Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild, I'm good. Into the wild, I'm here. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom change. Since I left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
I am thrilled to be bringing you Rae's story this week on the show. Rae is a fiercely intuitive mother from Trinidad who shares everything from her decision not to get the RhoGAM shot, to using psychedelics to prepare her mind and spirit for her free birth, to even how she self pleasured herself into labor.
Speaker 3
So, yeah, I I do live in Trinidad, and Carrington was never really it wasn't really big on my radar before I met my partner. But when I met him, we just you know, everything just kinda moved pretty quickly, and and I decided that, you know, I'd like to to start a family with him. So we decided to do that. And, well, I we I was we're already in this frame of mind with a natural lifestyle is something that we we're trying really hard to to make a big part of our lifestyle. So that is something that brought us together. So we were planned based. We didn't want too much medical intervention, that kind of thing. So from from from that experience even, we already knew we didn't want we didn't want to be in the medical system. So I had this grand idea of home birthing. So that I planned a home birth, and when I found out about my blood type and how they deal with it after that, everything just like all of my plans had to change.
Speaker 2
Did you know anyone who had home birth?
Speaker 3
Well, actually, my mother had a home birth with my one of my siblings.
Speaker 0
Oh, okay.
Speaker 3
And I remember her always telling me and this was my sister is like twenty one. So this is this is like years ago. I was a child when this happened because I'm thirty. How much? Thirty. Somebody. Thirty four, I think. Right? Yeah. And, I remember my mother always saying that that was her best wisdom experience because she has like five children and out of each one of them she was like, you know, that was the best. And I remember us, my brothers and I being in one room and she in the next room and you know we're just everything is just so hushed and and then we heard the baby crying and everybody was just like jumping up and I remember how you know how exciting it was for us and that kind of thing and I remember and well she always always says how much of a great experience it was for her so that was the only person close to me who I knew had a home visiting experience so I was I was you know I was prepared well I was excited about it from her experience but you don't really hear lots of people doing well for me I didn't hear a lot of people I didn't know a lot of people who did home bits other than my mother and outside of, outside of her home birth experience she would tell me about how bad her experience was at the hospital. So I had that contrast from her experience, her experiences because she was induced with my with her last child and she told me, you know, it was so terrible and pain is so different from natural contractions and, and that kind of thing. So, I already had this these ideas in my mind that kind of, you know pushed me in that direction and so locally you don't there isn't much people going on about Google thing that doesn't mean that there isn't because when I was preparing for my second booth I actually came into contact with a girl in Tobago which is our sister isle and she had a home book home it's unassisted so there are people doing it Yeah. But it isn't, you know, it isn't widely known or discussed Yeah. As far as I'm concerned. You know? So I was prepared to do the home goods because I I thought that this would be the better experience, and, I wouldn't have to put myself with that medical stuff. But they told me that I couldn't, especially because of it was my first birth. And there's a rule here in Trinidad that first birthing first birth first time mothers aren't allowed to do home births because of the risk and whatever. So some people say it's illegal, but then there are some people who say, no. It's not illegal. It's just not encouraged. But midwives, when you talk to the midwives, they would tell you, you know, it's illegal to to do it for your fist as a first time mother. So I was shut down with that from the fist. And then because of my blood type, which is, r h negative, they said that I was high risk. So I could not do a home birth especially because of that Mhmm. Situation. There is a home, building center in Trinidad called mama tutors. You can go there and you can have, like, water boots and that kind of thing, but it was really, really costly, and I I really couldn't afford it. And I didn't know if they would accept me because I was a first time mom and and also because of my blood type. I didn't know how lenient they would be about it. So I didn't even bother. And and when I couldn't afford it because it was, like but, like, fifteen thousand or something, it was a lot of money. And I just I just couldn't afford it at that time. So I was left with just the hospital. I did my I did a regular, prenatals. I I saw a private doctor, got my ultrasounds, that kind of thing. And then in my seventh or sixth month, six months, yeah, I decided to join this. We get free health care here. So there's, a a clinic, a health center that you go and you get we you get your prenatals done there if you are going to go to the public hospital. And they were very upset that I took so long that I took so long to come to them, And then they were also very upset because I refused to take the Rugam the Rugam shot, which is a shot you have to take as a RH negative mom.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So tell me a little bit about that decision making that you like, why didn't you take it? Did is it just because it didn't feel intuitive? And that's kind of that's not that common, right, that women are denying it. So I'd love to hear how that was for you.
Speaker 3
Well, I'd say in that time, I did some research. Right? And research said that, you know, it's not really necessary with with your first child. But if you have a second plan to have a second child, then you'd have to have to get it. But I just it just didn't feel right to me. Like, what they were telling me about, you know, the the necessity of it, it just didn't make sense that my body would attack my baby. Mhmm. It it I just I it it just didn't feel right. I felt like there was something built in to to deal with something like that. You know? As Yeah. Because we are made so we are made so wonderfully. Like, everything in terms of in terms of pregnancy, everything is created perfectly. Like, you don't even have to do anything when it comes to growing the baby. You just literally have to be there as a host. Right? Mhmm. And make sure that the conditions optimal and everything functions. Like, I don't consciously I'm not consciously growing the baby. You know what I mean? Mhmm. So I was just thinking that we we we were not made, you know, with flaws, like, flaws like like that. If you understand what I mean.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Of course. I love it.
Speaker 3
I just I just didn't feel like it made sense, and I didn't feel comfortable with other people's blood inside of me. Mhmm. Because it does what it is. It's like plasma, different different blood that that they pull together and they inject you with it. And I did not feel comfortable with it because I'm like, you know, this blood is something really spiritual. This is this is not a joke, you know, Why would I don't even know what, you know, what is inside of this. How why would I take it inside of me? So I I kinda tried to to get some some leeway. So I told them, you know, I'm going to wait because they said you you can take it in, like, twenty something weeks and then another one and then or you can take it after you had the baby. So I told them, no, I'm going to I'm going to take it when I have the baby. Just giving giving myself some some room because I I so was uncertain because they were telling me that I would never be able to have another baby again, and I'll have multiple miscarriages and just a lot of a lot of fearmongering by the doctors. Mhmm. So I I had two minds about it then. But when I had the baby, I was in the hospital, and I was like, I'm not taking it. And they brought they brought a doctor across to to to talk me into taking it with all of the you know, what if you have a baby and your baby has some kind of birth defect, and you have to deal with this for the rest of your life? And and and, you know, things like that. Like, they were telling me things like that that I would have problems getting pregnant again and da da da da. And I was just there with my baby and I was like, no. I'm not taking it. No. I'm not taking it. And they they were just getting really upset with me. And, like, when I'm asking questions and I'm telling them, you know, I don't think it is all as is as safe as y'all are saying. And, you know, what's happening? They're just they're just getting more angry. And on my phone that they gave me to discharge me, they haven't read that, the patient was was, counseled multiple times to take the shots on me, still refusing, you know, in red like, you know, I'm in trouble.
Speaker 2
How dare you.
Speaker 3
You know? Right? And it was just it's just crazy how they they you don't really have much of a choice when once you enter the public health system you kind of give your power over to them. So but I still got out of it, thankfully. But my experience there giving this made me say to myself as certain I I'm not going back. I'm not going back there to have another baby because it it was like, it it wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. I mean, I've heard women's stories being even worse. Right? But just so, like, for one thing, when I got there, there were there were no beds for me. So they just had me, like I was in a room with another woman, and she had, like, she had, like, a pad on. And and she's telling me, you know, she's waiting to be stitched up. They they they have to stitch her up, so they just they just blocked they just blocked her area there to to collect the blood in the meantime. And I was like, what? Yeah. And I'm I'm I'm there. I'm having contractions, and we're just in this room with all kind of different things stacked inside of it. And then they took me and they moved me to where where the it Burton area is. And they're just like cloths, like curtains separating each bed. So they put me between one, and I'm hearing the person next to me, she's a Spanish, because right now we're having a lot of, we have a lot of immigrants coming to Trinidad from Venezuela. So there's a Spanish person in the in the bed next to me, and she is they are they are quarreling with her. Like, miss Sanchez, we tell you stop pushing like that. And I'm just seeing, I'm just seeing blood. I'm just seeing blood gushing and I'm, I'm there now. I remember I have this is my first time. I've never done this before, and I'm there. I'm like, wow. Is this this is what this is what's, this is what's coming for me, you know? Mhmm. It just it had me it it scared me.
Speaker 2
Yeah. That's super scary. It's like a preview of the abuse that's coming.
Speaker 3
Right? The and and the thing is every time you hear a mother talk in Trinidad about their experience in the hospital, it's never a good one. They always talk about how the midwives treat you terribly, and and they don't have any compassion, and they don't understand how women who are also mothers, how they can treat everything, mother Mhmm.
Speaker 0
In
Speaker 3
that type of way, you know, without any understanding and compassion and but if if they know you, you'll get a different type of treatment and and that kind of thing. So I went in there already expecting to be treated badly. Oh. But luckily for me, my mother's friend, she was, she is a registered nurse. And so she took me to the hospital, and she was there with me for a while. So they knew that she knew me. So I think that I got better treatment because of that relationship that I had with that woman. Even the area where where the mothers go after having the babies, like, that area is just this it's like a concentration camp as far as because it's just it's just rows of beds and and everybody just looking. So it it just it's not I I don't think it's it's ideal for bringing new life into this world. You know, you expect a cherry you know it it was just dull and and and it was a night. I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to get out of there before I from the time I was done because I don't even remember everything in the experience because it just it just I just kinda suppressed it. Right? But from the time everything was done and they gave me my baby and I was breastfeeding and they wheeling me out, I was like, I'm not I'm not coming back to this place.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
I'm not going to do the slightest ever again. I made up my mind from then that I was not going to do it.
Speaker 2
Good for you. Yes. So then what happens?
Speaker 3
So, three years passed, and I planned for three years to pass. I wanted to give myself time to my body to regenerate and that kind of thing before I try again to have another baby. So when I was ready, I, my partner and I discussed this, and we just tried. I could remember I could remember. So I was tracking ovulate my ovulation. Right? And I remember feeling that egg release because I read about yes. I was reading online and they're saying that, you know, some women can feel the egg because you get the cramp. You get, like, a cramp in feeling, and some people could tell when they release an egg during ovulation. And I don't know if it's because I was so focused on that ovulation time and just really wanting wanting it to happen that I was in so in tune with everything. I I I know I could be crazier, but I felt as though I felt it release, and I told my partner, hey. I feel it. Come. Let's do this. Like, we did it, and I was pregnant. Oh, that's
Speaker 2
amazing. So
Speaker 3
everything. Yeah it worked out really well and so this time around now I'm even more confused about the Roux Gam shots especially because from everything that I was reading they're like the second baby, more so than it's this, would you will need absolutely need to get the shots. And everybody that I spoke to in a medical fraternity told me the same thing. You know, you need to get the shots. It's important. You you know, this would happen. It's a bad thing. This, that, and the other. And I was just I just didn't want to do it at all. I didn't want to do it at all because I took a a blood transfusion with my fist because they told me that my iron was really low. It was low and for by their standard, and they gave me a blood transfusion. And I swear I I
Speaker 0
fell Wait.
Speaker 2
Wait. Wait. In in your pregnancy?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like, a few weeks before I gave birth. Woah. It'd be a blood transfusion. They they told they gave me blood because they said my iron was low. And, yeah, they gave me well, they told me that I had to take it or else I could bleed out. But, you know, all the all the terrible things that could happen if I don't take it, so I gave them. I I cried the entire time. I felt I felt as though I wasn't the same person for a period of time in my postpartum. I felt I felt different. You know? Like, I was battling with a lot of in a turmoil, and I I I honest, I believe it's because of the different blood. I could be crazier, but just, you know, it's not my blood, and it's somebody else's blood. And, you know, that's inside of me. And I just but I went through a period that things just didn't feel I didn't feel like my old self at all. Two, coming from that, it made me even more suspicious of the shot.
Speaker 0
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
Then I started reading about blood. Did people get in blood diseases from the shots? And, you know, different things that they're saying that it's not fully it's not properly studied, especially long term, especially for the mom. They do they they say that it's safe for the baby, but there isn't any studies really on how it affects the mother. But they just give this general thing that, you know, it's safe. I was even more, you know, up in arms about it, and I already decided that I was not going back to the hospital. Yeah. Someway, I was going to do it at home, but I was just thinking home booth. And then I listened to Phoenix Wilde. She had a YouTube video, and she spoke about the Freebird Society that she because she was pregnant at that time. And she said that, you know, she spends a lot of time her favorite pastime is listening to the Freebird Society.
Speaker 2
Oh, Phoenix in, on Kauai. Yeah. Yeah. I love her.
Speaker 3
Right? I think she has a her story as well. But Uh-huh. So I listened to her and I said woah the free bird society okay I need to check this out. And then I started doing research on orgasmic birthing and it led me to free bird society as well. So, I started listening to the podcast and I was like, shit. Women do this? I could I could do this with a hotel? Oh, shit. I was like I was really excited, right? So I was I was consuming the podcast. Like, I was just listening to podcast after podcast because it was making me feel really empowered. Like, you know, this is something I can do. I don't need to go and get any prenatal. You know? I can do this. I don't need to right? So I listen to, like, Gentifal. I listen to a good bit of podcasts before I reached out to you and asked you if there were any podcasts that dealt with road ramps, refuse any road ramps, and you directed me to, I think it's your land. Mhmm. But when I listened to it, she said that she had, like, eight children, and she she never took a road game shot. Mhmm. And listening to her story, it it it was the final blow. I was like, okay. Good. I am going to do this. I am not I'm not going to go for any regular prenatal because every time I went to to the health center for my first pregnancy, I would come back home feeling really frustrated. I didn't feel good after. Like, I would feel worried because you would go on one person and say, wow. Your belly is really small for for for for, your your dates. And then somebody else will be like, but you're a small person. You know? You can't really have a date date belly.
Speaker 2
And this is the fracture of a woman's intuition because you're over here having you're obviously a very connected, intuitive woman and mother, but then the people who have co opted authority over, you know, pregnancy in our bodies are telling you you need something that in your bones you know is wrong. It just really highlights, yeah, just the fracture of of of what industrial birth does to us.
Speaker 3
Yes. Yeah. It it it really is, I I don't even want to it just makes it makes me feel really sad thinking about what they do to women. And because, like, my mother told me this story. She said that when she was pregnant with one of her children, one of my siblings, she was really she said her face was her, like, her nose was swollen and she she said she was she found that she was so unattractive. And when she went to the health center, she heard a nurse saying, gosh, Jose, you ugly wee. Like, she heard a nurse talking about how ugly she was looking and it just that it just yeah. And she said she was so depressed because she was already feeling unattractive. And then this this nurse vocalized how unattractive she really was looking. Oh. So this is where they have us right now in these places, what they do to us, and how they make us feel in this very sacred time.
Speaker 2
So at what point so you you get pregnant, and you're thinking home birth. You start listening to Free Birth Society, and then you're just like, it's on. This is what I'm this is what I'm doing. And and who do you how does your partner feel about it? And and who do you plan? Like, how do you assemble your team? Do you tell anybody? Do you stop going to the doctors to, like, tell us something?
Speaker 3
Went to the doctor. I never took a pregnancy test. Wow. I never went to a doctor. I told him. He was he said, you know, yeah. If that's what you want to do, I'm here for it. I told my mother. She was very, very concerned. She tried some, you know, she tried to get me to change my mind, but not in a very forceful way. And, you know, naturally, she'll be concerned. So I and I only told very close people to me, about it. I tried to find a midwife, though, because my mother was, like, at least having a midwife, you know. So I said, okay. Maybe I can have a midwife for this one, and then the next one, I'll just do it totally by myself. And because during that time, a friend of mine, she died in during childbirth. She and my baby died at a private hospital. Yeah. So I kinda I was really it was a really weird time. Somebody sent me, like, the day before, somebody sent me, news that I was talking to to potentially be my midwife. She sent me an article about a mother whose babies whose baby died, and she did a homeless. And then the day after, my friend died at the hospital. So I was like, you know what? It really doesn't matter. You know? It could it there is no guarantee regardless of where you decide to go. I just have to take, I have to be accountable. I have to take full responsibility for whatever happens. And I kinda just started to shift my my mind into that space of being fully responsible for what happens, whatever happens. And my partner, he was very helpful with that because, you know, you know, talking about that, and and babies and that kind of thing. So I had him there really supporting me through, you know, getting my mind, getting me mentally prepared for whatever whatever could happen. So I saw a midwife in my twenty fifth week, and she was uncertain. If and this was the first time I heard my baby I heard my baby's heartbeat and got any real confirmation from anybody outside of my home that I was having a baby, and the baby was alive and well. But she in order for her to decide if she would be my she would attend my birth, I had to take an anomaly scan, and she needed to know that my iron my iron was, you know, good. And the more I thought about the anomaly scan, the more I didn't want to do it. So I eventually, we just decided that I'm not going to do go that way because I didn't want to do the anomaly scan. I didn't want an ultrasound. That that was it. That was the only person that was supposed to be part of my booth team. I had a friend, sister, and that I initially said, you know, maybe you can come and you can help me with with my son because I I wanted my I didn't want my partner to be overwhelmed.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
But then I I that didn't work out. I told my mother maybe you can come but I already I just told her that to pacify her because I knew I didn't want her to be there. I knew I didn't want her to be there because I I knew I wanted I had an idea for what type of energy I wanted in terms of it not being panicked or hysterical and that kind of thing, and I didn't think my mother could manage Yeah. Not panicking, especially with just us. So, I told her that, but then she's like, I I feel you're not going to call me. You know? So early on, I already knew that I wasn't going to do that. And, actually, I spoke to another with midwife as well outside of the one that I saw. And when I told her that I was Irish and I get them, she was like, no. No. No. No. No. No. It's not ideal for you to to to give birth at home. I wouldn't be I I can't do this. You know? And I was like, but so I was just like, you all you all usually don't have you all come from a place of ignorance. You all don't really have the information. I did it. You know? That's what this woman is telling me after I spent months, months just, you know, going through as much information as possible around the rogue arm shots and if it's necessary and that kind of thing. And she's like
Speaker 2
You probably knew more than her.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Because she didn't even know it was plasma. You know? She's like, no. That's that's not what's I was like, okay, ma'am. And I just I said, okay. That was the last person I tried to see, and I said, you know what? Chris, that's my partner's name. I said, we're do we're just going to have to do this on our own. Because even if I decided to go to the hospital, they would have insisted that I had to take the real gum shot, and I made up my mind that I was not going to take it. So I I I was, like, between a rock and a hard place.
Speaker 0
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So I I made a decision, and that was both of us will do it. We'll do it at home together. I'll get as much information as possible. I spoke to the girl who who gave birth a couple well, a few months before it I was due. I spoke to her, and I found out how she prepared, you know, what in what advice she had. And after speaking to her, I felt I felt I felt really good as well. So Nice. Yeah. That was it. That that's my big theme.
Speaker 2
So tell us about your free birth.
Speaker 3
So this was what night was that? Anyway, I don't think it matters, but I had my baby on the Tuesday. Right? So Tuesday night, I started to feel contractions, But I was thinking it's Braxton Hicks because weeks before, I was I was feeling I was feeling getting Braxton Hicks, but I was using that time to, practice for what what this would be like, you know, how I'm going to deal with it during during that time. So every time I would get the Deeprexel Hicks, I would, you know, breathe and sit and and, you know, just prepare myself. So Tuesday night, I started getting contractions, and then they were a bit, regular, but not, like, five minutes or whatever. I was able to sleep through the night, and I woke up in the morning. And when I used the bathroom, I was thinking to myself, what if what if I see a bloody show, you know, in the morning? That would be really awesome. And I did. When I went to use the bathroom, I saw I saw, you know, And I got really excited, but not too excited because I'm thinking, you know, this doesn't mean that this is going to happen today. It could be next week or whatever because my due date was the twenty fifth based on the Internet since I didn't have any doctors. So the twenty fifth was my due date, and this was probably, like, the sixteenth or something like that. So that day, I it was I had some contractions nothing, you know, regular or too consistent or whatever. Nothing too painful. And my neighbor actually was also having a baby due this the twenty second. I'm due the twenty fifth. So I went over to them, and she also had a bloody show that same morning. That's cute. Yeah. It was. Right? So that night, I was I started to get the contractions were so consistent that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep through them. So I was awake I was awake all night. And I actually used that time to do some self pleasuring because I did a lot of that leading up leading up to my due date. I was just I was going crazy. But, so I used my time I used that time because my son was sleeping and Chris was also sleeping. And I just left him I let I let him sleep because I was thinking that, you know, he would need to have his rest because he'd have to look after the baby well, my son and look after me as well. So Mhmm. I I went through my contractions alone, which and that's what I wanted. I didn't really want to be talking to anybody and doing anything with anybody. So, I self pleasure. I I, you know, I I I I enjoyed that. Honestly, it was an enjoyable kinda beginning, to be honest. It wasn't terrible even though I couldn't sleep. But I was still thinking that I have a lot of time to go. You know? This could be two days or whatever. So that morning now around nine o'clock, I realized that they started to be more consistent. So I'm thinking, okay. Maybe day after. And the thing is I spoke to my mother the day before when I when I had my bloody show, and I told her, you know, I'm seeing whatever. And she said, I was I was talking to God this morning. I was talking to God this morning, and, you know, I prayed and I asked him to to make sure I wanted to have it have a very fast, hot booth. And she said that she felt really she felt like a calm come come over her, and she wasn't worried anymore. That's what she told me the day before. Mhmm. And it made me feel really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It made me feel really good because she told me she wasn't worried. She knew that everything will be fine. Right. So around nine o'clock, it started being more consistent and a little bit more painful, but I kept you know, I was breathing through it because I I did a lot of research on, you know, how to prepare. I did my, I was using spinning babies and doing their, exercises every day. So I did those exercises before to make sure baby head down, sunny side up. So I did those, and I'm just breathing through it. I asked my partner to go outside with my son because they they were annoying me. They were just talking too much and asking me too many questions. So I was like, leave my alone. Just just go outside. Right? So I labored alone up until it really was, like, too much to bear. And, I kept thinking to myself expansion, release, welcoming. Like, I just I kept telling myself those words so that I'll remember, okay. I'm expanding. You know? Don't don't fight it. Don't tense up. So I I was really trying to just lean into it, which is what I was practicing with my Braxton Hicks. So I wasn't timing it either, so I I don't know I wasn't timing it because I just didn't want any I didn't want any distraction. I just wanted to be, you know, focused. And, also, I didn't tell you that I was using psychedelics to prepare as well for my birth. So I was using mushrooms because that's my that's my thing. So I was using psychotherapeutic mushrooms to prepare for my birth in terms of the experience. And, I'm so grateful that I did that. Like, I took a trip at the end of my first trimester, the end of my second trimester. And in that second one, a lot of things came up that I needed to address with my partner in order for us to be prepared because I I was wondering if he would be able to hold space for me the way that I needed space to be held. So in that trip, I was able to bring that up and we were able to work through it and that kind of thing. So after that, I really felt prepared, you know, as a unit for us to do this thing. So, when I really started to get it was, like, really it started to become kinda unbearable. And he appeared, like, he came just when I needed him. And I started to try, and I started to tell him, you know, you know, I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying to be strong. I'll be, and you are being strong. Come on. You're being strong. You're supposed to be feeling happy now. And, you know, you're going to meet your baby now soon. And, and, and I'm just, again, irritated with him. And then I'm like, you know, I'm not going to do this anymore. This is the last time. And he he said he said, you know, you know, it's it's really up to you, Ray. You know, it's up to you if you want if you don't want to do it again. And, you know, I started to tell him, you know, I can't go anymore. And he started to tell me, you know, you're transitioning because that's that's what I told him. I told him anyone will
Speaker 2
hear me.
Speaker 3
That's so sweet. I'm so proud of him. Right? And that's what I heard in the podcast. Like, I heard everybody talking about this transition and they felt like they can't go anymore, but I never I didn't experience that with my first birth. So I didn't think it was real, even though I told like, I I couldn't I couldn't I didn't have any reference, but I still told him, if you hear me start to see those things, remind me that I'm transitioning, which, which he did. And in my response, in my mind was why don't he shut up? You know, why, why what's happening? Because I'm still thinking that I have a real long to go again. Yeah. I'm not testing anything. There's nobody checking to see how far I'm dilated. I'm just I'm just going based on on how I'm feeling, you know, the intensity of the feeling. So I started to feel the so he's he's he, you know, he held me up. He pressed to give me some back rubs, you know, while I'm crying and and feeling like, you know, I can't go anymore. And I started to feel this this pressure, like, in my my rectum area and that kind of thing. And I like, oh, what is this? I can't I can't deal with this. You know? That's how I was feeling. And, you know, he he's encouraging me and he's telling me, maybe you should try another position. What if you change this position? What if you get up on a walk? And, you know, but I didn't want to walk because I, like, I would kneel in a position. I would kneel down and lean over the chair between contractions because it was I I could feel them come in, like, it's going to come. And when I feel that it's going to come, then I would raise up and I would get myself in a position that it was most soothing for me. But lying down, it was hard for me to get up and get into the position. So I just spent also my time kneeling down like that. Right? So when I felt I I'm feeling depression. He started to tell me, you know, Ray, it seems like it's it's really really close. It seems like they're coming close, but I wasn't even thinking about how close they were coming. I just think and I have really long to go again. So he said maybe you should, maybe you should get up and walk. And I said, you know what? I feel like I need to use the bathroom. So I go into the bathroom, and, I I have I'm feeling that pressure, and I'm trying to because I'm thinking that I need to, you know, do do. So I'm pushing and I'm pushing and nothing has happened. And I I I go into the bathroom, and I'm bent over because I'm feeling that pressure down there. Like, I'm feeling that pushing down there. And I washed my hands and I put my hands inside and I felt something soft. And I pushed a little higher up and then I felt something a little hard something. So I came out because all throughout the day, like, when I used the bathroom, I kept using the bathroom because I in my research, I was like, that's what I learned, to keep emptying your bladder so that you could have room and that kind of thing. So I was drinking a lot of water and using the bathroom a lot. So when I came out of the bathroom, I told him, you know, I'm feeling I'm feeling something, but it's soft. I'm feeling something soft. He's watching me with this worried look. And my son is running around. He's asking me, mommy, are you having cramps? You having cramps?
Speaker 2
Oh. You
Speaker 3
know, he was just he's just concerned. Right? So Chris is looking at me really worried, like, you know, what what what does that mean? Because I'm just I tell him that I'm feeling the soft thing. And I told him, you know, I'm feeling something hard as well higher up, so maybe something is happening. So he just he just runs. Meanwhile, he's cooking. So he has everything is going on in our day like regular with Buddha.
Speaker 0
I love it.
Speaker 3
Right? And, so he runs outside and he just brings he brings some cushions and and towels and he just puts it on the ground right outside the bathroom door. And, he he drops it there and he tells me, okay. What what's happening? Because he he starts until, like, concerned at this point because we we we really not sure what happened in here. Right?
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So, I just I felt and I realized now that it was the, ejection reflex. That's what they call it. Mhmm. Mhmm. Right. So he just lays it down, and I I feel that when I feel that that pressure, I started to push, and I gave he told me, you know, I'm seeing the head. I'm seeing the head. I was like, you serious? And I gave a really I gave a a loud ball, and I gave a massive push, and my son ran outside because he said I was being too loud. So he ran outside, and the baby's head was out of me, but the rest of her body inside of me. And I'm just there with her dangling, and I'm like, I'm done. I told him, I'm done. I can't go anymore. And he's watching me like, Ria, are you crazy? How how your media done? He's like, I can't I can't go anymore. Right? And he's like, no. I'm seeing her head. And it's like, okay. Okay. Wait. Give me a minute. Give me a minute. And with the next contraction, I gave a push, and I just I and the thing is, when her head came out, I felt it's like time slowed down just for me alone. Mhmm. Because I felt like I could feel the ring of fire that they talk about, but I don't it wasn't it wasn't that bad. But it happened quickly. Like, her head came out quickly, but it also seemed like I felt everything in her emergence. You you know what I mean? Mhmm. That it just felt like it's like it's slowed down. And when I gave the next push for her and her body came out, it was just it was just a great relief. And we didn't know what we were having at that point. So he gave her to me because he was there to catch her. He gave her to me, and while we found out, it was a girl, and we were just we were just overjoyed because I was like, oh my gosh. We did it. You know, we actually you know, we really did it. And it just seems so it seems so natural and so easy, because my man cooking food, my son running around in the house. Right. Exactly. Right? And I'm here, you know, going through it, you know, with my thoughts and whatever. And it just felt like this is how this is how it's supposed to be. This this is how Mhmm. This is natural. Right? And he gave her to me, and I I just thought I put her on and she because she started she started screaming as soon as she came out. So she's she's she started crying and she pooped as soon as she came out. So I didn't have to worry about anything in terms of aftercare at that because I was concerned about if, you know, she came out and she wasn't breathing, you know, what would I do at that kind of thing? But I didn't have that to worry about because she was ready first. She was ready. And we start I started to breastfeed her. And, I'm sitting there, and I'm feeling this pressure. I'm feeling this pressure still down there. And I told Chris, you know, I can't really sit down. I'm feeling feeling a I'm feeling something there. And something just told me push, and I just gave a little push. And my the placenta just slid out. Oops. It was it was just, like, like, fifteen minutes passed, and it just it just it just it just came out. I just gave a push. I gave a push, and it just it just it just came out. And that was another thing my mother was telling me. You know, you have to be concerned about sometimes, the percentage go back up instead of down and the the things like that with some of her concerns. But I placenta came out and, you know, everything was just perfect. It it just it was just perfect. And Chris finished cooking. I sat down in my room on my my chair, and I had a meal with my baby, so breastfeeding full of of blood and and amniotic fluid, and it was just it was just it was amazing, to be honest.
Speaker 2
Sounds amazing.
Speaker 3
It was a really it was an an amazing experience.
Speaker 2
So then afterwards, how is it for you? How has it been in your community? Have you do people know? Have you told people? What's been the response?
Speaker 3
I told people after. So, my neighbor who I told you she was having a baby as well. Mhmm. Her mom is a police officer. So we really didn't want her to know. But afterwards, Chris was so overjoyed, he went and he told her that, you know, we had the baby right at home. And she did not believe it. She did not believe that that happened right there because she saw me like the morning. And she came across and she's like, wow. This is amazing. You know, everybody is so amazed by it, and everybody is telling me that I'm so brave. And they they just want to hug me, and I'm such a warrior, and I'm such a, you know and I don't feel that way. Not not that I I know that what, you know, just giving birth is a very marvelous, you know, strong thing to do. But just building your baby at home without any medical authority. I'm thinking that this should this is something normal. Anybody anybody could do it if they decide to. So I don't feel like I did anything super special. But because of how because of how we are conditioned currently, it seems like such a big thing to everybody who found out. Mhmm. So my mother told her friends because she was just she was overjoyed. And, you know, the response will mix. Like, some of them were telling her, we're crazy, boy. She has to go to the hospital. My mother is like, my grandchild is fine. She's breastfeeding. She this. You know? So there's a mix, but a lot of people think that I'm really brave. And, I just think that, you know, I took I took my life into my own hands, you know, my life and my baby's life into my own hands. Which is which is brave, You know, like, I get
Speaker 2
what you're saying. You know, just the the act of allowing physiological birth to happen, that part might feel really simple. But the way we've been conditioned and socially, it's not simple. Right. It it is this is really a very, very big deal for for your family, for your community, for everyone who will hear your story. You know? And and that is I I love it. I love it so much that the most simple natural thing is also, like, this, like, super radical thing because it's I mean, I don't love it. I actually wish the norm was was this. But Yeah. Right. We are getting there. And and and it's the norm for your family now. Like, people ask me all the time, do you ever think free birth will become the norm? And I'm always like, well, it is for me. Like, all my friends' free birth, every like, my community all does it. It is the norm over here in my part of the world. So, you know, you have to decide if it's the norm for you. But for me, it totally is.
Speaker 3
Right. Yeah. Well, it's the norm for me now as well, you know. That's why I reach out to you to show you my gratitude because I swear the podcast really showed me that, you know, it is possible. I can do this alone. There are so many women doing giving this how they choose to give birth, and even their pre natal care and that kind of thing that is not is not dependent on the system. We can do this. And it really, really empowered me and gave me the tools. It helped me have given me the tools, to do this and make that decision, and I'm so grateful. I'm so happy that it's here available because I am always telling people go listen. Every anybody that I know who is pregnant, I tell them go listen to the podcast. Awesome. Because I I know how it's it's it's so useful. It's so impactful if we if we take it seriously. So yeah. But it has been and anything else, the experience this time was totally different from the experience that I had the first time. I felt as though I gave before the first time. Like, this was my first time because I was able to experience everything. I was able to experience my body for myself.
Speaker 2
Right.
Speaker 3
You know, not based on anybody telling me push, push, just let me burst your water bag, you know. Nobody else but me, you know. So Mhmm. I feel even more empowered having this experience than my first experience. So my postpartum was even different from how it was with the first with my first child, even my partner. I could see how him being there to catch the baby, how what kinda influence and effect it had on him because I could see that he was in a bubble. Like, up to up to now, he still looks at himself. So, you know, I caught you. You know? I daddy caught you. So it's not just it is not just an empowering experience for the mother, but also for the father and the children around because my son also, he acts, you know, she came she came, you know, from your belly, and he has he has a greater understanding of what that is and what what is happening based on how he talks about it after. Mhmm. Because he still he still talks about it to to now we're, like, seven
Speaker 2
I bet.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So it is overall for everybody involved a much better experience because in Trinidad, the father cannot go into the nobody could go into the into the birthing space.
Speaker 2
God. Even that. Right?
Speaker 3
The birthing alone.
Speaker 2
Right. That's okay. That's just absolutely horrific and super, like what's the right word there? Like, antiquated. Like, it's crazy that that kind of abuse is still Yeah. Happening. But even more than that, how profoundly different, like you're saying, to have the family birth together. You know, this baby was made together and, obviously, it's you birthing, but to have the have your partner who's just sounds so adorable in the birth, you know, get get to I mean, it's a family birth and that's that's just it's everything. It's so bonding. It's so good for the father and the baby also, of course, to have that experience. And the child, you know, your older your son, you know, if you had gone back to the hospital, he's, like, xed out of the whole situation, which is pretty weird.
Speaker 3
It is. It's it's crazy. It's just I don't understand it because my partner had to wait outside. He had to wait outside crying. He didn't know what is happening because there's no contact. Like, they just they just cut you off from every I can't you can't talk to anybody. Like, they just cut you off. It's it's even it's too isolating. And after my partner because I didn't get my my placenta with my first birth either. I don't even remember birthing it. I don't have any memory of it. But after he buried it because he buried it on the same day in our kitchen garden. And he came back and well, him and my son, they both went out and they buried it. And he came back and he he told me, thank you for giving me such a beautiful experience because it was a a beautiful thing for him to do that and bury it and and and give power to it and that kind of way. And he was so grateful to me for allowing him to have that type of experience. Just imagine if we had more cases like that. You know, how much I'm wondering if fathers would be more active in in their children's life if they they are actually there.
Speaker 2
Of course.
Speaker 3
You know, you know, things like that. I'm just thinking about the the long term ramification of of of having these type of experiences normalized.
Speaker 2
A hundred percent. Yes. I mean, of course, they would because they would be bonded hormonally in a way that they literally can't be if they're not a part of it.
Speaker 3
Because he was having his own experience from his point of view because he saw the baby because he said when when she came out, my bag my water bag boosts. And he said, you know, it was just like this waterfall. And so he had his own experience as well that I can't even speak to because I wasn't at his, you know, his point his point of view. And it really is a magnificent thing.
Speaker 2
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 3
Everybody in
Speaker 2
Mhmm. So awesome.
Speaker 0
What a
Speaker 3
I'm proud of myself.
Speaker 2
Good. What a gift to your family.
Speaker 0
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Well, thank you so much for your time and for the the courage to share your story. I know it will inspire many.
Speaker 3
I'm grateful I'm grateful for this space to be able to share without having any type of reservation, you know, that I can share freely. So I'm really happy about that. Thank you so much for providing or, you know, making sure that we have the space to do this type of work.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Yeah. It's my pleasure. Alright. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3
You're welcome.
Speaker 2
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching, learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on freebirthsociety dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, The Complete Guide to Free Birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise, and the revolution starts inside each of us. I'll leave you with our Freebird Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line we define from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention, death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star.
