Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
This week on the podcast, we have the beautiful Yoni, who on a whim, pregnant with her second child, journeyed from the mainland to Kauai with her partner to settle in their next chapter of life. She enjoyed a truly autonomous pregnancy with no outside management and practiced deep listening and connectivity with her baby soon to be born. Yoni shares her gorgeous story of birthing wild and free outside in the water under the moon on sacred land.
Speaker 2
Okay. We had just hiked the Pacific Crest Trail and ended up, trimming some ganja, actually, in the Oregon, and that's where we conceived Bodhi. And it was like I was just I was twenty one, and we had all these wild plans of, like, going to Asia, then traveling to Europe, then going to, like, Africa. I don't know. We were just gonna go wherever the wind took us. And then we got pregnant, and we were like, oh wait. Woah, now what?
Speaker 1
Yeah. Nothing puts a hitch in your giddy up like a pregnancy.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Totally. It was, and it, like, was definitely a bit of a shock, but we got over it pretty quickly, and, we're stoked afterwards. And we decided to move back to Georgia to be close to family, which, was quite wild because Georgia's the South. That we don't have a whole lot of tribe there. We have friends, and we have our family, and our family is our family. But, yeah, no tribe, you know? Yeah. No, Yeah. And, so my pregnancy with him was spent I worked at Lowe's in the garden center and just watered flowers for eight hours a day.
Speaker 3
Wow. That's
Speaker 1
not too bad. Really wonderful. Yeah. Exactly.
Speaker 2
And I had had a I had gone to just, like, a regular OB, and they were like, yeah. You might see, you know, twenty eight doctors within your pregnancy. And one of these on this sheet will deliver your baby.
Speaker 3
Ew.
Speaker 2
And I was like, what? No?
Speaker 3
And I
Speaker 2
was like, there's gotta be another option. And so I found a midwifery, and spent the rest of my time with them. I switched over probably around, like, twenty four weeks or so, and I had only seen the regular OB once before that. But, yeah, so spent the rest of my pregnancy with him, going to the midwifery, and then
Speaker 1
Sorry. Just just to be just to be clear, the midwifery that was within a hospital or out of hospital?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. They were the this midwifery was they delivered at a hospital. The hospital had the lowest c section rate in the state and was one of the only two hospitals in the state that allowed water births. So for me, it was a beautiful median at the time. We felt we had spoken about having a free birth with him, but didn't feel we had a safe space. We were living
Speaker 1
Oh, so free birth was already in your consciousness?
Speaker 2
It was. Yeah. It was in my consciousness, but my partner was like, no. What if? Mhmm. You know? He had, like, all these what ifs, and then, we were living in a thirty six foot camper on his parents' land, and I just didn't nowhere in my, like, visions could I see myself laboring either in the camper or on the land that wasn't didn't feel like mine or in a house with three other of his siblings. Like, I just didn't have a safe place. And so for me to find, like, this somewhat of an of a, you know, a median of this hospital that had, like, the lowest C section rate, water births allowed, these midwives I was enjoying. I was like, okay. Like, this is this this I can make this what I wanna make this.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And so that was that was that with him, and he yeah. So he was born in a hospital with midwives, and I labored in the tub for a really long time with him, but my body just wanted to deliver him standing up, and I ended up having him with my midwife underneath me.
Speaker 1
Nice.
Speaker 2
And, yeah, it was just a beautiful experience. His name his name is Bodhi, So he's, you know, light awakening, a teacher. And I think a lot of just his life is just such oh, my gosh. I just don't even know how to word it. But he is a teacher to us in so many ways, and I really believe that my pregnancy him was such a huge catalyst and such a huge teaching in how Bloom came into this world.
Speaker 1
Sure. Of course. It's all connected.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1
So how did you feel leaving that how did you feel leaving that birth?
Speaker 2
There at the time, I was elated. I was, like, you know, everything went the way it should have. Everything went beautifully. His cord was cut right away, and I feel like I have a little bit of trauma from that, to be honest. For sure. Because I remember minute, like, no, seconds after he was born, and I turned around, and I saw in my head just and, well, I saw and in my head thought that is a perfectly healthy baby. He was pink, and then my midwife was like, we're we're gonna have to cut the cord right away. He's not breathing.
Speaker 1
Right. Because And I For the record, babies don't breathe right away. Come on.
Speaker 2
I know. I know. Yeah. Exactly. And I I don't know. I didn't really think all this through until I read Sacred Birthing
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Later on and just some of the points they brought up. And I was like, oh my gosh. And so I actually had to heal a little bit of I feel a little bit of trauma around Bodie's birth.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
To be able to birth Bloom. But it was honestly, though, it was a really, really beautiful, you know, experience. Like, I was the I was, one of four women on the ward that night, and I was the only one laboring naturally. And so the the nurses would come in and watch me, and they'd be like, you've got this girl. You're a goddess. Like, look at you dancing this beautiful dance. Like,
Speaker 3
oh,
Speaker 2
you were born to do this, you know, and it felt so good. And so yeah. No. It was like a really beautiful experience, but when I got pregnant with Bloom, I just knew there had to be more.
Speaker 3
For sure.
Speaker 1
So, I mean, even even just having your baby cut from you without your consent, without your knowing and it just happening, Like, you know, as a culture, we really under estimate that. I mean, even just that is a really, really, really, really big deal and a lot to process. Absolutely.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
So you left there being like, that was awesome for the most part and there's gotta be more and Totally. So how how many years apart? What when was your next pregnancy?
Speaker 2
Pretty much two years exactly. Well, they're okay. So they were born they're both born on August second. Woah. So That's crazy. Yeah. They share yeah. They share a birthdays, so I can only assume they were conceived about the same time and actually out in Oregon again on a ganja farm. Bodie conceived in a tent. Bloom conceived in a van, probably.
Speaker 1
Uh-huh. Nice.
Speaker 3
How do
Speaker 1
you wind up in Hawaii?
Speaker 2
Yeah. So, we I had actually felt a calling to come to the islands, before my pregnancy with Bodhi. I think I actually kind of forgot to mention that a little bit. We were thinking of coming to the islands more as, like, travelers and then it being, like, a halfway stop to Asia, before I got pregnant with Bodhi. And then I had thought about taking this doula course with him or before I got pregnant with him as well on the islands, like a sacred birthing course. And, when I got pregnant with him, I decided not to do that because I needed the money to be able, you know, to have a baby. And, but I had been in contact with this, woman that lived on the island and that had a little community, and I had always just felt attracted to that space since before I was pregnant with Bodie. And when I got oh, and I had felt that Bodie totally wanted to be born on the islands, and we just didn't make it happen. We felt called, I guess, a little more called to be closer to family in Georgia.
Speaker 3
Mhmm. But
Speaker 2
when we got pregnant with Bloom, we were like, okay. This baby wants to be born on Kauai. We're doing whatever we need to do to get there.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And we finished up trim season, road trips from Oregon down to California, sold our van, and had everything lined up to come to this community on Kauai. And then when we were on the way down to California, they were like, hey. It's not gonna work out Oh, no. Right now. And we were like I was upset about it at first. And then I was like, you know what, babe? Like, we thrive on uncertainty. And, like, we did we just, like, had we just total surrendered to the Totally. Like, to with everything. Like, you know,
Speaker 1
people who who do what you do have to be like that. I'm the same way. Yeah. Like, you don't people don't, like, pick up and move to Hawaii or just, like, go do a trim season or or just roll to Georgia for a birth. Like, that that that level of, you know, nomadic vibe has to kind
Speaker 3
of
Speaker 1
come with trusting and and with the reality of uncertainty.
Speaker 2
Totally. Because, like, it's not always gonna go your way, and you just have to laugh about it with it.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And, like, the the shadow side to the illusion of certainty in in, like, a stable home for the same, you know, for a long time and the same, whatever, like the same job, the same, everything that's totally great and wonderful and has a real beautiful, groundedness to it as well. And I think that lifestyle can trap you in a illusion of certainty. You know?
Speaker 2
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 1
That's so not real either, which is the beauty and work of free birth. Right? That there is no certainty and motherhood. I mean, no one really escapes it. It's life. It's humanity.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Totally.
Speaker 1
So you So You're like, it's not gonna work out, but we're going anyway.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And I let them know. I was like, we're gonna buy our tickets, and we'll see you on the island. K. So, we I think I was probably about, like, nineteen or twenty weeks at the time we got to the island. And we bought a car, and my, love found a job within eighteen hours of our arrival.
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2
And That is not easy
Speaker 1
to do in Hawaii. No.
Speaker 2
I was about to say, if anyone knows, like, what it's like on the islands, like, be ready to, like, thrive or be ready to, like, burn to the ground. -Totally. -The energy here is super powerful. And if the islands want you here, they'll let you know. And we just had the biggest, warmest hug from Mama Kauai coming here, and we, you know, felt it was a lot of yeah, I mean, just a lot of the fact that she called a babe you know, her baby and our baby to be born here on this island, you know, with the wettest mountain of the Earth. Like, literally, the wettest place on Earth is on this island. It's like the womb space of the entire Earth. So being pregnant here on this island Yeah.
Speaker 3
Was
Speaker 2
just so magical. And just being able to go to the beaches and go swimming and,
Speaker 3
so many places.
Speaker 1
I mean, all the islands is such a fertile, fertile place. Like, all you see on Maui is pregnant bellies and babies, and it's such a fertile place.
Speaker 2
Oh, I love it. Yeah. And, we so we kind of, like, we moved into a regular house, and, I totally was like anytime I'd be like, you know what, Ryan? Like, I just don't this isn't this isn't where Bloom is supposed to be born. Oh, I didn't know I didn't know, my I didn't know her name. I didn't know Mhmm. Didn't totally know her gender. I thought I knew her gender. And I was just like, I just don't know if this is where she's supposed to be born. And we just didn't get attached to that house. Just didn't get attached to it. And then finally, after probably about two, three months on the island, we ended up meeting the owners of the community again and ended up slowly making our way in.
Speaker 3
-Mm.
Speaker 2
-And yeah, so we were supposed to be here, and we're here now. And, we have a little, hale with, it's it's like a school bus built, and then, like, a big sunroom built on, and she was born outside. And, yeah, so it's just great that we were able to be here on the island, but my to continue just with my pregnancy with Bloom
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
It was just it was absolutely magical. It we when we were in Oregon, so before we even came to the islands, I was in a new moon sister circle. And in this womb meditation that a sister led us into, I felt my womb space fill with just like the brightest light, the brightest love, and I had spirit come to me and whisper, she's coming. And I was like, woah, hold the door. Like, there's a baby coming? Okay. And I didn't tell my partner. And then when my next move never came, yeah. I, you know, we just we took a test and found out. And so the entire pregnancy, I was just just like, okay. Like, I just feel like it's a girl. And if it's not, I surrender to, like, everything I know. The just the just the the divine message was so strong, so strong. And I don't know. She's she's just such a magical, magical soul. Like, anytime I would be able to tune in with her, I could just she's the one that when I tuned in about the birth, she's the one that told me that free birth is what she wanted. It wasn't even it wasn't even something, like, yeah, my partner and I wanted this, but as long as my baby's in my arms, I'm gonna be content. You know what I mean? And but it was her that was, like, just so I don't even know. Just, like, this is what I want. This is how it's gonna go. And we trusted it, and we just went with it. And I could just envision there were just little snippets of her birth I could envision that actually ended up coming true too. And so in my pregnancy with her, we, you know, explored, like we listened to some of the podcasts. And one that really stuck out with me actually was, Katya's interview.
Speaker 1
Katya? Yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And where she just talked about, like, how much control we surrender when we have, you know, midwives or medical providers present. And that blew my mind. It blew my mind. I was like, holy shit. Like, I surrendered so much control to my midwife.
Speaker 1
We don't even realize. Yeah. We don't even realize it.
Speaker 2
Yeah. No realization there at all with, like, the checking I ended up letting her do. And that was just, like, a big, turning point for me in my pregnancy too, being like, okay. I have control. I'm gonna be the one in control. And that was just really powerful for me to just start, like, setting that intention and setting that space.
Speaker 1
What's so interesting about that is even if you're giving away control, you're still in control. Like, you know what I mean? Like, no matter what we're making decisions. And so if we're making decisions to let other people make our decisions, we're still making that decision. Yeah. But we don't realize it. And so it's kind of this, like, infinite loop of self, realization, you know, or self denial. Right? That, like Yeah. If if someone else is quote unquote managing anything about our bodies, we are deciding that that is, permissible. You know? So it's so interesting because we don't even realize that part. And I think once we realize that part, like your epiphany, then it's like, oh, is that actually what feels, you know, most intuitive and most mama bear to me?
Speaker 2
Right. Yeah. And, so I we just started exploring. I remember at first when I had felt the or when I had felt Bloom tell me that this is what she wanted, I was, like, kinda scared to tell my partner because I didn't know how he was gonna react. But he was like, yeah. This is what she wants. Like, we've done it. You know, we've had Bodhi. Like, we've
Speaker 1
had this. Isn't it kind of what every baby wants? Like, every baby wants to be born optimally. Right? Right. Like, every baby wants to be born to a healthy woman in her power because in arguably that is optimal for survival, bonding, attachment, contentment. And, you know, so I love that you were tuned into it, and I would say that you were tuning in to, like, the primal whisper of the universe, you know, that says, like, birth your baby optimally, birth your baby undisturbed, undisturbed, birth your baby without, you know, gloved hands in your vagina. Right. You know?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.
Speaker 1
So how did Ryan take it?
Speaker 2
Ryan was like, yeah. Like, this if this is, you know, like, let's make it happen. And it was still me that had, like, the doubts. It was me that was more so, like, had these doubts and fee a little bit of fear still. And so we would we interviewed, like, two midwives. And, it was funny because in one of the interviews with the midwives, we were sitting by the stream in the back of the property, and she was like, okay. So that was, like, you know, that was a good little interview. How do you feel about meeting again, like, in a month or so? And then this but, we don't know what fell. I think it may have been a banana, like a banana tree, and it just, like, went, whoosh. And she goes, Oh. I'm feeling And she just, like, couldn't talk for a second. Like, she's a very spiritual I don't know. She's a really, really cool person. And I'm sure she's an amazing midwife. But she was like, I don't really know what to do about that right now. She was like, This feels very strange.
Speaker 3
And I
Speaker 2
was like, What are you feeling? She's like, I'm feeling like this baby does not want anyone to touch her or any like, do anything. Like, she doesn't want me, you know, to take your blood. She doesn't want me to let you pee in a cup for me to check anything. Like Yeah, no. And, and so that was that was really interesting. And
Speaker 1
That's awesome.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. And I I just thought it was cool that she I don't know. That she voiced that too, that she voiced that
Speaker 3
I don't
Speaker 1
because we went to there's a lot of humility in that. And, again, no baby wants you to take your blood.
Speaker 2
No. No. And, it was and we were only interviewing these midwives as, like, a, like, we we would tell them, we were like, we want to have a free birth. We're going to have a free birth. Like, can you be our emergency backup? With just in in interviewing these midwives, I just still felt that they were like they were, like, yeah, but, you know, what if there's a what if? She had mentioned that, like, she could hold space for us just on the land and then not even be there and but just for her to, like, be on the land in case. And I was, like, no. I don't. I just these in cases, these these whiffs, like, they're what's holding me back from, like, completely surrendering to the power of knowing we are capable. And so when I spoke with Ryan about it, he was like, no. We don't need them. We've got this. Like, I don't yeah. It's just you and I. Like, we've got this. We can do this. And hearing my partner say that, like, almost in that well, in that moment, just have more trust
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Than I myself did just made me be like, one, I love you. Two, you're absolutely right. We've got this. And I just that I just started that was another, like, big turning point for me of just, like, sinking deeper into just trusting and knowing that this was the most right thing for us to do and for to bring our baby, you know
Speaker 1
Beautiful.
Speaker 2
Onto Earth. Yeah.
Speaker 1
So take me to
Speaker 3
the the
Speaker 1
time of your birth.
Speaker 2
Yes. So, it was August first, and we Ryan's mother was in town, was on island. She wasn't I definitely didn't envision her being at the birth, but it ended she ended up being there. And she I really saw her more as, like, help with postpartum, And it was wonderful to have her here. But, so she was on island, and morning of the first, we went to town to do, like, all sorts of errands. And when we were sitting at Costco, I was like, oh my goodness. I have to we have to leave. Like, I'm just feeling all these people's energy, and it's nothing anyone is doing, but I am just so sensitive right now, and we have to go home. And I was also, I don't know whether, you know, I part of me doesn't like to say the whole week thing, but for the sake of, you know, for the sake of conversation, I feel like sometimes it's, like, I don't know, it's easier to say Mhmm. How far along you are in weeks because it gives some little bit of a reference to something. Yeah. I was forty one and six. Mhmm. And, we had, yeah, just been, like, trusting that baby was gonna come on baby's timing. And so my
Speaker 1
husband What what else would they
Speaker 2
Yeah. Right? Right? Exactly. Yeah. And so we decide to I'm like, okay. You guys go to the laundromat, drop me back off at home, and Bodie fell asleep in the car, which was perfect. And then so we go we go home, we get to the land, and I decide to go lay down and rest. And I'm, like, not tired enough to sleep, so I close my eyes and start just kind of, like, having this just meditation, this envision. A couple days prior, I had realized that I needed to shift my perspective on this baby's timing. And I had just been so focused on, like, we're ready for you. I'm ready for you. You know? And just, like, so much of just just me saying I was ready. And I had just started to kinda shift into this, like, different perspective of when you're ready. Like, when you are ready, we will receive you. You know? And so I And
Speaker 1
that can start that can start even, you know, with conscious conception, like for any women who are listening, who are thinking about calling in their babies. Like I remember having that epiphany doing the same thing all through my first month of calling her in. And I knew exactly who it was that I was calling and she's amazing. She's who came and I, I, that first month I didn't conceive. And when I bled, I was like, wait, what? And just so convinced that she would come the second I called, and I had a huge epiphany and release around, like, oh, this isn't about me being like, okay. My my time. Let's go. I'm ready. Come now. It's okay. I am available. I am open. I'm I'm receptive. And now it's about being open to her timing, and then I conceived the next week.
Speaker 2
Amazing. So I guess
Speaker 1
our timing was quite synced up, but but it was Yeah. Very you know, even though it was only one month of that, having to sit in that work, it was, it really held true the whole pregnancy and then the whole birth process and and, of course, still into mothering.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you talked about that because that really is huge. Just, like, kinda just changing the perspective a little bit and seeing what other angle you can see it from.
Speaker 1
And then it's a day.
Speaker 2
More doors. Yeah. Yeah. It's oh my gosh. It's a beautiful dance.
Speaker 1
Yeah. We're just like the cup. Yeah. So so you had a beautiful breakthrough around her timing.
Speaker 2
Yes. And so I was, like, envisioning I had this you know, I was doing this little meditation in my and I was envisioning, like, my safe spot. And my safe spot in my meditations where I go is, like, this, like, big rock in the middle of this, I don't know, like, gorgeous blue emerald water with, like, a waterfall wall all around me in, like, jungle. And that's where I go in my meditations, and so I can see myself, like, out of body. And so that's where I was, and I had a little, like, light orb. I had my baby soul come down to me, and I caught and I caught the orb, and I put it on my belly, and then we ascended together to the heavens, to the cosmos. And there were all these other, like, light orb, you know, little baby souls floating up there. And then right as I was there, this song, I had been listening to flute music and this song came on. And, I have the lyrics written down, and I'd love to share them.
Speaker 3
So they
Speaker 2
were just I just remember I just remember in that moment, I was like, woah. I just had this, like, beautiful little envisioning and meditation, and now these lyrics are playing. And it said it was, you are a child of the moon, a child of the earth, a child of my womb. A tree is a child of the sun, a child of a seed, a child of the one. Growing in wonder, they reach for the sky. Roots set deep in the ground. Guide their hearts as they dance their dance on this journey, this stage called life.
Speaker 1
That's awesome. So that just came on?
Speaker 2
Yeah. It just, like, came I had been listening to flute music, but, like, that song came on and I'd never even listened to that song. Like, I had I just yeah. And then right after, like, right seconds after those lyrics played and then then it goes, like, into the flute music, my one of my sisters on the land walks in goes, hey, Oni. And I'm like, hey. And I tell her about the experience I just had. And she goes, do you want a massage? And I'm like, yeah. I want a massage. So she's massaging me. And then, Ryan, his mama, and Bodhi come home maybe, like, an hour later. And I my phone had been I think my phone had died in the meantime while Kira was giving me a massage. And when I turned, I had to, plug it into the car because we live off grid. And, when they came back and I had my phone turned back on, I'd gotten a message from one of my friends in Oregon, who quite possibly is where on their driveway in our van is probably where we conceived. Yeah. And she said that her daughter goes back to the East Coast, every summer for a couple weeks to visit family and that on their daily FaceTime, she had mentioned her daughter's only, like, six years old, by the way, had asked if I had had my baby yet. And, you know, her mom was like, I don't know why. And she goes, well, I had a dream that Bodhi's little sister and my little sister, her mom is pregnant too, were swimming in the ocean and a sea turtle came up to Bodhi's little sister and said it's did a little dance around Bodhi's little sister and said it's time for you to go meet your family.
Speaker 3
Aw.
Speaker 2
And that Bodhi's little sister got on the sea turtles back, and the sea turtle brought them to an island Chill. Where they were all waiting for yeah. Where they were all waiting Aw. For the baby. And I was like, what? I don't even know if she knows we live on Kauai. I don't even know if she knows, you know, that turtle that sea turtles are regarded as sacred here.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
That they're, you know, the guiders of, like, coming home.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And I it was just it was it was such a beautiful message.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And then that so, yes, time time is always interesting. And so we had dinner, except I didn't eat dinner. And that was, like, another sign for me. I was like, wow. I have this meditation. I have this message about sea turtles and my baby possibly coming to an island where we're waiting. I haven't eaten. And then I went to the bathroom and I was like, not my time of day to go to the bathroom. Also interesting. Mhmm. And, I went back to our holiday and started having, yeah, just these, like, sensations in my lower abdomen, but they were so much lower and so different than Bodhi's that for a long time I was kind of in denial about it. They were just like Bodhi's were slow oncoming and like radiating and then they would fade out. This was just kind of more like a little bit piercing and strong and low. And so I was just, you know, I let Ryan know I was having these feelings
Speaker 3
and I
Speaker 2
was like, but I don't know if anything's happening. I hadn't lost, like, my mucus plug or anything. I mean, I'd felt a little bit of change of pressure, like, over the weeks I'd been waiting, you know. And I'd felt, you know, just very overly sensitive that day. And then I I. I ended up going to the bathroom again and this was at like it was like I like we tried to eat dinner maybe at eight eight thirty and then I went to the bathroom again at ten ish and that's when I messaged everyone on the land. I was like, hey, guys. Like, this is what's happening. These are the things that have happened. And I just wanna let everyone know, you know, where we're at and that we might be needing, you know, a little bit of a little bit of help here soon. And my, one of my sisters on the land was like, okay. Just so you know, baby number two can come really quick. She was like, Burbank came in, you know, four hours.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And I was like, yeah. Yeah. I don't know if it's happening tonight. I'm just gonna go back to bed. I'm gonna rest. And then when I got back to bed, within, like, fifteen minutes, I was on hands and knees and, like, you know, working on, like, breathing through it. Oh my god. And and so I was like and Ryan had just before I went to the bathroom, Ryan had just been like, oh, I'm exhausted. Like, we need to try to get rest. And I was like, oh, no. No. I am Luckily, he doesn't
Speaker 1
have to really do anything, so it's fine.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Totally. Yeah. No. It was totally fine. And so I was like, you know, baby, like, I think I need I think I'm gonna send another message, and I'm gonna tell I'm gonna ask if anyone is down and willing to come blow clean and blow up the birth tub so it's at least outside and there. Because I don't know how long this is gonna take. I don't know how how, you know, how fast this could be. As a little side note, my mom had my brother, which was her second baby, in an hour and a half.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And so
Speaker 2
I was like, yeah, maybe genes will, like, play a part in this. Right? And, so I sent a text and I heard some people, you know, arriving to our little space, and Ryan grabbed the bathtub and, gave it to them to clean and and and set up. And at that point, I was really having to focus my breath and just, like, dip further into this, yeah, this birthing space. I was having those the waves and the sensations were just so much stronger and so different that I just had to dance with it and figure out what was going to be working for me.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And it also took a good bit of surrendering for me because I, like, wanted to, yeah, just, like, sit and meditate and be able to breathe through them, but that wasn't that that wasn't my you know, sitting and breathing through it wasn't my meditation.
Speaker 1
Totally.
Speaker 2
And I had to,
Speaker 1
like But again, right? Yeah. Exactly. That's that's the thing. Like, no. I wanted to be peaceful and graceful. Right. It's like, no. You have to be primal.
Speaker 2
And, so we I was trying to, like, I put pillows up on the bed and sway, kind of, like, hanging over the pillows, and I tried to put the pillows on top of the changing tables and do that. I tried to, like, hang on to my to my friend. I tried to hug Ryan. I tried to be on the birth ball, and I started being like, well, what if I walk through the contractions? And so I started yeah. When I would feel one come on, I would just start walking, and the and the what was playing in my head was this song my one of my sisters on the land would sing to me if she would, like, massage me, and it was, like, the song that went, like, I'm wide open. I'm trusting my body to carry me through carrying you to me. And that just played in my head over and over and over and over and over. And so I would just yeah. Just through the rest of the labor with Bloom and just like, every surge that would come on, that's just what would be playing in my head. And I would walk and rub my belly, and I ended up telling Ryan. And this had only we've we'd only been going for probably, like, an hour. -Right. -And
Speaker 1
-You're like, I've already died a thousand deaths.
Speaker 2
-Yeah. And, I was like, you know what? Like, the tub is clean now. I think it needs to be filled up. And this this isn't a whole other process. So this is, like, off grid, and we're trying to do a water burn.
Speaker 3
Right.
Speaker 2
And we have we have hot water, but it's at the shower, and it's solar powered with a pump. Mhmm. And it has, like, it's the pump is solar powered, and then it has, like, a water heater. Yeah. This, like, tankless water heater that runs off propane, but that doesn't reach to our house. So what we had was, like, the heating element of one of those tankless water heaters on top of a rocket stove that has fire going in it. And we had enough pressure coming out of our hose to not have to have a pump. And so, we were pretty Yeah. We had, like, hot water by fire, but not by boiling water in pots and having to, like, transfer it to the tub. I know that's probably a lot, but the person on the land that thought of this, I just he is high and mighty, and I thank him Totally. For having gotten us hot water.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Amazing. And so, Ryan is trying to get the fire going to be able to get water into the tub, hot water into the tub. And mid, you know, mid surge, I hear the water come on and a pipe just go. Uh-oh. And I hear one of the other people on the land go, bro, you just melted the hose. No. So I heard Ryan scuffle off, and, I assumed to go, you know, try to find in their hose or talk to the handyman that knows how to do everything. And I had been laboring in the bus and decided that I needed more space. I wanted to be able because I had been walking through the surges, I wanted to be able to walk a longer length. And so I had, I moved the Chuck's pads from the inside of the bus to, like, outside of like, over by our sunroom and, just and had been just walking, like, lengthways as long as I could of the Chuck's pads, like, up and down one way during my surges. And I walked past the back door at one point and saw the water level of the tub, and it it was just beckoning me, absolutely just like, get in here. And so I opened the back door, and I was like, what's the temperature? I wanna get in. And they were like, we don't know the temperature. We compromised the thermometer. And I was like, what does that mean? And I guess they had tried to, instead of, like, boiling water and dipping the thermometer into the boiling water, they boiled the water with the thermometer in it. Does that
Speaker 1
Well, the good thing is you have a hand.
Speaker 2
Totally. Yeah.
Speaker 1
You know, like, I've never used a thermometer in at a birth ever because you could
Speaker 2
just I think we just had yeah. We had one, and it had, like it was, like, this fun turtle floaty thing. And I was, like, you know, I don't know. And so, yeah, I went out there, and I was, like, I don't care about the thermometer. And I put my hand in, and I was, like, this feels absolutely divinely perfect, and I'm getting in. And they were like, Okay. And so I had, like, two I had two waves, and then, it just felt so good to have the water there. And it was interesting because with my birth with Bodie, I would I labored in the tub for such a long time, but with every contraction would stand up out of the tub. And with, with Bloom, I was able to just, like, on hands and knees or just hanging over, just be able to just sway and let the water kind of, like, come over my back a little bit and was able to stay in the water. And after, yeah, I had, like, two surges of being in the water, my, friend's land sister was like, you know, we're gonna give you guys space. We're gonna clear out. And there was only it was only her and then Rob and Scotty, and they had helped set up the tub and helped keep a fire going for, like, the hour that this had been going on. And I guess after maybe maybe, like, two hours at this point, maybe even a little bit more. But I remember as they, like, right after they left, I just remember having this feeling of, I don't know if I wanna do this anymore. And that totally rang a bell in my head. Like, you felt it. You you know this. You know this feeling. And I remember just, like I just find this funny. I just had these these two thoughts, like, come in and out really quickly, and it was just, like, me questioning, like, what that midwife down the road that we didn't hire could possibly do for me at that moment. And then also, like, what about that epidural at the hospital? And I was like, funny. Like, funny that this is even coming to your brain right now. Like like, it was just funny that my yeah. I just I was trying to think of these other options, but, like, I
Speaker 1
didn't even work out. It's like, save me. Can anyone do this for me? Can is there any saving to be had here? Totally.
Speaker 2
And it was like, I, like, swirled to the other edge of the tub where Ryan was sitting outside of. And I was like and I didn't say the words can't because I knew I could because I've I've had Bodhi before. And I was just like, I don't know if I wanna do this anymore. And then then with the next surge, I reached in and could feel her head.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And I was like, oh. Yeah. Okay. Confirmed. Confirmed. I know why I'm having these feelings. I'm I'm I'm there. I'm there. I'm gonna meet my baby. And I told Ryan, I was like, Ryan, I can feel her head. Like, I'm like, my body's gonna want to start pushing soon. And he goes, what? So soon? And he was like, fuck. I gotta pee. And then, like, and then and then, like, looks and goes, shit. The ground's on fire. What? Like, where the what? Like, where we had had the fire on the rocket stove to heat the water in the tub, there was just, like, some leaves on the ground, and they caught on fire.
Speaker 3
Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 2
He's like so I'm, like, here in my blissful bubble, like, oh, I can feel my baby's head. Like, okay, I gotta do do you know, just sink down a little deeper. I gotta get ready. And he's like, pee first or fire first or my wife first. Like, what do you mean? So anyways, he puts out the puts up a little bit of fire that's there. It goes to pee and ends up, like and it was it's it's so much fun to hear him tell this story too because, he was able to, like, really witness it this time around. Whereas with Bodie, you know, there were, like, nurses around and midwives around and, like, he didn't feel like he properly had a place.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
But he was, like, you know, able to be, like, wow. Like, okay. Like, I see, you know, I see your, I see that you're bulging. I'm like, Oh wow. And there's her head, you know? And so, but so I had reached in and could feel her head. And I think the next surge after that I like looked up at the moon and I said, moon, mother earth, like my ancestors, anyone that's birthed before me, any any women that are birthing right now, like, please come together and help me meet my baby within the next two waves. And I think it ended up being more like three or four, but I oh, man. Things just started getting so primal. Like, my roar has got so much louder, and I'm sure everyone on the lands could hear. And with every with every wave, I had my hands inside just, like, feeling her descend. And I remember kind of feeling, like, that I couldn't really I was like, wow. Like, I really feel like I can't stretch anymore. Like, I really don't feel I didn't I couldn't really remember having that feeling with Bodhi. Like, I feel like it just happened. But with Bloom, I was actually kind of, like, helping whether that was beneficial or not. I mean, that's just what I did in that moment and felt right. But just, like, inside, just, like, kind of helping me open just a little bit as her head was coming down. I just wanted to meet her so bad.
Speaker 1
I just so bad. Anything that you're doing with your instincts is right.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And it felt it was like, this is just what I wanna be doing. I wanna have, you know, my hand inside and I wanna feel and I wanna help her come out. And so I was, like, kind of on my I was on my hands and knees and was able to feel her start coming out. And then I guess she must have, yeah, in the water, you know, turned and gotten face up and I lifted her out of the water. And in that moment of, like, you know, feeling her and kind of guiding her and then guiding her to where I could see her face and then guiding her up out of the water was exactly exactly how I had when I would tune in with my baby about how the birth would go, that's what I would see. I would see, you know, that exact movement of, like, yeah, bringing this tiny little blue eyed brown haired human out of the water and only my partner being there with me. And Bodhi was asleep outside or inside, and, Ryan's mom had been, like, caressing his back because he had started wrestling a little bit. But yeah. So she was in there with him and knew and that's exactly how it played. And that I just trusted how it was all gonna go because that's how it went and just trusting myself. And it was just such a beautiful, magical experience. And I and when I got her out of the water, I you know, immediately oh, it was funny because Ryan's mom ended up coming out and was like, is it a boy or a girl? And I was like, I don't even care yet. Although I had, you know, so strongly felt it was a girl.
Speaker 3
And then
Speaker 2
I did, like, turn her over and her cord was wrapped around, like, her leg a little bit. And I, you know, opened up her legs and saw it was a girl, and I just immediately said, like, welcome, Bloom.
Speaker 3
Oh.
Speaker 1
Because I
Speaker 2
knew that was we knew that was gonna be her name. Oh, it was just such a blissful love bubble to know that yeah. So it ended up being, like, three hours and ten minutes
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Total. And it was just intense and powerful, but, like, easy at the same time, you know, and just so perfectly perfectly played out the way it was supposed to go.
Speaker 1
Well, and that's the thing when you're when you are really in your birth, when you're present inside of it, and when you are allies to it, it can get as big as, as the whole universe. But, but we're so, protected, you know? And and so that's, I think a lot of people think, oh, pain equals bad, you know, but pain also can equal big and pain, you know, pain can equal power. And to be, you know, this little like drop in the ocean of, of the universe, birthing another, another soul into this universe. It's like, there's literally nothing more connected and, profoundly big, you know? And so I love that you mentioned, like, can I even stretch it even more? Because that is that is womanhood. That is motherhood, you know, like, can I, can I? And then you do and you do again and again and again. Yeah. It's so cool.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just so cool, man.
Speaker 1
What about your placenta?
Speaker 2
My placenta? So I ended up being, like, in the tub. I was like, oh, I should probably get out of the tub to deliver the placenta because with Bodhi, I remember my placenta came. So they I mean, when they cut the cord and brought him and did whatever they they felt needed to be done to him, My placenta came out before he was back on my chest, and I know that he was back he was on my chest within, like, four minutes.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Like, I or even even quicker. And so I was like, oh, I should probably get out of the tub and, like, get somewhere where I feel like I'm I'm grounded and not shaky or anything and be able to birth the placenta. And so I made it to, I made it to, like, the living room and was just, like, kind of crouched over this, like, stainless steel bowl holding Bloom in my arms and just, like, just witnessing her and all of her beauty. And, so I birth end up birthing the placenta in the tub and or not in the tub, sorry, in the bowl. And then we ended up, getting into bed and we felt we really felt that Bloom wanted a lotus birth. And we just I I guess we just weren't prepared enough in preparation, because after the birth, we were just like, wow. We're so tired. Now what? I'm like and, we just, like, questioned whether being in the tropics with, you know, like, living more outside than inside would be of any hindrance to, like, the, you know, drying process. And then I felt like Bloom was okay with us doing, like, half and half where, like and that was really interesting, yeah, just, like, idea that I had come across was, yeah, just, like, cutting the placenta in half and doing, like, half of that lotus birth and then half of, like, the encapsulation process. And so that you're still leaving at least half attached to the baby. But even that was like, oh, okay. So
Speaker 1
But that's the same issue.
Speaker 2
Right. No. Yeah. Exactly. It was still like, okay.
Speaker 1
So you lose
Speaker 3
it to that. Like
Speaker 2
yeah. It's just half of it. And so and then so but it was kind of like so for the next, like, two or three hours, it's kind of like one of those, I don't know, psychedelic trips where you, like, okay. So what are we gonna do?
Speaker 1
Yeah. You're just circling and then circling totally.
Speaker 2
And then, like We
Speaker 1
had a plan. Right? What was the plan? Oh, wait. No. We have a plan. We know what we're doing.
Speaker 2
And then, like, oh, what did the phone say? What did what did your research? Okay. Okay. And And then, like, thirty minutes later, okay. So what are we doing? Right. And it's just, like, just like
Speaker 1
High as
Speaker 2
a butt. Yeah. Just this circle of, like, just going nowhere with our decision. And I we you know, we spoke to Bloom, and we were like, Bloom, like, we are so happy that you are here. We are so just, like, in love with you and, you know, life right now. And we really don't wanna have to, you know, just think all these things through. And we just spoke with her and said that we were gonna leave it on for, four hours, and then we were gonna try to burn through the cord. But even that, we had we were quite unprepared for. We ended up finding, like, maybe, like, six inch pieces of hemp wick. And so we, like, tried to get through tried to burn through it with the hemp wick, and then it didn't it that we ended up burning through the hemp wick and then had, like, candles, but the candles would have really needed to have been, like, long and slender candles. Totally. Not, like, thick and stout.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And so we had, we what we do probably know, we had, like, tea leaves, covering, like, for people that are listening, they're just, like they're on the islands. They grow everywhere. But there are these big, like, elongated leaves, and we had that as a heat barrier covering her and, like, part of Ryan because she was laying on Ryan, and I was the one.
Speaker 1
That's nice. We just used a beer cardboard box. Yeah.
Speaker 2
That's awesome.
Speaker 1
Yours sounds a lot more romantic.
Speaker 2
It was. It was like, okay, let's go pick some tea leaves outside of our house. But then so we were like it was just taking such a long time. And then the way that just we just because we had, like, a short stout candle, it started dripping wax on Ryan.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And I was like, okay. Like, no. -Yeah. -Alright. We tried this, you know? And then we just spoke with Bloom, like, okay. You know, we're trying to do this the most gentle way possible. But it's time, you know, it's time for you to come to Earth. Just be of Earth and be of ours, and we're gonna disconnect you from, you know
Speaker 1
And how'd you
Speaker 3
do it?
Speaker 2
This tree of life. We ended up just tying it with a string, and then we had sterilized Ryan had gone to just, like, quickly boil scissors and then just, like, cut through the rest of it. And then we ended up
Speaker 1
So you did every single way?
Speaker 2
Yeah. For real. Like, seriously. Just, like, in
Speaker 3
a bowl This
Speaker 1
is your lotus chapter. This is your burning chapter, and this is your cutting chapter. That's great.
Speaker 2
Oh, my gosh. And, we ended up encapsulating it. And, my one of the sisters on the land, ended up doing it for me. And her daughter, who's turning six in September, was helping and, like, massaging, you know, the blood clots out of it.
Speaker 3
Aw. And,
Speaker 2
yeah. And I ended up painting my drum, like, my shaman medicine drum with the blood. Hell, yeah. And that was really cool in giving everyone blood bindis that was around that day. I was like, who wants it? On your third eye. There you go. And, yeah. So they helped me do that and, we're drying her umbilical cord to be able to make a dream catcher out of and for her to have later in life.
Speaker 1
Yeah. How do you feel now? You're two weeks postpartum.
Speaker 2
Two weeks. I feel really great. I feel the recovery was just as fast. I think my body heals just really, really quickly, and it's just always been a thing. So by, like, gosh, by, like, day four, I didn't have soreness anymore, and wasn't bleeding much at all. I pretty much I've been, like, free free bleeding too for the most most of it. I don't really like having to wear Yeah. Underwear or pads or anything. I'd rather just, like, feel something in between my legs and go run out you know, go run outside or go run to the kitchen and just wash it off.
Speaker 3
Off Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Than have to do more laundry than, you know, like, and I'm yeah. I'm just feeling good. Papa's still home for now, and we took Bloom. We put her feet on the earth for the first time, I think, like, three days ago, three or four days ago. Had a little ceremony, made a little mandala out of flowers, and we ended up taking her to, one of the beaches too. And then we went back to the beach with her yesterday, and she just loves it. And so slowly but surely, you know, I've so I've left the land now twice, but waited two weeks. And it's just like this island's too beautiful to just stay
Speaker 1
on your own life. The same
Speaker 2
experience. Your little piece of land. Yeah. Although our although land we live on is just, you know, magical and there's a food forest and there's palm trees and bananas and big mangoes and a stream. It's like, it's beautiful, but it's still like where you live and where you go to sleep and where you eat, you know?
Speaker 1
Totally.
Speaker 2
And I was just like, so I think with Bodhi too, it was two weeks when we went out with him to, you know, the river where I spent a lot of my pregnancy.
Speaker 1
Well, and I think it's super different if you're like living in Los Angeles and your outing is to drive forty five minutes in bumper to bumper, aggressive traffic, to go to target, to go to the pediatrician, to go to the grocery store. Yeah. I mean, that sounds hellish. But Yeah. It does. When you have the the privilege, you know, of of of your outings being nurturing and nature based, it it feels very different. I I had a similar I was, like, thinking I would do forty days. And after I think I really made myself wait about four weeks.
Speaker 3
You know, but
Speaker 1
but, again, like, we were on land not not as much as it sounds like you are, but, you know, we were able to, like, be outside and lay in the grass and and, you know, feel the sun on our face and all of that. So that felt really good. But eventually I was like, wait, why am I tripping about just walking in the forest or going to the beach? Like that doesn't, that's not a part of this whole forty days, you know, no stress, no overwhelm. Like that's super nurse nourishing to me. Mhmm. So yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And the beach was totally nurturing to bloom. It was amazing. Like, she she was just totally passed out, blissed out in this, like, deep, deep sleep for a long time. And when she woke up, it was, like, the most awake she's been. Like
Speaker 1
She's with the elements. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah. And she's just, like, you know, mom spent her pregnancy by the ocean. Exactly. I was born in the water, and, like, this is home.
Speaker 1
It's a happy baby.
Speaker 2
Outside, outside, just, you know, yeah. So she really loves it and Bodhi loves her so much. It's been a beautiful experience watching him blossom as well. And he like, we'll just come over to her randomly and give her kisses on the head and ask if she's okay if she's crying and, like, mention, like, whether or not she's awake. But, yeah, born on the same, you know, born on the same day, two two years apart. That is wild. Beautiful connection.
Speaker 1
Yeah. That is wild. Well, thank you so much. It's, it's refreshing to hear these wild stories and, and just how you fully embraced it and just, and just went into it and welcomed it and dealt with it and, and, you know, let it really be its most epic formation, really like you don't, you don't get more, you don't get more perfect and tuned in and, you know, what's the right word just connected and just the surrender and the lessons and yeah. Awareness and just such a gift you gave your family.
Speaker 2
Just most powerful epic thing I've definitely ever done and the most right feeling too. Just absolutely no doubt in my mind afterwards that if I have any other babies that they will be born freely with just my partner and my babies and, you know, yeah, just us. Just as as a family, just welcoming our newest addition.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
I mean, it's the natural way. Like, it's it's I know that that's confronting for people, but, like, that is what tigers do. That is what bears do. That is what we have done until very, very, very, very recently. It is, it is the way of nature, you know, to be private and undisturbed and quiet and with the elements and, you know, being, being connected to outside or even being outside. That's, I mean, being just with your family, like family birth is it's as good as it gets.
Speaker 2
Yeah, it really was.
Speaker 1
And even for your partner, like you speaking to, you know, that Ryan felt like he played such a, you know, a bigger role for himself and getting to be the person holding with you. You know, instead of a bunch of other people that you don't even know and are never gonna see again.
Speaker 2
Right. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. It was a very empowering experience for him too.
Speaker 1
I loved that song you sang. That was really pretty.
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah. That's it. Like, honestly, it helped me through the entire thing. It was just so just, like, constantly on on in my brain, and I'm glad I was able to share that too because,
Speaker 3
I
Speaker 2
don't know, I hope I love mantras and
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
They definitely helped me with Bodie.
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2
But this one was just like, I just wanna share it with the world. I don't know. There's like it's so much fun being on the islands because there's, like, so many beautiful, beautiful people and so many doulas too. And so, like, there's so many fun songs that got taught to me that I really, really used during my just during my pregnancy too, not even just, like, the birth, but just so fun to hear, yeah, just, like, medicine songs of other people, you know, and I'm just really glad my friend Taylor was able to share that. Mhmm. That's me because it just played such a such a great, great, great thing for my for my labor with bloom.
Speaker 1
Totally. I mean, my yeah. This this song, I shared it in my episode. There was a song for me that was my turning point. Like that more than anything, any support anyone gave me or, anything in my birth, it was one particular song that shifted everything, you know, for me. So, I mean, yeah, it's it's
Speaker 2
songs are so powerful,
Speaker 1
so powerful
Speaker 2
Music. Yeah. Just any any form of it. It's just amazing.
Speaker 1
Alright, girlfriend.
Speaker 2
So great.
Speaker 1
Thank you so much for sharing. That was such a beautiful, beautiful tale.
Speaker 2
Thank you. It was
Speaker 1
so nice to meet
Speaker 2
you, Emily.
Speaker 1
Yeah. You too. Alright. Bye.
Speaker 2
Bye, darling.
Speaker 1
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
