Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative. We'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom change since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Sister, is birth work your calling? Do you long to witness and support the awesome power of women as we make life form kinship and transform the world through undisturbed mother centered birth? In your most expansive vision of your life, are you the authentic midwife of your community, walking in total grace, reciprocity, and trust with women through the sacred portal of pregnancy and birth? Then our groundbreaking Radical Birthkeeper School is for you. It is an immersive, live, intensive mastermind in all things authentic midwifery that will give you the blueprint and guidance to launch a life altering, world shaking, radical birth brand and business. Think birth business mastermind, life changing coaching intensive, deep dive into all things birth, step by step road map for serving women authentically, and the wise woman initiation that you have been dreaming of, all rolled into one epic program that will change your entire life. It is time to become the lighthouse that guides women home to ourselves. Head to free birth society courses dot com slash radical birth keeper now to claim your spot and say yes to your calling. Today, I'm bringing you a mind blowing wild pregnancy story with quite the plot twist. At a supposed forty four weeks gestation with no signs of labor, Rachel began to backtrack on her conception timeline and realized that she actually conceived this baby shortly after an early pregnancy loss at around nine weeks. Since she hadn't tracked the bleeding as a miscarriage, she went on with her pregnancy believing that she was three months further along than she actually was. Her year long pregnancy went on to prepare her for an intense nearly sixty hour birth at forty two weeks. Rachel's story is an incredible testament to the mystery of birth, the power of trust and patience, and the magic of sitting in the unknown.
Speaker 3
So
Speaker 4
So I'm excited to hear your story in its entirety. Obviously, peripherally, I know a bit about it. And it's, you know, in some ways, it's just another normal story of a woman being pregnant and having
Speaker 5
a baby. And then on the
Speaker 4
other hand, we've got this, you know, pretty interesting spin to it. So I don't wanna give too much away. I just want you to take it from here. And I imagine we're probably gonna call this episode something like the year long pregnancy. Right?
Speaker 5
Yeah. That would make sense.
Speaker 4
A long time ago. So Yeah. Yeah. Just take us to the beginning of wherever you wanna start this story.
Speaker 5
Okay. So I'll start at, like, our conception journey back in gosh. What year is it? Okay. So January twenty twenty one, so last last January, my husband and I, we went and visited his family in Michigan, and we spent a week, like, surrounded by all his nieces and nephews and younger brother. And we were just, like felt very fulfilled, like, spending all this time with children, and we had talked already about wanting children. And we came home and, like, sat on our couch in our quiet house. We're just like, what do we do now? Like, what's going on? Then we just kinda, like, felt this emptiness, and we're like, man, like, why don't we just, like, start this journey? Like, let's call in our baby. And I had already been tracking my period for a couple years, so I had, like, a pretty good idea of when I was ovulating. And so we decided to try, like, the next night. We were just like, alright. Let's do this. You know, we didn't do any, like, sort of special ceremony or anything, but we were just, like, very conscious about, like, welcoming in a child. And after a few weeks went by, I, like, woke up with the worst night sweats I had ever had in my life. And that same day, I, like, started crying about something that I don't normally get emotional about. I'm like, I'm gonna take your pregnancy test. So I did, and it was positive. We were ecstatic, and we were just, like, super, you know, super excited. But I, you know, I got the positive, and then I took the next test the next day too just to, like, be sure, and it was positive again. And I was like, alright. This is for real. Yeah. And I had, like, a really peaceful beginning. Like, I didn't really have any nausea or anything like that. My energy level was pretty high. And then around nine weeks, I had, like, a lot of cramping and some bleeding, but it wasn't, like, super intense. And, you know, I've done a lot of research and listened to a lot of women's stories. And I'm like, there are so many things that can cause bleeding in the first trimester. So I was just like, I'm not gonna seek assistance unless I feel like I really, really need it for some reason. But even if it was a miscarriage, I I knew that I was going to work through it at home anyway. Totally. So I didn't do anything about it. When it happened, I I did pass, like, a blood clot about an inch long too. And I was that that was the part that really shook me. I was actually on break from work. I, like, came home to have lunch. That happened, and I, like, saved the clot in a little bowl. And I was, like, afraid to examine it because I was, like, what if I find a fetus in there? And I called Rob, and he came home from work. And we looked at it together, and, like, it just looked like blood clot. Like, it didn't look like there was any sort of, you know, fetal tissue in it. And so I kind of calmed down. I was like, okay. Well, if my belly keeps growing, well, now I I still have life inside me. If not, we can conclude that that was probably a miscarriage. And that was really tricky to just kinda, like, sit in that unknown for a few weeks. And Well, it's kind of
Speaker 4
the the message of your whole
Speaker 5
Everything. Whole story. Yeah. It doesn't end there.
Speaker 4
For anyone listening, you know, I would I would just kind of add to this that cramping and blood loss is more likely than not going to lead to miscarriage. Mhmm. You know? The the blood loss by itself, not at all. Not necessarily, but usually that early, the combination of the two Yeah. And my guess with the clot and that you didn't see more tissue, my guess, obviously, I don't actually know, but my guess would be it just was a lot earlier than nine weeks. Right? So just because you, released at nine weeks as I'm sure you know, it's you could have stopped growing the pregnancy, you know, at three weeks, at four weeks, at five weeks. And so Yeah. At that that early, you're not gonna see much most likely. Right?
Speaker 5
Exactly. Yeah. And, like, looking at it in hindsight right. It looking at it now, I'm like, that that's kind of what makes sense.
Speaker 4
You kind of just pin this as, like, question mark.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Right? Like, we'll
Speaker 5
see. I I definitely had, like, a full on freak out. Like, I I mourned it for a little bit. Like, I I was kind of like, oh my gosh. Like, the the diet just loses baby. But then I kind of, like, snapped out of it, like, don't think the worst. Like, maybe it's okay. Like, let's just kinda see where things go. And so that's where it was, like, more difficult. Couple weeks went by, and then at thirteen weeks, so, like like, exactly a month later, I had some more light bleeding for a couple days. I didn't have any cramping this time, but it was, like, very light. Like, one pammy liner a day light. Like, just
Speaker 4
For how many days?
Speaker 5
For, like, four or five days. Just and so I'm like, but my belly seemed to keep growing, which is the weirdest part. And so at seventeen weeks, we actually got married. And I had a very hard time finding a dress that, like, fit my little bump that I already had. Like, I it already popped and, you know, and, again, in hindsight, I was only, like, three weeks pregnant. So, like, that part blows my mind.
Speaker 3
Well, let's
Speaker 4
clarify for listeners kinda where we're going with this story.
Speaker 5
Yeah. So, basically, the original, like, guest date for this baby was at the end of October. Like, October twenty eighth was my guest date. You know? And I didn't have my baby until February ninth. So I had, like, an extra three months, extra over three months of pregnancy that I was not expecting. Oh my god.
Speaker 4
And I
Speaker 5
didn't realize this until I was already a month past my guest date.
Speaker 4
I remember the in the membership, you
Speaker 5
were like, forty four weeks. Yeah. Walking along here
Speaker 4
and me messaging you being like, I think we should try to figure this out.
Speaker 5
Yeah. And, you know, still didn't really figure it out until he was born.
Speaker 4
Totally. Right? Okay. So what is your well, like, spoiler alert here. What is your assessment of what actually occurred?
Speaker 5
Yeah. So what actually occurred was I had the miscarriage at nine weeks. At thirteen weeks, I had, like, another small cycle, I guess, like, another bleed. And then we conceived again after that thirteen week bleed. So Okay. We
Speaker 3
were like
Speaker 4
So that was an implantation bleeding of a new pregnancy?
Speaker 5
Or it could've been. I don't know.
Speaker 4
Yeah. We don't know. But would that would those numbers add up? If that was true, you'd be two weeks pregnant at that point. So does the math add up? Because that would be end of February, and then you birthed in February? No. That doesn't make sense. No. Very mysterious. So you if you birthed in February, you most likely got pregnant in what month?
Speaker 5
May, actually. So when I, like, kinda went back and, like, tried to recalculate it, I remember May fourth was my guess for the date of conception for this baby.
Speaker 4
And so did you have a full period ever again between the miscarriage and the the the, like, pregnancy that stuck?
Speaker 5
No. And other than that light bleed.
Speaker 4
Little light bleed.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
And that was what month? The light bleed?
Speaker 5
That was April.
Speaker 4
Oh, okay. Makes sense. You got pregnant I'm with you. You got pregnant in January. Nine weeks later is end of Feb, beginning of March. Mhmm. And then you have the light bleed in April. And then we're thinking you get pregnant with this baby beginning of May.
Speaker 5
Right. Yes.
Speaker 4
And then you birth him in February. But the head fuck of this whole thing is you never really knew Right. If that was a miscarriage or not. And so you went along your pregnancy, your what you didn't know was a new pregnancy counting from your first pregnancy. Is that correct?
Speaker 5
Correct.
Speaker 4
Okay. So so so yeah. I think I hope that will be clear. Well and I really like this story in in the sense of kind of underlying the, what's the right word? Like like, without the ultrasounds, without the doctors, without the the measurements, without all this stuff, especially being, for all of us being kind of new to this. It's not like you're sitting in some council with a hundred elder midwives who all can walk you through this and brainstorm this with you. Right? Like, we're just kinda out here, like, on our own trying to figure this shit out together. And so, you know, this stuff does happen. And and and I think it teaches us a lot. And I love I love love love, you know, whenever I checked in with you throughout this pregnancy and throughout this year long, you know, experience, your attitude about it was so I'm sure you had your moments that I didn't see, but your attitude was mostly pretty chill and pretty unfussed, you know, even even to the head fuck of October, which we'll get to at the end. But, yeah. So I hope that's clear to to listeners. You you you never marked it in your head as a for sure loss. It was kind of just a question mark, and therefore, you kept with the original dates and therefore thought you were way further along than what turned out to be true. Exactly. Okay. So take us to you said seventeen weeks and, you know, some people will see this on YouTube and see that you did air quotes, but
Speaker 3
some people
Speaker 4
will listen to this and not know. So if you're listening, she's air quoting, air quoting seventeen weeks because it was actually
Speaker 5
only, like, three weeks or so.
Speaker 4
Yeah. But you had a baby bump.
Speaker 5
Yeah. I I know. I know. Yeah. Is it,
Speaker 4
like, just psychosomatic at that point?
Speaker 5
I don't know. Or or maybe just, like, my body already geared up Right. Started to change, started to put on the extra fat stores already and, like Crazy. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4
Okay. Wild. Okay.
Speaker 5
And so yeah. I mean, I had a really easeful pregnancy when I thought I was, like, nineteen or twenty weeks is the only time that I had any sort of nausea, which makes sense because that would have been, like, five weeks five, six weeks. And I only got the nausea when I was driving in a car for a long distance. So it it and then I never actually ended up throwing up. I was just kind of, like, a few weeks where I was, like, not feeling great on my commute to work.
Speaker 4
So when you went to the festival, when you went to matriarch rising Yeah. How pregnant did you think you were? Twenty two weeks. And how pregnant were you really?
Speaker 5
That minus thirteen. So, like, nine weeks. Is that right?
Speaker 4
But you looked pregnant.
Speaker 3
I know.
Speaker 4
Okay. Wait. Sorry. One more thing, and then I'll shut up.
Speaker 5
And I
Speaker 4
just have to get my head wrapped around this whole thing.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 4
So when you birthed him in February, what gestation would did you what gestation now do you think you birthed him at?
Speaker 5
Forty two plus one.
Speaker 4
Okay. Because I was gonna say maybe it was implantation bleeding, and then what would you have been at from the April, but then you would have been, like, forty six or something insane.
Speaker 5
Right? Yeah.
Speaker 4
So it can't be that.
Speaker 5
Yeah. Because when I calculated my guest date I I mean, I did this, like, after he was born even. I bet. But when I finally realized, like, okay. This is finally when I give birth. When I calculated that from the, you know, the guess of when he was conceived on May fourth, which also happened to be the two year anniversary of me and my husband meeting, which is kind of a fun
Speaker 4
cool ticket. That's cute.
Speaker 5
It is. But it was January twenty sixth would have been the new, like, guest date.
Speaker 4
And when was he born?
Speaker 5
February ninth.
Speaker 4
Yeah. That's really I'm I'm just kind of tripping on. I I met you at the festival, and Mhmm. I I mean, I wouldn't have said you looked twenty two weeks necessarily. I mean, obviously, women look all different sizes
Speaker 5
Right.
Speaker 4
At all different gestations. But if you had only been nine weeks, I mean, you you had, like, a pregnant belly. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And That is so crazy.
Speaker 4
This is such a crazy story.
Speaker 5
It blows my mind. I mean, I went through it, and it's still hard to believe sometimes. By the time I hit what I thought was thirty weeks was when I started to be a little bit concerned because I wasn't feeling, like, a ton of movement yet. But I knew, you know, there's a possibility of the anterior placenta, being a first time mom, like, the sensations that you feel can be delayed in that sense. But by the time I hit, you know, thirty three weeks, air quotes, I was feeling it more regularly, so I felt good about everything again. But, of course, I was only nineteen or twenty weeks at this point, so it made more sense, in hindsight. And then Wow. At what I thought was thirty five weeks, I had maternity before that was done. And, you know, like you said, everybody carries differently. I was not very large, but I, you know, I talked to plenty of other women. I've seen plenty of other pregnancies and what it looks like on people. And I was like, maybe I just carry small. I have a short torso, so, like Yeah. There's not a whole lot of place for the baby to go.
Speaker 4
Right. Which so then it means that you're unlikely to carry small. Exactly. So when you were really at the end, were you huge and were you like, oh, okay. That
Speaker 5
was huge.
Speaker 3
Oh my god.
Speaker 5
So by, like, Halloween, that would have been, like, a couple days past my guest date. I was like, alright. Let's blow up the birth pool. Just, like, have it ready. That way, we don't have to, like, fuss with it whenever I go into labor Mhmm. Because it could be any day now. So we blew up the birth pool on Halloween, and it stayed blown up until February. We ended up flipping it upside down at one point just to not collect dust in it by Thanksgiving because we had canceled plans for Halloween because we were like, we don't know when this babe's coming. Mhmm. Thanksgiving. We didn't travel Thanksgiving because, again, I was like, well, I'm already past my my guest date here. But Thanksgiving marked, like, air quotes, forty four weeks, and I still had, like, no signs of labor. I was just kind of like, man, I don't even know if this baby's dropped yet. Like, what's going on? And that's when I finally came to the conclusion that, you know, maybe I had miscarried. And I was like, okay. And so
Speaker 4
When when did you come to my house? What month was it when I palpated you and we had that whole talk?
Speaker 5
That was the beginning of December.
Speaker 4
Okay. So this was it was just
Speaker 5
a couple weeks after I'd made the realization.
Speaker 4
Gotcha. Okay.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Because by that point, we were all sitting around, like, you don't seem like a woman about to go into labor.
Speaker 3
Right.
Speaker 4
Remember that?
Speaker 5
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4
We're all, like, sitting there scratching our heads. Okay.
Speaker 5
Yeah. And and you were like, you probably have, like, a month left to go. And this was, like, the beginning of December, and I was pregnant for two more months.
Speaker 4
So Tell me about your head, like, in your spirit from November on. You know? Like, that's a pretty big deal at the what did you say? The end of November that you're starting to be like, wait a minute.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
I must have the dates wrong. Like, tell me about that because that's a pretty big deal.
Speaker 5
Yeah. It was. Well, I I always have had this, you know, trust that a baby will be born when they're ready. So I was in no way trying to, like, get this baby out even when I was reaching, you know, what I thought was when he should have been born. I wasn't trying to do any sort of even natural induction things.
Speaker 4
Oh my god. Can you imagine if you did?
Speaker 5
Exactly. Right? So or, you know, if I was working with a midwife and, you know, it's like, oh, you're past forty two weeks. Like, I can't take care of you anymore. Like, I mean, there like, so many different things could have happened if I had approached this differently. But, yeah, it was it was definitely a mind fuck. Like, I just it was so hard to wrap my head around. And come December, I I did get emotional a few times just like like, I just wanna meet my baby. You know? I I met other women who were pregnant, like, found out they were pregnant after me and were having their babies, and I'm
Speaker 3
just gonna be pregnant. I I remember meeting
Speaker 5
a woman at at the festival who told me she was, like, nine weeks pregnant, and she had her baby before me. And I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 3
So,
Speaker 5
yeah, it was just it taught me a lot about trust and patience, and I just kept kept going through it.
Speaker 4
And was your was your partner ever, like, babe, go to the go to the hospital and, like, figure this out or anything?
Speaker 5
Not even once. No. He he was a hundred percent on board with everything from the beginning. I would I'm very grateful he was not in that mindset to
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 5
Try to get me to go seek assistance in
Speaker 4
any way. Did you play with that idea?
Speaker 3
I mean, that would have been totally
Speaker 4
understandable if if in October, November, December, you were, understandable if if in October, November, December, you were like, I need some tools here to help me
Speaker 5
get this done. I thought about it. But towards the end of pregnancy, I know that ultrasound can be, I mean, measuring on an ultrasound is not super accurate. No. And, like, it can be variable of up to, like, eight weeks difference. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 4
it's not gonna help you.
Speaker 5
No. I'm like, I I know I'm gonna give birth sometime within now in the next eight weeks. So, like, when is that gonna help me? Like, I know I have got, like, one or two months left. So I was just like, that's not that's not gonna help me.
Speaker 4
Yeah. So by November by Thanksgiving, you're like, okay. That must have been a miscarriage, and then you recalculate and realize based on the facts that you have that the new birthing window is probably end of Jan, beginning of Feb, which is three more months. Right?
Speaker 5
Two more months.
Speaker 1
Two well, I knew it was gonna
Speaker 5
be either one or two more months from when I realized.
Speaker 4
And so you're just like Yeah. Like, how do you settle I mean, that is nuts, Rachel, that you like, I'm just picturing myself. Like, you you you blow up the tub. You're like, any day now, forty weeks, forty one weeks, forty two weeks, forty three weeks. Oh, never mind. Two more months. Like Yeah. And and you're just okay? Like, I feel like I would have such a freaking
Speaker 5
meltdown. That's just so crazy. Yeah. And I actually left work when I hit what I thought was forty two weeks. Oh, right.
Speaker 4
Like I
Speaker 5
was like, maybe I just need to be home and, like, just in my space and focus and, you know, like, not keep myself so distracted. And it kinda ended up turning out for the best because my job, even though I talked to them previously, in the summertime about maternity leave, they told me I would get it. And then when I left, I was like, okay. So how am I getting my pay for this? Blah blah blah blah. They're like, oh, you don't qualify because you're part time. I was like, oh Oh. Cool. I talked to you in July about this to confirm.
Speaker 4
Scary.
Speaker 5
Yeah. So there was a little hiccup there, but because I had a couple extra months, I was able to find a remote job and
Speaker 4
Oh, nice.
Speaker 5
Keep working a little bit, and I ended up working out. But, yeah, that was just crazy. And I, you know, I I still feel a little bit saddened about the fact that I didn't properly mourn the loss of my first pregnancy either. Like, I had a day where I was kinda like, oh, maybe that's what happened and I was, you know, in shambles and all this, but I would have treated it differently if I had solid knowledge that that was a miscarriage. But I remember, like, my grandma calling me and be like, is everything okay? Mhmm. Yeah. We're we're just waiting. She's like, have you have you talked to someone, seen a doctor? And they're like and and be like, yeah. Everything's fine. Like, I saw a chiropractor once a week during my pregnancy. So when I said I saw a doctor, like, I was not lying.
Speaker 4
Did you, like, send out kind of, like, a mass text of, like, hey. Heads up. I miscalculated my dates. It's gonna be a couple more months.
Speaker 5
Yeah. I I told my whole family the whole spiel, and I actually made a post, like, a public post on on Instagram as well because that was, like, the easiest way to really reach out to everybody who was Mhmm. Like, sitting there anxiously waiting. And I was just kinda like, hey. I don't know if I'm gonna be pregnant for another month or another two months. I'll let you know when this baby's here. Like, I I don't know what's going on. But, yeah, I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting. But it was kinda nice. Those last two months, people stopped asking me if the baby was here. Totally. That
Speaker 4
like, it's like Yeah. That's one way to do it.
Speaker 5
Unlocked. You know? Like, they're like, oh, she doesn't know at all, so we're just gonna stop texting her every day.
Speaker 4
I'm just picturing, like, if women just started when people are like, when are you due if we if everyone was just like, oh, I have no idea.
Speaker 3
That would kinda be amazing.
Speaker 5
That you know, I that's kind of what happened at
Speaker 3
the end.
Speaker 5
Like, people would see me in public. I'd go into a store or something. Like, oh, when you're when are you due? And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 4
Not a clue.
Speaker 3
They're like, what? I'm like, I don't know. I love that so
Speaker 5
much. Totally throws them off.
Speaker 3
I love that. Oh, that's funny.
Speaker 4
Okay. So take me into final days and and into your birth story.
Speaker 5
So, yeah, final days like, the last week or so, I developed, like, the pups rash on my belly. It was so itchy. I could get barely any relief. And I looked into it, and it was like, oh, it's more common with boys for some reason and can also be a sign of them passing the conium. I don't I don't know. I I literally just used Google. Who knows? But I was like, oh, that's cool. But, you know, nothing I can really do about it. And then on the night of February sixth, it was a Sunday, Rob and I, we stayed up late watching TV, went to bed around midnight, and then I woke up at one thirty with contractions. So I had an hour and a half of sleep, and my labor was sixty hours long, and I could not sleep throughout any of it.
Speaker 3
Rachel, no.
Speaker 5
Man. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Amazing. Woke up at one thirty.
Speaker 5
I was up all night, like, moving through each contraction. It was, like, I I started timing them just to get a an idea of what was going on. They were, like, ten to fifteen minutes apart, and I was still very much in disbelief that I was in labor
Speaker 3
because
Speaker 5
I was like like, I I never had any sort of, like, you know, breaks and hicks or practice contractions or something like that.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 5
I never had any of those warm up contractions. Nothing. I had no signs. I just woke up and was in it. And then by eight thirty in the morning, I had a bloody show, and I broke down crying. I just, like, felt so relieved. I was like, oh my gosh. This baby's finally coming. Like, I'm finally gonna meet my baby. And it was just, like, that was the confirmation I needed, you know. And then by, like, nine fifteen, ten AM, I had already thrown up a couple times, and I was just stopped recording every time I threw up because I was just my body was just, like, you know, purging. Just everything. And so around ten thirty in the morning, Rob began to fill up the birth pool, and, you know, because it was upside down collecting dust since Halloween, it was just so
Speaker 4
Just cobwebs and wild. Yeah.
Speaker 5
It was so surreal. I'm like, there's water going in there right now. Like, oh my gosh. So I labored in the pool for a little bit, and I got out, kept laboring in our room. And as the day progressed, my sensations got closer and closer together. They were between, like, three and five minutes apart when I stopped timing them, and I was just like, cool. They're getting closer. I'm I'm not gonna stress myself about this anymore. And then around four thirty, I had Rod get some more hot water in the pool, started laboring in there again a little bit. And then I got out, and I was just, like, so uncomfortable that I couldn't sit anywhere. I couldn't lay down. I could only be, like, in hands and knees or on my knees with my hands on the mattress with my head on the mattress. So it was like those were, like, the only two positions I could be in, and, I had had calluses on my knees for, like, two weeks after this. It was crazy. And at six fifteen that day, so it was it was after a full day of labor, my water broke. And
Speaker 4
This is all the first day?
Speaker 5
Yeah. This is all the first day.
Speaker 4
So But it was a sixty hour labor?
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Damn. So a lot happens in that first day.
Speaker 5
Yeah. Yeah. Because my water's roping for, like, a day and a half.
Speaker 4
Okay.
Speaker 3
So at
Speaker 5
six fifteen, my water broke, and it was filled with meconium. So, like, cool. But I had educated myself enough to know, like, that's a variation of normal, and I wasn't gonna, you know, go seek assistance just because there was meconium in the waters. I knew to look out for signs of respiration, like breathing it in after the baby's born, fever, all that stuff. So I was, you know, excited. My water broke. I was like, oh, probably gonna meet my baby by the morning. Like, and but I labored all through the night and all through the next day.
Speaker 3
And then I had another night
Speaker 5
of labor. And, yeah, it was it was a marathon. I I fell asleep standing up a few times, like, in between contractions and, like, kind of fell forward and hit my knees on the bed frame.
Speaker 3
Oh my god.
Speaker 4
And it's just you and Rob. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. It's just us.
Speaker 5
And Rob took a couple much needed naps here and there, but he was mostly up with me the whole time. Yeah. I think that part of it was harder for him than for me, like, staying up that long because I was always doing something.
Speaker 4
Exactly. There's no option for you. Like, you literally cannot. Whereas with him, he could fall asleep. Right. Yeah. And so, I mean, tell me about that second day and into that second night, like, towards the end. I mean, you know, as you know, I had a fifty two hour, so I'm I'm Yeah. I'm feeling for you. And and, you know, what was it like? I mean, how how heavy did it get for you? You know, how much did you play with options or or self sabotage? You know, like, did you make up stories like I did? Like, what was it or did you just get, like, like, super high and go deep in? Like, what what was it like to have such a long labor?
Speaker 5
A little bit of both, honestly. Alright. Yeah. That that last night of labor, I I started to get, like, really, like, pushy contractions. The badge was, like, really grunting through them and, like, getting really low, and I was like, okay. It's, like, super primal sounding. And I was like I felt almost like he was kinda stuck, you know, like so I was kinda like trying to move somehow to get him out. But I actually have a friend who's a doula who lives nearby, and I did text her at, like, four o'clock in the morning. And I was like, I know it's so early in the morning, but, like, is there any way you could come over? And I didn't hear back from her until, like, I don't know, ten o'clock in the morning or something like that. And I was like, no. We're fine now. Like, I I was still in labor, but I was like, no. I feel I feel fine. I just had to, like, reach out to somebody.
Speaker 4
Totally. Of course.
Speaker 5
But, yeah, I by the time I could, like, feel him, like, in the birth canal, I was able to, like, look in with a mirror and see, like, very pale flesh, you know, and and it was very wrinkly, and I was like, I think that's a head, but I'm not sure. Yeah. It could be anything. I'm like, I don't know. And, like, that was honestly the hardest part of my labor was, like, seeing that and not really knowing
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 5
What was coming out because I was like, it could be ahead, which I was hoping for, obviously. And I was prepared to deliver a breech baby. I was like, it's fine if it's not ahead, if there's just another part of the body. But, like, if it's a cord and I have a cord prolapse, like, I know that's a real emergency. Did not wanna have to deal with that. So, that definitely like, I got in my head a little bit about that. And Rob told me later on that he was, like, he he didn't say it in the moment, but he was, like, I I wasn't sure what I was looking at. I thought, like, maybe it was, like, dead flesh, and
Speaker 3
I was,
Speaker 5
like, oh my gosh. Like and then the reality of, like, a stillborn baby comes into play. Like, that could have been the reality. And so, of course, like, I had to face that too.
Speaker 4
And I think that's an important point here that I think it's very, very common for first time moms, especially if they're birthing without an experienced birth keeper to kinda reassure them. It doesn't look or feel how you think it will. And and and also what it physically like, how hard it is coming down, then when you like, internally how it feels. But then when you touch it or see it, it, like, doesn't add up. Yeah. You know what I mean? It it's kind of disorienting. And and I yeah. I think that's important to kind of highlight for new women, you know, new moms listening to this, who are pregnant and planning to birth without anybody because it's not unique to be like, what
Speaker 5
the fuck is that?
Speaker 4
Yeah. Like, is that a head? Is that a butt? Is that an arm? Is that even alive? Like, what even is that? And Yeah. That's normal. You know? I think I think most of us wonder that.
Speaker 5
Yeah. Like, all of that went through my head. Yeah. Totally. What's going on? And it wasn't super clear that it was ahead until he started crowning. Like Yeah. Then they're zipped out. Yeah. Exactly.
Speaker 4
I can still feel it.
Speaker 5
You're so fresh out of it. I I remember I I posted somewhere, I think in the membership about, like, having these, like, pushy contractions for so long. I'm just like, is this normal? Like, I just I feel like I'm just pushing and pushing and pushing and nothing's happening. And when when he was born, he did have, like, bruising up on his temples and forehead, so he was definitely lodged in there pretty good. But when it finally got to the morning of the ninth, got through the night again, And around ten thirty or eleven is when I had Rob fill up our bathtub, which is just a tub shower, so it's small. It's not the most comfortable to be, like, laboring in. I tried it once, and I was like, no. Get me out of here. I went back to the birth pool, but I needed, like, that relief of the hot water.
Speaker 0
But I
Speaker 5
had him do that again because at this point, the pool was cold and Mhmm. Had, like, coconut oil floating on the top surface from my skin.
Speaker 4
Yeah. You need a change
Speaker 5
of scenery. I was like, that's just I don't wanna be in there anymore. Done. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So
Speaker 4
I mean, a sixty hour birth, you're gonna use every corner of your house. You're gonna go and try everything. Yeah. Okay. So you get into your tiny tub.
Speaker 3
Got into the tiny tub. And
Speaker 5
when I when I started crowning finally, Rob is just like, okay. Yeah. That's ahead. That's ahead.
Speaker 3
Like, he's like, you're doing it. Keep going. Like, it is just encouraging me. And there's,
Speaker 5
like, a little bar in the shower, so I was, like, holding on to the bar and basically, like, doing the, like, this wide, like, sumo squat in the tub. And I pushed out his head that way, and it was just, like, such a relief to get his head out. And I was like I felt down, and I felt his head, and I was just like, okay. Like, I was kind of in shock. I was just like I was like, this baby is actually coming out of me. And then I kinda just maneuvered and got, like, not totally on my back, but, like, a little bit reclined to give him some space.
Speaker 3
With his head out. Wow.
Speaker 5
To give him some space to come out. And I was just like, he's coming right now. Like, I could tell.
Speaker 3
And I was like, he's coming right now, and he
Speaker 5
just flew out into the water. And Rob grabbed him up and brought him to me, and his core was really short, so I could only, like, lift him up to my belly. But he started crying right away and just a tiny little, like, soft cry. Even to this day, his cry is, like, very soft. Aw. It's never sounded annoying to me, which that might be just, you know, he's my baby.
Speaker 4
But Well, they don't they don't all have soft cries.
Speaker 5
Exactly. Yeah. It's a nice soft cry, and he was face up. So the the back labor and, like, the hard labor made more sense to me once I realized he was, you know, sunny side up as they say. Yeah. And we just sat in the tub for, like, an hour, and, I tried to get him to latch, and I couldn't get him to latch. That was, like, a whole another journey. It was it was a rough start for our breastfeeding journey. But I I had harvested some colostrum and was able to syringe feed him for the first time.
Speaker 4
Oh, it was, like, really bad.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Oh.
Speaker 5
Yeah. He had, I had a lactation consultant come over when he was two days old, and he had lip, buccal, and tongue ties. And we got those all released when he was two weeks old. But for those first couple weeks, I mean, I was pumping and bottle feeding and formula feeding to because my supply wasn't keeping up. And it was sucks. Yeah. It was a whole thing.
Speaker 4
And then after the revision, were you able to figure it out with him?
Speaker 5
Yeah. By the time we hit, like, two and a half months, he was fully breastfed. Amazing. But it yeah. It took some time, and it was, like
Speaker 3
Oof.
Speaker 5
That was I was not expecting that, like,
Speaker 4
at all.
Speaker 5
I thought that part would be way more useful.
Speaker 4
I mean, it would have been without those freaking ties.
Speaker 5
Yeah. You
Speaker 4
know? Like, it's nothing that you did. Right.
Speaker 5
You know
Speaker 4
what I mean? Yeah. That's so hard.
Speaker 5
Yeah. Yeah. He couldn't. It was Poor baby.
Speaker 4
It was tough.
Speaker 5
But he he's doing great now, and he was doing great then, after we figured all that out. Mhmm. Just definitely an unexpected hurdle that we had to get through, which I'm great at going through those at this point. So but, yeah, we just kinda hung out in the tub for a little bit after he was born. I also passed a very large clot along with the placenta, when I birthed that about an hour later. It was, like, the size of a baseball. It was, like, four inches wide and, like, round. And I decided that one? Yeah. Just that one clot. I really didn't bleed a whole lot, which was nice. Like, very minimal bleeding. And then I decided to just put the placenta in the freezer, and it's still there. I was thinking we were gonna, like, plant it in the spring, but it just didn't feel right. And I I feel like probably on his first birthday, we'll end up doing something with it that feels more more special. I don't know why yet. We might just bury it.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
But Yeah. So, I mean, right after right after birth, then it's like breastfeeding drama for the next two months, it sounds like, which is oh, god. I feel for you. That's so intense.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
And and so how does I guess, kind of in in in, like, wrapping this up, how would you say the year long pregnancy and that end of the year, you know, reset, and how does that all influence because then you go into the sixty stories out there of that because
Speaker 5
Right.
Speaker 4
Most women aren't birthing without medical providers, and a long labor is going to be pathologized and and interrupted, Yeah. Way before it reaches sixty freaking hours. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I would imagine that there's so many lessons wrapped up that then serve you not just in your sixty hour birth, but then in this nursing
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
Struggle and, yeah, just kind of, like, who are you after all of this and anything you wanna speak to about that.
Speaker 5
Yeah. I feel like this whole situation has just taught me so much about trust and about patience. And, you know, I had a moment where I was like, you know, I I consider myself a pretty intuitive person, but when I realized that I didn't actually realize I had a miscarriage, I'm like, well, was my intuition, like, leading me astray? Like, was I not, you know, as intuitive during this pregnancy as I thought I was because I didn't catch that? And I kind of beat myself up about that a little bit. Like, how did I not know? You know? But at the same time, I was still in high spirits, and I feel like that really encouraged the next baby to come through. You know? We were still very open to there being life growing inside me. And so there was Mhmm. You know, after some time. But, yeah, overall, I'm just I'm a very easygoing person, very adaptable. Something, like, I'm waiting for something. I like, I'm a I'm a very patient person.
Speaker 3
Clearly. I
Speaker 5
I I mean, I guess
Speaker 4
I'm surprised you didn't name your son Patience.
Speaker 5
I did look up names
Speaker 3
for that.
Speaker 4
That meant that? Yeah. That meant that.
Speaker 5
I didn't I didn't find anything I liked. His name is Wilder, and we decided on that name long before the wild pregnancy journey got wilder and wilder, but it just seemed very fitting at the end of everything. But, yeah, I feel like whenever I do have another baby, it's going to feel like a breeze. Although, I'll probably be slapped with something else unexpected.
Speaker 4
Oh, guaranteed. Guaranteed.
Speaker 5
But, hopefully, I'll at least know how pregnant I am. That'll be nice to
Speaker 0
Mhmm.
Speaker 5
Not be mentally pregnant for fifty four weeks. Oh. Because,
Speaker 3
yeah.
Speaker 4
Amazing. I love this story.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
And I'm so proud of you for sticking with the breastfeeding. You know? It's it's understandable that lots of women don't in those circumstances. And, you know, I hope I hope that is a takeaway from the story that women hear, especially who are listening on the brink of of birth, you know, is there is there is hope on the other side of the revisions, and, you know, you don't know what baby will be born with these ties. They're so prevalent. And
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
I'm sure there's a lot of misdiagnosed stuff and stuff you can do without it. But when it's severe, like, you you kinda gotta do it if you wanna nurse. And Yeah. I know plenty of free birthing mothers who their babies have, you know, really extreme ties. And and if they stick with it and they get the revisions and and they stick with it, you know, and they do the right rehab afterwards, and Mhmm. They have beautiful, beautiful, long nursing relationships, and you're one of those women to live to tell the tale. And it's so important because so many women are just like, this is never gonna work. You know? Yeah.
Speaker 5
And it definitely felt like that for a while. And I, you know, I was like, is it something with my anatomy too? Like, not having, like, super protruding nipples or something. Like, is it harder for him to to latch because of my body? And, you know, looking into that, I'm like, I I know that that's not a factor. And, yeah, and I have yeah. My my chiropractor, she would talk to me about getting her baby's ties revised, and she was like, oh, yeah. After about three weeks, it was like smooth sailing. And I hit, like, the six week mark after it, and I was still struggling. And I'm like, I'm like, it's gotta come to an end sometime. Like Yeah. And it did. It did. Yeah. It was, like, two and a half months of struggling with that.
Speaker 4
That that's what? Like, ten weeks?
Speaker 5
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that was, like, eight weeks after his ties were revised that we finally got it down.
Speaker 3
Mhmm.
Speaker 4
So yeah. That's good for women to hear.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Well, you're a warrior mother. Thank you. Seriously. Just for sticking with it and and, like, staying, you know, steady on the course and and reaping the benefits. You know? It's amazing.
Speaker 5
Yeah. Yeah. I was very determined to establish a breastfeeding relationship. I was very determined to have this birth how I intended to have it no matter how long I had to wait for it. So Amazing. I love it.
Speaker 4
I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 5
Definitely proud of myself too.
Speaker 3
Mhmm. Good.
Speaker 5
Just stick with it. It was well worth it.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 5
Thank you. And and you helped me out too, talking Oh, yeah. Helped me talk through stuff. And
Speaker 3
and
Speaker 5
thanks for having this podcast too, because I'll tell you, I listened to so many while I was pregnant. And just hearing other women's stories
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 5
That's that was, like, one of my biggest motivational factors is knowing that there are so many variables as to how this can go. And I'm just like, just because my story doesn't look like somebody else's doesn't mean it's not Bad. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 4
Mhmm. Exactly. Well, that that's why we have to tell these stories. It's exactly what what you just said. Yeah. Mhmm. Alright. Thanks, Rachel.
Speaker 5
Thank you.
Speaker 2
And that's it for today, my sisters. Check out everything we do, including one on one and group coaching. Learn about our private membership, in person retreats, and more on free birth society dot com. Our online courses are on free birth society courses dot com, including our flagship course, the complete guide to free birth. Don't miss the radical birth keeper school if you're ready to become the authentic midwife that women are searching for. Together we rise, and the revolution starts inside each of us. I'll leave you with our free birth society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 3
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line we define from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons all your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back to the star. Conscious conception. Conscious conception. Wild woman, she still lives in inside. Wild woman,
