00:00:06:00 - 00:00:41:00
Unknown
Into the wild and go into the wild, I am. It's been a while. Freedom, child, since I left my roots back home into I don't go into the wild I had. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home. Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood and beyond.
00:00:41:06 - 00:01:01:00
Unknown
Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative. We'll explore the politics of birth and will analyze everything that relates to our lives as women. From a feminist perspective, here's your host, Emilee Saldaya. Wild freedom check.
00:01:01:02 - 00:01:32:09
Unknown
Saints have left my room bare home. Welcome. Who am? Thank you. Emilee, I'm super happy to be here. And yeah, I just want to say the podcast has been so special in my journey. So yeah, it makes it very special. Even more special to be here with you and share this space. And I guess the podcast is how we were able to even meet at MRF a couple years ago.
00:01:32:14 - 00:01:59:14
Unknown
Yes yes yes yes, exactly. In my journey to to my birth. Yeah. Beautiful. Well, take us at the beginning. Who are you before you become a mom? And what leads you into this crazy, crazy thing called rebirth? Oh, my God, who I was. So at that time, we were living in Montreal, Canada with my husband, and I was, I guess I was completely different person.
00:01:59:15 - 00:02:26:15
Unknown
I was sold a lie that the definition of success was to get a university degree and get a high paying job in a corporation and just climb the corporate ladder. So I was working toward that. And, you know, my everyday goal was to performing at my job, and I was completely disconnected from my womb. Obviously, I was, you know, on the pill for some years now because that's the thing you have to do, right?
00:02:26:16 - 00:02:54:03
Unknown
So so I was yeah, just completely disconnected from my, my, my, my feminine and my womb and my health in general. I would say, until the time where we felt with my husband that we wanted to start our family. And as a performer, I decided that I had to optimize my fertility. So I decided to read about it so that I can get pregnant as soon as possible.
00:02:54:06 - 00:03:17:19
Unknown
And this is, I guess this is where a whole new world opened to me, and I discovered the things that I've never knew before. You know, my early 30s and I was just so frustrated, angry at myself, and did not understand how I didn't know that about my physiology. What are you referring to? What do you discover that you're so upset about?
00:03:17:21 - 00:03:40:15
Unknown
Just the fact of the birth control pill, for example, on the body. And just that you can, you know, your body is giving you signals in your cycle that any point, like just the basic things of human cycle up to that point, for me, my kid was just a nuisance, right? That it needed to remove, you know, by using the birth control pill.
00:03:40:15 - 00:04:04:08
Unknown
So when I started to learn more about my physiology, about my body, about my fatality, I was, yeah, just discovered another world. I had so much reverence. I think right away I felt it really resonated with me. And more than you know, it's not just about charting your cycle. It's really more about this connection, about, you know, with my body and myself.
00:04:04:10 - 00:04:40:12
Unknown
So I started to dig into that. I was learning more about pregnancy, about birth. And I know for some reason, I always felt weird about birthing in a hospital or, you know, seeing an OB. I always felt that, you know, that that pregnancy, that is sickness, right? So I was like, always weird, right? So anyway, I got pregnant quite easily, and then I had the choice to either break in a hospital, choose a birth center, or home birth.
00:04:40:12 - 00:05:09:07
Unknown
And at that time we went with a standalone birth center. Just because I didn't know what I know now, right? And it was, you know, it was cute. And I start center with a nice, you know, birth pool. And it felt good at that time. So we went with that. And so at that point it was already a very radical choice, you know, in my circle and, you know, in my family, like, everybody was giving birth in a hospital and the epidural.
00:05:09:07 - 00:05:34:15
Unknown
And it was like, what? Yeah. You know, what are you doing? What is that? You know, it was really radical. But at that point it felt right for me. We I think I was very lucky to have a midwife who was quite a very, I think, on many things. She actually was Moroccan. And in Morocco she was she used to be home with my wife in a rural areas of Morocco.
00:05:34:16 - 00:05:56:15
Unknown
Then she migrated in Canada and started to work as a midwife with disparate center. And yeah, I think she so she was she used a sphere of scope during my whole the whole pregnancy and the and the and the visits. And so every time she would have to talk about a test, you know, because it was the right time.
00:05:56:15 - 00:06:15:18
Unknown
For example, you know, you're 24 weeks. We have the time to talk about the gist of the abilities test. She's like, okay, I need to talk to you about that. This is this test. This is what it is about. You don't have to do it. And actually, this is my opinion X, Y, and z. So I ended up being like, oh, I don't want to do it the same thing for GBS.
00:06:15:18 - 00:06:38:10
Unknown
So yeah. So she, she didn't push me to do any test when you think so it was. And in general I had a great pregnancy, I felt amazing. I love being pregnant. I was I felt vibrant, healthy, I felt great, yeah. Until until the end I barely had any nausea in the beginning. It was a great, great pregnancy.
00:06:38:12 - 00:06:57:22
Unknown
And so I. At 39 weeks and five days, I started to have sensations. And yeah, my birth lasted like from the active labor to the birth lasted around like 20 hours.
00:06:58:00 - 00:07:24:04
Unknown
We hated going to the birth center, like leading my home, going to the car, leaving the car. It was like horrible. I remember telling my husband, next time I'm saying hope. I was very clear for me. I just hated that. Also, remember that I hated so the midwife wasn't very present, but I really was more comfortable just being with my husband in the room at that time.
00:07:24:07 - 00:07:47:13
Unknown
We also thought it was a good idea to have my mother and my mother in law with oh wow, the double. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so we wanted to have them. So we flew them to, to Canada to stay with us for the prosperity. Okay. Because I'm from Tunisian descent. My husband is from Algerian descent. And we take very seriously.
00:07:47:14 - 00:08:05:21
Unknown
Right. So he is supposed to be here to take care of us. And. Yeah. So when my labor started. Well, okay, I just come with us at birth center, right? It was such a bad idea because I was really my head. I couldn't let go because even if they were not with us in the room, I was like, okay.
00:08:05:22 - 00:08:26:21
Unknown
Like, are they all did they eat? And, you know, is that, you know, maybe it's too long for them. They should go home. And, you know, I was I was not able to, to fully to fully let go. But anyway it was yeah I was unprepared for the intensity. But still it was such intense transformational beautiful. And I was very.
00:08:26:23 - 00:08:46:17
Unknown
Yeah. Transformed by, by the birth. I thought that I wanted a water birth, but I just hated being in the water. I was just like, I remember laboring. I like laboring the water. But then when my body started to to push, I was like, okay, I just want to get out of here. And my husband was like, but you wanted a one birth.
00:08:46:19 - 00:09:18:05
Unknown
Just, just get me out of, you know, I just said it. It. Yeah. And so, yeah, it was a beautiful birth and my postpartum and breastfeeding were quite intense. And, you know, when I reflect the, you know, on it's not necessarily the physical part, I was intense. It's more about my transition to motherhood. Right. Just realizing that was our mother and I was.
00:09:18:07 - 00:09:43:01
Unknown
Yeah, I had this, you know, this baby to take care of. So it took me like a few months to adjust. But then when I yeah, I just it, I just loved and of course to love being a mother, but I just felt completely at ease with it. And yeah, we slept like from the one and a breastfed it was everything felt very, very natural for me.
00:09:43:01 - 00:10:11:22
Unknown
I never really followed my instinct as a mother. I felt so, yeah, everything felt very, very natural. But I think this is where, you know, the programing started, really felt this started really with this connection with my body understanding the, you know, the female physiology. Understand that. Yeah, birth is definitely not a medical emergency. Even if I had I knew that before.
00:10:11:23 - 00:10:39:19
Unknown
It just confirmed it. Yeah. So so I decided to I had such a beautiful experience that I wanted to train as a doula after. That's what trainers do LA, because I wanted women to have the same experience as that. So really, from a hero, you know, point of view, really I wanted to save women. Right? So I quickly then started to attend birth at hospitals.
00:10:39:19 - 00:11:10:03
Unknown
And so basically after the first birth attended, I ended up crying in my car, you know, for a couple of hours before going home was I didn't have the language that it was that it just witnessed abuse, but I just knew it was not normal. I knew it was definitely not normal. But, you know, they just teach you that, you know, it's not your birth and this is their birth and this is how it is.
00:11:10:03 - 00:11:30:14
Unknown
So they chose that. Yeah, exactly. You know, so you just continue, right? You, Yeah. You get on with your trauma and then you just continue one after the other, right? And you're like, how? Like, how is it happening? Like what is happening?
00:11:30:16 - 00:11:47:06
Unknown
Yeah. So so I also I also started to teach women but little ones methods and just really sharing what I, you know, my knowledge about that and making, you know, I really wanted women to feel that.
00:11:47:07 - 00:12:10:02
Unknown
Yeah, they could take charge of their facilities at that point. So then we moved countries. After that we move countries. We went to the Middle East for my husband's job, and I got pregnant. So we wanted to have another kid. We have like there is a big gap between my my daughter and my son, like five years and a half.
00:12:10:04 - 00:12:38:08
Unknown
And it was amazing. And I got pregnant and of 29 and of 2019 and I at that point, it was clear for me that I could not give birth anywhere else. And in my home, I knew so much that, you know about birth at that point that for me, it was, you know, it's going to happen in my home where I live.
00:12:38:08 - 00:13:00:23
Unknown
And fortunately, I didn't have this option. So for me, the plan was to travel back to Europe, where my parents, my parents live, and to hire home birth midwife. You would say, why don't you hold on when you say you wanted to give birth in your home, but you didn't have that option? What you really mean is there are not midwives who would come to your home.
00:13:01:03 - 00:13:26:05
Unknown
Exactly, exactly. So they're not you. You thought that you needed a midwife in order for you to allow birth at home? Oh, yeah. Definitely. Definitely. For me, a home was with a home with me wife. Right? There was no other. So I knew about free birth at that point, and I thought it was beautiful and but it was just not in my radar.
00:13:26:06 - 00:13:55:18
Unknown
It was not for me because I had, you know, the option to have a wife, right? It was. It was. Yeah. Definitely not something that it was just not in my reader. So yeah. So we traveled back to Europe in January 2020, traveled I interviewed some homework midwives and we decided to I would come back like to a couple of months before the birth, you know, rent a place for a few months.
00:13:55:19 - 00:14:26:17
Unknown
Yeah, very complicated, but it was for me. There was no other option at that point. There was no way I could get broken a hospital. And so, yeah, everything was clear. I would move there for a few months and then, you know, have a baby and then come back home. And then Covid happened. Flights canceled, lockdowns everywhere. And I think I was in denial for a long time, you know, being like, oh, you know, like it can't be that serious.
00:14:26:18 - 00:14:52:21
Unknown
You know, it can't be that long. And, you know, people will wake up and, you know, everything will go back to normal quickly. Right? And yeah, so the more my birthing time was approaching, the more realized that it was not going to be the case. Right? So, I remember having, like, nightmares and be like, I can't, I just can't, you know, it was really scary for me.
00:14:52:22 - 00:15:21:12
Unknown
Like the thought of giving birth in our hospital was scary for me. And just one night, I was like, just. I'm like, I'm just going to stay home. Isn't the programing so deep that it's like, the most obvious choice is right in front of you, but it's not even on the table because we have been so programed to believe you have to have a medical provider like God.
00:15:21:13 - 00:15:44:09
Unknown
It's incredible. Right? Like right now, I mean, obviously this is just completely different. But at that time, for me, yeah, it was not even an option. It was. That's it. The only option available for me was that, you know, when I was going to move my family and spend, I don't know how much just to give birth to my baby.
00:15:44:10 - 00:16:13:13
Unknown
Right. It is right not to eat. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Okay. Oh my God. Yeah yeah yeah it was. But at the moment I had the thought and I was like, I can just stay home, I swear. I mean it's like a weight lifted of my shoulder and everything was very clear, straightforward. And I was like, how didn't I think about that before?
00:16:13:14 - 00:16:45:20
Unknown
It was so easy to such an easy, clear choice. Of course I had like, doubts and fears, you know, come up. You know, in that journey, however, I knew that it was the choice for me. You know, it was more about dealing with my fears than questioning that choice. So for me, it was very yeah, very easy. So I just at that point I just needed to be.
00:16:45:22 - 00:17:06:06
Unknown
To feel that, you know, other women were, you know, also taking that choice. So this is where I found you. I found the podcast. So I think I listened to every single episode of the podcast at that point. I had a session with you as well. And I remember after the session I was like, oh, like, it felt so normal the way, like we were talking about free birth and was like, okay.
00:17:06:07 - 00:17:32:23
Unknown
Like, you know, it's not radical. It's, you know, that's so normal and so. Right. I also, yeah, also took the get to free birth. And I remember like listening to like every single video. One thing that I didn't feel triggered by anything, it felt like this is what I thought to be true about birth. I just didn't have the language for it.
00:17:33:00 - 00:17:59:14
Unknown
Totally. Yeah. So when you know it's truth. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when my choice is made, I discussed with my husband. How does that. Yeah, yeah. And for him, it was I mean, in the beginning he had so many questions like okay, but what if and what was that. But very quickly like it's your choice.
00:17:59:14 - 00:18:23:12
Unknown
It's your body. I'm here for you. Whatever you choose, just tell me what I need to do. Right. That's that's it. So then it was very he was very supportive. The rest of the of the rest of the pregnancy had a beautiful pregnancy. I was very I love the journey to just preparing for a free birth. I think it's such a completely different journey.
00:18:23:14 - 00:18:46:06
Unknown
Because, yeah, it's such. Yeah, you you are just taking back everything that is yours, right? Everything that is yours for your body, for your pregnancy, for your birth, for your motherhood. Right. And it felt really, really good. It felt right for me. And.
00:18:46:08 - 00:19:12:00
Unknown
Yeah. So I thought I was prepared for anything, but I was not prepared to go until 42 weeks. And yes. Oh my God, this was challenging because my first was born like, you know, right before my, my, my week 40. So I was like, oh, you know, probably 39 weeks or 40 weeks. But then, you know, every single day when you wake up and you're still pregnant and you're like, oh my God.
00:19:12:00 - 00:19:31:06
Unknown
So it was really hard emotionally, however, I really knew that, and I wouldn't do anything else than just wait, you know, I knew that even if you would go until 43, 44 weeks, I wouldn't do anything to.
00:19:31:08 - 00:20:00:13
Unknown
I would just, you know, be pregnant and wait until my baby is ready and just. Exactly. And I'll just complain for an extra two weeks. That's fine. Yeah. This is what I want. My life was, you know, what is two weeks? I just complain and be miserable and cry. And, you know, my husband was supporting me and telling me the same exact thing every single day, but I needed to hear it, and, you know, but yeah, it was, it was.
00:20:00:15 - 00:20:27:23
Unknown
I never had any any other fears or there was never any option. That was that was I felt good for me at that point. And then the morning before at my, my the week 42, I woke up, see pregnant, still miserable. And this is where I wanted bathroom. And there was my mucus block. And I literally cried at that point because I was like, something is happening.
00:20:28:01 - 00:20:51:05
Unknown
I was yeah, I was so happy. We had a beautiful day. It was I had light sensations, but nothing, you know, nothing more. We had a beautiful with my daughter and went to the pool at home, watched the movie and then had dinner. One of my friends came for dinner and everything stopped. All my sensations stopped and I thought, oh God, another day.
00:20:51:05 - 00:21:23:19
Unknown
And then she left. We put my daughter to bed and I. I told her we I told my husband we have to go to bed because maybe something will happen at night and the moment I put my head on the pillow. This is where I have a huge contraction here and this is where things started. So at that point my labor lasted for five hours, and even if I had a beautiful pregnancy the first time around, I think there is nothing compared to a free birth.
00:21:23:19 - 00:21:51:19
Unknown
Really is nothing compared to like being in your own home, being your own authority, nobody telling you what to do, where to go, touching you, listening to her tones or anything like that. It was just beautiful and I. Yeah. So I labored between like my room and my, my, my bathroom. And I was at night, so my daughter was asleep.
00:21:51:19 - 00:22:16:18
Unknown
It was just me and my husband. It was. Yeah. Beautiful support. He has a very calming, grounding presence. And this is exactly what I needed at that point. And yeah, I was just knowing nothing more. Just giving me water and not talking to me. Just, you know, my hands. While I was having the sensations, I thought I wanted another water birth.
00:22:16:18 - 00:22:47:20
Unknown
Went to the bathtub, but didn't work out. I was like, not for me. Ever. Try that again. Love being in the shower. The sensations were really, really, really intense. And yeah, and I ended up next to my bed when my body was pushing and yeah. And then my son came out, I think after like 30 minutes of intense pushing, hated pushing sensations, was really, really intense.
00:22:47:22 - 00:23:19:07
Unknown
And yeah, the sensation of just, you know, holding your baby on your chest and it just you and him for that, you know, time was just yeah, beautiful and, you know, very hard to, to describe. It was just beautiful. Yeah. And then he latched really quickly. The placenta came out around like after 45 minutes I think. But everything felt yeah good and right.
00:23:19:07 - 00:23:45:02
Unknown
And then my daughter wake up, I were all together in a bed and it was just. Yeah, it was just beautiful. What's interesting as well is that few few moments later, I just felt another baby. I knew that I was going to have another baby soon, and I knew it was going to have to be a boy. So I just felt it right away.
00:23:45:03 - 00:24:15:01
Unknown
Was very, very strong and yeah, very strange and beautiful. But yeah, I really felt his presence at that moment. Yeah. And then postpartum was very easy. Breastfeeding was like like a breeze. I was so happy. And so. Yeah, confident as a mother really right away. I think it gave me the confidence that I, you know, could do anything.
00:24:15:02 - 00:24:36:09
Unknown
As a mother, I, you know, the health of my children is not something that has to be given to anyone else. You know that myself, right? And I think this has been my, you know, my journey in motherhood is, you know, the way I birth gave me the confidence to be the mother I wanted to be for my kids.
00:24:36:15 - 00:24:47:09
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, it goes in either direction, right? Definitely. Definitely. So.
00:24:47:11 - 00:25:20:19
Unknown
So, yeah. So when do you start working with women in the earth education fertility world? Yeah. So at that point, I never stopped being a doula and doing like prenatal like education and farm trainings, but it slowly shifted to really where I, I really wanted to share what I knew to be true about, you know, birth female body.
00:25:20:20 - 00:25:57:13
Unknown
Yeah. Because when you took RBK, you were still like straddling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is definitely has been a shift for me. So I started the RBK when my son, my son was three months old. Yeah. Right. Yeah yeah yeah. So again it was another like layer of the programing and really allowed me to work with women really in integrity and not with the baggage of what I learned to be true as a, as a, you know, as a doula in the system, but really work with what I felt to be true about birth and about, you know, women in general.
00:25:57:14 - 00:26:25:08
Unknown
It really allowed me to be like, okay, just now you have to be integrated. You have to share what's right for you, you know, and it maybe mean that you're not for everyone. And that's okay, right? Yeah. You know, you're not the right birth worker or the right do love for anyone. It changed completely. My perspective on, you know, being doula who wants to be like, you know, higher than you know.
00:26:25:09 - 00:26:57:13
Unknown
Okay, sisters, listen up. This is really big and really important if you are a sovereign birth worker of any kind. If you are working with women holistically, totally independent of the medical system, the worldwide Sovereign Birth Professional Directory is finally here. I am thrilled to announce that the Match of Birth directory is live. This is a long time coming and something we have been working really hard on behind the scenes that is going to majorly support the longevity of the birth liberation movement.
00:26:57:13 - 00:27:22:12
Unknown
We are contacted here at Freiburg Society on average 100 times a week by women around the world asking for our help in connecting them to sovereign birth professionals. So that really guided us to create something that fills a major need. No need to be underground anymore. No need to be at a loss of how to find your clients, or in reverse, where to even start looking for a radical birth keeper.
00:27:22:12 - 00:27:47:20
Unknown
We did the hard work to create the network so that you beauties can all find each other with ease. So here's the deal. Through the end of the year, we are in taking professionals who offer sovereign pregnancy and birth support. So that's coaching, education, birth, witnessing any and all of it. Women who offer postpartum support of any kind, women who offer holistic fertility and cycle coaching, and women who offer birth trauma integration sessions.
00:27:47:21 - 00:28:07:00
Unknown
Now this can be live in person or virtual. If you are a professional that offers anything within these categories, you need to head over to match or birth directory and get yourself listed. If you're a woman or a mother seeking these services, you can drop your name on our waitlist and be the first to hear when we go public.
00:28:07:00 - 00:28:31:15
Unknown
So all of you, but especially those of you in the professional world of birth, head over to match for birth directory. Com and join the network to like. From that point to be I'm going to be an integrated and I'm going to call in women who feel you know, who raised it with what I have to share. And it really completed, you know, completely changed my perspective.
00:28:31:16 - 00:28:56:17
Unknown
It really the women whom I work with were really women who have the same mindset, and I do. So it felt all women who are really working towards that mindset and really, you know, needed another woman to, to to be with them, you know.
00:28:56:19 - 00:29:23:10
Unknown
And it felt, yes, such a complete change. Such. Yeah. My work has been really completely transformed. Really. Yeah, yeah. And I felt that I was able as well to offer, you know, my skills and knowledge in on a, you know, I would say from the full spec, not just with birth but also with, you know, wisdom and knowledge and postpartum.
00:29:23:10 - 00:29:52:21
Unknown
So really the whole, you know, life cycles, you know, of, of women, but not from a place of. Yeah, from a place of integrity, really. That's the, that's the word. And you are doing in-person work with women and virtual. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I've been doing both. Yeah yeah yeah, yeah. So in the Middle East you, it's like how's it going.
00:29:52:22 - 00:30:17:08
Unknown
Like is it, is there just a lot of interest. Is it, is it slow. Is it word of mouth. Like how how's it going. Because I don't I mean I make up that there isn't a lot of like really radical sovereign support out there. Definitely. But I think women are.
00:30:17:10 - 00:30:47:10
Unknown
More I think more and more women are understanding that, you know, there are options out there. And I truly believe that it's you know, I really thought that it could, you know, that it would start with birth education. But I truly, truly believe that it could start even like earlier. Yeah. You know, when women start realizing that, yeah, they can definitely understand their body, you know, understand their facility, take charge of the fertility.
00:30:47:10 - 00:31:13:09
Unknown
They don't have to rely on birth control pill. And I think really this gives a sense of power to women. And I think it's opening the yeah, it's opening the path to a more sovereign life. You know, so, so not necessarily starting with birth, but starting with really body literacy and, you know, education about the female physiology.
00:31:13:09 - 00:31:46:18
Unknown
So yeah, I mean it's it's, it's it's slowly there is, there is more and more interest I would say. Yeah definitely. And so how soon does your second boy find you. Yeah. So. Oh yeah. I just want to share something just before that is that, you know, obviously we did not share our plan with, you know, many people before, but when we share with our family right after I with my mother that, you know, my baby was born and he was born at home and she's like, oh, great.
00:31:46:18 - 00:32:09:09
Unknown
So you had a midwife like, no, no, no. It was just, you know, me and my husband and you know, and this started a series of conversation with my mother about birth and started asking more questions. And, you know, I'm from Tunisian descent, and my mom was born and raised in a very little, like, small village in mountains in Tunisia.
00:32:09:09 - 00:32:36:02
Unknown
And actually, she shared with me that my grandmother was attending birth that time. It was I thought it was a beautiful. And so they did not necessarily have like midwives, but they had a wise woman at an, you know, birth with, you know, you know, for each other. And my mother, as you know, a teenager. So girls between 15 and 20 would attend women.
00:32:36:04 - 00:33:05:14
Unknown
So when women would give birth, my mom would go and, you know, take care of the house, cook for her, take care of her, take, you know, play with the kids, etc.. So it was beautiful to have, you know, this kind of, you know, circle and yeah, to know that about my clinic and yeah, the fact that my grandmother was, you know, I mean wife.
00:33:05:16 - 00:33:33:16
Unknown
Yeah. So so I knew then that I wanted to have another, another another baby. I my cycle, my bleed came back when my baby was 14 month old. And after that, did you just say 40 months? 14, 14. I was like four months. You're crazy. I was about to like, end the year.
00:33:33:18 - 00:33:56:19
Unknown
14. Okay. That's 14. It's allowed. Right? I'm still I'm still on. What is the cutoff? I feel like after 18 months, after 18 years, after 1852, like exactly. Even my my his 18 month. And I'm like he was even after 12 I was Sawyer I just after 12 I was like, he's a year. Like yeah he's a you're in some change.
00:33:56:20 - 00:34:03:12
Unknown
Yeah, exactly. It was like a year a year and a half and then that's it. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah 40.
00:34:03:14 - 00:34:24:15
Unknown
Know so so so that doesn't seem like you. That doesn't seem like your personality. Okay, so after the death of. Yeah. Like a year in some change. Right. I had my, my my resume then. So we really. Yeah. It was really conscious conception. I took a few months to really take care of my body and my husband the same.
00:34:24:15 - 00:34:52:20
Unknown
And, you know, we took our, you know, our baby. And then I got pregnant quite quickly. And I was 40 at that point. I was 40 and a couple of months. I just want to mention that because I feel that, you know, like, you know, women like or women around me into a lot of women and a lot of my clients, you know, they feel that after 35, like you're dumb, like you're never going to get pregnant.
00:34:52:20 - 00:35:30:18
Unknown
It's like, naturally they don't feel that. They are told that. Yes. You know, it's such a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're told that their tool that after 35 and if you get pretty pregnant this is a geriatric pregnancy and the whole, the whole thing is just. Yeah, just quite intense. Yeah. So, so and I had a again a beautiful pregnancy, some new Jennifer's from Esther and just love being pregnant until that third pregnancy, I would say until the last few weeks it was quite intense.
00:35:30:18 - 00:36:00:09
Unknown
I felt trooper heavy and I was just done. And so I really manifested. And I imagine a birth in the middle of the night like my second. But it was in the during the day I know with older like kids and old thing, you know, so this was quite intense to manage. But but I had I started actually my labor started at night and I was I just labored alone in my, my, in my bedroom.
00:36:00:09 - 00:36:20:13
Unknown
My, my husband was sleeping with our son and I just loved that part. I just loved being alone at that point. And then I woke up my husband at 6 a.m. like, I think it's, you know, you know, maybe it we'll be here quite soon. So, you know, he mentioned the kids, we have a half at home. So she handled the kids so he could stay with me fully.
00:36:20:18 - 00:36:46:10
Unknown
And this labor I felt that I had at a moment I went to a very dark space. For some reason, I think it's I don't know what came up exactly. Maybe I had things to process, but it was such a dark time at that point. It was during transition, but it was. Yeah, it was it was in a very, very dark place.
00:36:46:10 - 00:37:26:04
Unknown
I remember it was like rage. And I remember, like, punching the wall and my husband, like, took a pillow and he was like, pulling the pillow between my hand on the wall. So, so I don't, like, hurt myself. And I was like, punching, you know, the pillow. And. Yeah. So. And I gave birth in the same, exact same position at my first, then my, my second, like next to my bed on my all for my husband was holding my hands and, yeah, he was born after, I think 15 or 20 minutes of intense pushing again, hated the like pushing sensations.
00:37:26:06 - 00:37:50:02
Unknown
And yeah, he came. He was just so beautiful and pleasant. I came up to 20 minutes again very quickly, very easily and, you know, and then kids came back. We were all in the bed and it was just felt so normal and so beautiful. And I think during my pregnancy there was no, no, I don't think there was a moment where we discussed where I would give birth, made my my husband.
00:37:50:03 - 00:38:14:23
Unknown
It was just. Yeah. No. Right. No one has a free birth. And then like, yeah, right. You don't go the other way. You don't go back into the system. Yeah. It's just like we're thinking about that after the birth. Like I think we didn't even discuss the birth. Yeah. Point you know, that happened with with Johnny and I, we didn't even talk about the birth, the entire pregnancy of our son.
00:38:14:23 - 00:38:33:08
Unknown
And then literally, like a week before I gave birth, I was laying in bed at night and I was like, wait, is there anything we need to discuss? And he was like, I don't think so. I was like, okay, great. Actually, I remember, I remember I said one thing. I said, if a baby comes out not alive, do not do anything.
00:38:33:10 - 00:38:52:18
Unknown
That was the one thing I said, which is like dark, but it's the one thing. Yeah. Told him, I think we just the thing that we discussed the logistic with the kids, like we want to hear, like just that, that's it. And I was like, I don't think, you know, we'll see how I feel. But at that point I thought maybe I wanted the kids to be me.
00:38:52:18 - 00:39:11:20
Unknown
But then it was just a no. Like, I was just out of here. This is this is integrated. This is birth as an integrated experience. You know, there doesn't you know, Erica, the other day said to me, she was like, it's honestly just all very boring. Like I gave birth literally. Who cares? She was like, it's not even interesting.
00:39:11:20 - 00:39:33:21
Unknown
And I was like, I know I love it. Like it's that. And it's the most incredible, miraculous, epic thing ever. But it's both at the same time. It's just so normal. So boring. Oh my God. Exactly. You're like, okay, that's it, I gave birth, you know, life goes on, right? Like life continues and kids need to be fed and, you know, and just like, continues.
00:39:33:21 - 00:39:55:06
Unknown
And this is nothing. Yeah. As you said, it's just such a miracle. But at the end of the day, you're like, okay, let's see if you're just like a casual channel of God, just like a total casual instrument of life. Love that I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is it that that is to be integrated. It is both.
00:39:55:09 - 00:40:39:07
Unknown
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Exactly. And this is where you will you like like like we sold the light women that it's this big thing to be managed and to be like taken care of and it's. We didn't it. My God, it's just not right. It's just not that. And. Yeah. And I think again, I think this birth allowed me to again like remove another layer of programing and you know, it's it's always this is what I loved about birth and Freebird that every time I'm journeying into, you know, something else, I'm just knowing myself a little bit more.
00:40:39:09 - 00:41:05:12
Unknown
I'm able to also support women in in a place of even more integrity. And I don't care about, you know, the rest. And I don't care about not being liked or I just don't care, you know? I just do my thing and it feels great, you know, for me. And yeah, so do you. Do you see women around you choosing sovereign birth because of knowing you?
00:41:05:13 - 00:41:28:17
Unknown
Like because of that is the ripple effect happening in your community like it is so many other places? I mean, yeah, I mean, I guess I guess so I guess it's something that I'm, you know, it's hard to say that you have you're like, whatever you're doing has an impact on someone else, you know, directly. It's just hard to to imagine.
00:41:28:17 - 00:41:51:07
Unknown
But I yeah. Wait, is it hard to imagine or is it hard to admit? Yeah, maybe. Maybe both. I don't know, I would think, you know, you're the if you're like the only or the first, it would be pretty obvious that you were planting those seeds in your community. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe. It's hard to to admit, as you say.
00:41:51:08 - 00:42:21:08
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. But and yeah. And just after that, I was so did the blood mystery school after my third birth. And again, it was another layer of, you know, how to support women in my community with, you know, all these beautiful learning and tools and, you know, from a place of, you know, servant and integrity. Yeah. Well, is there anything else you'd like to share before we close?
00:42:21:10 - 00:42:45:06
Unknown
Yeah. I just want to thank you. Really? Really. Because, yeah, I really my God, just such an impact on, you know, my journey from, you know. Yeah. From the moment I had this lightbulb moment, you know, at night where. Oh, my God, I can just do that, right? Yes. So thank you. And. Yeah, thank you for what you're doing.
00:42:45:08 - 00:43:07:16
Unknown
Well thank you. I hope you'll come back to MRF someday. I will, I really hope to when I hope to bring my daughter as well. She's going to be ten. And, you know, I just did. Yeah. I have this cute image of her of just. There was just chaos in the dining tent. Everyone was just, you know, being nuts.
00:43:07:16 - 00:43:31:04
Unknown
And she was just sitting by herself reading a book. So the same in the middle of everything. It was so cute. It's still the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was five at that time. And she often. Yeah. She told me like, remember mommy when we went, you know, to the festival and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, hopefully we'll come back I would love that.
00:43:31:05 - 00:43:40:13
Unknown
Well thank you so much. Thank you for your time and for your willingness to share these beautiful stories. Thank you so much, Emilee.
00:43:40:15 - 00:44:06:08
Unknown
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below. And of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets. So let's spread the good word of sovereign birth. Don't forget, you can watch our podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories.
00:44:06:09 - 00:44:36:17
Unknown
And you'll also find our viral free birth collection of epic raw birth videos on our YouTube. Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out all about it at Free Birth Society at Fribourg Society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, the Blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in-person retreats and of course, our annual women's gathering.
00:44:36:17 - 00:45:03:19
Unknown
The Matriarch Rising Festival, our exclusive private vetted membership. The lighthouse is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life, together we rise. Sisters, we must speak our stories, fully, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you.
00:45:03:19 - 00:45:36:00
Unknown
I'll leave you with our gorgeous free birth society theme song Wild Woman by Aruba. Read I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. Magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored eons upon light. Themes of survival and standing.
00:45:36:00 - 00:46:01:12
Unknown
The eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity the picket line we define from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes, strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts. Keep your needles.
00:46:01:14 - 00:46:32:00
Unknown
My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention, death, ascension. I will fly and bring our backs on the stars. Just conception while the moon. She still lives inside her.
00:46:32:02 - 00:46:38:23
Unknown
Wild woman from you I will not hide.
00:46:39:00 - 00:46:53:19
Unknown
They could not bend your spirit away. So please teach me your way. I'm ready to love from you. Why love?
00:46:53:21 - 00:47:01:05
Unknown
I still run, run, run with the wolves when it's time.
00:47:01:07 - 00:47:08:16
Unknown
I still run, run, run, run, run. We were all one squad.
00:47:08:18 - 00:47:16:01
Unknown
I still round, round run. Where the wolves when the sky.
00:47:16:02 - 00:47:21:10
Unknown
We all came from. While the woman.
