Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild freedom child, since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I am. It's been a while, freedom child, since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya.
Speaker 0
It's been a wild freedom since I've left my roots back home.
Speaker 2
Rachel. Emilee. What's up, girl? Hi.
Speaker 3
Hi. I'm excited to be doing this with you today.
Speaker 2
I'm so so excited and so honored.
Speaker 3
Kind of a long time coming.
Speaker 2
It is. It is. And I have to say, I'm I'm sitting in my womb room right now, which is a space that has held so many circles for so many women, pregnancy, birth, sisters, and, yeah, to have your living energy here right now is it feels it feels so good. Thank you. I'm in total respect and honor of the work you do in the world. So thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I was thinking on it this morning that you and I did one session, maybe two?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Maybe two.
Speaker 3
Maybe two or yeah. It's like we did a couple, in twenty twenty.
Speaker 2
Uh-huh.
Speaker 3
Is that correct?
Speaker 2
Yeah. So long ago.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So so long ago. And, wow, that just feels like a whole different era of my life and probably yours. So we have a lot to catch up on.
Speaker 2
Because you were still,
Speaker 3
at that time, four years ago, very much still, or even, like, beginning to really process your first birth, which you're gonna talk about today, and then you're coming on with this triumphant
Speaker 2
tale of this new baby. I'm so excited. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3
So why don't you share a little bit about where you live, what you're up to, who you are, and and, specifically, we're gonna start with who are you before you become a mom, what's your orientation to birth and to the medical system, yeah, kinda, like, give a little a little snapshot of who you are and then take us into this that pregnancy and then that birth story, whatever wants to
Speaker 2
get shared about about that. Yeah. Cool. My name is Rachel Ruva, and I am from the States, but I live in Denmark. My children are a product of a very epic love story that I have with my husband. We met while living and working on a permaculture tantra community on a volcanic island in the middle of Lake Nicaragua. So it was, like, a very, very epic tale of us falling madly in love and choosing to do life together. Yeah. And that basically brought me to living in this very tiny country, which is smaller than my home state of Ohio. And really, darling, integrating myself and basically arrived to two years of being in partnership. And at a New Year's party, I experienced what was, I guess, my my first real, like, primal awakening in my body where my womb demanded that I have a child. Two gorgeous pregnant women walked in, and I just sat on the couch and weeped. I I had never been I was just overcome with so much emotion and longing in a way that I had not experienced before. I'd been, like, doing womb work for some years, but it was really geared towards, like, the cyclicality of of my woman body and, yeah, reclaiming my my cyclical nature and getting off birth control, all of these things. I hadn't bridged the gap into what motherhood or pregnancy could be. And I'd always also said, I don't wanna get pregnant. I don't want kids. Like, I also don't wanna get married. This, like, very rejection of traditions kind of thing. So I was taken aback that my body would respond so so wholly and fully to this idea that I had intellectually said no to. But it was it was it was so powerful, and my husband was like, yeah. We've already talked about this. We're having kids. I'm like, what do you what? No. So he was ready. And, basically, I spent, like, three months doing a little, physical nutritional upgrade, little spiritual download check-in. And and then we open to conceiving our first baby, And and that was supposed to be beautiful to do in in a loving conscious way. I got pregnant and also simultaneously negotiating. What am I doing in Denmark? I I have a graduate degree that's not really applicable to what yeah. To be in this country. So who am I? What's my new role here? And then a friend was like, you know, I just took this doula training and and maybe that's something for you. So I entered this doula training, which is led by a private midwife here, and and she's really cool. And she's like, basically, my hands are tied legally. So I kinda wanna, like, gear up and and and teach doulas how to go out in the world and, like, dismantle the system. This was, like, her backwards way of doing it. Weird. Weird. So so but but it was also really beautiful. We gotta I I felt I felt that I didn't have to do a lot of the unlearning that some of the the larger doula corporations offer. That it was like she was like, listen. This is how the system works. This is physiological birth. This is where they don't match. Go out in the world. So I'm like, okay. Cool. I get pregnant. It's so good. At twelve weeks, I attend my first birth, and it's a hospital birth. This is a part of, like, our practicum that we just we find a woman that we can serve. And, basically, that was traumatic and terrible, and I decided right there and then, I will never support women in hospitals. Like, that's just so clear to me. It it goes against everything that I believe in my body. So that was, like, a hard no.
Speaker 3
How did you reckon with the the kind of dual narrative of, like, but someone should be with them? Like, at least at least you can hold their hand.
Speaker 2
That's the thing. And I had so many conversations along this line as I decided to stay out of the hospitals, and and people would ask me that. And and, yeah, it it just felt to me that I was crossing too many of my own boundaries that that it was actually witnessing horror, that I I was unwilling to. But I but I had not yet bridged the gap that hospital births can happen in the home. So I was like, but I'm a home birth. I'm a home birth doula, and that's what I can do. Right? But I paused all that and and just continued growing my baby. And I got very charmed and excited about the idea of having this, like, sweet little Scandinavian midwife. In Denmark, they they have a home birth teams for various regions. And, yeah, I just had this idea that, like, oh my god. It's free health care. It's a welfare state. Like, these lovely little grannies in the corner, like the village midwife. This is what I'm imagining. And I get to know her, so she comes to my house, and we have meetings together. These government. These I know. Agent granny midwives. You know, but it You don't know until you know. No. I found out.
Speaker 3
It's totally the finish.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yes. So I meet I meet with three women over the course of my pregnancy, and one of them will be on call. Right? Two of them are, like, super cool. And, of course, I have my giant birth plan of all the things I do not want because I'm having a natural home birth. No. All the things. No vaginal exams. No Doppler. I'm not doing any ultrasounds. Blah blah blah blah blah. On and on the list goes because I think this will buy me some form of safety. And I feel like such a good prepared girl. Like, yay. I've done my homework, and I know what I want. So here's my request. Two of them were so cool about it, and they were like, wow. It's so nice to learn from women. Like, we never really get women making requests like this. This is so cool. I'm like, okay. The third, she was a real bitch. She really was, and she she she just told me, if you don't want a vaginal exam and I'm on duty that day, then we can just go to the hospital and see what they have to say about that because I'm doing vaginal exam. Oh, wow. It's like, oh, okay. I was still so deep in my good girl persona era that, like, that red flag didn't did nothing for me. That was still just like, okay. So I'm going to fret for the next many months about this woman potentially being on call and coming into my sacred space. The the idea of saying no somehow did not occur to me. So that was just, an undercurrent of of the theme of my pregnancy is praying that this woman was not on call during my labor. Around thirty or so weeks, they spring on me that I do, in fact, need to go get an ultrasound to locate placenta because they're freaking out, that I'm an hour away from a hospital, blah blah blah. I come with all of my, ah, but I don't this is why I don't have that, and I don't want it. I'm, like, solidly against ultrasounds. Have to, you have to, you have to. Another red flag. I I I submit. I it was just like again, I did not it did not occur to my brain to seek a way out. So I remember sitting in the hospital parking lot and weeping, feeling, like, completely crushed that I was about to go into this disgusting medicalized procedure that I felt very unsafe with, and yet I did it.
Speaker 3
Like, the whole the whole setup is designed for you to betray yourself.
Speaker 2
So wild. You know what
Speaker 4
I mean?
Speaker 3
These are the tales of women just constantly being like, I didn't want it and I did it anyway. And
Speaker 2
it it is interesting, but it's also very indicative of where I was on my journey because that would not happen now and why it happened then. It makes so much sense. Like, of course, I was obliterating my boundaries all the time. I was I was like the the the people pleaser and the appeaser, and it was very easy ever. I get the ultrasound, obviously, and my placenta is in perfect position as I intuitively knew, and I go on with my pregnancy. It's forty weeks on the dot according to their measurement, whatever. My labor begins, and I just basically start feeling some sensations at dinner, and it progresses continually throughout the night. And I'm super excited, and my partner and I light a candle and say some prayers, and it's it's it's so beautiful. And and I kind of just journey in my own space for some hours. I had hired a doula, and then we had this midwife. So he calls my doula, and she comes around, like, two AM. And it starts at, like, eight PM. And we're all just hanging out. And then finally, my mid midwife calls and is like, what's going on? And he's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, she's she's deepened. She's like, okay. I'm coming. I'm just on my hands and knees in in complete surrender. My body's doing an amazing job. The midwife walks in, and and she's, like, super sweet and calm. It's like, how do I
Speaker 3
Did we get the one we hate?
Speaker 2
No. Okay. Yes. Sorry. Not the one I hate. The one I really liked. She was super sweet. Twenty seven years, like, this tiny little lady. Like, the looks the picture of the archetype of what I had hoped for. Twenty seven years old or experienced? Sorry. Oh, okay. Okay. Twenty seven years of of midwifing. Medical midwifing, really. She's like, have you felt for the baby? And I'm like, oh, like, literally hadn't occurred to me. And now I'm like, probably because that was also her her need to gauge, right, of, like, what's going on. I feel in and and I can feel something squishy, like, very close. I'm like, woah. Okay. I get in the tub, and that's my transition, and it's super intense and powerful and awesome, and and I'm just rocking it. She's mostly silent, until she decides that for whatever reason that she wants to hurry the process up. So asks me if I can, like, lie back on my back and take my knees up to my chest. Like, definitely don't wanna do that. Many more times asks me, I think it would be really helpful, a really good position, blah blah blah. I do it. It hurts like hell. My partner's, like, grabbing my other knee, and I'm, like, not doing that anymore. It's, like, really they they have no art of space holding. They literally don't understand what it is to simply witness it. The the meddling gene is, like, so so alive in these women, and it's it's shocking, actually, because I feel like this birth was quite textbook. It's it ends up being an eight hour labor, literally progression from a to b, like, and I'm like, and yet still, after twenty seven years, you're still looking at me. My baby is is descending, and you're still trying to hurry it up and and and and and and presume power over me instead of just letting my body surrender.
Speaker 3
Yeah. They can't.
Speaker 2
Literally can't. So then then she says, which I actually don't really have any recollection of of any of what I'm about to say because I'm so flying in the cosmos. I'm very much unaware of what my surroundings. It's just on video, so I know. She says, like, well, some contractions are good, some not so good. So and I'm like, who says that to who says that to anyone ever? Terrible thing to say. And what she's referring to is what I hear in the video is that some surges I'm making a bit more noise and you can tell seem more intense. Others, I'm just breathy and, like, just working with it in in what is obviously a very productive way because he's coming out. Like, he's descending. It's a very obvious sensation. I feel him moving closer and closer. Not of my own effort. It's just happening. But for her, not good enough. So she then says something. My husband turns the video off, which is, like, two minutes before my baby comes out. Oh, I'm like, no. No. No one knows what's happening. Yes. I will I will still I have to, like, say this to this day. I'm like,
Speaker 3
damn it.
Speaker 2
Why did he do that? He's such a goof. It had been going for, like, thirty minutes, and then he I think he just I had no idea. It was so like, I was just changing positions. So but whatever. I have the timeline. So I'm like, okay. This is the fascinating part that she says to me, you need to go down in your energy. It's like you're taking your sounds up, go down. Fuck off. Video goes the video. The video goes off. Yeah. And then no. Like, please, the recipe of how to ruin an already perfect all say it too. They all do it.
Speaker 3
It's such a line.
Speaker 2
It's it's so lame. It's so lame. Sorry.
Speaker 3
Can you imagine if you were about to, like, orgasm and your partner was like, I need you to go deeper with your tones?
Speaker 2
Oh my. I know. Like, please interrupt me a little more because now that's gone. Like, I know my baby's, like, crawling back up inside of me, like, yeah. I know I have this woman. God. Okay. So I do this. I follow her advice, and and very abruptly, the head comes out. And I'm actually quite shocked. I wasn't quite ready for that. So I yell, like, the baby's here. And also then say, don't touch me. So I'm leaning over the tub forward. She's at the back with her headlamp behind me, which is, like, such a shitty place to stand, by the way, for for listeners. Like, never stand behind a woman. Like, if you're going to be around her, be in her, like, front consciousness because I felt sneak attacked. Then the whole room was like, no. No. No. Like, Rachel looks so crazy. I, for many years, was like, oh, she she didn't actually touch me. I just was feeling like the baby the immensity of a head out of my my vagina. No. I just found a picture actually very recently where her gloved hand is actually reaching into the pool and touching my ass. And I'm like, oh, that's such a bummer because, yeah, that just feels so violating. And to also walk with the story for a while that, no, she actually didn't do the thing that I didn't want want her to do and that I remember everyone be like, no, no, like, she's not touching you. Everything's Okay. And it's like, this is how I remember it. But anyways, they're calling my energy because I am like, don't fucking touch me. His
Speaker 3
body's so powerful. So heartbreaking that any woman would feel the need to yell that when they're bringing their their baby here. Like, woah. That says so much. You know?
Speaker 2
Woah. What a starting point. Right? Like, starting point for
Speaker 3
That you that you it says so much about the space you're trying to claim and how not safe your animal body felt.
Speaker 2
Exactly. Exactly.
Speaker 3
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Speaker 2
Exactly. And so he comes out. He's perfect and beautiful and floats in the water, and and I take him to my chest. I remember my Yoni hurting a lot and, like, yeah, orienting myself to, like, what just happened really? Stay in the tub for a little bit, kinda felt cold. I was like, alright. I wanna get out. And here's where the action starts. As you know, the the the third stage loves to be managed and completely, yeah, turned into a catastrophe. So I get under my bed, and basically, instantly, she's like, sent to needs to come out, and and you like, I need to catheter you because and I'm like, no. Like, definitely not. I I have old traumas with bladder infections and catheters. Like, it's it's a no. Can't I just stand up and pee in a fucking bucket? Like, because your bladder's blocking. No. No. No. No. No. Has to happen right now. Emergency. Emergency. Puts catheter up in me. Yeah. Yeah. Catheters me, and then it's, like, pulling on the placenta on the cord and, like, digging her hand into my womb, also saying no. Stop. No. Stop. The placenta comes out quite easily. Thank god. So that little huge trauma didn't last so long. And then she's like, okay. You're bleeding too much. You're bleeding too much. Just it's the same story. Do you not hear this every time? It's the same story. So but then I'm like, I have an herb. She's like, I wanna give you Pitocin. I'm like, no. No. No. I have this herb, shepherd's purse. Let's use that. Again, I feel like this prepare I feel so prepared. Right? Yes. So I take that. The bleeding stops instantly. She's like, amazed. She's like, I've never seen anything work like this. Like, tell me about this. What? And so what ends up happening really with this little part is that I end up heroing this herb and hyperfixating on the fact that I bled and and I got I avoided the pitocin. Like, I avoided the drugs, so I still got my natural birth. I mean, here's how I did it, and every woman should have shepherd's purse because oh my god. Oh. So that is the story I I drove with for a really long time without really examining the facts. You know? This takes me to What
Speaker 3
would you just just let's just skip ahead to current. What would you kind of, quickly summarize it as now?
Speaker 2
Absolutely normal experience that was pathologized and and with a lot of fear dumped on it for absolutely no reason. There was there were no signs that I was having any sort of bleeding issue at all. And And when we come to learn what the signs of actual true blood loss, which you and Yolanda have done amazing work, I've learned everything I know through listening to you and then seeing it in real life, through the births that I attend. I am a birthkeeper in Denmark. So and we'll get to we'll get to how my own engagement with serving women has actually amplified my awareness around all of this. But at the time, I have one hospital birth under my belt and then my my little doula training and all of my undealt with, personas in good girl, tactics. So in that, I I just, again, felt, okay. Well, this is what's happening. She's saying it so Then instantly after so she's done all of these fucking procedures, and then she's like, and now you need stitch. So then that whole fucking shebang happens. Right? Like, giant novocaine needles into my perineum, excruciatingly painful. All the while, I'm not connecting to my baby. Like, straight up, how could I? How could I? And and this is, like, obviously, the largest point of grief when I when I review this story is that this the most perfect beautiful baby on the planet is lying peacefully. He's just as close, chill, chill, chill on my chest, and I can't tend to him because my whole body is shaking as she's doing all number of things to my woman, Yoni. Completely unnecessary. Her fear and panic kicked in, and and what I learned later was that this is just standard procedure. This is literally what she and every midwife do at every fucking birth. No matter what.
Speaker 3
Not specific to Denmark. Not specific to me and that I bled, and thank god I
Speaker 2
had this thing. It's not specific to yes. And definitely not Denmark. People can tell the story that it's, oh, it's only happening in the states. Like, the states is fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. This this cute little tiny country. Let me tell you what's happening here. It's actually a a Latin American midwife came over here, and she, like, observed the culture here. And she's like, oh, this is so interesting. Because in my culture, we behave differently. What what Danish midwives do is they they have their machetes, but they wear them on their back. So it's like they're they're sneak attacking at all times. They really have this way of being like, it's totally up to you. But what I really commend and if you say no, then they have another way of asking it in another way until suddenly the coercion becomes so thick that women get really overwhelmed and very confused and end up obliging every time. I did it also. And they're really skilled.
Speaker 3
So it's like they're hiding all of that. That's American midwifery. That's
Speaker 2
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 3
European midwifery. That that is medical midwifery. This is Yeah. The same strategies and tactics of everywhere. It's in Australia. It this is the this is medical midwifery.
Speaker 2
It's insidious. It's very unique.
Speaker 3
Thinks it's, like, kind of particular to where they live, and it's interesting how not true that is.
Speaker 2
And I think what this I think what this midwife was referencing was that maybe perhaps where she's from or Latin American culture, there's a there's a little more like, you will do this. You have no choice, dah, dah, dah, dah, But in in Denmark, what they do is they present it as choice. It's never choice. It's never choice.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I would I would say in America, there's there's through socioeconomic status, like, through the way that that wealthier women are treated is like what you described, like the Danish midwife, and then a poor woman is more treated like what the Latin American kind of suggestion is. Like, they're more like bossed around. It's not as like you totally have choice, but they're actually treated exactly the same at the end of the day. They have the exact stories, but one is pitched, like how you described.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Totally.
Speaker 3
So how does this this blur kind of, like, leave you? Like, how aware of who went down? Because this is a perfect natural home birth, isn't it?
Speaker 2
Oh, Emilee. And that is a story I walked with, and it's fascinating. It is fascinating how my mind worked to protect my identity or protect me against the trauma or just simply see what I wanted to see because what I walked with was that I had the dream birth. I had I literally used the words, I had a hands off Danish midwife. Stop. Which is like I know. No. But it's shocking. It's like it's as if I went into amnesia and skipped all the parts I didn't like and then was because because the actual emergence and and process of birth, I was so I also remember being like, damn. My body's crazy. Like, I didn't do it. There was no mental fortitude. It was simply my body surrendering. So it was like I took that little piece that women and my body are epic and totally designed to do this and then extrapolated that and, like, left everything else out. It was just like, this is fucking awesome. I am great. Birth was great. She was wonderful. Here, take my herbs and take them to other women, and now I've done this
Speaker 3
service because
Speaker 2
the other women won't get Pitocin. They'll take the herb and, like, hero hero. It was so good.
Speaker 3
When does that
Speaker 2
bubble pop? About a year. So yeah. But but also also to say, amazingly, my immediate postpartum was still once she left and all of that was gone, so blissful. Like, so full of DMT, like, literally seeing psychedelia. The love between my husband and I for this new perfect child who was just amazing was I mean, it was next level. So that little cocoon that we made was divine. Never saw a doctor. No well visits. Like, just started to cut off from the system. Yeah. I guess I'd made that choice before I'd given birth. But, anyways, about a year later, I am with my son in the park, and I think becoming more energized for the outer world. Like, my postpartum cave is kind of dissolving a little bit. I'm like, I know I care about some stuff out there. Like, what oh, yeah. It's birth. I'm like, so I somehow find Freebird Society podcast. Such a funny thing. I am blown away. I am just like, what is this? What is this? And how has this never occurred to me? Isn't that fascinating that Oh, I wrote this for you. Yeah. Yeah. It was you, babe. Obviously. I mean, I'm the ultimate bubble burster. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, because
Speaker 3
someone said on an earlier interview, she was like, do you know she she she was, like, telling me about her story. She was like, well, you know how this goes. You ruined my birth memories.
Speaker 2
You know how that you're you're hey. That little bubble of ignorance you're living in. I'm just gonna fucking pop it and do it. Be warned.
Speaker 3
Be warned. Okay. So you're at the park. You're coming out of your cave, and the podcast comes into your awareness.
Speaker 2
It does. And all of the excitement and, like, yeah, just the mind blowingness of of this journey that women can take also moves into feeling super triggered. So I'm like, what the fuck is this free birth? Like, why why is it named free? And I'm I'm gonna tell you something, Emilee. I messaged you in twenty nineteen. The first time we actually ever communicated was I was like, hi. Well, did you make up this term and, like, what's going on with free? Because I felt very free at my birth, and I had a midwife. So, like, why why is this movement co opting the word free? I was getting super fucking triggered. Right? My ego's like, oh, no. The word free. You will not break my bubble. Like, I have this. Right? And you Wait. Was this not was
Speaker 3
this on Facebook or Instagram? Instagram.
Speaker 2
So long ago, Instagram.
Speaker 3
Did I respond?
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah. You did in your typical Emilee fashion, and you were like, that's great. It sounds like you had a traditional midwife at your birth, and it sounds epic. You're like, good job. I was like, it's still free. Right? It's still free. So I'll plan on doing that. Ready to fully it it wasn't ready to fully look at it. Yeah. Obviously. What allowed me to was that I got all this energy to start holding birth circles. So it was like as an answer to what the hospital's offering, which is garbage. Like, come over. Let's sit in a circle with women. Let's talk about physiological birth, and let's talk about what the system's offering you for real. Like, let's reveal it, and then we can all make important choices. At the time, I had four friends that happened to all be pregnant, and they were all like, can you come to my birth? And I was like, this is great. So what helped me further on this path was one of those births was they were all home births. One was insanely traumatic. This midwife fucking butchered butchered this birth, and it it was it was so, so, so sad. Really harmed the baby, actually, by pulling the baby out and really, really messing with his neck. Breastfeeding was horrendous for this woman. It was so sad, and I was mortified. And and and also then then the whole, like, you're bleeding too much. And if I if you don't take this this, Pitocin, you have to transfer right now. And I'm, like, looking at her. I'm like, there's no blood. Like, what? So then something clicked. I'm like, oh my god. No. That's not my story. This is happening all the time. This is literally midwifery one zero one. You've been duped. I've been duped. Then the third birth I was invited to was was a free birth, actually, and a very dear friend who invited me to witness, and it was just her and her partner. And I was like, oh, okay. So so that's birth. Wow. It was it was so sacred to behold. It was so powerful and simple and gentle, and and she was such a queen and a badass. I'm covered in goosebumps. And she really gave me the gift. She gave me the gift of seeing clearly. She gave me the gift of the ultimate comparison to hold in my own body. So I had my own birth, which was completely protected. Like, I could not penetrate what had happened, which, again, when I'm saying it out loud and when you list on paper all the things that happened, it is it makes no sense that I could walk away with the story that I had a dream home birth on intervene. But but that the point is that my protective mechanisms were so strong that it really took me binging Free Birth Society podcast, getting insanely triggered, and then attending some births myself to see what's actually happening. So so that set me on a course of of deciding after witnessing her do this of, like, I'm a hundred percent going to have free birth the next time I I get pregnant. Like, there's absolutely no doubt I will I will not engage with the system that's so full of of harmful practices. I got to revisit my own birth and and go through it deep detail by detail and unpack it and really see it for what it was and and look at all the transgressions on my body and and and make peace with that that maiden version of myself that was unable to protect myself. I was unable to make boundaries. I was unable to validate my own worth and take up the space and and and claim it as mine. And I we really forget this in our culture that this is ours to claim. This is we are allowed to enjoy. We are allowed to yeah.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I think it's interesting too how the choice to opt into an authoritative hierarchical model is implicit in first time moms. I mean, obviously, most women, but I think that's interesting for women who are listening who may be having birth yet to think about that you'd you'd I mean, obviously, unless this is your very first episode, welcome. And you don't have to opt into an authoritative top down hierarchical model because you can be as badass and clear and educated as Rachel was, you know, and still you're gonna get the same story. And that's that's so many women will come to me in birth trauma debriefs and be like, I thought that it wouldn't happen to me. Like, I heard every episode. I did all the stuff. I did all the due diligence. I found the midwife that said all the right things, and I just really thought that I would be the one that it wouldn't happen to. And I get it because in the rest of your world, you probably make your own decisions and don't have, an abuser, like, fucking with you. You know? But all of us, someone made it at someone we said this the other day in one of the episodes of this analogy of, like, birthing in the systems, like, playing a game of chess, but you only have half your pieces. And you're not even quite sure on the rules, you know, and then you're going toe to toe in a chess game. It's like you cannot you cannot win. It's set up
Speaker 2
And you're high as a kite and, like, completely altered and soft and valuable. And and it's it's totally it's such a shame. A woman the other day was like, yeah, but I'm I'm inviting a midwife because, I'm just doing the middle way. It's my first birth and Oh, way? To which yeah. And we were just yeah. It was in one of our our circles, and we were like, there's no middle way. That's I I can tell you actually the way that is, and it's definitely not a middle way. And also this, justification of I'm a first time mom. So maybe in my second birth, I could be a little more proactive to choose a sovereign birth. Totally. And and that's fascinating the different ways in which we choose to learn our lessons and come home to ourself as a journey. Yeah. Well and
Speaker 3
I think this is where we're gonna get to your birth work later, but I think this all does tie to first time women are often not ready to do it alone. Totally understandable. And so then what? Like, where are their places? And so a lot of women are choosing this because they feel like it is their only option or their best option, which is why we need to keep proliferating this model of sovereign midwifery because that's fucking nonsense. And and I do believe that women are kind of both, like, smart and making decisions out of this real survival, you know, state. And so it the the more options they can have, the better choices they're gonna make. Duh.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Totally.
Speaker 3
Okay. So you get this epic gift of being invited to a wild birth. Thank god. That changes everything. So you
Speaker 2
get That changes everything.
Speaker 3
That helps you get the courage to really unpack your medical midwife sabotage.
Speaker 2
Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Which left me full of rage and and clarity, and I that's the beauty of it. The rage burns down all the bull until I'm feeling so clear and aligned in the choice that I know that I will make in the future. As far as my work, I'm still not there yet. So I'm still like, ah, okay. I will present all of the information to the women, and I'm only doing home births, And I'll tell them everything I know. And, of course, then they get to choose, and I'll still walk with them. So that takes quite some births to, again, like, nine out of ten see absolute sabotage and fuckery and leave feeling completely decimated and slaughtered in my own body of, like, I this is and then having every now and then then sprinkling in with these women that are like, hey. I really just want a sister to sit with me. And I'm like, great. So I have this really stark contrast of what it is to see a sovereign birth where, again, I'm just sitting in a corner silently in reference as a woman does what she does. And then also the other one, I'm still sitting in a corner in reference, but I'm also impacted by all of the fear in the room. And, again, with this, like, quasi position of, like, but I'm not a bodyguard, but, yeah, all of the the weird intervenings that a a woman may want her doula to do, that was also a hard no. I'm like, I'm not gonna tell the midwife not to do the thing. It's not my job. Watching the women say no a hundred times until finally somehow the hand gets up in her vagina because they get what they want, you know? So I'm, like, getting closer and closer to making this business choice of I and and real spiritual choice. But also, you know, my work in the world of like, okay, I'm only going to support women that are choosing a sovereign path. And and that felt like a scary leap, actually. It felt like there there's not enough women in this country that could choose that. It's also it's a scarcity thing. And and exactly. And and it's so it's so it's so new here. You know? Like, okay. The movement is in the states, but it's just coming over to Denmark. And and and if this is how I actually, like, wanna make my living and and it's my calling, but maybe I just have to do other women's work because I definitely wanna work with women, but, like, how could I do this other thing?
Speaker 3
So many birth workers are grappling with this that, like, like, really what they're saying is, like, I guess I need to see women get raped and and traumatized for my job. Like, I guess To
Speaker 2
make money.
Speaker 3
Women just aren't ready to not be raped. So I guess I'll just keep making money this way because just the women aren't here yet. Like, that's why I hear when women say that, and it's like, that's Obviously, there's sucks.
Speaker 2
There's a lot of unconscious subtext there and a lot of Yeah. Beliefs around that we that we we really hold on to. Right? Like, we need to uphold this because then world starts shattering and and but I'm also here for the world shattering. So Totally. And and there's new paradigms.
Speaker 3
There's a lot of rhetoric in the birth world around trust birth. And and, really, what I think we need to be saying is trust women. And and and what does that really mean? And I don't mean it in the doula rhetoric of, oh, you should just attend them wherever they go, but rather trust that women will rise to the options, you know, laid before them and that you and I and and the brave women doing this work are leading a way for women to say yes to. And what I see again and again and again and obviously what we teach in MMI and RBK is that part of trusting women is to know that they will come because they actually want to be treated well in their births and you can become an option Thank
Speaker 2
god. Yeah. And it also came from from doing a lot of inner work and and locating where my integrity is and where my values are and then actually, like, like, laying that on paper. Am I acting in integrity? Am I actually walking with what I believe, or am I doing this out of yeah. The the the because I also wanna see birth, and I wanna make money, and there's all these conflicting things. Right? And it's like, no. But I don't wanna see that birth. I don't wanna see birth like that because that's not birth. So that became also very clear in me. Like, that's a hard no. I'm feeling disgusted and disembodied when I leave versus feeling so high and so so like, I'm a writer, so whenever I go to a sovereign birth, I leave and poetry just it pours through me. Like, I just I write, like, odes of love to these women that I see, in their in their primal power. It's so good. And I'm like, we all deserve that. That's what every woman deserves. So, yeah, that's clear. So I I reframe my birth business. I reframe the way I wanna show up for women, the way I wanna serve women, and I begin to approach, conceiving my second son. And that was also, like, a very, conscious decision of when when we decided to do that. My partner was ready long before I was, but for me, I wanted to it's so cute. I I wanted to engage with my work, but I also wanted to pour all of my love and energy into my son and really, like, form that solid attachment before inviting the the beautiful chaos of another baby into our family. And after COVID nonsense and all this crazy stuff, my marriage definitely had some some work to be to be looked at. We needed to to find ourselves in each other again, and that I took that very seriously because an intention of inviting another baby and was also to keep our marriage at the center of our home and that it fractured out a bit. Yeah. So we did some really beautiful work and and connected and found our juice and our love and our care again and conceived my son. And, yeah, pregnancy was great. Feeling strong, definitely sick, feeling like shit in that way, but, you know, life goes on. I see it very well. I know. Yeah. But it's like but I I love being pregnant, and I really go into, like, this life. That that's the contrast, right, of being a woman. So many things can be true at once. Twelve weeks before I got pregnant, my best friend also, she got pregnant. So it was, like, such a joy to share that together, and we we quite quickly decided, like, let's be at each other's births. Like, you come to mine. I come to yours. And and that felt so lovely and, yeah, amazing to create this, like, family container where we held each other's stories. And, yeah, she and I have traveled together on many different levels, and and I knew her ability to hold space and and be in sacred devotion and ceremony was like yeah. It it just felt so good to invite her. And I also knew that her she would have a baby at that time. So it was like, yeah. Bring your baby, and you and my partner will sit there in silent reference. And, yeah, basically, I made every day a delicious prenatal where I did what I wanted, ate what I wanted, engaged energetically with what I wanted, and and I don't even really have a lot of bullshit to tune out because I feel that I've, like, curated a life where, yeah, I'm feeling very supported and very loved. I remember at the end of towards the end of the pregnancy being like, it's so nice that there's just no one to pathologize me. There's nothing in here to make a problem out of anything. I'm just growing life and enjoying it, feeling so peaceful, not feeling ever like there's anything I need to defend myself against or justify or protect. And I think that's it's just such a shame that a modern woman's pregnancy and birth experiences end up about how to protect themselves or how to not get abused and fucking killed, basically. It there is another way. There's there's a way where we can actually feel very good and very nourished and, yeah, very much in our power. So that is how I felt.
Speaker 3
Is women that absolutely love to pathologize themselves, and they don't feel against the system at all. They're like, tell me doctor all the ways I'm, you know, broken and all the drugs I should take, and they're, like, super into that. It's a very sick consciousness, but I think it's actually probably our majority. And then there's, you know, the, like, internal quiet rebel who, like, doesn't like what's happening. You know? Totally. But I think a lot of women where they're at, like, they love it. They're like, yeah. I'm so fucked up. Yeah. I need you. Yeah. I outsource. You know? Those aren't the words they're gonna use, but they're like
Speaker 2
No. No. But no. They go in
Speaker 3
and say like, govern me hard.
Speaker 2
Yeah, daddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They go in begging for the c section. Obviously, there's a I remember going back to Ohio when my first son was one and a half and meeting with, like, some old college acquaintances and friends who were fucking dumbfounded that I had my natural home birth because they all went straight for the epidural, straight for the everything. And they were like, they'd never met a woman who had a natural birth at home.
Speaker 3
Why wouldn't you want major, major major surgery?
Speaker 2
Like, why wouldn't you want why wouldn't you want fentanyl in your spine? I mean, I like to get high too. Right? It's great. That literally is the
Speaker 3
scariest possible way I could think
Speaker 2
of getting high, you know, like, on a table, not
Speaker 3
feeling diminished. Strangers around you and oh my god. Yeah.
Speaker 2
It's very sad. Well, me feeling completely on display. Very, very sad. So yeah. But often you've
Speaker 3
curated your life in a way that your pregnancy gets to be the high vibes that it's that it should be, and you're getting into your birth. Your friend does birth prior to you?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Has a fucking epic free birth. She is wonderful. She is so strong. She was a queen. It was the most one of the most beautiful things I've ever watched. I'm so lucky. I'm feeling so high and connected to her and her family and then to bring that energy into my birth was like her son was three months old at the time. He was, like, silent the entire my entire birth, which just goes to show that, like, yeah, he was a little angel, like, a little spiritual midwife. He was so good. Yeah. So I feel great. I my requirements for this birth are that the space and energies are tended to and that no one talks to me unless spoken to. Like, I I don't want anything and definitely don't want anything. I just just wanna hang out, kinda have a family party, and they're down to do that. So the night before I go into the labor, I tuck myself into bed, and I feel this, like, tiny little room wave. It's it's such a distinct wave, and it's, like, ten seconds. And I'm like, Okay. Cool. And maybe, like, thirty, forty minutes later, another little, like, happens. I'm like, ah, okay. Like, maybe maybe it's gonna happen. And, basically, I just drift in and out of dreamland and would wake. I don't know how often, but every so often with this experience of a very short crescendo. And it never really went anywhere. So morning comes, and my husband, like, wraps me in his arms, and I tell him what's up. And nothing else really happens. So I'm like, yeah. I go to work. It's all good. I'm just gonna hang out, take our son to kindergarten. And he was four no. He just turned five. Yeah. So he's five at the time. So I waited that long in between, which was such a fucking wonderful decision for us. I love the age gap. It's so good.
Speaker 3
Uh-huh. Yeah. We're we've got, I think, four and a half. It's so good.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. I've, I'm pretty sure Suni was born, like, one week before my first son. Our our babies are very close in age. Yeah. So he goes to work. I'm kinda hanging out in in the kitchen, making breakfast, feeling some waves if I very, again, these, like, teensy things, womb activity, if you will, when I stand up. But if I sit down, then then nothing happens. I'm like, okay. I'm just watching this. It's so good. Around eight thirty, I go to the bathroom and see that, yeah, there's quite some blood and and mucus. I'm like, okay. Maybe that's my my my mucus plug. And and then, like, a surge of more intensity and stronger length comes. And I'm like, Okay. I'm deciding, like, this is this is happening. So I call my friend and I call my partner. I'm like, yeah. Maybe you guys can head over. And he's like, how fast should I drive? Like, I'm forty minutes away, and I'm like, it's chill. And, yeah, my son just continues playing with Legos la la la, and I go into the bedroom. And, yeah, I just settled into my body, and I I feel quite emotional. I'm I, like, tear up, and I'm crying a little bit just, like, in this very meta understanding of of what I'm about to go into and the journey I'm about to to to go through and feeling so peaceful and calm and and and very tender and open. And my husband comes home, and he finds me in bed and cuddles my body. And, yeah, we just connect, and it feels so stable and grounding to to have created this baby in love and know that I have my husband's loving support through this entire thing, like, as this foundational stability. So I'm like, yeah. Take I I hadn't decided if I wanted to include my son yet, and I had the fantasy of, like, family birth. Oh my gosh. And I've talked to him about birth since forever. He's seen many birth videos. Like, it's it's very important to me to deliver this other kind of consciousness to to my sons. So I'm like, oh, it could be so nice, of course, to give him this experience. And in that moment, I was like, take him take him away. Like, not having it. No. I did not. No. Like, there's there's no way I'll have any capacity to be anything but showing up for myself. So, like, anything he has, like, I don't want in my space. I'm so glad he wasn't there. Oh my goodness. Great. So he's like, cool. I'll drive. So that was nice to have this, like, empty house feeling and know that soon, like, the the homies, my beloveds, were going to come. But in in those moments, probably, like, forty minutes or something, it was just me. And I put on music and and lit a candle and and just rocked with my waves. And, yeah, I lay on the couch and, again, just feel so emotionally touched. And and I kind of start crying again, and it has nothing to do with the pain. It it's not even painful, but, yeah, nothing to do with that. It's like it's like the the veils start splitting, and and I'm entering into another dimension, and that feels so soft. And I can't comprehend that I'm a woman, and I get to do this. It's like, wow. And as I'm crying, I I feel someone's presence next to me on the couch, and then someone grabbed my hand and I opened my eyes and and it's my my best friend. And and I just start weeping, like, looking at her eyes, and it's it's just so emotional, and it's like this person that I I love and trust so deeply. And and there she is, and she's holding her baby and and holding my hand. And I'm like, okay. It has begun. Ceremony started. My husband sets up some squishy stuff in front of the fire, and I'm just standing standing, swaying, rocking over in that area. The sensations are super low in my womb. I can almost feel like it's, like, divided into my womb. Like, I feel no activity at all in the top and and just very mild sensations in the lower half. And obviously, I'm not timing, but I'm like, okay. These feel kind of short. So after, like, an hour of doing that, I'm like, okay. Is it because baby hasn't engaged? You know? The the brain wants to start all my birth stuff. Like, okay. Does the baby's head need to come down, and then I still have to do all the other work? Is this gonna take forever? La la la. And then I'm like, whatever. Fuck that. Just keep going. Like, allow the thoughts to be there and run through me, and then they then they go away. I'm I'm making, like, next to no sound. It's it's a very breathy, calm silence. Like, when I see the videos, it's just, like, super serene and chill. In my body, it feels like a lot of pressure, like an enormous amount of pressure and, oh, and, oh, it's so long. Okay. And then probably an hour and a half after doing that, so the birth has been going on two and a half hours maybe, and I'm, like, going in the shower. I need new space. So I I go to the shower, and it doesn't really help. Oh my gosh. Should I sleep? Should I eat? I'm in transition, so this is, like, my classic transition plan, like, I guess. Right? So I'm like, oh, what should I do to change this experience? Like, call my partner and then, like, dry me off. Like, whatever, man. It's like and in that moment, my pelvis tilts forward, and my water just bursts all over the bathroom just like. And he's like, did you just pee? I'm like, no. My water burst in in the sensation of the pressure easing, like that the release of that pressure was like, oh, that was so nice. And in that moment, it went from this super serene calm experience to, like, full on literal emergence. Like, from that moment to to my son being born was eight minutes. So it was it was so wild and so fast. So I I recognized that the familiar feeling of the descent. Right? Like, I could just feel him drop into into my birth canal, really. It was like, I love it because the sensation switches. It's so it's so it's not subtle. It's it's so obvious. Like, no longer is the the dilation and the perfect forming of of baby's position, whatever. It's it's it's descent energy. It's and so I'm like, yeah. Because he was standing near the toilet, and I'm like, move because it was like this simultaneous need to shit, throw up, like, let him drop, snot pouring out, like all the great purges happening all at once. And I'm like, oh, this is so like Ayahuasca. Like, I'm so happy I'm trained in this like Jedi ninja focus that can be required to to not go into too much of what's happening, but literally just allow the body to release in all the ways it needs to. Like that, it it's almost like projectile vomiting. I mean, a lot's not coming out, but just this, like, diaphragm movement of meh. So that passes, and I'm like, wow. Okay. And then I I yell for my my friend because I'm like, if she if she doesn't come in here, like, she's gonna miss the this awesome moment. And she comes in, and to me, it's so obvious, but I can see on them, like, they're they're they they just saw me in the living room, like, super chill and silent. So she's just, like, wanting to hang out with me. And and then I'm, like, whispering, like, the head is here. Because I can, like, feel just a moment up into into me. His head is there, and it just feels so giant. And they're like, Rachel, are you giving birth now? Like, what? And I'm like, yes. Like, the baby's here. So I move off the toilet and come in this interesting, like, forward lungy position, which is, again, just another perfect way that my body wanted to be based on the position of my baby. And I think afterwards, I remember thinking, like, it is so fascinating to me that a woman in the middle of this, Like, I've seen I've seen women demand that women get out of the birthing pool with a head in between her legs because, obviously, they don't have the access they need. And it is like, how the fuck did she do that? Because in that moment, there was no other position that I could have been in at all. Like, I couldn't have been any lower. It feels like my whole body would have torn. Like, literally, my body went into this lunch, and that was it. And I'm like, how can we be, as women, so obedient in this authority? It's because we are in the most vulnerable experience of our life. And then someone with perceived authority is telling us to do something absurd and so against what our body wants, but the the command is still followed. Like, I've seen crazy shit. And I'm like, that's some deep indoctrination that I I I hope for every woman on the planet that that we get to unplug from this indoctrination and really get real with, like, why would you ever, in a moment that's so fine tuned to your survival and your success, listen to someone on the outside? That's absurd advice because they wanna get closer to your pussy, really. It's it's fucking gross. So none of that was present at my free birth. So I'm in this lunch, not pushing it at all. The force of the universe is moving through me, and it is incredible and and intense and painful and cosmic, and it's many things. There's no way out but through, and and I feel very ready to go through the ring of fire. I could feel quite some burning, around my my Yoni, but nothing that stopped what was about to happen, which was his head emerging. And I had my hand on my vulva and his head as it came out. And then when his head came out, I just, like, needed to put both hands on my own legs just to stabilize. So my partner was behind me. He's so epic and efficient. He somehow managed to, like, grab his phone and put it, like, right underneath. So I have this, like, crazy epic video of, like, ass and vulva and head emerging that I was totally not expecting to get. And then I have this the normal, you know, forward facing video that my friend took. So it was it's really nice for me to be able to see all these angles that that I would never get to see of of my own baby's emergence. It was super cool. And and to see my husband's face, because what you really see is is me, but his face too. So to watch him receive my baby, our baby, yeah, That was it's so beautiful. So my son comes out, and he passes him through me, through my legs to me, and I kneel on the bathroom floor and and just hold him. And I'm very high. I'm very, very high still. And and and then a lot of discomfort. Like, I I'm not a woman who I I see many women on the Internet and in person that, to me, I perceive it as, like, they're in the experience, and then it's like, that was over, and then they're just in this glorious, my baby. And that's that's not how I experience it. I I experience it as it definitely takes some long moments for me to land into the experience of what the actual fuck just happened. That was crazy. So it's, it's such a treasure to be able to have that uninterfered with and to be able to hold my baby in silence without anyone directing anything and the contact come from me when I'm ready. So that was some breaths there of just feeling the enormity of, like, whoo.
Speaker 3
I actually think it's, like, in one of the most important parts of integration, you know, to not have that somebody put your baby on your chest and kind of force that part that you're describing. I think the the steps of integration for your own consciousness to, like, digest what the fuck just happened and how rattled and how, like, spiritually shattered, you you know, we are from that is a really important step to get to take your time. And really only women in sovereign births even get the chance to take their time in that. We're just talking about, like, a couple seconds sometimes, but to not have it forced on you by literally your baby being put on your chest and to get to do that, I think, for our brains is a really important and really significant integration point That's exactly what you said.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So much has to catch up with the experience. So, yeah, it it it felt very this felt like such a reclamation for me. All all parts all parts were like, I'm owning this. This gets to be exactly my medicine. No one's altering it. No one's trying to just manage it a little bit, so it's a little better. It's it's perfect, and it's mine, and I wanna taste it all. Yeah. So we've moved from the bathroom to my fire squish area and feel so elated, so high. Like, we're like, wow. That's crazy. The baby's here. What? That was three hours. Like, oh my goodness. Woah. Feeling so happy. Like, looking at my best friend and my partner, we're like and pretty shortly after the the surges to okay. They're bitch slaps to get the placenta out begin. Right? They were really, really terrible in birth one, and I'd always wondered if it was because I took such a giant dose of shepherd's purse that, like, that had done something because they were brutal. Well, that's not the case because I took nothing. And this time, it slammed into me so hard. I vomited. Like, I'm laying there with my baby. I just vomits and and, like, pouring sweat and shaking like a mad woman and just so and I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, it's really not birth is not over. And and it it definitely, from my experience, the the placental emergence is much more intense, much more horrendous, actually, because my contractions end up lasting multiminutes. It's not it's not just a a wave. It's like knives in my womb for multiminutes, and I'm, like, pleading with the gods and feeling like I'm gonna die and just, like, it's so brutal, man. And then it would pause and I'm like, okay. So this happens a few times within the span of an hour. And then about an hour, I'm like, I want the placenta out because I've I've gotten my head that if I get the placenta out, then my wound will have to do so much work. Right? And then maybe this is my story, my hopeful story. So I'm like, okay. I I kneel over our sourdough bowl, which I love cooking with still. And I kinda, like, tug on the cord a little bit and, yeah, nothing's really happening. Another contraction slams into me, and it's just like I simply cannot be sitting up holding my baby and holding my body weight while I'm shaking so much. Like, it's it's just so bad. So I, like, lay back down. I'm like, but I want this to sit down. I really want it out. So I look at my friend, and I'm like, can you would you pull a little bit on it? And and and this is, like, this is such a redemption and such a full circle healing experience for me, this right here, where I have my best friend in front of me who is she's only of service to my highest good. She has zero agenda. She has zero fear. She literally is there to hold space for me and and be guided by me and my authority and my agency, which is, like, such a drastic shift from anything women receive within the medical model and such a giant shift from the the the abuse that happened in my first birth when I'm literally saying no, and it's happening to my body anyways. And then I go so fucking numb that I block that out and, like, you know, bury that story so deep that it takes years for that to surface of what really happened. So I lay there. She's like she pulls a little bit and is like, it's definitely right here. Like, you can release it. And I'm like, okay. So it comes out. It flops onto the the bed, and I am so and it's all on video. It's so sweet. I'm so relieved. Like, my whole body is like, oh, and I'm just, like, crying. Like, thank you so much. And, and she she just leans her her chin onto my knee, and she had picked my placenta up and put it in the bowl. And her hands are covered in my womb blood, and and she just looks into my eyes and smiles. And I'm just like, this is it. Like, this is sisterhood. This is true service to women and birth. It it just this intimacy. Mhmm. So then then the the very obvious, like, hormonal shift of, like, placenta being out, it it comes over me because the the high just gets way, way higher. So, like, that work is done. And and then I'm really elated and, like, really, like, oh, man. This is crazy. But sadly, the the after pains, I have to call them that because that's what they are. They are not they're not done with me. And every so often, you know, every hour and, obviously, when every time he nurses and latches, it is horrendous. And it's a three and a half, four day experience for me, which every day gets progressively better. But even by day four, it was still, like, super gnarly period cramps, and I was just stuck with it. Right? After four days, instead of feeling completely demolished by yeah. The this experience, it lasts it also did in my first birthday. It lasts a long time for me, and it sucks. But what I wanna emphasize is that it wasn't a problem. Like, this was not an issue, and and it was just a part of my experience, a part of my initiation that I I I rose up and and I met, and and then it passed. I guess just this this maybe fear that can that can swirl around in some women's consciousness of, like, but what if this happens, and and will I be able to handle this, and should we call is this a problem? And it's often, though, just meeting the experience and being with it and allowing it, it is just a part of our our journey, and it doesn't actually have to be infused with fear. There was never any fear energy in it. It was just like, damn. I'm ready to fully enjoy this newborn phase and not have to deal with this, like, hourly, excruciating. But
Speaker 3
it helped. What was your kind of protocol? Any tips for women who haven't gone through
Speaker 2
it yet? I I worked with belladonna. I can't say that it yeah. I don't know that it, did so much help. It has definitely helped me many years ago with with wound, menstruation, pain. So I I felt, okay, maybe this can be it, but that wasn't really yeah. Nothing really took the edge off. I also had, like, a a cramp bark motherwort tincture that I was yeah. I was, at this point, taking quite a few different herbs and okay, but what really helped was a hot water bottle. Just keeping a hot water pack on my womb at all times and literally not moving, which was always the plan. But I definitely after both of my births, I kinda feel like I've gotten hit by a truck. Like, my body like, all the energy is just zapped out, and then and then I'm done. I'm that's just my flow. So the plan is always to stay in bed, but the reality is I can't really get out of bed. I don't want to get out of bed. I'm I'm down. And, yeah, the the love for my husband really exploded in these days. Like, just seeing how much of service he is to our family and and what a pillar he is and the amount of food and laundry and care and love for all of us, the whole family that he showed up with endlessly in those days and weeks was just like yeah. My heart blew open, and I felt so grateful to have this man serve me in this way while I while I healed literally and spiritually and and came back together, but also got to really honor that that bubble. Yeah. Thank you.
Speaker 3
So how would you say, kind of in conclusion, how would you say your sovereign birth has changed you? What do you notice about who you are now having gone through this power walk?
Speaker 2
Yeah. I'm a queen. It's that that feels like like I'm amazing. I feel I feel completely in align with what I know to be my capacity. I feel that my first birth was like a launching, like, launching me into a lot of realms that I need to explore and let die. And a lot of identities that I was holding onto that were not serving. So that was like a five year deep inner work. I worked with you. I worked with the fifteen commitments. I, yeah, a lot of different ceremonial things to really come home to myself, launched me into this space. And, and when I look at Lumiose birth, my, my second son, I feel like I landed, Like, I landed into my body as a woman, as as the matriarch of my family, as as the clear visionary for the path through which my family is walking. Yeah, it it feels much more clear and easy to inhabit the space that I'm in and and take it up. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. So grateful. Thank you.
Speaker 3
Thank you for your time and your story medicine. And it's just so it's so cool how how many women that walk this path and are willing to do their work then so naturally attend their sisters. It's like the most epic ripple effect of consciousness rising, consciousness raising, you know?
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. And that is what this is. This movement is spreading like wildfire. Like, I know so many women in Denmark that are free birthing and choosing sovereign birth, and it's wild. Like, it's unstoppable. And and, yes, also answering the call to show up and serve other women because when we see the system that's clearly harming, the only answer is to be like, and I'm over here, and I'm of service. We're all over here. Yeah.
Speaker 3
So how can Woom find you?
Speaker 2
Yeah. I am at womb song, womb dot song on Instagram, and my website is rachelruva. Yeah. I offer in line in person and online, services to women from around the world. So, yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 3
Thank you.
Speaker 2
Thank you, Emilee.
Speaker 3
Nice to sit with you and hear all of this. I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below, and, of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the good word of sovereign birth. Don't forget, you can watch our podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories, and you'll also find our viral free birth collection of epic raw birth videos on our YouTube. Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out all about it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and of course, our annual women's gathering, the matriarch rising festival. Our exclusive private vetted membership, The Lighthouse, is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life. Together, we rise sisters. We must speak our stories, fully claim our lives and support one another. This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our gorgeous Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. Magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored, eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding, the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed, drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons or your poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back to the star. Wild woman, she still lives in Sahar. Wild woman, from you, I will not hide. They could not bend
