Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in child childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emily
Speaker 1
Saldea. Are you craving a community of like minded women? Do you feel like an outsider in your family or your community? Well, I may have the place for you. We have a Freebird Society private online community that's full of radical and wild women just like you. If you resonate with the topics that we explore on this podcast and wanna belong in a circle of women who support each other in the self exploration of free birth and wild mothering, come join us. You can apply online at our website, free birth society dot com. It's where myself and my team are hanging out these days, and we would love to get to know you. After a terrible first birth in the hospital, Laura knew she would not return. She resolved to free birth at home with her second child and tells us of the awkward navigation it took being a military family choosing something so radical. Laura came to her own conclusion that to have a licensed midwife in a home birth would be bringing the hospital to her, which was something she did not want. What would have been a highly medicalized birth in the system became a normal and ecstatic birth at home, even with her child's growth restriction and tight double nuchal cord. Laura then free birthed her third child and tells us of her challenging recovery.
Speaker 2
I got pregnant really young. I got pregnant at nineteen. Okay. And about two months yeah. And about two months before that, my husband and I were talking about what, you know, where we were gonna go and what life was gonna look like for us. And we decided that he was gonna join the navy, and that was the best, like, option for us really. Like, that would house us, that would give us, you know, insurance and whatever. And, that would be a good, like, stable beginning for us. And so, so he started the process for that, and then we found out shortly after that I was pregnant. And so during that time, I really, the only, like, I guess not memories, but, like, the only thing that, like, stuck with me that I knew about childbirth because I didn't really know, like, you know, anything about it or I didn't, like
Speaker 1
Sure.
Speaker 2
It didn't interest me or, you know, like, stuff like that. Like, it wasn't something that I, like, you know, learned about in my spare time Mhmm. Was that one story when I was little, my friend told me she was like, my mom said that giving birth is the the most painful thing in the world. And, like, that was the only thing. Like, you know, like, my mom, you know, she just she had four babies naturally, like, at the hospital, but there was never, like, any, like, you know, description like that that just, like, stuck to me. And so that was the only thing, and I'm like, I can't I can't let it be like that. You know? Like, I can't I don't want it to be like that. Like, is that is that true? Like, is it really like that?
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And so, so yeah. So, basically, I started reading. I don't remember, like, where I came across home birth for the first time, but I remember just thinking, like, you know, it's crazy, like, how we don't know these things exist, like, before they do. You know? And so finally, I had figured it out, and I'm like, oh my god. People do this. Like, this is great. If people do this, then that must be a lie about it being, like, you know, the worst experience of your life. And so, so at the time, my husband was gonna be in boot camp when I was giving birth. And so I was living with my in laws, and I was like, well, I can't have a home birth, so I'll just I'll just do the hospital, and I'll just you know, I'm I'm educated. I know I need to defend myself. I you know, like, I've done some research, and I just went in crossing my fingers.
Speaker 1
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Speaker 2
So so boot
Speaker 1
so boot camp means he can't leave kinda thing?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Like, no. The only way you can talk is paper mail.
Speaker 1
Damn. That's hardcore.
Speaker 2
Okay. Yeah. Was it
Speaker 1
in the same state as you?
Speaker 2
No. He was in Illinois, and I was in Oregon.
Speaker 1
Okay. So you're and then why lastly, just why did you say, and I know I can't have a home birth? What was that piece?
Speaker 2
Oh, I just I just figured it wasn't in the books for me. I didn't try like, I wasn't I think if I woulda had well, in the insurance thing, you know, like, where it wasn't covered. And so I just kind of I didn't fight for it that badly. I just thought, well, you know, maybe maybe the second one or, you know, like, this is what's convenient now. You know? Like, you know, you don't go into it I mean, until you experience it or if you're, you know, next to someone, like, you don't really I don't know. Like, there's a level of ignorance. You know?
Speaker 1
Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I've always I've always said and thought, like, if if women could witness hospital births prior to being pregnant, the the amount of women that would choose it would drop dramatically.
Speaker 2
Yes. Yeah. It totally would.
Speaker 1
Okay. So you're like Yeah. Okay. My man's not gonna be there. I'm having a hospital birth, but I'm educating myself, and I'm gonna be able to hopefully navigate the system even though I'm becoming aware of it not being super great.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Yeah. And I decided to have my mom with me and my best friend. And my mom, of course, is I mean, she was fine. You know? She was supportive, but she wasn't, like she's not one to, you know, go against the grain and, like, you know, with the medical establishments and stuff. Like, she wouldn't which not I don't even think I really asked her, but, you know, like, she just she was just there for me, but she wasn't, like, a voice, you know, or, like, you know, like, what a husband would be.
Speaker 1
Mhmm. Not really. I mean, even that.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Right? Or what you would hope. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Husbands are, like in my experience, husbands are the most silent in hospital births,
Speaker 2
but but I hear
Speaker 1
what you're saying. Like, do Really? Someone to speak
Speaker 2
to them. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah. So, of course, I went in with my fingers crossed. It wasn't I can't say, like, you know, I wasn't cut without my my permission or, like you know, I didn't have some, like, super traumatic things happening, but, like, my mid my midwife, who is also, like, a friend of mine at the hospital, had some mandatory meetings, so she was gone the whole time. So I had this nurse who just super disrespectful, like, kept counting me, like, you know, I finally found my happy place in the tub, and my best friend's with me in there and, you know, just, yo, you're doing great. And, you know, and then she comes in, tells me I need to get out, and I'm like, I don't wanna get out. And then comes in ten minutes later, tells, no. You really need to get out. So I can't, like I just can't I which I find this is common, but, like, I can't stand up for myself in labor. Like, I can't say no even if I'm screaming no on the inside. Like, I physically can't tell them no, and I don't know why that is. But I didn't wanna get out and because she's like, you know, how far apart are your contractions? And I thought they were a few minutes apart and then found out they were, you know, a minute and a half every minute. And then decides that I need Pitocin. And then, of course, it goes downhill from there. Yeah. And then, yeah, within, like, twenty minutes, I'm crying for the epidural and Hell yeah.
Speaker 1
Gotta let go. No joke.
Speaker 2
I know. And they were a minute and a half long and a minute apart. Like
Speaker 1
Right. You didn't
Speaker 2
not need that. And it was just this nurse that just you know? And the whole thing from start to finish was only eight hours.
Speaker 1
It's so, like It's so interesting to me how aghast people are when I or whoever suggest that this is truly run as a business, and they literally wanna turn over the rooms. Like, it I guess it just sounds so evil that that is the that is one of the many incentives, but I've literally heard, you know, charge nurses barking at nurses, like, pit her, we need the room. It's a busy night. Like, get let's get shit going. You know, I just Yeah.
Speaker 2
Okay. I'm with you. I know. So yeah. So anyway, so the whole thing and she came out and whatever and, of course, you know, it's all dramatic at the end with the low heart rate and they stick this needle thing, that scalpel thing that they put in their head, you know, to tell their, heart rate. Mhmm. And so that, you know, it's like this little spiral, foldable That's screwing. They
Speaker 1
do their heads.
Speaker 2
Yes. It's screwing. Yes. That's the word. So yeah. So, of course, it's all dramatic at the end. Oh, we need to get her out because her heart rate's dropping and or we're gonna suction you. And I think that was the only time I think I've said that they said no. So, so she comes out, of course, and she's, like, you know, a little floppy and whatever. So they can't record right away, and then they take her away, and they put her they're saying that she's cold, and they put her under this lamp or whatever for, like, twenty fucking minutes. Yeah. And I'm, like, sitting there just, like, staring at her, like, again, like, internally, like, can I have my fucking baby? And finally, I said something after about twenty minutes, but I'm just, like, why is she over there when I'm right here? Like, because I'm
Speaker 1
not even warm
Speaker 2
under a light bulb. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, she needs to be naked on my chest.
Speaker 1
But again, I mean, this is what everything goes back to. When when you're birthing in a system that views women as broken machines and that their technology is better, then why would they put a naked baby on a naked mom when there's these machines, you know, that can
Speaker 2
I know? I know.
Speaker 1
Do something subpar. Ugh. I'm so sorry it
Speaker 2
happened to you. I know. It's so backwards. Yeah. It's okay. Let's see. So yeah. So so in that moment, like, that night, I was like, I'm never doing this again. Like, if I can help it, I will never be here again. And so, nine months later, I got pregnant with my second. Oh, wow. And yeah. And it was I mean, we had wanted them close together, but not, like, that close together. Yeah. But, you know, again, it only takes once. And, yeah. And so I'm like, okay. That's it. You just put a baby in me, and sure enough, there was a baby. And so, so I was really excited, though, because I was like basically, like, I just wanted I needed my, like, my my better birth. Like, I needed to breathe again, and I needed to, like, heal myself and know that there's something better out there, you know, that's not too traumatic and
Speaker 1
How did you feel in that year postpartum? It sounds like you had a real understanding of what bullshit was done to you.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It was really frustrating. I was really, like, just really angry that I couldn't speak up for myself. You know? Because, like, that whole time I was there, like, I wanted, like, I had this in like, this is when I discovered my instincts. I forgot to mention this. It was, like, I was in the bathroom and I just wanted to lock the door and I wanted to hide out in there until she was born. And it was, like, this inner voice that was just telling me to do that. And I was, like, what is this? You know? Like, in the time, you know, it's so confusing. But later, I'm, like, oh my god. Like, that was my instincts. That was, like, my inner, you know, whatever with them, like, telling me this is what you need to do to, you know, protect yourself. But, so so yeah. So that whole year, I was just mad that I didn't listen to myself really. But, you know, basically, just hoping that I could redeem Mhmm. You know, myself and my next baby and that it would be it would be better. Okay. So you're pregnant
Speaker 1
pretty soon after.
Speaker 2
Yes. And that pregnancy, again, both of them were were really, like, pretty easy. Like, I didn't really have any nausea. I didn't really especially with my son, I really just never, like I would forget that I was pregnant because I felt so good. And yeah. Which is hard to believe after being pregnant with my third, but, yeah, it was it was great. Like, everything was just smooth sailing, which was good because I had, you know, a little baby. Right. Same time.
Speaker 1
Gosh. Yeah.
Speaker 2
I know. So then I don't know how you did it.
Speaker 1
Walk me to how you go from a hospital birth into, like obviously, I know you free birth your second, but but what does that prenatal care look like? How did you get into free birth from that space?
Speaker 2
So from that, I said I started looking into, obviously, home birth again because I was like, okay. This is what I'm doing. And I started looking into midwives, and then I realized, like like okay. I'm like, okay. Well, what, you know, what does a midwife do, like, at home? Like, what can they do, you know, that you I can't do on my own, or what's different from a midwife in a hospital? And I basically came to my own conclusion that having a midwife was, like, bringing the hospital into your home. Wow. And I didn't want that. You know? Because they I read basically, I just read, like, so many stories and a big comment like, another thing I researched was transfer stories because I wanted to know what women why women were transferring. And for free birth, the number one thing that I came across was the mom felt something was wrong, and so she went in. And then the second thing was if there was a midwife there, it was the midwife wanting to transfer the mom against her will. And so I was just like, oh, okay. I'm not gonna have a midwife at all. Like, this is great. I don't have to deal with any of that, you know, because I thought I was gonna have to you know, apparently, there were some loopholes with the insurance and whatnot. And so I thought, like, I was gonna have to go through all that. And so I was like, oh, this is great.
Speaker 1
You're in California at
Speaker 2
this point. Mhmm. So this we're on base in, yeah, in Southern California. And so yeah. So I was like, how oh,
Speaker 1
wait. How how early in your pregnancy did you realize you were gonna do this without a midwife?
Speaker 2
Oh, like, by twelve weeks. Okay. Cool. Within my first yeah. It was within, like, my first couple weeks of reading that I that I came to the conclusion about the midwifery and all that. So So then It was really soon.
Speaker 1
So you just had a wild pregnancy that was fully autonomous?
Speaker 2
No. I I mean I mean, I saw no. I still saw someone. And that's another whole thing too, was that my first baby, she was fine, but they thought, because I dropped so early, they thought that her growth slowed down. When she came out, like, she was under six pounds, but she was, you know, she had, like, two inch long dark brown hair. She, you know, she looked totally she was totally ready. Like, she looked healthy. But with with my second pregnancy, and I still, to this day, I don't know why, but he I did have, like, growth restriction with him at the end. Oh, really? And I don't know why. Yes. And I I I I realized that I drank a lot of, like, what's that called? Red raspberry leaf, like, throughout the whole pregnancy. And, apparently, something I learned was it's a diuretic, which can affect blood volume expansion. So I don't know if that was it because his cord was thin, his his placenta was small, and he was under well, just about under five pounds. Mhmm. So he was a tiny little peanut. So who did you look.
Speaker 1
Who were you seeing for prenatal care with with your boy?
Speaker 2
Oh god. You're gonna die. A male with a male OB is what I was seeing, which he he actually was a nice guy, and he used to do home birth midwives, but I never told him my plan. Like, I saw him and he was like, well, you know, baby's small, baby should come out, you know, blah blah blah. And I'm like, no. I'm good. You know, like, I knew instinctively, like, my intuition was so strong with him that,
Speaker 1
Wait. Hold on.
Speaker 2
Hold on a sec. We gotta move on. Sorry. No. No. It's okay.
Speaker 1
I just gotta, like, contextualize this a little bit. So you you realized at whatever, like, first trimester that you're gonna birth at home without medical assistance, but then you also are seeking obstetrical care of the whole time knowing that you're gonna stay home? Like, tell me more about that because that's that's
Speaker 2
Yeah. That's a very I really I like the paper trail. It's really why I do it. I like the like, I don't know. It just helps me sleep better at night, you know? Because I'm like, that way, like, I have my eyes you however they say that. My eyes crossed in my she's or not. The other way around.
Speaker 1
You're like, I don't even know
Speaker 2
what these questions Where where the fuck it is?
Speaker 1
So then so okay. So you like the paper trail. You like the illusion of being in the system. But so then are you gonna have, like, an oopsies accidental kind of home birth, or or what's your plan when you're
Speaker 2
So no. I just didn't tell him. I mean, he was nice, and he didn't you know, I didn't do, like, a whole lot of tests or anything, but at the end, he started getting a little naggy because he was like, well, you know, they're only which they don't know anything at all about babies that don't, you know, grow on par. And so he's like, well, you know, we should induce you. You know, baby should come out. And I just, you know, I felt totally confident saying no. And so he's like, okay. You know, like, what's he gonna do? He didn't, like, threaten me or anything like that. And so, so, basically, my last
Speaker 1
That didn't, shake your decision at all?
Speaker 2
No. Not at all. Because I'll tell you why. We made my husband was, like, nervous the whole time. And so we which which his end was a whole it's a whole other story of the harassment that he was receiving from his command and all the people that were telling him that his wife was gonna kill his baby, which is a whole, yeah, a whole other thing.
Speaker 1
Because why? Because he wouldn't be induced?
Speaker 2
Oh, no. Because he told people that we're having the baby at home, you know, and I'm like, honey, no. You can't tell people that. You know? But he wanted to make sure that you know, because people are, like, saying it's illegal and stuff. You know? And so he he asked one of his uppers, and then, you know, somehow word got out. And then, yeah, he's getting all these harassment things. Like Mhmm. Yeah. So so he's coming home and he's like, oh my god. This guy said this and this guy said this. And I'm just like, no. No. No. I'm like, they're idiots. You know? Like, you you can't just stop talking. Like, stop telling people, you know, because then he he tried to defend me, you know, and say things and sometimes, like, he it wouldn't be accurate or something. I'd be like, no, honey. Just Just a little, Ellie, shut up. So but it sounds it sounds like
Speaker 1
he was on your team and he was supportive of your choice?
Speaker 2
He was. Yeah. He was, but he was nervous. And so, like, in the beginning, he's like, you know, he was worried about me and worried about the baby. And, basically, I I I mean, not to be rude, but, basically, I said you can you can join me or you can leave, but I'm gonna be doing this. And so, so after that, then, you know, he kinda settled into, okay. We're doing it, you know, or you're doing it, and I'll just Right. Be here. So much more
Speaker 1
women, you know, would would roll that way because, you know, I've said this before, but time and time again, when I hear stories like what you just said that when women are like, this is happening, you can join me or not. All of a sudden, when you take ownership over being a leader, which you are whether whether you admit it or not, if you're the pregnant woman about to birth your baby, you are the leader. Again, whether Yeah. Is it or your husband realizes it or not, it's it's just true. And so, I love hearing those stories of women being like, yeah, you can join me or not, but this is happening because one hundred percent of the time that I have heard women tell me those stories, the husbands or the partners are like, okay, cool. I'm on board.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I know. I feel like those women truly, like, I feel like if they like, if they were one hundred percent wanting Mhmm. To have the baby at home, like, I feel like that would be their answer, you know. Like, it always seems a little fishy to me.
Speaker 1
Yep. Exactly.
Speaker 2
I think
Speaker 1
that there is definitely a bypass of responsibility occurring when women are blaming their husbands or their partners, and it's like, well, actually, if you really wanted to do it and you were committed to it, you would do it. And so Right. You know, and I mean, there is also whatever is transpiring is going to probably be in keeping with the dynamic of the relationship. Right? So, you know, if if the partner is the leader and he or, you know, she, but usually, it's a he, you know, that tries to sabotage the dynamic or the the wishes of the woman. Yeah.
Speaker 2
He gets complicated. That call yeah. Like, when they call nine one one behind the mother's back.
Speaker 1
Oh my god. It's the worst.
Speaker 2
I can't believe that. I know. I heard a couple of those stories. I was like, oh my gosh. Like Mhmm. Okay. That I mean, I guess that does change for for, you know, perspective a little bit. But
Speaker 1
But you're right. I mean, if Yeah. There was and maybe this is, you know, I'm not trying to sound, uncompassionate to the reality of living with basically an abusive person who would do that, but, you know, if you're you know, and and also, I mean, it's an interesting conversation because also, it doesn't need to be a woman's highest priority. Like, a woman's highest priority might be keeping peace with their partner for their own calculations and whatever. I respect that,
Speaker 2
but but
Speaker 1
I agree. I think there's something a little bit bypassy to when when people blame stuff on their partners because, you know, you could get a hotel room or you could whatever. Right. Basically, what I'm saying is I've never met a woman who, if she was actually committed to free birth or home birth, that didn't make it happen.
Speaker 2
Right. Right. Yeah. Totally. Okay.
Speaker 1
So you've you've got an interesting dynamic here. You've got your all you're living on base. Your partner is very kind of adorably running his mouth and and Uh-huh. Dealing trying to figure out his his place in all of this. And then you're seeing this male OB who is telling you your baby has some growth restriction, which I guess sounds like might be potentially true and is trying to induce you. And then you're just, like, the center of the storm being, like, everybody chill the fuck out. Everything's gonna be fine.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't tell I I didn't tell anybody. Like, our neighbor knew. Like, our our next door neighbor knew. But other than that, I didn't tell a full because I was like, I don't want the flack. Like, I don't want the negativity. You know? I don't want any of that.
Speaker 1
So tell me about
Speaker 2
about his birth. Okay. So, okay. Wait. So so one more thing, though. Mhmm. So at week I think it was during week thirty eight. My husband was still nervous. And so I said, okay. Fine. We can tour we can tour the hospital. And so we went there, and we toured it. And I'm telling you, Emily, I have never had a more, like, cold, like, feelings of death in my life. Like, I walked through there, and I was like, oh my god. Like which I then knew, you know, my instincts. And I was like, oh, no. Like, I can't have him here. Like, I don't think he would make it. And so the whole drive home, I was silent. And then we got home, and I was like I was like, I gotta tell you, like, I you know, trying to find words for, like, what I felt. You know? And I was like, I can't have him there. Like, I just can't. And so that was pretty much, like, that was, like, my moment when I was done, you know, finally done researching and reading and all that. And so finally, like, just those past couple weeks, we're just, like, you know, sitting and and waiting and, to move sailing, I guess, you know, or whatever. So, anyway, so yeah. So so his birth so I had I was let's see. I was thirty nine and four, I think. And I had another checkup because whatever. I had one and I didn't you know, I don't care to, I guess, not go or whatever. So I was like, oh, you know, another checkup, whatever. So, he he does that, what is that called? That NST machine or whatever. Mhmm. Yeah. And, which, of course, baby was fine according to that, whatever that even does. And, so he's like, well, you kinda, like, seem like you're in labor. Like, you know, I was having contractions, which I was for a few days like, prior to that, they were like, well, since Monday, they were, like, ten to twenty minutes apart. And, it felt good to, like, you know, lean over something. So I knew it was, you know, I was getting somewhere. And so, so I had him strip my membranes when he said, okay. What do you mean
Speaker 1
you had him? Like, you were like, I want this?
Speaker 2
No. He he wanted to induce me again. And so he I think, which even then, like, I thought, you know, knowing what your dilation was meant something or Mhmm. Whatever. So he checked me, and then, I think my my compromise was was sweeping. I don't remember how it happened, but I was like, okay. Whatever. I whatever. I was fine with it. And so he said, okay. Well, here's my cell. You know, call me when you get to the hospital because I was contracting pretty regularly. And, so I was like, okay. Bye. And so I went home, and, of course, you know, I didn't call him or anything. And, so I got home, and the whole way home, they were every, like, four to five minutes. And then, I just kinda hung out. I drank some, like, metal tea and, just kinda labored throughout the evening. And then, I finally got in the tub at, like, I think it was, like, six or seven. And I was in the tub for a couple hours, and husband was just taking care of baby. Like, I this whole labor, like, I just wanted to be alone. And I don't know why because, you know, every labor is so different. But for this one, I just wanted to be completely alone. And so, so I was in the tub for a few hours, and then I got out and then, came downstairs and, like, ate some dinner and, did the dishes. And then finally, like, it was starting to get dark around, like, nine, I think it was. And I was like, and I was so relieved that I made it to the nighttime because I just wanted, like, I wanted that peacefulness of it, you know. Like, I wanted the dark. Like, I had my candles lit. Like, I was just, like, okay. This is, you know, this is this is it. Like, this is great. And so, so I just pretty much labored I mean, just kept on laboring throughout the night. I had to keep moving. Like, I could not sit still. Like, I tried sitting down, which, of course, it made me tired, but if I wasn't in the tub, like, I couldn't even sit down. Like, I had to be, like, walking or, you know, leaning over the counter and, like, like, swaying my hips back and forth. And, finally, I think around midnight, I got in the tub again, and then it started getting pretty intense. And my husband, had went to sleep with my baby. And so I tried, like, calling him to wake him up because I'm like, oh, I'm, like, having, you know, that moment, which I wasn't in transition, but that moment where I'm like, am I really doing this? Like, I'm batshit crazy right now. I got me in the tub at midnight. Like, you know, what am I doing? And, anyways, we didn't answer. So I waited, like, another hour, and then I got out. And then, at that point, I I did wake him up, and I was like, I need food. I'm hungry. And, or and maybe a bowl or something. So he went and got me food and a bowl, and I, you know, ate it and threw up and did all that. And then, I was on I was hanging over my dresser on my yoga ball, and I was walking back and forth. And I was just like, oh my gosh. I was getting pretty vocal. Like, I was things are getting pretty intense. And then all of a sudden, my water, like, burst. And I jump up and I had, like we were upstairs, you know, like, in a town home, and there's carpet. So I had the whole, like, shower curtain out with the truck pads and towels on it and stuff. And, so I go for that because holy fluid. Like, there was so much fluid. Like, it was just it was everywhere. And so, so immediately, like, water broke. I went down, like, basically, like, I our bed was on the floor, and so I was just, like, leaning over our bed on all fours. And, and he was just coming. Like, he was just coming right out. Oh my gosh. So, it was like I mean, I don't know. Which contractions switched up at that point? Like, they went from being, you know, whatever, longer and, I don't know, however contractions go. They switched up to short and quick. Like, it was, like, it was, like, twenty seconds every, like, twenty seconds. Like, they were just, like, short and strong. And, I remember it was really awesome because I wasn't doing, like I did zero pushing for this one. Like Mhmm. My butt like, I never sweat either, and, like, my forehead was sweating. And I remember thinking, this is so fucking awesome. Like, my body like, it's, like, you know, it's like you're running a marathon, but you're not. Like Mhmm. I wasn't doing anything, but, yeah, like, I was sweating, and my body was, like, pushing the baby out. I don't know. It was just so cool. And, so, you know, like, I don't know, ten, fifteen minutes. And, and he comes out, and his head comes out. So my husband's behind me, ready to catch him for me because my hands are, like, on the bed, and I was like, you have to catch him because I'm not you know, like, I didn't wanna get up in a squat or anything. And so, so he his head comes out and then he's like my husband's like, oh, his head's out and his little hand because he had, like, a little hand over his eye. Aw. And, I know. And then, and then I waited for the next contraction and then his body came out. And, and I immediately, you know, got up and then reached under and, and grabbed him, and then he didn't reach. So I look. It's dark in our room. So then I look and, and I feel for his neck. And he has a cord pretty impressively, like, wrapped really tightly around his neck twice. And so I couldn't hook it or anything, so I just unrolled him on the soaking wet floor. It's probably really cold. And I just kinda, you know, just rolled him like a little potato and then, and then scooped him right back up. And he was pretty, like, flu like, fluidy, like, you could hear the fluid. And so I just put him on my I put his little belly on my palm, and then I tilted him down. And, you know, so he's, like, drained some of the fluid or whatever. And then, and then just flipped him over, and he looked up at me and I was just, like, basically in shock. Like, he the whole pregnancy, I had, like, hoped and prayed for a big baby because I got so much flaps for my daughter being small, which she wasn't really that small. But I was just like, this is gonna be a big baby, you know, and I just ate, like, a tub of peanut butter a day, and I was just like I was so determined to have a big baby. And so I think, really, I just, like, was shocked. Like, he looked like like a thirty three week fetus. Like, he he did not look like a full term baby at all. And so I was just like, oh my gosh. And he and he was long, but he was so, so skinny. And I was just like, oh my god. He's so tiny. And so I told my husband. I said I said, you should call the medic. And he's like, why? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, he's just he's just so small. Like, look at him. Like, we should just make sure he's okay. But how did he,
Speaker 1
like, do? Like, did he was he fine?
Speaker 2
Like fine.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 2
He was great. Yeah. Yep. He was great. And I think if I would've waited another minute, like, you know, I always had, like, I always had that in the back of my mind. Like, if I needed the reassurance or, you know, like, I had, like, of course, those stories from, you know, my sister's a nurse, where, like, the people who have their babies at home are, you know, the druggies or whatever. And so I didn't want, like I cared at the time. I cared what people thought about me, and I didn't wanna look like, you know, like which people even after the fact, people were like, what the hell? Because they saw him, you know, and they knew, like, he was so tiny, and they're like, you had that baby at home. Like Mhmm. You know, every for the next three months, people said, how much Nick? Oh, wow. How much Nicky time did he have? Like, you know, because he was so tiny and and, you know, so I just be like, no. He was good at home. You know? And they'd be like, what? And, you know, so I don't know. But I was, yeah, you know, I was twenty, what, twenty one at the time. So, you know, you live and you learn, but Totally. At the time. So yeah. So I was like, no. You should just call them and, you know, just so, you know, we know that we're shocked that he's smaller. You know? Like, I don't know. Whatever. Some stupid reason. So, so anyway, so they came and and they were fine. Like, there was, like, three or four of them that came in the room and the woman told me I was a badass. And, they said, you know, they just listened to his heart rate and they said, no. He looks great. You know, he's really tiny, but he looks great. And so I was like, oh, well, you know, great. Thank you. You know? And so that was basically it and they left. So
Speaker 1
They weren't expecting you to transfer to the hospital?
Speaker 2
Nope. They had me tell I had to tell someone on the phone that I didn't wanna go, which she was some snobby, I'm sure, at the hospital. Like, do you want are you are you denying transfer? I think is what she said.
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And I was like, yes. I am. You know? Because at that moment, I'm all, like, at at the moment, I'm all, you know, high and everything. And I'm like, yep. I am. Thanks. And so, anyway so yeah. So then they left. I mean, they're there probably, like, twenty minutes. And, yeah, they were, you know, they were nice, and there wasn't too many people in the room. And so it really wasn't bad, but, I mean, obviously, I didn't do it again, and I wouldn't do it next time. But, you know, it is what it is.
Speaker 1
And, I mean, all things considered, it's it sounds like you actually got what you wanted. Was another pair of eyes to kind of evaluate your son and then they left. I mean, that doesn't sound Yeah. That bad to me.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. And, basically, just like, you know I don't know. Not I mean, I knew, like, people are judgy and, you know, tell you, you know, you're crazy and whatnot, but it was nice just like just, you know, those the words of affirmation, you know, just like, oh, yeah. You know, he looks fine. Like, you know, not like Right. And What are you doing? Totally.
Speaker 1
And that's that's the piece that sucks is that you don't know what you're gonna get. And so for your story where it was cool, another person's story is that they were shamed and bullied into a transfer, you know. So that's the
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Bummer about kind of opening up that Mhmm. Can of worms is it might work out wonderfully and you might get what you wanted out of the system or it might be like a whole another horrible thing. So, thankfully for you
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
It was it worked really well.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Basically, rolling the dice is what it is. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Okay. So that's amazing. What an awesome crazy story.
Speaker 2
I know. I know. It was pretty crazy. So he so so then my placenta so they helped me cut the cord because I had I didn't boil my scissors yet, And his cord was completely white and everything. And so, so I cut it. I mean, with their scissors, but I cut it. And then, the placenta, I could feel, the placenta was ready to, to come out. And so I went and I tried to go pee. Sorry. I'm gonna take out. So I tried to go pee because I knew I really had to go. And, and I couldn't go pee and I couldn't get my placenta out. And so finally, after, like, a few tries, I was like, well, I'll just get I'll get in the shower and then maybe, you know, the water will help. And so, I got in the shower and then I don't remember which came first, but I was able able to get rid of both the pee and the placenta. And then, and then I just actually didn't even had didn't even have a bowl there. So I just set it, like, on a towel and then, and then just crawled into bed with my baby. And then we were awake for, like, a little bit, but I was so tired that we actually went to sleep, like, pretty shortly after. Because it will he was so he was born sometime between three thirty and four. I don't know when exactly he was born. But, but yeah. So so total, it was, like, you know, twelve to thirteen hours
Speaker 1
Awesome.
Speaker 2
For his labor. So yeah. So we just snuggled in bed and slept, like, a good six hours. So Man So it was great.
Speaker 1
I love it.
Speaker 2
Yeah. It's just
Speaker 1
like I mean, this is obviously why we do this podcast. Like, in on one hand, it sounds so totally nuts that you would choose to just, you know, in in spite of all this stuff, in spite of a little, you know, pressure from the system and and then your husband's situation and all of this that you're just like, no, I saw what was available at the hospital and and rest assured that's not happening for me, you know. Yes.
Speaker 2
Of course, you have this
Speaker 1
normal, you know, beautiful story out of it. It's so cool.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Okay. So Yeah.
Speaker 1
Awesome. So take me into your third and most recent birth.
Speaker 2
So yeah. So on to the next.
Speaker 1
So I'm curious since you're a military family, how did the military community I mean, you're living on base. So how does the military community receive this story?
Speaker 2
Yeah. I got a lot of jaw drops. Like, we had to go in and do the paperwork, which later I don't know. People said we we have thirty days, but, initially, we are told we had ten days to get all the paperwork done. So, like, fortunately, his recovery for me or the birth recovery for me was was great. Like, I was totally fine. I was up. I didn't feel like you know, I didn't feel terrible or anything. And so we were out doing those things, getting the paperwork. But, yeah, I mean, oh gosh. Like, the comment from just the paperwork people and, you know, and then, you know, oh, the midwives and there's no midwives. What? Like, you know, they were just floored. Like, they had never obviously never heard of it or, you know, whatever. And then it was like, oh, but you have you know, you're military. You have, you know, free hospital birth and, you know, it's just like, yeah. That's not what I wanted to do. You know?
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
But, but yeah. So so my third baby, she was not conceived until my my youngest was, how old was he, four until his fourth birthday.
Speaker 1
Oh, so you had a nice
Speaker 2
little gap. Waited. I did. Yeah. Yep. We had a really a really good gap. And for the longest time, like, I don't remember when it started, but I had feelings of, like or maybe dreams. I don't know. Just, like, I hoped it was true that, like, someday we would have, like, another little girl. And so for the longest time, like, sometimes I would just sit and ponder on it and just think about it, like, okay. We're gonna have another little girl someday, like, maybe, you know, five years from now or ten years from now, but, like, I really hope that I get that little girl. And so finally, we decided to have another baby, four years later. And so, so first cycle again conceived. And, and that pregnancy was rough. It was, like, it was totally night and day from my other two. And we own a furniture company. Like, we like, our own little small business of building farmhouse furniture. And so I knew, like or not new, but I suspected going in that being around, like, when I stain the furniture, the chemical smell is, like, really strong and probably super horrible for you. But I knew going in, like, I was like, I'm probably gonna be sick because my body is probably gonna be, like, detoxing from all this, you know, whatever crap. And so, so sure enough, the first until eight weeks I don't know why, but until eight weeks on the dot, like, I was, like, on my death bed, like, every day. I could not do a thing. Like, I threw up and I gagged and I dry heaved and I couldn't eat anything. I lost, like, five pounds. And it was just it was really brutal. So, finally, that ended around week eight, and I started to feel better again. I was like, okay. This is great. Now I can, you know, I can get back to life, and I can breathe again. But, but, yeah, the whole pregnancy, it was it it's really interesting, like, just how different every pregnancy is because, like Mhmm. With my son, I was, like, so in tune with him and, like, I was so, like, I was just on, like, this bubble of, like, euphoria the whole time. Like, I I don't know. Like, it was just so different. Like, I was just in the clouds the whole time and just so, like, so in tune with him. And then with with this one, with with my third, like, I felt, like, I felt fine, but I did not feel, like I don't know. Like, I didn't feel, like, spiritual at all. Like, I didn't feel, like, you know, super in tune with her. I didn't feel, like I don't know. Like, it was just really different. I just felt, like, normal. You know? Like, normal and, like, you know, present or whatever. And so, so, basically, I mean, the whole pregnancy was fine. And, again, I saw so so since we're back in Oregon for this one, I saw the same midwife that I saw for my first baby. And not a lot, but just, like, you know, an appointment here and there. And, and she knew, obviously, because she knew that I had my son at home in California. And, she supported me, and she was like, you know, that's I think that's great. You're awesome. Whatever. You know? Blah blah blah. And so, so finally, at, let's see, forty forty weeks and two days, I woke up at three o'clock on the dot and to, like like, fluid pouring between my legs. And I was like I remember, like, like, a couple days before, it was the, a full, like, a full blue moon. And so that night, I'd went out, like, after everyone went to sleep, and I went out and I, like, stood like, the sky was clear, and I stood under the moon. And I was just, like, telling my baby that, you know, like, I was ready when she was, but if she wants to wait a few weeks, that's okay. You know? Like, I was in no rush at all. And, especially because, like, I felt that she was fine and, you know, my belly kept growing, and I didn't feel like, I didn't feel like she was gonna be small or anything like that. And so I was like, you know, this is great. Just keep just keep going. You
Speaker 1
know? Totally.
Speaker 2
And so, so anyway so yeah. So then I woke up two days later. And really, like, it's kinda funny because it's I was just, like, I was kind of annoyed. Like, I didn't want I didn't want my waters breaking before labor because I feel like it's this weird, like I don't know. What do you call that? Not like purgatory, but I don't know. Like, this is a weird place where, like, my water breaks, but I'm not in labor. Like, what am I doing? I'm not purgatory. Yeah. Like, it's just so weird and, like, you know, I'm not in I'm not in labor land. I'm not, like you know, I'm still fully present. Like But
Speaker 1
you know it's coming.
Speaker 2
It was just weird. Yes. Yes. So it was weird. So I got all, like, anxious, and I went to the bathroom, and then I remembered, that I had heard on, on Maren's podcast, the Indie Birth, that you can see the the specs of vernix, like, that comes off their skin. You can see it in the fluid. And so I had a towel between my legs and I looked at it, and I could see the little specs. And so that got me really excited because I was just like, oh, my baby, like, you know, she's in there. You know? Like, I know she's in there. And I can see, you know, like, you know, a little bit of proof or I don't know, whatever, you know, that this is happening and that just got me really, like, really excited. And so, so I tried to go back to sleep and eventually I did. And then I kinda just woke to eat, like, two bowls of cereal, like, a couple times. And then I didn't get out of bed until, like, I think nine in the morning. And I just kinda, like, labored throughout the day. Like, my husband kept the kids home from school, which in hindsight, we shouldn't have done, but we thought, like I thought, okay. Maybe I'll have a fast labor this time. Sure. And so, we wanted the kids to be there. And so yeah. So they were home. So it was just, like, this weird it was just this weird feeling. Like, again, like, I wanted the nighttime. And so, you know, it's morning time, and I'm like, I want coffee, but I'm not gonna drink coffee. And I just didn't really know what to do. You know? And so sorry. Yo. Oh my god. How long have I been talking? Well And you have
Speaker 1
Well, let's see. Your baby made some noise, and then shit. Where did it log out? All of a sudden well, you were, like, talking with your baby, and then it hung out and then it hung up. Oh, okay. But you were well, you were in labor and you were home. Your waters had opened. You were home. You're in purgatory. You slept all night, and then you didn't wanna have coffee. And then that was kinda what it yeah.
Speaker 2
Okay. So yeah. So, basically, like, I I just labored throughout the day. I still felt, like, kinda funny. Like, I was waiting, like, with my son. You know, it was so, like it was just this magical, like, experience where I just, like I don't know. Like, it I it was, like, a whole different, like, level, you know, like, a whole different consciousness. I don't know. But with her, I was just so, like, I was still just present and, like, in my conscious mind. And, so I just, you know, kinda just hung out and just labored throughout the day and finally downloaded a contraction timer, I think at, like, one or two, and then, realized they were, like, three to four minutes apart. And so I was like, oh, okay. I guess, you know, I guess this is really happening. And so I got in the shower. I took, like, a really long shower. And it's funny because I I, like, I was so emotional, and I, like, wanted to cry and, like, feel good and, like, you know, just, like, get into the zone. But I one, I couldn't cry. Like, I couldn't cry. I don't know why. I don't know what was going on, like, hormonal wise or or oxytocin or what. So, like, I couldn't cry. And I, I just I don't know. Like, it was just funny. Like, I, I was in the shower for a couple hours, but, eventually, I got out, and I just was just hanging out. Like, you know, the kids were there. Like, the kids were, you know, like, playing, and I had my best oh, and I had my best friend come. She came after work, so she came around, like, five thirty. And so, I think when she got there at that point, I was in the bath again. And, and she just sat with me, and we just talked and, you know, hung out. And she and and it was interesting, like, because with my last birth, I didn't have I didn't have anyone there. Mhmm. And, and with her, like, I wanted her there because I wanted, like, I wanted someone to, like, ground me almost. Like, you know, like, I didn't I was, like, kind of afraid of having, like, an anxiety attack or, you know, like, thinking, like, stupid nonsense and freaking myself out. And so, so I decided because I told her, I was like, well, I think I want you there. You know, I'll keep you posted. And, anyway, so I so I had a number. And most
Speaker 1
and most women want support in their labor. I mean, we're walking Right. Through the veil and it's fucking intense, you know. And that's that's what's so sad about the state of birth in this patriarchy is it's so convoluted now that to have support generally means we have to go to the hospital or we have to spend thousands of dollars on a regulated midwife. And and then I find that in the free birth community, women feel like they have to justify why they want people there, and it's like No. Orange.
Speaker 2
Oh. Yeah. Sorry.
Speaker 1
Yeah. No. It's okay. Yeah. Anyway, so, of course, you wanted support there. Of course. That's completely understandable.
Speaker 2
So yeah. So it it was nice having her there. Like, she, like, she grounded me and kept me, like, chill and, you know, like, we just hung out and stuff. But at the same time, it was, like, different. It was really different having someone else there, you know, and not just, you know, not just myself or not just my husband in the other room. You know? So yeah. So, anyway, so, she offered to watch the kids so I could just have, like, some alone time, with my hubby. And so, we were in bed for, like, I don't know, like, an I don't know, an hour or two. And, just kinda, you know, like, cuddling and stuff and having sexy time, and then, like, contractions would get kind of intense, and then I'd have to, like, you know, jump up and be on all fours, like, for the contraction and then lay back down again. And, so finally, like, he I've been eating, like, a ton. Like, I've never like, I ate, like, I think at one point eight, like, four or five chicken thighs. And then, like, just like barbecues off, I just cooked them, you know, in a pan. And, like, I shit you not, like, thirty minutes later, my stomach was growling again. Like, my body was just, like, plowing through the food. You know? Like, just, like, feed me. I need more energy. And so, finally, my husband put the kids to bed, and he was like, okay. Well, I'll go get, I don't know what it was, teriyaki chicken or something from some restaurant. So I'm like, okay. So at this point, it's, like, I think eight o'clock or so. So he gets back and, it's finally getting dark out. And so, you know, again, I'm like, okay. It's dark out. You know, like, my kids are in bed. And, like, immediately, that got things rolling. Like, I couldn't even eat the food that he brought home. Like, it we were in the so we were downstairs in the kitchen, and then, like, I had a contraction that brought me, like, to my knees. I had to, like, get down in a squat and, and, like, relax for it. And I was like, oh, boy. Okay. I'm gonna go back upstairs and get and get in the bath. And so, so I went back up and got back in the bath. And then it was pretty like, I started feeling shaky and nauseous. And so I was like, oh, boy. Okay. Maybe, like, you know, a transition is happening and, you know, maybe this baby will be born soon. And so so for the next, like, two hours, I've never had I've never even heard of a transition this long, but it was a really long transition. Like, I was super shaky. I kept throwing up. I couldn't keep anything down, but I was so hungry. You know? So I kept trying to eat stuff. And then, and then I threw it right back up. And so, so finally, like, I got out of the bath, and I was in my bedroom, and it was, like, it was baby time. Like, I was, like Mhmm. Putting towels down. I was, like, trying, like I felt like this, like, wild animal. Like, I'm, like, putting towels down and trying to, you know, again, protect the rug and, trying to, like, make my space, but it was all slippery. And I was like, no. I can't do this. And and I'm just, like, moving around in the room. And finally, I'm just like, oh, I'm so tired. And, like, my friend and my husband I think my husband went downstairs to make me more fruit. And I don't know where my friend went, but she was somewhere else. And so I was like, okay. I'm so tired. I'm just gonna lay down and take a nap. And so I lay on my bed, and baby was, like, baby was pretty low because it felt like it felt really funny, like, I laid down on my side and closing my legs was like it felt really weird. And, but I was like, I'm determined to get this nap because I'm just so freaking tired. And so I slept, and I don't know how long I slept. My husband said it was, like, a minute, but I don't know if it was a minute or five or whatever. But I woke up when he came back in the room with a blade of, like, a plate of, like, beautifully decorated fruit. And I'm like, where the fuck have you been? And he's like, I made you the fruit. And I'm like, why are you hanging so long? Like, I'm dying up here. And so, and so, like, immediately, I I sit up on the bed and I'm like, a baby, like, just moved down. And I was like, oh my god. She's coming. And he's like, what do you need? And I'm like, help me get to the toilet. I have to poop really bad. Because normally normally, I always empty my bowels in early labor, like, completely. I've done that the past two times. And so this time, I didn't. And so I was like, I have to poop so bad. Like, just help me to the toilet. And so, so he helps me to the bathroom, and I'm sitting on the toilet. And then, like, at this point, like, full on, like, fetal ejection reflex, like, I'm I don't know if I'm screaming, but, you know, I'm, like, roaring and whatever. I'm being super vocal. And, I keep thinking, like, okay. Baby's gonna be right there. And and then I feel and I didn't feel any baby, which that was another thing, like, with this labor, I was like, okay. I'm not gonna check myself. I'm not gonna do, I'm not gonna do any of that. Because with my son, which I think I forgot to mention this too, but I checked myself twice during that labor. Mhmm. And I checked myself once in the beginning and then once, like, two hours before he was born, and both times it felt the same. Like, I thought at the time it was, like, a four or a five. And so I was, like, discouraged. You know? And so this time, I was, like, I'm not doing any of that. Like, I'm not whatever. When this baby comes, then she'll come. You know? Mhmm. And so, so I reached in and I tried to fill her head and it was, like, a few inches up and I'm just like, oh my god. Are you kidding me? Because it was just like I felt like I was pooping a bowling ball. Like, it's really You pretty much are. Right? Yeah. And, and so and then the other thing was, like, throughout the the two hour transition, she was punching me, like, ferociously. Like, I think she was trying I know. Isn't it? I think she was trying to move, like, into a better position because she came out facing my thigh. So she came out, like, you know, a little Willy Wonka. And so I think she was trying to turn because my babies are always posterior the entire pregnancy, and then they flip right before they're born. And so, so I think she was trying to do that, but I don't know. Maybe it was too late or I don't know. She has a really big forehead, so maybe that's why. I don't know. And, anyway so yeah. So it was really difficult. So so the fetal ejection reflex is going, but I am also, like, assisting in that and, like, grunting, you know, through it and, like, helping a little bit on my end. And, so finally, like, I get off the toilet. My husband's afraid she's gonna be born in the toilet, which whatever. So I can't say no. So I'm just like, okay. Fine. So I get down and I'm, like, squatting and, finally, like, I don't know, three or four more contractions probably. And, and her head finally comes out and it's just like, oh my god. Like, finally, like, that bowling ball was so big. And so then I wait, You know, I breathe because I'm, like, yelling at this point. And so, I breathe and wait for the next contraction, and then her body merges. And then my husband grabs her and, quickly, you know, hands her to me, and she cried. She let out one cry right when she came out. And, yeah. And I mean, she was just, you know, pink right away, and her cord was her cord was beautiful. I didn't get a picture of it, like, right away. Like, my my husband took pictures, like, you know, probably a minute or two after. But, like, her cord was, like it was like those ones that you see, like, midwifery places, post pictures of. Like, it was super thick and Mhmm. Virally and, like yeah. It was so cool. And I was just like, oh my god. Because even I don't know what my first baby's was, but, you know, with my son's, it it wasn't like that. And so I was like, oh my god. That's so cool. And that must have felt good to me. It did. Yes. Like, I felt like like successful, you know. Like, not that my other baby wasn't fine, but I was just like, yay. Like, you know, I have, like, a tummy baby and Mhmm. Yeah. It did. It it it felt great. And, yeah. Anyway, so we just sat there for a few minutes and, you know, she was looking up at us and And you have you have
Speaker 1
one of my most favorite favorite right after birth photos.
Speaker 2
Oh oh, my yeah. I don't think I know which one you're talking about.
Speaker 1
Oh, it's just amazing. Just the the joy on your face and the way that just the rawness and the nakedness and we'll have to post that with this episode because it's just Okay. It encapsulates, you know, just just the rawness and beauty and joy of of birthing that, you know, under
Speaker 2
Yeah. And the relief too. Like, I remember, like Yeah. Yeah. Ugh. Like because after my son, it was just, like, I was so happy and stuff. But, like, after her, I was just so relieved. Like, I it was so much it was just so much work, you know, to get her out that I was just, like, it was just so I don't know. Just so amazing. You know? Mhmm. And so, yeah. So we went and got in bed, and then, the placenta, I could feel it was ready to come out. And so I, we cut her cord, because I wanted to get the placenta out because it was, like, I was, like, having, like, birthing contractions again, and I'm, like, moaning with someone. I'm like, okay. I need to get this thing out of me, like, now. And so, so we had cut her cord, and then I went to the shower. And I went to, I brought a bowl, and then I was like, I'll just do the same thing that I did last time. And so I squatted down and, peed and burst the placenta and then came back to bed and just snuggled up. Like, as soon as I got back in bed, she she was ready to nurse. And she was, like, doing the breast crawl, which was really cool because I also like, my other babies didn't do that, or I didn't have, you know, the opportunity. Mhmm. And so, yeah. So she was, like, rooting and trying to find the breast and, so she nursed for a good hour. And then we finally went to sleep. I don't at that time, I was so, like, I was so, like, euphoric and happy that I was having a hard time going to sleep even though I was so tired. But, eventually, you know, we went to sleep and, and that was that, really.
Speaker 1
Beautiful. It's about as good as it gets.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. It was it was pretty great.
Speaker 1
That's awesome.
Speaker 2
But the post and the postpartum, like, for her too, was really hard. Like, I couldn't even I really didn't even get out of bed and, like, go downstairs until, I think, it was day five. Like, I just couldn't which I had a cough too that, like, I was afraid of, like, everything falling out. Like, it was, like, I was just, like, oh my gosh. I need to just be in bed. Like and it was it took, like, probably three months before I felt normal again. Like, it took it took quite a while, which, again, maybe lose this or big forehead. I don't know.
Speaker 1
No. But I also think that that's something
Speaker 2
we need
Speaker 1
to talk about more because, you know, I mentioned this in a in another podcast recently that it's Mhmm. I think that there's this idea that if you if you do everything right and you have this normal undisturbed birth and blah blah blah, that you're gonna feel amazing and you're gonna bounce back. And the reality is, especially after I mean, I mean, I shouldn't even say that because sometimes it happens more with the first and sometimes it happens more with the third. But birth is really hardcore and it's normal and perfectly understandable for it to take multiple weeks or months, you know, to feel kind of whatever that back to normal is for you. You know, but again, we're so driven by that bounce back mentality of our culture, that I do think we can normalize. I mean, to me, with what I hear, I think it's totally understandable that it would take you a couple months to feel back to normal. Absolutely.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. And that's a good point too. Like, I've seen that where it's like, oh, my natural birth, my recovery was so much faster than, you know, my epidural birth, but it's like, well, why? Like, you know, there's really no I mean, that's great that people have that, but Mhmm. Yeah. There's really no, like, you know, correlation Yeah. Between the two. Like, I don't know. For some reason, it was just a hard recovery.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And sometimes I think it's harder after multiple kids because you are gonna be more pushed to get up and just make that snack or put the baby to put the other kids together. You know, all that it takes to run a household of of five now. I mean, it's just it's so much harder to commit or even to have it even be possible to stay in bed and rest.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. My husband was off work, so that's what made that possible. Because otherwise yeah. Who knows Mhmm. What I would have had to deal with. But it was really nice. Like, my family came over a lot shortly, but came over just to bring meals. So that was really nice. Like, it was amazing because then I was like, oh, thank you. Like, you know, you bring me, like, cooked food and then you don't stay more than twenty minutes and, you know. Function. It was great. Yeah.
Speaker 1
And is that something that you is that something you voiced? Like, drop it and don't stay or or was that just understanding?
Speaker 2
Didn't. Uh-uh. No. I never I never did. And in California, you know, obviously, we didn't have anyone because we were there alone. But yeah. No. I mean, it was just I don't know. Just my siblings and, and my parents and yeah. I don't know. It was just really nice. I guess they just knew. I mean, my mom has had four, so maybe that's why. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. But Awesome. Yeah. But it was just it was nice.
Speaker 1
I love it. I love your stories. I love, you know, as usual, just the normalcy of it and and the power of it and, I just, you know, it's it's it's so important for these stories to get told because again, you know, as as everyone who listens knows, my intention with this is just to normalize what is already normal, you know, coming back to center and and trusting our intuition and, you know, following our truth. And and for you and for so many of us, you know, it's just to have normal birth in our homes with our families, and that's exactly what you actualized. And I'm just so proud of you and inspired by you, and I know that
Speaker 2
this story you.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And this story will go far and and will inspire and normalize, you know, women's experiences all over the world. So thank you for sharing this and just so beautiful.
Speaker 2
Oh, you're so welcome. And and just one more thing, if I can just add. Of course. Another thing, like, is, like, you know, it's always fun to, like, think, like, okay. What if I was in a hospital? You know? And, like, this one, like, from the time my waters broke, like, it was twenty one hours. Mhmm. And, like, I don't know. Like, you know, now that I'm pregnant with my fourth, I'm like, how long is my next liver going to be? It's gonna be like one of them. With each one. Yeah. That's interesting. Well, and I know. Normally, you know, it's always the other way around, but, I mean, who knows what would have happened in a hospital, you know, like, twenty one hours is
Speaker 1
We we do know. You would have had a c section.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah. It's really not I
Speaker 2
know. It's just crazy.
Speaker 1
Most stories I hear well, obviously, all births are intervened with in captivity, so it's not like it's that amazing to say that most stories I hear would have been intervened with. But, I mean, mine, I'm confident, would have been a c section. It's it's not it sounds like at least one one of yours would have. You know, a lot of women that I speak to who who have normal births. Because also we're redefining what normal is, you know, the range of normal
Speaker 2
Yes.
Speaker 1
The variability of normal, when when we hear these these free birth stories is so much wider than ever, ever, ever what is allowed, in the medical models. Yeah. That's another huge reason why it's so important to share these stories because these stories don't exist in captivity, which is why
Speaker 2
I know they don't.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And if you're familiar with my story, like, I pathologized my own labor because I had only seen long labors handled in captivity. So, you know, these stories are, you know, just even like what you just said, you know, the fact that your third birth took so long, so many women, you know, because of this lie that they're supposed to go faster, you know, will freak out. Excuse me. Mhmm. You know, and and just there's just such a wide range of normal and that there isn't any one way and and yeah. Your stories are amazing and and healthy and beautiful and safe and following your truth. And and exactly like you said, there's just the joy and the relief that you experienced after this birth. It just affects your whole family. It's so beautiful.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. It really does. And and that's, like, the other thing, you know, this time the kids were older, and so it was, like, my daughter came in and, like, right when we crawled into bed. And, and she snuck in, and I'm like, oh, you know, come over here and, you know, meet your baby sister and, you know, and she had told me that she had heard me pushing Thea out, and she didn't wanna interrupt. So she waited, and I was just like, oh my god. Like, this is so, like, so sweet. You know? That is so sweet. It's just yeah. I mean, it's just like I can't imagine, like, you know, being in a hospital and, like, you what? Like, three days later, you bring home a new baby and, you know, kids have been at grandma's or, you know, whatever. Like Mhmm. I don't know. It just seems not ideal, you know, like opposed to just having them there at the at the moment. It's just I don't know. It's something really special.
Speaker 1
Absolutely. Yeah. It's really god. It just will never stop blowing my mind that we are just doing the most normal thing, and it is so, so rare.
Speaker 2
And, you
Speaker 1
know, just yeah. Family birth. Right? Like, that needs to be reintroduced into our society.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I know. It's crazy.
Speaker 1
Well, thank you so so much. It's wonderful to connect you
Speaker 2
with your Thank you for having me. I know. I'm so excited. Glad to finally talk to you.
Speaker 1
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the free birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
