00;00;04;05 - 00;00;28;01
Unknown
Welcome to Free Birth Society. I'm Emilee Saldaya, and this is where we break the spell of medicalized birth. Remember what's been forgotten and rise together into our birthright to live, birth and mother as sovereign women. Welcome, ash. Thank you. Yeah. I'm excited to have you here and hear your full story. I just know little, little bits and pieces.
00;00;28;01 - 00;00;51;11
Unknown
And I guess the most exciting thing I know is that you just recently had a baby while in MMI. Quite on the earlier, unexpected side. Yes. It's a it's a really fun story. He was you were what, 36 or something. Yeah. About 36.5. You know as much as anybody can count. Half and what gestation if you know did your first two come at.
00;00;51;11 - 00;01;25;23
Unknown
So my first child, my daughter was right at 40. But she was also an augmented labor. So hard to tell. Yeah. And my second was just shy of 40 like a couple days shy of 40 weeks. So like a month earlier than you were probably expecting. Very much so. Family moly. I mean, it just goes to show anyone listening if you're pregnant, like, I mean, I always say this to moms when I'm coaching them, but you basically just like need to be ready by 35 weeks and then you need to be ready to stay pregnant for two more months.
00;01;25;24 - 00;01;47;03
Unknown
I mean, it's a pretty big is that right? Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Like even up to two and a half months. It's a tall order. It is. I know someone who is also expecting. You know, we were hitting 40 weeks at about the same time. And our babies, I think, are five weeks apart. Mine came a little on the early side, and she stayed pregnant past 40 weeks.
00;01;47;03 - 00;02;07;18
Unknown
And so our babies are more than a month. The difference. And we were expecting them to, you know, the same week. Yeah. It's a lot to hold because it is the most sane to hold both. But that also can kind of make people a little insane. Yes. All right. So let's just start at the beginning. Your first one was an induction.
00;02;07;19 - 00;02;30;21
Unknown
You know, how long ago was that? Who are you in that pregnancy? How does that birth go? And what do you want to share about that birth to help kind of paint the picture of of how then your second goes, yeah, I was such a different person. And I have so much love for the woman that I was then looking back on her now, man, she really did her best.
00;02;30;21 - 00;03;06;15
Unknown
So that was my daughter is she just turned eight in March of this year. So that was, you know, about eight years ago, nine years ago when I was pregnant. And at the time I was very, I don't know, tangentially attached to the Western approach to medicine. And I dutifully went and got an obstetrician as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I had a very early ultrasound to make sure that everything was in place because I was about to move, and that was the nice, responsible thing to do.
00;03;06;16 - 00;03;29;24
Unknown
And as I went through that pregnancy, I had, you know, an obstetrician group overseeing me. They said, hey, you need to go get ultrasounds every month just in case. And so I went and I did those things. And, you know, that was a lot as a working woman to have to take off work all the time for all these doctor's appointments over and over again.
00;03;29;24 - 00;03;50;07
Unknown
And as I went through, there were just kind of these little feelings of like, man, this is kind of a lot. And like, I don't know about this, but I guess that's cool. I get to see my baby. But as I went through that pregnancy, I felt more and more dismissed and glossed over. But I was doing the thing that you were supposed to do.
00;03;50;07 - 00;04;10;12
Unknown
I didn't know anybody who was home birthing. I didn't know anybody who was birthing in a hospital with a midwife. Even everyone had their obstetrician, they had their doctor, and they did the whole thing. And as I was going through my pregnancy, it started to feel a little off. But I didn't know why because I was doing the thing you were supposed to do.
00;04;10;13 - 00;04;35;29
Unknown
I was doing the things that, you know, my friends had done. Although I didn't have a lot of friends at the time who had had babies yet, and I am actually the oldest of seven, and my mother had inductions for all of us. And so even in my own lineage, that's the story that I knew. And I couldn't shake this feeling that something wasn't quite lining up, but I didn't really know what to do about it.
00;04;35;29 - 00;04;57;26
Unknown
And so I just kept doing the status quo. I just kept doing the thing. And eventually I realized I didn't want a medicalized birth, and I didn't know how to not have that. And so I told my obstetricians sometime in the 30s, 30s of weeks, I didn't want an epidural. I didn't want a medicalized birth, I wanted a natural birth.
00;04;57;26 - 00;05;15;25
Unknown
And, you know, I would be putting together a birth plan and I could kind of see their eyes glaze over. As I said that I was in a practice that had, I don't know, 3 or 4 doctors and you kind of rotated through who you met. And so I didn't even know who would be at my birth. Not that anyone ever knows.
00;05;15;26 - 00;05;34;27
Unknown
Right. In the hospital system who will be at their birth. But I didn't know which one of them would be at my birth. But the first one I talked to, she kind of got this glazed look in her I like. Oh, good. Another birth plan to take down off the door, I guess. And the next time I brought it up with a little more details, I got kind of the same reaction.
00;05;35;03 - 00;05;53;22
Unknown
And the third time I brought it up with a lot more details. Things like I am not planning to have an epidural. I would like a hep lock in my arm, not on my wrist so that I can maintain mobility. I was met with the response, we'll talk about that. And I said, yeah, that's why I'm bringing it up.
00;05;53;22 - 00;06;12;24
Unknown
I want to talk about it. And she was like, no, no, we'll talk about it later. But I didn't want to talk about it later. I didn't want to have to negotiate that in the hospital. I wanted to talk about it now and have that agreement. Right. And she didn't want to have that conversation. She asked about scheduling an anesthesiologist, and I said, I don't want to schedule the anesthesiologist.
00;06;12;24 - 00;06;43;09
Unknown
I don't want medications in my birth. And she said, well, birth really hurts a lot. So we'll go ahead and get you on the schedule so that when you change your mind, he's available. And to be fair, you know, the average American statistic of any hospital is 99% use epidurals. Now, no one's talking about how you're coerced and you're bullied into it, and the entire system is set up to do that, and they'll torture you into it.
00;06;43;09 - 00;07;08;08
Unknown
And but it's interesting because from her lens and any like one that's in the hospital, you have no idea what you're talking about, you know, and it's like chicken or the egg. Because the truth is, almost every woman has an epidural. And so there are very common scenarios where the exactly like you're describing, you're like, no, no, no.
00;07;08;08 - 00;07;35;09
Unknown
And then there's scenarios, of course, where then the anesthesiologist isn't available. Right. It's interesting because it's like it's so fucked up its tail. Yeah, it's and dysfunctional and gross. And then there's also these like kernels of half truths in the gaslighting, you know. Anyway, you feel you I've seen it. And that was that was really the turning point in.
00;07;35;09 - 00;08;01;13
Unknown
Well, there were two turning points. That was a big one. I never went back to that office, by the way. After that visit, I felt so entirely dismissed and ignored, and I felt like I could see her planning out the instruments in the Or as I was talking. And I felt so deeply in my soul that if I stayed with this practice, this woman, the other, you know, doctors that were there, I was going to have a C-section.
00;08;01;13 - 00;08;20;27
Unknown
I could tell they had already like, oh, this lady's coming in with her birth plan. She's asking us to put her IV in a specific spot. She's telling us she doesn't want the anesthesiologist and you can see it on their face, you know? And so I never went back. And my husband happened to be at the appointment with me, and we walked out and he was like, she was so rude to you.
00;08;20;27 - 00;08;37;08
Unknown
And both of us were kind of left with this shell shock, like, I can't have a baby with these people. There's no way I don't trust them an ounce. There's no way I can have my baby with this woman or any of the other, you know, doctors that were at that practice. But we didn't really know what to do.
00;08;37;11 - 00;09;04;12
Unknown
And so kind of the other pivotal moment in that pregnancy where I realized, like, this is not this is not how I want this to go, was my natural childbirth education class. So I had googled natural childbirth education class in I was in Northern Virginia at the time. And so I googled, you know, Northern Virginia natural childbirth. And I found a doula who had been practicing for many, many years, and she taught a natural childbirth education class.
00;09;04;12 - 00;09;28;29
Unknown
And I went to that class. And in retrospect, now I see that the whole class was basically preparing yourself to disassociate and preparing yourself to accept that you're not going to get what you want. And at one point in that class, we did a card sorting exercise, and on the cards we were instructed to write certain things that we really cared about.
00;09;29;00 - 00;09;46;05
Unknown
And there were prompts like, what do you want for I don't know, like the lighting. Do you want music? Do you want an epidural? Do you specifically not want an epidural? Do you? How do you feel about, you know, a few different things. And we went through this exercise where we kind of shuffled them and paired them up.
00;09;46;05 - 00;10;03;01
Unknown
And then we picked like, which one do you want and which one do you want more out of this pair. And then whichever one you want more you keep and whichever one you want, you know, you're willing to sacrifice. You're willing to let go. You set to the side. Right? Okay. At the time I was like, oh, look how useful this is.
00;10;03;02 - 00;10;26;24
Unknown
You know, getting me all prepared for for what I really want. And now, in retrospect, I'm like, how terrible to prepare someone to have to give up everything they hold dear. And so as I like teaching to our daughters, that's how you should select a husband. You know, it's just like teaching you to settle and compromise and betray yourself.
00;10;26;29 - 00;10;42;26
Unknown
Yeah, that's exactly what it was. And but out of that, I realized that I was making a lot of decisions that absolutely did not align with what I wanted. And so I was saying like, oh, I want to provider who knows me and has a connection to me. So I don't feel like I'm giving birth with a stranger.
00;10;42;26 - 00;10;59;23
Unknown
And that wasn't what I was doing. I was in an obstetrician practice with like four different doctors and a bunch of PA, so that didn't match up at all. And there were a few other things in that list that I realized, wow, the choices I'm making are not not getting me to these these things that I'm saying that I want.
00;10;59;25 - 00;11;22;01
Unknown
And so after I walked out of the obstetricians office, I called that doula and I said, I have just left my obstetricians office. I don't want to go back to them. I am 36 weeks pregnant and I need another provider. Do you have any recommendations? And she recommended a midwife to me. She said, this is the most natural minded midwife that I know.
00;11;22;04 - 00;11;44;18
Unknown
This lovely woman only delivered babies in the hospital. She did not do home birth. She practiced under an obstetrician, but in my mind, yeah, supernatural. But in my mind, in that moment I was like, oh, of course a natural minded midwife and I still get to go to the hospital where everything is nice and safe and and so I called her up and this midwife said, you're 36 weeks.
00;11;44;19 - 00;12;04;05
Unknown
Like, why are you. Why are you switching? And I told her, because I'm not comfortable with the providers that I had before. And she said, okay, come on in. And so she did have me come into her practice, which I'm told is not very common to be able to switch for, you know, just personal preference that late in pregnancy.
00;12;04;05 - 00;12;30;27
Unknown
But, you know, she said, okay, come on in. And she's a lovely woman, of course. But on 40 weeks. Exactly. I came in for an appointment and I got the hey, you know, your feet have been swollen for a while. Your blood pressure is a little high. You know, you're probably trending towards pre-eclampsia. If you really want to have an unmedicated birth, you should think about doing an induction.
00;12;30;29 - 00;12;57;20
Unknown
Right. Okay. You should think about doing an induction. Because if your preeclampsia progresses, then you may be in an emergency situation, which we know is definitely not what you want. Wow. That is some serious psychological warfare. Yes. And I was unprepared to deal with it. Right? Totally. It's my first baby. I'm trying to figure this whole thing out, and that scared me.
00;12;57;26 - 00;13;30;10
Unknown
I. I think that's infusing thing to hear that. You okay, so I hear you want a natural birth. So to preserve the chances of a natural birth, you should have an induction because you're trending towards something that could require an emergency C-section. So we should artificially start the so-called natural birth so that we can avoid the possibility of an emergency later.
00;13;30;12 - 00;13;58;18
Unknown
Yes, it's some twisted as shit. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, well, it's not unique, ash. You know, this is this is a really this is a really easy way to get a yes, because it seems logical if you don't know anything. Yes. Yes, exactly. Regard I mean, yeah. And I had already tested positive for Group B strep and so I already knew.
00;13;58;20 - 00;14;17;03
Unknown
Right. There's going to be some IV lines because I didn't know anything about that either. So it really was in that moment. Okay I'm going to take what I can get. Yeah. Right. Just like that card sorting exercise, I'm going to take what I can get. I'm not going to do the epidural because I was very, very committed to that.
00;14;17;03 - 00;14;35;18
Unknown
I did not want that drug cocktail in me or my baby. And so I agreed. And then they strapped whatever contraption on me and they were like, oh, you're having regular contractions. So you look like you're probably in labor anyway, so we'll send you over to the hospital, just kind of kick start things a little bit and you'll have your baby tonight.
00;14;35;18 - 00;15;03;10
Unknown
And so I went to the hospital and the supervising obstetrician said, oh, you look like you're in labor. We're not going to start the induction. We're going to let you, you know, hang out and probably progress on your own. And, you know, we'll see you later. So I hung out at the hospital all day from about, I don't know, 1 or 2 p.m. until about 6 or 7, when my midwife got off her shift at her office and came over and she walked in and, oh, it was around.
00;15;03;10 - 00;15;20;08
Unknown
It was around six because she walked in and she was like, where's your Pettersen? And I was like, oh, they said I was in labor. So they didn't do it. And she was like, what do you mean they didn't do it right? Because now she's realizing she's going to be up night. Like, I am not close to having a baby.
00;15;20;11 - 00;15;48;07
Unknown
And she does not. It's not just that. It's also hospital politics. Yeah. You know, like vetoed her. Yeah. There's a lot like behind the scenes of that, I'm guessing, you know, even like how you said that she was quick to accept you into her practice at the end, which isn't common. A lot of that often comes down to the relationships between all of these providers and practices.
00;15;48;12 - 00;16;19;25
Unknown
Anyway. Yeah, that's interesting because it's not really the hospitals. It's not really the attending OBS decision. If you came with orders. I think, I mean, I could be wrong. It's not my job. But yeah, that's either way. That's what happened. Right. So short story right. My induction gets started 7 p.m.. My baby is born around 3 a.m., and the process of going through an induction without an epidural was, was really intense.
00;16;20;03 - 00;16;41;02
Unknown
And I walked away from that experience feeling extremely traumatized, even though, you know, all things considered, it was a very vanilla hospital birth, like nobody was sticking their hands in me. I was declining cervical checks and that was being respected. I did get my IV in my arm, although it took them like six times to get it in, which was awful, but all things considered.
00;16;41;03 - 00;17;01;24
Unknown
You know, it was very vanilla for a hospital birth. I had my lightweight induction. They took the pitocin off when things really ramped up, but my body felt like I had been hit by a truck like every muscle was saw. It felt like I was completely out of control of what was happening, and I felt absolutely awful and just everything hurt.
00;17;01;24 - 00;17;26;11
Unknown
And I walked away from that experience saying, I'm done. I'm done with this. I'm never having another baby. That was the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life. And I never want to do this again. And I can't even imagine, right? Women who have a lot more invasive experiences, right? How that feels. Because for the most part, the things that I wanted were respected.
00;17;26;11 - 00;17;53;03
Unknown
But what I got was still, to me, very traumatic and very, very hard to handle into process. And so I walked away from that. You still didn't get what you wanted at all. You still had a medical ized birth with strangers. I did, I did. And now, looking back on that, I have so much compassion for making the best choices I knew how to make at the time.
00;17;53;04 - 00;18;12;15
Unknown
Totally. And I realized that, you know, I asked my midwife at one point in the few weeks that we had together, it was like, what happens if, like, the baby comes when I'm at home? Like, what happens if she just comes like really, really fast? And she said, if the baby comes that fast, everything's fine. And I was like, oh, okay.
00;18;12;18 - 00;18;33;25
Unknown
And up until that moment, I it had never occurred to me that you could just, like, have your baby. And that question was a question out of fear, right? Like, what do I do if the baby comes? And she was like, oh, then, then everything's fine. Then your baby came. And that was kind of a flashbulb moment that got filed away for later.
00;18;33;25 - 00;18;57;25
Unknown
I didn't know what to do with that response at the time because it had never crossed my mind. You just stay home and have your baby so well. You're allowed to have an accidental right birth at home. Understand that? Yeah. So you plan for it, though? Yeah. You a sensible lady, right? Right. So the accident, the baby comes out fast.
00;18;57;25 - 00;19;20;01
Unknown
You're fine. Yeah. So moving forward from that, I. I really was happy with one child. I was happy with my daughter. We got to do a lot of fun stuff, you know, having a single child for a lot of years. And when my daughter was about five, I was still very content because I was very much so in this space of, I don't want to ever do that again.
00;19;20;02 - 00;19;39;09
Unknown
I have one kid. She's great. I mean, she was a really hard newborn, but, you know, I have one kid. She's great. She's fun. I like my lifestyle with just her, and I don't I don't want to do that again. And around that time around, and my daughter was about five years old, my husband started saying like, hey, I really want to have another baby, which is also a little unusual.
00;19;39;09 - 00;19;54;13
Unknown
I don't I feel like I don't hear a lot of women say like, yeah, my husband really wanted to have it on their baby, but he did. And I was like, I don't, I don't want to do it again. And he was like, okay, just so you know, I really want another baby. And we sat with that for a while.
00;19;54;15 - 00;20;15;27
Unknown
And one day I was scrolling Instagram, right as we do doom scrolling, and I saw a video from Yolanda, or it was a video or a post I can't remember, but it said something along the lines of motherhood is meant to be fulfilling, right? Like you're supposed to be fulfilled and recharged in motherhood. You're supposed to find motherhood to be rejuvenating.
00;20;15;27 - 00;20;39;13
Unknown
It's not meant to be this, you know. What is it, mommy? Wine culture drain? And for whatever reason, in that moment when I saw that and saw those words, it completely changed my life. Which sounds so crazy to say. But in that moment, it was like everything clicked into place and I have no idea why. But it did.
00;20;39;14 - 00;21;02;24
Unknown
And all of a sudden I realized, oh my gosh, I'm supposed to feel so rejuvenated and fulfilled and restored in being a mom, and all I have to do is kind of change my perspective about it. And I did, and all of a sudden I did feel fulfilled and happy and joyful. And I felt like my daughter, you know, enhanced my life and wasn't just kind of a drain on my energy.
00;21;02;24 - 00;21;24;27
Unknown
And that shift in my perspective and approach and the way that I viewed her all of a sudden opened up the possibility of another baby. And along with that, I found Free Verse Society, right. Watching Yolanda's stuff, that connection was made. And when I started hearing about Freedom Earth, I realized, oh my gosh, I don't have to do that again.
00;21;24;27 - 00;21;47;04
Unknown
Everything I said I am never doing again, I don't have to do again. Right? Like being able to separate birth from the shitty experience you had is so mind blowing. Yeah, because I kept saying, like, I'm never doing that again and I haven't. I have not done that again. I've had two babies and I didn't. I did not do that again.
00;21;47;07 - 00;22;15;21
Unknown
I love that, you know, it was and it was so freeing. And I realized like, oh, I, I don't have to ever go to the doctors that I don't trust. I don't have to go to the doctors who I am declining everything they're offering. If I'm declining everything I'm offering, why am I going? Yeah. Hello. Right. It seems so obvious now, in retrospect, but it just took someone to, like, open my eyes to see that if you don't want anything they have to offer, then don't go.
00;22;15;23 - 00;22;46;11
Unknown
Well, I think most women think they don't want the routine stuff, but they still want them to step in and save them. Sure, I think that's probably the unspoken agenda there. Yeah, I would say that's that's probably correct. So why else would you go? Right. I mean, that's kind of how I ended up. Like, why would I believe on some level that you're safer, that you have a better chance of surviving or something?
00;22;46;18 - 00;23;09;13
Unknown
Yeah. So when I realized, oh, this is an opt in thing, not an opt out thing, like, you just don't go. And when I realized motherhood should feel good, and it did right when I just made that shift in my consciousness and the way that I spoke about motherhood and the way that I spoke about my child, then I was ready to have another baby.
00;23;09;15 - 00;23;28;26
Unknown
And my husband was absolutely delighted because over, you know, this kind of work over, I don't know, a year or so. And, you know, my husband was thrilled. He's like, yay! This is what I've wanted. And so so we did. So we had another baby. And for our my second pregnancy. I told him I'm not going to the doctor.
00;23;28;29 - 00;23;46;04
Unknown
And he was at that point fully supportive because he had had some experiences with the medical system along the way that made him say, I never want to go there again. And because he had been present for a lot of my prenatal appointments with our daughter, he was like, yeah, I don't want anyone to ever treat you like that again.
00;23;46;05 - 00;24;07;06
Unknown
And so he was extremely supportive. And I told him, and I want to have the baby at home, just us. And that that scared him a little bit. And he was like, what? And he was like, you don't want to have a doula. You had a doula last time, you don't want to have a doula. And you know, I told him I was like, I had to do the last time because I felt like I needed to hire a bodyguard.
00;24;07;10 - 00;24;34;16
Unknown
I felt like I needed somebody to run interference with the nurses and help protect me from the people that I had hired to help me have my baby. Yeah, the mental gymnastics is incredible. Very bizarre, isn't it? It is. And so I was like, I don't need that. Are you one of the many women out there who's obsessed with this podcast, binging every episode, feeling the stirrings of something more, but not sure how to bring the good word of free birth into your community.
00;24;34;22 - 00;24;56;24
Unknown
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00;24;56;24 - 00;25;25;06
Unknown
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Unknown
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00;25;52;24 - 00;26;18;04
Unknown
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00;26;18;05 - 00;26;42;07
Unknown
And he was. His response was, well, can I hire a doula to help me? It's like, no, you cannot have a doula for you. I'm sorry. And, you know, I let him know. I was like, if you're scared and if you're going to bring like a serious spirit of fear, you can wait outside, like, that's okay. You know, I give you permission to not be there if it's too much.
00;26;42;09 - 00;27;12;13
Unknown
It's also like, it's fine to be scared and still be supportive. And I feel like so many couples forget that option, you know, like the man doesn't. Not that you're implying this, but the man doesn't need to be, like, all in fearless. Let's go. He just needs to not be a controlling dick, you know what I mean? Like, he can just be like, all right, you do your thing, girl.
00;27;12;14 - 00;27;33;07
Unknown
Like, this super freaks me out. And obviously, you would need some real maturity in the marriage, which, you know, lots of couples don't have because lots of women take responsibility for their men's feelings. Right? Make it about, you know, all the stuff that we already know, but like the being afraid and still supportive is a very fine option.
00;27;33;08 - 00;27;58;28
Unknown
I get what you're saying. If it's going to be toxic, if it's if your fear is going to be like, dealt with and disruptive, well, that's not good. But also most men I have coached and that I know, especially for their first witnessing of free birth, they're totally nervous and it's fine. And then once they see, oh got it.
00;27;58;28 - 00;28;17;02
Unknown
I just like, bring her water. Got it. It's fine. That's fine. And, and and I would say that we were in in that dynamic. He was supportive. And the other thing that I have a lot of compassion for is, you know, I had been kind of doing this mental work right for months to get to the point where I felt like I am ready to have another baby.
00;28;17;02 - 00;28;36;14
Unknown
I know how I'm going to approach my pregnancy and my birth. And this was kind of the first time that I had really brought up that with him. And I think if right out the gate, someone had said, okay, you're going to not ever see a doctor and you're going to have your baby at home with, you know, just your husband.
00;28;36;16 - 00;28;55;23
Unknown
I think I probably would have been like, wait, what if that at the very first time that a second pregnancy was mentioned, that's how it was framed. That would have felt like a lot to me, too. Sure. So it isn't it isn't a one for one, though, because the baby comes out of you, right? You know, it's not it's not an equal scenario.
00;28;55;26 - 00;29;20;13
Unknown
You have to wrap your head around it, in your heart, around it in a different way because you actually experience it. You actually choose it. And I think that that's probably why it took me months, you know, almost a year to really decide. Yes, yes, I feel so aligned and I am ready for this. And it took him a few months of me saying like, this is what we're going to do for months.
00;29;20;13 - 00;29;40;12
Unknown
I don't know, maybe weeks for him to be, you know what? Totally whatever you want. I'll follow. I'll be there. I'll support. And he did get to that point where he said, I'll move past this like toxic fear. And I'm nervous, but this sounds like the right way to go. So my pregnancy was great. It was easy. It was much easier than my first.
00;29;40;12 - 00;30;02;16
Unknown
I was 26, 25, 26. My first pregnancy. I was what, closer to 30 for my second and it was so easy. The pregnancy was so easy. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't nervous, I didn't get, you know, the white coat syndrome, where you walk in an office and your blood pressure shoots up and your heart rate skyrockets. There's none of that.
00;30;02;17 - 00;30;37;27
Unknown
We traveled internationally. We spent, you know, I don't know, six weeks outside of the US during my pregnancy. And there was no fear of like, missed or late scans or anything. It was just so easy. And it felt so freeing to just live life and be pregnant. It was great. It was wonderful. And so we get to the end of pregnancy and I had the third trimester, apparently, because this has been the same for all three of my pregnancies, and I look huge.
00;30;37;27 - 00;30;57;15
Unknown
I just look huge in my third trimester. And everyone started saying like, oh, your baby's gonna come early, your baby's gonna come early. And I thought, well, I feel huge. This baby feels huge. Like he probably is going to come early. And so I got only it work this way. I know, if only. So I got everything ready right by, like 34 weeks.
00;30;57;15 - 00;31;16;03
Unknown
Everything was set up because I started having regular sensations as well. I had all these tightening and around 32, 34 weeks, it was every night sitting down at dinner, I was like, oh, and I could be the night. Like I'm having all these sensations. My body feels so tight. I feel kind of like spaced out a little bit like, this could be it.
00;31;16;04 - 00;31;39;17
Unknown
And I had my birth basket prepped. I had all the stuff ready, and I just kept being pregnant. I just kept having contractions every night, and it got to 36 weeks. And I was like, he's going to come. And then we got to 37 weeks. And I was like, why am I so pregnant? And then we had 38 weeks and I was absolutely out of my head like, what is going on?
00;31;39;17 - 00;32;00;11
Unknown
Why is this baby still inside? I am now extremely psyched out because here I've been having these contractions every night, you know? So you just you just made something up, right? Right. I just made something up, and a few random people said, like, I'm just going to come early. Come on. Women do that all the time. So funny.
00;32;00;12 - 00;32;20;21
Unknown
You just make it up and then it mentally exhausts you and stresses you out. And then by the time you get to the most likely time that gestational a baby comes, you think you're like so late and so over it. It's like you did it yourself. And it's so funny because I look back and it's like at 38 weeks, I was cranky to still be pregnant.
00;32;20;23 - 00;32;45;06
Unknown
But in the world, you know. Well, you thought you were gonna birth it as early as 32, but but the second time, mom thing that is common where women have more typed names in the third try, and so they make up that. That means the baby will come early, which is not true or real. And it added so much anxiety for no reason.
00;32;45;06 - 00;33;03;12
Unknown
It was so silly. And so then I got to week 39, and at this point I'm just resigned myself that I'm going to be pregnant forever. Like I'm never going to have the baby. It's 3039. Yeah. Oh so dramatic. I was so cranky I didn't leave the house. I was just like balled up on the couch. Like I was a very cranky little hermit.
00;33;03;13 - 00;33;22;16
Unknown
Oh my God. All because I made up that, like, I'm huge. A couple people told me that it looks like the baby's gonna come early. And I was like, oh, they're right. The baby is. And the baby didn't. Most babies do not like for listening. Like you listening me. You need to know that most babies come after 40.
00;33;22;17 - 00;33;45;12
Unknown
After 41. Yeah, because so many women do this. And they really I mean, they really kind of ruin the end of their pregnancy. Yes. Yeah, I, I wouldn't say that I ruined it, but I certainly didn't have as much fun as I could have. Right. Well, if you're on the couch not leaving, you know, it's like, so self-inflicted.
00;33;45;19 - 00;34;13;13
Unknown
Oh, yeah. So I'm so pregnant. My son was born in November, and so Thanksgiving comes and goes and I'm so cranky. And right after Thanksgiving, my husband decides he's going to fix our back door. And he cracked the glass on our back door. And so the glass, we have a very large glass window on our back door. And so we had to go order a new one because it is November and the glass is shattering and slowly starting to fall out.
00;34;13;13 - 00;34;34;09
Unknown
So I don't know. Of course I'm furious, right? Because I've been on the couch for weeks now thinking I'm going to have a baby, and now I have to go out to Home Depot and pick a new door. So I'm out all day walking around shopping for doors at two different stores, you know, placing his door order. And I am just absolutely beside myself because I'm so pregnant now.
00;34;34;09 - 00;34;54;14
Unknown
This door is broken and like, woe is me, right? Absolute end of the world. So pregnant with a door. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And it's of course, it's like that thing that didn't need to be done. Like the door didn't need to be tweaked or like it was fine. And then you also didn't need to go like he could have FaceTimed you.
00;34;54;17 - 00;35;22;25
Unknown
Right. Okay. That's where we're at, right? That's where I am. Just an absolute mess. Okay. Yeah. So we get home and I'm like, if my water had broken in Home Depot, like you never would have heard the end of it. Like I am just absolutely cranky. Mess. Well, that night my water did break a few hours after we got home from Home Depot, and it was probably the fact that I finally got up and was moving around and like, was it just like whining on my couch?
00;35;22;26 - 00;35;44;28
Unknown
So my water broke that night and it woke me up about like 930 and I wasn't having any contractions. And finally a semblance of sense came into my head and I realized, okay, it's about nine, 930 at night. I'm not having contractions. My water is broke. I need to go back to sleep because I don't know when this baby is going to come.
00;35;44;28 - 00;36;04;09
Unknown
And so finally, there was a glimmer of hope that the baby is going to come. And I went back to sleep. Right? Well, I got up and I showered because I didn't know what to do because my water didn't break until I was pushing in the hospital. And so now I'm in my own bed in a pile of puddle of fluids, and I didn't know what to do.
00;36;04;09 - 00;36;21;05
Unknown
So I went and showered. And then I went, well, went back to bed, and around 1030 I couldn't really lay down anymore. I felt like I had to be up and moving. And so I got up and I started pacing for a while, and my husband came in and he was just kind of sitting on the bed watching me, and I think I growled at him.
00;36;21;05 - 00;36;38;28
Unknown
I was like, what are you doing? He was like, just watching and praying, you know? He looked shell shocked, like, like, why are you sound so angry? And I'm like, stop looking at me. You know, I was I was in it and I didn't realize I was in it and retrospect, now I can see that like, oh, this like really deep, like eyes off.
00;36;39;00 - 00;36;54;03
Unknown
Don't look at me, don't watch me. I just want to be alone and pace in the dark. You know, I realize now, oh, I was closer to having that baby than I thought I was because I thought I was going to go back to bed. So my husband, you know, accepted his orders and went to sleep as I requested.
00;36;54;03 - 00;37;12;09
Unknown
And I paced till about midnight. And then I started kind of rolling on the floor for the lack of a better term. I was trying to get comfortable. I felt like I was having like menstrual cramps, you know, like when you're in high school and you have those really painful period cramps, you just got to roll around on your bed trying to get comfortable.
00;37;12;09 - 00;37;29;17
Unknown
It was very similar to that, but I didn't want to be in the bed. I wanted to be on the floor. I wanted like something more solid. And I rolled over to my my hands and knees. And as soon as I hit my hands and knees, my body pushed and I was like, oh my goodness. Where did that come from?
00;37;29;17 - 00;37;52;28
Unknown
Because, you know, everything had felt relatively comfortable is relatively easy. Like, it just it felt it felt fine, you know, love that for you. It was so good. And so I hit my hands. So I have a theory that when women first have pitocin in their first births, a normal natural birth is like such a delightful surprise because it cannot be more painful than that.
00;37;52;28 - 00;38;14;25
Unknown
And so your perspective is already like tilted towards it was you'd. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. In like for this birth. In a good way. Yeah. Yeah. And so it just kind of felt like period. Like I had awful, awful menstrual cramps growing up. And this was not that bad. Nice. So so yeah. So I hit hands and knees and I felt my body push and I was like, whoa.
00;38;15;00 - 00;38;30;22
Unknown
And then, you know, I kind of gave it a second and I was like, surely not. And then I felt my body push again. And then I felt like a lot of pressure. And so I yell. I was like, get up, wake up, get over here, you know? And so my husband pops up out of bed and drops down.
00;38;30;22 - 00;38;52;12
Unknown
And I was like, I think the baby's coming, like, right now. And the baby was coming right now. He was born about 15 minutes later. It was not very long. Oh my God. Yeah. It felt like a lot of pressure, lots of pressure. And I got this nice ring of fire. And I remember when my daughter was born, you know, the pressure of her head, it was like, oh, this, this doesn't feel great.
00;38;52;12 - 00;39;07;11
Unknown
This doesn't feel great. And then her head was born and I was like, are just such a sense of relief. It just it felt so good to have her head out. And then her body just felt like a squishy little jellyfish. I don't even know. And so my son's head came out and it still, it didn't feel great.
00;39;07;11 - 00;39;25;08
Unknown
It still didn't feel great. I was like, that is weird. I did not like this. As soon as my next contraction came, I pushed. I pushed with it hard because it did. Something didn't feel great. So out he came. My husband caught our son and he handed him to me. And it was it was just amazing. It was just amazing, right?
00;39;25;09 - 00;39;51;23
Unknown
Like that feeling when you have birthed your baby without a bunch of strangers poking and prodding and looking, and when they handed my daughter to me, they then immediately started assessing, right looking in, assessing and seeing. And my daughter did come straight to my chest. She had a short cord, so it was kind of low chest, but there's poking and prodding and questioning and looking and chatting about.
00;39;51;25 - 00;40;14;00
Unknown
Yeah. And and then when my son was born, he just fell into his dad's hands and he was passed. You know, I kicked my leg over around the umbilical cord and sat down and had my baby on my chest. And that was it. Right? It's just it's so quiet. It's so calm. And it was such a peaceful moment.
00;40;14;05 - 00;40;30;26
Unknown
Of course, it was surprising too, because, wow, that was fast birth. My water broke without contractions that, you know, nine, nine, 30 and I have my baby before 1230 midnight. My daughter had really wanted to see the birth. She was. How old was she? About to turn seven at the time, and she really wanted to see the birth.
00;40;30;26 - 00;41;02;07
Unknown
But there was no time to go get her. No time. She was fast asleep and it was just all completely undescribed. It was such a different experience. It was such a beautiful experience. And we went and woke up my daughter and she came in and and to be able to see her baby brother while he's still attached right to his umbilical, with the placenta still inside, for her to be able to see that and to be right there with him in that moment was beautiful.
00;41;02;07 - 00;41;25;28
Unknown
And I can't imagine having been outside of the home without her there, without her being able to see those moments. No. And it feels so restorative. Someone like, takes her to the hospital and like, she goes into the hospital room and mom's in a gown and the baby's all wrapped up, and the mom has, like, wires and machines, like, it's so.
00;41;25;29 - 00;41;53;10
Unknown
And then the kid has to go home with someone because the mom's staying there. It's so anti-family. It is. And this is not a judgment of any of you listening that this has happened to you like it's a judgment of the system and the the inherent fracture that is embedded into birthing outside the home. It is anti-family. And no one talks about what happens when a family births together.
00;41;53;13 - 00;42;25;22
Unknown
You know, whether the children actually see the baby come out of the only or not, that does not matter. It's the whole it's the field of the birth. It's the field of immediate postpartum of what you're describing. It is different. It is so different. And it is so healthy. Yeah, it was absolutely beautiful. And it was restorative for my daughter to be able to see because her birth was in a hospital, she did have a medical birth herself, but now she's been able to witness the latter parts of of a really peaceful family birth at home.
00;42;25;22 - 00;42;46;08
Unknown
And she got to snuggle in bed with us that night. She got to cuddle up with me and her brother for a little bit before we tucked her back into her own bed, and it was so different. It was so different than what we had experienced before. And I think the next day my husband's like, when can we do that again?
00;42;46;08 - 00;43;07;29
Unknown
And I'm like, oh, hold your horses there. Not yet. But actually we did kind of walk away from that like, wow, yeah. When can we do this again? And the fact that I went from I am never doing this again, one and done says a lot, right? Yeah, it says a lot. And I will say I was one and done for the hospital experience.
00;43;08;04 - 00;43;32;03
Unknown
I was I did not go back. I was one and done. But when it came to actually being a mother and having children, that was different and I was not done. And that was a beautiful thing to realize that like, oh, I could do this again, I could do this again. And we did so. Also made your body feel after your son.
00;43;32;05 - 00;43;56;16
Unknown
Oh yeah. So different. So different. You know, my every every muscle in my body hurt after my daughter. Every muscle like muscles I didn't even know I had hurt. Moving hurt, everything hurt. And after my son was born, my yoni was sore. I had some extremely superficial tearing that was, you know, like the sting when you pee, right?
00;43;56;18 - 00;44;14;16
Unknown
Was gone after just a few days. So my my body felt good. And this time I will also add, you know, I didn't mention postpartum with my daughter, but postpartum with my daughter. You know, I was in and out of a pediatrician's office a couple times her first week. My breast milk didn't come in. She got dehydrated like it was a whole thing.
00;44;14;17 - 00;44;40;08
Unknown
Oh, no. We were in and out of ENT office. And so my first two weeks of postpartum, last time I was up, I was moving, I had stitches, and I was not resting because I felt like I had to help save my baby and I was I bled for wow, gosh, six, eight weeks, six weeks because I went back at six weeks and I still had retained stitches at six weeks after my daughter.
00;44;40;08 - 00;45;11;00
Unknown
And so with my son, I got in bed off the floor after I birthed him. And I stayed in bed except to, you know, go to the bathroom for three weeks. And it felt so good. My body felt good. I did not feel depleted. I didn't feel over exhausted. It felt good. You know, there's recovery and it's saw and you know, there's there's just some basic things that go along with having pushed a baby out of your yoni.
00;45;11;00 - 00;45;34;24
Unknown
But I felt good and that was night and day. Difference. Two it was. Yeah. So so we walked away from that like, yeah, we do want to do this again. And my second son is 16 months younger than my first son. So what's the math on that? How old is your baby when you get pregnant? You would have been well I don't know.
00;45;34;24 - 00;45;57;00
Unknown
What is that, six months? Is that seven months? No. Oh, snap. What is. What is what? Six plus nine. Yeah, but was it even nine? Seven. He came at 36. So I don't know eight, seven, eight months. He was little. He was little little. Yeah. But you said 16 months. 16 months. So he's probably eight months old then.
00;45;57;01 - 00;46;15;03
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Because I felt good. Like my body did not feel depleted at all. You know, I was kind of waiting for, like, am I going to feel overly exhausted? Am I going to feel too tired? Am I going to feel like I don't have the stores in my body to do another pregnancy, and I didn't? Did you intentionally got pregnant again that soon?
00;46;15;04 - 00;46;39;20
Unknown
Yes, yes. Holy moly. Okay. Yeah. It was, it was. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but we were not trying to not get pregnant. We were very open to usually leads to a pregnancy. Yeah. Yeah, we were very open to having another baby okay. And so yeah, we were not trying to avoid it at all. And we were delighted to find out that, you know, here I'm expecting another baby.
00;46;39;20 - 00;47;01;29
Unknown
And we had every desire in our hearts was to experience something similar. Right. Another wild pregnancy without anybody poking and prodding and asking and monitoring throughout the pregnancy. And that's what we did. And it was I mean, I wish I could sell more about the pregnancy, but it was just completely unremarkable. Right? It's just you just live life and you're pregnant.
00;47;02;00 - 00;47;18;08
Unknown
There's just not much to say. That's how easy it can be. You know, it's it blows my mind that it felt like such a big deal. Such a big deal with my first. There's so much to do and to go to and to check on and all this and with my with my third, it's like I have nothing to say.
00;47;18;08 - 00;47;44;20
Unknown
I was pregnant. That's about it. And half the time you forget you're pregnant. Yes. Especially with two kids. Right. And one of them. One of them is still a baby. Yeah, yeah. The pregnancy went so fast. Yeah, it's like I blinked and I was like, towards the end. Yeah. So we get to the end of this pregnancy and I remember what a mess I was at the end of my, you know, second child's pregnancy.
00;47;44;20 - 00;48;04;15
Unknown
And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to do that again. I am going to plan to be pregnant, to stay pregnant. I'll see this baby, you know, around 40 weeks. And I will say, I was still planning to see the baby around 40 weeks because, you know, my first two were around that time. So, you know, I was thinking, I'll be pregnant until about about 40 weeks.
00;48;04;18 - 00;48;28;08
Unknown
And when are you going to learn okay, with your fourth you need. Oh my goodness. Yeah. With my fourth, maybe I'll get this right. There's no planning. There is there's not there's not any planning. And so this time I thought I was going to be so clever and that's hilarious. Like, and I started having early contractions again and I was like, I'm not going to fall for it this time.
00;48;28;08 - 00;48;55;21
Unknown
I have seen this before just because I'm having contractions at 32 weeks, 34 weeks, 35 weeks doesn't mean the baby's coming and I am. It is so true and I'm just going to enjoy them, right? Just be excited that my body is preparing to have this baby, that it's practicing, that it's my body's going to be ready to have this baby and just enjoy it.
00;48;55;22 - 00;49;16;27
Unknown
Right. And I had this list of some things that I needed to do, like wash the newborn clothes, prep the newborn diapers, you know, clean the bedroom, things like that, to to get ready to have this baby, prep the prep the towels and the chucks, pads and all those things that I like to have available for the pertains to the sheets.
00;49;16;28 - 00;49;36;27
Unknown
Change the sheets out to the old sheets and the nice sheets. And and I kind of had this schedule right from about 36 weeks to about 39 weeks of how I was going to spread all this out. So I wasn't going to be bored and cranky and curled up on the couch, you know, like a miserable little angry muffin for the last bit of my pregnancy.
00;49;36;27 - 00;49;56;14
Unknown
And so I had all this planned out, and I had a baby sprinkle planned with some of the moms and my daughters homeschool co-op. They offered to do a baby sprinkle, and I was like, oh, that sounds great. So we had that planned. Wait, hold on, I've never heard this term. What is the difference of a baby shower and a baby sprinkle?
00;49;56;14 - 00;50;25;29
Unknown
I think a sprinkles just smaller, like a shower is, you know, lots showering with gifts, showering and we just got sprinkled. I don't actually really know the official difference, but we called it a sprinkle. So I get up the morning of my baby sprinkle right, which is right before 37 weeks. This is my 36th week of pregnancy, which I think is a wonderful time, because now this is the thing that's going to kick off us getting prepared to welcome a baby into our house.
00;50;26;01 - 00;50;51;27
Unknown
And I wake up that morning and as I'm getting ready for my baby, sprinkle about 9:00 in the morning, I start to feel this really low cramping. I was like, that's unusual because that is exactly what the first contractions I felt felt like for both of my previous birth. How odd. And you know, I just kept getting ready and my contractions are, generally speaking, very comfortable.
00;50;51;27 - 00;51;16;04
Unknown
They're very mild, you know, it feels like flexing, but not much more. And but I felt this, like low cramping and and I almost didn't say anything, almost didn't say anything. But as I was getting ready, I snapped a picture of my daughter holding my belly and I mentioned to my husband, who was taking our other two kids while I was at my sprinkle, I was like, I'm having this like low cramping feeling.
00;51;16;04 - 00;51;32;28
Unknown
I don't know if that means anything, but just so you know, you know, I'm feeling some stuff. And he was like, do we stay home? Do you cancel your spring? Like, what do we do? And I was like, I'm just gonna let my life and see what happens. And so I did grab an extra pair of underwear just in case.
00;51;32;29 - 00;51;53;28
Unknown
On my way out the door, stuffed into my purse. And off I went to my sprinkle. And throughout the morning I kept having these low contractions, and I told the ladies there I was like, I might have this baby today. And you know, they have experienced birth in the medical system and kind of the frantic and painful and overwhelming birth process.
00;51;53;28 - 00;52;12;12
Unknown
And, and they I don't think they believed me. I don't know if they believed me because I'm sitting there eating my, you know, breakfast wrap saying, like, I think the baby this afternoon. And I left the sprinkle and I was driving home and I was only about 15 minutes away from my house and I was driving. I was really bumpy road, which which did not feel great.
00;52;12;12 - 00;52;32;23
Unknown
That made me feel very close to having a baby. So I was driving on a bumpy, broken road, and I felt my baby's feet kind of swivel from one side of my belly to the other, and that rotation made me very nervous that this baby was about to come out on the side of the road. And so I just begged my baby.
00;52;32;23 - 00;52;50;03
Unknown
I was like, please just stay put. Just give me ten minutes. We just got to get home. Like we'll be home in ten minutes. Just stay where you are. Because, yeah, that that rotation down, it just I that was the moment when I thought like oh no, I really am going to have this baby this afternoon. And you don't want to get too excited, right?
00;52;50;04 - 00;53;11;14
Unknown
Because labor can take a long time. And you know, talking about expectations. Right. Like my other births had been fast. I didn't want to have this deep commitment to that, because what if this birth wasn't fast? And so, you know, I was kind of holding loosely the idea, but it was starting to feel very, very likely. So I got home and I'm like throwing my dress off.
00;53;11;14 - 00;53;27;28
Unknown
And I run to the bathroom and I'm sitting on the toilet like, what? What am I going to do? My husband has the two kids out, right? Nothing is ready. Nothing is ready. The nice sheets are on the bed. My daughter had thrown confetti all over our bedroom floor, so. Right. So there's paper. There's paper all over my heart.
00;53;27;28 - 00;53;48;06
Unknown
We have, like, hardwood floors, but there's paper all over the floor. And it's like, oh, that's not going to be good. So the nice linen sheets are on the bed. There's paper all over the floor. The chuks pads are in the top of her closet. They're put away because we were pulling everything out. All the old towels are in the back of a closet, like we are not ready.
00;53;48;07 - 00;54;08;13
Unknown
We're not ready. And this baby does not care. So they don't show you that. Like you literally mean nothing. Oh. You don't. That's what I walked away from the Spurs realizing, wow, you really have a baby. That's. And that's more or less exactly what happened. So I sat on the toilet for a while, like, what do I do?
00;54;08;15 - 00;54;24;06
Unknown
And I was kind of pacing the bathroom floor and my water broke and I was like, well, I guess I'll just stand in the shower because I don't want to clean what's everywhere. And so I stood. So I stood in my shower and I was just doing squats and lunges in the shower for about, I don't know, 30 minutes or so.
00;54;24;08 - 00;54;46;00
Unknown
And in that moment, sacrifice a few towels. Who cares? Yeah, yeah. And I realized in that moment, like, my baby really is about to come and I have to decide where this baby is going to drop. Right. And my previous births. The best way I can describe the moment of emergence is like, if you were doing like, a PR and weightlifting, right?
00;54;46;01 - 00;55;06;08
Unknown
It's just it's there's a lot of focus and your whole body is, is working towards towards this accomplishment. And then the baby comes out the moment of, you know, like dropping the weight. Right? And there's no way I could catch my baby. Like in my previous two births. I was like, the way that that I experienced the moment of emergence.
00;55;06;08 - 00;55;24;07
Unknown
I'm not catching this baby and I am going to expect that that's going to be the same. So at that moment I was like, I have to get to my bedroom. I personally do not want to drop my baby in the tub, and so I want to get to my bedroom. I had a standing mat that I was planning to use, but it was in the kitchen and filthy, of course.
00;55;24;07 - 00;55;41;20
Unknown
And so I was like, I have to go on my bed. I have to get to my bed. Yeah, that's the only option. And my linen sheets are there staring up at me. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. It is time, it's time, it's time. So. So I moved to my bed. I spoke to a little baby. Just busy little baby.
00;55;41;20 - 00;56;04;29
Unknown
He's like, I'm getting born on linen sheets. Wait, just I need a time check of, like, how far away is your family? They're close. They're close. Like, maybe ten minutes away. Okay, but I'm a little busy, right? So. Yeah. So I'm not texting. Wow. But you, like, sent him a come home? No, I did not, I did, I did not.
00;56;05;01 - 00;56;31;13
Unknown
Oh, okay. And I will tell you I love the idea of having my my kids there. But in that moment, I thought if this baby's coming, I actually want to be alone. Sure, I feel good alone. My body feels aligned with being alone. And I know that my kids are taken care of. And I know that my husband's attention is not divided and it's on my kids.
00;56;31;13 - 00;56;54;04
Unknown
And that felt really good. That felt so good. And so I did not tell them that baby was coming. You know, I wasn't I wasn't really sure, sure until I was like, sure. Yeah. And yeah. And at that point, like, I'm not I'm not on my phone. And I was like, well, I guess I'll find out. And so no, so I didn't ask him to come home.
00;56;54;04 - 00;57;23;29
Unknown
And that felt really good. That was an intentional choice. I mean, the choice was somewhat made for me, but you can you can always interrupt, right? Like I could have always grabbed my phone, called him whatever, but I didn't. I didn't want to. So I've been home now for maybe 30 minutes, and I get on my bed and and it starts to feel similar to how it felt when my son was getting close and the contractions feel the same.
00;57;24;00 - 00;57;45;22
Unknown
Kind of at that really transitional point between where my body is about to be pushing and the baby is about to come and I just start screaming, right? The contraction comes and it comes out both ends. That's why I know how to express it right. And when that first like, like like that raw right comes out, I was like, oh, he's it's time, he's coming.
00;57;45;22 - 00;58;17;17
Unknown
And sure enough, few contractions later he plopped and there was my baby. And I remember looking at he he popped out between my legs and he's, he's laying there and I'm just kind of shell shocked, like, oh, you're here, like you're here. And that was about all I could say to him was like, you're here and there's blood all over my linen sheets and there's, you know, fluids pooling in ways that we're supposed to be on the chuks pads.
00;58;17;17 - 00;58;38;10
Unknown
But he was ready and my body was ready. And so there we were. And I realized in that moment, like, wow. Like you really? You really don't need anything to have your baby. Like, your baby will come and your baby wants to come. And if the sheets that you didn't want to get soaked get soaked, then that's how it's going to be.
00;58;38;11 - 00;59;00;04
Unknown
And and your husband's out of the house. You know, like you don't need anyone. You don't need anything. And it was every bit as beautiful in that moment as, you know, the birth of my first boy when my husband was able to catch him. And man, I just can't even describe how it feels to birth your baby by yourself, right?
00;59;00;04 - 00;59;22;02
Unknown
Because every story that you need someone there is, is gone. Like, clearly that's not true because I just had my baby by myself and it felt wonderful. It was so it was so good. And I felt like I could focus on this new baby. And I didn't have to worry about my kids or my husband, or whether my husband was concerned about his attention.
00;59;22;02 - 00;59;43;20
Unknown
Split. Because we're women, right? We worry about all these things that are not ours to worry about. Like, is my husband stressed out because he's having to watch the kids and me like, that's not mine to hold while I'm birthing a child. And but we do. And to just not even have the option to worry about those things was really, really beautiful.
00;59;43;22 - 01;00;07;05
Unknown
And, you know, I picked up my baby and I'm holding him. And about that time I hear the door open and they walk in and and it's quiet. And, you know, my son was early. He was born in his 36th week of gestation. And he was crying. He had a beautiful cry right off the bat. He came out and my daughter said, my favorite color is fresh baby pink because he had such a lovely color.
01;00;07;05 - 01;00;25;05
Unknown
And he was crying real strong. But but there was this moment of us just looking at each other and the quiet, and that's when the door opened. And shortly after that, the baby started crying again, and I hear like a scurry of feet to the bedroom and jaws drop. And I don't even remember if it was my husband or my.
01;00;25;06 - 01;00;42;14
Unknown
My daughter said, mommy had the baby and there we were. And then, you know, it was. I was like, can I think I said, like, I had some help because I'm sitting in a puddle and I know I need to birth the placenta. And the bowl for the placenta was in the yard being used as a play toy.
01;00;42;14 - 01;01;07;04
Unknown
And so it had, you know, leaves and flower petals and stuff in it. And my husband's like, go grab the bowl, get it washed clean. We got it. You know, mommy having to pull center. And my daughter was thrilled to run back in with the bowl and to be able to to watch watch the birth. And it was I mean, it was everybody's magical right, to have them there for the completion of the birth.
01;01;07;07 - 01;01;34;06
Unknown
And I was able to focus on my baby at his emergence. And then they were there to help shuffle and dry stuff off a little bit as my second boy, you know, kind of finished his birth process. And yeah, it was absolutely beautiful. And, you know, I walked away again thinking like that, this I could do again. This I could do again if, you know, God willing, if I could never set foot in a hospital ever again, I will not.
01;01;34;07 - 01;01;53;09
Unknown
But this was beautiful. And my 16 month old was thrilled, you know, pointing and screaming. And he was so excited. And there was kind of this instant recognition that this big belly that he had been loving on and kissing the whole pregnancy. Now, whatever was in that belly is on the outside. I mean, he knew and it was beautiful to see him.
01;01;53;09 - 01;02;13;03
Unknown
And and I think that's another thing that he was able to connect so easily in that moment. You know, when my 16 month old saw his brother for the first time, his brother's placenta was still inside my body, like we were still connected. And it was this very beautiful process of my younger son, even though he's, you know, he's not going to remember it.
01;02;13;03 - 01;02;34;25
Unknown
But I think that kind of impression of having experienced it will be there that he saw. Yeah, he saw how his brother came into the world. So that was yeah, that was the conclusion of of my my second free birth and all the stories about how babies are born and how they emerge just kind of like melted away with that one.
01;02;34;25 - 01;02;54;13
Unknown
And I didn't even realize I still had a lot of those stories. So, you know, I mentioned earlier when my son, my first son, when his head was born, it didn't feel great. I found out later it's because his hand was on the side of his head. He was born with a nuclear hand. And, you know, nucleon supposedly makes their long, longer, more painful.
01;02;54;15 - 01;03;14;05
Unknown
No, I mean, his head didn't feel great when it came out because there was a hand with it, but but it didn't even other women. So I had a new coal hand to. And I thought that birth was excruciating. But I know plenty of women who birthed knuckle handed babies who don't feel any different. So like there's no universal place.
01;03;14;06 - 01;03;30;09
Unknown
Yeah. And then when my third child was born, I don't know how he came out. Right. I don't have any idea. You know, I have a pretty good idea. Probably his hand wasn't there because it did feel different than my first son, but I don't know if the cord was around his neck. I don't know if it was like he.
01;03;30;10 - 01;03;47;00
Unknown
He tumbled out and landed on the bed and and I picked him up, and I don't know if he was facing forwards, backwards, sideways. I have no idea. But it doesn't matter. And that was an interesting story that I didn't realize that I still held that, you know. Oh, but if they come like, what if they emerge sideways?
01;03;47;01 - 01;04;05;25
Unknown
Like, is that going to be, you know, more difficult? Like it's just like, oh, you have this story of like, oh, yeah, the cord was around the neck and I just simply unwrapped it. Like even the non dramatic response, it's still the story. And with my third baby I have none of that. He was just simply born and I don't know how but he came out.
01;04;05;28 - 01;04;30;00
Unknown
There's a story I think it's on the podcast now. I can't remember if it is or not. But there's the story of this woman who birthed in the dark but was filming, and then I've actually seen this too, as a birth witness. But so it's different women, but same story really birthed in the dark in the tub, and then later lightened up the video and saw that the baby was breech but had no idea, you know?
01;04;30;02 - 01;04;57;26
Unknown
And just like those stories just melt away with that. They do. And I'm pretty sure my son came headfirst, but I don't know, like if I had to put money on it, I'd say his head came out first. It felt like it had came out first, but I don't know. I mean, that's the that's the unique gift of attending births because every time you see another normal birth, it deprogram some story in my psyche.
01;04;58;00 - 01;05;28;03
Unknown
You know, small stories like posterior, you know, posterior babies, they're supposed to be longer and harder, but then you see a woman birth a posterior baby, you know, in an hour and orgasm while she's doing it, you know, and just the array of diversity and variations, just totally specifically when they're wild because no one's pathologies them. It's like completely rearranged my brain.
01;05;28;06 - 01;05;58;04
Unknown
It doesn't mean I don't have any stories left. I'm always discovering them. Like I go to another birth and I'm like, oh, okay, there's another one, there's another one. It's so cool and it's so unique. And it would be really cool to see a world where women and young girls were more familiar with birth in this way because, yeah, the the dissolution of these narratives, you know, these stories are kind of sold to us like rules and laws, and they're just so totally not.
01;05;58;05 - 01;06;18;10
Unknown
It's quite confidence building. It is, it is. And and I am forever grateful that my daughter has been able to, to see her brothers come in the world. And she is older, you know, she's she's eight years old now. And she will remember my 16 month old is not going to remember, but my eight year old will remember.
01;06;18;11 - 01;06;35;29
Unknown
But it's still like what's normal in your household. So remembering the explicit memory doesn't really even matter as much as this is just what is normal. Like like people ask me all the time, how do you talk to your kids about birth? I'm like, I don't know. I don't even really you don't need to about it. Like, yeah, I don't, I don't.
01;06;36;00 - 01;06;56;03
Unknown
What do you mean? Like, it just is our world. It just is. It's like talking about how we breathe. It's. Yeah. It's not like even something I think about. And yet my two year old, you know, every morning comes and kisses my belly and is like, you know, my baby's going to come out of your yoni and the baby is going to cry, and I'm going to hold my baby.
01;06;56;03 - 01;07;11;27
Unknown
And it's like, I never even really told him that. You know, it's just in the field of the of the house of what's normal. And it is it is funny, you know, I've seen women ask the question, like, what do I tell my child when they ask, how does the baby come out? It's like, what do you mean?
01;07;11;28 - 01;07;29;04
Unknown
Like, you tell them how the baby comes out. Like my baby, like I just. Yeah, the baby comes out. This is where it comes out. You know, my daughter has seen it like. And she's eight. And so there's this concern like, oh, you tell your child that the baby comes out of your vagina. And that's like some taboo answer.
01;07;29;06 - 01;07;54;03
Unknown
It's crazy. It's like my your ear. Like they know. Yeah. I mean, well, you know, we're obviously like our generations better than the previous, but that only reveals their own shame, you know, in sexual repression. And that's just where we're at, you know, and I think, you know, all these free birth and families, not maybe all, but a lot of them are really moving the needle of what is and isn't taboo.
01;07;54;03 - 01;08;19;13
Unknown
And when it's truly normal. Yeah, it is almost like comical how like not interesting. You know, you have to go through. Yeah. You have to go through. It's really we're retraining ourselves. And as we retrain ourselves, our kids are just expressions of that. Yeah. And that is an absolute joy for me to know that my children are growing up with a very different story than I did.
01;08;19;14 - 01;08;45;00
Unknown
You know, my story, as I mentioned, started with all of my siblings and I were born via induction. Everyone I knew was having babies in the hospital, and now my children get to grow up with a very different understanding of pregnancy and birth. And, you know, I hope that that that sets them up for just a lot of peace and joy in their future, you know, God willing, their future pregnancies.
01;08;45;00 - 01;09;16;07
Unknown
And, you know, for my sons to be able to support their wives in their choices. And it's an amazing gift. Yeah, it's an amazing gift to be able to give our children. I mean, it sets the tone, like all of us as females walk with our moms story pretty strongly. And it's either a story we have to overcome that were inspired by, you know, and you've chosen a path that, you know, your your daughter doesn't have to overcome this story, which is pretty cool.
01;09;16;12 - 01;09;33;08
Unknown
She doesn't. Yeah. And I yeah, I would do I would do it all over again. And you know hopefully hopefully we will get to do it all over again which is again night and day different. Isn't that crazy like to go from like I'm never having another baby. This is done to how many can I get it? I have three I could, I could step in a couple more.
01;09;33;09 - 01;10;08;16
Unknown
Yeah. I mean I think that's biology and action, you know, that that makes sense to me that yes, a positive birth experience, you know, intact, family centered leads to the desire to have more that seems really in alignment with nature wanting to produce itself. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But yeah. So that's that's my, my, my three births and my kind of transition from, you know, with, with my first free birth.
01;10;08;16 - 01;10;27;02
Unknown
There's kind of this, you know, this voice in the back of your head, like, I hope this is the right decision. I hope this was the right choice. And moving forward to now with this one. Like, I know, I know this is the right choice. I know this was what was meant for us and for our family. And I know that this is what, you know, we would we would choose again.
01;10;27;04 - 01;10;53;00
Unknown
It's been an absolutely wonderful and long, you know, eight year, eight year progression from my or nine years, I guess, if you count the time I was pregnant from my first now to my third. Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for letting me share. All right, women, I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below.
01;10;53;00 - 01;11;16;22
Unknown
And of course, leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets. So let's spread the good word of free birth. Don't forget, you can watch all of my podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories. And you will also find our viral free worth collection of epic Raw Birth videos on our YouTube channel.
01;11;16;22 - 01;11;37;27
Unknown
So make sure you're subscribed. We always have a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out about all of it at Free Birth Society. And I am at Freiburg Society on Instagram. Please opt in to my newsletter below so that you don't miss a thing. We offer courses on free birth, sovereign birth work as well as one on one coaching women's retreats so much.
01;11;37;29 - 01;12;01;24
Unknown
Our exclusive private vetted membership. The Lighthouse is definitely something to check out. If you were looking for a community of wise sisters to get guidance from and to meet in real life. Together we rise. Sisters. We must speak our stories, fully, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you.
01;12;01;24 - 01;12;03;04
Unknown
Till next time.
