Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild, I'm good. Into the wild, I'm here. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom check since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Imagine a land where women and girls run wild and free, where we're supported to feel, encouraged to express, and where we experience true collective healing. A place where we can play, laugh, and howl under the moon. Here, you can let your guard down and come back to the essence of wild womanhood. Your nervous system finally able to relax in the total absence of men and the total presence of sisterhood. Women call this the magic place. And as female only spaces continue to dwindle, securing land of my own for women's festivals has been a lifelong dream come to fruition. So I'm thrilled to announce and invite you to the second annual Matriarch Rising Festival that will take place here in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, June nineteenth through the twenty fourth. This is an exclusive wild woman's summer solstice gathering, a week of dancing, nude sunbathing, communing with the elements, singing, and falling in love with what it means to be alive as a woman. Tickets are officially on sale and they will sell out, so head over to matriarch rising festival dot com for all the details and to get your ticket. Can't wait to see you there. After a fiery and fast initiation into motherhood, Christine dove into everything birth and enrolls in the first round of the Radical Birthkeeper School. Today, she tells us her story of a lifetime of manifesting her motherhood, practicing living in trust, and having the peaceful, casual Friday afternoon free free birth with her second son. That was everything she wanted.
Speaker 3
Hi. Hey. I feel like this is a long time coming in some some respects. Excited to have you here and hear the full details. You know, I feel like I kinda know your story, obviously, because I know you, but to hear the all the tiny little details of your journey. So, yeah, kick us off wherever you wanna start with your initiation into motherhood. Yeah.
Speaker 4
I'd love to start with my journey into manifesting motherhood, which I sort of accidentally did. I've known I'm I wanted to be a mother forever. I mean, I was always a nanny, and then I'd always be like, oh, yeah. These are my kids. Then, like, embody the mother. But I used to do this new moon practice of, writing out my dream life as if it were current. And I went back and looked through all these writings after I had had Jasper. And every single one of them, the main focus was being a mother. And I didn't even realize that until looking back at it all, but it was always so focused on motherhood and then my life partner. And little did I know was that going to manifest so quickly after that, and it all worked out amazingly. But when I met my partner in Australia, I well, before that, I saw this vision of me and a man and then, like, a baby, a barefoot, half naked baby sitting on a blanket, and that was a vision. And then when I met Jake, I was nannying for my yoga teacher, and there was this moment where we were both sitting on this blanket and the baby that we were that I was nannying was sitting there with us half naked, barefoot. I was like, oh my god. Wait.
Speaker 5
This is
Speaker 4
the vision. And then now, you know, we have two barefoot naked babies and we same thing. It's the vision. It just, you know Mhmm. Kept jumping to reality. So I found myself pregnant in Australia seven months after meeting Jake. And
Speaker 3
I did not know that it was that fast.
Speaker 4
Yeah. It was fast.
Speaker 3
Woah. Yeah. But it was it was, like, on from the beginning?
Speaker 4
Totally. Yeah. I mean, I saw that vision when I first met him. And the thing we say is that everyone should move into a small of a space as possible with their partner that they think is the one to see if it actually is because I moved into his van, and it was perfect. Like, we got a little amazingly. So
Speaker 3
That's what I never understood with relationships where they're, like, taking it slow and, like, they don't wanna move in together. It's like, you may as well because it's not gonna weirdly be better in, like, a couple years. Like, however it is is how it's gonna be. Yeah. Johnny and I moved in, oh my god, very soon, like, five weeks or something. And that was our thinking. I was like, yeah. Yeah. Our agreement was he'll move out whenever we stop having fun.
Speaker 4
Still with you.
Speaker 3
Okay. So you're just, like, kicking it in his van, going all in, and the pregnancy is welcomed and and a joyous reception, or is it, like, holy guacamole?
Speaker 4
So the the week before we conceived, which we didn't know it was that soon until hindsight, but, the week before we conceived, we were walking on the beach, and I was scarcely tracking my cycle, and we were it wasn't very, you know, responsible if we really didn't care. But clearly, we yeah. But looking back, we had this very important conversation a week before conception where we said, like, you know, if the universe wants us to have a baby, it doesn't matter if I'm on birth control or not. If I was on birth control and the universe wanted us to have a baby, it would still come. And if if I wasn't meant to have a baby, no matter how hard we tried, it wouldn't happen. You know? Like, we we really just believed that no matter what was supposed to happen would happen. And it happened immediately after that conversation of just sort of opening the door a little bit, and that was almost exactly a week after that conversation.
Speaker 3
How did how did you discover you were pregnant? What what's, like, the story there?
Speaker 4
I felt implantation and so did Jake. My my uterus was twitching. It was probably, like, it was a few days after we had just this moment where I I I was like, if we didn't just make a baby, then I don't know what that was. So I kinda knew in that moment, but then my uterus was twitching, and I grabbed Jake's hand and was like, feel this. What is that? And it was it felt like something was burrowing. And he's like, what is that? And I was like, I don't know. So I think I knew in that moment, but didn't allow myself to. And then every day, I'd wake up feeling like I was microdosing LSD or something. And so that was another reason I knew, and I'd wake up just super hungry. And it was after that I I pretty much knew that I was pregnant. And then I took this is a whole long story, but I took a pregnancy test the day before Jake went to do his visa interview for the US, and we had no idea we would be pregnant. We just wanted to come here anyway. And so then I ended up going to the doctor the day of his visa interview when he got back and basically, yeah, found out I was pregnant on that day. And that was I
Speaker 3
cannot I cannot picture you going to the doctor. I know. Yeah. I can't see that in my head.
Speaker 4
Yep. There's a lot of that in this pregnancy. Really? I had two ultrasounds because I was I was bleeding. This is why I went to the doctor. I was bleeding and I had a lot of pain, in my what felt like, you know, where my ovaries kind of are. I think that pain was from a UTI, but the bleeding kept happening, and I was nervous about ectopic pregnancy. So I did get an ultrasound transvaginal, which was absolutely horrible with a UTI, and they made me keep my bladder full the whole time. Like, that's not good. Yeah. And then I kept bleeding after that ultrasound, and I was still scared. So I was like, give me another ultrasound. So I had two ultrasounds before seven weeks and then none after that. Yeah. But I was seeing this random general practitioner in Australia because I didn't obviously have a doctor there, and I wasn't we were about to leave the country, so I wasn't gonna try and establish something with someone else. I had all the symptoms of anemia, you know, textbook symptoms of anemia, which I didn't really realize. And I have been vegan for three years before getting pregnant, And I was just feeling so sick. I couldn't stand for more than five minutes without feeling like I was gonna pass out. Maybe more than that, like, two minutes. That smelled good. Yeah. And I felt like I was gonna blackout all the time. Oh, god. Heart palpitations. And so I went in and told them this, and the only thing they really heard, I think, was the heart palpitations. And they did an EKG on me Woah. And didn't do anything else. They had done blood tests before, but none of them relating to iron. And they sent me home saying, like, oh, it's just a pregnancy thing. You're just, you know, whatever. Yeah. And that day, oh, I wanted to go to the pharmacist or the pharmacy to get an iron supplement because I looked up all my symptoms. I was like, oh, yeah. It's it's anemia. Obviously, I just need an iron, something to boost my iron. And then I saw that they had iron tests there. So I just got my finger pricked, and they're like, oh, yeah. That's real low. So I was like, okay. I went to this general practitioner. He knows he knows I'm vegan. He knows I'm pregnant. He knows all these these symptoms I'm having, and he didn't even consider that it could be anemia. And I was like, that
Speaker 3
only makes way more money off the referral for the EKG, Christine.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yep. Of course,
Speaker 3
you have to go to worst case scenario.
Speaker 4
That was my first sign into
Speaker 3
Totally.
Speaker 4
Trust yourself. I mean, it wasn't my first in my life, but in this pregnancy, you know, it was like, okay. I know my body best. That was the first little snippet of that. I thought it was hilarious though that some random woman at the pharmacy could tell me. And yeah. And then we moved to America. Friends and family were sort of scaring me into the idea that I could potentially have a kidney infection because I mentioned I had a UTI for so long. This I had this UTI that wouldn't go away. Other side note, that doctor gave me antibiotics for this UTI, and I did take them because he was like, oh, it's really dangerous for you to have a UTI for too long, kidney infection, blah blah blah. And then he kept prescribing me the same, antibiotic over and over again that wasn't making it go away.
Speaker 3
So
Speaker 4
that was another sign of, like, like, no. I'm not taking these antibiotics that aren't doing anything, and, clearly, you don't even care because you're just this isn't working, and you're not helping me find a different solution. So then I saw an OB in Chicago because I was scared of this kidney infection. That's all I was there for. I was not at all planning to have him be a part of any of my care, let alone my birth. And it was just this last minute appointment, the soonest one I could get. And it was this old man who, yeah, didn't even introduce himself or anything. I'm pretty sure, no. I had my clothes on when I met him, but I think he asked me to take them off, and I did. Sort of my brain shut down, you know, when you're in there. And he he tapped my kidneys as soon as I got there and was like, did that hurt? And I said, no. And he said, okay. No kidney infection. And right then, I should have been like, okay. Goodbye. But then he went into, you know, like, when you give birth, blah blah blah. We're gonna have this many appointments. And I didn't say anything, but I just wasn't I was planning on not ever coming back. And then he did an internal exam without even really telling me.
Speaker 3
The what?
Speaker 4
He didn't even warn me. Like, maybe he was doing, like, a external exam and then just kinda
Speaker 3
Shut up. About it.
Speaker 4
What?
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Yeah. And Jake was in there to in the room too, and it was just, it was horrible. And I left there just
Speaker 3
Gross. Oh. Oh my god. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4
So violated, and I had no idea he was gonna do that. Like, I literally just went there to see if I had a kidney infection. Well, this is what happens.
Speaker 3
And then before you know it, you're naked getting finger banged by a pervert perverted old dude. Totally. And you fucking paid him for
Speaker 4
it. Mhmm.
Speaker 3
You know? Like Mhmm. I know. This is women are in this position all the time, every day. This is rape culture. I used to work for a midwife who you know about the, like, proven pelvis? Do you know about this whole thing? Well, proven pelvis, they they call it in the system. It's a disgusting term for once once you've had a vaginal birth. But there's this medical midwifery, kind of, like, trick where you do an internal exam, and there's a whole certain handshake to how you do it and how you rotate your hand. It's very disgusting. And you do it to tell the woman how much space there is to so the midwife I used to work for had this, like, thing where she would do this, like, extravagant internal exam at some point in the pregnancy and then be like, you're so wide you could birth a horse. It's like it's like the other end of the pendulum. You know? Like like, I'm sure she thought her intentions were empowering, but, like, holy fuck. Women are still getting raped by their provider, but now it's rooted in encouragement. Right?
Speaker 4
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like, the whole internal exam for prenatal care is so beyond because there's literally no purpose other than to finger a woman. Like, there's no actual it's proving nothing. It's doing nothing, and everyone fucking knows it. Okay. So you have, like, a weird beginning.
Speaker 4
So yeah. And then I ended up seeing a home birth midwife in Chicago because I didn't know if we'd be moving or not, and that was sort of whatever. And then we moved to Colorado, so then I found this midwife who I thought was just like Anna Mae Gaskin, which, you know, I wouldn't hire her either.
Speaker 3
But Right. She probably was.
Speaker 4
So she said she had been catching babies since seventy two, and I'm like, oh, yeah. That's grounds enough for me to hire you. And I was thirty four weeks when I moved here, so I just hired her because I wanted that security. And side note, like, yeah, Anna May Gaskins books are the reason why I had a home birth in the first place. Like, the just the birth stories in them, really. Mhmm. Totally.
Speaker 3
That's what inspired this podcast. Mhmm.
Speaker 5
You
Speaker 3
know, was those stories and being like, we need those stories, but free birth ones on a virtual space. Totally. Because those stories are everything. We would all gobble them up. Right?
Speaker 4
Totally. Yeah. So I found her, and there were so many red flags. Oh,
Speaker 3
no. A classic tale.
Speaker 4
Yeah. So I went to thirty eight weeks. And on thirty eight weeks, quote, on the dot, I went into labor super abruptly, we'll say. You know? I was just boom in labor. And since these licensed midwives want to know exactly, you know, how far apart your contractions are, how long they are so that they know if they can come or not, I was trying to time them with one of those apps, and they were just all over the place. They were, like, on top of each other, and they were all of a sudden just so strong. So I was texting her all these things, and she was telling me I was probably in prodromal labor and that I should just rest and all this stuff. I'm in the bathtub, like, moaning, and this is an hour after I started leaking fluid. And so I've heard from other women who have birthed with this midwife that she really needs to know that you're in labor before she comes. Like,
Speaker 5
she should
Speaker 4
not come if you tell her to unless she really thinks you're in labor. And she even told me, like, do not call me past nine PM unless, you know, you're deeply in labor.
Speaker 3
Right. Right. It's so gross. Like, what about if you were scared and needed to talk something out? Like, what about the whole point of why you ask a woman to walk with you?
Speaker 4
Yeah. And now being someone who is supporting women through this, like, those are the things that I wanna be a part of. You know?
Speaker 3
Of course.
Speaker 4
Foster, like, real connection with this woman who you are literally watching bring a baby into this world, and you need to be connected with that woman.
Speaker 3
And people need things at different times.
Speaker 4
Sometimes the
Speaker 3
start of labor is the scariest part where the woman needs the most reassurance and support. And then once they drop in, they're like, totally fine, and you're invisible. You know? I mean, you just you know, this whole thing is, like, trying to put it into a box that works for a business model, and it just it's bullshit.
Speaker 4
Yeah. So Jake wasn't even there for the first hour, hour and a half because I sent him off to get popsicles or something. And so this is when I was texting the midwife, whatever, and then Jake came home, and then I had him call her to come. And by the time she got there, I was already off. I was already gone into the ethers. So I barely I have these little snippets of seeing her, like, walking around, making the bed, and doing all these things. But, yeah, his labor felt like just one big contraction.
Speaker 3
How many hours was it total?
Speaker 4
I think four, four and a half What? At thirty eight weeks. So this midwife had she said she has never experienced this ever. So she was just blown away. Now she checked heart tones a few times, and I remember that just being so uncomfortable. And she might have checked me when she got there. I really don't remember. I started throwing up with every single contraction, which I think really accelerated things as well. It was crazy. And yeah.
Speaker 3
It sounds like a Ayahuasca journey. Yeah.
Speaker 4
It was I mean, I remember at one point, the whole last hour felt like transition the whole time. I remember the only thing I I could relate it to was a psychedelic trip and being like, okay. The only way out is through. You just have to keep going. Because I tried to lay down in bed and give up.
Speaker 3
Yeah. That
Speaker 4
didn't work. Didn't stop. Yeah. And then I was kneeling next to the bed on the floor, and I felt like I had to poop really bad. And I was like, I need to go. Like, we need to go to the bathroom. And she was like, no. That's probably the baby's head. I think she said, like, let's get you on the bed and check you. And I felt like I was
Speaker 3
Gross.
Speaker 4
A thing a little bit. And I felt comfortable there. Like, I was kneeling on the ground, leaning against the bed, about to push, and just I don't remember transitioning to the bed, but I know it happened, obviously. But they transitioned me, her and Jake somehow, like, transitioned me to the bed lying down, knee like, knees to chest, and she did the cervical lip.
Speaker 3
You know?
Speaker 4
Oh, let me just let me just move this little piece of cervix out of the way for you. And then, like, okay. You can push now. And I did have to push. And so she was she was sitting at my vaginal opening. I was lying back looking up at her basically. And I'm pretty sure she got her hands on my Yoni the whole time. You know, I started pushing, and he came out very fast. So she she was like, oh my gosh. That was amazing. Like, his head's already almost out. So that was really good to hear, but I didn't need it. You know? Like, I I wish she wasn't there in the first place. But in the moment, I was like, oh, really? Like, cool. It was reassuring to hear it. And then at one point, I remember her reaching for my hand, grabbing my hand, and putting it on his head emerging. And I was like, no. Like, what? I don't wanna touch his head. Like you know? And that was really weird. Like, she literally grabbed my hand and put it there.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
And I I know from my second birth, like, I had my hand there the whole time, but just her Totally. Grabbing it and putting it there, I was like, okay. And I was not I didn't wanna touch his head in that moment.
Speaker 3
But you're also I bet you when you were holding your Yoni with your second child, you also were not in a humiliating turtle on its shell upside down with every like, that's a very humiliating position. And then to, like, touch yourself, like of course not.
Speaker 4
And have someone else be like, this is your baby's head. You should touch it. It was that. And okay. This part I always forget about. And I side note. I took Jasper. This is my first born to craniosacral therapy two days ago, and we he's she's a birth integration therapist. So we went over his birth story and talked about things that were maybe violating to him. And this was the one that we really found to be the thing that maybe shows up in his behaviors right now. So licensed midwives, at least here in Colorado, need an assistant present, you know, unless it's like really impossible. So she had this woman come over, and since my birth was so fast, she came in as he was crowning. And the doorway to my bedroom is was, like, confronting the doorway of my yoni, of him coming out. So this woman who I've never met in my life, who obviously Jasper has never been around that energy in the womb, like, walked in as as he was making his big entrance into the world. And so he had stranger's eyes on him as soon as he came in. And, yeah, that's huge and a whole thing that I think he's unpacking right now. He's only almost two, but it's really obvious. So that was interesting. It was like, oh, hey. How's it going? Like, pushing my baby out right now. Nice to meet you.
Speaker 3
Gross.
Speaker 4
Yeah. And then on my chest, all that, placenta was ready to come out very soon after. And looking back, I know she pulled it out for me. She told me to give a little push. I was lying on my back, and it literally slid out without me even trying. I was too scared to push, so I barely, you know, maybe, like, did a little half assed contraction, but I know she pulled that out of me. Yeah. I I've been meaning to ask her for the records of my birth to see when the cord was cut. It was way too early, way too early. And that that's the most triggering part of my story for me was was that moment of her handing Jake the scissors and being like, here, cut the cord. And then me I remember just looking up at them, like, like, feeling helpless, like, wait. What? And that was something I never talked with her about before and didn't you know? But it shouldn't have been here, Jake, cut the cord. It should have been, are we ready to cut the cord? And I probably would have said no. But, yeah, I wish I had more time with them connected and then also more time with the placenta because we sent that off to get encapsulated that night. Woah. That was out of the house that night, which I would never ever do, or do to another woman. You know? So that's pretty much his birth.
Speaker 3
How long after his birth does it take you to start critiquing this and, yeah, like, working all that out?
Speaker 4
Probably a couple of months. Because after his his birth, I was so on fire. Just, like, even though that birth was sabotaged by a midwife, you know, in a lot of ways, it was so like I found my power after it because birth is that way, you know, and motherhood and coming into yourself. It was really amazing. And that's when I opened the doors to birth work and had signed up for a doula training and then the radical birth keeper school came out and I'm like, that way. Yeah. I I'm pretty sure it was listening to your podcast and hearing other women's stories and hearing the same stories as what happened and being like, oh, wait. Mhmm. Wait. I didn't like that. And no. Like, that didn't feel good. And no. Like, what effect did that have on my baby? And all these things. And I remember unpacking it. And I've heard this story on the podcast too from some woman of bringing this to my partner and being like, this wasn't right, and then being like, no, it was perfect. Like, how can you even say that? And it took him a very short time to be on the same page with me, just a little bit of me explaining things and him being like, oh, wait, wow, yeah, That is so true. And it was all very rapid after his birth. And, yeah, then just totally dove into all of it just so fast and so deep, sort of like how Jasper was born. That was his story. Like, their personalities really show in their births, and it's it's really beautiful to see that.
Speaker 3
So you take the school. You start questioning things. You get on the same page with your guy. And then how old is Jasper when you get pregnant again?
Speaker 4
He was seven or eight months, and that was during the school, and it was also right before my first birth attendance. So I remember attending this woman, like, just hanging around this woman who was really in the portal of birth for a week or two and feeling so tripped out and being like, woah, I really feel her psychedelic birth energy and then realizing that that was my perception energy. So That's funny. Yeah. We conceived our second child, Sequoia, on the Lions Gate portal eight eight, in twenty twenty. And that was an accidental manifestation accident accidental conscious conception. We were like, oh, let's just have another baby now. Wouldn't it be easier? Like, let's just let's just do it. And then two days later, we're like, wait. No. That's a really bad idea. We shouldn't do that. And I was already pregnant.
Speaker 3
No no take backs.
Speaker 4
Be careful what you wish for.
Speaker 3
I love that one of the thoughts was wouldn't it be easier?
Speaker 4
Yeah. I mean, we were planning to, like, move to Australia. So we're like, let's just have another baby here, and then we can move to Australia Mhmm. Where that one's born. And, yeah, so this was also right after I met the teacher that you introduced me to here in Colorado. So I was like, oh my God, I have a traditional midwife here. And I, from the beginning, I had no idea if I would, you know, what I would utilize her for in that regard of my own pregnancy and birth. Up until the day I gave birth, I had no idea. But I always envisioned myself having a free birth. So I knew pretty much, but I was like, but wait. I have the most amazing midwife here who I feel so safe and trusted with. Don't all women want this? And, like, I could utilize that. And it's just the option of having her that
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Made me feel so held.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
So
Speaker 3
And so why when it came down to the day, was there much, like, assessment, or was it just an obvious no? Like, why why didn't you want her there?
Speaker 4
Yeah. It was obvious. I was just like, yeah. I'm doing this a like, I just feel comfortable here with Jake alone and just I didn't want another energy in this space.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
We had Jasper, like, leave the space.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Because he was so little.
Speaker 4
Yeah. He was not even one and a half yet. Sixteen, seventeen months.
Speaker 3
Wow.
Speaker 4
And it was his nap time. It was he I gave birth after right after his nap would have ended and he hadn't napped. So it was just not really doable to the point of Mhmm. Jake being able to support me in the way that I wanted him to. And I would have rather had him leave and less people there than having someone else come in. Yeah. And then Jake would be able to support me, but then there's all the chaos. You know? Yeah. So his pregnancy was fun. It was just I was just pregnant, and that was it. And I did absolutely nothing. The only thing I did with, this traditional midwife was, like, I'd be like, oh, is this the head? And she'd be like, yeah. That's totally the head, and this is a femur, and here's all this. And she heard the heartbeat once on the fetoscope, but every time I went to, like, put them on, it it kinda went away. So I didn't even really feel called to hear the heartbeat or anything. And the the biggest part of that pregnancy was the prenatal circle that I started. And I started that before I was even pregnant and before I knew that I was going to be pregnant. So it was just a little surprise that I got the benefits of my own circle, but that was really fun. And now we have a group of women who are still connected after we've all had our babies too. Since I gave birth to Jasper at thirty eight weeks exactly, for some reason, I set my mental due date as thirty seven weeks. So then I got to thirty seven weeks, and I'm like, okay. I'm ready. Like, where's my baby? And I gave birth to him at thirty nine. I wanted to labor at thirty nine, almost. And so those last two weeks really felt like I was overdue. Mhmm. Women will roll their eyes at me who have gone to forty two or three, but it really felt like that. And
Speaker 3
Well, it proves that it's all rooted in expectation.
Speaker 4
Totally.
Speaker 3
If you've set an expectation for thirty seven, thirty nine feels really late. That's hilarious. I mean, but it proves the point. It's absurd that that people feel like, oh, you know, yeah, like, over it before the baby's born, really. I mean, I'm not saying I don't have compassion for it. It's hard. I I get it, but so much of it is rooted in thinking it should already be done.
Speaker 4
I mean, that's all it is.
Speaker 3
Exactly. I mean, I guess it could also be, like, physical comfort physical discomfort, like, but really at its core. And I get it. We're all programmed to this weird due date concept that we all know also is a scam, and yet people still use the word. Very strange.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah. So I I was in a lot of discomfort with with Jasper and Sequoia the last week and a half to two weeks. They just sit so low. Like, not all women experience this, but for me, the last week and a half is, like, I have a bowling ball between my legs, and, they both came out with very extreme cone heads too. So that was just them sitting so low in my pelvis just molding to it. But, yeah, I every single day, I was waiting and waiting and waiting. And every night, I'd wake up in the middle of the night like, oh, is it happening? And he'd kick my bladder, and I'd be like, oh, is that my, you know, water breaking?
Speaker 3
Was there much fear to contend with?
Speaker 4
Or was it None. I was pretty much sitting in a place of no fear. I mean, it crossed my mind of like, oh, what if this? What if that? But it very rarely, and nothing was contributed to that. Like, nothing
Speaker 3
Right.
Speaker 4
Was added to it.
Speaker 3
It's pretty it's a pretty sweet, like, setup too to have done, like, the RBK school, worked with a underground midwife, seen a bunch of normal births, be well supported. And, I mean, for better or worse, your first birth, the only fuckery that went down was the the midwife. It had nothing to do with you and baby. So
Speaker 4
Totally. So with Jasper's birth, my first one, towards the end of the pregnancy, all I could hear was, mom, I got this. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. And I that really happened. And during labor, I heard it too, and that's what he did. He just freaking came out, and I didn't have to do anything.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
So I I really was coming from a place of trust, and that's that's where I'm at with birth work of, you know, I will show up for you. I trust you. I trust your baby, and that's what it's all rooted in for me is that trust.
Speaker 5
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
Yeah. So I was in the bath listening to your podcast because it was a Friday, and I felt my first real contraction, quote, because I had been experiencing practice once. And I got super excited and told Jake, and I had him set up the whole place with the pool, and I didn't tell him to do this, but he set up twinkly lights and a tapestry and the salt lamp and, like, put my birth playlist on.
Speaker 3
Oh my god. Cute.
Speaker 4
And Jasper was running around getting so excited, and I was, like, pretty much naked besides my bra since Jasper was, you know, boob obsessed. And just, like, walking around with Jasper, and they were so far apart. And I was waiting for them to just be on top of each other like they were with Jasper, but they weren't. And they never got close together even to the end. And it from the start, I really wanted to be in water. So I got in the pool very early on. This birth was longer than my first, but so much more peaceful and so calm and slow. And so I was in the pool with Jasper for a while, which was fun. And we were really just playing because there was more time in between the contractions than the contractions were, which I it was such a new experience for me. Eventually, he got really tired, and so we asked a friend to come take him on a walk for us. And then Jake was able to come be with me, and at one point, I got on my phone and ordered food for delivery. And by the time I got there, I didn't want it. But I say I joke around that this was not an undisturbed birth because there was a man outside leaf blowing the entire
Speaker 3
time. No. Entire time. Annoying. Yeah.
Speaker 4
So that was my only complaint. But, like, I really can't call this birth painful. Honestly. Like, the contractions were I never wanna use the word easy, but
Speaker 3
Why not? I don't I
Speaker 4
don't know. I just feel like it's wrong. But because it's not it wasn't easy to do, but it was really doable. With Jasper's labor, it was all the energy was up and out and out of control and upward into the ethers. But with Sequoia's birth, I felt like I dove down into my uterus and was very much here in this plane. Not in the world, not up here. I was really present here in my home, and I remember staring at something. Every contraction, I would just focus on one thing. I I don't remember what I was looking at because I was in my uterus. Like, I was looking in my uterus.
Speaker 3
That's awesome.
Speaker 4
But looking forward, if that makes sense. Jake was like, what's happening? Like, are these contractions even real? Like, you're just so quiet. I was very quiet. In Jasper's birth, I was very loud. And, yeah, I remember there was one contraction where I could feel like I was gonna throw up on the next contraction. Like, I knew that was gonna happen. So then I shifted myself and got into a position where I could throw up. And I was in the pool the whole time for, like, six hours. And that next contraction, I did throw up. And once again, I expected to throw up for an hour straight because that was what happened with my first. But during this one, I didn't. I just threw up that one time. And then the next contraction was really big and intense. And I reached inside of me after that to see if I could feel his head, and I couldn't. And I was like, oh my god. Like, I'm not even close. I thought because I threw up, like he beat me soon. And then the next contraction came and his head dropped down and was crowning immediately. Like I didn't even try. He just dropped down on his own, you know, found his way and was emerging. And I I said, like, oh my god. The baby's here. Baby's here. And Jake ran over and turned the camera on and then ran back, and then I pushed the rest of his body out, and he was born. It was so casual. This birth was so casual. Like, I just call it the casual Friday afternoon birth. I remember I was holding him, and I looked down at him, and he was breathing and looking at me, but he wasn't making a peep. I was like,
Speaker 3
He's like, what's up, mom? You did good.
Speaker 4
I remember my my mammalian brain was so at peace and calm and was like, oh, my baby's here, and he's so healthy. And then my logical brain was like, why isn't he crying? Mhmm. And, yeah. And then I I told Jake to call Rosie, and I was like, wait. He's breathing, and he's smiling at me, but he's not crying. And she was like, he's just chill. I was like, oh, yeah. He's just chill. That's good. He's just chill. And, He
Speaker 3
was born in peace.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3
A lot of babies don't cry.
Speaker 4
Mhmm. Yeah. And that's the reason I shared my birth video was it was after you posted a birth video and got all this feedback of, like, oh my god. The baby didn't cry. What's wrong with it? And I was Oh, right. Right. Right. Of him not crying because it's it's normal when you're birthing in peace and undisturbed for them to just be born and just be happy.
Speaker 3
And sometimes they don't cry for days.
Speaker 4
Yeah. He didn't cry for the first, like, three hours or so. Yeah. And then I got out of the tub, and I was experiencing the worst contractions, worse than labor.
Speaker 3
And I
Speaker 4
was like, I need to get this placenta out right now. And, like, I noticed that some women's firewalks aren't the birth. You know? Like, sometimes it's the end of pregnancy. Sometimes it is birth. Sometimes it's for me, it was the placenta and then the days following with the afterpains.
Speaker 3
Brutal.
Speaker 4
We had Jasper come back right away because we got super excited. And then I found myself in more pain and not being able to move than I was in labor. Like, his labor was easy. His placenta and then the days after were the hard part for me. And, yeah, I wanted to get in bed. I just wanted to get in bed, and then that was way worse. I was experiencing contractions in my hips, so I couldn't move my legs. And I could feel the weight of the placenta in there, and, it was just brutal. And I I really wanted it out, but I didn't want to push it out. And I, you know, like, the the midwife pulled it out. So I was like, oh, yeah. The placenta, no problem. Like, I didn't even think about it because I was like, oh, yeah. It just plops right out. You don't even have to try. But and sometimes that might be the case. But for me, like, the midwife actually pulled it out and this midwife and this traditional midwife came over because Jake couldn't help me because Jasper was there. And so I had her come and she held sequoia and knelt on the bathroom floor while I squatted on the toilet. And I was holding the cord, and then, this was, like, the most significant moment of my birth, of this really peaceful song playing in the background. And then me being in the dark in the bathroom looking down at this woman who I really trust and know and love holding my baby and this cord, and I was holding it. And I just, like, took a few deep breaths and it, you know, I pushed it out. And that felt like the emergence. Totally. Like, that was the moment. And, unfortunately, in the days following, I felt like I couldn't really connect with him fully because I was in so much pain. Mhmm. But, yeah, that was his story. And that's what what ended up happening that his, like, his emergence was peaceful and painless. And yeah, I mean, it wasn't painless. It stung. I thought I tore open, like, front and back, but I didn't care at all. No. But, yeah, that was that was that. And it was so peaceful and casual and everything I wanted. What's it like with two small children? Oh my god. It is hard. I I look back on having just Jasper and laughing at myself for thinking that was hard.
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 4
I would do anything to be able to experience that ease, you know, of just having one. One. So, yeah, it's it's really hard.
Speaker 3
Dang.
Speaker 4
Because, you know, Jasper wasn't hard. Babies are you know, can be hard to deal with because it's it's a lot.
Speaker 3
But They're, yeah, they're people.
Speaker 4
Sequoia can fall asleep without me touching him. Like, he'll just sometimes I'll lay him on the bed and he'll fall asleep on his own. Like Chill. He is way chill. Nice. So that really helps. And, yeah, he sleeps really well at night, and I was I got very lucky to have him come through after Jasper.
Speaker 3
How, like, haggard and overwhelmed do you feel, if if any, with two littles? Like, do you feel like you have your, like, self back, or are you do you still feel pretty, like, open and blah?
Speaker 4
Yeah. Really roller coasters. I'm starting to feel more grounded now, four months later. But for a while, I felt very, very up and down and mostly out of control and just so overwhelmed. Yeah. I bet. On top of you know, I I get this, like, burst of motivated, inspired energy postpartum around, like, two months. And then I wanna, like, do all these things. And I try, and then I get really burnt out right away. So I did that a little bit. And then I took a step back and was like, okay. All you need to do right now is take care of your children and yourself. Just chill out and do that. Focus on that. Totally. That's what I am doing now.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Awesome.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Well, how can people find you if they're in Colorado or if they wanna follow you, learn more about what you're up to?
Speaker 4
Yeah. My Instagram is at blooming womb, and my website is also blooming womb dot com. So yeah.
Speaker 3
Awesome. Anything else you wanna add before we close?
Speaker 4
Everything I do, mother motherhood, birth work, just living my life, is in trust. And that that's all it takes is trust in yourself and trust in your baby and your body and other women too. You know? Like, surrounding yourself with other women and seeing, you know, seeing it all. So yeah.
Speaker 3
I love the image of her in the bathroom with you. I can really see it in my head. It's beautiful. That would be a really, like, sweet painting.
Speaker 4
Mhmm. Yeah. And the way she was just, like I don't know if her eyes were closed, but it was she was just fully holding space, like, one hundred percent holding space. And she wasn't there, you know, like, looking at my baby and Right. Oh my god. I love holding this baby. It was literally just breathing. She was just breathing.
Speaker 3
Totally.
Speaker 4
And it was everything
Speaker 2
that I needed. Awesome.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Love it.
Speaker 4
Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Thank you. It's nice to hear it in in completion. I feel like I was there. I could totally see it in my head.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Awesome. Thank you.
Speaker 0
Mhmm.
Speaker 2
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching. Learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on free birth society dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise and the revolution starts inside each of us. I'll leave you with our free birth society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 5
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our youngs to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons all your greater. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension, I will fly and bring her back to the star.
