I woke up Wednesday January 1, 2020 at 6am with my waters broken, which meant it happened during my sleep. That was the beginning of the first day of labour. I woke my husband with excitement at the thought that this could be the very day we meet our child. But little did I know the journey I was about to embark on together.
A three day labour. 6 hours for me to birth the placenta. We made room for this new soul to enter in to my womb space many months before. The opening was my first prayer back in 2018, but the deepest opening occurred without me even knowing it was an invitation calling in my child with the strongest force never experienced before. The seed of love had been planted in my womb, created in love and consciously conceived with a divine purpose. A vibrant, wise soul decided that I would become their mother and my husband their father. There this divine being that came way before entering my body. That living soul was already at work within me and leading deeper into the wisdom and power that exists within me, and the courage to walk the pilgrimage of self autonomy.
Years before they had already been walking with me guiding me towards one the most life changing moment of my life. The day I witness a video of a woman give birth in her power, with complete autonomy, and undisturbed. Which then led me to Free Birth Society, and will never be the same. Discovering FBS is the tool that in the most divine way possible God guided me to a path of what it means to live with sovereign authority over my body, and tune in to my intuition, and inner wisdom. Witnessing other women through this community paved the way for me to get to this point of my life. Where I free birthed my first child and had a completely wild and free pregnancy. A free birth, that lasted 3 days, 54 hours total including my placenta birth!
Nothing was quick or “fast” about my birth. I believe it was all perfectly divinely timed now, as much as I wished in that moment of going through the trenches of a long labor for it go by faster. Thanks to the complete support from my loving husband, who always held space of love for me with complete trust from the beginning of this journey. Our hearts aligned with our desire to have a wild pregnancy and free birth. It felt the most natural, and like the greatest chance at having a normal, physiological birth in the most woman centered, peaceful and safest environment for us. And of course, our two furry babies , my support companions as well, who remained close to me until their baby brother was born. I labored completely on my own terms, resulting in the most radical reclamation of my life. I experienced some of the most vulnerable, raw, powerful emotions.
My husband will describe my sounds in labour and giving birth as some of the most powerful sounds. Raw, sensual, ecstatic, PRIMAL. This rite of passage, this sacred ceremony of birth, was my own rebirth. It was my proclamation that I choose to birth in sovereign power and trust that my body was created to do this, trust in my babies wisdom to guide me to them, and trust the inner wisdom that my body holds. This is yet another story of a free birth, but more than that, this is a story of woman who chose to change her narrative. Rewrite her story, and recreate herself. A reclamation of what already existed within me but laid dormant for so many years. A remembrance. A declaration that I choose to take back responsibility over my body, and my baby. NOT a medical event, this was a spiritual event.
A rite of passage, a transformation, an EMERGENCE. My emergence into motherhood that was free of trauma, and where love and peace overflowed with abundance. My son, my earth angel, will only always know his emergence into this earth was one filled with love and the most peaceful welcome. My husbands hands were the first hands to touch him, because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to release from the position of I was in, my deep focus and place of transcendence as I was between portals. So I told him to catch our baby. Then he gentle passed him to me, as he announced we had a baby boy.
We chose to not find out the gender until meeting them, but his spirit and energy all along was strongly leading us to believing that he was a boy. It was as if we always knew him deep within. And even before meeting him earth side, my sun was already our greatest teacher, our wise soul, teaching me to lean in to the surrender and mystery of the sacredness of birth.
My wild pregnancy was so liberating and set the most peaceful foundation for my whole pregnancy. My free birth reminded me in the most monumental way possible, that this power and wisdom always lived within me but was laying dormant waiting to be set free.
My birth, a thin veil between total control and sovereignty over my body, and yet complete surrender to the divine unfolding of the timing, without my control. I never once felt the urge to push. My body working in complete wisdom and intelligence without me trying but doing the hardest most transcendent work ever at the same time. The surrendering to the sensations was one of the greatest challenges. The surrendering to the process the way I envisioned years before.
I felt like a wild animal rising from the ashes, wanting to labour without anyone around me, lights completely off, moving freely in every square inch of my home, vocalizing loudly, primal sounds, roaring my baby into the world. As the surges got stronger and the feeling of needing to go poop which I hated the most, was not going away but how funny, that sensation was the one that became the most relieving, and pleasurable feeling alongside feeling baby’s head. I now realize my cervix was softening, expanding, opening and getting ready to meet my baby in a few more hours.
I told my husband to go to rest and sleep since he had barely slept a few minutes in the two days of my labour progressing. I told him how I wanted to be alone and needed all the lights turned off, the music off as well. I didn’t want to be touched or talked to. I was entering into another dimension, transcendent and psychedelic. The most intense, primal, and wild moments of my whole labor occurred there. In complete alignment with my self. Deep surrender and trust not just in myself, but also my baby who I kept asking to guide me and to come to me, telling them I was ready to go through the portal together. Telling my baby that I trusted them to come to me in whatever way they needed to. I listened to that one free birth affirmation that I got from Yolanda Clarke and I must have replayed that 10 times. I kept pulling hard on a table cloth that I turned into a rebozo tied to my bed frame (my husbands brilliant intuitive idea) So grateful that I had that to pull in, where I spent a lot of my labor. Also the bathroom, my hallway, then back to the bathroom, then back to my living room and even kitchen as I tried to grab a power ball to eat while another surge came and I had to throw that power ball.
As one day, then two days passed, I was exhausted. But there was now way to sleep. My body would not allow that. My husband kept nourishing me with gallons of coconut water and foods that kept me going. I would have not eaten if it was up to me, because I had already transcended to another realm at this point. I consider my birth so many things! Euphoric, powerful, wild and primal with funny.
A few comical things that happened during labour such as one of my dogs chewing every one of my chux pads on the ground that held my laboring liquids such as pee and blood. He was all about that life. LOL. And finding that power ball I attempted to eat between contractions. By the third day the waves starting to get stronger, the lower back pain went away . I listened to the call to continue laboring with all the lights off and give myself completely to everything I was feeling only growing stronger. The suggest that feeling of needing to poop that was not going away but only getting more and more intense. Then that very same sensation in my body being the one that grew to become pleasurable and relieving, being the feeling that led to my sun being born.
My husband, holding space for me by serving me, protecting this sacred passage of life and more in tune with me than ever before. The intimacy and connection to one another that was gained has carried over into our relationship now as a new family of 3. His grounded presence as an anchor in the trenches of my labour. In tune with my needs and deeply caring for me, yet so tender. Reminding me of my innate capabilities, my primal power and intuitive wisdom. He is my true sacred birth keeper and protector, a guardian spirit that from the beginning has supported all my choices and continues to grow alongside me as we go through this sacred emergence together.
My sun Sage Forrest was born on January 3, 2020. After 1.5 years of prayers, deep intention, born from a place of consciousness and pure love. He came earth-side after 48 hours of this wild, intense, slow, transformative and powerful, euphoric labour, into the hands of his father. I gave birth to the placenta after 6 hours and we had a burning cord ceremony with a wooden box my husband made within a few minutes on this day. The whole experience labor, birth and the burning cord ceremony was intimate, and so sacred. Peaceful birth and a peaceful beginning for my whole family. Birthed in power, wild and free on February 3, 2020 at 6:30 AM.
Birthed in love, welcomed in an atmosphere of love and peace. Lights off, there in our living room, feet immersed in water and the rest of my body standing, grounded and humbled. My rebirth, reclamation and proclamation of the way I want to live my life. Only my husband and I receiving him into our arms. And of course for this sacred initiation into motherhood and for taking me on this wild journey of self discovery, spiritual awakening, and purifying me through the all consuming fire of labour and birth. That day not only was my first child born, I too was being born. I chose free birth to bring healing to myself, my family, and generations to come. I do believe that the way we birth heals the earth. And that the way we view birth will change the way we birth.