily cat cow and your cool little outdoor yoga studio.
Speaker 2
-Mm
Speaker 1
-And the sun's comin' up. What's happening around that time?
Speaker 2
Yeah, so it's just me and Austin, and, I had a little bit of a birth altar set up with some, art and some images, and, so I was able to do a lot of visualization. There was a lot of just waiting around, though, you know? I mean A lot of birds a
Speaker 1
lot of birds is boring.
Speaker 2
Yeah, I don't really know what else to say until, well, you know, then at one point the, pushing contraction started, and so that's when I was like, Oh, like, I forgot that this was gonna happen. And, like, all my research, I was just waiting and waiting, and then, so then pushing contraction started, like, Oh, man, I'm gonna have a lot more of this to happen. And then, I kept, you know, feeling for her and feeling for her head. And then when I finally felt, like, my vagina bulging, I was like, Oh, my God, it happened. Nice. Like, that's when the panic had kicked in. And, Austin at that point got into the pool with me and was sitting in front of me, so I was facing him. And I was just, I had to lock eyes with him because I really didn't know what to do otherwise. Like, there was, I don't think that was the first time in my whole, this whole experience that I had legitimate fear, like, just that intense, like, this is real, like a baby's coming out of my body right now. Literally right now. Literally right now.
Speaker 1
And so, you guys were facing each other and were your legs just open towards him? Yeah. I'm I'm trying to picture it. Yeah. Is it I'm picturing it like how cone heads have sex. Do you remember that
Speaker 2
in the movie? Oh, that's right. They face each other. They have, like, their legs open? That's right. Yeah. It was exactly that way. So he got, like, front row seat to the show, and, I don't remember You know, it's so funny because I watch birth videos all the time now still, and you see how much time it takes for the head to emerge and then later the rest of the body. And for me, it just seemed like it was so fast. Like, I literally just was I didn't look down at any point and was able to, like, feel her top of her head. Like, I just it just feels like it went so fast. I looked down and half her body was out, and I saw her eyes open under the water. And then I think Austin and I both went down and to reach for her, and then we pulled her out. She did have a cord around her neck, so we just took it off and put her on my chest. And then she was fine. I think she did a little bit of a cry, but she was mostly really quiet and her eyes opened. And Austin jumped out and started recording me, so I have a sweet little video of it. Him and I looked at each other and said, Oh my God. Yeah. This is real. Like, it was the most intense experience. And when I think about it, I wish I could just, like, time travel and do it all over again.
Speaker 1
And did you have any intuition in the pregnancy that it was a girl?
Speaker 2
No. You know, I thought it was a boy. I really did. I was, like, dead set on it being a boy. The only person I knew that that thought it was gonna be a girl was my dad, and he was totally right.
Speaker 1
Aw. I guess everyone has a fifty fifty chance. So
Speaker 2
Yeah. So no. It was a great surprise. She came out, and and we it took us a few minutes to be like, oh, wait. Let's look at this the gender. Right. It was a girl. Didn't even matter. Believe it. Yeah. No. It didn't even matter. I totally didn't even think about it until, like, five minutes later.
Speaker 1
Oh, my gosh. I've been to I've been to births where they didn't know where they didn't check for, like, over an hour. And I'll and I care more than them, and I'm, like, biting my tongue. Yeah. Not you know, of course, to give them the space, but I wanna be
Speaker 2
like, what is it? Yeah. It's the best surprise. Like, I love it. It was such a good surprise. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe sometimes that I have a daughter. Like, it's so amazing.
Speaker 1
So she so he gets out of the pool. She's born hanging out on your chest. And then what what goes down with the placenta?
Speaker 2
So we were planning the lotus birth, where you keep the the placenta and cord attached until it falls off naturally. So I had done research about that, and that was originally birth, so that, so I'd already known that was my plan as well. I didn't wanna, I knew I was gonna have a home birth, so I didn't wanna have to deal with cutting the cord or anything like that, and so, we were planning on, I had bought, Robin Lim's book about the placenta and and Lotus birth, and it's, you know, common practice in, Indonesia. So I was just referencing her book a lot, and we hadn't, since Lotus was born early, we hadn't prepared, so we didn't have all of the like dried herbs and Himalayan sea salt for the placenta. And so, so we just sat in the water after she was born. I was like expecting the placenta to just like come out on its own, but I eventually had to actually get up and push with a contraction to get the placenta out. And she had kind of a short cord, so I had to keep the placenta in a bowl pretty close to us and then, we went inside and we went up into our sleeping loft and once me and the baby and the placenta were, you know, cozy in bed, Austin left to go get the herbs and the spices for the placenta, and then he brought home a pizza. And we ate pizza in bed and That sounds nice.
Speaker 1
Looked at our new baby. And so how long did the placenta take?
Speaker 2
It took four days for it to fall off.
Speaker 1
Oh, I'm sorry. I meant for it to come out of you.
Speaker 2
Oh, it took two hours, I believe.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
Time was hard to keep track of, but that's what Austin said. So, like Yeah.
Speaker 1
Talk to me about the lotus birth in a little bit more depth because I haven't talked to anybody yet on here on an episode who's done that all the way through. So I'd love for any listeners who, you know, this is new to them, just go ahead and and walk them through it.
Speaker 2
Yeah, so, I mean, the benefit of a lotus birth is the same as just, delayed cord clamping. You're getting all of the blood and nutrients to the baby. But what resonated with me about not cutting it at all was just what, the same thing that's resonated me the whole idea of free birth is that it's just the most gentle, you know, relaxed way of dealing with the placenta. And so, I didn't have anywhere to be or anything to do, so I was able to just lay in bed with her and have of the placenta, and, I just kept it in a bowl and I would season it with the, dried herbs like lavender and rosemary and sage and, some flower petals, and I would just dress it every day with that, so it would start to dry out, but her cord, dried out and got stiff within a couple days, so for, a few days, her and I, it was hard to kinda maneuver her, so like, you know, since her cord was short, it was hard to maneuver her sometimes. That's what
Speaker 1
I was gonna ask because I think that's the most common reason that I hear parents not wanna do it is like Yeah. That it can seem a little weird to be toting around a newborn. And how is it wrapped up? Is it in a towel or
Speaker 2
Yeah, it's like in a towel in a bowl, and so it's just sitting next to me while I'm nursing her. And so this is the first four days, so I didn't, like, I didn't feel like I had to, you know, day one, leave the house
Speaker 1
or do anything. You're not like taking the baby and the placenta to the post office.
Speaker 2
No, no, no. So and so that's why I was like, well, this is no big deal. Right. Like, I'm
Speaker 1
just
Speaker 2
in bed with my new baby and we're both adjusting and taking it easy and I'm healing and so,
Speaker 1
And you have to kind of season it so that it doesn't smell and get gross.
Speaker 2
Yeah, exactly. So it basically just kind of helps it dry out and, and yeah, I mean, it was pretty much a simple process and I just felt like it was easy and it was gentle and, you know, it just kept her and I together and nobody else held her and we didn't have to, you know, go we had this this sacred space in our loft and Austin was feeding us and
Speaker 1
Wait, so your bed was up in a loft?
Speaker 2
Yeah, we were living in a tiny house. It was like Where was the bathroom?
Speaker 1
Did you have to go down the stairs?
Speaker 2
I did have to go downstairs. So obviously I would I know. Eventually, eventually that's why we had to lube with the baby in the loft. Totally. But, you know, yeah, Austin would let me shower. He would stay upstairs with the baby and let me shower those first few days and, use the bathroom and, and then, yeah, eventually her cord just fell off and the same thing happened.
Speaker 1
How did that feel when that happened?
Speaker 2
Oh, it was intense. Like, it was I didn't realize I would be emotional, but I was like, oh, my God. And then we went down and downstairs and went outside and it was, like, everything was new and at first. I was, like, getting used to just, like, living in bed. Totally. Did
Speaker 1
you ever, did you ever consider eating any part of it?
Speaker 2
No, that didn't resonate with me either. I mean, it totally makes sense, and I think that's an awesome option, but, I didn't feel like I needed it or wanted it, really. I mean, I didn't have any, any, postpartum depression of any kind. I didn't have excessive bleeding or anything, so I knew that the emergency situation, if I had a hemorrhage or anything, would be to
Speaker 1
get the placenta. Just take a bloody old bite.
Speaker 2
Yeah, so I want that knowledge, and other than that, yeah, it didn't resonate with me. I didn't feel necessary to eat the placenta or have it encapsulated or anything like that.
Speaker 1
And so then what did you do with the placenta after it fell off?
Speaker 2
We kept it in the fridge for a while, and then, eventually we buried it with a, we went and bought a little olive tree, because the olive represents good luck and peace, and so we buried it on the farm. And even though we don't live on the farm anymore, it's my father-in-law, so I'll always be able to go and visit. Yeah, that's cool. Her olive tree will be there. And her olive tree is planted near where she was born. So even if that building gets moved, I'll always remember this is the spot you were born. Totally. I felt that was really a spiritual experience for her and for I because she'll always know that that's where she was born and where her placenta was buried and hopefully that means something to her when she's older.
Speaker 1
Yeah, wouldn't that be cool if we could all return to some tree that held our our grandmother as as the ancestors refer to? Yeah. It's so cool. So what was it like for you in the following days or weeks? Were you able to stay pretty, you know, cozy at home and keep it pretty chill? How how was your vagina? How did your breastfeeding go?
Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, I feel that really quickly. Like, I don't believe that I tore it all, but if I did, it was minor. And so I just I had a lot of soreness for the first few days, and then I had a lot of post- I had a lot of postpartum bleeding I think for like maybe three weeks, just like normal period type bleeding. And then, after that, you know, I just, I felt normal again, and, like, I was in Florida so I didn't have any family there other than my father-in-law, so I was able to spend a lot of time alone, and I do think that was valuable. Like, as much as I wanted my mom to see my new baby and, you know, share her with the family, like, I did really like value those first few weeks postpartum, because my mom did come three weeks after she was born. And and then Austin's mom came, and my dad, and then and then we waited until she was five months old to fly back here to California. So yeah, I was able to just heal up and take it easy and just go back to my everyday life but with a baby.
Speaker 1
And breastfeeding felt pretty simple?
Speaker 2
It was yeah you know she latched on right after she was born so when she got to my chest I was like I think Austin said something. He was like, he was like, put her on your breast or something or and she just latched on right away. And, my milk came in kind of late. I don't remember how long it took, but I remember conversating with my mom, like, how long does it take until the milk comes in? And eventually it did, and, she didn't have any problems latching. I had a good flow. I was super blessed. I mean, I was breastfed. A lot of my family members were breastfed, like that's just a really, normal thing in my family and everybody's, like my mom and my aunt had a really easy time breastfeeding all their children, so that just always, I always knew that I would be able to breastfeed, doubts about that. But I do know I have a close friend that has had trouble with her children, and their latches and producing milk and all that. So I was just blessed with that ability, I feel. It just came easy for me. Yeah.
Speaker 1
What about, if you don't mind touching on it, it just popped into my head, what about sex after birth? How did that all go for you?
Speaker 2
That took a while. I mean, even though I healed up pretty well, I don't remember exactly when we when we did it again the first time postpartum, but, my partner was really respectful of me and just waiting until I felt ready and, but I didn't have much libido for for a long, long time, you know? So, it was just the baby was such a priority for us and, so yeah, it wasn't a big deal. I mean, when we first when we did it for again for the first time postpartum, like, I had a feeling like, oh, like this feels kind of like I get used to, like I must have not had too much damage down there.
Speaker 1
I was kind of happy about it. It's not meant to ruin you.
Speaker 2
I know, exactly. I was like, I I was expecting it to feel really different, though. Like, physically, like, I don't know what I was expecting, but So when it was felt kind of normal, it's like, oh, good. Like, everything's the way it should be then. Totally. Awesome.
Speaker 1
Beautiful. And you think this is your most likely one and only?
Speaker 2
That's how we feel, you know, I mean, it's hard to say that indefinitely, but I, what I'm gonna wait for is that spirit baby again, because I have the communication with Lotus's spirit before she was conceived, and, I felt that really strongly, so I'd have to feel that again.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
To decide to have another one. Because I definitely feel like it's not just my decision. I felt like it was, when dealing with other karmas, you know, when we become parents. So having, I was destined to be in Lotus's karma, and so if I'm destined to be karmically tied with some other spirit, then that's how another child will happen.
Speaker 1
Totally, I feel the same way. I've always felt a little uncomfortable with the question, like, do you want kids? I'm like, well, it's not really that I want them. It's that they are coming. Yeah. It's just it like, I already they've already told me. They've already introduced themselves. So do I want three kids? I mean, I guess. Because that's who has, that they're coming, you know. And it's been one or it had been five or, like, maybe one will drop off or maybe one will one more will come. I don't know. But, yeah, I feel the exact same way. It's such a Yeah.
Speaker 2
Well, I really recommend my favorite book of all time that I read before I got pregnant was, Spirit Babies by Walter McCacken. So cool. And it is still my favorite book to read because it's just so fascinating to hear stories about couples who go to this author who is a medium and he's able to see the spirit baby and communicate with the spirit babies and answering the questions
Speaker 1
to these parents that are either trying
Speaker 2
to conceive and can't or And, like, the adopted stories. Yeah. Yeah. Just how yeah. How spirit babies are destined to be with the parents that they're destined to be with.
Speaker 1
Some of it was a little out there for me, but a lot of it. I was like, yeah. That totally makes sense. But that's Yeah. I have always wanted to do a session with him. I don't think he's alive anymore though.
Speaker 2
Oh, really? Dang. Because that would be awesome. Well, he
Speaker 1
did live in, like, Berkeley. I feel like I looked him up. I don't know. I could be wrong. Yeah. It's so cool. Yeah. I was Yeah. It's just
Speaker 2
Yeah. I love that one.
Speaker 1
You know, it's really creative, and it really opens up possibilities around, you know, being conscious and being open to your children, and you know, not thinking about it so linearly or in this very, like, oops. I'm pregnant. I guess I'm gonna have a baby now. You know? But actually Yeah. Being like and even if it is like that, that's okay. You know? And you can still even if you're like, oh, whoops, I'm pregnant, you can still connect to that spirit, of course, you know? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Things are happening way beyond our comprehension at all times.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And so many women that get pregnant without trying, or get pregnant when they're young, or whatever, they always say after they become mothers that they saved my life, or, you know, this was the best thing that could ever happen to me, even if they're single moms. And so on some level that's where the communication with the spirit baby is happening. It's the spirit baby saying, I'm gonna come to you and offer you this healing or this medicine that you need by being a mother.
Speaker 1
Mhmm. Or, of course, lots of women say, no thank you, and choose to terminate the pregnancy, and that's totally great too.
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah. That's totally part of the the options as well. Well, one of the
Speaker 1
cool parts about the spirit babies book that that is in kind of birth mythology is that if a woman loses a baby, a pregnancy, terminates pregnancy, whatever, then that spirit baby gets to hop back in front of the line, for that woman or if that woman goes on to not choose to have another pregnancy and birth, that the baby will hop to somebody else close to her in her family or in her community so that it can stay rolling around with that with that woman. I just thought that was such a cool idea.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I I thought that whole book was just fascinating. I love it.
Speaker 1
Me too. Well, any anything else you wanna speak on about your your choices or your pregnancy or your birth or postpartum?
Speaker 2
Let's see. I have notes here.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Take your time.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I think I pretty much went over it all. I did a lot of research, you know, when I was pregnant. I I read so many books. I was at the library constantly. Like, I just couldn't get enough knowledge about birth and pregnancy. And my family would ask me, like, do you want to be a birth worker? Like, are you just interested in birth? Do you want to be a doula or a midwife? I'm like, not really. I was just, you know, interested in it for my own sake and my own empowerment to birth my baby my own way, and so I really did want to know how it all worked. So I, you know, watched a lot of birth videos, and, and so I had a lot of the positive mental images that helped me, to envision the birth that I wanted, and I believe I had that birth that I envisioned. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
Sounds like it. And I mean, even if you're not some official doula or midwife or whatever, like you are the keeper of birth, you know, you are as a woman who has had a spiritual experience in birth and who has educated her self, you therefore will educate and support, you know, and share that wisdom with other women. And, like, that's really what this is about. You know, you don't need to, like, exchange money for it. Like, you, I'm sure, have helped support and and, you know, wake up plenty of women around you because of your own choices and education.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Somebody had inspired me to have a free birth, and if I inspire somebody else to have a free birth, and just I think that it's so important what you're doing and that people are talking about it. Because when I decided to have a free birth, there was only, I think, two women that I knew of that had had free births. And one of them I was able to talk to in person. And, but since then, I've known so many other people that made this decision and pregnant women today that are making that decision. And just to have it as an option, there's no right right way to have a baby, but just to have more and more options is what's gonna heal the planet.
Speaker 1
Yep, and less trauma in birth.
Speaker 2
Yes exactly.
Speaker 1
Beautiful. Well you're such a cool example of you know somebody that follows their intuition and has an easy time getting pregnant and doesn't sound like your pregnancy was super awesome but you did have a relatively simple straightforward birth, and your body took care of you. And, you know, it's just so it's so beautiful. You had a easy postpartum, and, you know, this really can be this can be, and, you know, and is, with the free birthing world, a pretty common story. So it's something that I'm always excited to get out
Speaker 2
there. Yes. Yes. Thank you for the opportunity to share. Thank you.
Speaker 1
Absolutely. Alright, girlfriend. Take care.
Speaker 2
Yeah. You too. Talk to you soon.
Speaker 1
That's it for today, everyone. Everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
