Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily Saldea.
Speaker 1
Today on the podcast, we have Anna who shares her journey of self discovery through conscious conception, free birth, and motherhood. We also speak about her relationship to sacred stones and how that led her to create magical stone elixirs to promote healing, awareness, and self care. And
Speaker 2
this book caught my eye. And this book caught my eye. And I grabbed it. It was this beautiful cover and I just remember it was a used bookstore. I remember being so attracted to this book and taking it off the shelf, looking at the title, and it was called spiritual midwifery, which I'm sure many of the nurse have heard of. And I was like, oh, this is interesting. I flipped through it, and I was like, oh my goodness. This is really interesting. Because at that point, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I knew I was going to be a mom at some point, but I never thought much about birth other than just what we're shown on the movies. And so I bought this book. I took it home, and I read it cover to cover. Like, I just completely read the whole book. Not even like, I wasn't even planning on being pregnant anytime soon, but I devoured it and fell in love with birth at that moment. And just yeah. Just it it really awakened me to the idea that birth could be exciting. It could be something other than this just big ball of fear. Mhmm. So that really opened the door. Yeah.
Speaker 1
It's a big deal.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It was a huge deal. And my husband even at the time, like, we I don't know if we were married yet when I found that book, but, we were together. And he definitely slipped through the book, and so it kinda gave him a little just like precursor to, to our journey as parents. And so then fast forward a little bit and I did get pregnant and it was we did consciously conceive. It was, you know, conscious conception is a, just complex thing in itself. And so the way we consciously conceived was that we knew we were ready to have a child, and we talked about it. And my husband was definitely, like, let's get pregnant now. Let's just have a child now. And I was the practical one. I was like, no. Let's wait for you to be finished with school because he was trying to finish college for, like, the, I don't know, second or third time. Nothing. No. Finish school, then I won't have a baby. And so, I remember the day that we conceived and it was just beautiful. There were these rainbows everywhere from this sun catcher. And on the day of his final exam, I took a pregnancy test and I was pregnant.
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And so I was like, oh, well, you're finished with school. It's your last exam. And so, yeah, that first pregnancy, I wanted a home birth, but I felt like I didn't have the money to be able to have a home birth. I, was on Medicaid with, like, pregnancy Medicaid. And so with that, hospital birth is free. Well, and let me let
Speaker 1
me just stop you real quick and just say Mhmm. I think it's important when we talk about this to say or or to identify that when you say that you didn't have the money for a home birth, really what you're saying is you didn't have the money for a midwife.
Speaker 2
Correct.
Speaker 1
Right?
Speaker 2
Yes. Yeah. I felt like I could not afford to pay a midwife, and so my only other option was the the how I this is how I perceived it to be that my only other option was to birth in the hospital. And I did find a nurse midwife who I really did enjoy. And so, you know, maybe looking back, if I hadn't found someone that I did connect with and, like, I might have pursued having a home birth more. But I did end up birthing in a birthing center. And, you know, I actually I was introduced to the idea of free birthing during that pregnancy. I got a book by, Janine Parvati Baker Mhmm. Called Prenatal Yoga. And she also has written a book Hygieia Mhmm. Which is an herbal book. And so I had this book that, she had unassisted home births with all of her children and she was a midwife. And so I read her book and that's when I realized that I was going to have an unassisted birth or a free birth. But with my first pregnancy, I told myself that I was not ready. And that was my journey. I I think it's amazing that so many women with their first pregnancies do end up having a free birth. But for myself, it just wasn't in my, consciousness. Like, I just wasn't ready for that. But it did plant the seed and I knew that it was going to be a part of my journey at some point. So, I did end up I had a beautiful pregnancy and I I did have, you know, so many people would say that my birth was great and wonderful and in a lot of ways, it was. But it was the little things that, that really got me to know that I was not ever going to choose to birth in a hospital again. And a lot of it was during my third trimester with the prenatal care. I measured small. My fungal height Mhmm. Started to measure small, and my midwife had just recently experienced the stillbirth, so she was extra cautious. Oh, god. And I kept yeah. Yeah. She was yeah. She was just worried about everything. And, I kept telling her that I felt like the baby was perfectly fine. I wasn't worried at all. I am a very tall person and have a very long torso, and I felt that the baby was far down in my pelvis. And I kept telling her, no. I think the baby's just low down. I don't think it's anything to be concerned about. And, ultimately, she really did talk me into having an ultrasound, which I did not want, and to also have non stress test for the end of my pregnancy.
Speaker 1
Which is more ultrasound, essentially.
Speaker 2
Right. And it's it's so funny that it's called a non stress test because it was They're so stressful. To me. Yeah. Of
Speaker 1
course. Well, because they're not they're not talking about they're not talking about you. They have this non evidence based, you know, potentially harmful practice of how to determine if the baby is in stress or not, which is a completely ridiculous system, you know, to just Right. Throw ultrasound on the baby for twenty, you know, minutes and look at the strip and have that be the determinant, you know. And, of course, everyone gets recommended induction.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And it was it was just it was the only stressful part of my pregnancy Okay. Was that part. Mhmm. And, you know, I didn't feel aligned with it. I didn't want it. I remember just crying on the phone to mid the midwife one evening. She definitely, you know, of course well, she didn't force me, and I knew it was my choice. But I really did it to please her. Mhmm. She wouldn't have wanted me to do it for that reason, but I that was, like, the first decision that I made that was not what I wanted. And it didn't feel good, and it caused a lot of stress and a lot of emotional turmoil, and I knew that the next time was going to be different. And, again, I had a a wonderful birth, but then there was just the little things. I it was there it was right before the pushing stage when I was finally ten centimeters, and I had envisioned squatting and pushing my baby out. Mhmm. And she asked me to lay on the table so that she could have access. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Of course.
Speaker 2
Lay on my back. Oh. And when you're in that yeah. And when you're in that state, like, at the end of transition, when you're, like, transitioning then into the pushing stage, you just you're so vulnerable. So I just listened to her and I got Of course. On the table.
Speaker 1
But also, let me let me just say that there is no point in a woman's life where we want to hear, get up on the table so that I can have access. I mean, that is just, like, let's just pause there that that was ever spoken to you and to most of us. We've heard that, you know, whether it's in, you know, OB GYN setting or or in even in a sexual setting. I don't know. I mean, I I never want someone to say get up on that table so that I can have access to your body.
Speaker 2
Yes. Yes. And and it was not comfortable. And, really reflecting back, I think that a lot of the reason that I that it was so strenuous and painful to push my baby out was because of the position I was in. And, also, I really think I was told to start pushing before my body was naturally ready. Like, yes, I was fully open in ten centimeters, but, really, now I know that there's that pause Yeah. In between where your body rests and builds up energy before it is ready to then push the baby out. Mhmm. And so, again, like, my birth was overall I I it wasn't enormously traumatic or anything, but I am a person that has always craved freedom in my choices and my decisions. And I'm also very intuitive and just knew what my baby and my body needed. And when that was questioned and not honored, I just knew that with my next pregnancy, I would be doing it all myself. And so two year I guess yeah. Two and a half years after I had my first baby, I got pregnant again. And I knew for sure that I was going to birth unassisted. And even though I had read well, really, I had read Janine's book and her stories, and that's the only thing I knew about free birth, about unassisted birth.
Speaker 1
What's her book?
Speaker 2
With her stories in her book, I like, it it wasn't a time in my life when I was really on the Internet that much. Like, it was kinda just starting to, and my daughter's four. It wasn't that long ago, but still there was I wasn't on social media much, and so it wasn't something that I knew other stories about. And I did find, during my pregnancy, I found it's a pretty popular book called Unassisted Childbirth, maybe.
Speaker 1
Mhmm. By Laura Shandling.
Speaker 2
Laura. Yes. Mhmm. I did find that book. I think I, like, Googled and found that book and I ordered it and read it. So that was a big help to read her book. And I knew that I was going to not seek out a mid a midwife and just do it myself and my husband was completely on board. He had no doubt. He's a very, he's a real trusting guy and knew that we could do it. And so
Speaker 1
So what did that pregnancy look like? Did you
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah. What did it what did it what did prenatal care look like for you in that pregnancy?
Speaker 2
Yeah. So I had told my I had made an agreement with myself in the very beginning of my pregnancy that I didn't want any prenatal care unless I felt that something was wrong. And I trusted myself enough and felt that I was just going to know if I did need to Mhmm. See anyone. And I really just I didn't wanna be messed with. I wanted to be left alone, and I wanted that freedom.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Totally. Yeah. And you saw you saw what you were gonna get if you went back to that same system.
Speaker 2
Correct. And I just knew that birth could that I knew that the woman myself, that really all I needed was my own intuitive connection Mhmm. To what was going on in me. And just really did not believe that so many of the common testing procedures gave accurate information. I still believe that. And I wanted to I wanted to be able to just be with myself, with my baby, and be pregnant. For that entire pregnancy, I really I just had the unassisted childbirth book to inspire me, And I had a midwifery I had Anne Fry's midwifery book. I think it was the pregnancy one that, I was just obsessed with reading. I just wanted to know everything I could. And then I meditated every day, really, multiple times a day and listened to my body. And I'm an herbalist, so I worked with the plants a lot during that time and just felt really great and knew completely without a doubt that everything was fine with baby and that I was healthy and strong and that my baby was that I was going to be able to birth my baby. And labor came, and, again, I had a wonderful birth. So one thing about all three of my births really is that I have drawn out labors
Speaker 1
Like what?
Speaker 2
And really get in I yeah. So I have kinda on and off labor for a couple days before it really starts to where it really just, gets me mentally. Like, it gets my mind thinking, oh, this is it. And then it stops and the disappointment sets in.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And so it's interesting because it really it was with all three of my births. I had the same lesson, the same pattern that I had to overcome this, like, these mental humps to just allow labor to happen.
Speaker 1
There's always something And so
Speaker 2
yeah. Yeah. It's yeah. And so I had my second birth was my shortest labor, and I think I began contractions maybe four in the morning. And I gave birth to her at twelve o six AM, like, the next morning.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
So it was, over twelve hours, but that was mostly, like, contractions once every hour for a while, but they were strong contractions. And I birthed her in the bathtub. And I'm thinking back on my labor. My daughter was there. I had my friend from Australia hung out with her outside. It was summertime.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And so they were outside in the yard. It was just like they looked like little fairies running around out in the yard and my husband was out with them. And I just wanted to be alone for most of my labor. And I was in the bathtub a lot. I was up just kinda like dancing and moving, and it was just real slow and gentle. There wasn't a lot of you know, my contractions were real far apart. And so that's the one thing I remember with that labor was that, towards the end, it was maybe seven or eight at night. My contractions finally started to get a little more intense, but they didn't necessarily get closer together. And so I remember sitting in the bathroom and just being like, you know, I am kinda getting tired. I can't really sleep through this because it's getting more intense, but they're not getting closer together. And I remember back from to my first birth and how just one on top of the other, just wave after wave of intensity, it got towards the, the final stretch and with this labor, it never got like that. I could have a conversation a normal conversation the whole entire time and I even sometimes I wonder if I had had a midwife there or someone who really knew birth and was there to hold space for me if I would have been able to let go a little bit more and go more to that place. But I knew that I was in charge and I was more responsible because I was the one there that knew birth Mhmm. The best then. Yeah. Knew my body. And I knew nothing was wrong, but I was getting tired. And just that doubt started to arise of, well, maybe I maybe I don't know what I'm doing. Like, is this baby ever gonna come? It's been a while. I thought I was gonna have her by now. Mhmm. Because that's another thing. All through my pregnancy, I had visualized this quick labor. And as of this labor, I'm gonna have a fast labor. This baby is gonna come so fast. And that's what birth does to you is show you the opposite of what you think it's gonna be like so that you can experience and learn and really be on a journey. So I got to a point where I was really doubting if I was going to be able to do it. And not because it was too painful, but it was it wasn't even really that rational. I remember sitting in the tub, and my husband came in to check on me. And I was like, I I don't know if I can do this anymore. Like, I it doesn't seem like things are happening. It doesn't seem like things are picking up. And but I can't, like, go to sleep and rest, and I don't know what to do. And he was so great. He looked at me and said, maybe you just need a change of scenery. Why don't you get out of the tub and come into the bedroom? I was like, Yeah. I think that sounds good. So he helped me out of the tub and I went into the bedroom and I got onto the bed and I asked him to bring me that was another book I had. It's called Heart and Hand. Mhmm. And I asked him to bring me that book, and he brought me the book. And I looked up Prolonged Labor and was reading, like, what you do in Prolonged Labor. And I was thinking, oh, gosh. I'm gonna have to, like, go to the hospital and get an epidural because things aren't happening and I'm getting tired. And then all of a sudden, I felt felt this just amazingly strong sensation and it had me up in a squat on the bed and all of a sudden my baby just dropped and my water broke. So I was in transition. Like Yeah. You know, that's why I had started to doubt and wonder what was going on because I was in transition. And that's what that phase of labor really brings you to, like, the edge of all your fears, all your doubts, like, everything for you to just work through it and do it anyway. And so her head had she had dropped, and her head was coming out. And so I said, help me to the bathtub because we I wanted to have a water birth. And so my husband was helping me to the to the bathtub, and I was like, go get Gabby. Go get Iris because that's my friend and my daughter, and I really wanted my daughter to witness this birth. And she was asleep, so, my daughter was woken up and everyone came into the bathroom, this tiny little bathroom. And I was pushing my daughter out, and there was not enough water in the tub. We had a couple inches in the tub. We were trying to fill it thinking we had yeah. We thought we were gonna have more time. Yeah. Last time, it had taken so much longer to push her out. And so I'm squatting in the bathtub, but there's not enough water and she's coming out. I'm just, like, pushing her out. And so my husband and I are just, like, holding her up out of the water. And I think in, like, two or three pushes, she's out, and she's perfect and beautiful. And my husband and I called her together. It was so sweet, and I got out of the tub to just get more comfortable and was just holding her. And I knew she was okay, but I was just just, like, watching her and making sure that
Speaker 1
she was,
Speaker 2
you know, coloring up and that everything was good. And, she started nursing pretty much right away. And so I do remember the placenta being, like, the most uncomfortable part while I was sitting holding her, I had wanted to wait to cut the cord until my placenta was out. And we waited, I think, about forty five minutes, and I just couldn't take it anymore because it was, like, kinda hard to hold her while the cord was still connected and my placenta was not out yet. And so I do remember we cut the cord, and I took some, motherwort, which I really love. And my placenta then finally came out and then I was just in heaven with my baby.
Speaker 1
I bet. Oh, I love that story. It's so it's so sweet. It's so, like, it I feel like it's almost the the the most, like, classically simple and sweet birth story in that it still pushed you. It still brought you to questioning the hospital and the epidural and, you know, questioning if you can do it and and taking you right to that edge and then all of a sudden, your birthday, your sweet little baby. Yeah. I love it.
Speaker 2
And that that's such a beautiful and perfect description because she the my daughter, that baby, her name is Chaya Rose, and she's just this little sweet, like, fairy girl. And so her birth is just completely who she is. Mhmm. Yes. And my third was completely different. So my second, we consciously conceived as well in a completely different way than the first. And then with my third, she was she was my complete surprise.
Speaker 1
Yes. How long later?
Speaker 2
I yeah. So let's see. Three years later. Yes.
Speaker 1
And did you, like, did you think that you guys were maybe done having kiddos? Or what was the surprise? Like, you just weren't quite calling in
Speaker 2
to know. I right. I knew that I was gonna have another child. I knew I was gonna have three children, but I was not ready at the time.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
So my oldest was five, my youngest was three, yeah, three. We my husband and I had we were in the middle of building a tiny home, a little off grid cabin. We were living in the forest, roughing it. We were in the middle of this stressful build. Our relationship was basically falling apart because of the stress of building and how we were living. And I also I was in this crisis, like this internal crisis not knowing what my path was for my work. I thought I was meant to be a doula and work with women and birth and I had, like, hit so many walls trying to do that work that I had finally thrown in the towel and said, I give up. That's just not what I'm meant to do. Mhmm. And really separated myself from, the work I have been doing with, with birth and really with the plants and the stones is what I do. And so all that stuff had fallen apart. Like, my whole life seemed like it had fallen apart and I got pregnant.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
In the midst of, like, the most stressful time of my life. Oh my god. I got pregnant with my third baby. And so that's how it was a surprise. Like, we it it was one of those moments where you are, like, things can't get any worse than this and then you throw a pregnancy in. And once we, like, accepted though that we were pregnant and we, actually left our building project and moved into a rental house, everything shifted. Like, I I we knew clearly that this baby was bringing us so many gifts and so many blessings that we had almost been stubborn about. And this baby was, like, steering us back onto our path. Mhmm. And so it was my third pregnancy was my hardest pregnancy. I had pretty easy pregnancies and felt great, didn't have much morning sickness at all. And with this third baby, I think with all the stress of my life and I was working, like, all these different odd jobs and my husband was working a lot and I had two other children. My oldest was in kindergarten, which was this whole just new thing for us, and I never thought I would put my kids in school. I thought I would homeschool and she was doing, like, the public school thing. And I had a three year old who was very, she's just very emotionally needy and, like, in a beautiful way. And it was a tough pregnancy. I had morning sickness really for the first time, like, it was my first experience really with feeling sick during the first trimester. And I I remember I worked at the store. I would have my three year old with me at my friend's consignment store for, like, close to eight hour days and on my feet and was not very present with that part of my pregnancy. This was kind of more in the beginning because there are so many adjustments that we were making in our external life. I wasn't able to tune in to this baby as much as I did with my first and my second.
Speaker 1
Well, of course. You had so much going on. Oh my gosh. Even just the Yeah. Yeah. The lit when it's living stress, like your home and your partner, oh, that's like everything goes off kilter.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And it was, like, in that survival mode, like, for real in survival mode. Yeah. And so I I was I've come to the place where I was so happy that I was pregnant. Just felt like it was the right thing for us and that this baby really did come at the perfect time and as a blessing. But, physically, it was just hard to have enough energy to do all the things I needed to do and to try to eat well and all of that.
Speaker 1
And be a parent to two other kids.
Speaker 2
And be, yeah, and be a parent to do all the things. It's like all the things. Yeah. And so I knew I was gonna have another unassisted birth. That was not any question for me or my husband. We knew that we were going to do things the same way. But I did seek prenatal care during this pregnancy, and I I don't really know why. There wasn't really a like, I think I need it type thing. I wonder if I was even just curious, the town I was living in at the time. I had lived there for a long time. And the, the birthing midwives, the nurse midwives had all kinda shifted and changed. So I I think I was even interested, like, curious just to even know what prenatal care was like for most women to get an idea, to to just have a baseline understanding of what was going on in the community.
Speaker 1
But didn't you argue with your first, though?
Speaker 2
No. Because like I said, this was, like, completely like, things had shifted so much in the community that it was it's like everyone had come together and joined forces in this way that was almost, like, you know, a little bit not completely forced, but just they all joined forces in this way. And so I I did seek care. I saw it it it was one of those situations where you didn't see the same midwife. They rotated through. So each prenatal appointment, you saw someone different. And I think I went maybe three or four times, and every time it's it's like, why am I even coming here? There was no like, I didn't get anything out of it. It was it's interesting to look. I think it was because I was so I had so much going on in my life. I didn't feel like I could tune into my body as much. Yeah. But the funny thing is is that, like, getting prenatal care didn't necessarily help me in that area. It was more just this thing. I I did it and, it wasn't very satisfying, but it also like, I didn't do anything that I didn't want to.
Speaker 1
But it sounds like maybe in in such a kind of topsy-turvy time in your life, maybe just having someone where you it was a way to connect, and it was a way to be like, I'm doing something for this pregnancy, and I'm checking in with a woman. And I don't know. I mean, maybe it wasn't very fulfilling, but maybe it was like filling this, you know, like, yeah, like, just seeing somebody and putting energy towards the pregnancy, I think, can have value.
Speaker 2
Definitely. Definitely. And it did it did help me also I I mean, I really think it helped me understand, like, what, what prenatal care even was. Because with my second, I didn't have any. And so it gave me that understanding and reminded me that, yeah, that it just really wasn't something that I needed. And I think I stopped seeing, the midwives around I think it was around maybe thirty weeks or sometime around there. I stopped seeing the midwives, and I also, I stopped working was a big thing. It was the last trimester of my pregnancy. I shifted a lot in my life because I I I'm not completely sure, but I felt like it maybe would be the last time I was pregnant, and it had gone so quickly. I didn't wanna miss the very end. Like, I wanted to be able to be present with my pregnancy. And so I I quit my little job that I was doing and chose yeah. I chose to just stay home. It was kind of a a risk. We were, you know, I had to cut back our finances for that time, but it was really important to me. And I began to get serious about creating medicines with the stones and with crystals. And so this is something I had been doing my whole pregnancy for myself, but I Yeah.
Speaker 1
Tell me about it.
Speaker 2
Finally had the time. Yeah. I finally had the time and the space that I could really do the work that I was feeling so called to do while that being was inside of me, the little baby that I was growing. And she's a little stone baby. Her name's Opal. She named herself. And so I spent the last few months of my pregnancy just completely immersed in stone medicine and the stone.
Speaker 1
So can you explain that a little bit? Like, what is stone medicine, and what does it even mean to be immersed in the stones? That's probably a very new, you know, concept for a lot of listeners.
Speaker 2
Right. Right. Yeah. So I always have had stones around me my whole life. Even as a child, I had, like, a stone collection. Just always had stones with me. But what I was doing during this time is I was creating elixirs with the stones, with the crystals, and I did this through, different processes. But, in sacred ceremony, I would create grids with stones which basically are just patterns that like sacred geometrical patterns with the stones, and then certain stones would be placed into water. And so if anyone is familiar with flower essences or homeopathy, it's similar in that way where it's vibrational medicines and the vibration of the the thing, so for what I was doing with the stones, is transferred into the water molecule. And, so this is what I focused on for that whole last bit of my pregnancy were these downloads that I received of formulas of stones that were specifically for pregnant birthing and postpartum women. And really, I created many I've created most of the postpartum remedies while I was postpartum. So a lot of what I was doing during this third trimester of pregnancy was working with the, the being in my womb creating these formulas for pregnant women and then also preparing for my birth. And so with the stones, they work with our consciousness. They're extremely conscious beings and they're full of so much light. I mean, anyone who picks up a crystal can see Mhmm. Just, like, how much light is infused into a crystal. And so then when they are placed in the water in this way and their frequency is transmitted into the water, that water is then this sacred medicine that can be used internally to create these, like, conscious awakening Mhmm. In the person who is ingesting the water. And so what this can help with, there's so many things that the stones can help with, but some of the really, like, most important aspects of stone medicine is that they the stones can really help one to shift out of, thought and emotional patterns that are self destructive or limiting and into new patterns and the stones do this by bringing in more light to the cells and to your being and awakening or like lighting up aspects of ourselves that we weren't previously aware of. So it's like bringing what's in our subconscious into our consciousness to be able to understand ourselves better and then use that information to create new ways of being in like new patterns in our life.
Speaker 1
Beautiful.
Speaker 2
And so with yeah. And so with birth, this is so important because birth is all about, like, bringing what is in the subconscious into our consciousness while we're in labor and while we're birthing. Like, it brings so much up that we as a woman get to, like, I see it as an opportunity, like, this blessing that in labor, we get to explore and like journey through these layers of ourselves and have the opportunity to, to like transcend and work through and really, like, embody even more of who we are. And so the stones can really help in this process, especially because it's so aligned with what the process of labor and birth innately is.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Totally. Yeah. I, yeah. I mean, you obviously know this. You sent me some of those, do you call them tinctures?
Speaker 2
I call them elixirs.
Speaker 1
Okay. Elixirs.
Speaker 2
I make tinctures as well out of plants, but these are more vibrational elixirs.
Speaker 1
Yeah. That's a better that it's a more suited word for sure. Yeah. And you sent me, maybe five of them, maybe even six, and they were so sweet to play with. And and, you know, like, I I had them all up on my counter, and I would try a different one depending on my mood, and then I moved, a couple of them next to my bed. I think the heart one and the milk milky one, I had next to my bed. And
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
Sometimes in the middle of the night when I was nursing and, you know, Johnny was asleep next to me, I would just see them when I'd go to get the water. And you had encouraged me to take a breath at before I put it on my tongue and to just take a moment and invite it in and be with it. And, you know, if if in my mind, you know, before I really tuned into it, I was like, if nothing else to literally just set that moment of breath, you know, with intention is always Yeah. You know, always a good thing. And, yeah, it was nice. It was it was cool to just I think, again, if if nothing else, because I don't know how, like, sensitive I was attuned to them, but I did notice whenever I would play with them that in the minutes or hour, you know, afterwards, I just had a heightened awareness of whatever that elixir was for. And so, yeah, it felt like, you know, a little drop of magic every time that I tuned in with it. And it was it was cool. And like I told you before we were recording, I passed them on to a a mama on the island who had just decided to free birth right when I left. So I'm excited that, you know, this this sacred medicine's getting passed on to somebody else to to play with and explore. And, yeah, thank you for sending that. It made me feel very loved that someone I hadn't met just sent this special birthday magic, you know, my way and in way of these elixirs. Oh,
Speaker 2
you're so welcome. And I love that you say just bringing that element of magic because I really do say that my elixirs are magic and water. And, and really they are the the taking the elixirs in itself is just an amazing way to pause.
Speaker 1
Exactly. And
Speaker 2
like you said, take take those breaths and a ritual to make sure that you're paying attention and also opening yourself to receive. And then also just grounding and connecting to yourself as well. See, there's so many gifts in the stones and and then the with the elixirs, they're so easy to take as well. So, that'll bring me into my birth when I was taking my elixirs during my throughout my birth, I was able to just have my set that I created right there with me. And when I felt called to need a certain, like, shift in my energy, I could just grab it and take the drops because it's that easy Mhmm. To take them. Yeah. Beautiful.
Speaker 1
So did you have them sorry if I missed this. Did you have them already made by the time like, made for you by the time your third was born?
Speaker 2
I did. Yes. So I had created my pregnancy collection, which I've named the Moon Goddess collection. Mhmm. And I created my Woman of Power collection, which is the collection for birth. So I had made those two, and I had also made a couple of the postpartum ones just knowing from experience what I would need, but then some of those came later. But, yeah, I had created the there's five elixirs for birth. And I had them created and beautifully labeled and, like, already in my birthing necessities, which was very minimal. It's like herbal tinctures, stone elixirs, and, sterilized scissors, I think.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And a towel.
Speaker 2
And towels. Yeah.
Speaker 1
I love it. Like, when people are like after. Yeah. What is the supply list that I I have to have? I'm like, towels. You just need towels. That's literally all you need. Everything else is optional.
Speaker 2
My yeah. My biggest supply list really is, like, everything I wanted to have on my altar Mhmm. And the elaborate stone grid that I made before I went into labor and then having food in the fridge. That's the most important.
Speaker 1
That's true. I guess people do need water and food as well. Yes.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Water and food. Those are important.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So tell me the story.
Speaker 2
So right. Right. So my third my third baby, my baby, Opal, so she was you know, it's it's so fuzzy to think of, like, the beginning of labor, at least for the way my birth words. It's So, like, that beginning of labor is like, well, I don't really know when it happened because I did have with all of my labors off the on and off, start and stop of contractions. And I was actually reading my birth story of her birth before talking with you, Emily, and realized how much I had forgotten about her birth. Really? I'm glad I read about it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when when I read it, of course, I'm like, oh, yes. That happened. But just, like, real significant things that came up that I hadn't thought about for a while. And so one thing is that I started labor. It must have been, like, a Friday. And it was, like, in the afternoon, I had started labor, and it was just kinda it was similar to my first or yeah. My first unassisted birth where, it was slow and gentle and contractions would just come occasionally, but I could tell that they were, definitely labor contractions getting my body ready, kinda just that early labor. And they were continuing to just kinda pick up. And I was pretty sure that labor had started and that things were moving along. And then my kids seemed like they were sick. And I began to worry. So this is me getting into my mental Mhmm. Pattern, my mental stuff. And they I just could tell something was off. And so I started to kinda worry, like, okay, if I'm in labor and my kids are sick, like, what's that gonna look like? How am I going to manage all of this? I remember laying down with one of my daughters. It was bedtime and I laid down. I was still having and this by regular contractions, it's like maybe every forty five minutes or half hour. But with my last my previous labor, my whole labor had been that way. Like, my contractions never got closer together than twenty minutes apart Mhmm. Until, like, the very, very end. I think they got maybe ten minutes apart. So I didn't know what was going to happen. And I remember laying down with one of my children and, we fell asleep and I would kinda wake up and have a contraction every now and then. And we were sleeping. I'm trying to remember what happened. One of my daughters, it was crazy. One of my daughters, I think it yeah. It was my oldest, I think, woke up with a crazy fever. Crazy fever. This was maybe midnight. She woke up with a crazy fever. I can't remember if she threw up or if it was just she didn't feel well and was, like, hot and awake. And so I started to worry, like, oh, I can't be in, like, I can't be in labor and have this baby while my kids are real sick. And then my other child woke up right after with double ear infections. Like, it was both of her ears. She was, like, screaming. Like, both of her ears hurt. And I'm here thinking that, you know, I might have a baby because I I was still having those contractions that were really strong and they had started coming a little closer together and, you know, my kids were both needing me because, of course, you know, papa tries and he's there, but the kids still need his mama. And so I felt pretty overwhelmed and
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2
Began to really be concerned. I was like, okay. Well, you know, my body will just do what my body needs to do. But then that other voice would be like, how is this gonna work? Like, this can't happen. I can't give birth and have both my kids, like, this sick and all. And so, basically, they my kids fell back asleep. I was still having occasional contractions, but they had kinda tapered off. And by the morning time, I remember waking up, you know, I had had just on and off little bit to sleep through the night. I remember waking up and being like, okay. This isn't gonna happen. Like, my body shut down, like, knew that it wasn't the right time. And, you know, that's the thing with labor and birth. It's like there's so many unknowns and there's so many mysteries with it. And so I don't know if that whole time period that I was thinking, okay, this is it. This is labor, really was just like a practice session or if my baby was like, okay. We're gonna I'm gonna come soon. And then her sisters woke up and my body and baby were like, oh, no. We're gonna wait. You know? I I don't know for sure Intelligent. What would have happened. Yeah. But, my body did stop labor and I think it was maybe not until then the next day. So I went a whole day of just kinda having some, like, practice contractions throughout, but nothing to where, I felt I was in labor again until the next day when things did finally pick up again. So that was Sunday by that time when, again, I was like, okay. I'm starting labor. This is good. My kids are feeling better because they they were feeling better. And, like, this can happen now. I'm ready. Like, I'm glad it didn't happen two days ago. Mhmm. And now let's do it. And, you know, it was my third baby. I thought for sure that it was going to be, you know, quicker maybe not quicker than the second, maybe. I I didn't know for sure, but I wasn't expecting it to be as drawn out as it ended up being. Sure. And I did have two women with me. They were friends of mine and I one of them there just they are two of my best friends and knew my household. They knew my family. They knew my girls so well. They basically were family that I felt comfortable having them in my space to just help hold the household together so that I could focus on my baby
Speaker 1
That's awesome.
Speaker 2
And my birth. And so they were there. They took care of my two kids. They made food for everyone. They made tea for me. When I did, I remember them first coming and I thought that I was going to have a baby pretty soon because I was just in that mental state of of, oh, this is my third labor and so this is how it was last time, so I'm gonna have my baby.
Speaker 1
Totally. Of course. You've got it in the bag.
Speaker 2
It ended up. Yeah. Yeah. It ended up not going that way at all. So my two friends come over and as soon as they come into my space and they don't even come into my room. I mean, they just, like, come into my house and they're so quiet and so respectful, and they know me so well. But I remember laying in bed and just being like, I don't want anyone here. And I think I knew then that, things weren't gonna happen as quickly as I was hoping they were because I was ready to have my baby. And so I remember telling my husband, like, just keep them out there. I just want my space. I wanna be alone. And so I was. I was alone for, really a lot of hours. I mean, I I had another just drawn out labor where it was just so beautiful and peaceful when I wasn't wanting to rush the process. I did a lot of meditating and just really calling on my spirit guides and just all these beautiful experiences that I that with baby, I was would be just, like, laying in bed and listening to this beautiful music and we would, like, journey into the earth and, like, journey through the forest and do all the we actually did all of these earth healing, like, kinda out of body earth healing together, this baby and I, while I was slowly having these, just like full body sensations, like contractions. We were journeying all over the earth doing these healings. And so this took a while. It was probably five hours that I was either laying in the bed or in the bath and just going on these beautiful journeys and allowing myself to just be in the moment and accept that my labors were just peaceful and restful and that I was in this space of, you know, this really internal space, like, wanting to be to my to myself and just wanting to not be bothered. Mhmm. And at the same time, being able to explore like, get to know this being inside of me and ex going these explorations. And so whenever I would start to have the worry creep in of, well, when are things gonna shift? Like, why aren't things happening? I want things to happen so I can just say that I have my baby. And I remember also thinking, like, I'm the super birthing woman. Shouldn't I just be able to have my baby quickly if I'm to be, you know, a good birthing woman? And just all these thoughts that started creeping in And every time I would have these thoughts creep in, I would get a message to relax and just be with the in between, be with the pauses, and then that was my personal gift of labor was this lesson and this learning to be patient and be within the in between and, like, find the gifts and the blessings in those pauses, in those spaces.
Speaker 1
And you were able to access that in the labor?
Speaker 2
I was. I was. Yeah. And, you know, throughout this, I was also taking the stone elixirs that I made and so that helped me to shift back into, like, shift out. For me, it was a lot of mental stuff because that just is, a tendency of mine. And so when I found that I would begin to think too much about the process and, like, analyze things and try to, pick apart, like, what was going on and figure out a solution and what I was supposed to do, that's when I would take the stone elixir that really called to me at the time, and it would then help me to drop back in and shift into being in the gift of labor and being present in the moment and surrendering to allowing my, my body to just do its thing and me not try to control it because that was what I noticed, but I kept trying to control the situation. Mhmm. And so the elixir really helped me to just, a little more quickly shift out of that back into just being with what was going on. Things went on and I remember, at one point, my water finally broke, and it was different than my other two. Where my other two, my water broke just such intense sensation right before I pushed my babies out. And with this one, my water broke, but it was just like a trickle. And I was like, oh, okay. Maybe labor is gonna happen. And it still took a while for things to pick up and get going, and I really you know, I I was just in the space of just resting and peace. And, finally, one one of the women who was there at my birth, she is in acupuncture school training, and she came over and rubbed some points on my leg. And something in that activated my labor and brought me into the deepening of my contractions. And I began to make with every contract contraction, I made these really deep, low wail noises. And I remember just feeling like I was embodying this mama whale with every contraction. And at one point, I just knew that it was time to get back into the tub. And, the baby, my whole pregnancy was a very watery soul. I just knew I was in the bath very often during my pregnancy, and I knew that she wanted to be born in the water. And so I got into the bathtub, and I had all my stones around me and, stones in the tub as well. And I think maybe an hour later so this was when my labor really had picked up and I think an hour about an hour, hour and a half labor later, I I remember thinking again, like, is this ever gonna happen? Like, what is holding me back? Is this ever going to happen? And so I began to visualize, her actually coming out. Mhmm. And I realized that I really was scared for that pushing sensation just remembering Mhmm. How much it did hurt for me. And so I realized that I was holding back because I was scared to go to that place. And so once I realized that, I was able to say, well, you know, you just gotta do it. Like, there's no way around it. You're gonna have to do it, so you might as well just do it now because you're ready to get your have your baby. Mhmm. And once I was able to say that to myself and I began to visualize her coming out, it was in a matter of minutes that, I shifted up. I was still in the bathtub. I remember shifting up into a squatting position and began pushing her out. And I have the funniest birthing video of me pushing the sweet baby out. Again, like, my husband came in. I wanted my children to be there, and so they came in. I had wanted my friend to take pictures of me, so she was there. And she took a video of me, and it's it's hilarious. It's such a I wanna see it. Real oh my god. It is a real real life birth video. It is not one of those, like, oh, that's so beautiful. I mean, of course, it's beautiful. I cry every time I see it. But I'm swatting, and my husband is has his hands in the water to catch the baby, which he really didn't need to be doing. But I think he was just so, like, oh my god. The baby's coming. He had his hands in the water to catch the baby, and he had his, fingers near my butt. And so it was you know, when you when something touches your butt, you kinda like clench. Yeah. And so, on the video, I'm telling him, like, stop touching my butthole.
Speaker 1
Oh my god. That's awesome.
Speaker 2
So that I could yeah. So that I could relax and because I was pushing her out, but, where his hands were, it was preventing me from being able to enjoy pushing her out. And so on the video, I'm telling him to move his hands away from my butt. And so he he does and she's like her head comes out and then some of course, I, like, poop a little bit in the water. And my friend's like, oh, we need to get the poop and scooping the poop out. And then the rest of her comes out and she's just out and it's beautiful. And I have that hilarious beautiful video, that will always remind me of you know, it really is for me, the lesson of just not being so serious and finding humor in the moment. Mhmm. Yeah. That's It's
Speaker 1
always a good reminder.
Speaker 2
Lesson. Yeah.
Speaker 1
You just gotta watch that video anytime you're having, like, a anytime you're having a hard time accessing your humor and just hear yourself scream, stop touching my body.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It's so sweet. I've only shown it to really good friends so far just because it's, definitely a vulnerable
Speaker 1
Yeah. Of course.
Speaker 2
A vulnerable video, but I wanted to share that just because that is, like, what birth can look like. It can look like scooping poop out of the water and Yeah.
Speaker 1
That's usually what it looks like.
Speaker 2
Can move its hands off of his off of your butthole.
Speaker 1
Well, that's like people will say all the time when people post, like, just the actual delivery, like, oh, I want a peaceful birth like that. And it's like, yeah. You did not see the, like, fourteen hours that went down before that, you know, it's Yeah.
Speaker 2
Birth as wild. It's just such it's just such a journey. Like, every woman's experience of birth, no matter what it looks like, is a journey for them. And you just until you're on that journey, you don't know what it's gonna look like and what it's gonna be like, but it is just perfect in its own way.
Speaker 1
Well, and I so appreciate how aware you are of the lessons you're learning with each birth, you know, and and to talk about it and, you know, that that that will be a part of the birth stories you pass down to your daughters is so special that they're they come with the lessons, you know, as will my daughter Yeah. And so many women that we have on this podcast. Just the awareness of your choices and what you've learned from your birthing experiences and the way you walk in the world, you know, because of it all is that's really what this is about. You know, it's so it really is the way of the wise woman, you know, to to hold the lessons that birth gives you and not just birth. I mean, life, every every facet of the way that we walk, you know, we're we're getting these just hugely deep, deep, and often challenging, you know, spiritual lessons and guidance. And you're clearly someone who listens to that and is able to put it into words. And, yeah. I love it. I love your stories. They all they I loved how Thank you. So different and and all just so sweet too.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I just loved it. Yeah. And I and I also you know what you just said a moment ago about just, like, the journey through life as well. And I just find it so fascinating how so many, big milestone experiences throughout my life have similar lessons to and, like, similar patterns to my labors and my birth. And I just find it so fascinating how, you know, our birth really can be, like, a metaphor for the, like, larger patterns in our life and these lessons Mhmm. That we have.
Speaker 1
Of course. Oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 2
Oh, thank you, Emily. Yeah. Thank you for holding the space for me and for so many other women.
Speaker 1
Yeah. It's so cool. You know? And I I just love how no birth story is the same and yet there are these similar lessons that we're all learning. And, you know, we learn different lessons in different births, you know, but I really resonated with a lot of what you learned in your second in your second birth. And, it's just gosh. It's such powerful work, all of this.
Speaker 2
It is.
Speaker 1
Well, thank you. I appreciate your time and excited to share this story. And, oh, and then also if anyone was resonating with the elixirs and and the stuff that you were sharing about the stones, where can they find you if they wanted to buy that and and learn more?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. So I I do have a website. My website is serpentine mama dot com, and I have my elixir there. I also have some other things that I do. And I really am working on a lot of content and writings, and I'm on Instagram as well where slowly because I do have three children. But slowly, I'm working on putting a lot more content up about stones and crystals and birth and mothering. And, yeah, I just really want to bring stone medicine back to the mother and back to birth and really, herbal medicine contains the stones in ancient Chinese medicine. The stones were considered herbs. Like, when the Chinese talked about herbal medicine, it they meant plants and stones and also different parts of animals as well such as antlers and bones. But, yeah, I'm I'm passionate about bringing the stones back to women's health and women's birth and
Speaker 1
Beautiful. So serpentine mothering. Mama dot com.
Speaker 2
Serpentine mama dot com.
Speaker 1
Perfect. Perfect. Cool.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2
Thank you, Emily.
Speaker 1
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
