Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom check since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Hello, women. Today on the show, I am welcoming Nina, a graduate of the Radical Birthkeeper School. Nina lives out in Northern California and was transferred to the hospital in her first pregnancy after a intended home birth with a medical midwife because her blood pressure turned out to be higher than what the medical midwife was willing to support. She was induced and kept in the hospital for days on end and was imprinted with the story that Nina was broken and could not, would not birth naturally. Nina tells us today the beautiful story of her intentionally rewriting her internal stories throughout her second pregnancy. Leaning more and more into trust, self discovery, and intuition as she prepares for her sovereign birth at home. Her free birth story is a simple, inspiring example of how easefully birth works when we don't complicate it and when we do the real work of learning to trust ourselves. This is the work that choosing sovereignty primes us for and what Nina showcases in her powerful growth. She also shares about her amazing postpartum and how being initiated into this redemptive birth showed her that she really can do anything, that she is the catalyst for her own power. On that note, I am so excited to announce to you all that we have officially opened up the wait list for our newest, our biggest, most world changing program yet, drum roll please, the Matra Birth Midwifery Institute. MMI is the gold standard online intensive midwifery school. It's a year long powerful accelerator program that's going to take you from the sidelines into the center of the professional birth arena. So picture this, independent midwifery meets Leading Edge Business School meets life changing conscious leadership tools. MMI will have literally everything you need to fully uplevel yourself, your life, and your career as a midwife. Yolanda and I have so many women reach out to us with their successes as radical birth keepers but wanting more, wanting a longer container of mentorship and seeking the level two of what we offer. And so this is it. The entire twelve months is supported by five epic additional spotlight teachers. You can go find out who on the website. And every student gets placed in a small mentorship pod to travel with every single month. There's really too much to say about it. So go to free birth society dot com slash m m I wait list and check it out. We really can't wait to be in a high level container with you for a whole year of mentorship where you can really tap into our combined forty years of wisdom and lived experience in midwifery. The Radical Birthkeeper School is your first step. And if you haven't heard, we halved the price to make it way more accessible to women all over, and enrollment opens on Monday. So go sign up for the RBK school, and then get yourself on the wait list for MMI because classes begin in September. And we cannot wait to support the women who are really ready to take sovereign midwifery to the next level. Let's change the world. And, actually, Nina, like so many stories on this podcast, is a living example of how desperately women want real, sovereign, integrity based midwives and how very few there actually are out there. So you can be one of them. Ah, I'm just so excited. Okay. Let's dive into her story now, and I'll drop all the links in the show notes for you to explore about our program. Alright. Welcome to the show, Nina.
Speaker 3
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2
Calling in from where I met my husband in Santa Cruz. It's kinda cool.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
It's too bad we didn't know each other when we were have you been there for a long time?
Speaker 3
I grew up here. Yeah. I've been in Bonnydoon now for almost five years, I think.
Speaker 2
We are here to cover two birth stories. Your little one, your free birth baby is four months at the time of this recording. You took RBK, so I got to know you a little bit in there. And so just take us back to the beginning. Who are you as you, get pregnant for the first time, and what, what how are you, like, orienting around birth at that stage of your life?
Speaker 3
Yeah. So I guess I'd like to start with my first pregnancy, which ended in a miscarriage in twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen, twenty eighteen, because that was really the beginning of kind of my exploring the system and and and birth and where I fall in that world. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I have a little brother who's seven years younger than me and pretty much felt like I've been a mom since I was seven years old. And I pursued a career in child care for most of my adult life just because I love kids and wanted to learn as much about raising kids before I had my own. So when my husband and I were more or less ready to have a kid, we got pregnant, I think, twenty eighteen. And, we weren't really sure, if that was gonna be the right time for us. So it's kind of a surprise. We decided to go for it, and then I had a miscarriage around eleven weeks. And I started bleeding around eight weeks. So and I went into the it was and so I'll just backtrack just a second. Like, I've always known I wanted a home birth. My mom had all her babies at home. That's part of my community. I just always knew I would do a home birth and have a midwife. Like, that was just it wasn't, like, it was a fear of mine to ever go to a hospital, basically, at all. So I grew up with that in that world of not wanting to engage in the system, but still in this pregnancy, I was like, oh, I'm pregnant. I guess I'll go to the doctor. That's what you do. Right? And I didn't have a lot of friends yet who had had kids, so I was just going with what I thought I should do. Even though I knew eventually I would want a home birth, I decided to go to the doctor, mainstream clinic, just had one checkup, I think, at, like, six weeks, like, super early on. And then I started bleeding around eight weeks and then went in for, intravaginal ultrasound. And that was, like and everything they said everything was fine and then ended up miscarrying around eleven weeks. So that was really devastating, but it set us on a path of, like, yes, we wanna have kids. And after that trip or after that pregnancy, we decided to go on a big trip. And our daughter was conceived exactly nine months, like, around the due date of that miscarried baby. She was conceived in Ireland, and that was twenty nineteen. So that was ama that was just beautiful to have her spirit. And we were so happy, and it was so ready. And even though life was very unknown at the time, we were moving back to Santa Cruz and into Bonnie Doon and kind of didn't really know what where we were gonna live or what we were doing. We were just so excited to have our baby on the way. And I still had a lot of fear of miscarrying again. So I waited, I think, till I was thirteen weeks to seek out midwifery care. I hadn't heard of free birth at all at the time, so I was still just like, okay. I'll get I'll just get a midwife. But also at the time, we didn't really have, like, a home base, and we were still figuring out where our home was. So I chose the midwife that was at the birthing center in town. It's the only birthing center in town and just basically the only choice of midwife. And I kinda knew her, and I liked her. So I went with her. Pregnancy was pretty straightforward. Like, my physical symptoms were normal, you know, nauseous, blah blah blah, all the things. And then I just cut to the birth, I guess, because pregnancy was yeah. The only, like, stress in that pregnancy was moving, figuring out where to be kinda big stress. But, we ended up finding our house when I was, like, seven months pregnant. So we moved there. And then at that point, we were planning to give birth at home. And I had some fears, but mostly I was my midwife was super confident. I was confident that everything was gonna be fine. But it was at, like, the eight month ish mark that my blood pressure started going up. Oh, jeez. Yeah. So that was, unexpected. And, also, just my midwife was every time, like, preeclampsia was, like, mentioned, it was kind of like, oh, well, we'll just we won't talk about that. Like, you know, like, we don't need to talk about it. And, like, I'm like, okay. Whatever. I don't know anything. Like, I'm not gonna, like, research things that could go wrong before they go wrong. But once my blood pressure started going up, like, every visit, it was, like, steadily rising. I started to, you know, research, like, what to do, what to do. I gotta get this blood pressure down. Like, I can't they can't attend if your blood pressure goes over one forty over ninety. And I was, like, reaching that point. And I was, so pretty much I was at thirty nine weeks, and my blood pressure was around that range. And they were kind of saying, like, if it continues to be like this, we're not gonna be able to attend you at home. Like, we're not gonna be able to do a home birth. So I was devastated and grieving and just, yeah, like, so upset that I wouldn't get my dream birth. Like, there was no other option that I knew of. Totally. So, yeah, I was thirty nine weeks and three days or four days or something, and my water started to break. We were kinda talking to the baby, like, it's time. Like, things are getting a little funky here. Like, let's let's get this going. And then my water started to break on its own, just trickle. I went to yoga that night and, like, had amniotic fluid just, like, trickling out of me all over the yoga props. And, and then that night was the night that my midwives were like, yeah. You gotta go in to the hospital. Like, my my the one midwife who was my main one was like, let's sleep tonight and go tomorrow. And then she, like, called her other midwife who's, like, over I don't know. She's, like, more experienced, I guess. And, she said, you gotta go tonight just based on the numbers. She doesn't even know me. Like, I met her once. So and I can really I have the memory that memory of that decision is, like, so clear in my my body and my mind of, like, I felt like everything was fine. Like, my my intuition was saying, like, you're okay. Like, you don't need to you know, there's no need. This is not an emergency. But I was just I didn't have the awareness at the time to say no.
Speaker 2
So then can you can you summarize what then happens in the hospital?
Speaker 3
Yeah. So so get to the hospital. They basically are like, okay. Well, it's time. Oh, you'll love this. They said the midwife that came came into the hospital said, it's time to get on the labor train to baby town. And and, yeah, just started the induction process. Even and my midwife was like, let's not tell them that your water started to break already because then you get that time limit. So we didn't say anything about that. And I just disassociated, like, as soon as I got there. Like, this is not what I want. I'm, you know, very uncomfortable. I don't like hospitals. I don't like all these strangers looking at me. I don't want an IV in me. I didn't want any of it. So, yeah, I just disassociated. And and luckily, my body knew exactly what to do because they gave me servodil, which is the first thing they do in the induction process, which is, like, it's supposed to just ripen your cervix, I guess. So they gave me that, and then, like, an hour later, it was, like, midnight by then, I was having full on contractions, just just zero to sixty, like, active labor. And they took it out of me. I was, like, puking and pooping everywhere. It was, like, so fast. And my water started to break more. So, yeah, midnight labor starts. They took the Cervedil out, and I had to I had the monitor on me. Like, it was a wireless one, I think. So that was the only, like, annoying part of my labor was having that monitor on me other than and, like
Speaker 2
Did they not give you BP medicine? No. Oh, they must have been real concerned.
Speaker 3
Right? I know. So, yeah, I didn't get anything other than the servo dill. That was all I had.
Speaker 2
And they still get paid. The birth center still gets paid for such a late transfer.
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah. I mean, I was paying out of pocket for my midwife. It was like that was that was that. Yeah. And she was there. She was there for the birth. Yeah. So, yeah, twelve hours later, my daughter was born perfectly healthy, and Wow. It was beautiful. It was amazing. My mom was there. My best friend was there getting it on video, and everyone was watching me. Like, so many strangers around, but my I was just in my zone, and it didn't didn't phase me. The only part of my labor that I do remember clearly is that transition. When my sound started to change, everybody in you know, everybody got all flustered, like, okay. Let's bring in the the midwife. Like, where do you wanna sit? And I'm like, I don't like, I don't know. Leave me alone. So I remember that transition point being, like, very, like, woah. What's going on? Like, I guess I'm pushing out. And then I have a video of it, so I was able to look back and see what was going on. Like, the midwife had her fingers in my yoni, like, stretching. The whole time, I was pushing. Mhmm. And so when I saw that, I was just like, oh my god. That's yeah. I'm just so sad. Again, I don't want that. I don't want anyone touching me. So I just had to I had some grief about all of that. And then, but the birth itself was beautiful and perfect, and my baby was perfect, and we were so happy. But then it was the it was the most of the trauma from that experience happened in the the days after, like, the immediate postpartum because I my blood pressure so, like, with preeclampsia, they say delivery is the cure and then you're good. For me, my blood pressure stayed high, elevated, whatever. And so it was four or five days before I could go home. And that's what the point where they gave me the blood pressure medication because they were like, just take these pills and go home. Because I was like, you guys gotta let me go. I can't be here anymore. This is horrible. Because when you're in the hospital there, and they're monitoring you for for that, you know, whatever having a stroke or whatever the concern is with preeclampsia is they're, you know, coming in every four hours, checking my every you know, checking my, reflexes, taking my blood pressure. It's just like yeah. That to me was the most traumatic part was having all of that.
Speaker 2
Do you do you think you had preeclampsia?
Speaker 3
I don't think I had preeclampsia. Yeah. I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia based on my blood pressure numbers and my liver enzymes being elevated. I don't think I had protein in my urine, which is, like, one of the main things. I don't think I had that. I didn't have any physical symptoms. Like, I wasn't swelling. I didn't feel different.
Speaker 2
They'll often also call some of that pre pre
Speaker 3
eclampsia. Mhmm. Yeah. So, basically, I had
Speaker 2
It's not funny. It's not funny.
Speaker 3
Basically, I had high blood pressure, and that was enough cons in the system, that's enough concern to be monitored in the hospital. Mhmm. And so I get it that, like, they don't know what causes it or what it could do. So their their thing is, like, if we don't know, then we're just gonna
Speaker 2
Well and their job is to prepare for a worst case scenario.
Speaker 3
Exactly.
Speaker 2
So the fact that a mom at the end of her pregnancy has a high BP means be on the lookout for stroke. Yeah. Like, that's the system you buy into when you have a medical midwife at a birth center. Right? Like, the without knowing it, the Mhmm. The small narrow, what's the word, like, chart that you have to fit into to be Yeah. Allowed and supported to have a baby outside of an OB.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So I was outside of I was outside of normal. Mhmm. And,
Speaker 2
Well, you were outside of their guidelines.
Speaker 3
Exactly. I was outside of the guidelines of normal. So, therefore, I could not have the home birth that I had envisioned. So how does see?
Speaker 2
How does that shape you? Like, how do you emerge from that birth, and how long does it take you to start critiquing it and just kind of have that go into your free birth journey.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I was it within the first year of motherhood, I was I found Free Birth Society and was like, woah. Okay. It totally blew my mind. I was like, oh, you can do whatever you want. You're Oh, wow. Like, what? You can take I'm in a dumpster. To be God. You can take responsibility for yourself and not have other people tell you what to do. It was just, like, amazing. And, you know, I became a mom January twenty twenty. It was, like, twenty twenty was just the year of completely cracking open the system and where I fit in it and who I am in this world.
Speaker 2
And you're in California. And I'm in California,
Speaker 3
which was so crazy. But luckily, we had moved to the mountains, and we're just like it was a beautiful year.
Speaker 2
It's twenty twenty. How does that birth shape you? When do you start critiquing it? You find FBS. Is that, like, the immediate, like, oh, shit. I got duped? Like, what what happens for you?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Pretty much I found Free Birth Society and was like, oh, this I I could have given birth at home, basically. I didn't ever think anything was wrong with me. Like, I had I mean, I was left scarred with trauma and fears that something's wrong with my body and, you know, I had to go to the hospital because something was wrong with me. And and I continued to get into that story with the system, like, postpartum. For a couple months. I was, like, going back for them to check my blood pressure and stuff. And so, yeah, it took me maybe six months or so to be like, what am I doing? Like, why am I engaging in this system? Like, I do not feel good about myself. I feel like something's horribly wrong with me. Nobody's reflecting back to me that my baby's perfect and or that well, everyone's like, of course, your baby's perfect, but nobody's reflecting back to me that, like, I did this. Like, I made a perfect human and, like, I'm doing I'm thriving. I'm doing well. I would just kept getting the messages like you're broken and you're not yeah. You'll and and I knew I wanted more kids and it was and after that birth, I was like, I don't know if I can do it again. Like, I'm really scared that I'm I'm gonna have high blood pressure again and die, basically, like, if I don't go to the hospital. So and I do not wanna give birth in the hospital again. That was very clear to me. So I got pregnant again, and my daughter was two and a half. And we, yeah, I mean, we consciously conceived, I would say, because we knew we wanted more. The timing was just the timing was what it was. We were on Hawaii, so it was we were kinda just on vacation mode, which is what I needed to fully allow, that pregnancy to come forth. And I knew from before we were pregnant, my husband and I had talked about free birth and, yeah. So we had about two and a half years to kinda work on on I I had that time to work on myself and and realize, like, free birth is what I want and then committed to that. And once I was really actually pregnant, it was like, okay. I can now it's time to do the do the deep work to really get that, you know, have that birth that you really want and birth and power. And, so I didn't take a pregnancy test even though I really wanted to. Knew we were pregnant. Like, I knew we had sex when I was ovulating. It was, like, obvious that I was pregnant. But that that was, like, two weeks before I started feeling nauseous. It was like, I really wanna know for sure. But I waited, and then I got really nauseous. And it was rough rough times. But got through that nausea, rest of the pregnancy, physically, was was really good. I felt really healthy. I was monitoring my own blood pressure, because I have this story that if I'm if I don't do that, it's irresponsible. Like, I'm doing you know, I'm since I'm not going to the doctor or doing anything with the system, I I have to do that for myself. So I was monitoring it until and I'll say too that my blood pressure had always stayed elevated. Like, one thirty over eighty was my new normal, and, like, one twenty over seventy is, like, quote, unquote normal. So I was monitoring it until about the third trimester when it did start to get a little higher. And then I was like, I can't do this anymore. Like, it's just bringing me so much stress. Like, the stress of getting my blood pressure taken, it's it's enough to raise it. You know? Like, I'm just I have so much anxiety around my blood pressure because of having to what I went through with my first pregnancy that, yeah, I feel like I shouldn't be dying.
Speaker 2
Can you speak a little bit more about, like, the full rejection of the medical system? Because, like, why not have a home birth med wife that helps you assess? And then if she wants to transfer, you would just stay home or, like
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
No. Like like what most people do.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I didn't wanna fight somebody. Like, I I'm I'll just say, like, twenty twenty and that birth experience in general just made me very averse to anybody telling me what to do. Like, I'm already that way, and then twenty twenty was like, mm-mm. No. Do not tell me what to do with my body, with my health, with my children. Like, I know what's best for me and my family. So just stay out of my business. So that really, like, you know, was quite strong. That side of me became very fierce and strong. And I I had, many friends have kids right after me in in those two years, and they all had midwives. And most of them transferred for one reason or another. And I just said, this is not right. Something is not right about this. Like, they and they were nonemergency transfers. Of course. They were just stalled labor or baby stuck or stuff like that. So it just made me really question the licensure of midwifery and that yeah. Like, I'm not gonna hire somebody and then at the end, fire them after I've given them all my money. Like, that didn't make any sense to me. And I did look into, birthkeepers, like, graduates of RBK school, and I I toyed with the idea of having, somebody there. But everybody well, the one woman was pregnant at the exact same time as me, which was cool because we just became friends and had our babies one day apart.
Speaker 2
Cute.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So it was great to be you know, connect with her. But it it was like everybody I kept trying to reach out to either was pregnant or wasn't available. So I just thought, okay. Like, I I really don't need anybody. I really do feel confident that, you know, me and my husband can do this. Like, he was totally on board and, yeah, Just felt like I act what I actually really wanted when I when I looked at what I wanted was, I just wanted it to be me and my husband. Mhmm. And that's that's what ended up happening. So, yeah, I will say in my pregnancy, like or I guess I'll say that, in my journey with the high blood pressure pre preeclampsia diagnosis stuff, I did go on, like, some health research and, you know, change my diet a little bit. Like, I already had a pretty good diet, but I did do, like, the I got more into Weston A. Price Foundation diet and the root cause protocol. And, like, I did kinda, like, do some fleshing out of health. But then at a certain point, I was like, this is just you know, I just have high blood pressure. Maybe this is just a thing for me. And what really helped me heal that story was that, just connecting to my intuition and trust that, like, I'm okay. And I know what it feels like when it's not when I'm not okay. So just, like, knowing myself and where I fall on that, Like, I I'll know if something's not okay, basically. So just really, like, fine tuning that trust was huge for me in rewriting this story that I'm broken and, you know, need somebody to say someone to save me. And, yeah, during that pregnancy, my dad passed away, you know, which obviously was a lot to process during during a pregnancy anytime. And then that winter was, like, the craziest storms ever. And, like, we had a a branch from a redwood tree come through our roof on, like, a crazy stormy night. Oh my god. So there was a quite a bit of, like, intense stress and things going on in that pregnancy that really, like, tested my Wait.
Speaker 2
Wait. Wait. Were you asleep?
Speaker 3
Oh, we were trying to sleep. It was so loud.
Speaker 2
Okay. So were you awake
Speaker 3
when the branch actually, yeah. We were asleep when the branch came through. And where in the house? Two shards of glass, like, all over us.
Speaker 2
Wait. It went through the roof.
Speaker 3
Yeah. It went through. So it it it's like we lived in a cob house. It was like a year it had, like, an oculus window on top. Oh. It went through that window, and usually we'd be sleeping on the the loft, but that night was so intense and we were hearing things falling on the roof that we're Oh, fuck that. As we go down. Oh my god. Let's try to be as safe as we can. Like, we're not gonna it was, like, middle of the night in a storm. Like, we're not gonna drive anywhere. The safest thing we could do is just, like, get in the lowest corner of the house. Oh my god. And so that was the scariest night of my life. Like, that was so scary. And I felt fear like I've never felt. And I was, like, praying like I've never prayed. And, honestly, like, that experience during this pregnancy was so remarkable because I really, like, got into this fear, like, what it feels like when something is really not okay you know, really not good. And knowing that, like, I will do whatever I need to do, Like, your your instincts just kick in. Like, I will do what I need to do to stay safe and keep my family safe. And having that, like, confidence with the birth really helped me know that, like, if something's wrong, if some you know, if there's, like, anything wrong, I will know, and I will do what I need to do to stay safe and keep my family safe. Like, we want to live, basically. Right. We wanna live. We want our babies to live, and we will do whatever we can to make that happen. So, yeah, I mean, the biggest fears in having free birth and, you know, not having any one there is, like, am I gonna die or is my baby gonna die? Like, those are just that's the biggest fear. And, yeah, I I mean, I just got to a point. And with the help of being in the RBK school during, like, my second and third trimester, really got to the point of, like, I am so confident in my choices that whatever happens, I know is the right thing. Like, the faith, the the choice, like, the following intuition, I just knew what I needed to do. And I had to, at that point, trust that, everything was gonna be okay no matter what no matter what happened.
Speaker 2
Alright. So take us into your into your birth story.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So then, let's see. My so my daughter was born at thirty nine weeks, like, relatively on her time. And so once I hit forty weeks with this pregnancy, I was like, Okay. Are Are you gonna come yet? Like, I thought you were maybe gonna come, like, you know, this you think it's gonna be the same or something. But yeah. And then I so I think I yes. I wait I felt like I was waiting for about a week. I was like, hey. Are you gonna come yet? Like, I'm ready for you. And he was a very quiet baby. Like, he moved around, but, like, spiritually, he was not telling me anything. He was not coming to my dreams. He we knew he was a boy because my daughter knew it was a brother, and we were feeling that too. So we knew it was a boy, but we really didn't know anything else. And no yeah. It was just weird for me not to have any communication. But I knew he was good, and I was just surrendering to his timing. And I started let's see. I started losing my mucus plug around, like, forty one weeks. And that was, like, a couple days of, a couple days of in the night having, like, a little more serious sensations. I could still sleep, but they were, like, kinda feel I was, like would wake up and be like, I could have a baby by the morning. Like, this is it. But then I would end up just going back to sleep. And then during the day, it was this, like, normal day. So and I knew, like, losing my mucus plug was a sign things were happening. So I kinda felt like for a couple days, things are happening. Like, could be a while, but I'm just gonna I'm just gonna, like, go with the flow here. And then I think it was a Sunday. Yeah. So that was, like, Friday and Saturday. And then Sunday, I rested all day. I was just like, I I really feel like it's gonna happen soon, so I'm just gonna rest. And I put my daughter to bed around eight o'clock and fell asleep with her up in our loft. And she, yeah, I woke up around ten. Or my husband came in. He was, like, outside whittling a spoon, and he comes in, and he's like, I just broke my spoon. And then I I wake up and go pee and hear a pop and my water breaks. And it just starts trickling. It's not like a huge gush, but it trickles. And I I really I start, like, kinda shivering, shaking, and feeling like I'm gonna have diarrhea. And and it was, like, zero to sixty. Just my water started breaking, and it was on. And, and I labored for about an hour inside. Like, we had, like, a our our bathroom was outside, like, that like, a bathhouse toilet situation outside. So I brought, like, a toilet inside so I could sit on the toilet and labor on the toilet, labor on the bed. Every time my husband would, like, come in, I would, like it would hurt so much more. That's funny. He was just, like, doing like, he is just, like, the kinda guy who's, like, things need to get done. I'll just do it. So, like, as soon as I'm in labor, he's, like, getting the things ready. And, yeah, I I I had it in my head that I would wanna be alone my my labor. But every time he would come in the room, I would just, like it would hurt so bad. I would need him and
Speaker 2
Oh, interesting.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I I would, like, put on this, like, oh god. It's so intense and, like, want him there.
Speaker 2
Feel bad for me.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Feel bad for me. Aren't I amazing? This is so hard.
Speaker 2
It is interesting what happens when you're alone and you don't have anyone to say that stuff to. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And and, yeah, I did notice the contractions that he was not there for. I just you know, it was still hard, but I was, like, not as, like, ah. I was doing it. So, yeah, for an hour, I was doing that, and then I was like, I know it's too soon, but I really need the bath. And my vision the whole time was that I wanted to have him in the bath. And I it had only been an hour, but I was like, we gotta go to the bath. Like, I need that comfort of the warm water. So we went to he he our bathhouse was, like, outside, and we went out there. And then, like, every contraction, he was pouring hot water on my back. I was on my hands and knees, kinda, like, leaned over the side of the tub. And it felt so good to have that warm water. Mhmm. It was just heaven. So, yeah, I was only in there for about an hour, and then he so, yeah, my water breaks down ten AM, and then the I say the only mistake that he made was he told me what time it was at midnight. He's like, it's midnight, And he's thinking, like, maybe I'll call because my mom was on a backup call for if we needed her for my daughter or if we just needed her. She was on backup call. So he's kinda thinking, like, maybe we should call her. Like, I don't wanna be checking in on our daughter and then having to come back. And, so he told me it was midnight, and I was like, it's only been two hours. Like, I can't do this anymore. Like, it was already so hard and so intense. And now I realize that was my transition moment.
Speaker 2
Right. Second time mom, baby.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I was like, I can't do this anymore. And then and then I had the urge to poop. And I was like, why am I pooping right now? This is not supposed to happen after two hours. Like, I should not be pooping. So I, like, got out of the tub or I think I pooped in the tub, and then he and then I'm like, just refill it. Like, we have time. You know? We've got plenty of time.
Speaker 2
Famous last words. Yeah.
Speaker 3
So he's, like, cleaning out the tub and refilling it. I'm on the toilet, like, screaming, like, what the hell is going on? And then, because I had felt to see if there was a head, like, not soon before that. I was and I was like, I don't feel anything. It's probably gonna be a while. And then I felt at that point that I was pooping, and I was like, oh, it's the head. Okay. I was like, duh. I should've known that's what that sensation is. But it was just so fast and so furious, and, like, the pressure on my butt was just so intense. So, yeah, it was, like, between the toilet and the bathtub, and his head was halfway out. And I'm like, I'm having this baby in the bathtub. Did you make it? I made it to the bathtub, and I'm on my hands and knees with, like, I don't know, the two inches of water.
Speaker 2
Like, by god, my kneecaps will be wet. Yes.
Speaker 3
I will have a bathtub. Yeah. And his head's fully out, and my husband's right behind me. And we're both just have our hands on his head, and that's just my my most precious memory is us both with our hands on his head. And, like, I'm feeling his tiny little ears, and my and I'm asking, like, is his whole head out? My husband's like, yeah. I can see his face. And we have our hands on his head, and we're just like, we love you, baby. Like, we're ready for you. Like, we're so so excited to meet you. Next contraction, fully out, cries. Like, I'm in shock just like, what just happened? And he's perfect. I think the first thing I said was he's perfect. Like, he's our baby. And, yeah. So I'm, like, sitting in an inch of lukewarm water and pretty uncomfortable and in shock. And I think my husband goes inside to, like, get the bed ready or something. I don't know. He disappears, and I'm, like, left alone there. Like, oh my god. We just had a baby. We did it. Like, we just fucking did it. And, yeah. So then the cord was long enough that I could hold him and walk out back to the bed and, deliver the placenta on the bed. I was pretty anxious to get the placenta out so I could just be done and rest. And so I'm on the bed, like, yanking on the cord. The placenta comes out. And then at that point, my daughter wakes up. She's up in the loft, and she wakes up. And we're like, Tara, come down and meet your baby brother. The baby's here. And she's like, you know, just wake woke up in the middle of the night. Like, what the heck is that? Looking down at us, and she eventually comes down. And, yeah, we just revel in our new baby that just arrived. And I was trying to remember if I ate something right away or I don't remember. I think we just, like, cuddled up and all went to sleep and woke up the next morning because it was midnight. He was born at twelve thirty AM.
Speaker 2
In your first birth when you were, held in the hospital, other than the stress of that, you felt fine. Right?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. So I had never had a baby before. So postpartum, I don't know if, like, the dizzy feeling or the weak feeling was just because I just had a baby.
Speaker 2
Or Were you dizzy for days or just, like, when you got up the first time kinda thing?
Speaker 3
It was, like, occasional light headedness, maybe. Yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah. With And then how is the immediate postpartum with your free birth?
Speaker 3
I felt totally good. Well, I mean, I never felt any dizziness with this one. Yeah. I'd say that was the only symptom that they were, like, looking out for that I thought that I may have had was dizziness in the first.
Speaker 2
It's just so interesting because when you zoom out, it's like a grieving mother who goes into a scary environment she never wanted to be in with strangers who then disassociates and then is sexually assaulted during the birth, like, when you stack everything, it's like, isn't dizziness like an understandable result as a woman is orienting to the previous twenty four hours. Like right? That's never considered in allopathy. It can't be. It's not a part of that consciousness, but Mhmm. They hone in, you know, on such a specific thing. Okay. High BP. Okay. Okay. That's, like, one I'm not saying that doesn't matter. Right? Everything matters. Every piece every piece of the puzzle matters, but but what does the rest of the puzzle look like, And what else is going on? So it's it's, you know, not lost on me that you have no dizziness in this next birth that is grounded. It's what you wanted. Yeah. It's well supported. It's in your own home. You catch your own baby. They're like, dah dah dah dah. Right? Like Yeah. Okay. That's so that's so deeply relevant to the health of of mother baby, and that's obviously the piece that's missing and kind of the big irony around everyone, you know, being so obsessed with leaving their houses and birthing with strangers and and then proving to themselves that they needed it because something funky presents.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
It's like, well well, right. Like, it it's you've set the tone for something funky. No. I'm not saying you. I mean, like, anyone, you know, to to present. And and who would you be if you birthed in the safest, healthiest, most intact environment?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I mean, I Which
Speaker 2
is why stories like yours matter because then for you to not feel dizzy in this next birth for and after a two hour birth, like, that's pretty damn quick. That's pretty woof.
Speaker 3
That's Yeah.
Speaker 2
That's gonna throw anyone. Right?
Speaker 3
That was intense.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Hell, yeah. It
Speaker 3
is. Yeah.
Speaker 2
But it was also grounded and in your own home. And, like, you had all the pieces biologically, physiologically to handle a two hour birth. Nothing, you know, nothing, like, traumatized you. No.
Speaker 3
It's what my body my body knew what to do, and it just did it. Like, I just I my I just took a step back and let my body do it. And it felt so, healing to just not have to go anywhere after that. Like, that was the most healing piece to this birth for me was, like, I didn't leave the house for two weeks. I stayed in bed. I only let people around me that I love and trust and care about Mhmm. That care about me. And that just felt like the piece that was really missing for me. Mhmm. Yeah. Real my whole like, I was planning for postpartum more than I was planning for the birth. Like, I was just, like, so excited about my postpartum. Totally. And so excited to have another chance to do it because I, last time, didn't do it the way I would have liked to, with what I knew at the time. And yeah. So it's just so healing to be able to just stay in bed and have friends bring us food and not feel like I have to do anything Mhmm. But be in bed with my baby. And definitely takes a lot more planning with the second because there's now a three year old there. Had to, like, get her out of the house every afternoon so I could have a nap. Mhmm. But, yeah, I just it was such a beautiful time, and I really I, like, miss it now at this point in my postpartum, like, four months. I have to, like, do everything now.
Speaker 2
I know.
Speaker 3
With a baby attached to me all the time.
Speaker 2
It's so hard. I miss my postpartum too. I'm I'm coming up on at the time of this recording, his one year is in three days.
Speaker 3
Oh my god.
Speaker 2
Wow. It's like the same season that I birthed in a year ago. Like, my mom is here. Like, there's all these kinda things that feel like it. And yeah. Oh, it was so good. I miss it. So in closing, how would you articulate how like, who you are now and how this has shaped you and and the rest of your life by actualizing this choice.
Speaker 3
At this point, with the reflections that I've had thus far, I feel like there will be more as time goes on. But I feel like it's, really a catalyst for me in believing that I can do anything. Like, I can whatever I put my mind to and commit to, I can do.
Speaker 2
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
That was huge story for me of, like, you know, just the all the can'ts in my life. So just, like, knowing that if I'm really committed to something, like, this birth was I was so committed.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And that's proof. Like, I I did it. Like, I I did it. And, also, for me, like, the story that I had about myself even prior to my first birth just that, like, something's wrong with me. My body is not functioning well. I've always been, like, a bit of a hypochondriac. Like, something's you know, anything to, like, latch onto and be like, I'm I'm ill. Like, this is not right. That story is definitely starting to crumble. I wouldn't say it's fully out, but it's it's starting. I'm starting to to really realize that, my body is wise, that I just proof that, like, I have made two I've had two very beautiful, healthy pregnancies and children come from my body. Like, this body is amazing. It's truly amazing. It's something to be so grateful for and to really believe, you know, that I am I am okay. And, yeah, So those are the main things right now that are coming to mind.
Speaker 2
Love it. It's reminding me of a a birthday attended couple years ago where afterwards, she just kept saying, not even to us, she just, like, kept saying, so sweet. She would go, what can't I do? What can't I do? What can't I do now? What can't I do? What can't I do? And she just kept saying that we were like, yeah.
Speaker 3
Rewrite that shit. Yeah. That's so sweet. It truly is so powerful. It's so powerful.
Speaker 2
Oh, it really is. Amazing. Yeah. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Such an honor to talk to you.
Speaker 2
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it on free birth society dot com and leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the word of Sovereign Birth. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out about all of it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below in the show notes. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, and the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and, of course, our annual women's festival. Our exclusive vetted private membership is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters. Together, we rise. We must speak our stories, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution, and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our epic Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored, eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons all your present. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star. Wild woman, she still lives in Sahar. Wild woman, from you, I will not hide. They could not bend
