Following My Heart to Freebirth

Following My Heart to Freebirth

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Before bed on Monday, I sat on the toilet holding my belly and said “baby when you are ready to come, we are here to receive you”. A few hours later, I woke up to my waters releasing. I went to the toilet and wiped and saw my mucous plug & bloody show. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a wildness behind my eyes. My heart started to flutter. I was nervous and excited and calm. I said my prayers and felt into the mild cramping.  It was 2:30 am on Tuesday. I smudged the house with sage, turned on the candles and moved my body in the night. As the sun began to rise, I went back to bed. 

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Soon after I got into bed, my husband (G) got up for work. He said to me that he saw blood in the bathroom and wondered, what was happening? I told him that my labor was beginning and that it was very early still so he should go to work. He left for the day and I watched ‘Love Actually’ and rested in bed that morning. 

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My sister brought lunch over later that day and I told her that I was in early labor. She stayed with me and worked on her computer while I napped and rested in bed. 

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By dinner time, I felt like I was coming up on a psychedelic trip. My palms were sweaty and I couldn’t sit in conversation so I excused myself for a bath. The sensations were picking up so I asked G to finish setting up the pool. Around 9 pm labor was full on. G went to bed to get some sleep (he worked 12+ hours that day) so I labored alone for a while. I stayed present with what I felt, breathed, moaned and followed my body. The sensations were intensifying and I started to feel pushy so I woke G up. We went into the bathroom and I started to bear down. This was the 26th hour after my waters opened. I wanted to see what was happening so I placed the mirror under me, parted my lips, and, to my surprise, saw four little fingers! I caressed the little hand with my finger and said a prayer. I looked at G and he looked tired. I felt the energy and birth flow change, and I paused to feel into the energy and check in with myself.

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Seeing and feeling my baby’s hand while he was still in my body was unexpected. I didn’t see his head behind his hand so I took a couple of minutes to feel into what I wanted to do next. I didn’t panic but I did feel out of alignment with the birth flow. The energy had shifted and the flow seemed to come to a pausing point. I looked at G and saw that he was tired. His presence felt a bit distant. I asked myself if I was okay moving forward alone and didn’t get an answer. G asked if I wanted to call on two wise women/birth keepers from the community to attend. I decided that yes, it was time to call on them. 

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The two wise women/birth keepers came shortly after we called on them. After a brief connection to let them know where I was at, I fell back into the birth flow. These women held space for me to labor in full authority + power. They kept me hydrated with broths, electrolyte drinks and smoothies. They ran the shower head down my back, they offered me loving touch + counter pressure, they held my hand, they poured water over me while I labored in the pool, they met my eyes when I needed to be seen. They worked together seamlessly, sitting with me and leaving me alone as I needed. 

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Having witnesses at my birth did pull me out of the flow sometimes because I was aware of being ‘observed’. However, the keepers were aware of

this intuitively and would leave me alone or give me a gentle check in to make sure I was comfortable. They offered suggestions like, would you like to get out of the pool and walk around? And they set up some stations (inversion, rebozo) to support the baby’s position for descent. At no point did I have anyone telling me what to do or keeping time of the phases. I felt unhindered in my process and was always at the center of my experience. I was in full authority and power and my husband and the wise women were present to witness my journey. 

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The active labor to emergence part of the birth journey was incredible - so challenging, decimating, expanding, humbling and beautiful. The waves (contractions) stretched me beyond my limits. The sounds from my moans were guttural, wild and primal. At one point I broke down in tears, heaving uncontrollably, as I prayed: “Birth is sacred. Life is sacred. If every person understood what their mother went through to bring them Earth side there would be no killing, no war. It is every woman’s right to be initiated by Birth. No one has the right to take that away from her”.

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My labor ebbed and flowed. At one point I prayed for some relief. And the universe provided. G had filled the pool extra hot so it was like a jacuzzi. The hot water spaced out my waves so I was able to rest. When the sensations were full on, I would say my mantras: “I release control. I surrender to love. I am stronger than I think I am”. 

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There was pause before my body was ready to push. In this space I received some encouragement to get out of the tub. I called on the Cannibas plant to help me, to shift the energy and support the birth flow. Her medicine provided me with the opportunity to go deeper, find the strength to continue and finish. At this point I had been in active labor for more than 18 hours. 

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I got out of the pool and labored against the wall. Standing felt so intense. The waves were crashing constantly. I walked to the living room, and did some stations (inversion, rebozo and I climbed up on the table, laid on my side, and brought one leg over the other) and oh mama, the sensations at this time were mind blowing! 

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I needed some relief again so I went back into the pool. I wasn’t there for long when I started to feel pushy. I got out of the pool and went to the swing and hung and squatted. Then, I knew it was time and I wanted to go to the bathroom. It was Wednesday night.

I labored on the toilet. I wrapped my arms around G and with each wave moaned and yelled and then when one passed I would say to G “kiss me, kiss me”. I was so turned on!

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When my body started pushing (I didn’t think about it, the fetal ejection reflex (FER) just kicked in) I would squat. I followed my urge to bear down on the sensation. Feeing the baby’s head crowning was so intense! I was being stretched again beyond my limits. The ring of fire was just that - hot hot hot! I said to myself “the only way out is through!” I was hanging on the rebozo after a wave, and one of the keepers suggested that I bend forward. With the next wave I did, and out came baby’s head! The sensation of birthing his head through my portal was orgasmic. What a relief! And then with the next wave his body slipped out. G was there to guide him to the towel. And I picked him up. Baby H cried immediately. I looked at him and connected soul to soul. This moment was so grounding, exhilarating and surreal! G and I were both so amazed. A dream come true!

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We spent some time together in the bathroom just the three of us as the keepers cleaned up the space. They then came in after an hour and mentioned the placenta and asked me if I wanted to try to release it. I didn’t want to engage. I was done. I wasn’t concerned about the placenta and wished that it would just fall out. (haha). The birth keepers left and I went to bed with G and the baby and the placenta still inside me.

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It took me 16 hours to release the placenta from the time baby was born. Having her inside me for so long was uncomfortable and being attached to baby in that way for so long was awkward. I wasn’t afraid of any “harm” that could happen with having her inside of me for an extended period of time. I made sure I felt good and kept hydrated. Once it was time to finally let her go, I recognized that felt blocked. So, I called a friend and she encouraged me to re focus and finish my labor.

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I needed to shift the energy and connect with my inner wild wombyn warrior and go back to la la (labor) land. I said a prayer and called on the Cannibas medicine to support me in finishing my labor. I set my self against the bedroom wall, bowl below me and my husband and baby in front of me. 

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I felt scared to ‘cough and tug’ so I turned my birthing playlist on and rubbed my body. I loved on myself and gently placed my hands near my yoni. I welcomed the warmth and said “I am safe to release. I am open, I am soft”. 

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I traced the umbilical cord with my thumb & pointer finger into my vagina. When I felt the base of my placenta I braced myself in a deep squat. I said “placenta, I thank you and I release you!” a few times. I envisioned her release whole & complete. I focused in, and coughed and tugged. Making the guttural noises turned into bearing down like I did to birth my baby. 

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My husband gave me his full attention and reaffirmed that she was releasing from my body. Oh how liberating it was to finally feel her detach! It was Thursday afternoon.

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We kept baby attached to the placenta for another night and then in the morning we celebrated with a cord burning ceremony. I decided not to eat the placenta but rather we will bury her and plant a fruit tree at our family’s ranch. We named our baby a few days later. His name is Henry Gene, after my husband’s great-grandpa Henry who founded the family ranch in 1921 and my grandpa Gene whom l love dearly.

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I feel so blessed to have birthed at home, in power, uninhibited and free. And I am so grateful for the community of women in the Free Birth Society who encourage and inspire me to follow my heart and live my Truth.

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Love,

Allison


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1 comment
  • Sweet and powerful Allison,
    Thank you for bringing the sacredness of birth a little bit closer to our reach. Truth is simple and complete. Thank you for your courage and determination to follow your heart and for sharing the story. Blessings for you, baby and G and for the wise women. May this story help us all live as the beings who we are in our hearts.

    monica maghiar on

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