Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild, I'm good. Into the wild, I'm here. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Imagine a land where women and girls run wild and free, where we're supported to feel, encouraged to express, and where we experience true collective healing. A place where we can play, laugh, and howl under the moon. Here, you can let your guard down and come back to the essence of wild womanhood. Your nervous system finally able to relax in the total absence of men and the total presence of sisterhood. Women call this the magic place. And as female only spaces continue to dwindle, securing land of my own for women's festivals has been a lifelong dream come to fruition. So I'm thrilled to announce and invite you to the second annual matriarch rising festival that will take place here in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, June nineteenth through the twenty fourth. This is an exclusive wild woman's summer solstice gathering, a week of dancing, nude sunbathing, communing with the elements, singing, and falling in love with what it means to be alive as a woman. Tickets are officially on sale, and they will sell out, so head over to matriarch rising festival dot com for all the details and to get your ticket. Can't wait to see you there. Today, Shayoun tells us the stories of the births of her two sons, her first in Ibiza, Spain with a male doctor in her home, and her second, a free birth in Bali. In this episode, Shayoun speaks of her experiences with typhoid during pregnancy, the healing powers of plant medicine, consistently clearing fear and stress from her birthing space, and how she experienced complete healing in her maternal line through remaining true to trusting in her body.
Speaker 3
Hi.
Speaker 0
Hello. Hello.
Speaker 3
Long awaited. I know.
Speaker 2
I'm really excited to hear the whole thing because, obviously, in our sessions, I heard your first birth story, which I'm excited for you to tell again, and then I'm so excited to hear every little detail that comes out today about this fresh little baby.
Speaker 3
I'm so excited and honored. Thank you for having me. Yeah. It's my pleasure.
Speaker 2
So I'm gonna pass it to you to just start wherever you wanna start with your mothering journey.
Speaker 3
Alright. Hello, my beautiful people. My name is Shayoun Mendeluk, and I am so honored to be here today. I found Emilee at the most perfect time right before my second child was born in Bali. But I have an almost four year old who I birthed in Ibiza in Spain, and that was one of the most beautiful moments of my entire life. You don't know that feeling until you've had the baby, and that's that's just it. You know, it's the greatest gift of all time, in my opinion. So I moved from Los Angeles to Ibiza to really seek out, a a place where we could build our healing center. And during that time, I was invited to a really, really beautiful, sacred, private Ayahuasca ceremony on the island. And it was sacred because at that time, it was just my husband, myself, and one of our dear friends. And usually, they were running ceremonies with, like, twenty, thirty people. Yeah. And the shaman said, you know, how about just bring them? And so I, you know, I have a great, great, deep respect for grandmother medicine, for any medicine, and I was really keen to sit. And this session of medicine changed my life forever, and I'll never forget it. So I went a little like this. We met on a beautiful starry night in Ibiza, and we're sitting under the stars for night one outside. And, yeah, it was really beautiful. And during that time, you know, you always get where you what you receive. Right? So that night, it wasn't in the stars for me to completely blast off into other dimensions. I was just present with the medicine, and I really became one with the solar system during that time. And it was really, really profound and beautiful experience. And then the night two, we sat inside by a fire, and that moment in time changed my life forever, and I was in deep prayer. And I remember a beautiful voice that said, mama, mama, I'm coming. I'm coming. And I opened my eyes. I looked around. Everyone's in prayer. Everyone's, you know, on their on their mat in three, four hours in to ceremony. And I was like, oh, this is epic. This is my my child that's, like, floating through the universe right now. And I I kept hearing his voice, mama, mama, and it got more faint and faint. And for some reason, I decided to yell at him because I knew it was a boy, and I was like, Aya. Had no idea that that was what I would name my child or why I was calling him that or never spoken about that name before. And I was calling for my child in in in that realm. And two weeks later, I was pregnant with Aya. And so the deep, profound messages, you know, I received during that time was, you know, your child is coming, came through medicine, came through, you know, wanting a deeper connection to God, came through. And I named him Maya because it means miracle and because the root of the plants the root of Ayahuasca. Right? The vine is Aya. And before that, I was told I would never get pregnant because of my horrible yeah. Because of my car accident. This is what my whole healing journey was about was because I got into a terrible car accident when I was, nineteen, and they told me I would never be able to have kids. So the news of that pregnancy was really irony knew that, you know, that was not my journey to not have a child because I got into a car accident. But the confirmation from God and from that, first medicine ceremony, you know, was just epic. And when when you're when you're in ceremony and things come to fruition just like that, wow. I just spoke to him two weeks ago in ceremony, and he's here. And he was here, and he was on his way. So I was already pregnant during that ceremony. And then I came across this beautiful couple who is who was doing home births on the island. And the doctor was a Buddhist who had gotten away from, Western medicine and was just teaching the art of birthing to women without all the fear. And so I really resonated with that. And I was actually around all these beautiful women in Ibiza who were just birthing at home. And to me, that was really foreign because in America, that's not how it works. Right? You have a business. It's the business of babies. And, of course, if you take birthing away from women and you make it a business, no one's gonna know what the true art of birthing really means. Right? Almost almost nowhere
Speaker 2
on the globe will you find the normal bean, like, in micro communities, but not in just, like, a town.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Absolutely. Well, I've you know, in in England, some of my, you know, my cousins spoke to me about midwifery and, you know, things like that, and it's more normal there to not have a hospital experience in some places. It's, yeah, it's pretty unheard of. So in Ibiza, it was completely different, and it made me so, curious. So I replaced my fear with curiosity, and I dove into the world of, okay. What does it look like to even have a baby at home? Not even close to thinking about free birthing. Just what is it like to have a baby at home. Right? And I was very grateful for those for for Angel and his wife who is my doula at that time because what he did was he said to us at the first meeting, you are delivering the baby. I'm just gonna teach you how. I'll be in the next room, but you and Alexander, you got this. Right? And I thought that was just so cool. I thought that was the most amazing thing, and I fully felt my power then. And I knew there was nothing in my being that needed to go to a hospital for any more checkups, nothing like that. I knew back then, which was four years ago, that almost five years ago that I could do this at home. I could do this on my own. I could do this, you know, without going to even get another scan. So I began to reprogram the program of you need to have checkups, you need to go get your blood work done, you need to have this pill, or you need, you know, all of the all of the programs. Right? And it was really cool to be able to surrender to my own body and say, you know what? I'm gonna listen to you. I don't need any of the other information because it does nothing but instill fear into me. So I train Alexander and I trained with him, and it was really beautiful. And we did a lot of holistic healing during that time as well. That prepped me at the birth. And through that process, I learned what lotus birthing was, and I learned about, you know, the consumption of your placenta. And I learned about things I would never have learned about before. I just fell in love with birthing. You know? And to have a strong partner and to have a partner who supports your every move was really important for me too. So that was really beautiful to see him come into his warrior mode of, okay. We got this. How are we gonna do this? So on a beautiful winter night in Ibiza, we my water broke, and the plan was, a water birth. And so I had everything set up, my tub, all of that, but my my boys don't come in water. So my water broke, and I went from zero to sixty. I had no time. No time in between just straight excruciating contractions. Like, no no break. I hear people that are like, we danced and we watched a movie, and I'm like, how? How does that even happen? Mine goes from zero to sixty, and it's, like, full portal. Let's go. You know? Yeah. And I fell into the trance. And Alexander jokes because I'm not an omer, and I was literally oming my way through. You know? Just all of these ancestral sounds and primal, you know, ways click in, and you're just in your you know how it is. You're just in your trance. And I went, Emilee, from door to door, like, shower to floor to tub only for the doctor to say maybe twelve, thirteen, fourteen hours in. You wouldn't you're not even four inches. Like, you you have not dilated. You're, like, this big. Just wait. You know? And I'm like, I can't do this. It's so hard. Like, how what do you mean? And I'm thinking I'm, you know, one more push, and we're gonna get there. You know? And so the surrendering was the the most important fact of that life Of course. In that moment for me. I mean, I was in different lives. I was doing past life clearings. I was I was seeing things that I would like in ceremony. You know, you see so many different pathways. And so I I was just like, okay. And so I went to I remember I went to my bedroom and I I told Alexander, I was like, I I feel like this is gonna take a really long time, but I'm not going to go to the hospital ever or anywhere else because they told me at that point, seventeen hours in, that he had gone to the bathroom, and I have an hour the baby gone to the bathroom inside. So I have about an hour to birth at home, or we're gonna have to go to the hospital, which I know how you feel about that.
Speaker 2
And so utter incomplete nonsense, and it's just the it's the doctor's misunderstanding
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Fear projected fear of meconium. I mean, I know it's what it is. You know? That's not real. But that's scary as hell to hear. Yeah.
Speaker 3
And it's the last thing you wanna hear when you feel like you're almost done. So I, he looked at me and he said, okay. You're not dilating. I'm gonna need to cut you open. What? Yeah. So rewind. I just told you I had the most epic experience with him. Right? And then during my labor during my birth, you know, this all this information. So I was like I looked at him and I said, cut me. I'm not leaving to go to the hospital. I there isn't I'm not going to the hospital. I don't care. There's no way. I I don't care. And it was gonna be a raw cut. And then Alexander looked at me and he was like, you can do this. Just push one more time. Like, we got this. Come on. And in that moment, I felt my power ring gain. I mean, I was pretty weak. It was I started the night before and it's already the sun was setting. And I was like, okay, You know what? Yeah. I fucking got this. Let's go. Let's I'm not going to the hospital, and you're not gonna cut me. So we, you know, we prayed. We did it, and I had that one last push, and Alexander grabbed the baby and pulled him out. And then the doctor's like, no pulse. No pulse.
Speaker 4
And I'm
Speaker 3
like, Jesus. And, cord was wrapped around. He he unwrapped the cord and, you know, was pulsing the the cord, and I and then immediately put him back on top of me. And as soon as he was on top of me, he started to giggle, not laugh. And it was, like, the best moment of my life, and I was like, oh my gosh. And during that time, I really was like, holy. Like, it turned from a
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Beautiful experience into a, like, okay. You need to do this, or I'm gonna cut you or I'm gonna you know? And it was just like, fuck, man, you know, how about just take your time and, you know, birth. He's going to come out one way or the other, you know? So that was also the most beautiful experience of my life. It was amazing, but it was really traumatizing towards the end. I was, like, in a deep squat for seventeen hours, and I really couldn't properly walk for a good three months. I know I I I was doing all the I wasn't trained properly to to be able to understand that you can just, you know, be how you need to be, but you don't need to be like, if I had the proper training, and knowledge of, like, if you are in labor and you're having those full contractions, but you're not and it's your first child and you're not fully dilated, there's other exercises. You know? I was you know? And so I was done. Yeah.
Speaker 2
I would add that pushing under abusive circumstances, like pushing while being threatened with physical violence against your vagina and transfer, pushing with that kind of literally pushing with the threat of violence, I wonder if your length of recovery time had more to do with that than the physicality of being in a squat for a long time because that is a really big deal. And you bring up, you know, this is such a good example of what so many women navigate where the birth is life changing, so beautiful, most of it so beautiful. The miracle of life, you fucking did it. Like, so epic. And then there's this really dark predatory, you know, cloud over the end when you're in the most vulnerable part arguably of the entire birth. So what what it does when you push with with a shift of the hormones, now you're having adrenaline, under threat of violence, all of that. Yeah. I mean, it does physical damage.
Speaker 3
I one hundred percent agree with you also because now that I have free birth, I completely understand the difference. I wouldn't have known that at all if I had gone through with having another medically assisted birth. Yeah. I would not have known the difference at all because to me, even back then, even with how educated I was on it, I still, up until, you know, recently realized how wrong it was Yeah. That all of that was said to me and done. You know? Mhmm. And and you really you when you give your power to someone else, of course, they're gonna take it. Right? And when you hold your own power within yourself, you don't stand for anything like that, which is what free birthing to me is all about. Right? And so I gave my power to a doctor and said, hey. You know, be here. I need your help. I don't know what I'm doing, which is complete.
Speaker 2
Well, I I agree for the most part. And, also, I would add, if you're doing that within a power dynamic and particularly a doctor, you know, that that that's, like, predatory in nature. You know, obstetrics is rooted in the torture of women and children. And so when I think about I attend births, and women try to outsource their power to me all the time. And Yeah. I don't take it. And I have a really strong discipline of how to, not do that and how to go, you know, and and send it back. And so, yeah, I think that an unconscious fear mongering egomaniac is gonna go, oh, thank you. But but, like, an authentic midwife would, I hope, know how to play with that. Right? But I hear you and I agree. I mean, that's real ultimately, like, what the peak definition of free birth really is, is wanting to explore what no outsourcing can be like. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I and the and the common denominator between my doctor at that time and my medical team here during my second birth was they were completely living in fear. And they projected that into both of my births. And my first birth, right before birth, the midwife and doula told me about this horrific death that they just had during Dude. During their care. And I was like, you know inappropriate. Inappropriate. So he brought that in the end, you know, at the very end where it could have just been the other way around. So I didn't realize all of that until much later. But during that time, I had amazing beautiful birth, and then what comes of it afterwards is your child. And so you're so consumed with that that you're as the mother, you don't have that much time to process what just happened. Right? Because you're thrown into postpartum. And, and so that was the story of my firstborn.
Speaker 2
I really appreciate you bringing up the ability to critique it and reflect on it in a different way now that you've walked a different path because Yeah. That that is something that is sometimes kind of hard to articulate to women who haven't experienced
Speaker 3
Right.
Speaker 2
What I you know, what we're talking about. And so there there can also be a lot of grief, and I I think it requires a tremendous amount of courage to look at what was protected as this, like, perfect birth and have the courage to go, oh, shit. Actually, there are pieces of it that weren't cool or there was there was, you know, damage or sabotage. And that takes so much courage. And then my hope is that the more women share these kind of stories, we stop accepting crumbs. And then when you are in postpartum, you know, when other women are in postpartum, they are they have women around them to quickly you know, like, we're we're we're renormalizing. We're a new caliber, you know, with these conversations. Absolutely.
Speaker 3
And, also, you know, during that time when you don't have many options, available to you, you sort especially if it's your first time as well, you you sort of take what you can get just so you do like, that's what I did so I didn't have to go to a hospital. Yep. And so it's just another great reminder of how much how powerful we are as women, how we actually have it all. We are meant to birth. We're meant to give birth. And so it was just it was that was the the moment in time where I'm like, oh my gosh. Even during my labor, I was like, I'm supposed to do this. Like, I'm not going anywhere. Don't try to take me from my my birthing space right now to a hospital. Like, why would you even say that to me? You know? Yeah. So there was so much. Yeah. So much. I learned so much. I would change so much. I did change. Yeah. Exactly. One.
Speaker 2
Okay. So then you wind up in Bali.
Speaker 3
I wind up in Bali on accident. Yeah. Mine was mine I tried to leave. Trust me. I wanted to leave. I every time I tried to leave, I couldn't leave. I we came in twenty twenty for Aya's second birthday. He was still almost one, from Ibiza just for a two week vacation, and the pandemic hit. And and then we got locked down in Bali our whole entire life in Ibiza, a house, office, the LightForce Center shop, my husband's digital digital agency, our dog, everything, okay, that we that we chose. Like, I chose Ibiza as my life place. Moved from LA, you know, to Ibiza. Like, this was my my dream come true. And then pandemic hits. We can't back can't get back into Spain. No American citizens allowed into Europe. Resident card expires. You can't renew your resident card of Spain unless you didn't make in there and you go to court. And we were just like, what the fuck? Like, we completely got stuck here. And now I say we were completely blessed here, but our whole life was just turned upside down. And we were like, what the fuck are we gonna do now? And so we we turned it all around. And because of the pandemic, we created the most beautiful program, for healing. And so we decided to stay here while it all kind of blew over. You know, Spain is really harsh in terms of, like, government and what you can and can't do. Everything's a hard no. So we're here. We're here now fully. Our stuff is actually on its on the way back Nice. From Ibiza to Bali. And so that's how I wanna live my life with everything with a yes. You know, everything's coming to fruition here. We've been completely blessed. This island is just, like, in service for our, you know, growth and expansion. We are building the LightForce Center here. We have so much beauty and and everything around us, and we got pregnant here again.
Speaker 2
Wow.
Speaker 3
So I got pregnant last year around Christmas time. I I found out I was pregnant with our second boy, and I immediately was like, okay. I need to go get a scan. And then I was like, do I need to get a scan? And so I'm in a third world country. It's really harsh here on, in terms of, like, getting sick. You know? You can get dengue. You can get malaria. So I was, like, really careful, for the first few weeks until I decided, okay. You know what? I'm just gonna go get checked because, intuitively, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. And at that point, we still were like, are we staying? Are we going? So I did my first checkup. And in my first checkup, I went to the only obstetrician, on the island who was fully masked and completely living in fear. And he told me, you know, when you go in and you're so excited and you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm having this again. Completely. Completely. The opposite energy was living in fear, talking about corona and and I was like, look. I wanna have a home birth. How does it work here? And and he told me, you cannot have a home birth here and because of because of COVID, and you have to birth in a hospital with a mask on. Right. That's safe. That's definitely safe. For sure. And my whole, like, excitement, my everything just went down the drain, and I was just in shock that you could be so, you know, you could be just you could just completely crush, you know, a woman's heart that way with the fear that you have of of birthing in in a in a sacred space. So I just looked at Alexander, and I was like, let's go. And I walked out, you know, completely crushed. Then I was just like, okay. This is my time to really go in and figure out a new way and to be of service to other people and give people the great education that they need to not be completely programmed into this world. And I looked at him and I said, look. I don't want I don't want help this time. I don't trust anyone, a, and I definitely don't need that energy in my sphere of birthing. And, you know, the first few months were really awesome and super sacred, and we'd I just did my thing. And then I went to Sumba, which is, like, this gorgeous island right next to Bali for our baby moon, and it was just stunning. Right before I went to Sumba, I got typhoid, really bad acute typhoid, salmonella poisoning while pregnant. And so I had to go check and see what was going on because I really needed help. It was terrible. It was, like, the word I never wish upon anyone sent me into contractions at six months. What did they do
Speaker 0
for you?
Speaker 3
They really did help me. I got I did some Chinese herbs. I did acupuncture. I did all the natural stuff, but I needed to check the heartbeat quite often because I mean, Emilee, I it was the worst pain. It was it was like labor pains mixed with throwing up and diarrhea at the same time for three days in a row. It's the worst. So all you're thinking is, like, is my baby okay? You know? At that time, I found out I was having a boy, and it was really sweet, so it ended up being awesome. And I just, again, had the monkey mind that was like, okay. Do I need extra help at my birth? Like, they were actually asking me, you know, what is your plan? I didn't really have one, to be honest. I was just going with it. You know? My plan is to survive, Tycho. Yeah. I don't know what my plan is. Yeah. Yeah. So during that moment, Alexander was obviously concerned for the health of the baby. And so we lived up in the north, which is three hours away from any sort of civilized center to that I would even consider to help, during the birth. And so his concern was he saw me in so much distress and pain during that time of typhoid that, like, why don't we just hire somebody to be on standby or somebody to be there at that point? And I'm like, look. If that makes you feel better, then fine. But, like, I don't need it. And I was still not really thinking about that. I was just like, okay. If you wanna do that, I it wasn't like a firm yes. You know? And so during that time, I was just thinking to myself, like, what what does that entail? Who gets to come to be there? Right? Last time, my mom was there. And so I'm like, okay. Here, I have to think about these things again. I can't just, like, pretend like it's I'm creeping up on, like, seven months now. You know? So
Speaker 2
assume that part of you saying yes to him, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you had a really, like, positive experience of how they cared for you in the clinic. And if those are also midwives, you know, that makes sense to me that you now have, like, created a connection point of people
Speaker 3
Emilee, that's a very, very beautiful point. They I attribute the way that I got help quickly and fast Right. Because they took me in, and I I I had such an affinity for this place. Yeah. Exactly. People. It was
Speaker 2
an easy yes, I assume.
Speaker 3
Good point. It was a beautiful yes, and that's exactly why I was like, alright. You know what? If that makes you feel better as well, then they're making me feel better right now. And that is the support I needed in the moment. Yes. Let's do it. So that was, that was one of the visits. Then I go to Soomba, get typhoid again. Terrible, terrible experience. I come back, and I, I go straight to that same clinic. They help me again. Everything natural. You won't believe me. I got it a third time in Bali. And so at this point, I'm like, fuck, man. I literally can't eat anything without getting sick. Like, it's from food. Yeah. The first one was fecal, meaning Yeah. Somebody touched something or I touched something that had shit on it, and it was the worst. And then after the third time I was done, I was so exhausted, and I just was like and this at this point, I think it had a lot to do with everybody started to worry about me a lot more than you know, it it get they had the right to, of course, because it was like, okay. You've had three really life or death sit they kept saying, you know, with with acute salmonella, it could really cause damage to to the fetus. Right? And I'm not an antibiotic or I'm not into taking anything like that. And so there's only so many herbs that can help quickly. Right? At this point, they're like, you just need to constantly, you know, make monitor the heartbeat and whatnot. Just make sure the baby's heart is in the in the right condition. After that, you know, my medicine is Ayahuasca always. And and so I left the island to go sit in ceremony.
Speaker 2
Woah. That is courageous after all that puking.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I left, I left Bali so that I could go and sit, just Alexander and myself, and I had the most profound and at this point, I was seven months pregnant, and I had the most profound, profound, profound, godly experience that I could imagine to exist the most beautiful, clairvoyant. It was just the biggest dream come true. And what happened was my son, whose whose name is Issa, who's inside of me at that time, came out in front of me during ceremony, and he had, you know, the feathers and the Shipibo tribe feathers. And, and the shaman was above him in, actually, in presence, and they were helping me clear ancestral women lineage trauma from the past one hundred years. I saw every single woman that was related to me for one hundred years. In five minutes, I cleared all of it, all of it, all of it. And I'll tell you why this is relevant later. And I saw his soul, and I saw I spoke to him, and he was clearing his mother out so that she could have an amazing birth. And it was Emilee, it was the most beautiful, and Alexander's experience the same. And I come back, and I come back to Bali just full power, just like nothing. You know how it is. You know? Everything is in complete flow. When you sit with medicine, grandmother medicine like that, and you get you get messages from God. Like, you go and you deliver. Right? You go and you make those messages come to life. And so I was back, on fire. Everything was epic and beautiful. And then my in laws get COVID who live next door, who lived five minute boat ride. Yes. And they moved they moved to Bali to to be to be close to us. And so at this point now, I am eight months eight almost eight eight and a half months pregnant. So the stress of that was, unimaginable, and it gets worse and worse. And they are now both hospitalized. They are on ventilators. Alexander's mom unfortunately passes away two weeks before I'm set to, you know, maybe give birth. And that in itself was another really challenging time during a pregnancy because I never during my first birth every or during my first pregnancy, everything was perfect in my in my world. You know? There was no challenges, and I was blessed to be able to just have, like, the the nicest pregnancy. This one, completely different.
Speaker 2
So And all the while, towards that in last trimester, are you doing prenatal visits now with No. Guys on the island?
Speaker 3
No. Done. It was I I was only checked when I went in for typhoid.
Speaker 2
Gotcha. So you didn't, like, hire a midwife?
Speaker 3
I did for the birth.
Speaker 2
But not for any pregnancy? No. Gotcha.
Speaker 3
I only went, yeah, I only went in because I got typhoid.
Speaker 2
You hire midwives from the clinic to to provide attendance should you want it kind of thing?
Speaker 3
Is that To provide it to to be present for my birth.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. To come to
Speaker 3
the north and have a home birth.
Speaker 2
Gotcha.
Speaker 3
Okay. I'm with you. Yeah. And so after my mother-in-law passes away, it was just a crazy, crazy time because there the fear in the air that was around, I mean, every hospital was full. Everyone was dying. We were watching people come out on stretchers when they were at the hospital. Oh my god. It was the craziest time. Alexander's father survives, gets out of the hospital, goes home for a week, decides to have a heart attack. The two two weeks after his mom passes away, is back in the hospital. All in all, we're trying to save everyone's lives and, be present for this birth. So during that time, I was very vocal to my team about how about what was going on. And mind you, we're healers. We've created one of the most incredible programs in the entire world that helps you with anything within a short amount of time. So people were surprised at how okay we were because we are individuals who can manage their emotions, and we can clear really quickly. So my team told me what I should be feeling like. The midwife. Yeah. Yeah. You you you must be under so much stress. You are so under so much stress. You I can't imagine what you guys are going through. You should reconsider your plan and come to this city. Just all fear fear fear fear. Everybody that I thought was, of a higher power that I'd looked up to for a really long time ended up being, living in fear. That's exactly what happened. And so their projection onto us was in their own which had nothing to do with us. It was all their own shit, but it was unfortunately continually, not once, but, like, multiple times continually projected onto us. And I stood up for myself and my family, and I said, I'm not taking this anymore. I don't want anything to do with anybody like that in my sphere right now. If you actually knew the amount of stress and, suffering that I don't have. You know? I actually don't feel the way you want me to feel. You know? I don't have any of that, and I'd like to keep it like that. And so I got rid of everyone. Yeah. And it was the best decision I ever made in my entire life. I will tell you that. It cleared everything. It I had this weight on me of other people's shit constantly. That midwife would even call me and tell me, oh my god. This person just died from COVID. Oh my god. This like, this and that. And I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you people? I'm about to give birth. How about how are you doing? How can I support you? You know? It was crazy. And so we made the best decision to go inward with how we know. You know? We had the best, most beautiful time in between getting rid of everyone to to preparing for the birth, and people project their own fears onto you in hopes that you will, give in. And we didn't, and I I would not allow an ounce of that around my birthing space ever, and never will I ever again after especially what happened the first time. On top of that, I was being harassed. I mean, I got I got emails. I got things that you don't wanna see from your team when you're pregnant at that point. So I was just done, and I was like, look. We're doing this on our own. And, and he was like, yes. Let's go for it. And so I did a little online work, and someone named Emilee popped up into my sphere. And I made, I think, an appointment or I stalked you, I think, for a little bit. And I'm like, let's check your DMs, please. I need to speak to you. And I became fascinated with the society because I never knew that there was really anything like that out there. And so I was I watched probably every video that you have ever posted. I made an appointment, and I am so happy that I did because I just needed one person who was you to say, hey. I understand what you're going through. I have a whole thing built around this. You know? Here's the support you need, and that's what I need. I just needed that. We only talked once. Mhmm. And, and from that point on, I literally had the the most courage, the most power, the most knowing, the most, you know, that inner yes. That's just like, I can do this fully with nobody around. And that's what I said. I said, I will birth anywhere under a tree, whatever. I'm not gonna let anybody else into that space. So Alexander and I, we did just that. And on the night of the nineteenth of August, my water broke, and I had the most beautiful, beautiful altar set up in our room. It was just a a place of prayer and sacred, you know, ancestral like, we had portals open for so how I told you about the sitting with when when my son was there clearing all the all the trauma during our Ayahuasca ceremony, every single one of those women came through during my birth and during my portal that was open in my labor. And so that was another really beautiful thing that came from that. My water broke. And in that moment, I I just heard Alexander singing and praying and on the drum, and we were in deep prayer the whole time. And I was so free, Emilee. I cannot tell you. I felt so free. I felt like the most powerful woman in the world. I felt like I can do anything, and we did it. We absolutely did just that. And the and it was four hours in, and I just made it back to my bed after being in the shower for a few minutes. And Alexander said, you know, he's right there. I can see him. Are you ready? Like, yes. I'm so ready. And I turned into a lion, and I was roaring for my for my ancestors, for my child, for everything that had gone on in that year, for all the women, for I was just in complete gratitude and in complete, you know, surrender for everyone, and I just felt the lineage of all the women in the world. And I birthed my baby boy right there with Alexander completely free. It was epic, and he was posterior, and his, cord was wrapped around. And Alexander just gently pulled him out, unwrapped it, set him on me, and he started crying. And we all started crying, and we're like, we did it. Like, oh my god. We did it. So it was the most beautiful, epic time of our lives. And the fact that we did it was the like, that that badge of honor is you can't get that anywhere else. Like, that is what we were meant to do, and it is so simple. It is so simple. You know? And I'm I know it's not for everyone, and I know that, you know, there are there are people out there that won't ever understand it. But, you know, my main message is you have to trust your body and your mind and that we are meant to birth. We're women. And no matter what anybody tries to instill in you, you have to go within and ask yourself what's best for you, and you are the only one that knows that. And it's so important to create the exact birthing space that works for you. And that's exactly what I did, and I've never been so proud of myself and my husband. And then I ran in. He was waiting outside the door, and he got to meet the baby right away. It was just epic. So thank you. Thank you for being one of the catalysts to encouraging such a beautiful process.
Speaker 2
Awesome. That's like it's like there there aren't even really words.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
I know. Kinda just threw in that, like, every woman whose trauma you cleared in your maternal line. It's like Yeah.
Speaker 3
How do you even Yeah. How do you even speak to that It was the most epic ceremony. That birth was a ceremony. It was a ceremony for all my ancestors, for my children, for my future children. It was an example of if everyone is coming to you with fear and if everyone is coming to you with the opposite of what you believe in, stand true to what you believe in. You don't give in.
Speaker 2
Right. And it really is just kind of the old way of women. You know? Like, it's not where we're heading. You know? And when you said, you know, I know it's not for everyone, the thought I had was, like, yet.
Speaker 3
You know?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Because women did own birth
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Until fairly recently. Even under patriarchy, women still forever, you know, owned birth and had women only practices. So I have a lot of hope around around, like, what you're speaking to, like, the the elevation, the choosing yourself. And and, you know, in some ways, it's so bad in the system that you you have to move away from that. You know? Yeah. And and that's great. Like, let's let's see how bad it can get so that women finally say something else. Right? Do something else. Live another way. And it just is spreading like wildfire.
Speaker 3
Absolutely. And like
Speaker 2
you said, it's so simple. It's not like you need to buy anything. You don't need anyone's permission. Like, it doesn't really matter how anyone feels about it, including yourself. The baby's going to be born. Right? And I take so much confidence from that. It's like, yeah. Be afraid. You're still gonna have a baby. It's fine. Yeah.
Speaker 3
You know? And, you know, I I you you think about, you know, all the other women that are like, well, what if something's wrong with me, or what if I have a preexisting condition, or what if there's a condition that I didn't find out about and blah blah blah. So that's what I mean when I say that it takes a certain type of woman to do this, because I'm not I'm I definitely don't want to preach that, you know, you shouldn't go to the doctor. That's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is the power is within you to be able to make your own decision
Speaker 2
Right. Do whatever you want.
Speaker 3
Not not be influenced to do something that you don't wanna do. Exactly. And especially if you don't have anything wrong with you. Yeah.
Speaker 2
But even I mean, most women I serve have already been labeled high risk and been abandoned and and scheduled for c section. You know? So
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2
I hear you. And if women it's one of my fantasies actually when I'm, like, bored. I'll be like, what if women did what they wanted? What would that look like if women just did what they wanted? Right? Because most women I know are living from or most women I work with, I should say, are living from a state of asking permission, you know, whether they're aware of it or not. And choosing the courage like what you did to write your own story. And, really, I mean, your free birth was just an extension of how you've learned to live your life
Speaker 3
for a long time. Right? For absolutely. I mean, I was having dinner the other night with friends who schedule their c sections.
Speaker 2
Right.
Speaker 3
And, you know, and we're such complete opposite. And so I, of course, wanna know why. And there's the they said because I have fear. I have the fear of giving vaginal or having a vaginal birth. And that's like, who put that there for you? Why? Why? How did we get there? And so I'm so grateful to people like you now myself, who can educate and hopefully inspire other people to really bring back womanhood, bring back birthing, bring it all to the surface and you know? Yeah.
Speaker 2
Happening so fast. It really Yeah. Was like woman to woman to woman, you know, telling the story and, you know, just took one woman providing the, like, duh. Of course, you can do it. It's like, yes. Of course. It's all women need. Right? Women are smart and women want what's best for their babies, and we've been hella brainwashed.
Speaker 3
Yeah. But you
Speaker 2
can't brainwash people with the truth.
Speaker 3
Cannot. You cannot. The truth will always come out, and I'm so happy that it happened right before my birth so I could totally be free. You know? I'm Shayoon on Instagram, Shayoon underscore. And I have a company and, a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful center called the LightForce Center. We're at the LightForce Center in Bali. You can, click the link in my bio on Instagram at shayun underscore, and you can join there for free. We have such beautiful meditations and morning rituals available to anybody who just comes into the community. We have a private community, so we have people joining from all over the world that you can speak to, you know, uncensored completely. And we have different programs for everyone. So we'd love to see all of you in there. If you wanna get ahold of me and DM me, that's awesome as well. I'm happy to help in any way. I'm here to serve.
Speaker 2
Alright. Thank you for your time.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Thank you so much for everything. You're so welcome.
Speaker 2
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching. Learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on free birth society dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise and the revolution starts inside each of us. I'll leave you with our Freebird Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. Magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding, the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star.
