Speaker 0
Welcome to the Free Birth Podcast, a supportive space for people who are learning, exploring, and celebrating their autonomous choices in childbirth. Together, we'll unpack truths, share personal stories, and claim our ability to birth freely and intuitively. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 1
Do you know it's your calling to become an authentic midwife? Do you dream of attending women in birth? Have you felt frustrated trying to be a birth worker in the system? Are you looking for a better way to walk with women in total integrity? Supporting mother led physiological birth? Are you dreaming of building a thriving, profitable business as a birth coach? Well, we are thrilled to announce that enrollment for our radical birth keeper school is now open. Classes begin June first, so head over to our website and get the details. The time is now, and we need you to join us in this birth revolution. W w w dot radicalbirthkeeperschool
Speaker 0
dot com.
Speaker 1
This week, we are joined by Amanda who had two truly orgasmic births. Amanda tells us how she learned to be in such deep relationship with her own Amanda tells us how she learned to be in such deep relationship with her own cervix that she could be in conversation with it and actually began to see it as the wise woman inside of her. Amanda tells us how giving birth is what truly set her on her own sexual journey inspired by the sheer pleasure she felt in birth.
Speaker 2
Okay. We are here. Okay. I'm really excited for this, and this is, this is gonna be a fun a fun episode, because we have the unique the unique, blessing today of having somebody on the show who has had two euphoric, blissful, orgasmic, pleasurable births.
Speaker 3
Woo hoo hoo. Cue the eleventh.
Speaker 2
So, yeah, let's just start from wherever you wanna start, you know, like, as I said before, just kind of wherever your mothering journey begins and and tell us a little bit about the beginning of your journey.
Speaker 3
Yes. So, yeah, as she said, I've had two orgasmic births. So, I mean, at this point, that's, like, my only experience with birth, actually. And I I guess I would just like to say, like, I didn't I grew up with, like, all the same negative programming that, like, everybody does, especially, you know, here in western culture. It's just all pain, you know, thing quotes like the worst experience of your life. I never wanna do that again, like, all kinds of stuff like that. I totally grew up with that. My mom had a very traumatic birth with me. Just all the stories that everybody hears, so, you know, I didn't I certainly did not come to this with any, like, oh, yeah. Like, orgasmic birth is is totally natural, and some women really enjoy it. You know? I mean, like, it wasn't even like a it was like it was painful, and I enjoyed it type thing. It was just all bad. Like, I I've totally grown up with that. So when it was time for me, or when I became pregnant myself, I, that wasn't even something that I knew about offhand. But luckily for me, I guess, I had done I feel like I had done a lot of deprogramming myself, like, just of negativity in general, like like, hearing bullshit stories like that and and being affected by them. You know, I kinda just, again, it was more of a general thing. I had already gotten used to the idea of creating your own reality, taking responsibility for everything, you know, in your life. So that's really where it started with me, and I just naturally become interested in birth a little bit, like, before I became pregnant. So I started to learn, you know, more about home birth, and I was familiar with water birth and all that kind of stuff, and I was just just kinda like, duh. You know, why wouldn't why wouldn't you wanna do it, in whatever with whoever you want around you, you know, and have it just as naturally as possible. Like, just having it in a hospital to me just sounded absolutely horrible. So, anyway, I became pregnant, very out of nowhere, I can't say it was planned. And but I just I just went into it, really hard. I was just I felt really blessed to have gotten pregnant. At first, it was scary, but then I was I immediately was just like, I want this to be the best experience for myself and for my baby as possible. So I started doing, tons of research, read all the anime books. You know? I watched Orgasmic Birth documentary, and I was just like, oh, that's the thing. You know? Like, alright. And I I do wanna make a distinction too. Like, at this time in my life, I really was not, like, sexually connected. I was not I grew I actually grew up in a household where my parents were very open about it, so it was not, like, this total taboo for me, but I was just dealing with a lot of my own stuff. And it actually got to the point in my life with my husband, like, where our sex life started to kinda go downhill. And then, of course, being pregnant, I was just like, oh, okay. We're just gonna even further push that, you know, like, in the back burner. And I was just like, I'm too busy thinking about, you know, giving birth. I'm not thinking about sex at all. So, you know, needless to say, it was just as shocking to me as anybody else that I had an extremely pleasurable, just the highest I could ever imagine being, you know, my my very first birth experience. I guess what I think contributed to it the the most is that it it's a it's a it's another expression of what's normal in birth. You know? The pleasure and all that, I I think it's perfectly normal, especially when you are in a place of complete surrender, which I was in. Yeah. Like, it's just of course. And and once you start once you go once you try to get in touch with your sexual energy and you're really trying to experience, like, the deeper, pleasurable orgasms and really experience what sex is really supposed to be like, that's what you learn. You learn about surrender to get to those places. So, again, like, when you're in labor and you're going you're giving birth, like, it's it's really exactly the same. And to me, looking back on it and then I'll I'll go into my, you know, second birth story in a minute, but, like, I think that the best preparation that you can do for birth is to get in touch with your sexual energy because it's like giving birth is just this enormous rebirth of yourself, you know. It's like, it's just the most epic experience of your life and you have to surrender.
Speaker 2
And surrender is the fundamental kind of philosophy or one of of of most, like, incredible, you know, religions and and philosophies around the world. Right? Like, it's not just sexual, it's not just birth, it's life. Absolutely. It's like a Sure. And and surrender. And and, yeah, I mean, there's such a taboo around sex and birth and connecting them and Mhmm. Which is so, like, deeply ironic since all babies get married. Oh, it crushed. Oh, but but I also love that though this was your huge message, you also it doesn't sound like did a ton of preparation beyond, like, just your own evolution and Mhmm. And were, you know, gifted this experience that then Yeah.
Speaker 3
Like,
Speaker 2
opened you up into Yes.
Speaker 3
And that's what's really funny is that giving birth was really what set me on my true sexual journey, funnily enough. You know? It's like it really is. Like, I was I was confused after I had given birth, like, completely ecstatic, elated, you know, like, my labor was so short. I was pretty much alone, like, pretty much alone the whole time, like, utterly, utterly high. Like, I I could even do, like, another episode on, like, the visions that I had. They were just insane, you know, being in that place of just, like I don't know. It just blew my mind. There was, like, almost zero pain. It just felt extremely strong. Like, it's just not painful. It was just the strongest, most expansive feeling, and I was just flowing with complete, like, flowing with it, which is, again, why I think the pleasure and all of those, you know, like, orgasmic sensations came from.
Speaker 2
Well, and there's such a fine tilt of pleasure and pain. Right? Which Yeah. Is so interesting with birth because the spectrum that can be experienced that I've witnessed, I mean, I've seen women have rolling orgasms all I mean, I have I've seen women have rolling orgasms, like, that's
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
That's amazing and then all the way to the spectrum of, I've seen women look like they were being tortured.
Speaker 3
I know.
Speaker 2
I know. And all of its birth.
Speaker 3
Yes. And I felt like I could have let that happen. You know? Again, it was a very conscious, like, intentional choice to, again, flow. And I I know it's hard to describe, like, how do you flow? How do you surrender? But it's like, I just made that that conscious choice, like, every time, like, every, you know, rush or sensation that I got, I just I didn't put any barriers against it. You know? I just it just felt so expansive to me. And then, like, my son, you know, literally coming out of my body was like, oh my god. Like, you you would think you, thinking about my birth, I just I get this. I feel the sensations all over again. I can't blushing. It's just this deep it's this very deep, deep cellular memory. Like, I'm not even kidding. Like, my canal, it starts to, like, to pulse and to vibrate, and I just I can, like, see it all kinda light up. So it's a really, you know, nice memories to reflect
Speaker 1
on because That's
Speaker 3
so cool. It just blew my mind open.
Speaker 2
I wanna slow down and actually get into that first birth. So how old is your son now?
Speaker 3
He is four and a half. Okay. Yes.
Speaker 2
And so, at what point, if you can even, like, if this is even an answerable thing, at what point does the labor become pleasurable and, like, take us if you can, like, slow down to the actual emergence and and what that felt like. Because Yeah. As you know, for women to share that their birth was pleasurable is so, taboo and and rare. And so, you know, I think, like you said, this is just another variation of birth, and so I think this is really worth, yeah, like, really slowing down.
Speaker 3
Tempting to a split. Yeah. Yeah. So like you said, like, I know and I've seen footage, you know, of women, like, having rolling orgasms just like you said. And, like, for me, I I'm still grappling with the sensations that I got through both of them because it's really interesting for me. They just kind of ebbed and flowed between feeling absolutely nothing, which is weird even in itself. So feeling just nothing to pleasure, to just, like, a strong, like, not painful feeling, but just a very intense, obviously, a a labor, a contraction, or whatever, but it just felt strong and not painful. So it just it kept ebbing and flowing. Like, I guess, I would say so my first labor, I think, altogether was about four and a half hours. So it progressed, like, really quickly. And, I would say halfway through when it was getting when it was feeling the strongest is when I would just start getting these, again, waves of pleasure just starting just radiating through my pelvis, you know. And it just, you know, obviously made it easier to just go without I just I I felt like an observer of my own birth kind of. I was like, okay. That's interesting, and this is feeling a lot better than I've ever heard, so I'm going to go with it, obviously.
Speaker 2
That is the best way to be surprised.
Speaker 3
Yes. Exactly. I was just like, I'm I will take this. This is amazing. Wow. So it again, it made it amazing to just stay in that moment and just without any expectation. Just I cannot stress that enough. Just very much, like, I felt so so fucking in tune with my son, and I was getting visions of him getting in a spaceship. Like, this baby getting in a spaceship. I saw him put his head his headset on. He was, like, pressing buttons and stuff. Like, I just I was, again, one of my visions. But, anyway, like, I was just very in the place of, like, he's gonna come when he wants to, so I was just experiencing this. And then I made the decision okay. So I started my labor in a bathtub, and then I was just like, I guess I'll go to the pool. I'm not really sure how long this is going to take because, like I mentioned, like, there were points in my labor both labors actually where it just seemed to stop completely, and I wasn't feeling anything. So I just kinda again, my first birth, I was like, I really have no idea how long this is gonna take. I I guess I'll get in the pool. And then I got in the pool, and it was I was feeling nothing for a little bit, and then it just started again. It got really, really strong, and, again, just like that pleasure began. And I he he he just slipped out like a bar of soap. Like, that's the way that I think about it. Okay. So I have two, like, visions of both my birth. And, again, I'll go into my second one in a minute. But my son felt like flipping out like a bar of soap, and then my daughter was like a torpedo. So those are the two things that I felt like. So for me, like, it just again, it got to a point where it was really, really strong with him, and there was, like, just hardly any pushing involved. Like, I feel like he just slipped into my birth canal and feeling feeling him in my canal, and he was just kinda suspended there for a little bit. And I was completely just taken aback by, oh my god. There's a person literally in my vagina, and it feels amazing. That's when it's that's when it, like, really, really got even more pleasurable. Like, it just I just felt I literally for the first time in my life, like, my whole vagina, like, lit up to me. You know? Like, I felt, like, the whole thing, and I was just amazed. And, like, I was feeling his little body move in there, and it it's so amazing. And then and then, like so he was in there. He was just kinda chilling in there for I really don't know how long because, you know, you think back about your birth and you're like, oh my god. How long was that? I don't really know. But then, like, he just ejected, just completely ejected, and that, like, even again, looking back on that moment of him flying out of my body is just, like like, every psychedelic mandala, like, surrealist movie you can think of. It's just that was just the most enormous pleasure, release, you know, orgasm that I can think of. And, like, I've had, like, I've had I've had a lot of orgasms now, and that is just it it was just so enormous. You know? Well, man. Felt like this long expansive moment. And again, I have no idea how long it lasted. It's just
Speaker 2
And that's amazing. That's part of why I love your story so much from what from what you've told me previously because, like you said, you you went into this birth not being very sexually connected, and that this was the awakening for you, and now I know you'll you'll go on to share what what what connection you created because of having a pleasurable birth. It's so it's just such it's the whole continuum.
Speaker 3
A back a backwards kind
Speaker 2
of there. It's great.
Speaker 3
Not, but yeah. So then, like like I said, like, it it was the first time that I've like, that the entire that my vagina was lit up to me. Like, I felt like I think a lot of women feel this way. It's just that they have a they're very disconnected from their sexuality. Most women, they refer to their vaginas and their yoni as just this, like, black box. They don't know what's going on in there. They feel a very little, you know, pleasure inside, and so it just view is black. And for me, like, in that moment, I was, like, literally seeing in my mind's eye and feeling it at the same time. So it was just amazing. And so after I had him, you know, my postpartum was actually pretty amazing. Like, I had a lot of time with him, which I was really appreciative appreciative of. But one of the things that was so difficult was being fucking confused. Like, I was like, how can that possibly happen? Why do I not feel that way in daily life? Like, why do I not want to even have sex with my husband? I've never felt pleasure like that. You know? So it's like, it was it it took gosh. I think it's only about two years old of me, like, really, really struggling with this, and it became, like, a problem in my marriage because we were, felt so deeply, like, connected after the birth of our son because we we couldn't even have fathomed, like, a love like that. So it's like there was such a death that was brought to our relationship, but the sex piece was, like, no. You know, it was not
Speaker 2
So did you, like, try, like, you're all juiced up from your pleasurable orgasmic birth and then you, like, try to bring that energy with him and it, like, fell flat?
Speaker 3
Yes. Like, completely. It just I didn't even know what to do. Like, it it was so crazy. It, like, it kinda came to, like, a standstill, and I was very, like, avoidant of sex, like, completely. And it wasn't until I discovered Kim and Nami's work that my life just, like, like, flipped upside down. I'm a totally different person. I just got to it got to, like, a rock bottom for me again, like, totally avoidant, hardly ever having sex at all. And then just the way that she I had listened to some interviews with her, and she just described a lot of the issues I was experiencing just, like, so perfectly. Like, I didn't realize that there was such, like, a massive for example, like, the issue a major issue we were having was, like, polarity. Just a a huge polarity issue in our relationship and just, I guess, just even what sexual energy can do for you and what orgasms are supposed to be like. Just hearing just hearing all of that just, like, completely lit me up and blew my mind, and I realized that it was what was missing essentially in our life. So I I took one of her courses, and I just completely committed. I was just like, I'm going to do this. Like, I know as just as she says, like, all women are capable of having, you know, deep life changing internal vaginal orgasms. And it's it's really all about just detect doing the detective work to find out why you are not having them, whether it's, like, just general bullshit societal programming of that only some women can or, you know, even if it's, like, trauma that you've experienced in your life or whatever it is, you just have to figure out what it is for you because it's actually a state of normalcy to be able to experience that kind of pleasure, you know, whether it's with yourself or a partner or whatever. So I was like, well, I want that, so I'm going to do that. And I just, oh gosh, I just became
Speaker 1
mostly orgasmic pretty quickly despite,
Speaker 3
like because I committed to it. Like, I committed. Like, I I knew I kinda had to make up for a long time of being disconnected. So I just despite working, like, insane hours, having a two year old, having a relationship, all that stuff, I committed to myself every single day of self pleasuring and, communicating with my husband, you know, because that was something, again, that we were not doing properly, so that's what was holding us back a lot. But I, yeah, like, I literally went from actually never having even a clitoral orgasm in my whole life without realizing it to and then one, you know, orgasmic birth thrown in there. That was, like, my only real orgasm that I can think of in my life was my my birth experience. So pretty crazy. And then, again, just after really just committing to my own pleasure and sexuality and really understanding myself and what my blocks are, like, they they just started to freaking I it just got crazy. Like, my record at this point is, like, freaking thirty Jesus orgasms and, like, one self pleasuring session, and that was just within, like, a couple of months. But do you have,
Speaker 2
like I'm I'm imagining, like, a little, like, log next to your bed that you, like, you, like, check every time you come. No.
Speaker 3
I know you think so. That time, I did. That time so I was just I it just became fascinating to me having gone from no connection to that. I was, like, I'm gonna count. And yeah. So I don't count anymore. That's amazing. Just opened up this amazing pleasure pathways in myself Right. And recovered my relationship with my husband. You know, now we're in in an amazing place.
Speaker 2
People are gonna be dying to know which course of Kim Anami's you took that helped you so much. So
Speaker 3
The well fucked woman.
Speaker 2
Let's just insert that plug right there for that. Yes. Yes. Because that that sounds really nice.
Speaker 3
It's really nice.
Speaker 2
Okay. So your your pleasurable birth opens you up to this new found commitment and exploration with your own sexuality.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And then, I mean, I can only imagine what a just beautiful new world that must must be.
Speaker 3
Oh, totally. So then so I knew so much that I wanted another child. Like, I absolutely have been, like I've been having visions of my daughter for such a long time and feeling like, you know, another, you know, baby was coming to me, and I feel like I arranged my life. I I just was, like, trying to manifest and make this baby happen. I was, like, I I was trying to, like, manifest this life where I could, like, work from home and do all this and that. Totally happened. It was amazing. And just well, one thing that Kim talks about too is, like, just the power of sexual energy and your ability to create and to manifest your life, and that's how it can really be used. It's not just people have this idea that it's just about the endgame. It's just about the orgasm, whatever. It's really not. It's just this insane creative life force thing that you can do anything with.
Speaker 2
It's one of the five core emotions. It's there's anger, fear, sadness, joy, and creative slash sexual energy. And so, you know, on this, like, concept of the five core emotions, I love that creative slash creative slash sexual are the same. There isn't a distinction because it's so obvious. And I remember in my postpartum, I felt so sexual, and it was creative energy. I mean, I had just birthed a baby in total power and
Speaker 3
Oh my gosh. I know. Once you reframe it and just take, again, like, the taboo out of it, you just it's just yeah. It's amazing how synonymous or interchangeable they really are. It's incredible. So yes. And so I I guess something that most people wanna know or would probably want to know is, like, can this type of birth be optimized? You know, how much of a choice is it? And I think it's a little bit of both. You know? Like I said, my first experience was, I guess, the it just happened to me, essentially. And then so the second time, I I can totally admit, like, okay. So I called in my little baby and got pregnant. Amazing. I'm, like, ecstatic to be pregnant. But I I I even had a little bit of, like, performance anxiety, like, with myself. I was just like, can I do this again? Like, is this going to be awful? You know, like, because I believe in the spectrum of birth, like, just depending on where you are and whatever, like, so many things can happen. And I I do believe that you can create your reality and that you have choice in your, whatever, your life. So I was just like, I guess I'm gonna do this experiment with myself, you know, and and see not again, not expecting that outcome, but just Totally. My main thing was like, okay. I need to stay in tune with this energy that I have built up, so I'm going to do that. And that was so incredible to be, you know, a mother and not already being a mother and being pregnant at the same time and not kinda having that, like
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
You know, Madonna horror complex that is so rampant in our society today. And I have never ever felt more beautiful, more, connected to myself sexually than in my pregnancy, and I guess now after. I just made it I really think it like I mentioned earlier, I think it's just an incredible way to prepare for birth because, again, you're just keeping that your ability to surrender, to trust yourself, and you just build up this, like, incredible discipline by staying connected to that energy within yourself. And I did. I I had I was totally had, like, a high libido the whole time, whether it was with myself or with my husband. And it's one thing that I don't think a lot of people realize about, sexual energy and working on yourself either is that it's just it's an incredible underutilized, like, self development tool. Because if you're once you once you start once you know, like, kinda what sex can really be like, you realize that you have to really, there's all these qualities that you need to be able to get to the other side, to these orgasms and stuff like that. You have to have discipline. You have to trust yourself, and you have to trust your partner. You have to communicate. You have to do all these things, and it's like I feel like the pleasure and the orgasm are just really, like, rewards for doing that. You know? And so I I did that, and what's interesting too is, like, my pregnancy, it actually wasn't, like, the most peaceful time in my life. There was actually quite a bit of, like there was definitely a lot of negative emotion. There was a lot of stuff that I was dealing with, you know, like, personally and also in my relationship. So keeping up with my sexual practices and just, you know, owning my breasts and my belly and, like, massaging my body and whatever self pleasuring, all that stuff, it just kept me it just kept me so centered and within myself. So then when it came time, you know, when I was getting, like, towards the end of my pregnancy, I just felt very I guess, my performance anxiety had essentially gone away. You know, I was just, like, I had gotten to that place again of, like, you know, my baby's gonna come whenever she comes, and I have I am integrated. I feel like an integrated person, you know, with my sexuality and, like, all these other areas of my life. Like, you know, that would be great if it happens, but if it doesn't, then that's okay. And same kinda similar to my first labor, I guess you could call it. It just didn't feel like a labor. Like, neither of them felt like labors to me. They were both so mild, but then, like, mixed with pleasure and strength. Like, they were both very similar in that way. So, this second labor of my daughter was so special because it was, like, just my husband and I. We were just, like, hanging out together, like, playing battleship and just, like, laughing, and it was so special because he wasn't really it's not he was in the vicinity during my first, you know, labor, but I it was mainly me. He was actually literally, like, turning in a final at that time, like, in the other room. So but the second time, like, he was with me, and it was so so deeply, like, reparative and restoring for our relationship for him to have witnessed me the entire time. And, again, it was just so peaceful, and
Speaker 1
I don't know.
Speaker 3
It was just kinda the same thing. Just like it would be kinda feeling like not a whole lot and then waves of pleasure, and then I got into the birthing. I just decided I was like, same thing. I guess I'll get into the birthing pool and kinda see what happens and just, like, strip down, and it was just my husband witnessing me. And we were both, like he wasn't even, like, really trying to talk to me or anything. He was just, like, there for me. And I was just in another world again, just, like, utterly high, just in the birth pool, just experiencing these incredible waves. And what what I love too is that, once you understand, like, the deeper vaginal orgasms, you realize that a kind of an orgasm that you can have is cervical orgasms.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Tell us about that because I've heard Kim talk about that and I have no clue what that means.
Speaker 3
Oh god. It feels It's just I know. They're they're just so fucking amazing.
Speaker 2
It's a it's a physiologically real
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2
Absolutely. Absolutely. Like, what is happening? What do you know about it that you
Speaker 3
I know. I've had a lot of them, so I know a lot about it. It's just like it's it's it's the deepest, the very obviously, the deepest is the furthest that you can go into your vagina, and most people You're using a penis or a toy? Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 2
So
Speaker 3
it's just at the end of it.
Speaker 2
And and a lot
Speaker 3
of women experience pain there, obviously, and that's Yeah. They don't even know that this is a thing that can happen. And, again, it's just another, example of just not being in touch, you know, needing to connect better with your partner or whatever. That's the deepest orgasm that you can really experience. So it's like you really have to be connected with yourself and with your partner to experience them. They just they cannot happen otherwise. And they take, well, yeah, just that just a lot of commitment and trust. And so, having those, I was so I had developed such an incredible relationship with my service. I literally felt like it was this, like, entity, like, within my body, and I felt like I was, talking with it in a way, like, during my labor. I felt like I was getting messages from it. And, you know, there's this whole thing with women. There's, like, you know, the maiden, the mother, and, like, the crone and and whatever. And I felt like my cervix was this, like, wise woman, like, within me and giving me messages messages, like, telling me when I needed to, you know, relax a little bit more or whatever because it's just this it's literally this gatekeeper within you between you and your baby coming out.
Speaker 2
I love I love the vision of being in such positive relationship and trust with the cervix when an industrial birth and in our culture, you know, the cervix is treated so abusively and Mhmm. And abusive abusively?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I don't know.
Speaker 2
You know, and it's like it's I think it's still acknowledged that it's the gatekeeper, but it's it's disrespected and it's The whole disrespected. Entity of it, you know, is just, yeah, atrocious. So I love this
Speaker 3
kind of reclamation. Absolutely. So for me yeah. Like and and again, like like I was saying, like, the best prep I think that you can do is really trying to access these orgasms. Not not as, like, I just want to have the orgasm. It's really just it's just an incredible spiritual journey to get to that place and, like, being in tune with my service, again, was just, I think, where a lot of this enormous pleasure my second time came from. And, god, I remember, like, I remember feeling my cervix opening, you know, when my baby came out. It I I kinda got to a place where everything was feeling amazing, fantastic. Like, my labor was just it was feeling good, but I had this thought, like, okay. So when is this baby going to come out? You know? Like, it was just a very logical, like, I guess, like, I could totally be here for a while. I don't mind, but I was just like, how how is this baby gonna come out? And I just I literally said to myself, like, in in my mind's eye or whatever, I just said to my baby, like, I will stay here as long as you need me to. Like, this is this is your birth. Like, you come out when you want to. And I literally heard in my head, thank you, mama. That's all I needed to hear. And I felt my freaking cervix, like, open, and she just bursted through her freaking heads out. Same thing with my son, just kinda chilling in my canal for a little bit. And, again, just like the same incredible, like, just opening of my vagina. Just so utterly open because you have to be open to experience, again, this kind of pleasure and orgasm in sex, and to me, it's the same in birth. Like, just this incredible sense of opening. And when you are open like that, your cervix opens, and and that's what it felt like. And she was just in there, and, yeah, just incredible pulsing. It just felt incredible. And the same thing, she just kinda torpedoed out of me is what it felt like. She was just ejected. Like, my husband didn't even catch her at first.
Speaker 2
And I think your story so highlights so well this, you know, kind of remembering that being open is happening on every level. You know, you're spiritually open, your your heart is open, your mind is open, and, you know, I don't really understand how that can happen in any other environment, you know, beyond the comfort and safety of your home being witnessed by Yes. You know, only those that love you and respect you and and just that that that open feeling and everyone has their own, like, version of it, but it is opening a portal to life, you know, and it's it's so Yes. So major and such fire and such it's such a spiritual opening.
Speaker 3
And another, like, incredible vision that I had during this birth was, in the spirit of opening like we're talking about. So I I used the Malekic crystal stone, like, kind of as, like, a meditation partner throughout a lot of the second pregnancy, and it's supposed to be, you know, really amazing for birth and heart opening and all that kind of stuff. So I used it a lot, and I just kept it in my hand during my, labor. And I got this incredible vision that represented opening to me. Like, I actually so the way it looks to me is I was literally laying on in this, like, malachite cave, it looked like. So if you don't know what malachite looks like, it's kinda this, like, dark green, and there can be, like, spirals in it and stuff like that. And I was just I myself looked like a statue made out of malachite, but I wasn't like a statue. I was, like, moving, and I was, like, laying in this cave. And, like, I just saw this freaking, like, light go through the top of my head, and my legs were open, but there was no, like, anatomy from where, I guess, my well, my entire, honestly, like, reproductive area, my pelvis, there was just nothing. It was just light. So there was nothing, like, it just felt like just complete and utter opening. It was just like a light shining through. Like, there was no anatomy. So it was I was just being, like, you know, seeing these, like, visions that were essentially assisting me on my birth just to remain open. And I felt like it was just this, like, message again, like, from my cervix to remain that way, and I did. And then my baby flew out. It was amazing. And too, like, what what I find so fascinating this time around is that after the second birth, sex is just so much better, and my I'm literally able to feel my cervix, like, throbbing throughout the day. Like, just it's just when feelings of joy happen. It's not it's not even necessarily, like, sexually, quote, unquote, you know, sexually related. It's just, like, just when I'm feeling happy or just any positive things that are happening in my life. I can actually feel my cervix throb in response to it, so it's pretty amazing. And just like I said, having my daughter and being sexually connected to myself has just opened up my whatever you wanna call my energy meridians, like, even stronger, and it has actually made sex feel even better. You know? So it's just interesting to me, my own stories, seeing what can happen, you know, from not being sexually connected and then going back, you know, just kinda going to a pit of having, like, no libido or anything after that birth. And then this time around, like, being very connected to your sexual energy, having that birth experience again, and then, again, just having an amazing postpartum and and having that connection. So I've had kinda, I guess, two degrees of the spectrum of that, and that's just my only experience with birth. And it just I think the only the main thing that I can stress for anyone is just being extremely open minded. You know? Learning surrender is just so massively important, and I think that if you want to optimize it, if it's something that you an experience you would like to have, then I would highly recommend, like, try to get in touch with your sexual energy. You know? It's obviously, like, we're it's so funny again, like, being so connect disconnected from sex despite it being, like, the thing that happens for you to even have a baby to begin with. It's like, if you're afraid of giving birth, if you're afraid of the pain, kinda like not even knowing how it's gonna happen. You know? Like, I understand why women are afraid of it. Like, for me, even in my first pregnancy, I had I didn't know a lot about my vagina. I didn't even know where my cervix was or any of that. You know? So it it's just it's like this kinda blackness. So, obviously, like, go to the source, you know, like, get to know the freaking area. And that's what I did, and it just optimized it, I think, and it happened again. So yes.
Speaker 2
It's awesome. I'm sure this is gonna inspire many. Yeah. I've I've known women to if you're wondering as you're listening, like, what are what are ways that you can connect with your your vulva and your yoni, whatever you wanna call it, I know women who have written letters to it, who have, you know, gotten a mirror and drawn it, which I think is so cool. Absolutely. You know, map it and draw it.
Speaker 3
Yeah. You
Speaker 2
know, create a little altar for it. Mhmm. And then obviously right. Massage, like, actually touching it and looking at it, you know, especially if you've already had a baby, or I would say particularly, if you've already had a baby, and if there's and or if there's any trauma, you know, in your vulva area for any reason, to really look at it and speak to it as silly as that might feel in the beginning. It's everything Amanda's highlighting is is it's in the connection that the healing and the magic comes, you know. No pun intended.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Exactly. And it did. It felt like that to me in the beginning. It it totally felt I felt weird. It feels awkward if you are disconnected and especially then, again, being a mother, most many mothers, you know, they feel very disconnected from their sexual energy and their vaginas, and they don't want really want to touch it. And that's because we have such, like, just a negative view of what sex should be. It's like this goal oriented thing, you know, this quick, you know, women are just made to kinda feel like I don't like, they don't even have experience as much pleasure as men. It's just kinda like a, frankly, a pump and dump type type thing, you know, and men are are uneducated too as to what women can really feel. So I under I totally understand, having been through this myself, like, how awkward it can feel. But, again, once you know that this is possible, if it's something you wanna feel, then it's your responsibility, I think, to try. And Mhmm. Starting as slowly as you need as you need to. And like you said, like, just getting to know the area, like, actually touch it. You know? Go to the source. Totally. I absolutely have talked to, even apologized to, you know, my vagina and not even, you know, my my Yoni, like, not knowing I felt bad that I didn't know that it was capable of this incredible stuff. So I I I spent a lot of time doing that, you know, meditations going inward, like, all these, incredible things that Kim teaches, you know, from breast massage, yoni massage, self pleasuring techniques, like, jade egg work. Like, I've done it all, and it is just it's been the most important thing really that I can think of that I've done for myself because it's just, you know, when you think about your health, there's diet, exercise, whatever, spiritual practice. But most people leave out the sexuality aspect of it. Like you were saying, all the emotions and stuff. It's like, it's such an under utilized thing because people just don't understand what it's capable of.
Speaker 2
Well, and so much of the the even in spiritual rhetoric is to bypass it.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, like, to be above it. To be, you know, to to to not nurture it and connect to it. Yeah. No.
Speaker 3
It's totally just this incredible portal to
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Well, you've inspired me. I'm sure you've inspired everyone listening to this. One thing I did wanna ask you that has nothing to do with this at all, but, if it's based in when I met you that you showed up with your sweet little three month old girl, with no diaper.
Speaker 3
My diapers are my baby butt. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And we were all so impressed, and you really took I mean, you're the only purse like, mom I've ever hung out with that was diaper free with with her infant with a three month old, in this in North America anyway. Mhmm. And so, yeah, I was wondering too. I mean, I'm sure we could do a whole episode on that, but just, like, that was so fascinating to me and something that
Speaker 3
She stole diaper free. Oh, I just loved it. It has been I'm so completely taken aback by the depth that it's brought to my relationship with her. Like, she's been diaper free from birth, like like, you know, like, you saw her, but, it's just incredible. Like, I guess just like the regular recommendations, like, we just really made the conscious effort to pay attention to when she needed to go to the bathroom, what expressions she was making, sounds, whatever. And, you know, we spent the first, like, I guess, few weeks just observing what her signals were. And then at about a month so I know that there are definitely some people who just start actively taking their baby, like, over a toilet or whatever, like, right away. We actually did not do that. We just observed and let her, go on, like, pee pads and stuff at first. But then, again, around, like, a month old, I started actively taking her, and I was just, like, completely taken aback. Like, I just by her ability to understand, like, what what we were doing. I remember one time, like, again, at, like, a month old, I could tell she was, like, about to poop, like, very intensely, like, about to go, and I said, hold it. I picked her up, and we just, like she held it, and then I held her over the, you know, the sink, and I was just like, poo poo, which is our our cue. We say poo poo. And then she just released, and it's just it's freaking incredible. So, anyway, like, what I what I just loved about it is just this like, we have this, like, psychic connection. And I I felt very connected to my son, like, for sure. Like, I felt very connected to him, but I can absolutely say that, like, doing elimination communication bridges this, like, just incredible communication with your baby. Like, I feel like I just get these, like, ticks of, like, when she needs to go, you know, if she's not even in the freaking room. And I just take her, obviously. And I'm not saying that there haven't been, like, missus. Of course, there have been. But, I mean, like, we've been diaper free, from the beginning. We go on we've been on road trips. I actually took her for my first, like, international trip by myself with her, to Mexico for a weekend. I mean, I'm talking planes, taxis, obviously, just the place that we're going to. Like, we're traveling all over the place, and it was flawless. It was perfect. Like, she was just holding it. Like, the whole time, I would take her to the bathroom when I think she's how she needs to go. It was incredible. So, gosh. I can't say enough about it. It's just one of the most profound things I've done the second time in my my parenting journey with her. It's just been again, the birth coupled with this, I've just Wow. So deeply, deeply connected with her. I adore her.
Speaker 2
Yeah. You rolled up with a little adorable tiny baby in a little jumper with no diaper. And I was like, wait. Was she just in the car seat like that? You were like, yeah. I was like, oh, that shit is next level.
Speaker 3
Yes. And I forget. I I freaking forget, like, I of course, how could I how could I forget? But, like, I'm just used to having her diaper free, and everybody that meets her is shocked. And I I feel normal, but I'm just like, oh, yeah. It's like, awesome.
Speaker 2
Okay. Well, I'm double inspired now.
Speaker 3
Pretty easy. Yeah. I'm gonna learn
Speaker 2
how to cervical orgasm. Right. I'm gonna learn I'm gonna do diapers free from day one. Highly recommend. Awesome. Okay. Cool. Well, thank you so much. Do you have anything else you wanna say before we close?
Speaker 3
Just every single woman can have a cervical orgasm. That is for sure, and it is possible. You can do it. You obviously know how I learned to do it, but, just know that it is. Like, I again, like, maybe orgasmic birth isn't necessarily your goal, but you can definitely experience these incredible orgasms. Awesome. All of you.
Speaker 2
Love it. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Bye. That's it for today, everyone. Join us next week for another episode of the Free Birth Podcast. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your body, your choice. Lots of love.
