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Hello, wild women. I am popping in here with a super special summer episode to hold you over until we return with season four in September. I just couldn't wait to share this episode with you that I did with my friend, Kim Inami. Kim's an international sex coach and one of my personal inspirations for how she shows up in the world. So this episode dives into the concept of the well fucked woman, and we cover some of the tools of how to get there. We also unpack the jade egg and what to do about it, and what does it mean to be in our sexual power with a healthy vagina and pelvic floor. If you don't already know this about my podcast, there is a lot of cursing, and in this episode in particular, well, it's about sex, so be warned. Okay. I am excited today to have
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a
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long distance friend of mine Kim Inami on the show. Welcome.
Speaker 1
Thank you. I'm thrilled to be here.
Speaker 0
Yeah. This has been a long time in the making. You invited me on to your show this past year and, I'm excited to find the right time with you to really dive into, your genius today, which is, a unique genius that hopefully the more you share will not be so unique and that more women can share share in our our own geniuses of celebrating our sexuality, in feminism, in our power. Yeah. So welcome to the show.
Speaker 1
I'm it's wonderful to be here. I'm so excited for our discussion because I love all the parallels between openness and sovereignty and breaking through false paradigms, the parallels between birth and sexuality are the total crossover really.
Speaker 0
Yeah. Exactly. So let's let's go back just to give any listeners that are new to your work, let's kind of contextualize who you are. And and like I told you before we were recording, I don't really know your personal story of how this came to be a focal point in your life. So tell us the story.
Speaker 1
Well, from a young age, I always had an awareness of my own sexuality and sexual energy. Like, this was something I could feel and tune into. And then, of course, I would observe all these messages, you know, from the dominant culture and everywhere else, this programming about sex being, like, bad or dirty. And that just internally never really resonated with me. And somehow I managed to make it through, you know, my teenage years, like, relatively unscathed. And by the time I started experimenting sexually, I had some very cataclysmic experiences right off the bat. Like, my first orgasm was a cervical orgasm. And, you know, I just really had this sense that sex was this portal to other states of consciousness, to other states of awareness, and it was a way to self actualize. And so, you know, even as a teenager, I had this interest in beginning interest, I guess you could say, in transformation and change and how do we grow? How do we evolve? How do we become the best versions of ourselves? Like, I'd read about the concept of self actualization as a teenager, and I was like, oh, this makes so much sense. And then it wasn't until, I guess, my early twenties I started, I discovered tantra and Taoist sexuality. So these are five thousand year old ancient cultures who actually looked at sex as a pathway to enlightenment, as a way for rejuvenation, and they didn't have this attendant Western modern shame attached to it. Right? It was looked at more, almost like, not quite scientifically, but as it didn't have any of this other garbage attached to it. And that really resonated with me. So at the same time, I'm also on this path of, you know, studying everything from transpersonal psychology, philosophy, meditation, healthy eating, and exercise. And all of that, you know, is combined for me as a as a personal growth toolbox. And the more that I put all these things together, I really saw that sexuality was one of the most powerful and profound tools. Mhmm. And so that all just kind of culminated over the years into me creating this practice as a holistic sex and relationship coach. And I put a big emphasis on that word because I'm of the mind that our body gives us symptoms and signals of things that are unwell. And rather than just putting band aids on them, which is what any typical OB GYN or even a typical sex therapist will do. I'm all about getting to the root cause and actually healing things, which I believe is possible for everyone.
Speaker 0
Yeah. I'm I'm reminded as you say this of of the one time in my life that I found myself in an abusive relationship. I also found myself having BV, bacterial vaginosis for three years, and I was in the relationship for three years. And, the day, gosh, it must have been the very week that I left, my vagina healed. Isn't that amazing? And after three years of thinking like this was just my amazing was just my fate. This was what was going on. And I did have an inkling that maybe it was linked to him. But then I mean, so quick, my body rebalanced as my spirit rebalanced.
Speaker 1
I hear stories like that all the time, and that's really the crux of my work is getting people to then look at, alright, if you have these symptoms, what in your body, yourself, your life is out of alignment? Because that's really all your body is trying to tell you. Right? But that kind of even that line of thinking is so contrary to the dominant paradigm of Western medicine, which is, like, it doesn't matter. There is no relationship. We'll just stuff it down even more. You know, where I'm like, no no no no, I can fix that.
Speaker 0
Or I made the card.
Speaker 1
I can fix these problems, you know, I don't, you know, just get out of my way if you, if you're like, you know, I often tell people. Right? Like, one of my big, philosophies is, like, women don't need artificial lubricant because if they're not wet, it's because psychologically or physically, they're not ready. They're not open. There's some kind of barrier there. Right? And and the regular sex therapist would be like, Lou, who is the girl's best friend, like, always have a full nightstand of Lou. And I'm like, no. No. No. No. Get out of my bring me that vagina because I can get that vagina wet. You know? So that's it's all it's a great source of pleasure for me to be able to do that and offer that for people, and why I can speak so confidently about that and knowing that these are the solutions or that there are Mhmm. Solutions we can find that don't involve.
Speaker 0
I mean, we're just such a society of compartmentalization and and not prioritizing or centering the woman in any aspect. Right? So the lube is such a good example of, like, let's just bypass that she's not actually physiologically ready, you know, because that is a, a symptom. That is a message. Right? That's here for us, but let's just bypass it because it's time. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, for sure.
Speaker 1
And that's such a and you think about that, it's quite it's quite hideous, really. Right? It's basically like an institutionalized semi rape. If you wanna go that far to say, like, let's have sex with a woman even though she's not ready.
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Well And
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tell her that this is, like, a liberated thing to do. Let's have a bottle of lube and force the vagina to do this. Right? And so, yeah, that's a very good expansion on that and an example of that where something becomes I often in my work use the idea of normal versus normalized, which I'm sure you can relate to in your work too. Right? Where things become normalized. You know, like, one of the things I'm most known for is vaginal kung fu, lifting weights with the vagina, using a yoni Right. Strengthening the vagina, where most women think it's normal to pee their pants, you know, and normal for their vaginas to fall out after baby. It's not. It's become normalized, but it never should have been. Right? There's a massive flaw in the system. So that's a a big thing that I quite actually enjoy, turning those sorts of ideas on their head and giving people the actual solutions and tools to rectify these things without
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any kind of
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invasive drugs.
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So I do wanna go back because this is something that has spiked my interest since the first time I heard about it, through your podcast and through, some women that are in both of our communities. The cervical orgasm idea. It's a it's a it's a mystical idea for me. What does that mean? And and actually furthermore, I just wanna to to to center that I've heard you say and and I've heard, women who have done your your courses before talk about eleven different types of female orgasm. So please teach us what the hell that means. Well,
Speaker 1
look, there are where do I start? So, you know, in the vagina. So the cervical orgasm is considered to be the queen of all female orgasms. And often when most of the time when people talk about female orgasm, they're talking about the clitoris. And they just use the blanket phrase female orgasm. And I'd be like, well, which one are you talking about? Like, there's a lot. So clearly those people don't know and they've never experienced it. And so, look, the cervical so the Daoists mapped out reflexology points in the vagina. And just like, you know, your ear or your foot, that there's different areas that correspond to different organs and different emotions. And the cervix is considered to be the heart point in the brain. And not only that, but it connects the vagus nerve, like, basically all the way up from the cervix to the crown chakra. So you have this pathway that's connecting you to higher states, like to your highest self, to the spirit world. And the vagus nerve is thought to be the most, like, spiritual nerve in the body, a very powerful nerve. And then, of course, the heart connection. So the idea with the cervical orgasm so most women will say that, or often will say that their cervixes are tight or sore, or if they go in to be penetrated there, it kind of hurts them. And that's just a sign a sign of two things. One, that you're going too quickly and, you know, rushing in there before taking your time and really opening up the area. And two, that there's stuff to be released. Right? So we, as women, feelings, stuffed emotions, unresolved experiences gets stored there. And in particular, in the cervix, which I would consider to be the epicenter of female sexuality. So as you know, this is the gateway between life and death. Right? This is the pathway to the other worlds is the cervix. So it's a very, very powerful portal. And so through stimulating the cervix and opening into the cervix and by open, I don't mean literally that it opens up and you penetrate it. I mean more of an energetic opening and an energetic penetration. That women can have these cataclysmic, life changing dimension, you know, consciousness ascending orgasms by stimulating that area, opening into that experience, and then releasing all kinds of stuff. So cervical orgasms are often characterized by women crying. Right? They just have these incredible releases of emotion and energy, and they don't have to be and often aren't connected to any particular memory or experience or trauma. It's just like a release. The body has found a way to release and process stuff. And this is why I say, vaginal orgasms and particularly cervical orgasms are women's one of their best personal growth tools. You could save on thousands of hours of therapy if you can have a lot of cervical orgasms in your life on a day daily regular basis. And so and the another quality of it would be feeling like you are I used to describe it, like, back in the days when we did such things as taking ecstasy. You've ever taken ecstasy and you have this, like, full body, emotional, spiritual, psychological opening, bliss, transcendence, feeling as one. Like, all of your peak experiences of your life really are what come to play in a cervical orgasm. So it feels different. It looks different than a a clitoral orgasm, which is characterized by this ascension, a peak, some pelvic contractions, and then this decline. And a cervical orgasm is rather than maybe like climbing a mountain then coming down again. It's like a series of rolling hills that just keep getting higher and higher and higher and higher, and you never really have to drop off. And so women will and that's really the essence of that French phrase, la petite moire, the little death and rebirth, because I would have these orgasms even as a teenager. And I would feel like the false kind of civilized, it programmed kind of parts of myself would just fall away. And I would emerge out of these sexual encounters feeling more of myself, more centered, more grounded, more of my true self without effort. That was the key thing. Right? I'm not like, fake it till you make it. It's like, no, you walk out of the bedroom feeling like a different person. You act differently, you talk differently, you walk differently, you feel like you're in your body. You know, to me, one of the worst feelings in the world is when you feel like you're not quite in your body. You know, like, you're not quite there. You're a little bit off center. I hate that. And this, to me, is one of the most amazing ways to bring yourself back to that wholeness and centeredness. And, like, this is me. This is the essence of me. I might have gotten off track here or there or this week or yesterday or today. Boom. Here I am back in the strongest, most authentic part of myself.
Speaker 0
Beautiful. So then I'd love to hear what you have to say around self pleasure. Or is this something that you really need a penis for? Or is this something that you're finding just as connected and and all of this amazing potential with a wand or, like, what's that all about?
Speaker 1
Yeah. Great question. So I always say that people can be very well fucked whether they are single or in a relationship. And some people in relationships are not well fucked at all. Probably most. So absolutely. Like but my distinction is around the way that you both have sex and self pleasure. Like, I distinguish between gourmet sex and junk food sex. And so, you know, gourmet junk food sex is more like a quick porn induced masturbation session, or if you're with a partner, a very quick, let's just get to orgasm. That's the the ultimate goal. Kind of bust one out as stress relief and then we'll pass out. Right. To me, those are the more unconscious, not very it's like depleting. They're depleting experiences versus gourmet sex, which is more higher level. You're bringing more parts all parts of yourself, like, emotionally, physically, psychologically, spiritually to the table. Right? You're opening yourself. You're surrendering. You're allowing yourselves to be vulnerable. And then that is what takes you into this other dimension of gourmet sex and what I call life changing sex. And my my big barometric question to know whether you're having this or not is, does sex leave you feeling energized, rejuvenated, transformed, and like it changed your life. And if not, then you're doing it wrong, which isn't a value judgment as much to say as there's a way to have sex that gives you energy or takes away energy. And so you could do that absolutely while you're single through self pleasuring or, yes, certain kinds of internal vaginal toys are great for that. And breathing techniques, like, I work a lot on this idea of harvesting sexual energy. Right? So rather than ejecting all your energy at the point of orgasm, like, and then, like, kind of passing out, it's like, no. After you have sex or you self pleasure, you ought to feel like you can run a marathon. And I honestly am not exaggerating. That's how much energy this is your creative life force energy. And if you're not creating babies with it, you can use that energy, funnel it back into, and channel it out into your life. And that is the main purpose of the work that I teach is sure.
Speaker 0
And that's that's, like, the fun foundation of tantric text. Right?
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Yeah.
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Like, healing the energy and
Speaker 1
Yes. Yeah. Exactly. Not just dumping it out on the most base kind of lustful level. Again, these aren't I'm not making value judgments attached to this. It's more a quality of, like, what's rejuvenating us versus what is Mhmm. Depleting us.
Speaker 0
Mhmm. Interesting. So maybe maintenance sex or would be like snack sex? Like, not maybe not junk food, but just like a pop in for a for a snack?
Speaker 1
Well, I often use this idea of couples hovering at what I call a sexual simmer or even within yourself if you're regularly self pleasuring. Meaning, if we consider ten to be orgasm and zero to be not feeling even vaguely aroused, we always want to be hovering somewhere between a seven and a ten, meaning we never really drop all the way down. So if you you always have this constant kind of of arousal and sexual electricity between you, that means that you can have a short encounter, even five minutes to ten minutes, and it can be gourmet because you both feel, like, connected. You both feel close. You don't have all these cobwebs and debris of unresolved issues between you. You're actually doing the ongoing work of staying clear and open, communicating, and keeping that sensual flow going between you. So, yes, a five minute encounter could be gourmet sex, and a two hour encounter could be gourmet sex.
Speaker 0
Totally. Yeah. Okay. I I think I'm thinking of kind of two cornerstone issues that, you know, we're we're we're all very familiar with of of so many women, you know, around us talk about this. One of the cornerstone issues is the men, the male partners coming too fast. So way, way, way, way, way, way, way before, you
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know, a woman Describe that well, by the way, way, way, way, way, way. That's totally accurate. Right.
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And I've heard you I've heard you talk about this before. And and and, you know, and of course, you're not the only one. It's it's, perhaps even maybe common knowledge among conscious women, you know, that a woman needs some time, you know, maybe even forty five minutes to really begin opening and getting out of her head and dropping down and really opening up. You know, I love the kind of like vision of a flower or something blooming. So these two cornerstone issues being one, the male partner having zero control or very, very, very little. And and just what I hear all over the place is, you know, that the woman really has to train herself to to kind of rein in her energy because as her energy escalates, the partner's going to orgasm. So there's one cornerstone thing I'd love to hear what you think on. And then the other one is this, you know, concept of the destruction of sexuality after birth. And so this idea of a woman, or a mother rather, feeling, you know, sexually shut down, lack of libido, touched out, you know, all of this. And then also, and not that I'm not at all meaning to invalidate that experience. Of course, that can be very true for many women. And I also notice, this idea that women really hang on to of like, it's somehow supposed to be how it was, which is so silly because of course, life always changes and life is always shifting. And so how to kinda, just presencing that because I know a lot of my listeners have gone through birth and are feeling, you know, this kind of disconnect and wanting to just, I guess, explore that a little bit of how to recreate or remit yourself, and not using now that you're a mom as an excuse to not show up in a redefined, you know, role of a sexual woman and a mom and that those very much can can merge, of course.
Speaker 1
Hey. Lots of great stuff there. So let's start with the stamina idea. So the number one sexual skill that men need to create and build is stamina. Number one. Because a woman is not going to get to the deeper places she can get if she's just getting fucked, dumped, and pumped, and slumped, you know, for five minutes. Right? Pump, dump, slump. That's sort of the Name me your book. Formula. Right. Right. Like the two pump chomp club. I was gonna do a video of like a support group for two pump chomps, you know. But, anyway, and like this is like in the Daoist framework, they say that sexually speaking men are like fire. They're quick to ignite night and quick to extinguish. Women are like water, and they're slow to boil, but they keep on boiling. And so the trick then is to meet in the middle. So the the work for a woman is to learn how to, you know, really get in touch with her sexuality. So like like I mentioned earlier, she's hovering at more of a simmer. Right? She doesn't have to go from ice to get to boiling. She's already simmering most of the time. So this is her own personal work, her own comfort, familiarity with her sexuality, perhaps using a jade egg and self pleasuring and just, like, exploring and being passionate about sex as a personal growth tool, valuing that as an important part of her being. Then for men, absolutely, is to learn to build stamina. And a woman is never going to be sexually satisfied with a five minute fucker. Right? It's not going to happen. And I honestly think then that's a lot of the reason why women might start to basically think they don't like sex, is because they get fucked for five minutes, a guy passes out and rolls over, you know, and they're kinda like, well, what? I'm just a receptacle for cum? Like, that's not you know what I mean? They're not gonna have even had they don't know what they don't know. So they get told this, again, this misinformation that there's only clitoral orgasms. Right? Which can just be had with a finger or a tongue, and they don't even need penetration. And they can kind of, you know, diminish the the power of what's actually available in the vagina, like juice, blood, orgasms, cervical orgasms, what I call the life changing and essential good fuck medicine for women. Right? These internal orgasms. So, yeah, it's I've got a lot of videos out there for men, like, how to last longer in bed. On my YouTube channel, there's a whole series of called Sexual Mastery for Men on my YouTube channel if anybody wants to send their partners there. And men tend to enjoy my language because I'm like, yeah, women should be eating calm. And, you know, like, they're like, honey, have you seen this Kim and Ame woman? So I've got great resources out there for meal partners. But, yeah, it's definitely women need to have that because, you know, another thing that happens is women might start to open, they're feeling pleasure, and then, yeah, the man just bails out at a crucial moment. And so she stops trusting him. And that lack of trust, even though she can't often articulate where it's come from, then translates into nagging and belittling and humiliation and, you know, day to day kind of eating into the man, which isn't exactly unjust ified if he was is a five minute fucker. Right? But but most both people probably don't understand what the source is of all of that frustration. She's under fucked and feeling frustrated. Right? And I've often said, like, for men, if you've got a woman who you you know, and men will use these cliches to, like, a a naggy, whiny, bitchy woman. I'm saying all that's telling me is you're not fucking enough. You're not fucking enough or well enough, basically. So that's the most important work for men, really. And then this concept of potentially losing touch with a woman's sexual energy during after birth, I mean, you know, like, for one that a lot of women experience traumatic births. And so they're often suffering from PTSD. And the thing this whole area is going to be full of trauma because of what's happened to them. Right? And so one of the last things they're going to want to feel is opening up in that area if there's still all this unresolved trauma that's being, you know, lodged there. It's been stored there. And that no one's really validating their experiences. I'm sure in your community, it's different. Right? But for the average woman, or even if some women aren't giving enough credence to that, you know, because they want to try to own their experience, like, yes, own it, but also realize that often women are being abused or birth raped or, you know, whatever equivalent to that. So, look, for me, when I see a couple who is really close and connected, their sex life is thriving, they have a really great communication system where they're open, they practice radical honesty. When they have a baby, usually then the baby is born in a way that's more smooth and easy and without complication, and then their sex life also continues. So, like, in that same vein, like, one of the biggest things that will happen is if a couple already has any kind of distance or issues in their relationship, that will, a, show up in the birth, and it will definitely show up after the birth, where the birth then becomes this opportunity for them to rationalize away the stuff they haven't dealt with in their relationship. Meaning, like, children are one of the best excuses in the world for not having sex. Mhmm. Nobody is going to invalidate that. Oh, you haven't had sex in prior two years. Oh, you, of course, You have young kids. Right? It's bullshit. I don't buy the excuse because I believe that in a relationship that's actually conscious and thriving and elevated, that couple is going to, you know, waltz through the birth, and they're gonna actually find that the birth brings them closer together and feeling more desirous, more sexual, more empowered, and more connected. Because, you know, if you are if you're not I often use this analogy of two cars driving on the highway. Okay. Let's say you're gonna do a road trip with your partner. Right? So you've got a two hour drive to get to this destination. And one option is you're like, okay, well, you know, let's take two cars and we can drive, you know, it's a two lane highway. We can sort of drive together. We can wave to each other as as we're driving in the cars. We can stop for lunch and have lunch together and then get back in the car and I'll see you at the destination. And that is the makeup of most relationships. Or you have the kind of relationship that's much more interconnected and you're feeding each other. So you're in the same car. On that journey, your one person might be feeding the other person or navigating or selecting the music. Maybe you take turns driving, and somebody gets a blow job on the way, you know. And then you get to your destination, and you both feel kinda happy and energized, and that was fun. And, like, there's and there's two types of relationships. The one where people are getting energy from each other. They become source and a place of sanctuary and rejuvenation for each other, right, which to me is, like, the most important thing that you need as parents. You need to be in that place where you look at your relationship as a place to get energy. This is your most important fueling station that you have access to in your lives. But if you have unresolved issues, if you like, let's just say that a couple had there was an infidelity incident, you know, years back, and they never fully recovered from that. They never fully processed it. They never really owned it. They never really resolved it and got to a place of moving past it. That stuff still lingers in the relationship and creates blockages. Right? Like, even if they're unseen, but people are stepping all over them and building on top of them and navigating around them, they're still there. And then that's where, like, the rubber hits the road. Like, I look at all of these things, like birth as being barometers, orgasms as being barometers, a woman's libido as being a barometer, four. Do we have a clear, what I call a pane of glass between the two partners? Right? So think about the two of you have a clear pane of glass between you. Right? And every every lie, every sin of omission puts a, like, clump of mud up on this glass. Right? It starts out clear, and then over the years of not dealing with things, of sweeping things under the carpet, you end up with this either very muddy glass or an actual brick wall that's now been built between the two of you. So in the relationships that I try to coach people to create is keeping that glass clean. So that's ongoing processing, conversation, resolution about things, using our triggers and our issues as pivots for learning and going deeper, right, and transcending together as a conscious couple. And and sexually using our sexual and I call it the holy fuck. Right? Using your sexual connection as this alchemizing place. So, yes, we have this incredible potential to make babies, but we can also use that energy to clean out our lives and to fuel our lives. And this is what I really try to get people focused on. So to be honest, like, it's not a way of shaming women if somebody isn't feeling, you know, desirous after birth or children. It's more to say, let's again use this as a symptom. Because in in a in an ideal world, which obviously there's so many barriers to in the modern way of doing these things, to me, a birth is orgasmic, and it brings a couple closer together, and that actually creates the super glue bond that they're going to need to parent, you know, with a lot more power and energy and confidence, and that that kind of internal instinct of navigation.
Speaker 0
Mhmm. So if a couple is listening to this and they're looking at each other right now going, fuck, we really gotta clear that glass. And and, you know, the intention is there and the and the willingness is there. What are some kind of first steps, in terms of of your work and what you see to work really well to kind of find their way back or to begin the the the clearing of the the glass through through the sexual intimacy?
Speaker 1
Yeah. So two things, connecting dates and sex dates. So I suggest that if a couple isn't regularly communicating and staying open or they feel like there's a buildup on the glass, make two to three connecting dates a week. So this would be twenty to thirty minutes where you set aside time to talk about the deeper issues in your relationship. And by deeper issues, I don't mean day to day admin of work or children or chores around the home. I mean, your deeper stuff. Right? Like, if you had to look at that pane of glass, like, visualize that, what are some things that you feel you haven't let go of, you haven't forgiven, it still bothered you? You know? And then communicate about those in as loving as a way you can. Right? And as as much as you can to take responsibility for those things. Like, for example, with the issue of, let's say, infidelity. Like, I never just point the finger at the so called cheater or stepper outer because to me, if that happens in a relationship, both people have been participating in a dynamic that has led to a de evolution in the relationship where then one person might have stepped out, but the other person is withdrawn in their own ways. So I'm all about, you know, radical self responsibility. Right? How did I help create this situation? Where can I take responsibility? So doing that two to three times a week and trying to go back and clear any past class that honestly could be five or ten years old, you know, some of these issues, or an issue from breakfast. Like, you know, you could have an argument at breakfast and then go to have sex at night having not really cleared or resolved the argument, and she probably won't be wet and he might not be as hard or he comes in five minutes. And that's really symptomatic of the fact that there's unresolved stuff hanging in the ethers. Right? Our bodies are barometers for our actual level of openness and connection. And then the other thing would be sex dates, as I have people schedule sex dates. And so, again, you carve out time. I, you know, and I get that people have, oh, but we have kids. Oh, but we have but we're working. Oh, it's like, oh, oh, oh. So, you know, I have Oh,
Speaker 0
you're living.
Speaker 1
I have, a great story of a couple who came to my Bali retreat a few years ago, and they had five children between them. They were both on their second marriage, so they'd both been in sexless, kind of miserable first marriages for ten or fifteen years, and both had the courage to leave. Right? Not they didn't meet each other and leave. They'd done that independently and then found each other. And they because they had been in such crappy first relationships marriages, they were really committed to, okay, okay, my next relationship, I'm really gonna show up and put everything into this. And then they met each other, and he was, like, you know, high powered CEO. She was upper level management. Right? So very busy lives and careers, and they had a commitment to each other to have sex every single day. Every single day, no matter what. Right? And so that if that means getting up half an hour earlier in the morning, if that means staying up half an hour later in the evening, if that means like, like, I knew one couple who actually bought a trailer, like a caravan, and put it in their backyard as their private mom and dad space. If this trailer's a rockin', don't come a knockin', you know, so that their kids could be in the house. And however, like, you can get creative. If there's a will, there's a way, you know? And so you have, like, sex dates. I often recommend, and this might seem daunting for some, and so a weekly three hour sex date where you actually have all of this time to connect with each other, you know, where you're not feeling the pressure of interruptions and having to, you know, finishing at this certain time, you can actually fully relax. So I'd say the ideal is a three hour weekly sex date and then a couple of other sex dates. Like, I'm a big proponent of morning sex because I get it. Kids get up early. Well, get the fuck up earlier than your kids. Right? If your kids get up at six, set the alarm for five thirty and get up and have your sex day. Right? You roll over and you just go at it for, like, half an hour. Yeah. So, look, I think when children are young enough, like, I don't think there's a problem to be having them in your bed and you being intimate. There's probably an age where that needs to you know, there's a boundary there, but, you know, when people have, like, young newborn babies, and they're like, well, the baby's in the bed. And, like, the baby was in your belly. Like, what was what is the difference? Like, you know, really so it was probably more more under aware of what was going on when it was in your belly. Totally.
Speaker 0
Yeah. And I wanted I wanted to offer something for the connection dates, something that that my husband and I do that has been helping really well to just get right to it is we use a, not this is for the connection, not the sex. I have no advice for the sex. The connection dates are, if you really knew me, you would know. And just starting with that, if you feel kind of plugged up, that that's just a really easy way to unplug the, you know, uncork the bottle and just see what comes out. If you really knew me, you would know. It's something my mentor taught me. And we have this little practice of, it's they're like mini reveals. So they're called reveal exercises. And at the end of the day, we just do a quick, it's usually five minutes, a quick check-in of, Hey, did I withhold anything throughout the day? Is there anything to clear? Is there anything to reveal? And what we find almost always, and for us, we only stay on today's page. It's not a time to get into five years ago, or you always, it's none of that. It's just today. Did anything kind of get stored up that I didn't clear and I'm offering this because what I have found is most of the time, the things I'm withholding is actually appreciation. It's not, irritation or oh, you didn't or oh, your socks are on the floor. It's actually, hey, I really forgot. I really didn't, reveal to you how much I appreciated you making me breakfast, you know, so that I could get to work or whatever it is. And so, so often that pretty much every time it very quickly, enters a very giggly, very intimate, you know, realm where now I'm sitting on his lap while he does his reveal. And and so that for us has been a really quick, very quick insertion point for us to, yeah, connect. And we do it without our kid around as best as we're able. And, and that often, you know, leads to making out or, you know, maybe making love, but there's not a lot of that happening out in our household. But at least there's a good action point. And and so, yeah, that that's something that I found to be just, like, a really quick way to cut to the chase of of getting to the meat of of intimacy, really, or or clearing that window, like you said.
Speaker 1
I love that. That's beautiful. I love both of those. If you really knew me, you would know, and these daily reveals, whether they're Mhmm. Like the like you said, the appreciation or could be a point of frustration too, but Totally. That's that's exactly in practice, that's what clearing the glass looks like. And Mhmm. In in an intimate way. Right? Like, you know, getting into a place of intimacy, because that's what we're can get brushed aside easily in the day to day admin of our lives. Right? It's like this needs to be done, that needs to be done. We become like these partners in chores. Right? Or admin of a of a little house business that we're running even at Totally. And clearing
Speaker 0
and clearing with the intention to take responsibility is incredibly important there. So it's not a time to be like, you, you, you always, always, always, you know, that that's not going to increase intimacy. But what we can logically understand that increasing intimacy is going to happen through taking responsibility and through how we're co creating. So even that language of, you know, clearing a withhold, I think is really important to, you know, use things like, you know, these are the facts and this is the story I made up or like this is, you know, you brought lunch home for just yourself, That happened. And the story I made up was, you're a selfish asshole that doesn't care about me. You know, and so just to take responsibility for this is the story I made up from from this act and distinguishing fact from story is, I mean, I don't know if I'd be able to still be married without these tools, you know, the the without the really practicing taking responsibility because otherwise, you're just villainizing each other all day. Totally. That's a
Speaker 1
really good point, and I love that you have these tools. That's fantastic. Yeah. That's wonderful. I mean, another way of, like, starting to kinda open the heart would be, like, twenty things I love about you where you go back and forth. Right? Like, I say one, you say one. I say because that's what you're trying to do, is just sort of crack through that layer of the mundane and get into your heart.
Speaker 0
Okay. So I also wanna hear a little bit about the Jade egg. That is not something I have any experience with, but I'm interested, and it seems to be a pretty big part of what you talk about. Obviously, you have gotten a lot of attention for weightlifting with with the egg. So, yeah. Tell me a little bit about it and and it's what's in the back of my mind about it is, and I've heard you talk about it in the past and you kind of mentioned it in the beginning around healing prolapse and, you know, that it's it's not normal, to pee when you sneeze and we know that's such a common experience. And, my understanding loosely is that, perhaps women are healing their pelvic floor weakness through strength strengthening with the JDIG. So, yeah, I'd love to hear you talk about this.
Speaker 1
Yes. Yeah. Exactly. So let's start with this idea. Like, most people have heard of Kegel exercises. Right? Like, ever since you were younger, you probably heard, oh, do your Kegel is to strengthen your vagina or maybe make your vagina tight, you know, which is a misnomer, but we'll get to that in a moment. So the actual exercise that doctor Kegel invented in nineteen forty seven, he was an OB GYN and saw all these issues of urinary incontinence with his patients was to strengthen the vagina and the the pelvic floor muscles. And he did this using an internal device called the Kegel Perineometer, which was put inside the vagina because it was essential to have something to create feedback and resistance. Right. So think about going to the gym. Do you walk into the gym and flap your arms and legs around in the air for twenty minutes and then leave? Or do you actually pick up a weight, like say a bicep, and you press? Right. You press. And it's the it's the resistance that's creating muscle, and it's the feedback of the amount of weight you have that's telling you where to find that sweet spot of just enough weight to exert, you know, some effort versus something that's too easy and not really having an impact. So that's what the object or a weight does for us. And this is what so Kegel had a ninety percent success rate with curing urinary incontinence with this device. And then for whatever reason, some doctors began to modify his exercise after that without using a device. So they just told people, women, to go and flap their vaginas around them in the wind. You know, I really. Right? And so immediately, the exercise rate of success tanked fifty percent and then, you know, kept dropping. And so the estimates now, like, Yale University School of Medicine says that we have in the US upwards of sixty percent of women who have urinary incontinence issues, and fifty percent of women after childbirth suffer some kind of prolapse. These are fucking insane. Right? These are just ludicrous, and that tells you that we have a massive problem. And I think it mainly stems from these sexually inexperienced and under flapped OB GYNs who are telling their clients to, what do you call it, flap their vaginas at random in the wind. And then, of course, that doesn't work, and so then they tell them to get some kind of weird surgery, like like pelvic mesh or sew their vagina together, which is absolutely completely ludicrous and useless and damaging and often for life. So the I Because I mentioned earlier that I'd studied Dallas sexual philosophies for the last, like, thirty years, and part of their school of thought was using a jade egg. So women would use a jade egg inside the vagina with the same intention as the kegel exercise, which is to strengthen the pelvic floor, which creates everything from increased lubrication when you have circulation, I e blood flow because you're engaging the muscles, you have lubrication. Like, that's the number one physical, apart from, you know, preventing things like incontinence benefit that women get from that. You have increased sensation and pleasure and more orgasms. Your libido goes up because now you can actually feel something in your vagina. Most women's vaginas are numb because they don't actually well, there's a whole energetic level of dissociation and then traumatization that creates numbness, but from the physical strength perspective, from not actually using them in any conscious way. So using the JDIG has that same principle of feedback and assistance that was the original Kegel exercise. So all of the people all over the world who are doing quote, unquote, Kegels by just flapping their vaginas and squeezing them randomly, even if you do that three hundred times, you're not having an impact. It's useless. And so all of that information is wrong, which has it really has to make you think. Like, the only reason that I can come up with why OB GYNs changed it is because they were terrified to tell women to go home and put something in their vaginas. You know? That's the only thing I can come up with because any any any person with a thinking brain would realize the logic in that, right, or even through just realizing what the original exercise was. So now I've worked, you know, and then women would come to me over the years and be like, you know, those key goals just don't work for me. And I realized they don't work for anybody. I've yet to find a woman who they work for. And then because I'd had the knowledge and the experience of the Jade egg, that's when I began teaching the Jade egg. And then I create a whole other course around it, vaginal kung fu, which is, you know, all, like, you know, spiritual, energetic, emotional, psychological education and reeducation of all things vagina. Because it's one thing to just do exercises, but for me, there's so much more multidimensional healing that ought to be taking place to have full recovery and resolution and thriving. Right? It's not just, like, do a few physical exercises. It's like going to a diet versus going on a diet to lose weight versus a full overhaul of your lifestyle. Do you emotionally eat? Do you psychologically eat? Do you you know what I mean? Do you eat to suppress? What's your environment like? Like, are you eating quality foods? Like, all of those factors are really important. So the J Day, I consider to be essential for all women. This is just like exercising any other part of your body, and you get this increased sentience, articulation in the vagina. Like, think about your hat. Right? Your hand can just lie there like a flat, passive entity, and you put things in it. Right? And it just sits there. Or your hand can grip something that's in it. Right? You can articulate and separate your each finger to have to move while one finger stays straight. Your vagina can do the same thing. You can learn to isolate the left side, the right side, the top, the opening.
Speaker 0
Shut up. You can,
Speaker 1
like, flip an egg over in your vagina. You can give your partner a hand job with your vagina. You can make your partner ejaculate. -Wait,
Speaker 0
mom, exactly. -You could flip the egg over. -Vaginas -That's amazing.
Speaker 1
-Yeah. Listen, those those Thai vaginas that we hear about that shoot ping pong balls, in my view, that is the normal, healthy baseline for every single vagina on the planet. That is what a normal, healthy vagina ought to be able to do. It ought to have that much control and articulation. Vaginas that fall out and pee their pants Yeah. Not normal. Normalized, but not normal.
Speaker 0
So when you have the egg in, are you doing an exercise or, like like, how do I say this? Do you need to be doing something to keep it up or, like and how long do you,
Speaker 1
like You move it around. Okay. You move like, look. Three to four times a week, ten to fifteen minutes a session is enough to have a very powerful
Speaker 0
And are you walking around or are you just, like, standing?
Speaker 1
No. No. This is a big misconception. Like a lot of people after my whole thing went viral and the egg became kind of like translated into the the mainstream ish, people were like, everyone just sell Jade eggs. And so they were just telling people you can buy them and just walk around with it in your vagina all day, which is a load of bullshit. If anyone tells you that, they basically don't know what they're doing. So it's it's kind of like going to the gym. Like, right? Like, if you took a weight and just taped it to your shoulder and walked around with it all day and, oh, I did a big shoulder workout today. It's like, no, you didn't do shit. You did nothing. So you actually need to have con like, dedicated conscious time to do your exercises. That's how it works. And it can work very well. I've had women who've had, like, twenty years of urinary incontinence, like, had to wear pads to go for a run, couldn't go on trampolines with their kids in one week, completely eliminated it by using the
Speaker 0
I mean, it makes sense. You're totally waking up the whole area and getting it online again.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. And that not just and this is the beautiful thing, not just physically. Right. Right? Like, you then you notice a whole other energy that's awoken, which is a great word, in yourself from activating your vagina. So your vagina then starts to act as the, you know, I believe our reproductive organs have all of these symbolic qualities. Right? Like the womb as this creative receptacle, and the ovaries as this creative energy generators, these engines, and vagina, like, all as our creative centers. And so what women often notice just through doing these exercises and, again, like, I teach a more multidimensional approach with that too, with the knowledge that that's what these women are waking up. But they start to become more confident in their lives, more outspoken, more creative, more, you know, like, easygoing because they have now this integral part of themselves Mhmm. That they were generally women are dissociated from. Right? And now they're beginning to integrate all of these energies into their lives. And and I honestly believe this is a big reason why we have so many birth mishaps. We get women who get growth on their organs because they're so they're so literally cut off that the organs themselves get cut off physically. Yeah. Right? Because we are energetically cut off. So all of these practices are about unifying. And even if a woman doesn't have a uterus or doesn't have ovaries, you can still tap into the phantom qualities of those organ energies. Right? They're still present. And even more important to try to integrate them if the physical organ has already been moved.
Speaker 0
So for for if someone of your mastery, is this something that you still do every week or it's because it's like it's working out. It's exercise you have to maintain.
Speaker 1
Exactly. There might be times in my life where I'm more focused on it, like, let's say and I use and usually the impetus for that would be if I feel like I'm in a creative rut. Mhmm. That's what I notice. I'm like, okay, I need to rejig, rev up, do something different with my sexual practices, and that isn't just about masturbation or having sex. That means my my Jade egg
Speaker 0
work. Okay.
Speaker 1
Right? Or other kind of sexual qigong practices that I do and teach in vaginal kung fu. Like, I work with all of that. It's like, okay. I'm a I have a big new creative project coming up, so I'm gonna redouble. I'm gonna do twice the amount of egg work, twice the amount of sex dates, twice the amount of self pleasure. You know, all of this stuff, twice the amount of breast massage because I know that these are my movers and shakers. These are my sources of sexual energy. And if I want more of it, that's where I go for my source.
Speaker 0
Mhmm. Yeah. And the tools that I work with, they're called creative slash sexual feelings. So, they actually very intentionally have them paired when we talk about the five core emotions, sadness, fear, anger, joy, and creativesxual, to to really kind of identify that it's all the same. Creative and sexual is quite
Speaker 1
synonymous.
Speaker 0
Yeah. Cool. Okay. Well, then I'd love to pivot into you telling us about these amazing courses you offer and specifically, the one that I'm gonna be joining in on that I'm even more excited now about. So, yeah, take it away. Tell us about it.
Speaker 1
Well, I run courses throughout the year for men, women, couples, vaginas, and pregnancy birth stuff, which I obviously do as well. The Well Flocked Woman horse is the one that we were talking about. And years ago, I came up with this kind of concept meme of the Well Flocked Woman. And it it was born out of I used to have a gym in my building, and I'd go down to work out, like, you know, three or four times a week. And there was this older German guy in there. He was about in his fifties at the time, and And he would be like, oh, Kim, I can tell you're really getting some. Hey. And I'd be like, how can you tell I'm getting or I'd come in, you know, and he'd be like, oh, Kim, it's been a while. Hey. I was like, how does this guy know exactly what's going on in my sex life? Because he could see it. He could read it in my energy field. Right? And so over the years then, as I began to consciously use more and more of my sexual energy in these practices, I came to see what I now call, you know, the phenomena of the wealth of trauma. So this is a woman. She can be single, coupled, have a partner, not have a partner, but she's learned how to tap into, just like we were talking about here with the vagina, learn into to tap into her sexual energy, and it becomes something that she's wearing. She's radiating out this energy now so that it becomes a palpable thing. And I teach this thing to my people called meditate, masturbate, create, which is a deliberate way of cultivating that energy. So you meditate for ten minutes, use self pleasure for ten or fifteen minutes using these specific breathing techniques that I teach, and then you go do something other world. And I remember, like, this I hear these kinds of stories all the time, but the minute I this woman like, the next day, I'd sent out this email, and and she emails me back and she's like, Kim, I did this practice last night and I was in town walking down the street and this guy was on the other side of the road and came running across the street up to me and said, hey, You're beautiful. I just need I need to get your number. Can I take you out? And then she went further, like, down the street, like, later in the day, and another guy comes up to her. And and it's like, these guys were just reacting reacting and feeling this energy that she was radiating from herself. She's not, like, gorgeous supermodel. You know what I mean? Like, she's just, like, like, attractive woman, but they were feeling this quality. So, anyway, this idea of the well fucked woman. And, you know, throughout history, there's been this concept, even the word hysteria. Right? Hysteria means uneasy wound in Latin. And it came from this concept that women were not being basically well fucked, and it's been in the DSM literature for two thousand years. Like, Galen and Hippocrates talk about it, like, that women were not when they weren't being sexually pleasured, they would manifest these symptoms of frustration, irritation, anger, depression. And the and the term hysteria was, like, this concept of uneven emotion. Right? Like, up and down and up and down. And so, you know, to me, this is what I call or females utterly freaking out about absolutely nothing due to lack of phallic shapes here in or around their vaginas leading to cataclysmic psychopathy moments of attempts in trouble with sexual tension, otherwise known as So when this energy isn't being utilized and tapped into, it inverts on us in a destructive way. And so the whole idea of the bathtub plumbing is learning how to tap into that energy, consciously use it, and then channel it out into our lives in a creative way, whether that's making babies, having creative projects, revitalizing our business, starting new ventures, revitalizing our relationships, becoming more loving and patient parents. It shows up everywhere. And the converse is true. Like, when women are under fucked, it's just like it sucks everything else into it like a vortex. Right? They become frustrated and irritable. And, like, now in my life with the people I work with and even my friends and my partner, they'll be like, oh, that person's clearly under fucked. It'll just be this reference point that they have now of somebody's kind of irritability and frustration is that they're really under fucked.
Speaker 0
So really what you're saying in this under fucked, you know, expression is, like, shut down, disconnected from their sexual power.
Speaker 1
Yes. Exactly. Okay. So it does somebody could be having sex a lot Totally. And still the junk food sex would mean that they're technically still under fucked because they're really not learning how to inhabit Mhmm. And wear and harness that energy in their lives. Yeah.
Speaker 0
Unharness. That's a good way of putting it.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And that's what I'm all about is the conscious harnessing of that energy. Like, look, I like that sex is fun and pleasurable, but I'm actually more deeply interested in its creative and transformational power. Totally. Honestly. That's what really turns me on. Mhmm. It's like the fact that we all have access to this at literally our fingertips at our genitals. We have this incredible power source there all the time. So in the Wellfox Woman program, I talk about all the different types of orgasms that we started to get into earlier that are available to women, and I have a guarantee that all women all orgasm. And so some sex teachers will say to you, oh, there, there, little girl. Don't worry if you can't have a g spot orgasm. You're just one of those women who can't. I call one thousand percent bullshit. The Anami guarantee is every woman can, is that you just need the right tools. Right? You just need the right tools, and the right tools aren't where you put your finger or where a cock or a dildo goes. Right tools are learning how to truly open up and surrender, be vulnerable, clear your blockages, get rid of old stuff, process these things, activate your sexual organs. That's what turns you into that, well thought woman and allows you to access all of these orgasmic places. Same thing with, like, libido or lubrication. Like, I don't buy into oh, some women can, some women can't. And this mistaken idea that, oh, it's it's really more of a feminist thing to tell women they're there. It's okay if you can't do that. Again, I call total bullshit. Well, that's out there all over the place. Right? Like, as though, oh, you're shaming a woman for not having orgasm. It's like, oh, you're so full of shit. Like, that's not at all the case. Like, that it's the opposite. You're belittling and patronizing women and infantilizing infantilizing. Infantilizing. Yeah. Infantilizing. Never used that word before in in, like, conversation. Like, that's the that's the method. Right? Like, that seems to me more insulting. It's just more like they just don't have a deeper understanding of sexual dynamics to find a solution Mhmm. To those problems, and so they have this weird dismissive approach to it. So we also talk a lot about feminine energy and inhabiting inhabiting your femininity, like, in a time when there's all these debates about feminine energy and masculine energy, or do we really have genders? Like, I believe that we do. And I believe that, like, you know, we actually it's getting cut off from those energies and disowning them that can be problematic, especially for women. Mhmm. And so I'm all about reowning those things. So the whole program is about trying to find the ways that we have taken on blockages, taken on cultural conditioning, much like in the work that you do, and to dispel that. Mhmm. Right? To get rid of it, to release it, find ways to metamorphosize these things into power. Right? So take any kinds of trauma, stuckness, limiting beliefs, program staff, and change that and from the root up. And then give people the right information, like this is how to use your sexual energy. This is how to use it as a creative source. These are how to get to these orgasmic places. This is how to inhabit more of this place of openness and surrender and receptivity, which again are themes that we see in birth about, like, how to really let go and to open and to surrender. Right? To have a much more easy free flowing birth is to me the real core theme of that, the parallel theme is surrender. Mhmm. And it's interesting because that's the deepest theme of cervical orgasms, and the cervix is what needs to open for a more beautiful person.
Speaker 0
Same same, but different. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. So then how can people, if they're all jazzed up about this and wanna wanna discover their potential, how can they sign up for this this upcoming course?
Speaker 1
So it's called how to be a well thought woman, and we have a pre free preview video series that you can sign up for to get a sense of what the course is about, learn more about my philosophy on it. And then the course runs for eight weeks beginning in July, and it's all online, probably similar to what you have. We have a private member's area with weekly videos, and then we have weekly online calls with me, like q and a calls where you can ask me anything. Plus home play to do throughout, and you could do the course as a single person or with a partner. There's home play that's devoted to both and have me with you along for every step of the way.
Speaker 0
Awesome. Wonderful. Thank you for your time. I'm I'm even more jazzed up about participating in it and seeing seeing what I can unlock in my own sexual power.
Speaker 1
There's always another love I'll take out.
Speaker 0
Exactly. Awesome.
Speaker 1
Well, thanks. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 0
Yeah. Thank you. It was a pleasure. Alright, everyone. If you're as interested as I am, check out the show notes for the link to Kim and Nami's upcoming Well Fucked Woman Salon. It starts July thirtieth twenty twenty, and I will be there. So come join me. Hey, take care. See you in September.
