Speaker 0
Into the wild, I'm going into the wild, I am. It's been a wild, freedom child since I left my roots back home. Into the wild I'm good. Into the wild I am. It's been a wild freedom child since I left my roots back home.
Speaker 1
Welcome to the Free Birth Society podcast. This is a radical space for women who are ready to celebrate their autonomous choices in birth, motherhood, and beyond. Together, we'll learn about wild birth through personal narrative, we'll explore the politics of birth, and we'll analyze everything that relates to our lives as women from a feminist perspective. Here's your host, Emilee Saldaya. It's
Speaker 0
been a wild freedom check since I've left my rules back home.
Speaker 2
Matric Rising Festival, our annual summer solstice women's gathering, is here on my gorgeous land in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and it is the place to connect with me and the free birthing women and sovereign midwives of this epic birth liberation movement. I teach classes and host an intimate meet and greet the very first night of the festival, and you will even catch me DJing. Yes. I am matriarch one. You'll get to meet all of our Freebird Society luminaries, our wise women teachers, who you know from your favorite FBS courses. You'll meet the very women I interview on this podcast. This is the place for wild women and moms to meet up, connect, and forge friendships that can last a lifetime. It's truly the climax of everything we do, and MRF is so close to my heart. We're scaling back MRF twenty five to be the most intimate yet, capping it at only a hundred and fifty tickets because this year, I wanna go deep. I just love the experience of getting to know each and every one of you by the end of the festival. For a long time, I held the vision of creating a women's gathering where true sisterhood could be woven, and matriarch rising is the manifestation of my dreams. I'm so glad I get to share it with all of you, and I want you there this year. Come learn directly from me and surround yourself with powerful women from all ages, all walks of life, and from all over the world. Make sure you sign up for our mailing list so that you can be the first to know when we roll out all of our insider insights of this summer's festival. I'll see you soon. Dara. Hello. Welcome. Welcome. I'm excited to hear your stories in there in there, you know, as much as we can cover full completion today. And I know you from you being a student in MMI, and so it's been fun to know you in that way. Yeah. So we're gonna just drop in today and and go fully all in with these three births. My understanding as of now is that you had two births in the system, and then you free birthed your third baby. How old is that baby now?
Speaker 3
He'll be one next month.
Speaker 2
Okay. So still really little. So, yeah, who are you three kids ago? And just start wherever you want.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Yeah. So my first son I have three boys. They're ten, seven, and almost one. So, actually, he'll be eleven soon. So almost twelve years ago, I guess. You know? I'm, like, totally a different person. It's, like, hard to really remember who I was back then. I've had three kids, so that means I'm three times changed. Plus, I've started a business, which is like having a baby, as as you probably know. So, yeah, I've changed a lot, you know, as we do. And, so twelve years ago, two thousand fourteen, I had been with Andy, my husband now, for three or four years. And, I mean, I was twenty five years old, so fairly young. Although in my maternal lineage, all the women had babies eighteen years and younger. So twenty five for me was actually
Speaker 2
You're an old hag.
Speaker 3
Totally. And
Speaker 2
Wait. So your mom had her kids under eighteen?
Speaker 3
She well, she had me when she was seventeen.
Speaker 2
Dang. Okay.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And since we're there, she home birthed me, with a midwife. So that's how,
Speaker 2
Amazing.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And, so so, yeah, I'm twenty five years old. I've always been this, like, people always tell me old soul. You know? So even though I was, like, young, I felt like I had everything figured out. You know?
Speaker 2
Who doesn't think that at twenty five?
Speaker 3
You know, I've been a nurse for, for I graduated in twenty ten, so I've been a nurse for four years, which again, like, I'm no novice nurse at this point. Like, I know everything there is to know about every system of the body and parts of the hospital and all the things.
Speaker 2
What kind of nurse were you where
Speaker 3
wasn't true.
Speaker 2
What department were you working in?
Speaker 3
Yeah. I actually did not have a very conventional nursing career, not to be surprised because I've really never been aligned with the system at all. But let's see. I started working in a hospital while I was in nursing school as a nurse assistant and so I worked in pediatrics and cardiology. And then when I graduated, I actually shifted from the hospital system, which I absolutely hated every minute of it, to home health and hot like, home health hospice slash home infusion. And so I did that, which so many so many instances of unethical shit that goes down in that world too. I, like, had a new job every two years, but I did dabble in, like, case management, home infusion, which will kinda bring me into, like, how I transformed into who I am today. But yeah. So, but I had worked in and out of the hospital as contract nursing here and there, just kinda like med surg stuff. But I still thought I knew everything about OB and having a baby in the system. You know, I had gone through, obviously, nursing school. And I'd like, I was I'd seen c sections. I had yeah. So all I have to say, when I found out I was pregnant, I, you know, do what they do. I need go to the doctor to get it confirmed to the doctor I saw. Long story short, I had been with her since I was fifteen years old. And so for ten years, you know, she had started me on birth control at fifteen years old and then the IUD and then I had gotten the LEAP procedure. I had gotten the the HPV vaccines, all these things. And so in my first pregnancy, I was getting sonograms every appointment. I was kinda considered higher risk because of the LEAP procedure. You familiar with this? So I don't know what it stands for, but they go in and they they cut a piece of your cervix out to test it. It was fine, but it creates scar tissue. I know. I know. Which, of course, they don't tell you this when you do the procedure. That's not necessary. That yeah. Like, you're gonna have scar tissue there, and then that's gonna put you at risk for getting a stitch possibly when you're pregnant. And so they were monitoring my sonograms for shortening of the cervix. And through that, they made up the or yeah. The story was created that I had big babies, which also wasn't true, at the end of the day. But I was I'm a small person and a big baby and a cervix that is ruined, and so here we are. You know? And, signed up for the induction at thirty nine weeks. And luckily, thankfully, it did not end in a c section. You know, what else do I wanna say about about that? I mean, it was fairly I was twenty five years old, so my body, you know, it did kick into gear right before the doctor was to walk in and break my waters. My waters broke, you know, immediately. Yeah. Just I was probably really protected in those in that time because it just it felt fairly non traumatic. I didn't last in my nursing. I only nursed him for six about weeks. I had a lot of a lot of anxiety. You know? I think I talked to nurse friends, and that's pretty common with nurses. It's like, yeah, we just we know all these things that really set us up. Well,
Speaker 2
it's also just common when you birth in the system because the whole approach is anxiety producing.
Speaker 3
Totally. Yeah. And yeah the whole story about the big baby really really, you know, it gets to you and it's something that they just say all the time, you know, and and that that actually really really gets to you because you think I remember my doctor telling me, that she made me feel really special and unique after I had this birth because she's like, your body was just meant to birth. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Thank god. You know? As if all women aren't meant to birth babies but what she meant was she I was pretty committed to, like, having this natural birth which to me just meant vaginally at the time. But, yeah, she had like, oh, yeah. I I got a babysitter because I thought you would be pushing all day and we would end in a c section. Like, she just she told me that right after I had my baby and that she was just so impressed with my body's ability that I just built to birth my baby. And so anyways yeah. And so my second birth kinda copy paste. It was the same exact story three years later. Big baby. And
Speaker 2
Even though you disproved the first time?
Speaker 3
Yeah. My first son was eight pounds, ten ounces.
Speaker 2
Nice. The national average.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And the second one was eight pounds. You know? And I had no problem pushing them out. Like, my yeah. So
Speaker 2
Yeah. It's it's a really predatory myth because it's already just so intimidating to consider pushing anything out of our vaginas. Like, it's just already, like, something's gonna come out of there, you know, and then you see it and you're like, that was inside me. Like, it's already just such a big deal and and kind of, I mean, I think to some degree naturally intimidating. So then to consider that you somehow have grown a baby larger than what you could possibly handle is terrifying.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. And had this whole thing, about pain at that time. You know? I think the stories and kind of the conditioning that I had, I remember through nursing school is, like, what we would tell people in nursing like, in ROB and what I heard nurses telling patients is, like, why suffer? You know? There's the drugs. Why suffer? That's that doesn't make sense. You know? And and, yeah, I was really scared of the pain and, yeah. So, yeah, second birth kinda same thing except the epidural didn't work, and I got it three times. And I remember feeling everything as they was coming out. And that's the only thing I could focus on, was I feel everything. You know? So yeah. But, you know, that was again, I was a nurse. I was in the system still for several years after that. And, when I would think about my birth and tell my birth story, it was like, yeah. I did great. You know? Like, it was fine to be expected. And then see. I think things a big turning point, not only in, like, my own personal life and journey with my kids, but also in my career. My second son, at a very young age, got eczema pretty bad. And so this kind of threw me into the world of podcasts and, like, kinda nutrition, food is medicine, functional medicine. I had shifted from kind of pediatrics into neurology, and I was working with, like, really sick, chronically ill infusion patients, IV infusion patients. I worked in that infusion center. And, yeah, I would like I learned about food as medicine, you know, all these things. And I would talk to my patients about, like, how we can heal their MS and all these, like they used to call me KO girl there. Like, I don't know. It was just it seemed so radical at that time. And, I got really, really into that and switched from where I was at, neurology, into functional medicine. And I had a mentor who taught me about ozone therapy, which is a very underground, you know, a a truly amazing therapy that no one knows about, but it is, like, really, really, really powerful. And so that happens in twenty eighteen, and then twenty twenty happens. And, this therapy is actually really helpful for what was going on at that time, you know, acute illnesses. So I, step out of that were world of functional medicine and open my own business. And that is when I will say, I think I fully went rogue. It was like, I don't care anymore. I don't care about I don't care about what people how people are responding and and, you know, this is this is it. This is medicine. This is healing. This is this is the work. This is my purpose. I've arrived here. And, yeah, it felt really good and and I was helping a lot of people. You know? I was like, I definitely have this, this hero thing going on. I think a lot of as nurses, we do. And so yeah. Then that kinda leads me to my pregnancy. We were done having kids. We didn't we didn't really consider it. We were pretty occupied with the two, and my husband has some trauma. In his childhood, he was one of three boys and one had passed, and so we were done with two. And then something really shifted in me again. I was running my business and, really really digging that, like, hero work that I was doing then. And then all of a sudden my relationships kinda started falling apart and I'm like What relationships? So my marriage. Ew. Yeah. So there came a point in my marriage where yeah. Like, I just it became really clear that something needed to shift in me, and what it came down to was I was living in my masculine all the time. I was going to work. I was working hardcore, loving it, coming home, still still in it, and I really didn't know how to turn it off. And so I started working with, actually, with a coach. And, so I really I chose to work on accessing my feminine. And, when I, like, get into something, I, like, tend to, like, jump all the way in. And that led to me completely shifting gears in my business. I, realized that people were starting to come to me to be healed, and they'd be like they'd find me on Instagram, and they're like, oh, you have this amazing therapy. And I don't know anything about it, but I'm coming to you, and I don't know what I need, but I'm just gonna do whatever you say I'm gonna do. You know? It got to be there, and I just started feeling really uncomfortable with that. So that was happening too, and and I shift from from that kind of, you know, business and heroism to I need to actually, like, turn towards my family and and and be present with my children. And I wanna work with people, but, like, I wanna more or less create a space for them to really figure out what they need, you know, and, like, them do it themselves and me just me just be here to kind of guide them to what it is that they so I start thinking about how I can shift. Then I get pregnant. And, yeah, that wrapped me. I'm like, okay. Here's my new rabbit hole. Like, I need to completely relearn because I knew I wasn't gonna return to the system again.
Speaker 2
Had you heard about free birth yet?
Speaker 3
I had seen one woman free birth on Instagram, and she posted, like, a really long birth video where the midwife never came. And I was like, where is the midwife? You know? And, she didn't call it free birth, but I remember that moment thinking, holy crap. That's amazing. That's amazing for her. Don't think I could ever do that. You know? That's not really for me. But so when I got pregnant and I'm like, okay. I'm not gonna go back to the hospital because I know that I will just get the epidural, and I had chronic back pain from them trying three times. And, also, I'm in this whole another world. I'm a whole different human being, and I know that that's just not the place for me. And I wanted to do it at home. And so I go to the few women that I know that have done a home birth, and I'm like, okay. You know, who do I go interview? What are the questions do I need to ask? I I really had done no thinking about this world of birth at all. And so I got a lot of warnings. It was like, okay. Don't go to this one. Don't go to that one. Make sure that you work with someone who's gonna allow you to go past forty two weeks because that's why I was transferred and all these things and I'm like, what? You know? Like, they're just gonna drop me if I don't follow the rules? You know, and then I mean, so that was when I the first time I kinda really woke up to to medical midwives. And then, I did had scheduled with the, like, crunchiest OB in Dallas, I guess, like, the confirmation of pregnancy appointment at eight weeks. And so I I'd found out pretty early on in my pregnancy. I think I was only, like, four or five weeks pregnant. But by eight weeks, I had decided we're not doing that. You know? Like, definitely not doing that. I don't need why do I need a doctor to confirm my pregnancy? That was kinda like the second wake up for me. Like, that's so weird. I know I'm pregnant. Yeah. So then I'm I'm talking to just different women in my community, and this one woman is like, well, did you know that you can actually just birth at home without a midwife? And I thought that thought to me was, like, so so rogue and so out there just like, you know, probably a lot of people used to think about ozone therapy, but I was interested. I'm like, oh, okay. So then I got pointed to the podcast, and, of course, I listened to all the stories. And, it wasn't a very it wasn't an immediate decision that this was something that I could do. You know. Like, for nine months, it felt like eight months, I really needed to I needed confirmation from other women that this is something that I could do. And, I did a lot of a lot of, like, introspection, and I got introduced to your tools through just the podcast. And, my coach is kind of familiar with some of the things. And, yeah, a lot a lot of things came up and I realized that, I was definitely in a codependent relationship with my husband at the time. I wanted a home birth, but he was very unfamiliar with it. And I'm not gonna say he's not supportive because that's actually what's the lesson is, like, it was actually me who didn't believe that I could do this, and I was using that as an excuse, you know, for not being committed to this decision. But yeah. No. He was definitely, like, totally freaked out by it, had a lot of fears, and I was gonna you like, I needed him to be okay with it in order for me to be okay with it is what I what I realized. I know there was one specific woman on this podcast who really said, like, you know, I didn't ask my husband for permission. I asked for his support. And, yeah, like, I that was for me. That was really a message that came through for me, and I used that language when I talked to my husband. And I said, look. Like, this is my body. Like, the baby is me, and I get to make the decisions. You know? And he was supportive, and it ended up working out. But I really learned you know, I I picked up a mantra along the way that was like, I don't need you to be okay to be okay. Mhmm. And that has really carried through since then. It's been really amazing. And, yeah, I, like, saw so many ways that I was heroing him and hearing myself and, the self betrayal that I had in my first two births was, yeah, like, insane, and I just I didn't I couldn't do that again. Now that I saw that I did that, I couldn't do it again. One thing I do wanna share if we have time is, in MMI right now, we're talking about birth trauma, and and Yo talked about, she said, you know, birth trauma is sexual trauma. And when she said that, I thought, okay. That's a pretty radical thought for me and is that true for me. And then a memory came up from my first pregnancy when I was thirty nine weeks. I went in for this the cervical exam. And after the cervical exam with my doctor, she's like, I have a student here who would like to learn how to do a cervical exam. Would you mind? You're a nurse. You understand. Like, we just need to learn these things. Yes. I Oh my god. Quickly remember thinking, you're right. Like, I know we need to you know, like, okay. Sure. And, yeah, it I remember feeling violated and upset and confused and, like, mad. Like, what are you doing in there? Twenty minutes of exploring with Shut up. Yes. What? Twenty minutes. And, I remember I called my friend afterwards, you know, and she'd been waiting for my call. It's the thirty nine week week appointment. And she's like, so how was it? And I'm like, well, I just got fingered for twenty minutes. And I'm just kinda like, what was that? And we laughed about it. You know? We're like, These are just this is what happens. You know? And I think if someone would have if she would have reflected to me at that point, like, if you felt violated, it's because you were violated. You know? Totally unnecessary. You didn't need to do that. I really don't think I would have chosen to do that again. So, yeah, just like it's so important, our language, you know, and how it's so important to name these things what they are.
Speaker 2
And our our bar is so low for this stuff. You know? Because if you I mean, you you've been being penetrated by your gynecologist since you were fifteen. Yeah. You know? Like, as most young American girls have been. And so just as your mother is, like, this is just par for the course. It is rape culture. It's normalized abuse. It's normalized sexual assault. And so what do we do? You know, you have to disassociate. You have to rationalize it. You know, you're a nurse. Like, what a manipulative tactic for you to like, this the this is coercion. This is the whole premise of it. It's really sick. And and it's interesting how many women get upset when women name this.
Speaker 3
Yeah. You
Speaker 2
know? It's interesting, and it really speaks to a very, very tender tender, emotional, you know, layer of all of this. Yeah. I'm so sorry that happened.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Yeah. I I remember feeling after my free birth or having the thought, no one had to see my vagina this whole time. No one saw it, and they didn't have to and let alone be explored. You know?
Speaker 2
Learning on it. Yeah. I mean, the idea of vaginal exams, pre birth is perverted.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 2
I used to know a midwife who would do a early pregnancy exam, and she had this line that she would say. She would, you know, go in and feel all around and then go, yep. You're as wide and big as a horse or something like that. Or you could birth a horse. There was something to do with a horse. And one time I asked her, like, why do you do that? And she was like, oh, so that women know they're big enough to birth their babies. And that really struck me because as sick and twisted as that is, there's also, like, a good intention in there. You know? Like, she wasn't approaching it like I'm gonna assault every woman who comes into my care. She was, like, in her way thinking she was helping build confidence by doing this, like, completely unnecessary penetration of a pregnant woman. It's just it's so twisted. But, yes, no one needs to see your vagina. No one needs to touch your vagina, by the way, ever. Right. Right? Like, we we make these weird concessions in birth that a lot of women wouldn't make in any other scenario. That's wild.
Speaker 3
Just because it's common, it doesn't mean it's normal. You know? It's not just normal. To how
Speaker 2
we're just so groomed to to betray ourselves and, you know, to be uncomfortable and do it anyway, which again is rape culture. Right? Like, I'm sure most of us can come up with some younger memory of, you know, being with a male or in a sexual situation where we were uncomfortable and we did it anyway. And and then again, we could probably identify that in our relationship with gynecology and obstetrics. Yeah. It's really intense, and it's really important to put those, put those strings together because it can be a real light bulb moment for women.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. So there's been all these different kinda, like, reference points where I've been just like, now I cannot unsee what I've seen, and I and I cannot go back. You know? So I cannot go back to to her again. And, even though, like, wildly enough, I, like, I wanted to just let her know I was pregnant. Why? You know? It's like it's interesting to hold that
Speaker 1
Mhmm.
Speaker 3
They had that it has on you.
Speaker 2
Well, and you even though it was perverse, you did have a long standing relationship with this person.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
I mean, this is where it gets really complicated. Yeah. Because it's not like these individual people are consciously evil. Right. You know?
Speaker 3
And my friend who laughed about it with me, you know, like, she just was doing what she knew how to do. You know? But that's what I love about the podcast and just, like, the program is, like, we're just really learning how to show up for women. Like, we're not here to hero them. We're not here to, you know like, the art of listening and reflecting and, naming and, you know, truth telling. It's so important, you know, and language is so important. And so it's something that I'm learning and it's been real really healing for me to name these things and, yeah, like, you just I'm the type of person, I guess. I guess, not everyone is like this where, like, you just as a nurse, like, you just can't unsee what what you what you know now. And I'm sure we'll, like, get to my favorite, but, you know, it did bring me to a point of, like, I'm not even a nurse anymore. You know? Like, I'm not I don't do I need it's such a part of my identity. You know? It's like it's something that I'm really proud of. I think the reason why I became a nurse is, like Mhmm. Not for all of that. Like, you know, I still want to, like, identify as a nurse. I'm like, can I drop registered nurse and just be a nurse? You know? But, like, I've actually yeah. Like, I think I'm just gonna drop that. I have it on my Instagram handle and everything. And I think, you know, that it's just kinda time to put that to bed because I'm not that anymore. You know? And, I I'm just so grateful to have found through my own, like, you know, I truly believe, like, I became I woke up to, like, this need to shift and turn towards my family and and be present with my children. And then that led to me to becoming pregnant and bringing in this baby that led me to free birth that then led me to MMI, you know. And I don't know exactly what will come next, but, you know, it's just it feels all very important. You know?
Speaker 2
And even putting down the label of nurse, I mean, I think your innocence and purity that that called you to that path can still stay very alive and, at like your North Star. What is the, the core driving motivation within nursing is to help people, to be of service. That's beautiful. And that's not gone. You're still doing that through your family, through birth work, through coaching, through your community service, through the ozone therapy. You know, like the the the meat of what drew you to a specific, track isn't gone. It's a part of who you are. And I I see a lot of nurses grapple with that because there is such a social identity, educational identity, job identity. I mean, there's so much wrapped up in being a nurse. And and also, I don't think the label I don't think putting the label down really even has to change that much of your core motivations that are pure and that are good and that are still totally motivating you because it's who you are.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yes. And, like, I I'll get comments of, like, oh, it makes sense that you were able to free birth because you're a nurse. I'm like, oh, no. No. No. No. Actually, is anyone ever ever
Speaker 2
gonna get it? Sarah ever ever at all? That's cute. Yeah. It actually makes no sense that you've rebirthed as a nurse. Totally. None at all.
Speaker 3
Talk about a pendulum swing. Yeah. You know? And so That's funny.
Speaker 2
Okay. So so you start like you said, I mean, the whole pregnancy, you're, like, working this out. You're figuring it out with your guy. You are learning about free birth. You're listening to the podcast. And so so what else do you wanna say about the work of the pregnancy before you go into your birth story?
Speaker 3
Yeah. Well, I mean, I think one thing that came up for me a lot was, like, yes. I was also just living my normal life, and it really wasn't hard to not participate with the system, but there was still, like, people in my life that would ask me a bunch of questions and the conditioning of my nurse brain. You know? Okay. Like, what about, gestational diabetes? Because I did fail my first test. And although I didn't have it, like, I was borderline and then big baby, and there was all that story still there. And so I did have to work through that, quite a bit. And I I bought a CGM, a continuous glucose monitor, and I looked at it a lot. And I just really got good at, like, getting in my body and really feeling, like, what is true for me and trusting. Like yeah. So the wild pregnancy really, solidified this work that all led up to it where that's you're gonna know. You know? You can you can you can know just by tuning in and and all that. And so I did never put the CGM on, and that was really, really healing for me. And, there was another test that everybody was freaking out about. What was it? Oh, where they swab for, GBS. Yes. GBS. And so, yeah, there was all these kinda different things that came up. And and, again, I'm still in my ozone practice, so I still have people that are pregnant coming in wanting to you know, asking me these questions as I'm journeying through this. And so I'm really working through. I'm I tend to, like, learn really well by teaching. And so, my whole pregnancy was just a nosedive into all of this. And, really, a lot of research was done, not just through the podcast, but, you know, through my community and everything. And so it felt like a real fun learning experience for me, and I'm such a nerd, and I love to do that anyways. And so after I was pregnant and after I had my free breath, like, I just wanted more. Like, I just wanted to continue to to, yeah, like, put that to test the truth knowing and the and the self turning into self and and knowing truth and intuition. So I did also have one friend. I I I think I would have hired a woman to be present for my birth because every time I imagined my birth, I I felt a woman's presence, but there was really no one here that I came across. I mean, now I know that there's an underground kind of group. But, at the time, like, there was no one, and there was one woman who was in a a sovereign a different sovereign birth program at the time, and I ended up starting a village prenatal group with her because I still again, I said before, I I needed, like, validation through story of women that I actually knew. And so we started Village Prenatal, and it was, yeah, it was it really helped me talk through all these things about my relationship, who I wanted to have present, and and really visualizing my my dream birth. And, yeah, that's it was it was magical, and my birth ended up playing out exactly how I dreamt that I would. Mhmm. You know?
Speaker 2
Which is
Speaker 3
what? So, in the middle of the night, while my kids are asleep and my husband was asleep, I would wake up to sensations, my water trickling. I would turn on my red light, bounce on my ball, and just, like, welcome the sensations. They weren't, very intense. And I actually okay. I was thirty six weeks along. And so I may have done the math wrong, but I kind of had this, like, total denial going on, which I think, you know, was tactic. Like, it's probably best to just pretend like this isn't the actual the the real thing. I had never really experienced birth in this way since I had been a Right. And so I was like, oh, no. Like, I got days. You know? Then my mucus plug came, and I texted my friend who was available over the phone for me. And I'm like, no. But don't worry. You know? This is it's gonna be it's gonna be days. This isn't happening. Texting my mom. She lives out of state. I put the waterproof I had put the waterproof pad on the bed earlier because it was Mother's Day, and we had all these people over. And I just remember, like, staring at the TV and it being really kinda, like, psychedelic y. And I thought, And, so I put the water pad. I had, like, known it was coming. But
Speaker 2
Isn't that funny?
Speaker 3
Yeah. So I wake up out of bed eleven o'clock. One o'clock, I'm in the bathtub. I have my whole whole scene set up, and I hadn't woken up my husband yet because, again, I'm like, oh, there's time. And I just go into birth world, birth land as they say, and I was in it. And I had been really practicing, in my bathtub before, so it just felt like here I am. And my husband woke up to me making sounds at two AM, opens the bathroom, and he's like, oh my gosh. You know? Is this happening right now? And I said, well, I mean, it's okay. Like, go back to bed. You know? I still I still there was still part of me that didn't know if I wanted him there because of his fears and stuff. And so I so, yeah, I just kind of was like, it's gonna be a while. You're good. And he was perfect. He's like, he got me water, and he's like, well, I'll just be in bed. You know? Let me know if you need anything. And, I continue on. And then all of a sudden, I get this urge to I had been on my back, floating on my back the whole time. I get this urge to sit up and see, like, if he's there. And I put my hand inside a little bit and I feel his head. And then all of a sudden and I do I had started a video. And so watching the video, I just, like, you know, just like this total, like, roar push that happens. And my husband comes in, and he he turns the light on. And I'm like, no. No. No. No.
Speaker 2
No. No. No. That's funny.
Speaker 3
You know, I was wondering if I was gonna have it in me to use my voice to tell him what it like, what I needed because that was my promise to him. Like, don't worry. I will tell you what I need. And I remember you saying, like, in transition, a woman gets really bossy. And I love watching that part of my video because I'm like, don't turn the light on. Don't move that bucket.
Speaker 2
Yeah. Get me that. Get me that. Yeah. So Gotta set that space.
Speaker 3
Yep. And then I the pet is out all of a sudden, and then yeah. And then I go back and I lay on my back, and it's it's a good while where the head's just out. And I remember my husband being like, the head is out. Is that okay? I'm like, yeah. He's fine. You know? And I'm feeling him and talking to him, and then the next sensation, he he I it I had a moment, of course, as we do, where you're, like, make up this story of, like, he's stuck. You know? He just felt big is what it felt like. He wasn't. Mhmm.
Speaker 2
It's still a human baby. Right. Right.
Speaker 4
And so
Speaker 3
I'm like, turn. And I lift my leg, and my husband pushes against my leg, and he comes out. And it was funny because I think he was trained like, conditioned to do that from the hospital. Like, I remember them in the hospital with him pushing my leg. But it was exactly what I needed, and he I felt like he knew what to do. You know? He and I just was not giving him enough credit as he showed up perfectly. And, then we woke up my children. They came down, said hi, went back to bed. Then we I took my placenta came out about forty five minutes later, pretty easily tugged on it a little bit. But other than that, it was, like, pretty straightforward. And my husband went to work because we were a month before we thought he was coming, and my, my friends came over and brought me food and helped me cut the cord. And you know, it just was so
Speaker 2
Wait. He left before you guys had cut the cord? Oh my god. Yeah. I guess he had to be somewhere at a certain time.
Speaker 3
Yeah. And, like, he just trusted me. Sure. Like, he just was like, you got this. He cut the cord. I know.
Speaker 2
You got this. I'm gonna go make our family some money.
Speaker 3
It it was like and it was fine. I was fine with that, which is funny because I think, I don't know, in retrospect, I'm like, it's silly, but it's just part of our story and I love it.
Speaker 2
I mean, whatever works.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. I wanted my my sisters to be there. You know? Like, I was waiting for my one friend to come over to do that with her, specifically with her, and she's also a a nurse. We went to nursing school together. She had three c sections, and so, yeah, just I knew I wanted to share that moment with her, and it was really special. And Andy got to cut the cord in the hospital, and he he didn't love it. So it was really cool. And yeah. And, I mean, then it was just that was it. You know? Pretty straightforward.
Speaker 2
So now in this past year, how how like, can you speak to how this has changed you and shaped you and and who are you now? How has free birth being on the other side of it elevated who you are?
Speaker 3
You know, I think I a couple years leading up to this free birth, I thought I was a person who, like, was intuitive and, you know, and, like, you know, kind of getting into this, like, spiritual realm and and things. And then it was this experience that really, like, embodied that, like, trust and, like, I will know when something's up. I thought I I thought I could, but I didn't you don't actually know until you experience it. And now being a mother to my one year old has felt, like, one hundred percent different. No anxiety. I mean, just to be able when a rash comes up, for example, you know, with my story, with my son with the eczema, it was like, oh, like, I felt like I was spiraling into functional medicine for answers. Whereas when I see the rationale, I'm like, great. You know? Like, of course. You're doing it. Good job. Your body is processing, and that's okay. And it's just it's just a such a different consciousness even, I think, of trust in the body. And, yeah, like, I I'm so committed now to, my power and not betraying myself. And, you know, again, like, choosing to do things because of where I am at and what I feel like. Like, not because what other people how they're feeling about it. So
Speaker 2
And how has it impacted your marriage?
Speaker 3
I would say it has healed a big piece of definitely the codependency part, but I've really just, like, backed off of him a lot, you know, and given him the space to show up for me in the way that he can, you know, and to show up, you know, as, yeah, like a caregiver of our family in in that way. You know? Like, I really was stealing the stage and so I now can give him the space to show up and do that and it's it's really transformed our relationship
Speaker 2
same. It's such a big deal, and it's also so simple. And it's like, you know, any any this is ours to have, I guess, is what's really coming through. This is really just ours to have, and you're a beautiful example of that.
Speaker 3
Thank you. Thank you for letting me air out this story and and share it.
Speaker 2
I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below, and of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets, so let's spread the good word of Sovereign Birth. Don't forget, you can watch our podcast Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We Make sure you're subscribed to our channel. We've always got a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out all about it at free birth society dot com, at free birth society on Instagram, and opt in to my newsletter below. We offer courses on free birth, authentic midwifery, the blood mysteries, as well as one on one coaching, in person retreats, and of course our annual women's gathering, the Matriarch Rising Festival. Our exclusive private, vetted membership, ship, The Lighthouse, is definitely something to check out if you're looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life. Together, we rise sisters. We must speak our stories, fully claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution, and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. I'll leave you with our gorgeous Free Birth Society theme song, Wild Woman by Aruba Red.
Speaker 4
I honor you for the wisdom you held, the ancient traditions of plant medicine and womb magic. I feel the spirit of the ancestors as I place my hands upon my belly. This sacred portal will be honored. Eons upon light beams of survival, withstanding the eradication of our power by design. I will not allow the separation of our young to be forced upon me. My sisters will no longer birth in captivity. The picket line redefined from burning our wild women to paralyzing us and drugging our babes. Strapped down in a clinical white bed drying up the milk from our breasts, keep your needles. My family will never again be doomed to chase those dragons all poison. We reject your fear. We choose love. Everything with intention. Death, ascension. I will fly and bring her back from the star.
