Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
Today on the show, we have Sarah from Georgia who shares the story of birthing her first child. She tells the journey that led her to choose free birth and the shock of having an unexpectedly quick labor.
Speaker 2
Four years before I was pregnant with my daughter, her name's Maya, I had a dream that I would give birth to a child in a large, Victorian house in a bright open bathroom with, like, beautiful tile floors and in a ceramic bathtub alone. And I picked this baby up and held this baby in my hands, and we made eye contact, and we both fell in love with each other, and everything was perfect. Like, the cord was attached, this baby was breathing. And in my dream, the baby came as a boy, and my daughter, you know, girl. But it just there's something really powerful about that dream. So when she came into my world, into my pregnancy, I I just knew that there it would be different than the way that most people go about a pregnancy and a birth. And, you know, it took so many different, it took a lot of different stages for me. Because in the beginning, it was like, well, I'm gonna, you know, focus on me for a little while. First trimester, gonna be me. I don't need an ultrasound. I feel I feel like I'm just gonna get through this this time. You know? I got through the the nausea and all the different discomforts of growing a baby and creating, you know, creating a space for them inside of me and in myself spiritually and emotionally. So I didn't bring anyone into my world at that point. And, I decided, kind of, I knew the hospital realm wasn't gonna be for me at all because I've had really terrible experiences using the allopathic system in the past where I felt, like, used or unserved. You know, I'd go in and I'd think, like, well, this is the way. And then I'd leave feeling kind of taken advantage of. So I knew that in birth and in this period of time, I wasn't gonna use that system to get my care because I didn't think I don't think of it as care, and I didn't think of it as care at that time. So I, I was living in Asheville at that time, and I went to a place, called New Dawn Midwifery. And they're like a free, they're a birth, I don't know. They were a midwifery collective. They don't exist anymore, and they're not a birth center. So they would support you if you were to give birth in a hospital or you could buy their their home birth package, which I thought I would do. I do their home birth package, and I started getting care there. And even the very first, the very first time that I went there, I remember just the number of tests of you should should, you know, you should get this test. And at this point, you're going to want this. And at this point, you're going to do the glucoa. You know? And at this point, you're going to get this test. And maybe you want an ultrasound and maybe not. And so I they didn't pressure me as much, but they they didn't support my choices around food. You know? I was drinking a lot of raw milk and eating a lot of raw foods like cheese, and they weren't really into that. And there were just so many tests, you know. Like, it's just sort of a constant, like, I felt like I became a test, like a number. Mhmm. Because that was part of the system that they had. And,
Speaker 1
And their hospital midwives, they're both. So they're totally in that model. Right. They have
Speaker 2
to, like, play, you know, play along in order to keep their their business going. Mhmm. They have a business and they have to play both sides, but they kinda have to play the system side, the allopathic side even more because they're ultimately who's gonna keep them in business, not someone like me who wants my own choices.
Speaker 1
Or make their business really hard for them.
Speaker 2
Right. Yeah. Exactly. So I just started to talk to people and, like, listen to birth stories. So things like this, like, podcast. You know, I listen to Maren's, the Indie Birth podcast a lot. And I started talking to women and, like, reaching out on Facebook, like, hey. Who's had an undisturbed birth? What does that look like for you? What was it like? And one of my good friends, who lives here in Nashville now, she told me the story of her son's birth and how she came to having a free birth because she felt that there wasn't anyone else in the community who could support her as an autonomous being. And her experience is really beautiful. You know, she gave birth in this cabin with her partner and best friend. And, and so when she brought it up for me, it popped into my head as a possibility. And then I started to see the way that women birth without, without interference as more and more freeing. Like, it would bring me to a place where I'm a total, you know, a completely free sovereign individual. And the majority of my life in the allopathic system, I feel like those things have been stolen when I walk into the system. So the more I saw that, the more I realized I'm not gonna walk into anyone's system in this, like, sacred, you know, connection with my child. Why would I walk into a system like that?
Speaker 1
Like, of all the times not to do it, it's in the most sacred precious vulnerable time. Yeah. And it's the difference of, you know, using the allopathic system when you're in trauma, you know, like when your arm's broken or your skin is burned or something that they're really good at, but obviously, this is not that.
Speaker 2
Right. Like, birth isn't an emergency most of the time. So why would I go into a hospital where people have ridiculous disgusting infections and diseases and expose myself to that in a non emergent situation. Like that, I immediately found out I was pregnant. I made an altar and just set up a really special sacred space in my in my room, with lots of special things around and pictures of my family, my grandparents, things like that. And those, like, those pieces, you can't you can't take that into the system with you. You can't take your candles. You can't take your your smudge sticks. You can't take those kinds of items and create that. Like, I I knew that my room and my space is is also sacred because it brings me so much, like, relief and so much peace in why would I wanna leave that space. Even to go to a birth center. And and then I started to recognize that it wasn't just about leaving your space and birthing. It was who you invite into that space that made a difference as well. And that's a really big deal. I didn't realize that. I thought, well, if you stay home and you, you know, you've got your own your own, like, space, you can be autonomous. But then I started to see birth videos where midwives would go to someone's home, and it's like they would take over. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And
Speaker 2
they would turn the home into a freaking hospital. And I'm like, I don't want it to look like that. So I had so much gratitude for all the women who made birth videos, in the, you know, in a birth center or at their homes, undisturbed birth, unassisted births, births with lots of medical assistance because watching those helped me to make my own choices of I want this, I don't want this. This is how I want it to look. And it helped me to craft it and craft a picture in my mind of what it was going to be. And so we had decided my family is in Georgia, and we made a choice to move to Savannah. And to, you know in in that choice, I would I was, like, five months pregnant or something, and I had been going to New Dawn and just kinda going along with their with their tests. And everything's great. I have you know, I'm eating really healthy at that time and just going with my body, taking some nutritive herbs like nettle, infusions and things like that, and, red raspberry infusions. And those things felt really good to me. So I felt like, I was okay leaving my care and walking away from it and our move to Savannah. So we decided to move, and I went to this place and said, and I I knew at the time because I had been researching and, like, I've been listening to lots of podcasts, reading lots of stories. I joined all the birth groups and, like, read all the stories about when you wanna get out of the system. You have to be you know, you have to think about it. You can't just be like I mean, I guess you could. You could go into it and be like, oh, I'm gonna have a free birth. I'm doing it however the hell I want to. And I'm you know, that kind of way. And I decided that instead of doing that, I was just going to, play it the game a little bit so that I didn't raise any alarms or have any red flags or anything. So I told them that I was transferring care to another midwife in where I was moving. And I had them give me on my record so that I could transfer care. And that was that. I didn't you know? Even though I knew that I wasn't going to do that, I felt like, I wasn't an individual at that space, and I hadn't met someone that really resonated in my heart as another person aside from my partner who would I would want to be in the space with me. And had I felt that, I think, at the time, like, had I had a friend, or this special, you know, awesome woman who could hold space for me with that and my trust in knowing, she's not gonna touch me. They're not going to affect my process at all. Not gonna take me out of my theta brainwaves when I'm in the middle of it because they understand and disturb birth. I didn't I didn't need anyone like that. And so I thought, well, okay. I don't know that person. I'm the only person who can do that. I'm the only person who I can really, I can generate that kind of, like, ability to just go into another, you know, world, into another realm if I'm
Speaker 1
by myself. So you were pretty clear on free birthing in your move, like, when you got to Georgia?
Speaker 2
Yes. Yeah. It was clear. I had, you know, I had gotten my prenatal records, and I had, like, a blood pressure machine, you know, blood pressure cuff and was taking my readings and, like, checking my blood sugar. And, you know, I did a lot of that myself. I bought a fetoscope, and that was really special for me because I was able to listen and connect with my baby. So I did it. I listened to her. I thought it was a boy. It was all of my dreams. This child came to me as a boy. But we listened I listened to this baby every night before bed and talked to them and, like, read books and sing songs and had a lot of strong connection to this baby in my dreams. And so the fetoscope was so beautiful to me. I know some people don't like to use it regularly because, I don't know, for different reasons. Like, if you don't find the heartbeat, you might get scared, or it might be a reason for you to have fear. But for me, it was a way to connect, and I loved it. Like, I just loved, like, listening to that that baby move. And it helped me to get to know the baby so well. I knew exactly what position the baby was in. I knew where the baby's butt was, where the baby's feet were, where the baby's head was. I was just palpating myself and, like, feeling the baby, and it was, like, it was so surreal to be that connected to another being inside of you. And when I started to learn to feel my baby, I was realizing, like, why would anyone go to another person, another doctor, and give away their power and say, I don't know anything about what's going on inside of me. Here, you tell me what's going on inside. And, like, I know everything about what's going on inside of me better than anyone else. And that that pregnancy, showed me that, like, beyond any I have no more doubt that I know you know, don't know about It's beautiful. Of course, I do. So that was really special for me, and I, yeah, I loved it. Like, I would look forward to the nights because I didn't you know, there would be days when I'd listen and I would just be talking. I'd be talking to the baby, and I love, love, love the, the fetoscope so much. And so and I felt really comfortable with my health, like, with the amount of protein I was eating and the different the healthy fats and all the different things that I was taking. So we moved to Savannah. I did kind of look a little bit at a midwife because I got a little scared. Like, do I really know what I'm doing? Am I really is this really the way? Like, what if? What if? What if? All those little fears. Mhmm. And so I'd wake up every morning and have a little fear, like, in my mind, and then I'd have to spend the day dispelling it. Like, what if the baby gets stuck? I'm like, okay. Well, let's look at some statistics today, or let's look at what to do to manage it or something. Like, well, what if I go to the hospital and the people who are in the hospital or a midwife who I invite to my home causes the baby to get stuck because they're rushing me? You know, what if that happens? And statistically and just that happens so much more often than someone at home, undisturbed, needing support in that way. It's usually the provider that causes the issues that then they end up fixing, like, the hero, you know, method, like, the hero way instead of the wise woman way. And I really resonate with the wise woman way. So we moved to Savannah and, yeah, I had stopped my prenatal care at, like, six months, something like that. And so it was just it was just us. You know, it was, like, living your life. There was no, I've gotta stop my life and go to this appointment and have someone tell me about my body. None of that was happening. So it just felt really comforting that none of it was happening. And then I was able to really be in my body and be in my pregnancy. And it it was really special because it wasn't a it was a hard transition for me into motherhood. I didn't think that I would wanna do it. And so I'm incredibly grateful that I was to do it in a freeing way, because I'd given away that power. I think motherhood now would be such a different experience.
Speaker 1
Seriously. That's such a good point. So take me to the end of your pregnancy, you know, start of your birth story.
Speaker 2
So I was about and these are obviously estimations because no one really ever knows anything about their timing. You know, we could we could be off by weeks. But I was under the impression that I was, like, thirty eight and a half weeks or something. And we had we had rented we got a house in Savannah, and we turned it into an Airbnb. And that was, like, the first night a guest, you know, for this German couple, was gonna be staying with us. So that day I mean, I had a hard time in my pregnancy because I have a back injury from an accident as a teenager, and it was just hard for me. I stayed up a lot of nights, and I would knit and make stuff, and then not go to sleep till four in the morning, and then I'd sleep till ten because I just couldn't sleep. I had the crazy insomnia, and I was just constantly taking Skullcap and, you know, massaging myself and getting my partner to massage me daily just so that I could feel comfortable enough to sleep. So I wasn't really just loving it at that point. I know some people are like, oh, I love that time, but I was I was kinda over it about thirty six weeks. So there were moments when, you know, after we'd have sex sometimes and afterwards, I'd have some really intense cramping. And I would go and check myself, and I was able to feel my child's head, like, my daughter's head. It feels amazing to have that connection. Woah. I can just check myself. I can put my fingers inside of my body and feel what's going on with my body. Like, wow. That's my power. I have it. I owned it. And it just felt so comforting to know, you know, there's there's my baby right there. Just like an inch inside of me. Like, very, very, you know, close to coming into this new world. So we just gave it some time. I had some Thai food with my mom, cleaned the bathroom, got the whole place ready for the Airbnb guests because we stayed upstairs and they were downstairs. And that night, I stayed outside with them on the porch and drank, like, a glass and a half of wine because, you know, that happens sometimes for people and it's okay Of course. To do that, obviously. And we talked about birth and I I told them I was having the baby at home and it probably would be, you know, a couple more weeks or whatnot. And they they were just really amazed about it, you know, because in their I mean, they had both had hospital birth. The the man had with his kids from another marriage and this other woman. And So they were they were pretty excited to hear my story. So I went to bed, not feeling very well. Like, my back was uncomfortable. I didn't have contractions. I felt, a lot of back pain, and I went to bed, you know, I was laying with my partner, and we had a nice moment. You know, we had some stress up to that point. We had kind of a stressful pregnancy, like, where are we gonna live? And how is life gonna be? How will we be parents together through our own childhoods and our own traumas and those things? So we had a lot of emotional stuff going on because, you know, pregnancy brings up a lot. You peel back so many layers during pregnancy, and then becoming a mother forces you to do the work. And then, so we were really in it, doing all that work. So I went to bed and at maybe midnight, and I woke up at like four. Oh, and I guess I I left out that my, you know, the mucus thing, the mucus plug, all the stuff that started to come out, you know, the night before. And I didn't really think anything of it because I know that can happen days or weeks beforehand. So I just noticed that and I thought, that's cool. That's exciting. Like, things are changing. My body's changing. That's like, wow, humans are amazing. And then I went to bed in awe of that and woke up around four forty five and had had a dream that I was waiting on a train to come. And I have a lot of dreams and connections with my daughter and with this birth especially. And I woke up and had, felt like a train was moving through my body and I knew I was in labor. Like, I knew the baby was coming. Because something something told me in my dream, the baby is coming. You need to get up and leave the train station and go home and have the baby at home. Then I woke up and I was like, oh my god. There is something happening. Oh my god. And it was an immediate, like, the contractions of there were they didn't bill. They just woke up and it was the first one was so hard. Bed. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom,
Speaker 1
and then
Speaker 2
coming out, was like peeing and pooping and more mucus and all that. Just like things were coming out. And then I went back to bed and I tried to, like, lay through them and just relax through them. But it was, like, one. It would last about forty five seconds to a minute, a little more than a minute. And they happen, like, every minute and a half, if that. Like, immediately from the time that I woke up. And, and I got up, and I was like, I can't I can't lay through this. Like, I gotta move. I've gotta use stuff. Like, oh my god. Is this what are you know, I was really kind of in shock by the whole thing because I couldn't there was no comfort. There was no I would close my eyes and hold my partner's hand and just like like is this early labor. Like what. This is really intense. And it felt like I think because my back, I felt most of it in my back. So it was kind of like a low contractions in all back. So I felt a lot of pain in my back. Like, maybe what people in back labor would feel, but I have nothing to compare it to. So I I don't know. But it didn't feel like a typical contraction the way that I had learned about what a contraction was that started at the top and moved down. It just felt like I was being squeezed by a giant pair of pliers all around, and it wasn't it it was very painful. And then that happened, like, three times in less than ten minutes. I went very fast, like, one after another after another. And, like, I got up and sat up in bed, and I felt this sharp, like, pain in my cervix and this, like, huge gush of water. Like, I felt the pressure of her. It almost felt like she had her finger, and she was sort of thinking, like, okay, mom. It's fine. We're going now. I'm probably It's on. Yeah. And then just, like, poked it really hard because it was really forceful. And I I got out of bed and got on the floor so that it could go all the water went on the floor. And I was like, well, then that was intense. And it just fed up from then. That was about five in the morning when that happened. I went and got in the shower, like, went on the ball, kept having these contractions, and one after another after another, maybe a minute break in between, not long at all. And I tried to check myself, and then it made me have another contractions. I was like, nope. Not doing that again. I had ordered a birth pool online and it wasn't there yet. So, I wasn't really sure what I was gonna do. I just was in the shower on the hot water, like, leaning over a yoga ball. Like, okay. I'm gonna try all the tricks. You know, you hold your breath or you blow out when you have a contraction or you push out with your belly with your muscles or, you know, meditation. I tried meditating. I tried doing Vipassana, meditation where I would focus on my body sensations or, you know, count or something. I tried all these things and I'm like, wow, none of this is working. Like, this is really hard. Because, you know, this is normal. And and my partner was there just kinda watching me. He didn't really say much. We went back to the bed. This is after maybe an hour of this. And I started to cry because I I really thought in my mind that I what I the story I told myself was, this this is early labor, and I'm the weakest woman that ever lived. So I told myself this, like, sad, sad story of, wow, do women really do this for twenty four hours? Like, oh, like, it was I was crying out, in every contraction. And I started crying and, like, letting some of them, letting some of it go. And my partner tried to you know, I was in the bed on my hands and knees, and he put his hands on me and he was like, just breathe through them. And, you know, they're waves, you know. He was like, just breathe through the waves, sweetie. It's everything just it's just another wave. Just I'm like, these aren't fucking waves. Like, this is not a wave. Like, stop talking. I was like, stop fucking talking.
Speaker 1
No women men in the birthing space, they could be so awkward.
Speaker 2
But then he stopped. He was like, oh, good. Okay. Yeah. Like, no more talking.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And he I didn't even want him to touch me. Like, no no massage. No I all my clothes were off. I was completely naked. I was just like, ugh. Don't want any touching. Not even a hand touching. So I just kind of shook my hand at him, like, go away. Just watch me. And he did. And he sat there with me, and I cried and cried and was got on the floor and was started shaking and having these really strong sensations of, of like, I had a fever, but I was just shaking uncontrollably and, like, one contraction after another. Like, so painful that I would go inside. And I I wasn't anywhere, you know? I wasn't present. I just didn't I went somewhere, but I didn't know where I was going. But I wasn't in my body. I was I was in my body. It was very it was wild and hard and just this time got shorter in between, like, then I would have a thirty second break and then, like, a ten second break. And I'm like, oh my god. What's happening? And then it just became one long contraction. So So I was on the floor, and I remember crying and kind of in in a child's pose, but with my legs spread, you know Mhmm. To fit my belly and just, like, sobbing. And then I thought, okay. Okay. Gotta gotta try this something else. And he went downstairs, started the tub. And without even talking to me, he went to start the tub and, like, intuitively and just without words, I knew that was happening. And so I heard the tub going, and I, like, tried to make it downstairs, to get to the bathtub. And it was awesome because there were no words exchanged. It was just a knowing that we had, and that felt really wonderful. And so I went down there, had a contraction on the way. It was awful. And in the stairs, got into the tub, and then just, like, kinda rode it out in that place. And he closed the door and got himself in the room with me, locked the door. So he locked the door because, the guests, the Airbnb guests were downstairs, and we were using their bathroom. And so he he had to tell them to use our bathroom upstairs. He told them I just wasn't feeling good. I was having some cramps. So and this is maybe it's let's say, like, seven thirty in the morning because I have no idea, really. Like, it just kind of blurred out from, like, five until nine twenty the next that morning. And I got into the tub and I cried some more. And I said, you know, I don't think I can do this. Like, I this is hurting so bad. There's not I'm not getting a break. Like, I can't do this. And through contractions, like, one after another, I would I started holding my breath and kind of, like, puff my face. And I pulled my hair a couple of times to help to defer the pain. Mhmm. And his name's Ash, and he was he, you know, he let me just do that. So I was crying upstairs. He didn't say a word to me. Not one word. It was it was pretty cool. We're in the I was in the tub. He was sitting on the toilet, and he kinda looked over at me and he said, you know, if you if you go to the hospital to get a drug, you know, to make the pain stop, you're gonna have to get out of the bathtub. And I looked around, and I was like, there's no way I'm doing that. Mhmm. That is not possible. Like, I cannot move. Like, it's too painful to move. I'm not going anywhere. And he said, I'm happy to take you, and I know that it's hard. But it's going to be if you go, then that you're gonna have to do the things that you didn't wanna do. And you he said, you know, you can do it. You can you can get through one at a time. And why don't you try to do this for another hour? And then we can check-in again. And then, you know, then I wanted to hold his hand. I hadn't wanted to hold his hand the whole time. And once he said that, and I looked around and I thought, well, yeah, there's no way I'm getting out of the tub. It just, like, one after another after another. And I closed my eyes, like, went underwater, had a couple more of those contractions, and left my body. And I looked up at the sun coming into the bathroom and, like, the tree that was over the bathroom was in a wild cherry tree. And I just felt the presence of, like, the whole universe, like, God and, like, everything with me holding that space for me, and I felt like everybody was there. All my everyone. My ancestors, my grandmothers, like, everyone. And I didn't feel alone, and I felt like what now I know that that was a transition for me. It was transition. I Wow. Didn't recognize it at the time. I just felt like, okay, I'm not alone. Another one, I'd go underwater, pull my hair, like, oh, God. And I was kind of a quiet one. I wasn't loud, but I was like, you know, it's kind of, like, grunty. And I was I made a lot more noise when I was pushing. But during that time when I left my body, when I started to come back into it, like, the next I had a break, so I had didn't have any contractions for, like, ten minutes. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. And I was watching the tree swaying in the wind in the you know, on the window. And then I started having contractions again. And it was, like, hold on to the side of the tub. Like, I was, you know, the feeling of throwing up for me. It was, like, ejection reflex. Like, in total involuntary. So I'd hold on, and my body would just, like, heave the baby down. And I was so just absolutely shocked and amazed at how my body was doing now. I'm like, wow. Now I'm pushing and that I don't I'm not even doing it. I'm just holding on for this this ride. And I did it for about I did that for an hour, and then I started to feel, you know, the her coming through my cervix, like, coming like, crowning and got through that, like, by breathing. I went from, like, kinda laying back on my side to, like, upright and in this tiny bathtub, ceramic bathtub. The whole time the Airbnb guests are upstairs getting ready for, for, going out in Savannah to do their thing. And I started, like, moaning and growling like an animal. The whole every contraction, I'd moan for, like, a minute and a minute and a half start growling and making I called it roaring because I felt like I was roaring like a lion. Totally. It was amazing. And it felt awesome because I felt, like, all the different sensations. Like, okay. I feel she'd moved down a little bit, moved down, moved down. I could feel it all. And then at, like, nine twenty in the morning, she came through. Like, she crowned and, you know, my partner was there kind of kind of hovering there, but he didn't wasn't, like, touching me, and I had my hands on her head. And it was just incredible, like, to to feel that and to feel that that was the moment when the adrenaline came through. And I was like, just get out. Just, like, come out. I'm ready. This is happening. And she, yeah, she came out in the next contraction. She kicked me. So my labor was like four hours from twenty minutes start to finish without a lot of pre labor. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And you like slept through it.
Speaker 2
It was crazy.
Speaker 1
So then And
Speaker 2
I was kinda it was I'm sorry. I was kind of like I felt shocked from the fastness of it. Mhmm. Oh, God. What? I was just asleep. Now there's a baby. What were you gonna say?
Speaker 1
I was just gonna say what what about the placenta?
Speaker 2
Oh, so well, she came out and she I was I was shaking from the adrenaline and everything, and she had a nuchal cord wrapped around her neck. And so I picked her up, but I wasn't able to move the cord because I was shaking a lot. So I took a deep breath. We both took a deep breath. And then Ash moved the cord from her neck. And, oh my gosh, her eyes were, like, wide open. And she came and laid on me, and we laid back in the tub and my placenta came, best feeling of relief ever, like the biggest poop. Like the birthing was a relief but then once the placenta came it was like, ah. Now everything is just I bet. Through. Mhmm. It was awesome. And it, like, it flew across the bathtub and, like, hit the other side of the bathtub and back and Woah. Kind of funny. But it was great. We lay I laid in the bathtub for maybe an hour, hour and a half, and then, you know, we clamped the cord with a, with a stone, a special stone that we had. And, and then I my a friend of mine came over after the baby was born, and she helped kinda tuck me into bed and take took me upstairs to the shower and the whole thing. And it was really, really sweet. And Ash took the baby and brought her up. And finding that it was a girl was, like, incredible because we just didn't we just figured, oh, this is a boy. Total boy energy everywhere.
Speaker 1
So how did that feel to almost find out that you were wrong in a way?
Speaker 2
About about the sexy music?
Speaker 1
Yeah. Like, did it take you a second to kind of register it? Like, I'm kind of asking selfishly because I totally think it's a girl, and it's been on my mind a lot. Like, oh my god. It's totally gonna be a boy. How is that gonna feel?
Speaker 2
It did. It was like I was expecting it to be a boy, the energy, like, the fastness, the intensity. And then when I looked and I was like, well, there's no penis. Oh my goodness. Real no. You know, I was kinda like, woah. No way. I was surprised, but I was also just so filled with love and joy that I was like, oh my god. A baby. You know? Right. It's not a boy. And I it's it's I'm still unpacking it, you know, from her childhood. She's three and a half now. And but it wasn't like a shock in a a weird way. It was more just like, woah. Life is weird. You know? Our dreams are weird. Like, we're incredible beings that kind of awe. It was more of an awe feeling. And so, yeah, it was it was wonderful. Like, my friends supported me postpartum, and she, yeah, she nursed, like, really quickly. And we got in bed, and we started the sideline nursing position and just, I mean, we still sleep together, you know, and she'll still nurse if she now if she's sick or something and needs a little a little boob. It's, it's just been so beautiful, and it completely changed me and helped me to see and recognize, like, I can ask for what I want. Not just ask for it, but just have it. Mhmm. I can have my power because I am a powerful person. It's not something that is gonna I earn. It's not something anyone gives to me. Making that experience helped me to I it's really helped me to hold space for other women who are, like, going through that transition or coming through, coming through transition because that having Ash, like, not say a word to me but just witness Mhmm. Was, like, the best thing possible. Because if anyone had tried to, like, coach me through it or, you know, like, do the cheerleader thing, I probably would have, like, punched somebody
Speaker 1
Totally. Fate. But he did exactly what he was supposed to do, which was listen Yes. And responded appropriately. It was great.
Speaker 2
I mean, I know I've heard a lot of stories about how men are at births and not some of them are pretty scary, and less than helpful. But his role was really yeah. He it was really powerful. Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And it
Speaker 2
was a powerful experience for him. I mean, he was on a oxytocin high for, you know, days. I mean, he can still tell the story now and still gets, like, oxytocin buzz from it. Of course. Just been telling the story. They're just so I'm so grateful for it, and I'm so grateful for women who, you know, like you, who tell stories and who share stories and who create that dialogue around birth because it it's it's important. It's not an event that someone else gets to do for you even though that happens.
Speaker 1
Well and and we're just learning again and again that women who hear these stories, you know, it sparks this little light inside of them, you know, that they so many women already have this voice of I can do this, but they've never heard another person tell them that. And they've they've only heard, you know, trauma based birth stories and fear mongering. And so, sharing these stories of just your your normalcy of just, like, you got pregnant, you found your way, you had a normal birth, it was really powerful, you were protected, it was profound, your partner was amazing. It's like, it's such a simple and powerful and beautiful narrative that's available to almost everybody.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. I love it. I know, and I'm so grateful that these get they get shared because that's how that's what we do. Like, yeah, there are statistics, but I think more importantly is our dialogue as storytellers because we will pass them along from generation to generation, and they're you know, that they belong to us.
Speaker 1
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
