Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom challenge since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I hid. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom change. Since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Today on the show, we have Lainie from Texas. After a coerced and stressful induction with her first child, Lainie knew it would be different the second time. Witnessed by only her husband and her friend, Lainie went on to free birth her daughter into this world entirely on her own terms.
Speaker 3
So, welcome, welcome. Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I'm happy to have you here, and you're a special one for me because we met in your pregnancy. And from what I remember of it, it wasn't even really a free birth, like, conversation. Right? It was more about kind of processing and talking out your previous birth. And so it's just always so fun when that whatever happens in that session goes on to support what then becomes this beautiful free birth story. It's so cool.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I was thinking the same thing. I'm like, it's really, like, comes full circle, and I've heard other women on your podcast say that they, like, listen to it, and they were like, oh my gosh. That would be so cool if I was on there one day, and I'm
Speaker 2
like, oh my god, it's me. That's beautiful. Okay. So, yeah, take us take us to the beginning of wherever you wanna start with with this story of you becoming a mother.
Speaker 3
Okay. So, I got pregnant with my son unexpectedly, my first child, and I was in kind of one of those moments where I was like, oh, God, what am I going to do? But you're also kind of excited even though you weren't really planning it. So, since it was unexpected, I was like, okay, what do I do now? And a friend of mine, she had my best friend, she'd had a son already, so I was taking her lead on which doctor do I go to or whatever. So, I, she's like, I loved my doctor. He was great. So, I made an appointment with him and him. I'm like, I don't know why I did that. But, so I go in for my prenatal appointments and he was so just his bedside manner was terrible. He had to look at his chart to remember what my name was when he walked in. And then I remember, I never really just got a warm fuzzy vibe from him just because he was and the whole time my mom's like, are you sure that you want a male doctor? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, we'll just see. I'll probably change eventually. But so I remember one of the prenatal appointments that I went to, there's all the moms sitting in the office and some of them had already had a baby with him or whatever, and there's probably five or six moms in there and every single one of them had had a C section or were talking about how they were scheduling their C section. And my best friend had had two C sections with him and another kind of acquaintance of ours who was his patient had a C section. And I'm like, okay, so there's a hundred percent chance that I'm gonna have a C section if I stay here, and I knew for sure that I didn't want that. And I was already kind of, getting into the mind frame of wanting an unmedicated birth and all that. So, probably halfway into my pregnancy, I found another doctor and she was recommended to me by some labor and delivery nurses, and I researched her on the internet and everyone's like, if you want a natural birth in the hospital, she's who you see, blah, blah, blah. So, I was like, okay. So, I went to the consultation with her and she was night and day difference from the first guy. She remembered my name, my, not my husband, but my boyfriend at the time's name, my son, everything, and I'm like, okay, this is great, and everything that I would tell her, she's like, yeah, I totally support that, when I was telling her I wanted an unmedicated birth and everything. And as the well, kind of in the midst of that, let me back up a little bit, I started looking into, out of hospital birth and my mom didn't have great, permanent season deliveries with her children. So it was kind of one of those things where I was like, is that going to happen to me too? You know, I didn't know if it would how it would affect it if it was, like, hereditary or what. So, I looked into a birth center. I was like, I don't know if I can do home birth yet, but let me try to do a birth center. So, I went and met with some midwives, and I think I just wasn't ready mentally yet because I didn't take the time to research it yet. I was kind of like creating my own hurdle kind of, I guess, because I found like one bad review for them and I was like, oh no, I can't do it. This is why. And my husband wasn't really comfortable with it yet, so I did the thing that a lot of first time moms do and they're like, well, let me just have my first baby at the hospital and then I can have birth center, home birth, whatever after that. So, so then I stuck with the second doctor that I had been seeing and, as I went through my pregnancy, it was just it was so weird when I would spend more time in the lobby than I would with her in the appointment. I would talk to her for five minutes and she's like, okay, any questions? And when they're doing my blood pressure and weight and stuff, I never knew what any of it was. I didn't know if it was good, bad, you know? And I would go in there and they'd be like, okay, got any questions? And I'm like, I guess not, and then go home or whatever. So, and then throughout as we got closer to my, birth, as I got later into the pregnancy, I was taking hypnobirthing classes and I would tell her, okay, I'm going to have a birth plan. And that's when she started being like, well, if you write a birth plan, things don't really go as planned anyway, so you shouldn't even do that. And then I said, well, I don't want to do coach pushing. I'm going to breathe the baby down. She's like, you can't breathe the baby down. And when I when she knew how long I wanted an unmedicated birth, but, when I was talking to her more about it as we got closer, she's like, well, I had a patient. She really didn't want to have an epidural and she got stuck at seven centimeters and she never dilated past that, and she got an epidural and then had her baby, and it was all fine. I'm like, okay, that's not me. Like, I don't care. So, and all along, she kept bringing up forty weeks, forty weeks, forty weeks, you know? So, I hit forty weeks and, she did the non stress test and, I'm laying there. It was kind of early in the morning and it was on a Friday. I think it was forty weeks and some days or something. And so, I'm laying there on monitors and then she comes in and looks at the papers and then leaves and then comes back in, looks at the papers and she's like, well, there's not a lot of movement on there. And I'm like, okay, maybe he's asleep. I didn't even I didn't research a lot, but just the stuff that was, like, you know, coming to me intuitively, I'm like, maybe he's asleep. Maybe he's not active right now for
Speaker 2
Or maybe you're looking for a reason to induce me because it's Exactly. Exactly.
Speaker 3
Yeah. That's what it really was. So, she's like, we need to do an ultrasound. And I'm like, okay. So, she does an ultrasound, she's looking around and she's like, girl, you have no fluid. And I'm not an ultrasound tech. I don't know what she's telling me is true or not. And I said, well, is it possible that I'm dehydrated? And she said, no, I know you. You drink a lot of water. I'm like, I see you for ten minutes, like, every couple of weeks that you don't know me at all, actually. And she said, it's not because of that. It's because your placenta is dying or deteriorating, whatever word she used. And for someone who doesn't know anything about that, that sounds scary. You know? You're like Of course. That's why
Speaker 2
it works.
Speaker 3
I know my yeah. I'm like, I know my baby needs that to live. So so she's like, okay. Well, come in on Sunday night to the hospital, and we're gonna induce you. God.
Speaker 2
It's so easy, isn't it? It's
Speaker 3
just so,
Speaker 2
like, all you have to do is scare a mother. All you have to do Right.
Speaker 0
And then,
Speaker 2
of course, we're all gonna be like, yeah.
Speaker 3
Okay. Yeah. Whatever you say, doctor. You know best. So I called my I was so upset. On the way home, I'm, like, crying. I'm, like, This is not how I wanted this to happen. But then my husband or boyfriend at the time, whatever, he's like, Yeah. We're gonna meet the baby on Sunday. He's, like, So excited. I'm, like, this is not exciting. This is terrible. So he knew I didn't that that's not what I wanted though. So throughout the weekend, I told, and then I told my mom too, and she's like, well, if it's that big of an emergency, why is she making you wait three days? I'm like, good point. So, I emailed her and I said, so I'm gonna take the weekend to rehydrate, and if my fluids back where it needs to be, then I'm not going to be induced. And she's like, Okay, that's fine, but it's probably not going to happen. Whatever. So I the whole weekend I was like drinking coconut water, making my own every beverage you could think of trying to rehydrate myself. And then in the meantime, I was also, I got a labor induction massage and all kind of stuff trying to get anything going on its own. So, I guess maybe Friday night and Saturday night, I thought that I was going into labor. I I woke up in the middle of the night and I was having contractions and stuff. I'm like, oh my God, it's working. I'm going to go to labor by myself. It's going to be okay. And then it went away and that happened twice. And I'm like, dang it. So then that Sunday night, I get ready to go in for my induction, have my bags packed and everything, and she told me to go eat a big meal before my induction, but I was nervous for the induction. I hadn't really gotten a lot of sleep the nights before because of all the predominant labor I was having and I was in labor, so I just really didn't have an appetite. So I go in and, I go through all the triage crap that they put you through and, and I was having contractions on the monitor the whole time and they did another ultrasound and the ultrasound tech couldn't tell me exactly what she saw, but I could see there was a ton of, black on there. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I looked also I talked to my hypnobirthing practitioner and she was like, well, I can't give you medical advice, but go look on evidencebasedbirth dot com. So, I went and looked on there and they had an article that was saying that, or maybe it wasn't their website, maybe it was another one, but it was saying that low fluid is the new big baby reason for induction. So that made me feel a little better. My husband said, don't not go because he was worried about the baby. He wasn't on the same page as me as far as that went up in time. So, they did the ultrasound, and then the doctor told me that, the the fluid was up to a ten. I don't know what it was before, but she's like, Okay, the fluid's good a ten. You're fine. And I'm like, I told you. So, I went home and then I actually went into labor that night. And so, the next day I'm laboring and everything and I told my mom, I'm like, Can you come back? She went with us to the hospital. I'm like, Can you come back? Because I'm really in labor now. And when I get to the I went into her office first and she checked me and she's like, Yep, you're at a three. You are in labor. And I'm like, Yeah, I told you that you're not selling anything. I don't know. And so then I went to the hospital later. I was I wanted to labor at home and the whole time I was kind of joking in my head. And to my mom, I'm like, what if I just stay home and have the baby in the bathtub by myself? But, I was worried about getting stuck in traffic because we live in Houston, outskirts of Houston, so I was like, we better go now. So I get to the hospital, and everyone all the nurses are looking at me like, Weren't you just here yesterday? Why are you still pregnant? So, I had to go through everything again, get in the labor room, and the whole time it was strange, like, in that hypnobirthing class that I took, they're kind of preparing you like for war almost. They're telling you everything you need to decline and how you should decline it and not what you should, but just kind of advising you what to do, and I thought I was prepared for it and it was still totally not what I expected it to be. People are asking me questions and you go to the hospital to, do the preregistration when you're pregnant and they're still putting papers in my face and asking me questions and I'm talking to a pediatrician on the phone and I'm trying to labor and I'm like, can y'all get out of my room? And I expected, I don't know why I expected that the labor and delivery nurses would be helpful, but they totally were not helpful. It was a teaching hospital, so they were kind of the two little nurses were over there talking to each other and I'm just like walking around and then, they kept telling me, well, when your water breaks, it'll go faster from there, whatever they were telling me, because I wanted to break my water. And by then, I guess it was towards the evening. I think I got to the hospital around three or four, so it was later into the evening and they were trying to convince me to break my waters. And I had said all along I didn't want cervical tracts or anything, but when you're in the moment, you're like, well, let me just see how far along I am, which I know now that doesn't tell you anything, but, so then my doctor comes in and she's like, okay, well, I'm about to leave, so, do you want me to break your water? I'm like, no, I already said no, I don't want you to break my water. She said, do you want one more check? And I said, yeah, one more check. And so, I lay back on the bed and she goes to check me, and I don't know what she did. I know now, but at the time I didn't know what she was doing, but it was the most terrible amount of pain I've ever felt. And her hand's in there, and she's like, oh, I can feel the bag of waters right there. I just want to break it so bad. Ew. Yeah, it was so weird. And then whatever she was doing, I'd had checks before, so I know it wasn't just a regular check. I know now that she'd stripped my membranes Yeah. Without telling me, asking me. And then so my I I started cramping horribly after that. My contractions were worse. That was worse than any. And I had back later too, and that was nothing compared to any of that. So, then she then she leaves, and all I wanted to do was labor in the bathroom, like, instinctively because it's private in there. I had really bad back labor, so the, Corey was putting the warm water on my back and and everything. And, then when they had shift change, I thought it was kind of, coincidental that they sent in a very intimidating nurse. Instead of their two little, like, sweet nurses that were just talking to each other, they sent in a much more intimidating, nurse. And so, then they start telling me that my son's heart rate is declining and I need to be on oxygen and all this, and I think by then I was at an eight. I was definitely in transition because then I started throwing up and I had no idea that that was a normal thing for transition. I just knew that I hadn't eaten and I'm throwing up bile. My back labor is horrible. I just wanted it to end. So I'm in the bathroom laboring and the shower part and the nurse is like, okay. You need to come out and get back on the monitors. And I'm like, I just wanna stay in here. So she left me on for a little bit and she comes back in and she's like, you really need to get out of the shower now because we need to put this on you. I told my husband, I said, you tell them not getting out of this effing shower until this baby comes out. But she came in there and pretty much dragged me out of there, lifts me up and goes to put the gown on me and the monitors and everything. And then I had been doing such deep breaths because the hypnobirthing teaches you to take the deep breaths, which I hadn't practiced because I didn't have any practice contractions before then. So then my chest is hurting. I'm like, this is not going how I planned it at all. So then I was just really upset and miserable, and my mom calls my dad in there and she's like, I don't know what to do. Laney's miserable. And he's like, how do we stop this? He's like a manager at his job or whatever, and he's like a problem solver, so he's like, whatever we need to do to fix this, fix it. He's like, do you want an epidural? And that's like if you're in a desert and someone's like, do you want this yummy margarita when you're in the desert? And I'm like, yes. Give me the epidural. I just wanted somebody to say it. And then my husband's like, no. You told me not to let you get that. Don't get that. Just let me talk to you for five minutes. And I'm like, no. I cannot do this for five more minutes. Get me that epidural. So It's more
Speaker 2
I'd say less less than the margarita analogy. It's more like someone's punching you in the face.
Speaker 0
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And then going, you know, like, would you would you like some drugs to numb it while we keep punching you in the face for the next ten hours?
Speaker 3
You know, like much better now.
Speaker 2
Give yourself a little more credit. It's not it's not as tempting as just being thirsty and water or margarita. You know, it's it's actual abuse. You know, it's actual, like, everything that's happening is the cascade of not only interventions, but of actual trauma and violence too. And humiliation also, you know, like, Yeah. When you get to get out of the shower, which obviously we both know that this is what industrial birth does and if infantilizes adult women, but, that's why it's so important to tell these stories because it's, completely unacceptable.
Speaker 3
Then, I get the epidural. I get the tube bags of saline or whatever. I get the epidural. I'm like, so relieved. And then probably five minutes later, I'm like, something's happening. And, he's coming down and starts counting and that my doctor was gone. And I'm like, okay, so what would happen if there was an emergency? Is there someone else here that can help or whatever? So then the nurse has me do some practice pushes and then my water bursts and there's meconium. So, they call the doctor and she's on her way and it probably was only ten minutes but it felt like it took her an hour to get there. And then he comes out and I don't remember seeing his face or anything. I don't remember anything. There's a picture and I kind of remember from the picture what the moment was, but I don't remember seeing its face. And I probably the cord was probably only
Speaker 2
Why do you think that is?
Speaker 3
I think it was I think I was just my brain was probably in like fight or flight mode and just didn't it was probably thinking of like the surrounding abuse and trauma that was happening to me instead of being focused on like, oh, my kid was just born. And I don't remember his first cry or anything. I just remember me being laid on the bed with my legs wide open, them doing whatever they were doing down there, I had no idea, and then hearing my son crying on the warmer. And I'm telling my husband, he's over there with him, I'm like, talk talk to him, make him feel better. And then I went to sleep after that. I was so exhausted. They wrapped him up in the thing and, well, I did have to go pee and I was ringing my nurse button over and over and they didn't come. So I went by myself and they got
Speaker 2
But didn't you have a catheter in?
Speaker 3
They had taken it out already. And, the other
Speaker 2
thing worth mentioning, you know, just for everyone listening, is that you are on drugs. You know? Like, it's just to remind everybody about why you might not have remembered. You know, you were on fentanyl and and obviously local anesthetic, but but you're on some degree, some cocktail of morphine or statol or fentanyl. And so depending on how much of that, that absolutely can affect your memory. That absolutely can make you, you know, pass out, go to sleep. Not to say you weren't tired. Of course, I'm sure you were. But, Both. Yeah. Right? Like, that's that's such a an important, I think, piece to always remember with epidurals in these stories. It's like,
Speaker 3
oh, wait.
Speaker 2
I I was also on, like, really hardcore narcotics. Yeah. Wild. Oh, my god. Where's that delivery?
Speaker 3
It was. It really was. And then, you know, I never got any sleep the rest of the time. I think I was only there for, like, two days, but people were coming in every single hour checking on me, checking on the baby. And I remember googling, like, how long can you go to without sleep without dying? And they have, like, the legal paperwork that they're having you sign. And I'm like, I can't read this. I don't know what I'm I don't even know what I'm signing. Oh. So the whole experience was terrible. And I just remember crying, like, for days. And I made a Facebook post, like, weeks into it, and I'm like, how long till you stop crying every time you, like, look at your newborn? And it wasn't, like, happy tears. It was just, like, I don't even know how to describe it. It was Trauma. Yeah. Exactly.
Speaker 2
It's the complete decimation of the ten months you spend pregnant dreaming and fantasizing about this gorgeous miracle you are engaging with and growing and creating, and then just to have a full on decimation of that, which goes against everything that you thought you were planning for. It's just, oh, it's so sad.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It was. Definitely not what I thought it would be. But but my second pregnancy was much better, thankfully. So, should I go into that? Totally. No? Okay. So my second pregnancy was also I like to call it a, that she was consciously unconsciously conceived. And so I guess I accidentally called her in and there she was. So, two months later, I, found out I was pregnant and I kind of had mixed feelings because I'm like, my son is my everything and I still felt like he was just a baby, but then on the other hand, I'm like, he's going to have a sibling to play with, and I was so excited about being pregnant because in the middle of that, I never stopped researching pregnancy and birth and all that, and then that's when I was, introduced to free birth. And like a lot of women, I'm like, oh, that's really cool, but that's really crazy. I could never do that when you first hear about it. But I knew for sure, and I had even told my husband before, I were gonna have a home birth this this time before I had found out I was pregnant. And his reaction was, well, who's gonna clean all of that up? And I'm like, okay, well, we can get past that. So so then I thought I was pregnant. And, I at the time, I didn't think for sure that I would do a free birth. I was kind of still between. So I started, interviewing midwives and I had looked all on the Houston Alliance of Midwives or whatever and looked for recommendations, and I had found three different sets of, midwives that I was like, Okay, I'll at least give them a chance to, to have a consultation. So the first one, I was talking with her, and at the beginning, she's interviewing me and asking me, like, what was your blood pressure with your first pregnancy? How long were you pregnant? How long was your labor? I'm I'm like, who's interviewing who here? But the, the point where I was like, she's not the one, is when I asked her how she felt about ultrasounds, and she said, well, my backup OB really likes for all my clients to have, ultrasounds. I'm like,
Speaker 2
well Real quick. Newsflash. All just for everyone listening, all backup OBs like that.
Speaker 3
Right. And I'm like, did you ever think that I didn't that I was hiring a midwife because I didn't wanna do what a OB says to do? Right. So then I'm like, nice talking with you, gotta go. Then the second midwife I, interviewed, she was a little better, but she kept bringing up at the consultation the gestation. She's like, okay, so whenever you're forty one weeks, then we'll start maybe doing some castor oil, and I'm like, maybe not, bye. And then, I had also gotten in touch with a, birth keeper and I was I had asked her for some recommendations and she's actually who recommended the cause I told her I said, I'm not for sure I'm going to do free birth. I was kind of like back and forth with that and, I said, Are there any midwives you would recommend? And so, she introduced me to the third pair of midwives that I interviewed with and I really did like them. They were very I I mentioned to them in the consultation, I'm like, it's just I'm not the kind of person that really likes to tell people, like, no. And they said, no, please tell us no. And I'm like, okay, well, that's a good sign, you know, checkbox for you. So, but the whole time I'm like, maybe I just won't call them when I go into labor so then I can have the prenatal stuff in there just in case I want them or need them. But I'm like, dollars seven thousand is a lot of money to, you know, play with. So, and that was another thing that my husband was concerned about because insurance tells you they'll give you money back, but you don't know how much and whatever. So, so I did go ahead and hire them and I went to one prenatal with them and I mean, it was fine. It was better than doctor's visits, but I wasn't just super excited and in love. So, then I had a meeting with you, a Zoom meeting, and that's when we were talking about the trauma with my son's birth and everything, and, I remember I was sixteen weeks then. I think I was fifteen or sixteen weeks when I talked to you, and then we got on the topic of my pregnancy and you're like, so why do you want midwives there? And you really helped me dig down inside myself and figure out exactly what I wanted and I guess I just needed somebody to push me over the Totally. So, I mean, I knew what I wanted, but I needed someone else to tell me that it was that it was okay. So, then, I had I had paid the deposit with the midwives and everything, and a few weeks later, I had an appointment and I canceled it. I was like, sorry, guys. Don't give me my deposit, but good luck. And I said, well, is there something we could have done differently? And I was like, no, it's not it's not you, it's me. And I never heard from them again. So I'm like, okay, well, I guess it's a good thing that I hired you. So I didn't tell my husband until a few weeks later. He kept asking me, when are we gonna make a payment? When are we gonna make a payment? And I finally told him, I was like, Yeah, I fired them. And, he was like, So, what are we going to do? And I was like, Can we just have the baby at home by ourself? And he's like, Okay. And I was like, Okay. I didn't expect that reaction from him at all because later, whenever I told him, you know, we're definitely doing home birth this pregnancy, he, he was like, that's dangerous, blah blah blah, you know, just what everyone kind of people who are not educated on home birth think. So, of course, I had to read him studies and this and that, blah blah blah, and I was really nervous. I was putting it off, telling him that I wanted a free birth because I didn't know what his reaction was going to be, And, of course, I wanted his support, but I wasn't going to if he wasn't supportive, I wasn't going to let that stop me from having a free birth because I was slow in the middle of the night.
Speaker 2
No. It just stopped you from letting him be there.
Speaker 3
Exactly. Exactly. And I'm like, I don't want to have to go to my mom's house What if I have to? So, and my mom was totally supportive the whole time. That's
Speaker 2
cool. She
Speaker 3
was so excited and everyone would ask her, because I was really public that I was about that I was having a home birth, but I didn't really, like, disclose that no one was going to be there. So everyone's like, are you nervous? I asked her and she's like, no, not at all. But I was So
Speaker 2
was she was she invited to the birth?
Speaker 3
Yes. Yeah. Aww. My mom definitely oh, yeah. My mom was there for my son's birth too. Okay. And it was traumatic for her also. Oh, that's good.
Speaker 2
Of course.
Speaker 3
She's like, not to make it about me, but but she's great. She's the best. And always, it's weird it's weird
Speaker 2
to me when people see people be traumatized in industrial birth and then double down on wanting them to go back there, you know, like a lot of people do. So it's really cool that your mom didn't do that, that she saw you be traumatized and I'm sure experienced, you know, so much of that.
Speaker 3
Part of
Speaker 2
it was
Speaker 3
yeah, part of it was her experience that she had had at the hospital while she was giving birth too. So, I mean, my whole pregnancy, I did my own, prenatal care. My, I saw a chiropractor and, I saw two different chiropractors and one of them did the muscle testing for nutrition and stuff, which was really cool. And she was totally on board with everything that I was doing. I was always nervous to tell people that I was doing a free birth because I didn't want them to try to tell other I only told very few people that I was having a free birth because I didn't want anyone fear mongering me or anything. So, she was totally on board with me. I I never had any ultrasound. She was fine with that. And then, so I had hired the the birthkeeper and I saw her two times. She didn't really do like prenatally stuff, but we just kind of met and talked and whatever. And at first, I was saying I had only had her because I thought my husband and my mom needed the support during labor. I'm like, I'll be fine, but she'll just be there for y'all in case y'all start freaking out. And I think I had asked Corey a couple of times, I'm like, do you have any fears? Are you nervous? And the whole time he's like, no, I'm fine. And I was like, is there anything you're curious about? And he's like, no. I'm it's fine. I trust you. So I'm like, okay. But I just I still acted during my pregnancy, and I worked, and I liked not having to go to doctor's appointments every week and all of that, but there was a different sense in that when you go to the appointment, someone's telling you about yourself and the baby and I didn't have anyone telling me that, so it was like a different connection. Sure. Like you don't you don't of course, when you're at the doctor, you don't know anything for sure anyways, but they kind of give you a false sense of security and I had to give myself my own sense of security. If my mind would wander, I would be like, no, it's fine, I just felt her kick. She's still fine. So, I went to towards the end of my pregnancy, I think I was like thirty seven ish weeks or so when the everything started going into lockdown and quarantine and all that. And And I was really sad because I wanted my son to have a birthday party. The year before, he didn't get to have a birthday party because we were getting married around that time. So, I really wanted him to have a birthday party this time around. And so, I said there were only two things I wanted to do before I went into labor, and I totally planned to go forty two, forty three weeks. I wasn't even concerned about that. But I wanted my son to have a birthday party and I wanted to have maternity pictures done. And I didn't really no one really feel I don't know I didn't feel like getting dressed up and taking pictures, but I'm like, I know I'm going to want these one day, so let's just do it. And and so I had my son at forty one weeks, I forgot to mention that, so I was totally prepared to go longer, and I think it was thirty nine ish weeks, and we went out to my mom's house. Everything was on lockdown, so that was my only place to go outside of the house and she lives in the country on land and stuff with a pool, so my son got to go run around and everything. And my husband was off work and we were both trapped in the house together, so I'm like, can we stretch our legs? So he took my maternity pictures and that same that same day, my, mom threw a little surprise birthday party for my son, which I thought was so cute. I looked so emotional when I walked in. She had little monster things everywhere. I'm like, oh my God. So, oh, I forgot to mention one thing. During my pregnancy I think I was six months my second pregnancy we go to Taos every year, like around Christmas and, so we went there in December and we were at this little, restaurant and there are business cards everywhere and I picked up one and it was for a doula and she did prenatal massages and I'm like, oh, that's so cool. I'll go get a prenatal massage. And she turns out to be a traditional midwife. So, she said she's friends with, Rachel that does, like, the postpartum.
Speaker 2
Rochelle. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Oh, Rochelle. Yes. Yes. I was talking to her about it. She's, like, oh, yeah. That's like, oh, yeah. That's my good friend. So we did, like, belly mapping and stuff. I'm like, that's so cool to have, like, a it was cool to pick my own prenatal care out. It wasn't just going to one person on this date. Like, I could, you know, go to whoever I wanted. And so we did, like, belly mapping. It's as
Speaker 2
if you were, like, a free adult woman that was just, like, making their own decisions going with what they wanted. It's crazy.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Not contracted to one one person's care only. Yeah. And she told me she was very supportive. She's like, if you don't have any questions or ever need anything or whatever, give me a call and she gave me her personal number to call her. So, that was a cool thing too. But anyways, so back to my, back to my labor. So, two days after the little birthday party and everything, I go into labor and I was totally not expecting that at all, because I was not even forty weeks yet. And I went to my mom's house again I'm I'm always at my mom's house. So, I'm sitting on the couch and she's talking to me and I'm feeling these contractions and I had some false labor stuff but not really anything serious. It was just on and off, but I couldn't focus on what she was saying. And I didn't drink coffee my whole pregnancy, but I wanted to treat myself that day. So I had a coffee and I really regretted it later because I skipped my nap. And so I kept going to the bathroom. At the two days before when I was doing the pictures and stuff, I had a headache, which I never got headaches, so I thought that was kind of weird. And then, so that first I was just drinking a ton of water and I thought that's why. I kept going to the bathroom every like two minutes when I was at my mom's and she's like, are you okay? Is there something going on? I think you're in labor. And I was like, no, it's nothing. I'm fine. I just don't really feel good. And I just kept, thinking that I wanted to go home and which is really weird because that's the house that I grew up in and I love being at my mom's house, but for some reason I just had this urge to go back home. So, my contractions are pretty consistent and I was timing them just to see if there was any pattern or anything. And it's funny, my app said go to the hospital, and I was like putting in my stuff, it's like time to go to the hospital, and I'm like, no, it's not. Time to stay home, time to go home and stay there. So, we go home and I was having contractions the whole time and I didn't really want to say anything to anyone because I was pretty sure it was going to go away, but I could not go to sleep that night. And finally, I guess like two thirty, some of my mucus plug came out. So I was like, maybe I should tell my husband. So I told him, and he was like, no, you're not. You're kidding. Where is it? And I'm like, I flushed it down the toilet. I didn't I didn't keep it. And, he's like, are you gonna text your mom? Are you gonna text Amanda? Amanda was my my birth keeper. And I'm like, no, it's two thirty in the morning. It's gonna be a while. It'll be fine. So, I think I got maybe two interrupted hours of sleep that night. And then the next morning, I was just kind of laboring and woke my husband up to, have him get the pool ready and everything. And I feel like in every birth story, something goes wrong with the pool to keep the husbands occupied so you can labor. So, I had some kind of filter on there and the filter shot charcoal stuff everywhere. So, we had to start over with the pool and, and that morning he I didn't know he did but he had texted my mom and he was like, can you come here because I think Laney's in labor and I don't want to be stuck here by myself, like, can you come here? And I had texted her also coincidentally right after that, her and the doula, I'm like, don't be alarmed, I think I'm in labor, mom, can you go to Target and get me some extra stuff? So, she's like, I know it's not a rush or whatever. So, I was having pretty consistent contractions pretty close together. And then later on in the morning, my son had woken up, my stepdaughter's there, she had woken up, up, my mom had gotten there, so stuff started to fizzle out. And I'm like, this is what everyone talks about. I didn't notice it with my son, I'm sure it happened, but I'm like, I definitely my body's not feeling comfortable. So, then my doula had gotten there and she lived three hours away, so I wanted to make sure and give her plenty of heads up. So, she gets there and it's funny because I had only met her like twice, but I was totally comfortable with her. And by then we had gotten the pool all up and everything and I had throughout while I was laboring, I had gotten in and out of the shower and stuff and, I'm floating in the pool naked and she walks in and I'm like, Hey! Like most of the time, they're not gonna you know, do that with someone who you just met. And she's like, how are you feeling? And I was like, fine. And she said, did you lose any of your, mucus plug yet? Or she said, did you have any bloody show? And I'm like, no, I don't think so. And I looked down in the pool and then it's like floating beside me in the pool and I'm like, oh, yep, there it is. So, she did, she started doing some, like acupressure points on me to kind of help the contractions pick back up. And she was great the whole time because she was just far enough away to where I didn't feel like she was hovering, but she was still there if I was like, give me a drink or whatever. And it turns out we definitely needed everyone there who was there. My mom was there, my husband was there, and she was there, and my son was there and my stepdaughter. Luckily, my stepdaughter was helping keep my son entertained because he was just he definitely felt that there was something going on. So, he was just acting so wild the whole time. We have a two story house, so I could hear him upstairs jumping around and my poor mom was up and down the stairs. She said, Then I'd say her legs are so sore because she was trying to come help me and then help take care of my son. And I had said the whole time, I don't want anybody there except you guys. Like, don't if anybody pops up, they don't get to come in. But someone did pop up. My neighbor came and knocked on the door. I had ordered a package, And by then, I was definitely, like, vocalizing my transactions I mean, my contractions. And, he knocks on the door and I'm like, oh, God, he's here. Someone's hearing me yelling and they're, like, coming to check on us. And he's like, oh, your package got delivered. And and he can hear me yelling. He's like, what's going on? My husband's like, oh, we're just having a baby, and he's like, okay, good luck. He was like, probably really confused. And then, later I didn't know it, but my mom texted my dad and she's like, do not let Lainie know you're here, but I really need help with Kaiden, my son. So, she's like, I don't want her to know you're here, but just take him upstairs and, like, do something with him because I really need to help her. So, I was glad at the end cause I couldn't fully concentrate, like, listening to him. Like, my, you know, half mom brain was on him. Like, is he okay? What's he doing? So my dad came and got him down for an app, and I guess he was just sitting in my husband's game room, like, just listening to everything going on, probably like, what the hell is going on? And so, I only had probably four hours of active labor right after my doula got there. That's when stuff really started picking up. And once again, I had terrible, back labor again, and I was telling her she was the, counter pressure queen because she knew exactly where to press, for how long, like, where to rub, how to rub, and I'm like, girl, if I would have had you for my first thing, I definitely that would have been amazing, but she was great. And it was funny because the pool that I had was like a little twenty dollars blow up pool from Amazon, and she's like, this is great. I can reach right over the side and, like, grab your back and everything. Because I had basically no supplies. I had some t shirts and I was about it. I'm like, this is the cheapest birth ever. So my contractions definitely started picking up and I kept saying, I don't think I'm in transition yet because I don't feel like I can't go on anymore. I was like, that's when I know for sure that I'm in transition. So, then I start, really vocalizing. I was in the shower and I'm like, yelling, and I hear my son on the stairs and he's yelling with me. I guess he thinks it's the game or whatever. And then I'm like, surely Corey can hear me. Where is he? And I listen and he's vacuuming upstairs. And when I had first started going into labor, he's like, okay, what do I need to do? I said, I don't care what you do, but I want the dishes done and the house cleaned by the time the baby's here. And so I guess that's what he was doing was, like, hurrying up and cleaning the house. So that and that's when I knew I was in transition because, I started throwing up, and I'm like, this time, I'm like, okay, this is great. Like, I'm getting close. And I made sure to like rest and eat the whole time I was in labor because I wanted to have enough energy and food so I actually had something to throw up, which was great. And I would just like I would throw up and then I would just like cry and cry and cry. Not like sadness or like happiness, just like emotional relief I guess. So, so I was crying, throwing up, crying, throwing up. Like I would have a contraction and then like throw up and then cry. And I'm like, this is, like, a really, not cute. And then, my Labor is definitely
Speaker 2
not cute. It's not cute at all. It's a lot of things. Cute is not one of them.
Speaker 3
Postpartum can be cute. Postpartum was not very cute for me either.
Speaker 0
That's true.
Speaker 3
But my husband was joking because, one of the contractions, I just, like, said this long string of cuss words that, like, didn't even go together. And so he starts laughing at me. He's like, you sound like a little kid that, like, just learned to cuss. But I'm like, it's the only thing that I see go letter. And my birth keeper is, like, really religious, so hopefully I didn't, upend her at all. But but I'm, like, probably nothing you haven't heard before. So then I didn't ever have any moment of, like, fear or, like, panic or anything. Leading up to it leading up to labor and stuff, I kind of thought that I would because I'm like, oh my God, am I really about to do this? You know, like, And I thought, I'm like, I'm going to read this book one more time and research this one more time, but I'm like, no, I'm probably not going to remember any of it anyways. So, that was another reason why it was great to have her there because it was kind of like the knowledge that I had but I couldn't, like, get to while I was in labor. She had it like stuff that I would, you know, probably think to do. So I'm laboring and laboring and, and I didn't think she was stuck, but I just kind of wanted to help her down a little more. So I'm, like, doing lunges and, like, all kind of stuff. I was doing, like, a real workout. I was on my exercise ball, like, moving my hips and doing lunges and squats and stuff. And I'm, like, this is such a contrast to just laying down flat in a hospital bed at this point with my son. I was literally sweating. And, and so I asked Amanda, I'm like, okay, I'm out of ideas. I really am ready for this to be over. I knew for sure I was in transition and it was coming towards the end. And so she suggested that I, like, put my butt in the air and kind of help her, like, readjust as she was in a funny position. So I did that. It's not very comfortable or very cute either. I'm like, good thing there's not any strangers in here because anyway, so, and I'm like, I I was just kind of like at a dead end. I was running out of energy. I was ready for it to be over. So then she suggested, I which I always asked her first. She didn't ever say anything without me, you know, asking her. And she's like, if you want to get on the toilet, it would definitely intensify things, but just be ready for the contractions to be worse. And I'm like, I don't care. I want to get this over with. So I'm sitting on the toilet, and by then, I was having back to back to back contractions. So my husband hopped in and he was trying to do the counter pressure, and I'm like, no, bring him into that. You're not good at this. And then he kept telling me, do you want to play your birth affirmations? Because I had Yolanda's birth affirmation thing. I'm like, no, I don't want to hear anything. Shut up. And he goes to turn them on, and I'm like, no, I don't want that. And so it was it was getting really intense, and I could feel my my waters right there and what I thought was her head. And so, I'm like, kind of trying to push at that point and I'm like, oh, she's right there. And then I figure out that her head is much farther up, but my waters are just like bulging down. So, I got a little discouraged and I'm like, okay. Let me just go, lay down, in the tub so I can relax for a little bit. Maybe it'll kinda ease things up. So I'm laying in the tub, and the whole time, the the pool is like I was so glad to have more than one person there because we're having to, like, dump get a, pot, dump water out of the pool, fill hot water back in there. Like, the pool was just the whole kind of, like, fiasco, but, so I'm in the pool and they're trying to warm it back up for me and I start having contractions again and I'm like, oh my God, I'm ready for this to be over. And I said, okay, that's it. I I want to go to the hospital. I'm done. And I know. And then digging down inside, I knew I didn't want to nor was I going to be able to make it to the hospital, but I think that was my way of declaring that I was over this whole thing. And then Amanda goes, Nope, nope, you're not. You're fine. Just so matter of factly, and literally right then, like, I feel her drop down into the birth canal. I had no idea that it was that, like, abrupt of a thing, so I guess she was like, heck no, I'm not going there. Then she starts crowning and I remember my head thinking like, this girl has the longest head because it felt like her head was just coming out forever. And so, I reached down and I, I feel her head and you can hear my husband in the video. He's like, oh my God, is that the baby? And my mom's like, yeah. And he's like, oh my gosh. And the whole time, he's, like, really grossed out by, like, blood and everything. And he was like, I'm not getting in the pool. But of course, he gets in the pool and hops in there. He he's like, I thought you were gonna fall over. And I'm like, I'm gonna fall over. Because I was on, like, like, I had one knee up. I was on my knees, but I had one knee up and I was holding on to the side of the pool. And, so then, like, I just started pushing and her head came out and then I rested for a little bit and then the rest of her body came out and I remember vividly seeing her face and then I just laid back on the, side of the pool and everyone's like, oh my gosh. And, I'm like looking at her face and she didn't really cry. She just like looks kind of confused. And, then she let out, like, the littlest cry, and I was just holding her, and I'm, like, we did it. We did it. And then I checked, and I'm, like, oh, it's the girl. Because I I did, kind of know her gender because my, nutritionist, she did a muscle test to see, like, she asked my body if it was a boy or a girl and it told her a girl. So I was like, we don't know for sure, but pretty sure, but we knew then for sure that she was a girl. And, then I just started, like, shaking because the pool was cold. I guess I didn't realize it. I'm like, get me out of here. And I get in the bed and I'm just snuggling with my baby and it's beautiful. And then, okay, so with my placenta, I did not have the fetal ejection reflex when she was being born, but I had never heard of it before, but I did have that with my placenta. So I thought that was really cool that I had never heard about that before, but I felt it, like, release and then it came right out maybe, like, thirty minutes later and her cord was white. And, my husband cut her cord. We tied her cord and cut it. And then Amanda was so helpful with cleaning everything up and all of that. I'm like, it definitely takes, you know I would think about the women who just have their husband, and I'm like, that's so beautiful. But at the same time, like Yeah. Like, how is it all going to do? Yeah. How is he doing that? Because everyone and she was there she was born at seven twenty eight, I remember, And people were there till, like, midnight cleaning up everything. So
Speaker 2
You know, you kinda you just you need whoever's there. You know? It's like if it's one person, it works out. If there's a couple people, it works out. It's kinda like what they say about towels. Like, people always ask me I'm
Speaker 3
gonna say Yeah.
Speaker 2
Like, I don't know. You're just gonna use however many towels are there. That's it's fine.
Speaker 3
Exactly. Yeah. So it was great. And and the other contrast between this birth and my birth and my birth with my son, we stayed up till four in the morning just, like, of course I was tired from birthing and stuff, but like I wasn't even tired. Like I was just laying there snuggling her and then we wake my son up and he comes in and at first like you know you tell him the whole time that there's a baby in there or whatever but they don't really get it. My son didn't get it at least. So he's kind of confused, but then you could tell he, like, figured it out. And he was, like, got really excited, and he's, like, I'm gonna go get her some snacks. So he goes and gets her Oreo cookies. He likes some Oreo cookies on the bed. I'm, like, that's love. Cute.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So nice to hear the whole story. So happy to see your photo posted in the group a couple months ago when she came here, but it's so nice to actually hear all the all the little details, how it all came together.
Speaker 3
It did. It came together perfectly.
Speaker 2
I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Thanks, Emilee.
Speaker 2
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching, learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on free birth society dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise, and the revolution starts inside each of us. Our opening song is by Shyla Rae. And now, I'll leave you with our Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. Magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored, eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding, the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back to the star.
Speaker 0
Wild woman, she still lives inside. Wild woman, from you, I will not hide. They could not bend
