Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices. We're back with season three of the Free Birth Society podcast, and, wow, do I have an incredible season in store for you all. We've had a lot of growth and creation going on over here at Free Birth Society with launching two more courses this fall, our first ever member's retreat, organizing our incredible mother's retreat in Dominican Republic this winter, and our soon to be out magazine celebrating the powerful women in our community through photography, story, poetry, and art. Our private online membership is coming up on its one year anniversary, and our sense of community has really been deepening. And we're publishing our first book in the coming months, and just, wow, life is so full. My little toddler daughter is as fun as ever and the idea of a second child has really launched me into a new level of inspiration to create the dream community in real life that so many of us crave. I want Freebird Society to have a home for all of us, so stay tuned. Join our newsletter, join our community, and be kept in the loop. Before we dive in to our first episode of season three, I wanted to make sure you you all knew about our more recent course we just put out. It's called the sovereign birth series, meditations to actualize your dream birth. It's the first of its kind, a spiritual guide for free birth. It's curated to support you in tuning into your full power, honoring birth as a rite of passage, and serving as an ally for your work. It's full of incredible guided meditations, sound healing, journal prompts, and sacred rituals to honor and tune into your ancient womb wisdom. The course is created and offered by my good friend Nancy, a shamanic facilitator, a sound healer, and a free birthing mother. She's amazing. The course is epic. Check it out along with all the wonderful stuff that we have going on at free birth society dot com. So thank you all for being with me on this journey as we head into our third year of this podcast and platform. It's a deep honor to do this work, and I really couldn't do it without all of you. So with that, let's begin. We are opening season three with an incredible woman who describes her life as living spirit led, something that I deeply relate to. Ashley free birthed her second daughter in California and then went on to free birth twins in Costa Rica. And get this, the twins were a total surprise. We have a great conversation around the power of intention, her epiphanies with with Ganja, and working with source energy. Ashley tells us from a cafe in Costa Rica about her free birth story with her twins, which she describes as experiencing God Watsu.
Speaker 2
Watsu. I immediately go to my first abortion, which was in LA. I had met the love of my life, and we've been together for some time, and then we broke up. And a year went by. And during that year, I dated someone else and, you know, it was just kind of a comfort thing because I was still in love with him. And this guy was really great and really nice, and he was an amazing handstander. We used to, like, do tons of handstands together, but,
Speaker 3
I thought it was
Speaker 2
cute. Yeah. And you I didn't I wasn't, like, so in love with him. I had so much love for him, but I just knew that this was not my my first, child couldn't be with this person. And then we kind of had a tumultuous breakup, and I moved to Topanga. And within a few months, my love, the love of my life was calling me and actually snuck into a window. I've because I was living in the house with a bunch of people. And we made love, and I felt, like, weirded out by him. It's not my highest moment, and I became pregnant. So, of course, I wanted to keep this baby so bad, and I was so in love with him. And he was mean and said, you know, you shouldn't bring a baby into the world that doesn't have a dad. And yeah. And so I did have an I had another abortion. So I had an abortion with a guy that I know. That's so intense. So I had an abortion with a guy that I didn't love but had a lot of love for. He felt like a friend. And then I had another abortion. And the second one was pretty tumultuous. It felt like, I love this man. I wish I could have his baby, but I had been through so much with him already that I was at the point in my life where I just really wanted to meet, like, my person. And if he didn't wanna be with me, then I needed to move forward. So I vowed then and there to never love him again, which was not possible because I learned that, you know, this person is an ancient, ancient love of mine, and we've done this dance for many lifetimes. And I'll always love him, and I need to have love for him from a distance because he comes close and
Speaker 3
Girl, I know what that is like. I
Speaker 1
know one of those two.
Speaker 2
Yeah. The heartbreak ensues. So I still love him and respect him, but and we did meet up years later and both were like, oh my god. That baby should be here. So fast forward to summer two thousand ten, I meet Satya's dad. That's my eldest daughter. And we kind of liked each other a lot. We were making love. We lived in a little I lived in a little cottage in the woods, and he Immediately moved in with me, which red flag. And then I went to India for several months. And in India, there were so many downloads about, you know, having children. I even thought, oh, I could have a baby with him and came back. And then it was six months since the day we met that summer, and I was pregnant again. And so oh, and get you get this. He had broken up with me. So I was just like, oh, I know. I was, like, alone in the stone house. Literally, one night, I had just built this compost toilet. I had a friend build this amazing compost toilet outdoors. He's living so close to mother nature. And I walk outside, and it's hailing, and I'm just so upset crying in this outdoor compost toilet. And I thought, I think I'm pregnant. Like, they're I'm so upset. So I took a test, and right when I took that test, I felt like this was the same baby that has been trying to come to me. And this is like, we don't you know? I felt like the baby was kinda like, it doesn't matter, you know, who you have this baby with. I'm your baby. Mhmm. So I told him I was pregnant, and then we got back together and the rest is history. And that's a whole another story. But Satya's placenta I get this is crazy. Satya's placenta you know how the placenta looks like a tree of life and there's, like, three veins? The center and then there's, like, three artery veins, right, that are really the prominent three roots of the the tree. Two of hers were missing. So, basically, she had this, like, one lifeline left. Anyways, I I think Satya was trying to come to me before she actually did. But, her birth was the so, in the beginning of that pregnancy, I had downloads in my third eye that were pretty much like, you should do this alone, girl, in the stone house. It told me it whatever it is, like, said to me, you could do this alone in the stone house.
Speaker 3
Is is the stone house in California?
Speaker 2
The stone house is in Topanga.
Speaker 3
It's the
Speaker 2
Okay. The little cottage that I lived in on a little commune that kinda, like, doesn't really function as a commune anymore, but back then it did. It's called Tribal Oasis. And, yeah, I had those downloads. I should have this baby in this stone house and, you know, told the dad I was pregnant, and he came back to me and we had a little slow relationship for quite many years, but it was not a real a real good dynamic. It was a very past lives traumatic, connection. So I danced in my consciousness from giving birth alone to cutting a mid having a midwife for about seven months. I was like, should I do it alone? Should I get a midwife? Just in my head going back and forth. I was unclear All the
Speaker 3
while all the while, are you having a wild pregnancy, or are you seeing a provider somewhere?
Speaker 2
I was interviewing midwives. I'm pretty, like I knew about conscious birth. I feel a little bit not so much, but I was kind of aware that there was another world of midwifery. I didn't know so much about, like, delivering your own baby yet. I was very much like, you get a midwife, of course. So I didn't really listen to this voice that had said, no. You can do this alone. And even women that I, like, pitched the idea to, like, my friend and teacher, Shiva Ray, she says, no, girl. You need a midwife. Like, duh. Like, are you fucking stupid? You know? Like, don't don't do that alone. You're crazy. So I didn't. And by the seventh, I had I actually interviewed some really famous midwives. Mary Jackson was one of them. The Ojai midwife was, like, amazing, but me and her didn't resonate. And I ended up going with a a newer midwife in Topanga, and it was great. We planned it above my ten man hot tub overlooking the mountain with the mist. We had a white temple built, basically, a tent temple built above this hot tub, and I thought for sure it was gonna be a home birth in my hot tub. But I I was naive within that enough you know, I wasn't prepared. I did watch all the videos that eventually did help me deliver my own babies, but it was this one thing that happened. What happened was my water bag started to leak. And I told my midwife, and then, you know, she was in the medical training that, you know, after twenty four hours or twelve hours even if your water bag isn't, like, fully broken and you're having contractions, then this is like, we need to get this baby out was basically what Oh. You know? So and my friend who had a baby a month before me and Topanga, her water bag started to leak, and she waited four days and then started to have her baby. So your first baby, if you have a water bag leaking, I would just, like, keep that shit on the low because it will happen when it's naturally supposed to happen. There's no need to rush it. You know? So I feel I was induced because she had me drink castor oil so that we could get the contractions started, which got me going and violently ill. So then I was puking and and diarrhea, like, my whole labor, it was so confusing. I I can't keep even a glass of water down and ended up in the hospital No. With Lewis. They we went to the hospital. They couldn't get a vein at they couldn't get one of my veins to accept the needle. The midwives were in the dark in this tent, and I really don't think they have much experience with needles because at the hospital, of course, the nurse was, like, slick of a wrist, and the needle goes directly in my vein. They asked me if I was a a a drug user, an intravenous drug user because my arm was all bruised up from the midwives trying to change the vein. God. Okay. And It's not funny, but it's kinda funny. And then she starts crowning, like, freaking minutes after I have this fluid. It was like my body just filled with liquid and then boom, my uterus ejects. So they're literally, like, forcing me to put this belt on my stomach, which I was asking them, please, please, no, no, but they wouldn't let me take off this belt, Spiegel heart monitor thing. And they put my legs in stirrups, which honestly is, like, kind of a nightmare. I feel, like, so exposed. It's not my thing. I'm super embarrassed. And they were asking me, my address as her head was frowning. Oh my god. I'm so proud of you. Like yeah. They weren't, like, letting me, like, have my baby. They were just like I was literally, like, six four nine ultra pink bikini and, like, telling them my address. Oh, it's not funny. I heard from a
Speaker 3
I heard from a nurse one time that she, in some class she had taken, was instructed to ask questions during a contraction.
Speaker 2
Oh my god. That'd be insane. Wow. So then I was I tore, like, a mother Horse. Bunker. Yeah. Race horse birth there. And I tore and this really kind of interesting woman sewed me up, of course. No anesthesia. It was all natural. This and that. I wanted to go home, so I stayed awake all night in that hospital bed for, like, five hours or six hours. The the doctor got in. She was born at one twenty in the morning, and the doctor got in at six AM. And and we were cleared, and I hobbled out of there with, like, blood dripping down my legs. Seriously. Oh, mama. Damn. You know, it was all good, and I channeled later that it was to understand the pain of the divine feminine in a new way and to, you know, open up my root chakra literally to become wider and more of a chalice, more of a well instead of, like, a tiny little non birth portal. So it was all for my benefit even though it was challenging and hard. And then nine months postpartum, I literally have sex once with their dad and become pregnant. And the first thing that my brain hears is you get to do this on your own. Every single thing will be your choice your way. I was like, okay. I still don't wanna be pregnant. I was like, this is so hard. I just had a baby. What is going on? And he was really nice. I feel like that was one of the only times he was really that nice to me as he said, you know, this is our baby. Like, this is our baby. So and thank God that I didn't, like, wispy out on that because that pregnancy was so hard, by the way. Sastya's pregnancy was relatively chill. I mean, I was a little bit tired, but I wasn't sick or or crazy large. With Balani, I was so large. I was a giant. Like, within a couple of months, I looked seven months pregnant. No joke. And people kept saying, you have twins. This is twins. This is twins. This is twins. I got it everywhere I went all day long. And I would put my hands on my belly at night. Oh, and by the way, I was obviously not going to the doctor or doing anything. I was, like, hiding the fuck out in the forest. We moved into this place called the treehouse, the stage. It was literally a treehouse. I just planned my birth by myself with source, and I just felt connected to Source, what I would call Source. Very connected. I limited my technology. I limited my outside exposure to people. I meditated for, like, a whole pregnancy, and there was only a couple oh, and my girlfriend Shyla Rae had just delivered her own baby in her teepee that Christmas, so I had her as an inspiration. Hell, yeah. Plus, you know, birth as we know it, you know, birth into being, my favorite film. I had all the unassisted birth stories from the whole pregnancy with Satya. I was interested in unassisted birth, obviously. I just couldn't decide whether or not to go that way. I I asked around, and people were not telling me yes. So I ended up choosing the midwife, which, you know, bless her soul, she was a new midwife. So she was pretty much trained to panic in a leaky water bag situation, which I feel is is the real sad part of that story because Well, and it's
Speaker 3
it's her rules and regulations. Even experienced elder midwives that that I, you know, have apprenticed with in LA do the same thing. Like, with a licensed midwife, that was gonna happen, unfortunately.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Exactly. So had unless I had known better and just been, like, not calling the midwife. Whatever. So, yeah, Bavani's birth was beyond epic. It was, like, the most insane ride. I woke up at four so I had no due date. Everyone thought it was twins. I would put my hands on my belly and feel one baby. I thought this is a big baby. I think it's a boy. So I named her Kush Del Krishna Jha. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was gonna be Kush. Well, I wanted Kush Krishna Jha, but we added Del from the grate to my grandfather on my stepdad's side. So they would like the name because I knew they went like Kush. Right. And then she came at seven forty two in the morning. So four AM, I start feeling these, like, electric fish scales. Like, I can't that's why it this, like, energy moving down my body, and I start kinda pacing a little bit. And then when my water broke, I knew it was on, like, it broke. Oh, I forgot to tell you about the pregnancy. Oh my god. It was so hard. She was so heavy that I would have to I couldn't turn overnight. I had that they call it pubic symphysis diastric. You know, the knife in your pubic bone? Louise Hayes says it's protection from a mate sexually. Sexual protection from a mate. So I resonate with that one for that pregnancy. But, by the time the water bag broke, you know, I had no due date, no idea when she was coming. I thought she would come in March because I was so huge. But she ended up coming April second, so it was out of nowhere. But when that water bag broke, I knew for sure because it broke like in the movies, like, you know, all over the floor. And there was a chair in my treehouse, one chair, that I would just sit down in and fall asleep. I would pass out, and then I would wake up and circle my hips. I would stand up and circle my hips, and this probably went on for, like, an hour. Then I thought, I wanna get in my tub. I had a birthing pool in my bedroom. I wanna get in. I don't know if it's time. Maybe it will slow it down. I should and I heard over my third I literally loud. It was like, if you desire, it is time. Yes. So I, like, get in the water, and then I felt like I was running a marathon that must have been transitioned because I felt like I was doing laps around a football field. And I literally said I don't wanna do this again. And then I I hoisted my arm over the back of the birthing pool, and I felt inside my yoni to see if, like, I could figure out what was going on. And then I felt something, and I thought, is that me, or is that the bed? And then, oh, I think it's definitely the baby. And then universe said, you need to take a couple more contractions. Like, you need to take them. Like, hold on. And so it just, like, basically shook the shit out of me to open my cervix, I think, so that she would just cannonball out. She floated up like Christ on the cross, like arms outstretched, like like up to the top. And then I just, like, intuitively, like, you know, pulled the liquid out of her nose. It was probably a very trace amount. She just started breastfeeding. She never cried. But then after, like, an hour, I started to be like, I wanna get out of this tub where the hell is my placenta. Why is it not birthing? Let's get out into the bed and see what happens. We get to the bed. Another hour goes by. My placenta's, like, still in me. I started to have a little panic moment where we called a friend who's a midwife, who lives in Topanga, and she came over and said, you immediately need to go to the hospital. And I said, no. Actually, you're gonna give me some Angelica, and I'm gonna squat, and it's gonna plop out. Yeah. And so and and I said, oh, and we're gonna cut the cord. Like, let's just cut the cord because I I don't need to do this lotus birth thing or so it's just let's have this thing out. So she gives me the tincture. We cut the cord. She gives me the tincture in one of those orders. I slot and it flops out. So praise the power of your word, what you say and affirm to the universe.
Speaker 3
Yes. And this is not medical advice, blah blah blah. But don't go to the hospital until you've tried that. Yeah. Exactly. Often literally that simple.
Speaker 2
A a
Speaker 3
cough and a squat and some nursing and some intention and say, you know, chanting and I release you. I release you. I'm done with you. Thank you, placenta. Now get out. My birth is now complete. Like, I I have seen that happen pretty much every single time it's been tried. So, yes, I'm glad
Speaker 2
you brought that up. And I kept that tincture in the back of my mind for my next pre birth because I just wanted to have it on hand, and I did. And I took it, but I birthed the twin placenta within, like, minutes of the birth, so it was no big deal. But with Pavani, there was that little bit of energy there. Ate the placenta for both my older daughter's births. Felt like the recovery was definitely helped. Oh, one cool thing about Mourvani's birth I mean, obviously, Mourvani's birth was like spiritual ecstasy. I literally I did it. You know? I thought I can do this, and I did it. It was power. And I felt like my whole entire community was amazed, and so it was cool. And he
Speaker 3
Well, you're leading the way. Like, that is paradigm shifting for everybody that knows you in your community. You just you just created a new way for their consciousness to, like, understand birth.
Speaker 2
It's a big And it was so nice. It was so nice in my bed and my baby in my bed and my older baby just there in my in the water with me. You know? It was so beautiful. And I had a really fun, epic doula who was a good friend of mine. And she's she I didn't even pay her. She just her name's Anna. She gets with Make Me Smoothies. I didn't even really realize she was douling for me. So later, I looked back and thought, oh, Anna was my doula. I had that. I have, like, a tune. But I just surrendered to a great spirit, and I thought, you know, if you're gonna have me do this right again right away, can you please assist in this situation? I do not wanna, like, rip again. And who knows if I did tear? I don't know. I just naturally healed. And I did some spritzing on the yoni with herbs, but I didn't even know about yoni steaming yet, which yoni steaming is the shit. I literally love it. Like, it changed my postpartum. With the twins, I felt like recovery not only was recovery from twins better than recovery from a single birth, it just was a miraculous recovery with the but I only seen every day, but that's the end of my birth story, which So I do remember
Speaker 3
the thing you were gonna say. You went one thing about Bavani's birth. Do
Speaker 2
you remember? The ganja plant rung up rogue in the yard. And my pregnancy was a lot about that plant because I still had a fear that, you know, maybe it wasn't right for pregnant women before that, before doing that meditation, that deep work with spirit for the entire pregnancy, I didn't know for sure if the cannabis plant was for women with babies. And then after the entire pregnancy and the birth and just all the information I gathered, I know that it is a plant for women, specifically for pregnancy and birth. So, you know, in ancient China, it's called ma, the mother plant. It's always been this plant, and the programmings around it are really, really intense. And not only is it safe for mothers with children or for breastfeeding, it's safe for children. It's safe for babies, and it helps me a lot. So it was really powerful when the day she was born, and I was gonna name her, which I thought was a boy, Kush. These ganja plants sprung up in the yard, and, like, we were not you know, I was at the time, her dad was a musician. He's not, like, a ganja guy. So it was really an added confirmation from the universe. It was like, yeah, not only are you gonna have the best, most spiritually expanding, powerful birth that you've ever wanted to have, I'm also gonna confirm this plant to you in this way by having it just spring up in the yard. Then I had a tumultuous couple of years, but, eventually moved to Costa Rica. And, I mean, the story of me moving to Costa Rica is definitely long. It's got ins and outs and lots of I lived in the I lived on the road. We were asked to leave that tree house. I moved into a bus. I toured teaching yoga. We've led to Costa Rica through many different avenues, but I would say being hired there and flown there was the main reason that I was able to get there. And I backpacked about nine destinations after this retreat that I was hired to teach at. With the two daughters? Oh my god. Uh-huh. And a stroller. So and I have and I literally had, like, fifteen hundred bucks. Like, it was it was a spirit led I call it living spirit led when each moment you get guided, and that's how I deliver my babies too. So it's a powerful way to live. It really does work.
Speaker 3
Birth the way we live. Right?
Speaker 2
Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. We that so true. And everything. Just how we live our lives just bleeds out into everything that we're doing.
Speaker 3
Right. Birth is not like a a separated experience, you know. I mean, it's tried to be billed as that, but it's obviously not. So Yeah. Then you're in Costa Rica and you meet your man.
Speaker 2
So living in Costa Rica for all of two thousand sixteen and all of two thousand seventeen with a couple of trips, like, going to we did a retreat in Bali and a teacher training in Bali and did a teacher training in Oregon, and it was two thousand seventeen in Oregon that I met, the twins' dad. And there was a fire, and so he drove my bus down away from the fire in Oregon into California, and we were having this beautiful romance, and he was connecting with my older daughter so well. At the same time, I was being pursued by the California family court with their father who had claimed abduction. So it was, like, pretty scary and at the same time, absolutely amazing and full of light. And the universe was guiding and we ended up being guided to drive all the way home. So drove all the way to my house in Costa Rica. Oh my god. Yeah. And then went to a long quirk battle with the dad, which I eventually won. Thank you. Spirit. Yeah. Yes. So I have full custody, and, it was interesting because the the hiccup there in court was the fact that I don't have actual residency in Costa Rica. But it's because you need assets of over two hundred thousand dollars, like, you have to own land or you need to have a baby. And then during this court case, I'm pregnant. Like, the court I went to court seven months pregnant with twins. So that was a powerful, I feel, for the judge here to see that, like, no. I'm I'm I live here. This is where we are. This is not he's saying that I've abducted them, and I'm not stable, and I'm flying all over the world all the time, and they're not in school, and I all these things. So that was really cool. And, again, I wasn't a hundred percent when I first was pregnant with these twins, which I thought was one baby. Another huge baby. I thought it was gonna be, like, an eleven pound avatar truly. Alright. And that's the thing about Bavani's
Speaker 3
your experience with Bavani is it obviously set this groundwork to to to normalize a big belly and not Huge. Yeah. Totally. Wow.
Speaker 2
And so heavy. They were seven pounds each. Mhmm. Like, it was just it felt like bowling balls in my belly. But she was hiding. She was very quiet. She was really tucked behind her brother covered in the barnics, like, just hiding a little ghost in there. But, yeah. Wow. So incredibly heavy. So in the beginning of the pregnancy, I was unsure. I really had to sit and meditate and ask great spirit, like, what am I supposed to do? At the time, abortion was even illegal in Costa Rica. So I had a nurse in America looking to help me if I needed that as an option. I didn't know Ian very well. Again, I had already done the whole trust the universe after meeting a guy and knowing him for six months and having a baby with him, and it didn't work out. Yeah. So I was pretty terrified to do that again. You know? And at this point, I'm just like, whatever the universe brings my way, I take it head on and flow with it. So I really just didn't meditate, but then it was definitely clear that I was meant to be the mother of what I thought was gonna be another large son. The pregnancy was so hard, but I've just been through so much. Like, it honestly pregnancy and birth isn't the hardest thing that I've done in my life. Right. So I can relax into it. I know that the source is gonna protect me. I know that if I'm meant to go to the hospital or if I'm meant to hire a midwife, I'm gonna be told that through my meditation. I follow every moment. I'm not like the birth warrior, like, you will deliver at home. Like, quite frankly, if there was a fucking hospital staff that wanted to help me and it could be the way I want it, I would want that. Of course. I think a lot
Speaker 3
of women feel that way. And, you know, the birth warrior thing is, like, I don't know any woman who's ride or die home birth. You know? Every woman I've ever spoken to who free births is, like, obviously, I would use assistance if I was guided to that, you know? But but but they weren't if they weren't, you know?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Or if I had the kind of flow, like, some of these birth centers in other countries where you go for, like, two months and they wait on you hand and foot. Like, you're like, okay. Okay. Yeah. Let's do it. Sure. You wanna feed me every meal for the last month of my pregnancy and post partum? Great. Let's do this. Give me a give me a hospital full of staff, but as long as I'm telling them, you know, what I want and ultimately can birth however I want alone because I like to be alone. I'm like, oh, in a nest. That does not exist. Thank you. That's why we are forced to be these weird birth warriors in this day and age is because we don't have any other option. And I'm not trying to pay someone thousands of dollars to deliver my baby when I wanna be the one to do it. So, you know, I I did let my partner in on this birth. I wasn't sure if I was going to. I thought maybe I'll just do it on my own by myself. I don't know. I did not do any ultrasound. I I am not, like, a fan of ultrasound. I did get a doctor. He is the angel of this area. He pretty much handles most the women I know that have any sort of alternative birth vibrational energy. He's amazing. His name's doctor Arcia. Highly recommend him. He was my, like, checkup doctor. You know? I would just go to him and have, like, blood pressure and these types of things, and he listened to the heartbeat. Later on, one of my later checkups, which I did all the checkups so that I would have the correct paperwork for residency and for all of these things, the birth certificates in Costa Rica. I don't wanna call any attention to my birth or my pregnancy because I don't want any nosy sniffing around that don't belong. Yeah. You gotta play the game. Yeah. I keep kinda quiet and just did this these little visits, and he would listen with a stethoscope and heard one heartbeat. Now later on, when I had a checkup, he was like, I wanna look in there. And I was like, I bet you do, doctor. Because doctors wanna look,
Speaker 3
you know,
Speaker 2
they wanna look. Crazy shit
Speaker 3
to say.
Speaker 2
Well, I was huge. I was huge. I knew exactly what he wanted to look in. Totally. Because I was it was abnormally large
Speaker 3
and it was just over. And doctors love their toys.
Speaker 2
And that's their instrument. Yeah. That's how they that's how they do the work that they do, which I do think some of the work that they do is definitely valid. I think a lot of it is disconnected from the truth, obviously. But, anyways, I was like, okay. I'll think about it. Knew that I definitely wasn't coming back before I was gonna be having these babies. I thought I was gonna have them in September because I thought it was gonna be one, and I think it was enormous. So all of September, I'm in prodromal labor. Do you do you know anything about prodromal labor? Of course. Okay. Of course. Well, I'd never heard of it before. I found out about it on YouTube during while it's happening to me. I cannot believe that shit. I was in labor. Like, you know how people say, I was in labor for eighteen hours. I'm like, I was literally in labor for thirty fucking days. It was so intense. Everyday, all day, and all night, sweating, contractions. It's just, it was really hard. And by the time they came out on October sixth, I had no idea that I was in real labor because I had been in labor for thirty days.
Speaker 3
Okay. Hold on. So how did you know
Speaker 2
it was real labor?
Speaker 3
At what point in like, was it when a baby came out? Like, at what point did you know?
Speaker 2
So I'm in my bed sweating, and I was having crampy contractions, which felt a little different to me. So I get up and start circling my hips. I got a strong signal, like, no. Don't circle your hips. Just stay comfortable. And then another thought, like, this could go on for thirty more days. Like, you don't even know. So I lay down and I start listening to a hypnotherapy or hypnobirthing thing. I don't remember what one, just a random YouTube. And just sweating, just sweat pouring and just laying in the bed sweat pouring. I think I wanna stay comfortable in my legs. I'm gonna draw a bath, and I I have a huge bathtub that I had prepped for my birth. And so it was full tank of gas, you know, ready to rock and filled it up. But I really didn't know, like, this is the birth. I literally thought this could go on another week. And I told Ian I was like Actually, that's crazy. I was like I told Ian I was like, I'm so fucking uncomfortable right now. I'm just gonna get in the bath just because I I literally can only float. Like, I can only float. That's all I can do. So he I go go back to the shed. He was doing some construction stuff in our little work shed. So twenty minutes later, he comes back and I just go, I don't really want you to leave me right now. I was like, why don't you get in the bath with me? I literally had no idea I was giving birth. Then I had some movements. My own physical body did some movement that looking back, like, how I didn't know I was in labor is bizarre. But I was twirling my hips in the water, and I wasn't doing it. Like, I was being puppeted. My hips were, like, doing this gyrating thing. I was floating on my back with this, like I can't even explain it because that wasn't circles, and it definitely wasn't me. So the universe was moving me. Like, I was having god wazoo. I swore. So crazy, but god birthwatsu is how I would say these twins came through. Then I swung my arms around Ian's neck, and that's when the possessed voice I had a possessed voice say to me, are you ready for this? This is so weird. It's funny, and lots of women think this is funny when they listen to my podcast I did with Rachel. I say comes out my mouth, the ring of fire. I literally had, like, a man's demonic voice. I say demonic because it was not my voice, but, you know, ancient shamanic. But for me, this was, like, shamanic, like it was just announcing the head. It was, like, a ring of fire. And then and then out came his head. And I just looked at Ian, and I was like, it's Hedbourne. And he goes, what? Because he didn't know I was having the baby. Like, he really didn't know I was having the baby. Nobody did. But it was just me and him. And then, outside his body, we lift him up, kiss kiss. It's our son. Oh my god. Like, the second he gets born, my friend Melissa pulls up to the house with my daughters. They had been out for the day. No one knows when I'm having a baby so far. They show up the second he's born. Then she intuitively thought I should walk them down the driveway and give them space for this birth. We're kissing him. I'm thinking this placenta is painful. I'm like, this is about to be my placenta is coming. I was like, oh, this feels awful. And then out shoots two legs, and boom, the legs are dangling. And I I feel it, and I turn to him and I go, it's legs. It's a yoni. It's a baby. And he's just like, what? And so then I have the intuition to get her out quick. Spirit, whatever was guiding me, said get her out fast. I wrap my arms around her trunk, and I push with my Yoni and pull a little bit with my hands twice, and out she comes all the way out. When she comes up, it's obvious she's not breathing. So I start, like, trying to get the liquid out of her nose just like I did with Bavani with my mouth. Nothing's happening. I start, like, pushing air into her mouth. Nothing's happening. I then my friend Melissa is all of a sudden in the kitchen. She's an RN, and in the back of my mind, I felt like it wouldn't hurt you to have your best friend who's an RN at your birth taking care of your kids. Like, that wouldn't hurt. And I had asked her about three weeks before, do you think you could resuscitate a baby that wasn't breathing? And she had said, yes. Like, all this stuff so obviously. Because in that moment, I just go, hey, Melissa. Can you come here for a second? And I go, there's two babies. Can you help me get this one breathing? So she jumps in the bathtub. She starts, like, doing the, the heart with palpation with her thumb, and I go, be gentle. Like, I really forcefully say that. Obviously, it wasn't me. Like, I was being guided. I say, be gentle. She goes, there's a pulse. And then I blow one more time and she goes, make sure you get a seal over the mouth and the nose. And I blow one more time and then she starts breathing. So tiny moment of, like, is this the way this is going down today? It's, like, what my mind thought. It wasn't there was no emotion. There was I was emotionless. I was being guided. I was not in the driver's seat, and my strength for lifetimes was the at the helm. And then, boom, we, like, had happy times in the tub surrounded by flowers, and I birthed the placenta. And Melissa and Ian had to help me, obviously, get from the bathtub to the bed. I stayed the only thing I regret about this birth was I stayed uncomfortable on the bed for a while. Like, maybe, like, an hour and a half, I was, like, uncomfortable, and I didn't move into a proper position. And then when I finally did, it felt like heaven. And we did a cord burning ceremony, which I had never done before, and that was incredible. Love that. High recommend. A nurse like champions. It just was epic. So wow. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Just wow. You know? It's it's, like, so profound to hear your backstory and even just to, you know, I'm getting the privilege of watching you tell this story. Everyone else will just be hearing it. But to really see how everything in your life had prepared you for this massive surprise, for lack of a better for lack of
Speaker 2
a better word. You know,
Speaker 3
and and the, you know, I mean, I've I've been in in those rooms, the intensity of of supporting a baby to come to the earth, you know, supporting them to be here and to wake up into their body out on the outside. And, just just the the beauty of how it all came together and your your wisdom and your ability to follow guidance and and be present and be in the realness of it. And I would love for you to speak to, like, how that integration was for you to wrap your head around that you had been carrying two babies all along Yeah. And the legs versus placenta. Because it seems like you integrated it so well. But yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Let's talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. No. Having two babies instead of one, you look back and think how the fuck didn't I know? That you feel dumb. It's like, I feel stupid. Yeah. But Bovani is huge. True. But there were times when we were hands on the belly and the baby was doing things and it's like, oh, there were two. That's why it was like the exorcist in there.
Speaker 3
Octopus baby. Yeah.
Speaker 2
What the hell? What because there were times when we're like, what part of the baby is this? Like, trying to and it was her head next to his ass. You know? They were sixty nine, like, yang and yang and that. You know?
Speaker 3
I see. I see your your story, and I've only ever heard of one other surprise twin story in free birth. And, both of them, it seems like it really speaks to the power of perspective. Because if you're not looking for it, you can totally miss it.
Speaker 2
I mean, yeah, and it was so heavy. It took me forty minutes to take a pee because it the walk to the bathroom was so slow, and it was just literally a prayer to God to help me walk every night. I I can't even explain it. It was so heavy. I had that pubic synthesis for half the pregnancy, then I got some really amazing chiropractic and body work and just pretty much floated the last four months in my ginormous bathtub. That's all I could do. They were so heavy. And the patience that I feel I had to have is beyond the normal patience of a normal woman. And I do have a very extraordinary back story. It's the last twenty years of my life has been, you know, so much trauma and so much getting stronger, stronger, stronger, stronger that I don't I don't know. I I I was really impatient at the end. That thirty days prodromal labor, I'm even impressed with myself with that because to think you're in labor every single day and just not have that freaking clue. But I looked online and other women are like, yeah. I go to the hospital and they send me home. And at this point, like, I'm not going to the hospital. I don't believe that they have, like, anything to offer me unless I've broken my leg and I need the bone set or something.
Speaker 3
So if you had somehow known it was two, if that doctor had picked up two and confirmed it or whatever, would that have shifted how you birthed?
Speaker 2
I think so. I think it would have given me a fear that I didn't have before. You know, that's not like
Speaker 3
yeah. I mean, that's another credit to how she stayed hidden, you know, even from the stethoscope is, you know, of course, our babies are active cocreators and participants Exactly. Story. And it's kind of cool and beautiful that she stayed hidden so that you could birth in blissful ignorance.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So that I didn't know that I was gonna have a breech twin because anyone else who knows they have a breech twin has to get cut open, and that's in Costa Rica or the or America. I did see a video when I was pregnant with Satya of a woman birthing her breech twins in her bathtub. Do you have you seen that video? It's like the woman stands up from the toilet and breaches her she pulls them out by the legs. Mhmm. Yeah. That video I thought was dope. Why I thought that was cool? I don't know. Obviously, because years later, I was gonna do the same thing. And I know you're not supposed to pull out a breach twin, but that's why I was guided to be in the moment. You know? So Well, and I don't think it's different.
Speaker 3
I think it's different when it's the mother's guidance versus a provider or a partner or or someone outside of your body. It's just like a provider, in my opinion, should never pull on the cord, for of the placenta. But if the mother feels feels guided to pull and provide traction, of course, that would make sense. So I trust mother's guidance above all else, you know, and obviously,
Speaker 1
it was the right move for your baby.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And especially mothers who are looking to be guided. If you're not looking to be guided and you're looking for guidance outside of yourself in the fourth dimension from other people around you, like, good luck with birth, honestly. Because you've gotta find the voice of intuition. You've gotta find yourself grounded to earth mother. You've gotta get yourself on the the true vibration instead of the vibration of mostly fear control and financial abundance for greedy peeps. And, you know, it's something if
Speaker 3
if this is like a new concept to you hearing that, you know, I wanna just offer that it will happen in your birth, you know, if not before, but and it's been happening to you your whole life. But it is something that you can trust if you can create an environment that is quiet enough and centering you. It will happen. Like, it just comes through a woman in labor. But you have to create you have to take responsibility for creating the environment so that you can hear it.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And no one's gonna deliver your baby for you. That's the main thing that we we need to empower ourselves as birthing women is that it is up to us and the baby and great spirit. That's the most powerful trio right there for delivering your baby is you, your connection to source energy, and your baby's soul. And a lot of souls come through certain past life energies, and that's not anything you can control. So to also beautifully surrender to what you cannot control and to to know that not everything's always gonna be, like, super rad. Now I come from the place where it's, like, I'm always expecting to eat shit. I'm I'm constantly having to remind myself that, like, I can have a good life and good things can happen to me. I was not expecting this birth. This birth was out of this world. I was not expecting twins. I thought I'd rebirthed a huge boy, and no one would give a crap. And I'd be like a mother of a a son that, you know, I had to do some ceremonies during my pregnancy to accept a boy because I wanted a girl. I did. I was like, yeah. I was kinda mourning the fact. Now, obviously, my son is like my freaking husband. I'm obsessed with him. No. I'm kidding. I love him so much. And Yeah. I can't imagine life without either of them, but, you know, my heart even knew I was having the girl. Wow. I was like, my mind was mourning what my heart knew was gonna happen. So crazy. And she is just my angel on this earth, and she was not even breathing. She literally is an angel. She brings joy to every single person. It's just I'm so blessed to have Yeah.
Speaker 3
She sounds very angelic how she was kind of soft and hidden and her gen her transition to the earth plane and the mystery baby.
Speaker 2
And Absolutely an angel. Every single person that needs her smile should smile, but everyone, she's just so she's powerfully bringing gratitude and love to my life that I don't feel like I've had before. So and both of my babies are yeah.
Speaker 3
So back to that integration question, even to extend it to your partner as well, like, how how how was that integration process for you two as parents to have a surprise second child?
Speaker 2
Well, I was a single pretty much a single mom to Irish twins. So when set when Vivani, my second daughter, was born, I put my older daughter back on the breast and tandem nursed them. Wow. So I was kinda like they were my training for twins. I'd say the hardest part or the most most challenging part is the sleep deprivation for the first two months of having twins. That shit is like nothing else. I wow. However, not as hard as them inside me. The pregnancy is by far the hardest. So if you're having a hard pregnancy, you're getting stronger. That's the main lesson. Pregnancy is hard because we're getting stronger, and that's the process of getting stronger. It's like push ups for the soul. Keep breathing deeper, Do less. No. Comfort yourself more. How can you get comfortable right now is the question, and then do that for yourself. That's also how you kick up your intuition. Give yourself what you want. Practice saying, what do I want? And then doing that. I I was such a depriver of so many things for most of my life that my births and my pregnancies are really about what what do I want? I'm the queen of this castle right now, and I'm telling you, great spirit wants these babies to be born. The universe at large wants us to have successful pregnancies and births. That being said, we do have lots of, energies from past lives and wounds from past lives that we're here to work out. And so to have something wrong to say happen in your birth, it's part of it. We've all I I believe it's all chosen, you know? Well, I mean, we're in
Speaker 3
a system that is deeply anti woman, so you're up against, you know, you're up against a lot if you're birthing in the system.
Speaker 2
Exactly. And if you don't have the ability or the consciousness or the desire to do some solo birthing, then it's gonna be hard right now because I feel like being around other people, at least for me, the other people that kind of hindered my experiences. But that's just my process, and I'm sure other women are meant to have a team of women like like the elephants, how the elephants stand around the woman and and support her. I'm all about it. But just in my case, I'm the lioness who births by herself. Yeah. So the integration with the twins, I feel like, again, I was prepped with my first two with the nursing. So other than the all night, like, I was literally awake all night for two months, which was really hard. He is just new to all of it. So Ian's not he's just he's just grateful. He just can't believe it. Every moment, every day, he's like, I just can't believe it. Can't believe I live in Costa Rica. I can't believe I have twins. I can't, you know, can't believe it's Tatiana Bovani's dad. Like, he just he's in a constant state of disbelief and, for the most part, gratitude. Sure. Sometimes he loses it like the rest of us, but, yeah. No. Having twins has been really, really cool. It's definitely harder than one baby. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 3
Of course.
Speaker 2
How could it not be? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But it's been beautiful, obviously.
Speaker 3
You're just such a good example of of, you know, when when we when we bow to magic, magic happens. You know? When
Speaker 2
we Exactly. It's just all
Speaker 3
it's all the tilt of perspective. It's all there all the time, always. Obviously, we are, you know, we are god consciousness. We are source. And and and you're such a, yeah, beautiful example of just being open to it and naming it for what it is and and letting magic flow. And that doesn't mean it's one thing fucking easy and butterflies
Speaker 2
at all. No. No. No. It's not at all. It's hard. I mean, all of it's hard. It's designed to be hard so that we can get stronger and we can evolve and we can rise. And the time is now. Things are shifting now. Like, we had their charts read pretty soon after they were born, and they're here to do this type of work. They're here to do, like, wow. Look at this new way we can do things. That's what their chart's all about. They're they have twenty five degree Mars in Aquarius, so this is the sign of that ultimate rebel. And they're just here to lead the way as far as new ways of doing and being that are probably pretty rebellious to the system at large, Mars and Aquarius. So exciting to to to know them and to watch them, and I hope they're not two Aquarius detached. My astrologer was like, they'll probably leave home at thirteen. And he also said that by the time they're three, we're gonna start hearing from them as far as what all this new energy is all about. So we don't know. Let's let's
Speaker 3
circle back when they're three.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 3
You have podcast on it.
Speaker 2
Exactly. Awesome. So yeah. I would say my last thought would be to anyone who's considering pre birth, or to consider, you know, being I call it sovereign birthing, so I've always called it since I had Vivani. I felt like, you know, it really is no one's business. It's my business. And just to really trust this call that you have inside. Just trust it. Go for it. Trust whatever it is that's coming through you and let yourself have this desire. Let yourself do the thing. Give yourself permission. Mhmm. Love it. Yeah. So good. This was a a
Speaker 3
a long a long desired, connection for me. So I'm really glad we got to
Speaker 2
Me too. We kind of struggled, and I'm in a hallway, but I hope that wasn't too loud. But I love talking to you.
Speaker 3
Story. Awesome. Thank you, girlfriend.
Speaker 2
You're the best. Thank you so much. You're the best. Keep doing your amazing work. You're so inspirational. Mhmm. And we need you. We need you. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the Free Birth Podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
