Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child, since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I am. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Welcome back. It's season five, women. It's so good to be back here with you all. Wow. So much has happened since I signed off in May. I'm gonna give you a quick update, and then we will dive into our first amazing story of the season. So we, as always, have a lot going on over here. On a personal note, we have settled nicely onto our beautiful sixty five acres of land and have accomplished so much in our first year of living with this special land. Over the summer, I held my first annual women's festival, a lifelong dream of mine, and it was better and more powerful than I could possibly explain right now. I also recently had an incredible women's retreat, which continues to be the exact medicine that I need again and again. Our chickens are finally giving us eggs. We're learning how to butcher. Well, Johnny is. I'm not. Our greenhouse is almost ready for plants, and our first garden was a hot mess. So I'm looking forward to trying again next year. Jonny and I have lifted the veil to consciously conceiving our next child, and that certainly comes with all the feelings and the hopes and the fears and the dreams and the control freak in me. So all of that is alive right now. I'm also thrilled to share that we have families who are very dear to us moving to the area, and I can just see what we're doing and what we're growing into in a whole new way. As for Freebird Society, we're as busy as ever. We will soon be releasing the presale of our newest course, which is a course by the incredible Kate Varsava. The course is called Womancraft, A Witch's Awakening. I will gush about this course another time, but for now, you can check it out at free birth society courses dot com slash woman craft. Then November first, we will open enrollment for the spring round of the Radical birthkeeper school. We are halfway through our fall session right now with eighty six students from twenty one countries, and I'm just continually mind blown by the magic. We are all spinning together. Women are attending births outside the system, coaching women who want free births, rocking their businesses, collaborating with other students in their own countries. It's just so cool. Our spring round begins March first, and you can grab your spot beginning November first. In December, we will finally open the gates to a project we've been working on behind the scenes for the past year. It's called the Blood Mysteries School. It will be run by the medicine women, Kristen Hauser and Nancy Lucina. And in short, it will completely change your life. So more on that later. And for those of you wondering, I will be releasing tickets to next summer's Matriarch Rising Festival in the new year, so hang tight and make sure that you're on my newsletter. The dates are on the site already at matriarch rising festival dot com. So before we kick off this season, I wanna acknowledge the current global climate and how much pain and anger and fear we are holding in this COVID era. Things are changing fast and feeling very uncertain, particularly for those of us who choose to remain uninjected. People are losing their jobs in droves, families and friend groups have fallen apart, and the worldwide segregation has begun. People are being fired from their long standing jobs, not allowed to fly or enter grocery stores, being denied medical care, and more. These are dark times. It weighs heavy on my heart every day. And I wanna say here in this space that I stand with freedom. I stand with personal choice. I stand with nature. I stand with life. And in this elevated push towards transhumanism and as people willfully inject themselves with new technology and beg for more government control over their lives and ours, I pray that this podcast will find exactly who is meant to hear it, who will benefit from these freedom stories, and who will know and remember that there are countless people the world over standing together and who will not back down. You are not alone, and we are here to be in community with you. We have an amazing membership community, and you're welcome to apply for it on our website. These are freedom stories of women around the world birthing in power, mothering in their self authority, and learning how to untangle themselves from the systems that seek to diminish the power of mother baby. But these aren't the only ones. There are thousands and thousands of these stories around the world right now. Join us on a journey this season as we hear the tales of women birthing at home entirely free from the industrial birth complex, of women bringing birth back to where it belongs, in our homes and in our hands. Enjoy. Here at Freebird Society, you know we love surprise twin stories. So with her first birth, Celia was put through the conveyor belt of industrial obstetrics. But as she reflected on her birth experience postpartum, she came to the quick conclusion that there must be a better way forward. With her second pregnancy, Celia found free birth, and after connecting with like minded sisters in our very membership, she committed to the path of undisturbed birth for her next baby. Celia and her husband had a total surprise when she birthed not one, but two babies. Celia shares with us the sweet story of her late father guiding her through her process, the power of affirmations, and what life is like as a mother of three littles. So I'm really excited to hear all of this today. You have the infamous video of the surprise twins, and we'll get to that in a little bit. But I wanna start with with your initiation into motherhood, which which was with your son. So tell us kinda where wherever it begins for you.
Speaker 3
Okay. Well, my partner and I had been together already eight years when we got married. We were high school sweethearts, so we were ready to try immediately, and got pregnant right away with my son.
Speaker 2
Wait. So how old were you when you guys got together?
Speaker 3
We were seventeen. Oh, that's so cute.
Speaker 2
And then you waited eight years just because you were getting your life together and
Speaker 3
Yep. Going to school and all kinds of stuff happening. Absolutely. We got a house. We, you know, traditionally got married, started a family, all of that. And I was very much in the system for this pregnancy, and didn't know of any other options really. Pregnancy was good. You know, just some classic nausea, heartburn, whatever, but I felt great. I waited through all my three, three and a half hour OB appointments to hear that everything was perfect. All that jazz.
Speaker 2
What was your reference point for birth and early, like, postpartum breastfeeding, natural birth? Like, what had you heard about for better or worse at this point?
Speaker 3
Yeah. That's, so I had I had obviously you know, classic story felt like I had to prove myself. I had heard of home birth, and I had thought that would be ideal. I only heard of one actual home birth story ever around me, which ended up transferring to hospital. So, I didn't have any other language or understanding of the birth community at all outside of that. And I was the first in my family to even be pregnant. I have three sisters, so, I was the first one and so really had no experience, but I started looking for information. I knew there was something in the back of my head and I was looking up, you know, positive birth stories, YouTube videos of positive births, of course, never once came across pre birth or anything. Just, I had a great hospital birth story. Right. And then I bought some books on, like, hypnobirthing. I started listening to hypnobirthing tracks every night. So I had my whole birth plan ready, and I had it all. You know, I don't want any of this. I want immediate skin to skin. I had it all laid out. I had my bag packed with all kinds of gadgets and, you know, meditative tracks and little candles and everything. And then when I went into labor, I went into labor on my due date. That night, they had already started talking talking to me about induction, and it was freaking me out. And I just thought there's no way I'm gonna let that happen. Like, whatever I you know, all of the natural ways to induce, I'll do what I need to do because I'm not going in to get induced. Never had red raspberry tea before. So I had heard that that could possibly start contractions, so I made the strongest red raspberry tea I could. I had it on my nightstand, and I took one sip. And then I thought, you know what? I think I need a night of rest first. I'll try tomorrow. So then my husband and I made love. And right after, I had, like, an hour long or more cramp that just wasn't going away.
Speaker 2
Uh-huh.
Speaker 3
So I started doing all the things, you know, walking around. I tried getting in the tub. I tried everything. I was so uncomfortable. And then the contractions started, and, I was very confused because the only storyline that I had ever heard was that the contractions will come on, and they'll progress, and they'll get longer and closer together and all of that. And I did not have that experience. They were on top of each other, very intense, back to back, different timelines. So I was in complete denial that that could even be labor. So I called the hospital. They said, you know, the classic, take some time and have a rest and call us whatever. And I was like, I can't, so I'm coming in. So when I was start my cramps started around, I think, ten quarter after ten PM, and we got to the hospital. It was about three AM. And I was three centimeters dilated. So they said you're staying. And, right away, I kind of said under my breath to my husband, don't take it with that birth plan, and don't open that bag with all of my stuff in it. And I wasn't, like, thinking through anything at the time. I just had an immediate feeling that I'm not gonna be taken seriously if I try and present the beautiful plan that I have right now. You know, I thought I'll just put it up on my board so all the nurses can see. And, right away, I was like, this is not happening, and I need to do what I've told.
Speaker 2
Yeah. That's so classic. Right? Like, crazy us assuming that staff that we're paying for are gonna care about preferences and important important decisions. I've seen nurses, when women post, like, hang up their plans on the door. I've seen nurses literally take it off the door, crumple it up, and laugh, and throw it in front of their face. Yeah. So you just you just got it right away. You were like, this is not the deal.
Speaker 3
I've when I got off that first nurse, I was like, if I start taking out my little battery, little candle lights and things, I'm gonna be the laughing like, I'm gonna be the joke of this floor. So Oh my god. So then right away, I felt like I had lost all control. I just started saying, you know, give me the epidural, and I went from, like, three to eight or nine centimeters very quickly. It was just really intense. But the anesthesiologist was off, thankfully. And they said it'll be a while before he comes in, but we can offer you the fentanyl drip. And I said, absolutely not. And then that was really being pushed on me. I just kept saying no.
Speaker 2
Which is ironic because that's what's in epidurals. But people don't I'm not I'm not I'm not at all making fun of you. I just mean, like, people don't know. Right? Like, you probably weren't thinking or told that fentanyl is what's in epidurals.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Right? You I'm assuming you didn't know that. Right?
Speaker 3
No. I did not. Yeah. And I think she actually did say that to me at one point. Like, it's the same stuff. And I was like, who is this person spreading misinformation all over the place? Like, how dare she? And here's what's right. And I just didn't know. So thankfully when, when the anesthesiologist came in, I was in a much better headspace. I kind of gotten past that, like, really, really intense, portion, and then I did decline it at that point, which is what I wanted. The only thing I tried I tried the gas and air. Didn't help me at all, but it actually allowed me to take a deep breath because I had to, and that was helpful. But I gave up on that really quickly. And then I laid on my back with my eyes closed the entire time I was there.
Speaker 2
Wow.
Speaker 3
And, you know, just constantly trying to defend myself against, you know, right away, they wanted to break my waters and give me Pitocin, and we're kind of shocked when I said no. And, so I'm trying to, like, have these conversations, like, isn't that gonna make my contractions even worse? And they're like, oh, yeah. It could. You know? Just didn't understand why I was declining these things.
Speaker 2
Right. Don't you just want it to be over? Yeah.
Speaker 3
So I
Speaker 2
got
Speaker 3
trying to push all of that. And I tried to even decline the IV, but I was GBS positive. So I had to have six bags of antibiotic fluids. Woo. Yes. And I tried to decline the monitor as well. It was excruciatingly painful actually when they had it on my stomach. It was really interfering with my ability to focus on anything, but I was told absolutely not. There's no getting around this. You have to have it on. And then my heartbeat was actually in sync with my son, so it kept setting off this little alarm on the the monitor thing. It just it was such a pain. And at one point, they realized that I hadn't gone pee since I arrived, and I was on, like, bag five of six fluids. So they said we're gonna have to do a catheter. And I said, no. I'm gonna get up and go pee. And they said no. And, they said I could try and squat up on the table over a little bowl and try and pee, which I did try, and that was not happening. And I was really fighting on this. I was like, please just let me go pee. Like, what is the big concern? They were like, you could have the baby. I was like, so come with me then. I don't care. And I lost. I tried really hard really hard to say no to that. I did not wanna catheter, but I did lose that battle, and they emptied out my bladder. It didn't really seem to change anything, but, then I I had started to feel, like, pushy before that, and the doctor told me, no. You can't feel pushy. It's too soon. Thankfully, when he left the room, the nurses were like, it's okay. You can push. We don't care. I was like, thank you. I'm gonna do what my body's asking me to do. And I ended up with coach pushing for four hours, which I had gone in hoping to not have to push at all. And they could see his head for a long time too. So at one point, the doctor came in and said, you know, you're going in for a c section soon. And this doctor actually has a nickname of being, like, doctor cesarean. So I was I knew that going into it, and I was afraid for that reason. And then he said, you know, we'll wait a little bit longer and just see. And if there's no progress, then it's time for c section. At that point, I was so defeated from trying to defend myself the entire time that I was just like, you know what? I'm giving up. Whatever needs to happen needs to happen. But when he did leave the room, I started you know, I told myself, like, okay. If there's ever a time to really push, it's now. And something kind of bizarre and interesting is that the nurse was applying counter pressure with her fingers inside me to, like, show me how to push or something like that. I'm not sure. Mhmm. Like, now this is disturbing to me, but at the time, I had no control over my body, and I couldn't get off my back. And so when she was applying the pressure, it felt like it was helping me. So I I asked her to keep doing it. So every time she I had a contraction, which they were still on top of each other this whole time. She would have applied this counter pressure. Now I'm just like, that is so weird. So that's what was happening. And the doctor came back in, and he said, oh, there's been a little bit of progression, so, you know, I'll allow you to continue vaginally. And then he said, but you'll need an episiotomy, because there's just not enough space down there, which I knew that was gonna happen coming in. Like, I I just knew that that was gonna be said. Yeah. So, he had me frozen, and he had, he had the knife against my skin. And at the last minute, he did not cut. Thank god. When he said that, I started visualizing all of the open things I could possibly come up with in my mind, like flowers blooming and everything, just picturing myself as wide as I could. And then he also, like, crowned pretty slowly in and out kind of thing, which really, I think, stretched and helped. But I am so, so, so thankful that he did not end up making that cut. Just
Speaker 2
I mean, that's fully that's birth under war. Yeah. Like, the knife against your perineum, people yelling at you, like, the whole threatening c section. I mean, this is classic hospital birth. Obviously, this is the story most women know at this point in history, but it's really wild that babies still can emerge.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And, also, to add on top of that, at the last minute, as his head was emerging, the the nurse came over and put an oxygen mask on me. And I have a history of ear surgeries. I've had, like, six surgeries on my ear. The first one happened when I was ten, and the anesthetic, was administered via the mask, and it made me really ill. So it was like a whole trauma thing for me. Like, ever since then, I demand absolutely no mask. And so she just came out of nowhere with no explanation, put it on my face as he was coming out, and I'm like Woah. Air of, like, trauma here. And so I started freaking out. Yeah. And they were kind of laughing and, like, it's just oxygen. I'm, like, going through all of these things at once, it was just insane.
Speaker 2
Oh my god.
Speaker 3
So then, he comes out, and the cord is cut, you know, before he's even out of me. And he's whisked off to be turned upside down and suctioned in all of these things. And my legs at this point had been up all day plus four hours of pushing in these stupid stirrups. And I said to the doctor, if I don't get my legs down right now, I'm going to die. And he said, nope. Not yet. So all kinds of things are happening at once at this point. I'm leaning up trying to look over at my baby, and I'm asking them what's wrong, what's going on, you know, why is he not on me, and why is he not crying and all this. And no one's answering me, of course. Just like stoic faces doing their jobs.
Speaker 2
Robots.
Speaker 3
At the same time, he's pulling my placenta out, and I literally stopped and said to him, no. Please stop. I wanna deliver this naturally. And he said, you are delivering it naturally, and he pulled it out. And that they did end up giving me, pitocin, of course, right before he came out. Like, there was no getting I I don't think I ever said yes. So You
Speaker 2
didn't say yes to any of that.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like, I don't know if they had, like, beaten me down enough that I was like, just do it or if it just happened without me even knowing
Speaker 2
Well, they just hang a bag into your IV. It's not Yeah. Like, most of the time, women don't even realize it's happening. They just add it.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So all the things. And then, eventually, he did answer me. He said, that my son was in shock, and that's why they were doing all these things. No shit. Yeah. What do you expect? Poor guy. And I knew in my head that he was fine this whole time, but I was so, like, dissociated at this point that I felt like I was almost like an actor. Totally. And I was, like, filling a role by saying all these things like, oh, you know, why is me crying and all this even though I knew, like, everything was fine. Mhmm. So then they finally put him on me, and, you know, that time frame from him being out of me to on me felt longer than my entire labor even though it was only a few minutes. And, of course, there was no immediate connection because I was in I don't know what kind of state I was in at that point. And then they wanted me up for a shower right away. It took two of them to carry me in because I couldn't walk.
Speaker 2
Oh, so you couldn't you weren't allowed to get up and pee, but then they're gonna drag you into the shower? Yeah. Like, you're like a farm animal? Holy shit.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And
Speaker 2
Why did you need to shower?
Speaker 3
I think it's, like, it was, like, on their checklist or something. Like, they just wanted to tick the box and say that it was done. Yes. And I I literally could not walk for three days. I was so sore, and they said, oh, you're the most, the doctor said you're the most swollen I've ever seen from pushing. Mhmm. And I think part of that too is that some of the time during the four hours, I wasn't actually pushing when they were telling me to. I was kind of pretending to because I didn't really wanna push. I wanted the baby to just come out. But then also they were like, oh, you know, we haven't seen a an unmedicated birth like this in so long. That was amazing. And I was like, that is sad. It wasn't even unmedicated.
Speaker 2
No. You were pumped of fluids, antibiotics, and pit.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It Oh. I mean, that right there just tells you, like, you know, that that was a big deal for them. Mhmm. So, anyways, so then my postpartum with him was good, but I kept googling PTSD after birth because I just felt like there was some layer of trauma there, and I couldn't figure it out. And nothing would come up. I knew I didn't have postpartum depression. That was the only thing that kept popping up. And I was like, this isn't right. It's not I'm not depressed at all. I feel great. I have a good bond with my baby. I was doing really well. I just felt like there was this layer of trauma that I couldn't figure out.
Speaker 2
Totally.
Speaker 3
And I never found anything. It took me probably a year to start, like, processing and actually accepting that I was allowed to say that my experience was traumatic because the only stories I'd ever heard were, like, you know Right. The horrible, way worse than mine, like, that kind of situation.
Speaker 2
It's pretty your your story's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. But when you're looking at PTSD and you're, like, starting to think on this and you have this this knowing that that it that it's wrong or whatever, like, you really even though no one was around to normalize it, you still knew. Right? Or was it or was it really, like, you I am genuinely asking. Like, when you're when you're looking online or or you're trying to get that sense, like, did you know that it was wrong and you just yeah. Will you speak more about that? Like, is it just everyone's gaslighting you saying it's normal? Or,
Speaker 3
No. I don't even think I had shared this my feelings with anyone because I thought I would be laughed at. My higher self clearly knew that something was very wrong there, but I didn't actually process that something was wrong. I left the hospital with straight up Stockholm syndrome. Like, I thought I'll be back here for sure, and how my nurses were so nice, and they were. They were nice people. When I left the hospital,
Speaker 2
I thought I thought that. So what do you mean when you said you had Stockholm syndrome and you said I'll be the I'll be back? Was it like like, thank god I was there? Like, what what do you mean when you say you had Stockholm syndrome?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I felt like I didn't feel like they, like, were my saviors or anything, but I felt like, I would never I I remember leaving the hospital thinking I would never do that without their care.
Speaker 2
Wow.
Speaker 3
Wow. Like, I will that because before, I was like, yeah. You know, I just need to prove myself, and then I'll have a home birth the second time. So when I'm leaving, I'm like, wow. I can't believe I ever thought that. I'll be back here for sure next time.
Speaker 2
Wow. So, like, job well done of the system. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Exactly. So sorry.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And now when I see that in other people, it just breaks my heart. Totally. So, anyways, I'm trying to process all of this, and, I was following Jinty at the time on YouTube, and her birth video came up. And I remember I watched it the first time, and I thought, this is amazing. And, also, she's crazy. Where's her midwife? Like, what's going on here? But then she linked her podcast episode, and then I became, like, full on obsessed at that point. I listened to every single episode. I started unlearning how all of these things I thought were problems were not. And I was just, like, exploding with this. I was telling everyone that I knew. I'm like, have you ever heard of free birth? Like, this is amazing. And just devouring every single episode. I I was just like, this is the answer. Like, I'm I'm literally learning how my emotional response to the fact that that was traumatic is validated because Appropriate. Yeah. Because of the stories that I'm hearing. And it just felt so powerful. So I knew that definitely that's the path I was gonna be on, from then on. And then, slash forward to I think it was January twenty twenty, and we started trying for our second baby. And then I joined the Freebirds Society membership, and I did some of the conscious conception calls with Nancy. And, I never had any, like, direct communication, I would say, with spirit babies, but it's really interesting story now that I felt that there was two spirits that wanted to come in. And I even told my grandma this story when I was pregnant. I was like, I'm feeling two spirits. I feel like one of them is a girl, and she's very headstrong, and she's not supposed to come in yet, but she doesn't want to wait. She just wants to come. And the other one that I thought was probably a boy was, like, a really calm, totally cool, like, gentle soul who was supposed to come first, but then the girl was, like, fighting to come in first. So I just couldn't decide who's coming. I didn't know what was going on. I never felt like I figured it out. Obviously, makes sense now. Spoiler alert. Yeah. And and then this was actually a really weird time in our lives. My dad was, sick. We found out at this time when we were trying that my dad had cancer.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So it took us, seven months, which at the time felt like seven years. Like, it was just such an emotional roller coaster. And I remember, right before I got pregnant, I was sitting rocking my son to sleep looking out the window, and I just had this huge feeling like this full moon that's coming up the beginning of September is going to be huge. Just gonna be a big deal, and I don't know why. And then flash forward to that full moon, I'm rocking him to sleep, and all of a sudden, I got the feeling I'm pregnant. And the next morning, we got the call that my dad had passed away. Oh. So right away, I just said, okay. Obviously, I was off, and this is what the full moon was about, and I'm not pregnant. I'm just gonna push all of that aside. We're gonna stop trying and, just forget about it. But at the same time, like, right after I got the call and we're, like, rushing to get to the hospital to go say goodbye to his body, and I had this feeling in the back of my mind, like, there's still a chance you could be pregnant. So this mantra just popped into my head, and it was, if you know grief, you will know love. And I just kept saying over in my mind, if you know grief, you will know love. And it just felt like the way that I could protect this potential being from all of the emotional stress that I was about to go through. Mhmm. So then besides the mantra, I just completely put it out of my mind. And, a couple weeks after the funeral, I started thinking about taking a test. It was I didn't want to take a test. I didn't want another, like, disappointment, but I also felt like the world was just so many unknowns at this point. I just needed something for sure. So Totally. So I took the test, and I was pregnant. And the due date, that I calculated was that the baby was due to be born right on the week of my dad's birthday. Mhmm. So that felt really special. And, of course, all of the time that we're trying to conceive, I kept thinking, you know, there's a big plan and there's a timeline here. I just can't figure it out, of course. So that felt really good after just knowing that, you know, it's obviously, these dates just line up for a reason. And then yeah. So the pregnancy was hard. It was, like, kinda similar to my son's pregnancy, but times ten. I was vomiting every day, and everything just felt really challenging. But it was during the pandemic, and I was working from home for a lot of it. Everything was about isolation, and I was really happy about that at the time. I just kept to myself, and it felt so good to be at home.
Speaker 2
And how old is your son at this point?
Speaker 3
He is two. He's just over two. Yeah. He just turned he was almost two and a half. He just turned three in, the end of July. So,
Speaker 2
So did the symptoms being so much more intense, like, ring any bells for you?
Speaker 3
I thought it was a girl, because they were similar, but just more. That's I just I just assumed it was a girl because, yeah, that's or just a different pregnancy. I knew that every pregnancy could be totally different. I just started eating meat again. I knew I was probably, like, nutritionally behind. There was a lot of things. I my dad had just died. I was stressed. You know? Totally.
Speaker 2
COVID.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I was isolated. It was just yeah. I I didn't think anything of it. I was just trying to get through each day. I was definitely happy to be home. Yeah. And then towards the end was the most challenging of all. I never felt, like, I never felt huge.
Speaker 2
Right. I was gonna say, I mean, obviously, I haven't met you in person, but I saw your pregnancy photos, and I was shocked once we all knew it was twins. I went back and looked and was like, damn. Her she really just had a kind of average size belly, it seemed like. And you seem like a smaller frame, so I would think that twins would hold, like, big on you. But
Speaker 3
Yeah. I'm pretty small. I got a lot of comments on how big I was, and I was very offended by all of them because I just thought I'm not that big. And I was, I didn't have any care at all this time. So I was measuring myself just kind of for fun every once in a while, and I was on track with everything. Even my weight gain was all similar to my first pregnancy until the end.
Speaker 2
This is this is gonna fuck so many women up.
Speaker 3
I know. We get in their heads now.
Speaker 2
Oh, it's funny. They're like, wait a minute. What?
Speaker 3
I love it.
Speaker 2
You never know, ladies.
Speaker 3
Obviously, I didn't feel two babies either. There was a ton of movement, and I could see a lot of flopping around on the top, but I always felt three distinct bumps. And I just thought head, butt, and back. Like, that's what I thought I was feeling in, like, kind of an l shape.
Speaker 2
But plus, the sneaky ones can be behind.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Right? Like, one could be hanging out in the more the the area that you would palpate.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I also had a pain scope, which I was using for fun. And I heard, like, heartbeats all over the place. So I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing here. Am I hearing my heartbeat? Am I hearing a placenta? I don't know what I'm hearing, so I just gave up on that.
Speaker 2
Gotcha.
Speaker 3
And I think I kind of think that my placenta was towards the right side and that the first baby was they were definitely sideways. And so the first one, the feet would have been into the placenta, which is why I never felt any of those kicks. I'm just assuming all of this, but that's kind of what it like, even when I look back at the videos now, I can see that there's a baby on top. Mhmm. I have to play it out. But, so I only felt, really big. Or just after, like, thirty ish weeks, I felt I felt big. But then it it kind of, like, leveled off after that. Like, I never got even bigger or bigger, so I just assumed, like, okay. They had a growth spurt, and now I'm everything's cool.
Speaker 2
Okay. So I have to ask.
Speaker 3
Yes.
Speaker 2
For real? Did it ever cross your mind? Because I have a running theory that you could either prove or disprove now because you and I have never talked about this. But I have a running theory that I've only known three three or three women no. Four women. Now you included four women who had surprise twins and like, that I personally knew. And those four, the the unilateral like, the common denominator between them is they didn't consider twins. Well, actually, I don't know that about you yet. The other three didn't they it just didn't occur to them that there would be two, and so they didn't look for it. So my running theory is if you look for it, it's not that hard to actually find. It's that if you don't consider it, you know, it's like, dude, you don't even consider it as a possibility, then I could see how especially without a big old belly or something. Okay. So now you tell me what you think.
Speaker 3
Yeah. No. I'm gonna disprove you. I I have had a fear of having twins since I was ten years old. I definitely considered it. And thank god I had the weekly, prenatal circle, with Christina on the Freebird Society. It was my lifesaver. And I was complaining to these ladies the whole time. I'm like, people are telling me I'm too big and, you know, that I could be having twins, and I think they're crazy. And I don't know if you saw the comment on one of the threads on the membership. Someone said, I feel like I might have twins. And I commented, like, a couple hours before I had my babies and said, you know, I've been speculating this myself, and I keep having fears around it. But at the end of the day, when it comes down to what I really feel, there's only one. But then, like, fast forward, like, twelve hours, and then my next comment was, never mind, just said twins.
Speaker 2
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Speaker 3
Yes. Yeah. And And I don't know how much of that was my fear. Like, I just don't know why I have I've always had this I've manifested this in my life because I've always had a fear of having twins. Mhmm. But when I look back and reflect, like, everything was so perfectly laid out for me because if I had known during the pregnancy that I had twins, my whole story would have been different.
Speaker 2
Tell
Speaker 3
you. Genuinely depressed, first of all, because I did not want twins. Totally. And then all of these like, if you even Google the word twins, nothing to do with birth, there's, like, fifty pages of, risks and fears and danger and all this stuff Totally. In
Speaker 2
the face.
Speaker 3
I'm like, if I had even gone down that road, my whole life would be different right now. So everything was meant to. Like, I debated on seeing a midwife just once because I thought it would make the, birth certificate process easier.
Speaker 0
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
But every time I came to that, like, point in my pregnancy where I thought this will be it, I was like, why am I doing this? And so I never went. If I had done that, everything would have been different. Even my chiropractor, she's like, I feel so stupid that I didn't know. Like, how how did I not know? You know?
Speaker 2
Was she palpating?
Speaker 3
Yeah. And she was she was pointing out spots on my abs that were starting to, like, separate a bit and how I could breathe through that. And, yeah. And and I'm like, thank god you didn't know because
Speaker 2
you would've screwed me up. Mhmm.
Speaker 3
I couldn't know. That was just the stories that I could not know. Mhmm. So, yeah, I genuinely believed it was only one, but it definitely crossed my mind.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So then, the end of my pregnancy was really hard. I was having these sensations in my back. It was just, like, almost unbearable. And when I went to see the chiropractor that week, she said, like, you don't need to come back. There's nothing else I can do. You are so ready. Your sacrum is, like, flapping in the wind. You're wide open. And I was like, I know. This baby is coming any day. And this was, like, five days they were born five days before my dad's birthday. So I wasn't sure this whole time if they were, like, holding off or like, I knew my body was so ready. It was gonna happen any minute. And then the next day, I had my son with me all day, and he was extremely clingy. It was a really hard day. He just wanted to be carried everywhere. I felt like I I did all the work that the chiropractor had done.
Speaker 2
Totally. That's carrying three babies now on your body. Holy moly.
Speaker 3
Carrying him around everywhere, and the weight of my stomach like, I gained a ton more weight this time, but nothing on my body. It was all my stomach. Wow. That would have been an indicator right there, but I just never put two and two together.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
It was physically painful for me to roll over from one side to the other at night. I had to, like, lift my stomach.
Speaker 2
Right. Like, you, like, you telling me all of this if if I didn't you know, if you and I were talking and you were pregnant and you were telling me all of this stuff, I would say, it sounds like you have twins. Yeah. Like, you know, like, hear hearing hearing heartbeats everywhere. Like, everything you've said, ten times worse symptoms. But, yeah, it sounds like you were blissfully protected.
Speaker 3
Yes. Psychologically protective factor, and I'm so grateful for it. And that, like, no one ever had that conversation. Like, even, Christine from the circle, she was like, there was times where I thought, like, you know, you could be having twins, but she never said it. I'm like, I'm I'm glad you didn't because I'm just, I couldn't have entered that space. Mhmm. It would have thrown me off so much.
Speaker 2
That's a really valid and and significant point to pause on for a second because so many obviously, let me say it this way. Obviously, the mainstream move is to get a million ultrasounds, and the whole approach is know as much as we can to rule out as much as we can to be prepared for as much as we can. And there is a heavy, heavy, heavy psychological, spiritual cost to that, right, to over knowing. I think about, you know, how many women I have I've walked within the system who find out halfway through their pregnancy that their baby has clubbed feet or that their baby has a supposed marker for downs or that their baby has a supposed heart, you know, defect. I mean, on and on and on the long laundry list goes as we all know. And what does it really do for them? You know? It stresses them the f out hardcore. It medicalizes their pregnancy on a whole new level. It it hypermedicalizes their birth. Babies, like, already en route to NICU. And for what? Pretty much all of that stuff either corrected itself or you deal with it when the baby's out, like the clubbed feet, for example. Like, yeah, that that will need to get dealt with at some point. But or a baby, you know, missing a limb. I mean, just thinking of all the things I've seen where it's like, what are we gonna do about it? What we just gotta get the baby here. You know? And I think there's something so, yeah, spiritually protective to live in the what's that quote? If the if the womb was meant to be seen, it would have a window or something like that.
Speaker 3
Yeah. He's I don't
Speaker 2
know who said that. But, yeah.
Speaker 3
It's it's beautiful, beautiful, blissful not knowing. I just love it. Mhmm. And no one out like, I had ever told anyone in my family or anything that I was doing this. So I was completely isolating myself.
Speaker 2
And was your partner all in, or was there some stickiness there?
Speaker 3
No. He was all in. Well, I definitely said, like, you can be there or you cannot be there, and this is happening. So, but he didn't alright. Yeah. And he said, like, I trust you, and I support you. And that's all I needed. You know? And he didn't want anything to do with, like, watching the birth videos or learning about, the what ifs or anything. So I really didn't know when the time came how he was gonna be because, like, he he didn't you had no interest in that stuff. But then, of course, he was exactly what I needed. I told him the only thing he actually needed to know was the difference between me saying, oh, I can't do this and something's wrong. Mhmm. Right? And I said, you know very clearly the difference between those two, and that's all you need to know.
Speaker 2
Right. Which he already knew.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So that was all good. And then, yes. Yes. So I was having a really hard day. I was with my toddler carrying him around all day. He was whiny, and, he could feel this big adjustment was coming. And I was just so you know, I was dealing with a lot of emotional release at the end. And then the physical pain, I just it was hard. It was challenging. And then, that day, I had this really weird heart pain, And I could hear my heartbeat throughout my whole body, and I could feel, like, this pain as it was, like, pulsing. And I was like, man, I could be dying right now. Like, this is really intense, and it lasted for hours. I genuinely thought, like, do I need to go to the hospital? I'm literally, like feel like I'm minutes away from giving birth. If I go to the hospital right now, everything everything is gonna be ruined that I've worked so hard to avoid, and I don't think I can handle that. So I I just held off, whatever this weird sensation was. My husband finally got home from work and took my son away so I could just be quiet with myself. I started doing, like, a visualization, some green light around my heart and, like, some pink lights going to my baby and white light around me. And I just focused on that as hard as I could for, like, ten minutes, and the sensation went away.
Speaker 2
Nice.
Speaker 3
Magic. Okay. So that was definitely my final test of this pregnancy. Like, that felt like my final, like, can you surrender moment, and now I'm definitely gonna need birth. And, like, two hours later, I was climbing into bed, and I heard a huge pop and felt a huge pop. And I was like, that was strange. I think the baby literally just kicked me in the cervix, and then my waters floated all over the bed. And I was like, oh, okay. That was my last test. This is happening. So my husband came up and I said, okay. The baby's coming. Get some rest. I don't know, how long this is gonna be. But the whole time, I kind of had an idea that it would be three three hours. And my birth, I'm pretty sure, was three hours. And my mom always said that I came so fast that she was, like, shaking it out of control.
Speaker 2
So I
Speaker 3
said, okay. Well, I'm probably gonna rewrite that, and the same thing will happen, but I will be feeling in control. And, so but I didn't know what time. I just told him to get some rest, and then I put on my, affirmation track and longest track and just got into child's pose and, like, started to focus. And then, again, it was, just after ten, so the same time that I went into labor with my son.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
And then the contractions started, and I was going back and forth to the bathroom. I was trying to do that whole game where it's like you don't get in the tub too soon, but you wanna get in the tub. It's like, just get in the tub. So I was like, why am I doing this? I'm just gonna get in. But I had had a bath earlier that day, and I thought I didn't get enough time in there. I thought maybe I'll come in again in an hour. So we have, like, a huge jacuzzi tub.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I noticed that in the video. I was like, what kind of a tub is that? It's like
Speaker 3
this bathroom for me to give birth in. Like Oh
Speaker 2
my god. That's amazing.
Speaker 3
But so I just drained half of it, and I thought I'll get back in in, like, an hour, and I'll just fill the other half with hot water just, to save, like, filling the whole thing again. So I got in, and it was freezing cold.
Speaker 2
Yeah. I
Speaker 3
could not get hot water in there. I should have just emptied it, but I didn't. It was cold the whole time. I had hot water running constantly. It never got warm one bit, and it wasn't providing any relief. But I was in there, and I stayed in there.
Speaker 2
That's hilarious.
Speaker 3
Yeah. All those, like, practice baths where I'm, like, listening to my tracks and, like, all no. But I was in the tub anyways, and, I felt like after just a handful of contractions, I felt my body bearing down. And then I really accepted, like, okay. This is gonna be my three hour birth.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So I had to get in the right headspace as fast as I could.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So I just started thanking my body for every single contraction. I was, like, just in awe of the work that it was doing. I just kept saying thank you. Thank you for doing everything so perfectly, for knowing what to do. And then when I had a rest, I would say thank you for a rest. Like, thank you for a chance to breathe. I just kept that going.
Speaker 2
That's awesome.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It was and I had, you know, I had my eyes closed again, but, you know, obviously, there's no concept of time in birth. It it all felt like five minutes to me. But I
Speaker 2
also wanna say that that would have been an impossible task in the hospital.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Hundred percent. I think it's important for women listening. Like, that is so profoundly beautiful that you had access to the internal resources within you to call on appreciation and gratitude for what your body and your babies were doing. I mean, that's so huge. And talk about, like, a quick way to get into this mindset that you're calling in, and it would literally I I can't imagine how it could have been done while people are asking you a million questions and fingering you and and forcing you in different ways and humiliating you. Like, it it wouldn't it's literally not possible because you can't be in a state of gratitude while that's happening. Yeah. You know?
Speaker 3
I couldn't even I couldn't even be in a state of focusing on my breath when that was happening.
Speaker 2
Exactly. You have to disembody. Like, you have to disassociate in this. Disassociate in those.
Speaker 3
Use the front of your brain, but also don't use the front of your brain. It just doesn't
Speaker 2
Yeah. I love it. I love you, like, knowing to do that and and being willing to do that and just how magical it is when we can call that in. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3
So cool. Like, the gratitude really helped me get in that space as fast as possible.
Speaker 2
Totally.
Speaker 3
And then the other thing I was doing was, like, asking myself, are you really feeling pain, or is it just intensity? And when I could stop, quiet down and ask the question, I could say no, it's just intensity. And it worked. Like, you know, I've heard the stories before of women saying, I didn't feel pain. And I'm like,
Speaker 2
what? Okay. Yeah. Totally.
Speaker 3
But while I was in the moment, I was able to ask myself genuinely, like, what is this your feeling? And it was not pain. It was intensity. Yeah. So then, my husband at some point came in with my son, and I actually didn't know they were in the room. They were just sitting there silently watching me. Until my son sneezed at one point, and I was like, oh, wow. They're in there. And, you know, he was, like, completely quiet this entire time. You know, he would put a hand on my arm, but he never said a word.
Speaker 2
He saved it all.
Speaker 3
He saved it all. He was on a birth high after. Yeah. But we'll get to that. But I think it's like a lot of people were commenting on that, and I just think, like, during that whole first part, like, he he I didn't even know he was in there. Like, he That's
Speaker 2
so cool.
Speaker 3
Respectful of the space and, like, didn't wanna interfere and probably half asleep. Mhmm. And I knew that he would only wake up if it was meant to be. Like, I just knew that would be the thing. So, I wanted to catch the baby on my own, but the water was freezing cold. So I ended up having to stick my butt up out of the water at the last minute, and her head was coming down so fast. I was like I felt down, which was magical. Felt her head coming, and then I started saying to her like, slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Like, I feel you just just flying out of me, and it's, like, too much. And then that's the only part where I was like, okay. This like, I could I could call this pain, like, her head coming out. And then her head was already out, and I said to my husband, Kyle, did you start the video? Because I really wanted a video of this. I don't know. I quickly got into that front of my brain again for a second. And so he turned it on, and then I said, you're gonna have to catch because I need to lift my butt out of this freezing cold water. So he jumped in and he was, like, shocked that the head was already out. Like, this was happening so fast. And then there was, like, a long, like, several minutes before the body actually came out. So this whole time, I started answering questions. For the rest of the birth, I was answering questions without actually knowing. Like, I was in my primal brain at this point. I just answered, and I didn't actually know. Like, he's like, do I have time to get Dawson? I'm like, yep. I have no idea. The body could fly out any minute, but sure. And then she came out, and, he passed her to me. And my son got to check that he had a sister, and we were just all completely overjoyed.
Speaker 2
In your freezing tub.
Speaker 3
I freeze in cold tub.
Speaker 2
That's the funniest part of this whole story.
Speaker 3
And then I there was, like, a rest period. We were all just, like, soaking her in and everything, and then, I started to feel contractions again. And in my head, I was like, yes. This placenta is coming quick. Oh my god. Back in the end. We're all gonna be sleeping. It's gonna be great.
Speaker 2
Okay. And
Speaker 3
then it's funny because, like, in the video, you can tell. Like, there's twenty minutes between the two of them, and you can clearly see that I'm still in labor. But because I was in labor land and there was no time, like, even even my husband, we both genuinely thought before we watched the video that that was five minutes, that they were five minutes apart. And we were telling people they were born five minutes apart. So even though you can see that I'm in labor, that never like, there was no thought process there. I thought it was five minutes and the placenta was coming, and that was that. And then, at one point, I think I started to feel, and it felt kind of hard. And I said to my husband, like, can you check? Like, is this placenta coming? But because she was in the sack, he just saw, like, a weird sacky thing, and he said, yeah. It's placenta.
Speaker 2
Totally.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And then, he kinda fell too and went, that's really hard. And there was no thought. Like, I never never crossed my mind that there was even another baby coming at this point. Oh my god. But I was also not afraid that there was something hard coming out of me, which is very strange. And then she literally flew out. And this whole time, my son's going on in the background saying, you know, we could be having two babies. Maybe we're having two sisters, and we're just, like, completely ignoring him. Still That's part
Speaker 2
of the video is you going you, like, think you're about to birth the placenta. You're in your land, and he's, you know, jabbering behind you. And he he said he presents it in the video as the first as an idea, and you're like, I don't want two babies. And you just said it's so calm and so matter of chance. It's amazing.
Speaker 3
I think that's the moment when I realized, like, oh, there's a chance this could be a second baby. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And what's with his already been out
Speaker 3
already at that point. I don't know.
Speaker 2
What's with your son's, like, insane intuition, like, psychic abilities? How did he even he's two years old in this video?
Speaker 3
Yeah. He would have been two and a half.
Speaker 2
Very impressive.
Speaker 3
Oh, he knows more about birth than most adults. So he was like, mom, where's the placenta? And, like Oh
Speaker 2
my god. So cute.
Speaker 3
So cute. And, yeah, I completely ignored him until the point where she was actually out, and then I was like, oh, okay. And then my husband basically said, it's another baby. I was like, okay. Are they okay? She was in the sack.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 3
But I needed a minute at this point. Like, I couldn't turn around yet. I just needed to, like, gather myself, so I just said, is she okay? And he said, she's in the sack. Is she okay in the sack? And I said, she's fine. And I just took my time to, like, take a breath and gather my strength, and then I turned around and ripped it off of her face.
Speaker 2
With one hand. Wait. Because you're holding the other baby.
Speaker 3
Yes. I'm holding the baby this entire time. And I have it's very strange. I have no memory of seeing her in her sack. Because, like, if I saw that in a video, I'd be like, that is so cool. But with my own eyes, I have no memory of seeing that. I just have a memory of pulling it over.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
I wasn't even sure if she was fully in it. After birth, or if there was just, like, a piece over her face until I watched the video. But at that point, I was just, like, fully in it. Like, ripped it off, grabbed her. And then I think it was, like, thirty seconds later, and I was like, I gotta get out of this tub. This is pretty cool. My poor babies were, like, hanging in the tub. They both cried right away. And I noticed when the first one was born, her cord was, like, already white when she came out. I thought that was interesting. Didn't know there was a whole other baby still connected to the placenta. So Right.
Speaker 2
Oh, so they shared a placenta. Uh-huh.
Speaker 3
Which I also didn't know, and I actually knew nothing about twins at all.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
I thought I just assumed there would be two placentas. So then, we scooted over to the bed, and, it took a long time for the placenta to come. Like, it was, like, three, three and a half hours at least. Yeah. And I think, you know, now, like, that I've had a time chance to reflect, I think that was an important time for me to, like, somewhere in my brain, figure out what was going on.
Speaker 2
Totally.
Speaker 3
But at the time, I just felt like I can't tend to these girls until I get this thing out of me. Like, it's all I could focus on. Mhmm. And they just laid there the entire time. They never cried or anything. They were just, like, chilling. And I was, like, pulling on the cord. I was, like, doing all these things. I was, like, I gotta get this out, like, now. It was so much work. It was man, I was just so ready to be done at that point. And I was doing, like, chanting release, and I was in the deep squats and all these different things. And I was giving them kisses, like, just trying to get the oxygen flowing. I didn't breastfeed. I just felt like I couldn't handle them yet. I just needed to be with.
Speaker 2
That's a big placenta. You're you're
Speaker 0
It is huge.
Speaker 2
To detach too, which, of course, you can.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I bet that was big. Ugh. And I thought there was gonna be two of them. So then when it finally did come out, I was like, woah. That thing's big.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
So my my husband and my son both went to go pee, and this was at, like, five or just at five thirty in the morning or something, and it just fell out. I was like, So all those stories I've heard about really needing privacy, like, I just assumed that wasn't true because Mhmm. But I do think I needed that time, somewhere for my brain to, like, process as well. But we never got into, like, shock mode where we're like, woah. We had to like, we were just it was exactly like the video. It stayed that way. And we just realized what it was. So then after, I was like, okay. I need a shower. Bit of a mess going on here. So I went showered, came back, crawled into bed with them. And then, like, it was morning at this point, so we didn't sleep. But, my son left for the day. He wanted to leave to go to his, grandparents' house, so it worked out well.
Speaker 2
Did did you not nurse the babies until after the placenta?
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
Wow. So for, like, hours.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Which is so funny. Whatever?
Speaker 3
They were so fine. And I was, like, you know, the golden hour and how important it is, and I wanna breastfeed right away, and I wanna breastfeed to help the person. Like, I had all of that in mind and just didn't happen. And everything was still totally fine.
Speaker 2
But, I mean, you still you still had your golden hour. Like, you you don't have to nurse. You know? Like, you still had a protected, dark, private, supported space. You still were bonding with them even if you weren't, like, you know, doing the whole, like, oh, I'm staring at you and I'm smelling everything and we're nursing. You're still in it in the kind of birth that you had. You know?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. I felt I still felt like everything went perfectly. I just it at the time, like, I thought that was gonna be really important to me to breastfeed right away. And then in the moment, I just knew that it wasn't
Speaker 2
And then you had twins.
Speaker 3
Time. We're gonna figure this out.
Speaker 2
Oh, man. Wow. Okay. So and then so tell me about once the placenta's out, and I hope you have a picture of that. I would love to see it. Then I'm also really thinking about how beautifully adaptive it is that the second baby came out in the sack because so much of the fear around twins is malpositioning, you know, with the second baby, and just none of that matters really if they're in the sack. It's just so sweet and smart.
Speaker 3
Yeah. They were both I'm pretty sure they were both sunny side up because I didn't see, obviously, but my husband said that both of them were, facing the other way. And then as soon as I looked up twins after they were born, all I wanted to know was whether they might be identical or fraternal. Mhmm. And immediately, like I said, all these pages of just Yeah. Longering came up. And I started reading a couple days later, like, some of these, like, how to prepare for having twins things. Just I was just so curious how different it would have been if I knew.
Speaker 2
Totally.
Speaker 3
And it was going on about how, like, first of all, you're definitely gonna have a c section. But even if you have the first one vaginally, they could rush you into a c section because they
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah. It happens all the time.
Speaker 3
Puppy. Like, obviously, they're not both gonna be head down in my pelvis. Like, we gotta give the other one some time to get there. You know? And and it worked perfectly. Like and even if they weren't head down, I was gonna be totally fine with that too. But Yeah. Yeah. It just happened. They knew exactly what they were doing. And
Speaker 2
So have you been able to figure out if they're identical yet?
Speaker 3
Yeah. So the grand census is that they are consensus is that they are. But, apparently, the only way to really, truly find out is with a test, which I don't care to get. Well, they look identical, and they shared one placenta. So people said they're identical.
Speaker 2
So Like, can you tell them apart?
Speaker 3
I can tell them apart. But at the beginning, it was, like, a huge thing. I was like, one of them had, like, some blood or something on the forehead, and I didn't bathe them for a long time. And I was like, k. We're gonna leave that marking there because this is it. I could mix them up, and they didn't even have names for, like
Speaker 2
I would fully mark one.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Oh, so, we did a cord burning ceremony when my son got home that night, and their cords were tied differently. So that was, like, our indicator for the first little while. Mhmm. And then we got them little anklets. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Totally. Oh my gosh. Okay. I wanna hear about breastfeeding twins and what what is that like and what was it like in the very beginning and yeah. I mean, all of it. Immediate postpartum. What is those first couple weeks of, like, integrating this new reality, telling everyone just what what are those first couple weeks like?
Speaker 3
Telling everyone was awesome because not only did I get to tell them that I just had surprise twins, but that I also did it on my own. And guess what? I was never part of the system. It was a lot. At that point, thankfully, I was just, like, so in my power that I was ready for whatever reactions came, and they were all good. So that was really nice. I stayed in bed. Breastfeeding, you know, it was challenging in the beginning, just the initial, like, tenderness, and I couldn't, tandem feed them at the beginning because their little heads are so small, and I would be, like, choking them. And, so that was a lot, trying to figure that out and figure out different positions. And then I had a little, like, mastitis situation going on. And, but we got through it. I always say, like, those six weeks, if you can get through those first six weeks, like, things are going well.
Speaker 2
Yeah. You've been initiated.
Speaker 3
Yeah. You'll probably figure out every, like, trial and tribulation during that time. And now, of course, it's just it's amazing. And I use, like, the affirmations that I listened to while I was pregnant helped change the way that I think because I listened to them with both pregnancies every single night as I fell asleep. So in my early postpartum, I was able to use that and just start self talking my own affirmations. Like, there is no need to fear. I have enough milk for both. Everything you know, my body is working well. Like, if I can trust birth, I can trust my postpartum body as well. Mhmm. So that was really helpful. And I feel like the healing is it's felt very long and slow. And integrating as well, like, I feel so blessed, and they're both just absolutely amazing. They're perfect babies. But I still think all the time, like, hey. This situation right now that I'm in would be a lot easier if I had one baby every day. I'm home with, you know, my son and the two babies, and, we figure it out. You know, moments are a lot. We ebb and flow with it, but I just try and see it all as beautiful. And I know that I, you know, I don't think we're given anything we can't handle and, definitely try and keep that kind of mindset, like, with the affirmations where I just really focus on all of the the good and the trust and, yeah, and trusting my babies has been a huge difference too. Just from the the way that this birth went, like, I fully trust those two girls. All of the things that might have been problems before, they're not problems because I just have full trust. And I just feel like to bring daughters into the world that way is just so, like, so powerful. It just makes me smile.
Speaker 2
Totally. Me too. Beautiful.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Wow. It's
Speaker 2
kinda nice that your son was so young to integrate it too because this is just, like, his reality.
Speaker 3
And, I mean, he obviously had to go through his huge adjustment at the beginning. Like, he wanted nothing to do with me for the first two weeks. Oh. Totally you know, it was hard to take from being with him twenty four seven, but it also worked really well because it gave me that space. And then, you know, I started reading up on how horrible, horrible in air quotes, twin pregnancies are. And I just I'm still not over it, like, getting ultrasounds every week and all kinds of crazy things. And because I didn't know that I was pregnant with twins like, yes, my pregnancy was hard, but it wasn't as hard as they're making it out to be with all these horror stories. Like, the only other thing I forgot to add about my pregnancy was that I did put myself on a bit of bed rest towards the end. I started losing my mucus plug, which I knew was not a problem. But intuitively, I felt I'm losing my mucus plug because I'm doing too much, and I need to just rest.
Speaker 2
How early?
Speaker 3
It's all jumbled in my mind now. Like, it was very early thirty the thirties weeks, but early on. I have it all written out. I journaled the school. I haven't even gone back and read any of it yet.
Speaker 2
But And then you birthed right before forty?
Speaker 3
Yeah. So I was, just a couple days shy of thirty nine weeks.
Speaker 2
Okay. And thirty
Speaker 3
eight and five, I think.
Speaker 2
And what were your baby's weights roughly?
Speaker 3
Six and six and a half, and they were both nineteen. Like, the same measurements as my my son was seven pounds nineteen inches. So Amazing. Like, yeah, it's wild. I really didn't feel that much bigger than I was with him. Obviously, I was a bit bigger, but I just the fact that both of them were in there that size, I'm like, how?
Speaker 2
I know.
Speaker 3
Just wild.
Speaker 2
I mean, we do that with one baby, much less too. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. Amazing. The body is amazing.
Speaker 2
It is amazing. Yeah. And you're amazing. And we just need more stories like this. You know, so many as you know, so many twin moms are just, like, facing down the tunnel of surgery that they don't really think that they necessarily need. Mhmm. I mean, you'd be recovering from surgery right now. Ugh. No. Brutal.
Speaker 3
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2
And then to care for two littles and a toddler. Yeah. Wow. I love your story. Well, thank you. Thank you so much for being willing to share it and for the beautiful video in the tub and, you know, anyone can go find that on my page if you wanna see it. And, yeah, I appreciate you sharing.
Speaker 3
For having me. This is, like, full circle for me from listening
Speaker 0
to
Speaker 3
podcast and, like, trying to, like, manifest that maybe one day that'll be me, and here we are.
Speaker 2
So That's awesome. I love that. It's so cool. Yeah. So many of of the interviews from season five are women who who had found the podcast and envision held the vision of being on it, and so amazing that we are all coming full circle in such big ways. Beautiful. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3
Thank you.
Speaker 2
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching. Learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on free birth society dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise and the revolution starts inside each of us. I'll leave you with our Freebird Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension, I will fly and bring her back from the star.
