Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in child childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emilee
Speaker 1
Saldaya.
Speaker 2
There are lots of different ways to interact with free birth society and our work in the world. We have our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth, which is an incredible online course jam packed with everything we think one would want to know to feel confident to birth in their power. We also recently released a companion course full of meditations, sacred rituals, and journaling prompts to support in releasing fear and tuning in to your ancient womb wisdom. We, of course, have our private membership if you're looking for a community of like minded, radical, and wild women, and you can apply for that on our website. We offer personalized one on one transformational coaching with the focus on learning the tools to move out of victim consciousness and into self responsibility, which is quite frankly freedom. And it's worth mentioning that if you've been drooling over our mother loving retreat in Dominican Republic this coming February, we do have a few spots left open, and you should totally come join us in a magical week in paradise. Find out more about all of this on our website, free birth society dot
Speaker 1
com.
Speaker 2
We are joined this week by my friend Michelle, who free birthed her daughter earlier this year in total courage, trust, and power. Michelle is from Alberta, Canada, and was coerced into a c section with her son almost a decade ago because of his breech presentation. Having had her birth stolen from Michelle, a fire was lit in her spirit to learn more, become a birth worker, and to eventually birth in sovereignty. Michelle also shares the painful journey of breast feeding challenges and her incredible commitment to seeing it through.
Speaker 1
I didn't have the best childhood specifically relationship with my mom, and so I think that had a huge influence on my pregnancies and, my birth with with my son. Yeah. And, yeah. I I knew when I was expecting my son that, I felt really connected to a male energy, and that was a huge relief for me. My mother wound was pretty huge, and I felt like a daughter I just wasn't wasn't ready for, at that time. So I was married, really young, twenty twenty one, pregnant with my son pretty pretty soon after that. And, I thought that I kinda knew more about birth and pregnancy than than most people did. I was always really interested in it, but somehow, just kinda didn't didn't know enough to to really take charge of things. So I was, expecting my son. I was in a province at the time that didn't offer, midwifery, wasn't covered, in Canada. Obviously, it's mostly covered, by the government. So I did go into the obstetrical system just not wanting to pay out of pocket and not really valuing any other way, not really knowing any other way. We did move partway through my pregnancy with him to a province that did cover midwifery, but I was not able to get in with a midwife, so I stayed in that obstetrical system. My pregnancy was challenging. I think mostly emotionally, really working through a lot of my childhood stuff, but not super consciously. Just wasn't I wasn't there at the time. And, yeah, I I didn't enjoy my my care that I received in the system at all. There was a lot of focus on the weight gain that, amount of weight. I gained sixty pounds with him. I yeah. I didn't feel really healthy. I didn't enjoy my pregnancy. I had always imagined. I'd always loved pregnant women and thought, you know, pregnant women are goddesses, couldn't wait to be pregnant. And then when I was, I just didn't feel that way.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
So, yeah. I think looking back, it was just unpacking a lot of stuff that I wasn't able to really dig into.
Speaker 3
It's almost like experiencing it as something happening to you instead of you are it, like, embodying
Speaker 1
it. Totally.
Speaker 3
You know, which is how it's talked about and taught to us. You know, that it's this, like, horrible thing that just happens to women.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 3
You know? And then we just have to, like, suffer through it. And so it kinda when when you when you pregnancy, especially knowing you through your second pregnancy and how different it was for you, yeah, it kinda feels like in line with that narrative of, like, it's just happening.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Absolutely. So I guess kind of moving to the end, of my of my pregnancy. I, of course, had in my mind that I was gonna give birth early and, yeah, that obviously usually doesn't happen. I think most women try to predict their birthing times. But in the final weeks, went for a a visit with the OB and, I was told I was to have an ultrasound. It wasn't even presented as an option, so I was given an ultrasound in her office. And she put the the probe, whatever, you know, right on my upper abdomen under my right breast, and there was his face. And so I knew immediately, he was breech. I didn't know before, which is funny looking back because I remember thinking I had the biggest foot ever in my ribs, but, of course, it was his head.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And, just I think probably, like, the blood drained from my face. I was completely overwhelmed. On the waist
Speaker 3
Did you know breach meant c section already?
Speaker 1
I did then. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I
Speaker 3
What a terrible feeling that must have been.
Speaker 1
It, yeah, it was it I won't ever forget how I felt in her office. Yeah. Driving there, I was to go to that obstetrician, it had been a huge disaster even just trying to find an obstetrician at the time. And I was driving, like, forty five minutes from my home to to see this woman. And I forgot my cell phone, when I was heading to that appointment, and my husband at the time wasn't able to get off work. So I went to this completely by myself and without my phone. Partway there, I was like, oh, do I turn back from my phone? Of course, I didn't. I didn't wanna be late for this appointment and you know? And I she put it on, and she said, oh, you know what that means, don't you? C section. And I just remember her telling me, we're not going to let you touch your due date. So there was
Speaker 3
It's a weird way of putting it?
Speaker 1
It it was. And it's funny, but you never forget even, like, the exact verbatim language that they with you.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
So, she's telling me right there, you know, scheduling a c section. I think they had scheduled it for Thursday, and this was Monday or Tuesday of of the same week. And, yeah, very overwhelming, very upsetting. I left immediately to try to find a pay phone back when pay phones were still around and, to call my husband and just sobbed and told him what had happened. Yeah. So that was really, really upsetting for me. I I considered acupuncture, as, you know, an option to try to turn the baby. But at this point, I would felt really backed into a corner. I was told, you know, this is how it's gonna be. And she seemed quite pleased when she told me I was gonna have a c section. Yeah. And And
Speaker 3
you only had, like, three days?
Speaker 1
It was yeah. It was only a couple days. Yeah. I think it was, like, a Tuesday and she booked it for Thursday. Yeah. It it was. Yeah.
Speaker 3
And this is the classic, like, do you have options if you don't know any? Or whatever the line is. You don't have options if you don't know you have any.
Speaker 1
Right. Exactly.
Speaker 3
Like, if that's just all that you're being shown, Yep. Then that's what it is.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And I had done that whole, prenatal class that's held within the hospital, which is really just telling you how to be a Complicit Right. Subordinate. Yeah.
Speaker 3
That should be the title of the workshop. Learn to be a complicit subordinate.
Speaker 1
They they spent probably half that class going over inductions. Right?
Speaker 3
Of course.
Speaker 1
So and really normalizing that process.
Speaker 3
Right. Which is totally makes sense. Like, that's Right. Appropriate because you're gonna get induced. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And you'll need an epidural if you're induced
Speaker 3
because Of course.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And she told us that too. So, anyways, that was really, really tough news for me. I really wanted to to consider, you know, turning him. Obviously, ECV wasn't offered to me, which I'm glad because I may have been tempted and knowing what I know now, I would never ever do that. So yeah. So when I was thinking about maybe doing acupuncture, I knew that I didn't have any there's no follow-up. So if what if he did turn? Right. You know, it didn't really matter. She wasn't gonna see me again. It was booked. She was going to extract my baby from me kind of regardless. I didn't I I was just like the roller coaster, so I didn't bother doing anything like that. During my pregnancy, I had been quite nervous about breastfeeding, so I hired a doula more with that support in mind. I didn't even understand why I would truly need one through labor and delivery, even going into the obstetrical model within a hospital. So hired this this doula. She was, training to be an IVCLC at the time and, yeah. So she agreed to to come out to the hospital after to help with breastfeeding, just be present. I just wanted somebody to show up and help me that wasn't a hospital staff member. And when I told her about, you know, the c section, she basically said, well, there's no one trained to do a vaginal birth, around here at all. So you can, you know, you can try acupuncture. You can try whatever to turn the baby. But, yeah, this is kind of your only option for a safe baby, a safe delivery. Looking back, I I wonder had she normalized any other option for me? Had I, you know, had something like the Freebirds Society, would I have made a different choice? But anyways, that this is my story. So, yeah. On the day that he was we were supposed to go to the hospital for him to be born, I I hadn't slept at all the night before. I spent the whole night researching, urinary catheters. Catheters. I was so nervous about getting this urinary catheter prior prior to my c section, and I didn't sleep at all. Woke up the next day. Of course, you're not supposed to eat. If I didn't eat, I was quite nauseous, and, was all ready to go to the hospital and checked my voicemail, and they're like, oh, actually, we bumped you to tomorrow. So here I've, you know, done the fasting, been super stressed out, and I got bumped a day. So my husband went to work, left me on my own with my thoughts, and, we were scheduled for it the Friday. Instead, I at least did sleep that night, just from pure exhaustion and woke up and went to the hospital. And that again was super disorganized. They forgot they had booked us in. I was hooked up to an IV straight away. We got there early in the morning, and I just kept getting bumped back, bumped back. So, they kept just pumping me with fluids. I was really swollen from all of that. Bet. And he was born on a Friday night, after nine PM. And Oh my god. They even said to me, oh, you're lucky you didn't get pushed back. But, of course, they didn't push me back because they didn't wanna deliver him on a weekend. So, I spent the whole day just, yeah, waiting to be
Speaker 3
kind of
Speaker 1
It was really Not
Speaker 3
at all. Not being
Speaker 1
allowed to eat, so I was already told not to eat the day before. My husband's
Speaker 3
factory, dude. It's a torture factory.
Speaker 1
It was. Yeah. My husband was sneaking me, Swedish berries and the insides of his Oreos because in our minds, those would be, like, more liquid and less we were all worried about acid.
Speaker 3
That's hilarious.
Speaker 1
It's so yeah. It was so stupid. And so I was starving and not well nourished and, all of that going into it. And, they asked me if I wanted to listen to music in, you know, in the room, and I just remember laying there and being like, please. It was the worst experience just laying on that table.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And, yeah, first question I asked was, is he still bummed first? Because I was just so worried. Had he even turned? Nobody checked me. Nobody palpated. There was no very You
Speaker 2
didn't get an ultrasound before the situation?
Speaker 1
They didn't care. They did not care. So yeah. So, yeah, that was really, really rough. I remember not being treated very well by the nurses afterwards. Mhmm. My doula came right in to help me with breast feeding, so that was a whole other layer to everything that was going on. And my the IV had come out. They didn't wanna put it back in because they were discharging me, but, of course, that was how I was getting pain medication. So they just took it out and left me. I on the way home from the hospital, I was passing I passed out just due to pain before I could get home and get some some like, get my prescription filled and get the pills for at home. It was a really terrible, really, traumatic experience. And that was my initiation into motherhood. So yeah.
Speaker 3
That was so painful.
Speaker 1
Then I'm
Speaker 3
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Then I'm left at home breastfeeding the struggles. You know, no relationship with my mother or support there. Yeah. It was a it was really hard with breastfeeding with my son just because that feels like such an important part of my journey. It looks like pumping a lot in the beginning, pumping to get my milk to come in. He didn't latch very well. Of course, he was handed off to a nurse or something, when he first came out, so I didn't see him right away. And then and there were no complications or no issues. The hospital that I was at, they didn't allow, you to have your child in the recovery room, so I was separated from him for an hour, an hour and a half after his birth. So we had sent him back down to the to our hospital room with my husband, and they did skin to skin while I was stuck in the recovery room. And, yeah, I remember just laying there with a male nurse and a female nurse on either side of me, and they were just carrying on their own conversation. I was the only person in the recovery room at the time, and they were talking about somebody getting drunk or something. And my mind was just blown that this was happening in front of me. There was no professionalism or compassion
Speaker 3
Totally.
Speaker 1
At all.
Speaker 3
So gross.
Speaker 1
And, they they told me I had to wiggle my toes before I could meet my baby. So I'm just, like, throwing all of my weight to try to get my foot to move. And then they, you know, quote, let me, back down to meet my son. So, yeah, breastfeeding was a challenge right from the get go. And a lot of I feel like a lot of the first few days were a blur. I was on painkillers. I had my doula come and do quite a few home visits with me, which I don't know how I would have made it through without that. Mhmm. And it it looked like a lot of pumping. She was working at the Newman Clinic, and we were close to Toronto, so I was able to go there for quite a bit of support as well. And they taught me how to use a lactation aid or, more commonly known as an SNS or supplemental nursing system. And I was able to express my milk, and then get him to latch and have the flow of that expressed milk at my breast in order to feed him. And so that was how I was feeding him for the first six weeks of his life. Wow. That was yeah. Lots of visits at the Newman clinic, lots of home visits with my doula, just to keep me going. And by the end of the six weeks, I mean, I had dealt with supply issues and just the emotional, you know, recovering from a traumatic birth and nobody, around me at all that could appreciate or, really validate that experience that I had had. So that was quite difficult to go through in that, you know, with no support.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Course. And then after about six weeks and just feeling, oh, I'd had mastitis and my incision opened up and just really everything that could happen did. So by the end of the six weeks, I had a bit of a breakdown, and I was like, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And I went to I still wasn't okay with formula feeding him, so I went to exclusively pump and bottle feed him. And I did that for, the first so for six months, and then I was able to introduce foods a little bit earlier to to my son than I would have so that he was being supplemented with whole organic foods rather than formula, you know, anything gross.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And, yeah. I think I had enough frozen milk to keep him with breast milk until he was about seven months and then that was the end of our journey. And I had I had held on to a lot of, regret, I think is probably the best word just about that. I really wish that I had had not only been able to give him my milk longer, but to have had that relationship with him that I feel like we both just really needed. So I have really valued breastfeeding and breastfeeding women, just a lot just because of that experience that I had.
Speaker 3
Oh.
Speaker 1
So, yeah. That was my son's birth and and, babyhood. I definitely didn't feel ready to have more children for quite some time after that.
Speaker 3
And you became a birth worker in that in that ten year gap. Right?
Speaker 1
Later. I started really gravitating to friends who were birthing, in the system and just really wanting to inform them and have you know, just provide information of, you know, what to expect and what you don't know going into it because I felt like no one told me. And, if anyone was, you know, struggling with breastfeeding, I mean, that just pulls my heartstrings and I would, you know, be there for, you know, my next door neighbor, my, you know, friends, you know, anybody I knew that that was having any trouble or that would be the first question I'd ask, like, how is breastfeeding going? And that was sort of my, beginning in the birthing world. I I still was holding on to a lot of my own unprocessed trauma, so I didn't feel ready to dive in yet.
Speaker 3
Yeah. That's good. That's responsible.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So, fast forward a few years, my marriage had ended. We ended up back in the province where, I was pregnant in. I've gone back and forth across the country a couple times. There's been a few big moves. So we ended up back out west again, and, marriage ended and, it was, a few years ago, I I I guess, like twenty twelve, I bought a copper IUD. Really not wanting to do any hormonal birth control. I had suffered from autoimmune illness that was idiopathic. So no one really knew what no one in the western medical world really knew what was going on with me. And, it was something that really affected my quality of life for a really long time, and I really didn't was just really not wanting to ever be on any pharmaceuticals if possible. And, I still needed to be in order to function. It was pretty severe, but I definitely didn't wanna be on birth control. That made me feel absolutely terrible, if not suicidal, and I just knew that that was really bad for me. So I chose copper IUD thinking that was a better option. And, other than, you know, really feeling it inside of me, like, all of the time, just being hyper aware of this foreign object inside of my womb, it worked, I guess, quote, worked
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
Until it didn't. So I did conceive with the copper IUD.
Speaker 3
Oh my god. I did not know that.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So I knew I had had some bleeding for probably a month before I really clued in. Wow. And it got really heavy. I remember there was one day at work. I think I bled through luckily, I had clothes in my car, but I bled through, two changes of clothes after what I had been wearing when I got to work. And I was like, okay. Something is really wrong here. And I went and bought a pregnancy test, and, of course, it was positive.
Speaker 3
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1
And I knew it was ectopic When when I took that test, I knew something was really, really wrong.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I would be very nervous to find out I'm pregnant on a copper IUD given how toxic it is. I yeah. Totally.
Speaker 1
Oh. So, wow. The funny part of that was when I had that positive test, I called my girlfriend and, she was working. I had to actually call her at work and get her coworkers to bring her to the phone, and I'm like, I'm pregnant. And she's like, yeah. Me too. And I'm like, Kate, no. But I have an IUD. She's like, yeah. Me too. What? So we both got pregnant at, like, exactly the same time with the copper IUD.
Speaker 3
And were they what was her pregnancy like?
Speaker 1
She has a she has a four year old.
Speaker 3
Oh my gosh. Okay. And yours was ectopic?
Speaker 1
It was. Yeah. So, I didn't know what to do. I had felt that it was on the left side for whatever reason, like, I could feel something. So I kept saying, I'm pretty sure it's on the left. Like, if you're gonna spend any time, you know, looking somewhere, and the doctor there thought that she felt thought she could feel it by palpating on my left side, which, of course, she could not. Mhmm. But she had, you know, in her mind, convinced herself that she could feel feel it on the left side and sent me in an ambulance to a bigger hospital. And, yeah, it was just complete chaos. I had more transvaginal ultrasounds than I can count. Brutal. And some of them were quite humiliating. Even one specifically with, a man, and yeah. Just him telling me he couldn't find it and basically that this whole situation was all in my head whereas someone else told me with a different ultrasound, it was the size of a kidney. It probably was a kidney they were looking at.
Speaker 3
Oh my god.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So that was a real nightmare. And, I they wanted to I had in the in the I actually had to go to the hospital, leave that hospital. They discharged me. Basically, thought it was all in my head. I did follow-up with the GP. They were doing blood work just for HCG levels every forty eight hours to monitor that. It kept going up for a while. I ended up back in another hospital, and I remember these two I don't know if they were interns, but they're two younger female doctors. And, of course, they send me to, like, the maternity floor, which was really upsetting when you're having an ecologist. Good. And they seemed really excited. Like, they got this case with the ectopic pregnancy, and, that was just yeah. It was really gross. They wanted to they presented me with two options, an injection of I think it had to be two injections of methotrexate, or they offered to surgically remove my fallopian tube.
Speaker 3
Woah.
Speaker 1
And I was like, okay. Wait. No. I'm not having surgery. Like, you're not taking my tube. Like, I need that. And the other option of of having the methotrexate, I did a little research on my phone because they didn't present me with much information, about it at all. And I realized that it was, used to treat cancer and that it depletes your body of folate. Having dealt with, an autoimmune illness for so long and it being idiopathic and I just felt like if I if I'm injected with this, this could really ruin my life. Like, this could just destroy my health, and it was already something that I was really struggling with. So I said, no. Thank you. And, I'd like to go now. And, I continued, doing I think I had another ultrasound after that just to make sure it wasn't getting bigger. I I'm not too sure why I went for that one, but I was they did continue to monitor me, and I, was okay with that with doing the blood Mhmm. Just to make sure that, you know, it wasn't growing.
Speaker 3
But so did they sorry if you're gonna get to this, but, like, so then nothing really they didn't really do anything?
Speaker 1
So I was just like, the options they gave me were, like, hell no. Right? Totally. So I went and I bought some moonstone because at the time that felt like the most supportive thing I could do, And I meditated, and I visualized letting go of this pregnancy. Wow. And it worked. So
Speaker 3
Hell, yeah, dude. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. What?
Speaker 1
Yeah. So I I was able to, I saw those those numbers come down. I did continue doing her blood the blood work every couple days, which was absolutely brutal. The the man in my life at the time was, the brother of the man that I worked for. So here I was leaving for all these appointments. I felt like everybody around me kinda already knew. I felt like he had told his sister, had told his brother, and it was it was really traumatic, just being in that environment and leaving for all of these appointments. And, yeah, it was it was a really rough time. So I didn't get the IUD taken out right away because I really just didn't want anybody to touch my body. Totally. I hated really honestly hated the medical system. I had no good experiences in it at all. And I started just really focusing on, my health and, started going down that journey with naturopaths and acupuncture and chiropractic care and, educating myself, and that felt like, yeah, the most important thing at that time. And that pregnancy felt really influential in my eventual, entry into birth work. Yeah. A couple years after that, I had been pretty much following, well, you know, my my version of the fertility awareness awareness method, I wasn't monitoring cervical fluid, but I had been monitoring my temperature and my cycle. Mhmm. And that was my method of birth control at the time. I did conceive again. I had mostly been monitoring my cycle that month, and then I had a huge argument with my partner. And I hadn't seen him for a week, And I just was like, oh, fuck it. I'm never gonna see him again, and I just stopped monitoring, my temperature. I would have ovulated very late that month, and knew exactly when I had conceived. And, yeah, I was very concerned when I did conceive because of what I had gone through with my previous two pregnancies. They were obviously really medicalized, and I felt like, oh, I'm high risk. So I did go for ultrasounds early with that one, which knowing now, I think that could have contributed to that miscarriage. Mhmm. But also where I was in that relationship at the time, it wasn't good. And I felt like what I had learned from my ectopic pregnancy was that I could really, go inward and release this pregnancy. So I didn't want to I I felt that I didn't wanna carry on with the pregnancy. My partner at the time definitely didn't want to, and that was really heartbreaking for me. So I I focused on releasing the pregnancy, which brought me a lot of peace to be able to do that just with, again, just meditation. Wow. So yeah. So after that experience, my relationship ended. That was completely devastating, having had a miscarriage and then, the end of that relationship. And that sent me on a path of deeper, spiritual discovery and growth, and I put myself in in therapy with a really great, therapist who did EMDR, and we just really started to dive into what I really needed to do. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what the next bit of my life looked like.
Speaker 3
Wow.
Speaker 1
I had, printed off I remember I printed off, like, you know, dual certification just like one of those standard courses. I printed off the pages of all the requirements, and I'd had that sort of in the back of my mind for a couple years if that was something I wanted to do, and didn't feel ready until I felt like my whole life just got completely turned upside down. And I was you know, when when you feel like everything's just kind of been, you know, ripped out from underneath you, you can start over somewhat fearlessly, and I started changing my health and changing my life. Cannabis was a huge part of my healing journey and, really helped me get off of all the pharmaceuticals that I was on and and relieve I mean, in combination with all of the other work that I was doing. I no longer have any symptoms of this illness that I had for, pretty much my entire life. Wow. And just yeah. A lot of healing. And then that felt like the right time to go in and do some doula training, which, of course, you know, I'll skip over most of that, but it really didn't it was really eye opening to do a, more standard training and just the way they spoke about things and and how triggering some things were, and it just didn't resonate with me at all. So that started to open me up to more radical birthkeeping. Yeah. Yeah. So my my pregnancy that was my free birth, I I feel like it was somewhere in between a conscious conception and not.
Speaker 3
Yeah. When I I was wondering too, like, when did you start to align with wild pregnancy and free birth? Was it prior to conceiving her or
Speaker 1
during Absolutely prior. Yeah. I had, you know, I'd attended a bunch of hospital births that were really traumatic for me. Just to witness what was going on was really brutal. Mhmm. And, I met my partner, and he, you know, he had I remember I think I went to a birth, like, within the first week or so of meeting him and him calling to check-in on me afterwards. And I think he FaceTimed me, and I was just bawling, like, uncontrollably. And
Speaker 3
I've been there.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And that one was that one was really hard, and really started to open my eyes that this isn't a rare thing. Like, this is like this is like everyone that enters the system. The people that report having, you know, good births in in my from my perspective are really just and they just don't really understand that there was abuse in their birth. So yeah, witnessed a lot like that and then witnessed a birth that was an accidental unassisted birth. And that was so eye opening. My doula training that I had taken, they were, you know, unassisted birth is irresponsible. Don't ever you know, you can't do that if you wanna certify and, just really yeah. That was sort of and I I didn't really that didn't resonate with me when they said that, but it also put a little bit of fear into me about it.
Speaker 3
Totally. Of course. I remember for me that part of why I was so susceptible to the brainwashing of unassisted birth being, like, something a doula shouldn't support is I think I also was experiencing this feeling of professionalism and pride to be aligned with this, like, new career. Right. And so, part of that initiation, I just didn't give it much thought. It was like, oh, okay, we don't do this. Like, okay, You know, I was so I was so easily, influenced because I was so proud to have found like a path.
Speaker 1
Right. I can relate to that a lot.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And I definitely wanted to be, like, accepted by by these women that were mentoring me in some way. Right?
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
So, I just serendipitously had ordered some some supplies prior to this birth, probably, like, you know, some electrodes for my TENS machine or whatever. And in with my order, I was sent a, quote, emergency baby catching kit. And I laughed, and I remember thinking, oh, I'll never put myself in, like, a situation where I'm, you know, before a midwife can arrive or whatever and, you know, tucked it into my bag and, you know, went on to this birth. Of course, I didn't need anything that was in that kit. It was just really funny that it arrived, right before that had happened. And, I witnessed this woman have a, VBAC at home that, like, she wanted when her midwives would have otherwise had her they wanted her to go to the hospital. So they were okay with her laboring at home and then they wanted her to go to the hospital, to deliver her baby. And she ended up getting her home birth, just like she wanted and it was beautiful and no one, you know, was messing with her and, yeah. So that that birth really, changed things for me. Any other home birth, I still saw so much intervention. And, yeah, I think even though she didn't intentionally free birth, and it you know, she still had the midwives there for part of her labor, they they actually left thinking that she was, you know, she was four centimeters and and then had her baby forty five minutes later, which was just beautiful. So it wasn't it truly wasn't a free birth, but it it really changed how I thought about free birth. Yeah. I found your podcast and really started to just dive into that, and that's what really changed my mind about free birth as being a really valid option for women, to birth. I knew before I had conceived, my daughter that I would be having a free birth, and a wild pregnancy. Just it sounded absolutely great and it was something I was was really comfortable with. And it was something that I had talked to my partner about before we had conceived. And I guess why I say that it wasn't, you know, a a truly conscious conception. We weren't, really trying, but we weren't preventing anything. We felt he had, he was concerned that he had some issues just with his own fertility, and he had had his sperm tested and was told it was, you know, quite quite low and that we might have some challenges. And I was first not wanting him to go get that test at all just because I feel like part of the journey is, you know, you don't need a doctor to give you a number and, you know, and does that even really mean anything and how will we act once we know this information?
Speaker 3
Because all of your previous pregnancies have been with the other guy.
Speaker 1
Yes. Well Okay. The first one was with my ex husband, and then I had yeah. In between. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Gotcha.
Speaker 1
So, yeah. So this is a new partner, and we were concerned that that we wouldn't be able to conceive. And I had an experience, with mushrooms, a couple months before conception, and I had felt my spirit baby around me for a while. I I definitely felt like, in this in this specific experience that I had, I felt her with me, and I felt the call to be with her earth side. And I was very emotional because I didn't think that in reality that that was going to actualize for me. I didn't think I was gonna conceive. I felt like she was waiting for me to do some work on myself, that I needed to grow before she would join me. And I cried the whole time and, you know, I just wanna be with my daughter. I just wanna be with her. And I felt very clearly and knowing that she was you know, she told me her name. It was Wolf. And, I told my partner this, and he's like, okay. Like, yeah. You know, we have a daughter. Her her name's gonna be Wolf. So he was yeah. That surprised me, and I thought that was really cool. And two months later, I conceived, and I was absolutely not expecting it. It really wasn't, planned. My partner and I weren't actually living together at the time.
Speaker 3
Wow.
Speaker 1
And yeah. And there she was. I found out on it was a summer solstice. I had a little bit of spotting. I wasn't expecting to bleed for another few days, and I knew I knew when I saw that. I just knew it was, like, implantation bleeding and that I was pregnant. I did take a test. I would love to do to have, you know, pregnancy where I didn't feel the issue. I know. But I did. I absolutely did need to pee on a stick. Yeah. We found out she was on her way, and I knew that it was her. I I really felt, deeply connected to her and I knew it was a girl. So, got of course, get a lot of questions when you're pregnant about, is it a boy or is it a girl? And I I would tell people, well, I don't know for sure, but I think it's a girl. And, of course, she was. There were some really hilarious signs, during my pregnancy, just seeing like wolves in in, like, the funniest settings, that just made me laugh and I try to take pictures of all these, you know, funny things where they popped up, and I just really felt her with me. I felt really comfortable doing a wild pregnancy, and so I did. I felt really healthy during my whole pregnancy. I actually felt so much better than I had throughout my pregnancy with my son aside from morning sickness and the first trimester, and I really enjoyed it. Mhmm. I didn't weigh myself at all. That had been something that was focused on so much in my first pregnancy that I tucked my bathroom scale away, and haven't taken it out. And so I haven't weighed myself in quite a while.
Speaker 3
How did you navigate the potential concerns around having another ectopic pregnancy?
Speaker 1
I think by this time, I I didn't have that fear. When I got pregnant after my ectopic pregnancy, I still was really holding on to that fear, like, what if it's ectopic again? I just didn't feel that it was. I felt that I had my baby in my womb. I felt that I knew where my placenta was. I felt that I knew where she was. I just didn't feel that I needed to do that. Cool. I did have a bit of a freak out, probably between, like, eleven and thirteen weeks when someone on Instagram had had, a baby with, just some birth defects and some issues, and that sort of sunk in. Like, wow. I'm trusting myself.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
How like, yeah. So I had to really go through that. And my partner and I had, yeah, we had a bit of a rough time kind of deciding that. He when he saw my fear, he then wanted me to have just have that, you know, nuchal translucency ultrasound, make sure everything is there. And I I part of me wanted to just go and do that and then this other part of me of course knowing about ultrasounds, but feeling I felt just like anger at the thought that somebody wanted me to have an ultrasound. And he had spoken to his sister's friend about her experience and and the whole Harmony blood test came up as an option. And when other people were saying to me, like, oh, do you know about this? You know, you could just go do this. I was, like, with it at the suggestion that somebody else wanted to tell me what I should do, and it became very clear to me that I didn't want that. I didn't want any of that. I wanted to really dive in and do the work, that I was being called to do with this pregnancy, and I wanted to really prepare to be a mother, of my daughter.
Speaker 3
Beautiful.
Speaker 1
So, yeah, I went forward and had a completely wild pregnancy and really enjoyed it. And, I guess I can just take you right up to my birthing time with her. Sure. I of course, sitting and wondering when when things would be. I had never experienced labor, and I was really looking forward to experiencing labor and everything. I just wanted to feel everything. And, I had a bit of an inclination as things got closer. Some, you know, just some sensations for about a week beforehand. Nothing painful at all. And then the Monday, I think, of the week when I had her, I lost, like, just a little tiny bit of my plug, and knew that things were kind of moving along. One gift I had really been given of, you know, walking with women is you learn from them. Of course, they there's this, you know, assumption that you're guiding them, but it's truly just witnessing women when you walk with them. And that one really influential birth that I had attended, it was a VBAC for her. Her she had had a son and, quite a bit bit of a gap in between having her daughter, and I felt that I could really just relate so much. There's so much of her life that I could relate to, and the fear for her that her midwives had placed was that, you know, this rupture that she'd had, you know, one layer of suturing instead of two when they pulled her records and therefore, it would be safest to have a hospital birth. And then, of course, she went on to have her baby at home. So I had witnessed this, and that really removed fear for me. I just didn't it just didn't there was no concern for me with with rupturing. I was also nine and a half years in between. So I just felt like yeah. There was no fear there. I felt like I had perfect body for birthing my baby, and I was gonna do that at home.
Speaker 3
Awesome.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So, moving into my birthing time, not knowing even how long I gestate babies for because my son had literally been extracted from my body before labor had begun. And I think I was thirty eight plus four when I had my son, so I expected to go longer. I fully anticipated going, you know, forty one, forty two weeks would have been absolutely fine with me, and that was sort of what I had anticipated. And, labor began for me at five thirty on Thursday morning when I think I was forty nine weeks. I think it was yeah. It was about forty nine weeks. And it hit hard right from the get go. I was honestly anticipating a bit of an easier, more relaxing, early stage of my labor just to sort of get into the flow and, that was not at all how how it went.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
It yeah. It was really hard just back labor from the beginning. Mhmm. I was throwing up nonstop from about five thirty in the morning until about noon. I connected with you in between, and the suggestion of an Alka Seltzer came up, and that saved me. I sent my partner out to go get me an Alka Seltzer, and I remembered we've done your course. I we I've sat my partner down, and he was so willing. He's, like, so into birth. It's hilarious. So he he was watching all of that and and stuff with me, and that that actually really helped me because in order to get him to to to be as supportive as I needed him to be, I would have told him like, honestly, if he was, like, I'm not comfortable with free work, I would have been, like, great. You won't be there.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
But it really was so helpful for us because I didn't wanna be the one to answer all of his questions.
Speaker 3
Oh, my god. Totally.
Speaker 1
It was just so draining. Every time it's like, okay. I'm fine with free birth, but what if the cord's around the baby's neck? It's like, here. Go and sit with Emily and Yolanda and watch these videos, and then, you know, you'll be good. And it was so helpful. Answered all these questions. He felt prepared. I didn't have to be the one to educate him, and that was really great.
Speaker 3
So Yeah. It's such a good point. It's such a good point. Like, the information's out there, guys. Yeah. You you like, the like, just because you're the one gestating the baby, it doesn't need to all fall on you.
Speaker 1
Right. And I felt completely comfortable with it, so I just didn't wanna even, like, the notion of having to justify it felt like I had to justify choices anytime I was educating him. So, sending him to do that was just wonderful. Right. And, I did initially want my son to be present, for the birth of his sister, but when labor started and it was hard, honestly, from the first sensation, and I was throwing up, it felt good to send him off to school that day. So he went to school and he was fine with it. He said, you know, he wanted to be there if I wanted him there. And, he was really sweet. He he knows lots about birth and he's watched me go off and come home from births and videos and, that so that felt really special to share with him. He's also very aware of the fact that his birth was a caesarean Yeah. And how I feel about that, but how I've learned so much from that and how, that's really shaped who I am and that's been an important part of my story as much as I wouldn't choose it. It has been a great part of my story and, yeah. So he's he was involved in that way. He did go to school. I carried on laboring. Once I really decided to address the fact that my nausea was fear. And I knew exactly what it was when, you know, you had suggested that it was already in my mind. I'm like, I know that this is why I'm experiencing this. And a lot of it was letting go of that, like, thirteen week, didn't have that scan, didn't have, you know, any outside person telling me that my baby is okay. So I felt really great being pregnant with her. I felt that she was safe inside me. I I really enjoyed being pregnant and, letting go of her and, like, releasing her into this world that I'm, you know, constantly being awakened to just all of the work that is needed collectively in in this world, that felt so, overwhelming for me.
Speaker 3
Wow.
Speaker 1
And when, yeah, when I when I started to unpack some of that, and I knew I needed to do that work during my labor, I did turn to, another woman in our group, and she was on you know, we were texting quite a bit, and I was just like, okay. I need I just need to be witnessed right now. I need to share all of my fears because I'm not gonna make it through this process the way I need to unless I I I just need to be witnessed. And she was amazing, and, you know, sort of my, like, spirit birth keeper from afar, which was amazing.
Speaker 3
So this was you were just being witnessed through FaceTime?
Speaker 1
Text? Text. Yep. I was just like, I need to tell you everything I'm afraid of. And, yeah, I just need to get it out.
Speaker 3
Oh, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 1
It yeah. I was able to move through the nausea that felt like the biggest hurdle because just every time, my body was just, like, completely just tightening up, and it was it was really hard. I, yeah, completely moved through that. It was just lifted, and gone, and I didn't deal with nausea again throughout my labor. Wow. So, yeah, it was it was interesting. I was experiencing a lot of back labor, so I wasn't able to lay down at all during my labor. I wasn't able to sit back. It would just bring on sensations that were really more more difficult to move through if I was in, a reclined position at all. So that made getting rest really, really difficult. Labor continued pretty pretty much, the same same kind of deal, just back labor, into that night. And I remember the the first night, so it was quite a long labor. I guess, I shouldn't say that to you because you know what a long labor is. But over
Speaker 3
It was long though. I think over twenty five twenty four hours is is long.
Speaker 1
It feels long over over twenty four hours. That's it.
Speaker 3
How long was yours?
Speaker 1
Thirty four and a half.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I think I think when we get past twenty four, we get to say it was long. Right.
Speaker 1
So, yeah, the night was really hard. I feel like that was a dark night of the soul. Mhmm. I just remember being in my room and, asking my partner to, like, take a picture of my backside. I wanted to see the purple line. I was, like, hyper focused on, is there anything, you know, just, like, pathologizing anything that I can and what's going on? What's you know, when is this gonna be over? Am I progressing? And just, like, really, yeah, dealing with that. And I wanted to reach out to you, but I knew I had to wait until the morning because, of course, like, you know, you'd be you'd be sleeping. And it was the longest night ever.
Speaker 3
Oh my god. You totally could have reached out, but whatever.
Speaker 1
I was waiting. And I knew that, just like with back labor, I really felt that that, like, she needed help getting into the right position. Mhmm. So I, of course, like, looking up spinning babies and just trying to do whatever I could to try to make it move forward. And, I couldn't get through the spinning babies exercises. They were it was painful. It didn't feel helpful at all. It felt totally counterintuitive. I yeah. My partner was encouraging me. He was, like, reading off of, you know, his phone how to do each part of it, and I was just like, I can't. I can't. That sounds awful. It was. It was that was the worst part. I live in an apartment, so in order to do the stair portion, we're like, okay. We'll do, like, the stairs in the apartment. And we walked out, just like opened the door, and the light in the hallway and just, like, the the the energy in my hallway felt so wrong. I felt like I could feel people in their individual apartments, and I knew who was awake. And, it was just completely intense, and I'm like, I can't go out there. I can't go out there. And he's like, yeah. You can. Like, we just gotta do the stairs. And I'm like, no. I can't go out there. And I refused to go out into the hall. So we scrapped that plan and just came back into the bedroom. And at one point, my
Speaker 3
Oh my god.
Speaker 1
My lamp in my bedroom just, like, spontaneously turned on. And I felt like that was a sign I got chills, and I felt like, okay. I'm being supported. This is where I need to be, and, like, everything is okay. Mhmm. So that, like, lamp turning on was really the most helpful thing that night, and I waited till the morning, to call you. I had been in touch with a chiropractor. I have a really amazing chiropractor who's been just so supportive of, me and how, you know, my choices and just my own journey, and I reached out to her thinking maybe an adjustment would help. And I kinda knew there was no way I could actually get in a car and, get to her office for an adjustment. And then I just remember you being like, don't leave your house, like, bad idea. And I was like, okay. Good. Off the hook. Don't have to do that. And I'm really glad I didn't. I remember you saying to me, like, hey. Yeah. This could be going for, like, another day. And, you know, you gave me a bit of a pep talk about surrendering, and I knew that I really needed to listen to that. That was what I needed to hear at the time. And I decided to just go forward. I think I was, you know, muttering, just take me. And I was talking just birth, just to myself, just
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
You can have me, just take me. And I was just trying to relax my body and just, like, let let my body do what it needed to do. And, that was, yeah, really after you told me it could go on for another day. And I was like, nope. Surrendering full full on right now. This baby is coming today. Mhmm. So I, I spent a lot of the last part of labor, on, just I have some meditation pillows, and I had laid them out in the doorway of my son's bedroom. Now he had gone to his dad's house. He wasn't here, And I'd set up little, like, inlet inside his bedroom. It just felt like the coziest place to be in, and I just started peeing into I had what I'd previously been using as my purge bucket, and I would just pee in between sensations into this bucket. I could not get up and think of going to the washroom nor did I care to. And my partner was great at at emptying it for me every time I needed him to. And, yeah, I spent quite a bit of time laboring there. I really loved having unlimited hot water in my shower in my apartment building. I got in there. I actually sat on a birth ball, had that set up just in the in the bathtub so that I could sit on it and just let, like, hot water hit my back, which felt really great. I was doing double hip squeezes on myself, because my partner was really great. I had I gave him the rebozo and taught him how to use it ahead of time. But there'd be some times where he'd just get kinda the wrong spot. And, so I just started doing them on myself, and I sent him away, and I just spent kind of part of the end by myself, which was really, really wonderful. Mhmm. Then when I was still in the shower, I could feel I just reached inside, and I could feel something. And I knew it was the sack. My water hadn't broken and I knew what it was. And I called my partner over and was trying to get him to, like, look and see and, like, yes. That that was interesting. And then
Speaker 3
Is that when I got those crazy apps?
Speaker 1
Yeah. That was really fun.
Speaker 3
That was awesome. She's like, just for context, she's like, texting me photos on WhatsApp of her water bag coming out of her vagina, and I'm, like, dying being, like, everything's fine. Just put the phone down.
Speaker 1
I was so I was so in awe, and I was so proud. Like, look at what my body can do. And, that I was just really that shifted things for me. And I sat there with a hand mirror just, like, staring at my Yoni and watching this sack just emerge from my body.
Speaker 3
I just couldn't believe that you guys so it was it him sending me the text?
Speaker 1
No. That was totally me. I was, like, I I reached, like, a very calm my transition was, like, super calm. I felt, like, recentered and, I completely in awe just, like, witnessing this process and, like, visually seeing this bag emerge from my body. So I sat there for quite a while, and then it did hit a point where I was like, okay. I'm really ready for this to pop. The pressure was pretty substantial, and part of me was like, oh, I could just, like, pop it myself. But knowing that, you know, things that unfold obviously perfectly when you just leave them alone, I wanted to make sure, you know, we didn't have any issues with cords and stuff if I were to to pop it myself. And I just really wanted an undisturbed birth, and that meant leaving leaving it all alone. And it did eventually pop. And once it did, I stood up with my legs just like I held my legs together, and I stood up in the bathroom, like, looking in the mirror just trying to be like, alright, like, you know what's coming now. And, I started kinda pacing a little bit around my apartment. My partner was like, you know that there's, like, water leaking from you. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. Just clean it up. Like, who cares? And, I think he was like, what is she doing? You know? And I ended up going back into the bathroom. I hopped into my empty bathtub, and I was asking I I think I kept my legs kinda together for a while. I was like, I'm gonna wait for the fetal ejection reflex push. I of course, it started to take over and I'm like, no. I'm not gonna push. I don't even know what I was doing, but I was I was, it was a lot lot of sensation, and I asked him to pass me a hot face cloth, and he had no idea what I was asking for with all of these things or what my thinking was, and it was really funny to talk to him about it afterwards. But he did. He handed it to me, and I just held it on my Yoni because I felt like when she did start crowning, I did feel like I was tearing. And I was, yeah, wanting just holding that on there felt so good. I didn't plan to do any counter pressure, hot compress, or anything like that, and it felt so good to just hold that there and to to relax and to push into that. And then I I don't even know what he was thinking because he went to go get me a refill of my drink as I was crowning. And, I called to him from the other room saying the baby's coming, and he's like, yeah, okay. I'm just getting you a refill. And I'm like, okay. Whatever. Well, I guess I'll just have the baby then. And she her head came out, and then he came into the room and he's like, oh my god, there's a head. I'm like, yeah. I told you. The baby is coming. And then, he was trying to film things, which was, like, super awkward, although I'm really happy that I have the videos and the pictures. And she just came right out. Her head came and it was, like, quick turn and, and she was right out right away, and she let out a cry one while she was crowning. So I had already heard her, and then, the song Musha Boom came on, which was really funny because that's the name of my business.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 1
And it was it was on a playlist of, like, a hundred songs, so it was pretty random that it came on right as she came out. And I he was worried that I didn't catch her. She came out onto the the bathtub floor, which was totally fine. I was in a low squat, and, I just reached back and I grabbed her and I looked and, I think I said I knew it was you, when I saw it was her. And, yeah, it was the absolute best feeling in the world of Felican is, you know, reunited with this soul that I was meant to be with. Yeah. It was really beautiful. And then
Speaker 3
Man, you totally did it.
Speaker 1
It was the yeah. Best best feeling, most proud accomplished feeling I've ever had, especially, I feel like after a long longish labor. Yeah. Yeah. I worked for her and it was amazing. And then we called my ex husband and asked him to bring over, my son and so he came over within about thirty minutes, and they came over and, I I came over and hopped in bed. So I was in bed holding her when when my son arrived and, yeah, they you know, he brought us food and stuff, which was really nice. It was so beautiful to see my son, see his sister for the first time. And I also enjoyed my ex asked me, like, so was there a midwife here? Because I'd obviously not disclosed to him. And I'm like, nope. I did it myself. And it just, like, I I don't even know. It felt because I had shared the first birth with him. Right. And it it's it felt really good to to just be like, no. I I did this on my own and everything was great. And then my placenta took quite a while. I wasn't worried. It never really bothered me. But I, you know, I think you had sent me a message at one point like, okay. It's time to go finish your birth. So I took that cue and, I had tried squatting with with my daughter in my arms, and I tried squatting just to to try to to get that out. And I had a really difficult time, so I ended up kicking out my partner and my son, from the room, shutting the door, went into my bathroom, turned off the lights, just held my baby. I put a towel over the toilet because that's a trick that I've seen work a lot for women with placentas, and just put, like, a little bit of a space in the middle, of the towel so that it could come out, and it did. And, we called my son. I think we'd sent him to bed. We called him back out of bed. It was pretty late at that point because we wanted to burn the cord and so he was involved in in burning the cord. My son and my partner burned the cord and, I think we all just, you know, crawled into bed and went to sleep after and it was yeah. It was it was pretty wonderful.
Speaker 3
Oh, so good. So victorious and just, you know, I mean, a lot of the that's what these stories are, but, like, this is such a, like, a hero's the shero's tale of of transmuting your trauma into power and finding your instinct and your womanhood and letting that blaze the path for your family, and you fucking did it.
Speaker 1
And I needed it. I really I really needed it. So then just, I guess, to quickly touch on breastfeeding, I was nervous about breastfeeding, another baby just because I had so much trouble with my son breastfeeding him. And I but I felt like I knew what to do, and I knew how to troubleshoot, and I was really determined that my daughter was gonna be breastfed. So I initially felt like, I was able to get her nursing, and I thought for the first couple days, okay, things are going okay. I did realize that her her mouth was really dry, and I, my milk had taken quite a while to come in. So her her nursing wasn't effective, and I was really devastated. That brought up a lot of emotion for me. Oh, okay. So I ended up getting a fever and dealing with that because typically emotions for me manifest as physical things. So I I initially thought I had mastitis. I did not. I just developed a fever, and I knew that that was just a call to do a little bit more work, and that this was my situation. It was really me being upset about my situation being what it was and and, not being able to experience that flow of energy and nourish my baby from my body was was really devastating. So I already was prepared with, lactation aids and a pump, and I just got to it. I wanted to keep her at my breast because I still had goals to, exceed, you know, kind of what I had reached with my with my son in our journey.
Speaker 3
And I can imagine the the devastation of, you know, it was probably easy in a way to be like, oh, well, of course, the breastfeeding got messed up with my son because I had a c section and all this stuff, and then you did everything quote unquote right in terms of biological Exactly. Mammalian Yeah. Undisturbed birth, and there was still serious challenge. Like, that, oh, what a
Speaker 1
Was really devastating.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah. So, I just refuse to use bottles or soothers or anything because my nipple in itself is quite different. Obviously, any bottles or soothers are different than a a woman's nipple, but just very different than my nipple. So I kept her at my breast with a lactation aid, knew that she was eating. I did seek some help with a, lactation consultant and had her tongue she had a tongue tie and a lip tie, and had those released. I do not feel that they were released properly and to witness your child go through pain for something that doesn't end up helping. I kept with chiropractic just because I had good relationship with my chiropractor and that did feel really supportive for us. And then, just kept working at it. So I really cut out all the things, lactation consultant and cranial sacral and anybody that I didn't feel like was really, anybody that had their own opinions, I just cut all that out and really just went, with my own intuition in feeding her. And then, yeah, we struggled for for quite a while. Lots of pumping, lots of, you know, lactation aid feeding. And, about three months in, I was able to feed her at my breast without a lactation aid and really see a lot of drinking,
Speaker 3
after that.
Speaker 1
And that was really wonderful, which happened again after really supportive visit from someone else really amazing in the Free Birth Society. And I think that sisterhood and and it was a weekend away in nature and barefoot hikes and all of that, really helped. And it hasn't been perfect every feeding since then, and there wasn't a bit of a gap in between where it felt like we were kind of reverting back. But now I'm able to to breastfeed my baby without any tools, not all of the time. But that is like it just feels like the biggest accomplishment.
Speaker 3
Oh my gosh, Michelle.
Speaker 1
That's such
Speaker 3
a big deal. Yeah.
Speaker 1
So that that feels really good. I still pump afterwards just to make sure I'm fully draining my breast and I top her up. But it's better than I imagined that I would achieve, sort of at many points and I look forward to seeing where we can take it and as she gets older and her latch is better and her melt is stronger and I unpack more of my own shit. It just seems to be getting better and better and I hope that, you know, we can go past one for sure and maybe I can stop pumping and, once she's eating food, I I won't worry about that so much. Be able to just relax and let her nurse and let her get what she can, and I I just look forward to seeing our journey through as long as it feels good, and it feels really good right now.
Speaker 3
Wow. That is so inspiring. That is such a important story that needs to get told. Wow. You're amazing. That is such a big, big thing to navigate, you know, virtually on your own, not just the breastfeeding, but the whole thing. Like, learning about your body and choosing a wild pregnancy, and and, you know, being a single mom for so long, and and then, you know, becoming, you know, coming into this pregnancy with your other pregnancies, and Jedi meditating them away, and I mean, just everything, everything, like, wow. You are an incredible woman, and I know this story is gonna go far and wide and inspire many, many women around the world. So thank you so much, and I'm so freaking excited to meet you and hug you at the end of this month.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Me too. Thank you for witnessing me and for building this community that has truly changed my life and for sure the lives of so many other women.
Speaker 2
That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the Free Birth podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
