00;00;00;05 - 00;00;20;16
Unknown
My brother in law said, you can't work at coffee shops forever. You should probably become a phlebotomist. I was a fear mongering phlebotomist. Who told you you should do it? I need to quit this job. I can't believe that I'm doing this. It's pretty obvious that all of this stuff is designed to fracture mother baby and to dampen your instincts.
00;00;20;17 - 00;00;40;25
Unknown
Some part of us always knows. And then it becomes this question of how online is that voice? Once you have that feeling of having a baby, it quickly came over me and was overwhelming how badly I wanted to have a baby. By 15 weeks, I fully was like, no, this is what I'm doing. I am not wavering in this.
00;00;40;25 - 00;01;04;15
Unknown
I ended up releasing that pregnancy. I'm thankful for that experience, but I also was not ready to have a baby at that moment. We had so much going on and processing through that was also really hard. At the same time of having an injured partner who is just miserable by women. Before we dive in today, I need to name something important.
00;01;04;22 - 00;01;41;13
Unknown
This episode, along with all episodes that you will hear until our winter break in mid-December, was recorded before my birth prior to mid-August. Since then, our family has walked through the unimaginable. Our son was stillborn and we are in deep mourning. As the shows air, you'll hear and see me pregnant, which now feels incredibly painful and weird given that you are holding the sacred knowledge of what came after.
00;01;41;15 - 00;02;13;17
Unknown
So please forgive the dissonance. These stories still deserve to be shared and heard. We welcome your prayers, your loving thoughts, and your support as we navigate this spiral of such deep grief. I hope you find resonance and nourishment in this conversation today. Thank you. If you're newly pregnant and feeling the pull towards a sovereign birth, or even just curious about free birth but don't know where to start, I made something for you.
00;02;13;17 - 00;02;43;25
Unknown
It's called the Free Birth Starter Kit and it's totally free. This is a potent resource that lays out exactly what you need to know to begin your journey into autonomous pregnancy and birth. No fluff, no fear. Just a clear, confident guide to get you oriented, grounded, and tuned into what's actually possible. Thousands of women have downloaded this kit and told us that it was the first time they really felt permission to trust themselves and to opt out of the medical ized madness.
00;02;43;27 - 00;03;08;25
Unknown
If you're wondering whether free birth is safe, legal, or how you could even possibly do this, start here. Go to Free Birth Society kit. Opt in all. Check it out in the show notes below and download it now. Like I said, it's free. It's powerful and it was made for you. Your reclamation begins here. Welcome to free birth society.
00;03;08;25 - 00;03;35;09
Unknown
I'm Emilee Saldaya, and this is where we break the spell of medicalized birth. Remember what's been forgotten. And rise together into our birthright to live birth and mother as sovereign women. Welcome to the show, Riley. Hello. Hi. Happy to have you here. Let's just dive on in. I saw your super cute birth video where your mom was attending.
00;03;35;09 - 00;03;58;13
Unknown
That's so special. We'll link to that in the show notes. So just tell us, how the heck did you wind up free birthing your first kiddo? Yeah. So I I'm 25 as of recording this. I met my husband about five years ago, and he's kind of a wild one. I was also kind of wild, but in a different way.
00;03;58;14 - 00;04;24;25
Unknown
You know, he was traveling in a Volkswagen bus, and I was living in an apartment and partying. And when I met him, we kind of made a shift together that, you know, we were going to try and be a little more holistic and align our values. And so, yeah, we knew that we wanted kids and we didn't really talk about it, you know, and we had conversations now.
00;04;24;25 - 00;04;43;03
Unknown
He said to me, I know, I knew I wanted kids and I know I want kids with you, but I didn't really ever think about what that actually would look like. And so we didn't have a ton of conversation prior. We just knew that we would step into it. However, that looked and kind of wherever we were at.
00;04;43;04 - 00;05;07;19
Unknown
And so last year, 2024, beginning in 24, he was in an accident, actually, and it kind of pivoted us even further. The medical system just in general. I mean, it obviously at that point he needed real care. What happened? He was walking. We were on the coast. I don't know if you're familiar with like Trinidad area. I used to live there.
00;05;07;21 - 00;05;31;09
Unknown
Really? Okay. Yeah. So there's a place called McKinley Ville, which you probably know where McKinley and we were surf trip for our friend's birthday, and he was walking from the karaoke bar because there's no Ubers and, you know, McKinley ville. So they were like, oh, it's not that far. I'll just walk home and a truck, a little Toyota Tacoma hit him while he was walking.
00;05;31;12 - 00;05;50;05
Unknown
Oh, wow. Going very fast. So he was in the ICU over there for a month. And then he did rehab over there for a month. And we don't live there. So I mean, we were just over there and it was it was really tough. It was hard. He is very out of the system. I mean, he doesn't go to the doctor.
00;05;50;05 - 00;06;07;14
Unknown
He luckily had health insurance, which was free. You know, he had government health insurance. So it covered everything. But it was it was just a really hard time in our life. And it was hard for him and it was hard for me to watch. And, you know, we relied on the system at that point and we're like, well, we need you.
00;06;07;14 - 00;06;31;14
Unknown
Because he had multiple surgeries and a tear in his aorta and like things that were just like, we can't handle this outside of the hospital, you know? And then outside of that, when he came out, it was prescriptions and pharmacies. And he quickly was like, this is the reason that I didn't align to begin with, with the hospital and pharmaceuticals.
00;06;31;14 - 00;06;48;26
Unknown
And so he, after he got out of the hospital, should have probably stayed on medication to help with all of the pain. But he, I think, only took it for about a month and then was like cold turkey. I'm just going to be done and I'll just, you know, bear the the pain that I have from all of these injuries.
00;06;48;26 - 00;07;10;09
Unknown
And so fast forward that was in February at the beginning of February. Fast forward to July. Oh, actually. Sorry. Let me back up. February. I had come home after it was, I think, three weeks he was over there and we have animals to and people were taking care of him for me. And so I said, I'm going to go home.
00;07;10;09 - 00;07;38;25
Unknown
You're doing better. I'll be back. But I just need to go home for now. And I had been, you know, exhausted and I had missed my period. And I was like, something is happening. And I didn't I didn't even occur to me like, oh, I'm pregnant. Whoa. And yeah, so I get home. And the day I got home, I laid on the couch for about eight hours straight and it was like 9:00 at night.
00;07;38;25 - 00;08;00;21
Unknown
And I went to sit up and I threw up in my mouth. And at that moment I went, oh, shit. Oh, wow. I drove to the store, I got a test and I took it and it was positive pretty quickly. And I went, oh my God, no, this is this isn't happening right now. This is, you know, how pregnant were you at that point?
00;08;00;21 - 00;08;22;15
Unknown
I had just missed my period by a few days. So I was like, as soon as you could test, probably like four weeks. Yeah. So I ended up releasing that pregnancy and thinking about it now, in hindsight, like I, I'm thankful for that experience and also that I, I loved that baby, but I also was not ready to have a baby at that moment.
00;08;22;15 - 00;08;43;15
Unknown
And we had so much going on. And it was it was just a lot. It was really hard. And processing through that was also really hard at the same time of having, you know, a injured partner who is just miserable. So fast forward to July. At this point, I really like once you have that feeling of having a baby, it's like, oh, I want to be a mom.
00;08;43;15 - 00;09;06;25
Unknown
And it quickly came over me and was overwhelming how badly I wanted to have a baby. So in July, we read a music festival up in Oregon, and I had been telling him, you know, I really want a baby. At this point. He had started walking again and was like, mobile. And he was. If it happens, then great, I want to have a baby with you, obviously.
00;09;06;25 - 00;09;31;15
Unknown
So you know, when it happens, it'll happen. And I totally knew I was ready to have a baby that weekend that we were at this festival. I was calling it in. I could feel it. And yeah, so I got pregnant that weekend, and I remember we were driving home and I totally was just giddy to myself thinking, like, in a few weeks I'm going to be, you know, experiencing all of these symptoms, I'm sure, of pregnancy.
00;09;31;15 - 00;09;59;09
Unknown
And yeah, sorry, but found out I was pregnant, I was testing, I was basically doing all of the normal things that people do when they are get pregnant or in the system. Also on a side parallel, I worked at the hospital when I was, I think 19 or 20. My brother in law said, you know, you can't work at coffee shops forever.
00;09;59;09 - 00;10;20;16
Unknown
You should probably become a full botanist because he works in the hospital and he's like, they make good money, it's quick schooling, you don't need to go to college, yada yada yada. And being young, I wanted to make money. I wanted to have money and be able to do the things that I wanted to do. And I also had lived on my own since I had turned 18.
00;10;20;16 - 00;10;39;09
Unknown
So I was like, anything to get out of working. Three jobs I'm going to do. I didn't know if I was going to like it. I didn't know if I was, you know, scared of blood or needles or any of those things. And so I just did it and I stepped into that, telling myself like, oh, I'm helping people and I'm making a difference in the hospital.
00;10;39;09 - 00;10;59;09
Unknown
And I'm like, this light. And yeah, and I did that. There's only two hospitals in like a 30 mile radius that deliver babies. So there's a smaller hospital and a town called Red bluff. And then there's the main hospital here in Redding. And I worked at the hospital in Red bluff for.
00;10;59;11 - 00;11;20;03
Unknown
Two, maybe three years. I can't remember exactly, but I worked there and then I and I loved it. I mean, it was it's small. It's very, very small. So I didn't see a lot of moms and babies. I had the occasional one, but I didn't have any consciousness of, like, anything weird. Like nothing was weird to me at that point.
00;11;20;03 - 00;11;34;29
Unknown
I think if anything, the only thing that I knew from the very beginning was if people didn't want to do something. I was a huge advocate that, oh, you don't have to, you know, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Crazy notion. It's crazy notion, I know, but. And they would go, well, what do you think?
00;11;35;00 - 00;11;49;11
Unknown
And it's like, it doesn't matter what I think or what the guy in the white coat thinks. Like, you don't have to do it if you don't feel comfortable doing it. You know, I mean, if you walk in for a tummy ache, then obviously you're going to want all the things to try and figure out why you have it.
00;11;49;14 - 00;12;12;16
Unknown
But if you don't want to do something, I don't care. It's not for me working there. I think it was. I had blinders on, you know, I had a better version or like a sweeter, softer version of what the hospital looked like. And then I was tired of driving, I was driving, I was commuting 40 minutes every single day for this job.
00;12;12;16 - 00;12;36;25
Unknown
And I decided I'm going to move closer to Redding, to that hospital, even though it's bigger and so I don't have to drive. And so I moved to the hospital that's in Redding. And I actually remember the first day my mom and me talk about this. Now, the first day that I started at the hospital, I called my mom after and I said, I don't think I can do this.
00;12;36;25 - 00;12;58;08
Unknown
This is not it. I don't feel aligned with it. It feels icky up here. I yeah, and I couldn't really put my finger on it because it had only been one day. And so I just knew that I had a bad feeling about can you, can you now? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, but that also goes into like the other hospital to I mean, it was just a lighter version.
00;12;58;08 - 00;13;22;14
Unknown
So yeah, I worked there for a little over a year and I wrote that first day. I think I just it was just so quick. And people just they don't really care. It's a business. It's get you in, get you out. If you come in through the emergency room, like you're not really a you're not really a person, you're just a, you know, a diagnosis that we can give you meds for so we can send you home.
00;13;22;15 - 00;13;44;02
Unknown
Or if it is something serious, then, oh, that's exciting. And people are, you know, like doting over this person who's actually sick or having real struggles and it's sick. I mean, it's like it's seriously sick because it's, you know, when a trauma comes in, everyone gets excited, like, oh, we get to do something. And I was one of those people, you know, like I was that I was also that person.
00;13;44;02 - 00;14;07;24
Unknown
And it is really it's weird being on the other side of it now and being like, wow, I felt so unaligned and I wonder why. And then at the same time, I was just following the pack of sheep and, you know, it's. So when I found out I was pregnant, after already feeling feelings like that, I quickly things shifted.
00;14;07;24 - 00;14;38;04
Unknown
For me. It went from my, you know, third eye being fully clothed to all of a sudden I could not. It was just so open I couldn't close it. And so I started having all of these feelings around how much I hated work in the hospital and, you know, and so then I started being noisy about it, if you will, at work, which was then in turn making it to where people were like, you can't say that and you can't do that, and that's not your job.
00;14;38;04 - 00;14;59;23
Unknown
And yeah, so by let's say, what was it? I was probably like 8 or 9 weeks at this point. I had scheduled an OB appointment. And because that's what you do, and I scheduled the appointment, I went to that first appointment. They did all of the things and they said, oh yeah, you have a healthy baby and yada.
00;14;59;23 - 00;15;18;05
Unknown
And I was I felt weird in the appointment. And I remember being like, this is so weird. I feel weird and I don't know why. And actually the OB, I was saying I see all the time, so why do I feel weird? He's at the hospital all the time. And yeah, and so I didn't really say anything to anyone else about it.
00;15;18;05 - 00;15;42;06
Unknown
But then in the next few weeks after that, I had been watching or I was listening to a podcast. We were buying me a new car, so I was driving the Sacramento. So I was just podcast after podcast, YouTube video after YouTube video, and it was Stu Fishbein or Fishbein. Something about breech first came across. And so I was watching some of those videos, listening to those videos and.
00;15;42;09 - 00;16;02;14
Unknown
They said something about, I think, unattended birth or free birth. And then quickly I was like, wait, what? That's I don't know what that is. So then I just typed in free birth and then Free Birth Society pops up and I'm like, oh, interesting. So then I listened to one episode and then one episode turned into I have listened to every single episode.
00;16;02;16 - 00;16;25;28
Unknown
I was in such a whole of like, whoa, yeah, totally. Talk about your third eye opening. Yeah. And then I thought it was open from being pregnant, and then it massively expanded and I, I just couldn't hear and see. I couldn't undo it. I was like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be. This makes sense. Why I felt so.
00;16;25;29 - 00;16;57;21
Unknown
That is a big pendulum swing. Huge. Yeah. And this was early. This was still in like my first trimester that I all of this. And so by 13 weeks I had lightly dropped it to my partner. Like this is pretty cool. And he is open minded and progressive and all of the things, but also grounded in self. And so he was like, yeah, you give me more information or I can look it up or whatever you think you know would be best.
00;16;57;22 - 00;17;16;10
Unknown
He towards the end it started to become more real. And so he had a lot of fear to knock down there. But it has changed him just as much as it's changed me. It seems like. Yeah. So 13 weeks I was aware of it. I was like, okay, this is really cool. I'm going to start kind of prepping.
00;17;16;10 - 00;17;36;08
Unknown
So I had started a note in my phone just like, okay, these are things that I would want if, you know, I decided to have a free birth. I was still kind of like, well, maybe I'll have a midwife or and I hadn't really thought about delivery prior to being pregnant. I just thought, you know, like you just go to the hospital.
00;17;36;08 - 00;17;58;16
Unknown
That's what my mom did. Shockingly, my grandma was her first one, went to the hospital, second one was born on the gurney. Like going walking in because her head was already out in the car. And then with her third one, she had a midwife and the midwife couldn't make it. And so it was just a decision of, do you want to go to the hospital or stay home?
00;17;58;16 - 00;18;23;23
Unknown
And they lived in a really tiny rural town where you don't deliver babies at that hospital. And so she just said, well, I'm just going to do it here because I've already had two, and I basically delivered the last one in the car so I can do it. And she did it with her mom and her husband, and I don't know, in my mind, I didn't really think about that very much as being, you know, her version of an unattended birth.
00;18;23;23 - 00;18;49;10
Unknown
It was just, well, she just choose chose not to go. But like she did have a midwife and yeah. So I started talking to my husband about it and yeah, at the same time I had no knowledge of wild pregnancy. So I was just it was slowly like things I was learning as I was going. And I really started reading books.
00;18;49;10 - 00;19;12;11
Unknown
And that's what kind of led me to being, you know, more understanding of the full thought of having a free birth. So many of you have asked me over the years about the choice to not register your baby after birth, no birth certificate, no social security number, and how to still get a passport. Well, I'm thrilled to finally have someone I can wholeheartedly refer you to.
00;19;12;13 - 00;19;46;25
Unknown
Free birthing mother and sovereignty mentor Veda Ray. Veda doesn't just talk about this. She lives it. And now she's teaching other parents exactly how to welcome and raise a truly sovereign baby. Head over to Veda Revival and start your journey. So I had two ultrasounds. The first one and then the anatomy scan. And by the anatomy scan I it's so it's it's sad because even like the pictures of me like my mom came because I invited her and like she took pictures of me from the side while I was getting it.
00;19;46;25 - 00;20;05;29
Unknown
And I can see it on my face that I'm just like, I don't want to be doing this. This is so weird to me at this point too, because by 20 weeks I was like, I think at will 13, I was already knew about it and was excited about it. And then by 15 weeks I had fully was like, no, this is what I'm doing and I am not wavering in this.
00;20;06;02 - 00;20;19;24
Unknown
So by that I was like, why am I even doing this? Like, this feels so weird and like I'm not even at this point. I was lying to them to I, you know, they think I'm going to deliver with them and I'm secretly being like, that's not going to happen. But also for what? Why am I still seeing you?
00;20;19;24 - 00;20;43;21
Unknown
And so which is such a it's such a like I keep getting this image as you're describing. It is like climbing out of this consciousness, you know, like like out of this, like swamp or this kind of this. I mean, it's just this whole paradigm that you're just in the river, you're in the stream of society, you're doing everything that is totally normalized.
00;20;43;27 - 00;21;13;22
Unknown
So there's there's nothing on paper weird or wrong, and yet it's so counter instinctual. It's so it's it is what's the right word? I mean, obviously this is arguable, but in my opinion, it's pretty obvious that all of this stuff obstetrics at large is it is designed to fracture mother baby and to dampen your instincts. And so some part of us always knows.
00;21;13;22 - 00;21;42;09
Unknown
And then it becomes this question of like, well, how online is that voice. Right. And that's like, that's where all these personal stories are so interesting because you can hear I can hear your, you know, inner voice, like being online in the story, but it isn't front and center yet. You haven't yet learned how to have the inner voice actually be the guide.
00;21;42;09 - 00;22;07;09
Unknown
It's starting to. And you're like pulling yourself out and you're climbing out and you're you're like, have this sense that things are funky and and that's just so much of what this is for all of us, you know, is how much are we letting our tamed, domesticated, you know, like current run the show and how much is our inner voice or, and or how much is our inner voice?
00;22;07;09 - 00;22;37;01
Unknown
Are we learning to let that inner voice guide us? Because, you know, what might be obvious to most of us is that the inner voice and the the tamed, domesticated current are at complete fucking odds. You know, like the inner voice is a wild bitch. She is the wild, primitive mama bear. She just is. She is because we're animals and because we're we're instinctual wild beings, spiritual beings.
00;22;37;01 - 00;23;09;07
Unknown
And so that really, I feel like your story just really highlights what we all deal with. You know what every single woman ever had on this podcast, in some way, in her own ways, talking about is this dance or war, you know, between our instincts and our knowing, and then how quiet is that shit and how how the journey of free birth is one of the most efficient routes to claw our way out and start to center that that inner voice.
00;23;09;09 - 00;23;31;12
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. I mean, the sad part is that even while doing that kind of silently and, you know, having those thoughts, I still felt guilty. I felt that guilt from I shouldn't well, I shouldn't be doing this. I should be a good girl. I should be doing what they want me to do, and I shouldn't be going against them in my mind.
00;23;31;12 - 00;23;41;10
Unknown
And it was like, why do I feel guilty? I mean, after that appointment, I think it was the next appointment I.
00;23;41;12 - 00;24;13;11
Unknown
Wait, what was it? Yeah. No. Okay. So that I was supposed to have another appointment four weeks after that, I went seven weeks instead because I canceled the next one. And then I was like, I'm not going back, and I feel so liberated and yada, yada yada. And then it hit me, I'm not going to get paid. This is the sick part about it to I'm not going to get paid from like for my leave if I don't have their sign off at the end of this.
00;24;13;16 - 00;24;29;29
Unknown
Like if I, you know, stop going to them, I'm not going to be able to like actually have an income to spend time with my baby after this. Which is so sad because now I'm like, well, I have to use this system to use another system so that I can literally just take care of my baby after birth.
00;24;30;01 - 00;24;53;05
Unknown
It's all the same system, dude. Like, right? Yeah. And so I go back at 27 weeks and you know their pressure. Well, why didn't you come back? And you know, you were supposed to have one four weeks ago and it's almost been two months now and yada yada. And at this appointment I was like, I'm going to I'm going to test the waters a little bit here.
00;24;53;12 - 00;25;10;15
Unknown
You can, you know, shame me for my weight. That's fine. We'll take my weight, I don't care. She gets the Doppler out and I'm like, oh no, I'm not going to be not going to do that today. And it took her back. I mean, this is a medical assistant. And she's like, she looks at me and turns her head and goes, well, you have to.
00;25;10;17 - 00;25;25;25
Unknown
And I literally like that's when the mama was like I said, actually, I don't have to. And I said, why don't you send your pa in here? Because I'll tell her to, like, you're not obviously the person that's going to be trying to reprimand me in five minutes for this. So like, just go ahead and send her in.
00;25;26;00 - 00;25;45;04
Unknown
And surely enough, usually it takes them, you know, 30 minutes of lollygagging to come into the room and do all of these things with you and talk to you for three minutes and then send you out. Well, she was in there immediately, like, why are you what changed? What's she got a live one back? Yeah. I could hear them out in the hallway being like, yeah, she refused.
00;25;45;04 - 00;26;10;03
Unknown
And I'm like, oh gosh, here we go. Yeah, how gross of me. And so she comes in and she's like, what changed? And was trying to meet me, you know, at this like facade of I care about you and me sweet. And I see through that shit. I'm, I'm like. And I'm like, nothing changed. I mean, I've changed, but, like, I just don't want to do it today.
00;26;10;03 - 00;26;32;07
Unknown
I'm good. And I was like, I know he's good. He's moving around. Oh, and at this point they had told me it was a boy. I was like, I don't need to do that. So you can take my blood pressure. That's also going to be fine because I feel good. And she's like, okay. And she kind of made a comment like, there's certain things that we have to do, like, or we can't see.
00;26;32;07 - 00;26;52;23
Unknown
You. And I quickly went then dropped me as a patient then do it. I mean, like that makes it easier for me. I can still put on that. I saw you guys for my disability paperwork, and I'll still be able to go through all of the steps to, you know, get paid to be on leave. Drop me. Then she's like, well, I can't drop you for not doing the Doppler.
00;26;52;29 - 00;27;17;28
Unknown
And I'm like, okay, well then great. So we're settled then, you know, and at this point, I'm still just playing this game of like, I just like irritating you. But I'm like, why? I wish I didn't even have to be a part of this. Like, it's not actually fun for me to be doing this. It's. Well, some part of you likes it because the dynamic is like, we get to be these little like bratty 13 year olds and like, obstetrics is like daddy.
00;27;17;29 - 00;27;43;21
Unknown
Yeah. You know, it's like it's an abusive daddy. It's a fucked up, abusive daddy. But there is some part, I think until we grow out of it, there is some familiarity, like bratty, rebellious thing in there that I think a lot of women do like. And I think having that feeling of guilt prior to that really fueled it, where I was like, I shouldn't feel guilty and I want to feel empowered.
00;27;43;21 - 00;28;09;06
Unknown
And so in turn, I just went into my teenage self and went, fuck you. When in actuality, it would have probably benefited me to just step away fully. And I didn't. But, well, you did eventually. I mean, the real yeah, the real flex is always to make their job meaningless. Exactly. Yeah. Which was crazy. I mean, from the beginning, I thought they just don't even know that they're not going to see me, you know?
00;28;09;07 - 00;28;26;08
Unknown
And then I was like, there's fear and doubt in that of like, well, what if I did have to go to the hospital? Or what if I do transfer myself or obviously that wasn't the case, but like there is a moment where I thought, worse, I'm really like, I'm talking this up and if I don't do this, how embarrassing.
00;28;26;08 - 00;28;49;22
Unknown
So yeah. So then after that appointment, I saw them once more. Same thing. I refused the Doppler and so it was just a weight, blood pressure. And that was at 33, 32 or 33. And then at that point, they had signed off on all my paperwork that I needed. And so I was like, awesome. And she I remember my last appointment, my husband had come with me.
00;28;49;22 - 00;29;12;21
Unknown
And because he he was aware of the dynamic with this, actually, it wasn't a PA, it was a nurse practitioner. And she was actually like an injector for lips and Botox and filler also in the same office. So bizarre. And he came with me. He's kind of sitting behind the door and she literally like professionalism and that style.
00;29;12;21 - 00;29;39;16
Unknown
Normally they kind of knock and then they come in whatever. Oh no. She flings the door open and he's behind it so she can't see him. She sits down and she goes, okay, so next appointment. And he pipes up and he's like, hi. And she's like, oh, how sorry. How's it going? Like just so rude and also obvious to the fact that like, our last interaction was not great and there was tension there.
00;29;39;16 - 00;29;56;04
Unknown
So that that quickly shifted her, you know, dynamic with the three of us being there. But she's like, next appointment is going to be the Group B strep, which I mean, I worked at the hospital and I worked in the lab. So like, I know all of these tests that they're doing and they're all they didn't make sense to me then.
00;29;56;04 - 00;30;17;03
Unknown
And so why would they make sense now? Because they don't make sense. Because they don't make sense at all to anybody. You're going to do this test. Yeah. Four weeks from now. And then by the time it comes it's like wait that. Oh, okay. No. She goes, well, at your next appointment we're going to do a Group B strep and then we're going to do an ultrasound and blah blah blah blah blah.
00;30;17;06 - 00;30;40;09
Unknown
And I just remember bratty going, okay, like very, very kind this time because I knew I wasn't coming back. And so I was like, yeah, great. Oh, he would totally believe, like all the things you wouldn't believe. You're not going to see me again though, unfortunately. And so I didn't return after that. And yeah, the last little stretch of my pregnancy was the best shocker.
00;30;40;09 - 00;31;03;02
Unknown
I was just so at peace. And yeah, it was it was amazing. And I just fueled my body and was getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And I didn't really get uncomfortable until, you know, the last week I was pretty, pretty ready to not be pregnant anymore. But yeah. So I guess maybe I'll transition into my birth and all of that.
00;31;03;03 - 00;31;27;15
Unknown
But how did you. Is there anything you want to speak to about the fears, the what ifs, and any outside navigation of that flipping your middle finger, you know, to the system into your pregnancy? Yeah, I totally forgot to talk about the work side of it. So while I was pregnant, I was still working during the entire pregnancy.
00;31;27;15 - 00;31;53;27
Unknown
I had an issue, obviously with the system and even prior to that, but getting pregnant really shifted that. So when I was working my job, you would basically get scheduled a section of the hospital each day, and so not one person would be in the same area every day, but I would be in labor and delivery, you know, once a week or whatever, and or twice a week maybe.
00;31;53;27 - 00;32;28;02
Unknown
And I had oh, it was during it was December. So I got pregnant, I found out I was pregnant beginning of August. And by October, November I was like fully off that I knew I was going to do it at home, by myself or with my mom and my husband. And I remember in December they were so super, super busy that day up in labor and delivery, and I didn't put it together until literally a nurse said it to me.
00;32;28;02 - 00;32;43;08
Unknown
I said, why is it so busy up here today? Like there's so many moms and babies? And at this point I, I would literally walk into a room and go, this is what the test is for. You don't necessarily need to do it. It's totally up to you. They're going to push for you to do it though, regardless.
00;32;43;08 - 00;33;00;10
Unknown
So you can tell me no. Like just know that. And if you feel good, you can absolutely tell me no. Like don't do anything. And I was leading with like what in the hospital they would deem like, you can't do that. You shouldn't be doing that because I'm not encouraging people. I'm actually like, no, if you feel good, don't do it.
00;33;00;12 - 00;33;16;10
Unknown
But also even if you don't feel good, I know which then I couldn't say like, don't do it all together. I had to, like, sugarcoat it a little bit, which I thought at the time, which because I was trying not to get fired and it was the whole thing. And so I was like, why is it so busy?
00;33;16;10 - 00;33;43;28
Unknown
And she's like, well, it's the holiday weekend. And so we have a bunch of scheduled inductions and C-sections. And I remember being like, whoa, this is just a business. This is not like, this is crazy. So then after that, not just a business, but a sadistic one. Yeah. And it's just it's so sick. It's I don't remember if it was on one of your episodes or what, but if someone said it and it might have been you.
00;33;43;28 - 00;34;04;11
Unknown
But if every single lady in the hospital said, I'm going to do an unmedicated in the hospital, like they would be so busy and there would have to be a nurse present for every single patient in every single room. And if no one got an epidural, like it would be a whole different thing. And they wouldn't, they wouldn't want to do it because they want to sit behind the desk and they want to do nothing.
00;34;04;12 - 00;34;28;15
Unknown
And till it's go time or whatever. And yeah. And so I just remember that day, I actually after she said that to me, I had I'm not like the most emotional. But I remember I went into the bathroom, I was sobbing like I just felt, why am I here? Why am I doing this? Why am I perpetuating this terrible thing that I don't even agree with?
00;34;28;16 - 00;34;50;24
Unknown
Like, and I don't know when on doing this here, like, you know, and I had been trying to reframe it as well. I can be helpful in this season, even though I feel this way. I can try and advocate for people and let them know that they don't have to do things extra. And it just, you know, I was lying to myself to try and get through the day, basically.
00;34;50;26 - 00;35;15;28
Unknown
And so from then I started, every time you go up there on a board, it shows if they were C-section or vaginal. And before I go in the room, you know, I can look at that board. And so I for weeks and months was writing down the weekly report of how many C-sections and how many vaginal deliveries they were doing.
00;35;15;28 - 00;35;35;08
Unknown
And every single week it was over 60% were C-sections. And that to me was, you know, shocking at the time because I was seeing it in real time. I mean, I had already been doing research, and so I knew that that was probably the case, but it was crazy to actually be saying it and working for it. It was sick.
00;35;35;08 - 00;36;15;15
Unknown
And so yeah, I yeah, I mean, just being in that honestly shifted me so much quicker than anything. Also, just the nurses talking outside the room about people that are refusing. And it's sad because I have biases on both sides. I was a fear mongering phlebotomist who told you, like, well, you know, you should do it. And that's going to be the title of your episode, your magazine for the first, literally, like I went from that to all of a sudden I'm like, I can't believe that I'm doing this.
00;36;15;15 - 00;36;32;29
Unknown
I need to quit this job. And like, once I leave here, I'm never coming back. I can't imagine a gift, the gift in that. I mean, I had a very similar, you know, situation as a doula in the hospital for so long. I mean, I'd say I think all the time that if every if every woman before they have a baby could see.
00;36;33;01 - 00;37;04;28
Unknown
Yeah. What I saw, there is no freaking way that they would go in like they they couldn't have trust. When you see behind the curtain and you see all the dark stuff and the like, you know, the chart, the ways they would change the charts and the way they make fun of the patients. And yeah, I mean, all of the gross stuff behind the scenes, you know, really helped me not want to be there.
00;37;05;02 - 00;37;26;19
Unknown
Yeah, totally. And where I live, it's it's a big ish city, but not really. Everyone knows everyone in this town, especially within the hospital, because every girl you went to high school with has become a nurse, and or your parents are friends with them, or your grandparents are friends with them. And so, yeah, it was definitely something to not to have this experience.
00;37;26;19 - 00;37;48;12
Unknown
And now people are saying it and I've been, you know, like, here it is. Take a look. Because this is what's real. And like this is the direction that I want to be going and advocating for. And yeah, they're so they're so pressed by it. They're at the hospital and it's funny to watch them squirm. You know, you talk about it and it's that's bad and you're dangerous and whatever and yada yada.
00;37;48;12 - 00;38;12;03
Unknown
And yeah, so that that experience within it shifted it for me, which is weird because I think about it now, and I think I had a friend who was pregnant at the same time as me, and she'll probably watch this, but I would think to myself, like, how come this hasn't shifted? Everyone? Like, how come every mom that works here hasn't felt that way, you know?
00;38;12;04 - 00;38;39;26
Unknown
And again, the story, the drama, the whole thing of they saved me and I couldn't have done it without them. And it's just. Yeah, it's sad because, well, most of it's not true, but I think that it goes back to what I was saying earlier around the inner voice versus the cultural voice, you know, and how how tamed are you and how domesticated are you?
00;38;39;26 - 00;39;07;01
Unknown
Because when you are tamed and domesticated, you are. Your default orientation is to outsource. Yeah. You know, and you're behaving in the way that culture expects of you. You are not rocking the boat. You are happy to believe that you need the system. You know, you just you. We're all programed to outsource and we all do it until we don't.
00;39;07;02 - 00;39;30;20
Unknown
But the women who stop doing it, they just start to hear the the inner voice stronger. So I think that's one way of explaining it. Yeah. Which and I had discussed with my mom and my Meemaw about it. I said, you know, you guys didn't we didn't go to the doctor when I was a kid. That was never a thing.
00;39;30;20 - 00;39;47;22
Unknown
It wasn't. Oh, we go to the doctor for everything. My mom, the only time she took me to the doctor was when I had a broken bone that she couldn't fix at home. And so she always said, well, you know, I never really took you, so you weren't really exposed to, like, go to the doctor for every little thing and trust in them and trust in the system.
00;39;47;24 - 00;40;06;14
Unknown
But then I asked my mom, like my mom told me, I've never been to the emergency room for anything. I've never been to the hospital for anything. And I said, well, yeah, you have. And she's like, you're right, I guess, to have my babies, which I'm like, that's crazy to say out loud, right? And she goes, like, now having this experience together.
00;40;06;14 - 00;40;25;04
Unknown
She's like, it's crazy to say that out loud. And it's crazy for me to like, you know, she she had me really young. She had me when she was 18. So she's like, it's crazy being in her 40s and going, well, I'm having a full turn. Also that I didn't think I was going to have an like perspective change.
00;40;25;04 - 00;40;46;13
Unknown
So yeah. Yeah. So take us there. So you invite your mother and your partner to this free birth. Yes. So I had told my mom prior, we were really close and I told her prior, I'm not sure if I want you there. I might call on you. So just be ready. And whatever fears you need to eliminate prior.
00;40;46;14 - 00;41;08;10
Unknown
Like we can work through those together. You can work through them by yourself. Whatever you need. I might want you there. And she's trusting in me and pretty open minded and has faith. So she, you know, was like, okay, cool, I'm good for whatever. If you don't want me there, I'll see you when I see you. If you want me there, then I would love to be there.
00;41;08;13 - 00;41;34;13
Unknown
Which was really nice, because a lot of people have this turmoil within family of, like, I should be there and moms expect that their kids are going to want them there or that it's their given right. You know? And so my mom was really awesome about just being very open and supportive of, you know, I don't have to be there and you're going to do what you want to do, and you've done the work and you have the knowledge and I trust you.
00;41;34;13 - 00;42;04;05
Unknown
So whatever you want to do. So I knew for sure I wanted my partner there. He, after his accident, gets a little queasy about everything. So I was a little nervous of, you know, if you need to step out, just step out. I don't necessarily think that I'm going to need you the whole time just standing over me, but, like, I just am going to need you probably to get me water and help me with the things that you can help me with.
00;42;04;07 - 00;42;31;07
Unknown
So yeah, the day before my waters opened, which I should have submitted that picture, I didn't, but I felt super psychedelic and was like, something's going on. This is so weird. I had no thought of, oh, pregnancy or like or deliveries close. Like I'm going to have this baby soon. I he was doing stuff outside and he came inside and I was fully naked in our spare bedroom.
00;42;31;07 - 00;42;51;12
Unknown
And I had painted my whole body and my stomach and like, up to my neck. And, you know, he's. What are you doing? Why are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I just wanted I don't know, I just wanted to paint my body. It felt good. It feels like with paint. Yeah, like acrylic paint. I just totally painted a whole body.
00;42;51;12 - 00;43;12;25
Unknown
Yeah, I know, I think about it now, and I'm like, you were about to have a baby. You're being weird. So funny. Yeah, I don't know. And I like, took some, like, you know, pictures and was like. And then I was sitting in our in the room that I had our baby in, and I'm sitting in this chair and I'm kind of leaning back and I'm just talking out loud in my eyes are close.
00;43;12;25 - 00;43;28;10
Unknown
And I was telling him, like, you know, I'm just I'm letting go. You know, I've been just so caught up on when am I going to have this baby? Because it's getting hard to sleep and breathe and walking. I, you know, I'm just letting go. I don't even care anymore. He'll come when he comes. And maybe it'll be 44 weeks.
00;43;28;10 - 00;43;53;14
Unknown
And like, I hear the sound of our Polaroid camera go off. And I opened my eyes and my husband's standing there, and he's like, you look crazy. Yeah, yeah. What did you paint yourself? What? What color did you paint yourself? Oh, it was a full design. It was every color. There was color. There was trees and a swirl and polka dot.
00;43;53;17 - 00;44;19;25
Unknown
You're like, I might not be able to breathe, walk or sleep, but I can paint a mural on my body. Literally. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. So yeah. And I remember him being like, this is an awesome picture. You're gonna love this. And yeah, it's a totally it's a great picture. But. So yeah, the next day I, I went to the river with my we have two dogs, but I went just with one of my, my older dog.
00;44;19;27 - 00;44;36;15
Unknown
And, you know, we were just hanging out in the morning and I was like, okay. I feel so at peace with just knowing that I could be pregnant for another month, and I don't have to go back to the the OB. I don't have to go back to the system. I just get to enjoy this, you know, last bit and have my baby at home.
00;44;36;15 - 00;44;56;05
Unknown
And we got home later. And at this point, typically, I wouldn't like if he always asked me to do things with him. And normally I would say, yeah, I'm good, I'm going to hang out at home. It's cool inside. I don't really want to walk super full. And he said, do you want to go to the hardware store with me?
00;44;56;08 - 00;45;12;09
Unknown
Which, no, I don't want to, but I said literally never. Yeah, literally. That's actually he knows. Oh wait, no, sorry. I take that back. I take that back. I said, where are you going? And he said, I'm going to the hardware store. And I said, oh, can I go with you? That's what I said. That was the truth.
00;45;12;10 - 00;45;37;14
Unknown
It's a huge red flag. Red flag galore. Okay. And so he's he looks at me kind of weird, and he's like, I didn't ask you because you never want to go. And I'm like, I know, I'm just bored. Like, if I just sit around, you know, I have nothing to do. And at this point, all of the nesting and things that you could possibly do, I'd been doing for weeks because I went out from work early because I was like, I need to just be gone.
00;45;37;15 - 00;45;53;06
Unknown
I don't want to be here anymore. I can't continue on. I cry if I have to work in this in the labor and delivery section, like I just can't do it. So I went out super early and so I just had been spending weeks cleaning the house every day. I'm like, oh, you can only clean the house so many times.
00;45;53;06 - 00;46;14;09
Unknown
And so I go with him to the hardware store and we're just laughing and whatever. And we come out and we get in the car and we had just bought another secondary like mom wagon kind of it's a Honda CRV and it's older and cloth seats, the whole thing. And so we had only written in it probably like twice together.
00;46;14;09 - 00;46;37;14
Unknown
And we get in and we go over two train tracks. And I just feel this gush of fluid and like, oh wow. Like and I have on a orange romper like a long orange romper and I can't see past my stomach. So I'm looking down and I'm like, can you see fluid down there like that? I didn't pee that felt that felt like some water.
00;46;37;16 - 00;46;55;18
Unknown
And so we're just kind of laughing to each other like I think it did. And I'm like, it for sure did. That was not pee that and that wasn't something else. And so we pull into our house, it's only like five minutes away. So we pull into our house and I'm, I'm standing up and I'm kind of bending over and I'm like, is it a circle of water?
00;46;55;24 - 00;47;18;22
Unknown
Can you see it? And he's like, I can see it. Yeah, it's definitely water. And so I, I'm like, okay, things are gonna things are gonna just start happening. I'm just going to be laboring all of a sudden now, you know. And prior to this, when I went to Kate's circle, that was at 35 weeks, actually. So a little backtrack, but at 35 weeks drove down and we have two Volkswagens.
00;47;18;22 - 00;47;38;19
Unknown
I drove down in one of them to go to her circle, and I was having pretty substantial sensations during that time, and I was like, whoa, I might have this baby in the van, like, am I going to have this baby, you know, or not even early, but just at 35 weeks, like, that was my real thought, you know?
00;47;38;20 - 00;48;06;21
Unknown
And then they subsided. And then by this time, when my waters opened, I was by the guess 40 and 3 or 4 or something like that. And so I wasn't really having any sensations when it happened either. I had some cramping feeling, but nothing substantial. And so into the evening, you know, we did our normal routine, but I thought, oh, I'm not going to be able to sleep because I'm so excited.
00;48;06;24 - 00;48;26;28
Unknown
And by the evening time they had picked up a little bit, you know, they were not intense but really close together and. Sure. And and it just continued for all night. And he stayed up with me that first night. And I think we both just thought, you know, this is it. By the morning we're going to have a baby.
00;48;26;28 - 00;48;47;27
Unknown
And I've never experienced this before, so I didn't really know what I was going to feel or look for or anything really. You know, this is my first time we make it through the first night. And I actually on my phone, I my brain went into overdrive of, you're going to forget all of this. So you should write down what you're experiencing with timestamps.
00;48;47;27 - 00;49;12;02
Unknown
And so I have basically the first night and into the second day I have notes written of this is what you felt at 6 a.m. when you were whatever. And so that first night, oh, also my my water. Later, like when I got inside, I funny enough kind of like spread my butt a little bit to see like, is there more coming out.
00;49;12;03 - 00;49;34;23
Unknown
You know, like and some dropped into my closet on the floor and I could see that it was clear. And so I was like, oh, cool. That's that's good. You know, even if it wasn't, I'm going to stay at home. But that's cool, you know, that. The little peace of mind there, I guess. And so into the second day, I was already pretty tired at that point, not sleeping the night before.
00;49;34;23 - 00;50;02;22
Unknown
And yeah, it just went all day long. And I thought, okay, so also my waters on the 14th. That was a Monday. They opened around noon, so basically noon to night that day and then into the next day I it started to pick up more and I thought, okay, now it's going to happen today and it's probably going to happen in the night because it's just daytime and people don't deliver babies when the sun's out.
00;50;02;24 - 00;50;28;11
Unknown
I kept thinking that in my mind it has to be dark, it has to be dark. And yeah, so by 10 p.m., I think I was like, I want my mom. I need my mom here because my husband needs to sleep, because he's just been also up with me and he's not any help if he's tired also. And so my mom came over and I truthfully, I thought, okay, it's going to happen tonight, so I need my mom here.
00;50;28;11 - 00;50;49;20
Unknown
That's why. Which she totally could have just stayed home because nothing, if anything, the only thing that happened was she stayed up all night with me, and the sensations were a lot stronger than the night before. And by like, 5 a.m., you know, I'm in the shower. And I had been kind of flopping between the shower, the pool, my bed, the kitchen.
00;50;49;20 - 00;51;16;08
Unknown
I was just everywhere, basically. But water was helping a lot, and I kind of looked at my mom and was like, I'm so tired, like I'm exhausted and I'm just worried that I'm burning myself out. Like, am I going to be able to push this baby out by the time it comes? I'm so tired and so and I just kept being like, I just really need the sun to come up.
00;51;16;08 - 00;51;41;19
Unknown
I need this to come up so that it feels different or something, I don't know. And, yeah, we have a family friend, Grandma Susie, who is just, like, trusted within our community. And she my mom's like, do you want me to call Susie? Like, would that give you a peace of mind? Maybe. Like, she can check you and you can kind of see where you're at if you've progressed at all, or do you want to just continue on?
00;51;41;26 - 00;52;05;06
Unknown
And I think this is a little bit of a turning point for my story, because thinking about it now, it did help me. She did come and she checked me and said, well, I think you're at about a five and you know, you've got to kick your ass into gear. She was like, you've been kind of shying away from the contractions and you're just letting them come and kind of trying to get away from them.
00;52;05;06 - 00;52;26;22
Unknown
She was like, but if you step into them, you'll probably be here by this afternoon. And I remember being like, okay, this is a wave of like, oh, I can do this. But it in hindsight now, it does bum me out a little bit, I think. I wish I would have just believed in myself and felt the, you know, intuition to lean into it myself.
00;52;26;22 - 00;52;48;26
Unknown
And why didn't I feel that? And but yeah, she did help me and she, she was in my house for like five minutes. And then it was like, okay, love you. Bye. See you later. Let me know if you have your baby today. And, so yeah, I that was she came at like seven in the morning on the 16th of April and by like 9:00.
00;52;48;26 - 00;53;18;06
Unknown
It's funny because First World, like, all of the way that we've been able to keep our time in order of the timeline of where I was at, was with pictures and videos and stuff. And so by 9:00, I'm in the room that I had him in and I just was standing in this window. The morning sun comes through that window, and I literally would stand in that window for as long as I could before I would get really hot, and then I would move into the kitchen, and then I would hold on to this one door jamb that we have in our kitchen.
00;53;18;06 - 00;53;48;07
Unknown
And that was like the two spots that I just kept going back and forth to. And yeah, I basically roared through those for till the afternoon till about like almost 2:00 from like 9 to 2. And yeah, it was intense. It was a lot I, my, my mom jokes that I didn't have my eyes open for the last three hours of that, and she said it was kind of like following a toddler around that's learning to walk.
00;53;48;12 - 00;54;13;16
Unknown
She's like, you would almost run into something. And then we would be like, oh, don't do that, you know, come over this, open your eyes a little. But I was just really, really exhausted. And I was in a portal for sure. That's where I was at, actually. And I just, you know, I never looking back, I kept I forgot a lot of it, but my mom said, you never said, like, I can't do this or any of that.
00;54;13;16 - 00;54;35;09
Unknown
She's like, you kept saying, it's only 60s. It's only 60s. I can do this. I can do this. I'm made for this. I'm made for this. And she's like, it was honestly inspiring for us because we were thinking like, Holy shit, is she going to be able to do this? Like, it's been three days? And so yeah, at that point I, you know, I didn't know where I was at really.
00;54;35;09 - 00;54;57;29
Unknown
I just knew like this was as strong as it had felt. And so my mom said, do you want to do you want to get in the pool like that might help. You're crawling out of your skin a little right now. And I was like, yeah, I want to get in the pool. And that was about 140 and in the afternoon and I got in and I immediately got into the position that I had him in.
00;54;57;29 - 00;55;19;26
Unknown
And I didn't think anything of that. I just thought, I need to get in this position because it'll maybe help bring him down, I don't know. And so I just got on my knees, kind of frogged out, and my mom said, are you feeling like you need to push or do you do you have any feeling of like, you know, pressure or where are you at?
00;55;19;26 - 00;55;48;29
Unknown
Can you let me in a little bit? You haven't said anything and I'm at this point going, I don't feel any like, I don't know. I don't feel the, the thing that everyone's talked about that I've read about, that I'm expecting to feel. I just feel really, really heavy waves. And so the first probably 20 minutes I'm in the pool was a very large learning curve for me because I was trying to push with the contractions and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever.
00;55;48;29 - 00;56;07;29
Unknown
I was like, this doesn't feel good. This actually feels worse. And this is not what I read. This is not what I've listened to. I've listened to every podcast episode, and everyone's telling me that it feels good, or it feels kind of like a release or and I'm like, where's mine? I want that, and I want the that natural feeling, and I'm not.
00;56;08;01 - 00;56;29;02
Unknown
I don't have that. And so because you're forcing it. Yeah. Which and I didn't really know. And then I tell my mom I'm like I just I don't know like I can't tell. It feels like I'm having to work for it. And she kind of looked at me and was like, well, I also had to work for it.
00;56;29;02 - 00;56;48;02
Unknown
She's like, it didn't really come easy for me. I did have to push. And I was like, oh, okay, that's interesting. And then my Meemaw, even with her last one, said the same thing. It was like there was she's like, I knew I was ready to go. I just wasn't like a oh slide right out type of deal.
00;56;48;04 - 00;57;12;29
Unknown
And so I kind of found like a little bit of a rhythm where I found a one spot where it felt good to push, like within the wave, and I would give it a push and then kind of relax and give it a push during that one particular spot. And so it was about an hour of pushing altogether before he came out.
00;57;12;29 - 00;57;41;21
Unknown
But at the end when I was pushing, I just was like, okay, I think he's really close, you know? And so I felt inside me and I could feel his head and it was only about one knuckle away. And so I thought, okay, I had written a fake story of what I thought my birth was going to be like, because that was an exercise that I thought would be good for me to be able to release some thoughts of what I thought and expectations and all of that.
00;57;41;21 - 00;58;04;17
Unknown
And so I did, though, exactly what I said in my story, which was I felt he was there. And then I quickly just kind of put pressure like counter pressure of like, okay, I want you to come. But I also would like to stay intact. And so I kind of just put a little pressure back and I was giving some good heavy pushes.
00;58;04;17 - 00;58;28;18
Unknown
It was kind of taking everything in me. But his head came out and then I, which I should have known. I mean, it felt like a pop coming out, but I still was like, I can't really tell and I can't see. And and I am like, I hadn't felt for some reason I take took take my hand or took my hand off to grab on to my husband again.
00;58;28;18 - 00;58;44;29
Unknown
And because I was just squeezing so hard and I'm like, can you look to see if his heads out? And my mom, it's like, well, I can't. It's kind of hard. You're in the pool. And she goes like, maybe halfway. And in the video I go halfway, no way. And I stick my hand down there and I'm like, okay, it's all the way out.
00;58;45;00 - 00;59;12;27
Unknown
Like, just come back up here. I don't don't look, I don't even know why I asked you to look like. And so once his head was out, it seriously was like night and day. I went from being eyes closed, half asleep, sleeping between sensations. Yeah, the adrenaline was pumping through me and oxytocin and just my eyes in the video go from being closed to I'm smiling and I'm laughing and I'm like, oh my gosh.
00;59;12;27 - 00;59;34;17
Unknown
And I'm making jokes. And it's funny because this heads out and I can just feel him wiggling around, and it was like tickling my butt. And I was just like, you guys, this is crazy. That and I look at my husband and I go, I did it, I did it, and he's, you know, going, well, let's, you know, get his body out and then we'll celebrate with like, we want to get him out first, you know?
00;59;34;18 - 00;59;57;18
Unknown
And I'm like, no, I did it. This is the biggest part right here. And so I gave another push. And you know, I'm thinking, oh why is he going to sliding out. It feels like he wants to just come out. And my mom is I'm like, can you look back there like what? I don't know. And she goes, oh, well, you got to sit up a little bit.
00;59;57;19 - 01;00;20;13
Unknown
You're kind of bouncing his head off the bottom of the pool. You can't you can't come out like so I just literally leaned forward a tiny bit and he just shoots out. And I had told my mom, like, because she's trusted. And not that my husband's not, but I was like, I don't. He might get queasy if he has to hold the baby or do anything, and I'm okay with him not having to do that.
01;00;20;13 - 01;00;59;18
Unknown
So mom, can you just make sure he doesn't come above the water before I'm, you know, flipped over to pull him up. And so she just kind of held him still there for me while I wrapped my leg over the cord, and I flipped over really quickly. It's crazy. You go from like, I can't move, I can't stand or do anything to I can run, I can jump, and yes, I just kind of flipped over in the pool and pulled him up, and he just looked at me for a second and was very alert and wasn't crying, and sounded like he had maybe a little bit of stuff in his nose and all of the
01;00;59;18 - 01;01;22;03
Unknown
normal things that babies have when they come out. And in the video, I can tell he's making that face like, oh, I'm going to let out a little cry. And his lip is kind of quivering and I'm like, are you going to cry, buddy? And he just kind of lets out a cry, and it's just like a sweet moment of that first, you know, oh, he's just here and he's talking to us and he's just, you know, happy.
01;01;22;03 - 01;01;41;06
Unknown
And yeah, he didn't cry after that. He just was content and looking at us. And I just held him and put him on my chest. And my cord wasn't super long. And so which I don't have a very long torso either. So it was kind of fine. I mean, I just held him on my stomach kind of. But yeah.
01;01;41;06 - 01;02;00;04
Unknown
And then I don't know how long I was in the pool for after that, I want to say it wasn't super long because the water had started to get a little cool, and I was like, I need to get out of here because I'm cold. And I also knew I didn't want to deliver the placenta in there. I was like, no, I want to get out and handle that separately at some point.
01;02;00;04 - 01;02;21;02
Unknown
And so, you know, my husband is holding like a towel between my legs to try and get me out of the pool. And then my mom's like, I'm like, handing her him so that I can just get out so we can get to my bed. And yeah, we get to my bed. And I just held him for. I don't even remember how long.
01;02;21;02 - 01;02;46;11
Unknown
I think I started having some wicked sensations of placenta ready to come. And it was almost hard to focus on baby. Oh yeah, and all of that. And so I'm like, oh gosh, I need to get this out. Like immediately. And they were trying to talk to me and I'm, you know, holding him. And I'm like, mom, I need to get this out now.
01;02;46;11 - 01;03;09;10
Unknown
And it's ready to come out. And I, I can't focus on him fully until it's out. And she was like, oh, okay. Like yeah, yeah. And so we and in this moment, so much was happening. You know, it's like it feels like real world wind. But I, it was like 30 minutes that he had been connected. And so I'm like I wanted to have him connected longer.
01;03;09;10 - 01;03;27;05
Unknown
But also it was really hard because my cord wasn't as long and getting over to the toilet to do all of that. I just was like, you know what? His cord looks pretty white. Anyway. It's like, let's clamp him off, get me over to the toilet so I can get this out. And then then I can come back and focus on him.
01;03;27;08 - 01;03;48;05
Unknown
And I literally as soon as I, we did that, and then I got over to the toilet. I sat down and I barely had to even give any effort. It like, just came out so abruptly. It was a very, very large placenta. I still have it, actually. It's in my freezer like it's right here next to me. Yeah, and here it is.
01;03;48;06 - 01;04;25;12
Unknown
Yeah, I want to I want to say something to the listeners about this because of course every woman should do whatever they want, blah, blah, blah. It worked out great for you. It worked. That worked for you because the placenta was already detached and it was just sitting there on your cervix. Yeah. But in general, for those of you who are listening who haven't had babies yet on your own, do not cut the baby from the placenta before you birthed the placenta, because if it is still attached to your uterus, cutting the baby from the placenta can prolong it can.
01;04;25;16 - 01;04;48;18
Unknown
Let's say it can confuse the placenta. And I know too many Freebird stories where the mom cut the baby from the placenta and then couldn't get the placenta out, and it doesn't it doesn't help. So in your story, obviously it's all good. And this is like, you know, I'm not I'm not critiquing your birth story. But so many women are learning through these stories.
01;04;48;21 - 01;05;12;22
Unknown
Yeah. And as a general practice, I'll just say it is my strong opinion that we want to keep baby attached, because also, in some way, you could say it's kind of good for the mom to be get to get like, irritated and like, I need to get this out and to shortcut and cut baby can sometimes cause problems.
01;05;12;22 - 01;05;40;14
Unknown
And like I said, it can prolong the actual placental delivery, which is like such a bummer because the last thing you want to do after all of that is transfer. Yeah. And so it sounds like in your story it worked because it was already detached. Yeah. Which when I got out of the pool, I, we were like literally holding it in and I that sounds like silly, but like, we were like my husband was there.
01;05;40;16 - 01;06;00;16
Unknown
It was like trying to come out and I knew that. And I, you know. Yeah. And the same thing, I thought that also I thought, well, I shouldn't do this, but I was like, I can't even I couldn't even get up with the sensations I was having and hold him without feeling like I was doubling over. And so I was like, okay, well, I already know it's it's here.
01;06;00;19 - 01;06;24;10
Unknown
It's right there. So I didn't feel uncomfortable there. But yeah. And it shows that there are no rules. And you should follow your own instincts and your own intuition and yeah, you know, don't listen to anyone else. Yeah. No for sure. But it can. Yeah I did. That was something that I didn't know about until like the end of my pregnancy.
01;06;24;10 - 01;06;40;01
Unknown
So it was learning things like that. Even at the end it felt oh shoot is there not. There's probably so much I don't know that I got of course, I might need to know. And, you know, I all of the things I thought I needed to know, I didn't need to know exactly. It's both. I mean, we don't know anything about this stuff, right?
01;06;40;02 - 01;07;07;19
Unknown
Growing up and culturally, most people don't know anything about it. And also it's pretty simple stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So got that out. And then. Yeah, we basically just cuddled on my bed for hours and then it was really sweet. I maybe overdid it a little bit in the first few days with like the people coming over, but I really enjoyed it.
01;07;07;19 - 01;07;31;06
Unknown
Our families were there within like two hours. I mean, obviously besides my mom, my mom was there, but like his parents and my dad and my brother and like, it was really cool. I just for my youngest brother, he's only he'll be 14 next month. And so he got to see this wild thing and he told my mom later he's pretty emotional boy.
01;07;31;06 - 01;07;52;04
Unknown
But he said I almost was in tears getting to go in there and see sissy. And it was like, oh, this is such a cool thing that it was not in the hospital. Like, you got to see me in my bed that you've seen before. And like in our house that you've been in before and in such a just see you totally bright eyed, not traumatized, not cut open totally.
01;07;52;05 - 01;08;19;02
Unknown
You know, like you are comfortable in your environment, radiant and proud, with no drugs, like, you know, like it's all of it. Yeah, totally. Also a side note, so the Grandma Susie, who came over earlier in the morning, her daughter is one of my mom's best friends and she this is such a side note. And but it actually she it meant a lot to me because she's just it's who they are as like a family.
01;08;19;02 - 01;08;38;13
Unknown
But she had gotten off work and my mom had, you know, texted her like, oh, baby's here. Everything's great. Whatever. Update you later. And she said, do you need any help? Do you want me to, like, handle the placenta so you can tend to her? Do you want me to is there anything I can do for you? And my mom was like, yeah, maybe because my mom's hilarious.
01;08;38;13 - 01;08;58;10
Unknown
She. She used to be a massage therapist and nothing freaks her out. There's no, no, no thing that could gross her out. And so she's literally showing, like, I'm like, make sure that the placenta is intact for me. Like, because I'm so over here focused and she's like, okay, I'll, I'll look through it and whatever. And she comes in and she's got her hand in the sac and she's like, look how amazing this is.
01;08;58;11 - 01;09;22;24
Unknown
You know, he was in here and like, she's just blood all over. And like it was awesome. And but our friend Carly, she, she was there within the first probably ten minutes. And it was like she swept through like a little angel. I'm sitting on the toilet and I'm my mom's handling something else. And Gareth's got baby for a moment and like, I'm trying to get these boy short underwear on to put a pat on so that I can get in bed.
01;09;22;24 - 01;09;35;12
Unknown
And she literally just comes out of nowhere and is like, here's let me help you put these on your feet. And like, slide is sliding about my legs and I'm like, oh my gosh. Hi. I didn't know you were here. She's like, no, I'm just here to help you put these on real quick. And I'm not even kidding.
01;09;35;12 - 01;10;00;06
Unknown
It was like she put them on me and then was gone. And that was it. Like it was so sweet. But yeah, it was it was awesome. So how long ago was this? This was six weeks ago. Is today Thursday? Oh. You're freshie. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't realize it had just happened. Yes. Yeah. It's today's Thursday. Then he is.
01;10;00;06 - 01;10;28;19
Unknown
Yeah. He's six weeks yesterday. So it's it feels, you know, kind of far away now but at the same time. Yeah it's very, very new I have a new baby. So I'm actually at my parents right now so my mom can help me. Nice. Yeah. But I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm proud of myself. I, I was telling my husband yesterday, I didn't really want to say it out loud in the beginning, because I didn't want it to come off, that this was my only goal.
01;10;28;19 - 01;10;46;28
Unknown
But from the day that I found your podcast, I was like, I'm going to be on there and I'm going to tell my story and I'm going to be one of the people that helps someone else. And so, yeah, well, yeah, very cool to be able to do exactly what I said I was going to. Yeah. Manifest Queen.
01;10;46;29 - 01;11;09;22
Unknown
Yeah. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much. Thank you. All right, women, I hope you enjoyed the show today. You can support this podcast by donating to it through the link in the show notes below. And of course leaving an awesome review on whatever platform you listen on. The more reviews, the more visibility the show gets. So let's spread the good word of free birth.
01;11;09;26 - 01;11;34;17
Unknown
Don't forget, you can watch all of my podcast interviews on YouTube and see the women as they tell their birth and power stories. And you will also find our viral, free worth collection of epic Raw Birth videos on our YouTube channel. So make sure you're subscribed. We always have a lot going on at Free Birth Society, and you can find out about all of it at Free Birth Society, and I am at Free Birth Society on Instagram.
01;11;34;17 - 01;11;56;10
Unknown
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01;11;56;13 - 01;12;10;02
Unknown
Together we rise. Sisters. We must speak our stories, fully, claim our lives, and support one another. This is the living revolution and I am so grateful to be in it with all of you. Till next time.
